A young Law student, having failed his Law exam, goes up to his crusty old professor, who is renowned for his razor-sharp legal mind.

Student, "Sir, do you really understand everything about this subject?"

Professor, "Actually, I probably do. Otherwise I wouldn't be a professor, would I?"

Student, "OK. So I'd like to ask you a question. If you can give me the correct answer, I will accept my marks as it is. If you ...

If Snoop Dogg dies before pot is legal in the United States,..

..He will be rolling in his grave.

It is now legal to park bovines with foot coverings in motorcycle parking spaces.

They're officially labeled as Cowasockies.

"Barely legal".

Because "almost underage" sounds a bit creepy.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

Liberals are acting like Trump is going to kill all the gays, make slavery legal again, and take away women's rights....

Like he's a Muslim or something.

When i got my gun license, first thing i did was cut off a bear’s front legs. No legal action was taken

Because i had the right to bear arms

Did you hear now that Robert Kraft is in legal trouble because he’s been taking advantage of women, Gillette is pulling its sponsorship from the Patriots??

Neither have I.

Recreational marijuana is legal in 10 out of the 50 states.

That's 4/20th of the United States.

Coming in 2019: a new interactive Netflix experience that shows what happens to society when all crimes are legal, and the entire thing is available live streaming. The series you can't miss, it's...

Binging and Purging

Who does R Kelly blame his current legal troubles on?

His body...

His mind was telling him no, but his body, his body was telling him yeeeehhhss.

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Cock fighting is legal in Minnesota.

As long as you don't use chicken's.

I know it's an old one, but there was a cock fight broken up in my county last night and this was going around the jail.

Now that weed is legal in Canada...

There is a whole new meaning to Grandma's chicken pot pie.

Good ol'e USA

18: can I buy a bottle of wine?

USA: no that's illegal & irresponsible

18: can I go $50,000 into debt for education?

USA: we encourage it

What do you call a vacuum that interferes with the legal system?

Obsuction of justice

We need to keep bump stocks legal...

How else are the blind going to shoot?

Why don’t penguins get legally married?

Because they’re animals and have no concept of marriage.

A message from Canada, to all Americans who are jealous about the recent marijuana legalization.

Sorry.

With cannabis now legal in my country, we would be remiss not to discuss the negative impacts of smoking weed. For example, after smoking...

...you have less weed.

I love that marijuana is now legal in Canada.

It's really dope.

Now that Marijuana is legal in Canada, I decided to get job in the industry.

So far it's a pretty kushy place to work.

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TIL that Kim Kardashian's giant ass has it's own birth certificate, and even has a legal name:

Kanye

Why is it legal to download America?

Because it's royalty free.

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The 13th Amendment makes it illegal to buy people.

Apparently, it doesn't apply to congressmen.

Edit: Wow...so this is what it’s like to reach the front page... really underwhelming...

In all seriousness, while there are a bunch of corrupt politicians out there, DO call your congressman and DO participate in your local elections and pr...

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A policeman is walking an illegal prostitute back to his police car...

On the way there, the policeman bumps into his captain. The captain asks: "what's going on here then?" The policeman replies: "I found an illegal prostitute on the sidewalk sir" The captain says: "I can see that, but why the hell are you the one in the handcuffs?!"

If a tree falls in the forest and no one is around to hear it...

...then my illegal logging business is a success.

I went to Coles to buy a cabbage but apparently it’s a legal requirement to buy mayonnaise and carrots too.

It’s Coles Law.

Did you hear about the man with a legal fetish?

He got off on a technicality.

Why are you not allowed to do calculus intoxicated?

It's illegal to drink and derive.

Now that weed is legal in California, I don't need my Xanax prescription anymore.

I was always suffering from chronic anxiety I was about to be arrested for illegal possession.

What's it called when an illegal immigrant and a child molester get in a fist fight?

Alien VS predator

A man goes to a lawyer to ask about a legal matter

And first asks about his pricing. "What is your fee?" He asks. "$1000 per three questions," he responds. "Isn't that a little steep?" the man asks. The lawyer replies, "Yeah I guess.., what's your third question?"

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

What do you call an incel where prostitutionis legal?

A buysexual.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

The millennium is now legal.

Who wants to be the first person to fuck time itself?

Whoring yourself for money is legal in the United States

Just take a look at our politicians.

My unemployed alcoholic father has a brilliant legal mind.

Unfortunately he’s never passed a bar.

The UK Government has decided to make LSD legal as a drug for weight loss

It makes sense if you think about it. It's kinda hard to get to the fridge when there's a dragon guarding it...

What’s a pirate’s favorite legal document?

A seas and desist!

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

I bought a Russian porno magazine the other day called Barely Legal.

Opened it up and there was a picture of two men holding hands.

After finally turning old enough, a life long train lover finally becomes a train conductor

He was so excited on his first day, he was ready to do the best he could. As he was conducting however, he accidentally got distracted and somehow made the train crash into an office and killed 7 people.

He had to go to court of course and the jury declared him as guilty and the judge gave h...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

Told my wife we’d have to stop sleeping together if I get this job with a mineral extraction company.

Yeah, in most states it’s illegal to have sex with a miner.

The illegals protesting with Mexican flags, shouting "Trump is not my President" are telling the truth.

Their president is Enrique Peña Nieto.

How do you get a Russian to the legal alcohol limit?

Sober him up for a week or two.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

[Long] Not my joke, heard it at work today.

A hunter was hunting ducks up in Maine. He had successfully bagged 3 beautiful ducks, threw them in his canoe, and started paddling down the river. When he got back to his campsite, a game warden was there waiting for him.

Warden: "Well it seems like you got lucky today. Why don't you hand o...

Why is it a terrible idea to get in a legal dispute with anyone at the sanitation department?

They have lots of Sewers

A police officer pulled over a lawyer who had failed to come to a complete stop at a stop sign.

The lawyer argued his case that the spirit of the law was simply that the maneuver be safe and since he hadn't caused an accident his actions complied with the law.

The officer disagreed and informed the lawyer he would issue him a ticket.

"I will accept that ticket if you can explain ...

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A priest is being honored at his retirement dinner...

A Priest was being honoured at his retirement dinner after 25 years in the parish. A leading local politician and member of the congregation was chosen to make the presentation and to give a little speech at the
dinner.
However, he was delayed, so the Priest decided to say his own few words w...

A joke from my dad: A man goes to a lawyer to ask a few legal questions...

The man says to the lawyer "How much would it cost to ask you a few questions?"

The lawyer says "I charge $400 for three questions."

"That's a bit expensive isn't it?"

"Yep. What's your third question?"

Between grand theft and a legal fee...

...there only stands a law degree.

A doctor and lawyer are talking at a party.

Their conversation is constantly interrupted by people describing their ailments and asking the doctor for free medical advice. After an hour of this, the exasperated doctor asks the lawyer, "What do you do to stop people from asking you for legal advice when you're out of the office?" "I give it to...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

I recently had sex with a girl who I thought I was legal age

A wave of horror came over me when I noticed her toe tag said "15 years old"

A doctor and a lawyer are at a party...

People at the party keep coming up to the doctor and asking him for medical advice. The doctor gets aggravated that he cannot enjoy the party because of the constant medical questions. He notices that his lawyer friend is sitting peacefully in a corner and hasn't been disturbed all night.

The...

Lawyer got rekt

A lawyer runs a stop sign and gets pulled over by a sheriff. He thinks he's smarter being a big shot lawyer from New York and has a better education than an sheriff from West Virginia. The sheriff asks for license and registration. The lawyer asks, "What for?" The sheriff responds, "You didn't come ...

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Congratulations to Alabama for making same sex marriage legal

Now the men can finally marry their brothers

Why should polygamy be legal?

Any guy willing to take multiple wives is punishment enough!

The Greek Legal System

A man and his wife were getting a divorce at a local court in Greece, but the custody of their children posed a problem.

The mother jumped to her feet and protested to the judge that since she had brought the children into this world, she should retain custody of them.

The man also ...

Hellen Keller had legal trouble...

she missed her hearing.

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In the UK it is legal to have sex with a girl when she leaves school...

So, 3.15pm??

Question from a Legal Ethics Law School Final Exam

A potential client comes into John's office and says he has been out of jail for 3 years and wants to check to make sure he is now officially off probation. John agrees to investigate. He tells the client it will cost him $100 if the matter can be handled with a simple phone call but he will have ...

The legal age of drinking in Alabama has been changed to 31...

Representatives hope that it will keep underage drinking out of high schools

A greedy old miser dies alone. In his will he's divided his fortune between his pastor, his doctor, and his lawyer with one last request...

The old man's will states that he wishes to take his fortune with him. His final request is that these three, the last man on earth he feels he can trust, each bring their allotment of his fortune to his funeral, ten million each, and deposit the money in his coffin and bare witness as it's sealed a...