What would happen if Snoop Dogg dies before pot becomes legal in the US?

He’d be rolling in his grave.

Is kidnapping legal?

Me: kidnapping I prefer the term surprise adoption
Police: what crack are you on

A young Law student, having failed his Law exam, goes up to his crusty old professor, who is renowned for his razor-sharp legal mind.

Student, "Sir, do you really understand everything about this subject?"

Professor, "Actually, I probably do. Otherwise I wouldn't be a professor, would I?"

Student, "OK. So I'd like to ask you a question. If you can give me the correct answer, I will accept my marks as it is. If you ...

What would you call an addendum to burglary laws that would state that it's legal to break and enter into someone's house, provided you leave them with a gift?

The Santa clause

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Liberals are acting like Trump is going to kill all the gays, make slavery legal again, and take away women's rights....

Like he's a Muslim or something.

It is now legal to park bovines with foot coverings in motorcycle parking spaces.

They're officially labeled as Cowasockies.

Coming in 2019: a new interactive Netflix experience that shows what happens to society when all crimes are legal, and the entire thing is available live streaming. The series you can't miss, it's...

Binging and Purging

TIL of a Legal Loophole Which Allows a Wife to Murder Her Husband With a Kitchen Utensil.

It's a flaw in the fatal ladle law.

"Barely legal".

Because "almost underage" sounds a bit creepy.

Recreational marijuana is legal in 10 out of the 50 states.

That's 4/20th of the United States.

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Cock fighting is legal in Minnesota.

As long as you don't use chicken's.

I know it's an old one, but there was a cock fight broken up in my county last night and this was going around the jail.

Did you hear now that Robert Kraft is in legal trouble because he’s been taking advantage of women, Gillette is pulling its sponsorship from the Patriots??

Neither have I.

Why don’t penguins get legally married?

Because they’re animals and have no concept of marriage.

My cat isn’t a huge Boston Legal fan.

She doesn’t like that James Spader.

Who does R Kelly blame his current legal troubles on?

His body...

His mind was telling him no, but his body, his body was telling him yeeeehhhss.

What do you call a vacuum that interferes with the legal system?

Obsuction of justice

Now that weed is legal in Canada...

There is a whole new meaning to Grandma's chicken pot pie.

A message from Canada, to all Americans who are jealous about the recent marijuana legalization.

Sorry.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

TIL that Kim Kardashian's giant ass has it's own birth certificate, and even has a legal name:

Kanye

We need to keep bump stocks legal...

How else are the blind going to shoot?

With cannabis now legal in my country, we would be remiss not to discuss the negative impacts of smoking weed. For example, after smoking...

...you have less weed.

I love that marijuana is now legal in Canada.

It's really dope.

Why is it legal to download America?

Because it's royalty free.

Now that Marijuana is legal in Canada, I decided to get job in the industry.

So far it's a pretty kushy place to work.

Why are you not allowed to do calculus intoxicated?

It's illegal to drink and derive.

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The 13th Amendment makes it illegal to buy people.

Apparently, it doesn't apply to congressmen.

Edit: Wow...so this is what it’s like to reach the front page... really underwhelming...

In all seriousness, while there are a bunch of corrupt politicians out there, DO call your congressman and DO participate in your local elections and pr...

If a tree falls in the forest and no one is around to hear it...

...then my illegal logging business is a success.

I went to Coles to buy a cabbage but apparently it’s a legal requirement to buy mayonnaise and carrots too.

It’s Coles Law.

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A policeman is walking an illegal prostitute back to his police car...

On the way there, the policeman bumps into his captain. The captain asks: "what's going on here then?" The policeman replies: "I found an illegal prostitute on the sidewalk sir" The captain says: "I can see that, but why the hell are you the one in the handcuffs?!"

Now that weed is legal in California, I don't need my Xanax prescription anymore.

I was always suffering from chronic anxiety I was about to be arrested for illegal possession.

Did you hear about the man with a legal fetish?

He got off on a technicality.

What's it called when an illegal immigrant and a child molester get in a fist fight?

Alien VS predator

The UK Government has decided to make LSD legal as a drug for weight loss

It makes sense if you think about it. It's kinda hard to get to the fridge when there's a dragon guarding it...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What do you call an incel where prostitutionis legal?

A buysexual.

My unemployed alcoholic father has a brilliant legal mind.

Unfortunately he’s never passed a bar.

Whoring yourself for money is legal in the United States

Just take a look at our politicians.

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The millennium is now legal.

Who wants to be the first person to fuck time itself?

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I bought a Russian porno magazine the other day called Barely Legal.

Opened it up and there was a picture of two men holding hands.

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A priest is being honored at his retirement dinner...

A Priest was being honoured at his retirement dinner after 25 years in the parish. A leading local politician and member of the congregation was chosen to make the presentation and to give a little speech at the
dinner.
However, he was delayed, so the Priest decided to say his own few words w...

The illegals protesting with Mexican flags, shouting "Trump is not my President" are telling the truth.

Their president is Enrique Peña Nieto.

How do you get a Russian to the legal alcohol limit?

Sober him up for a week or two.

What do you call an online lawyer

E-legal

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Told my wife we’d have to stop sleeping together if I get this job with a mineral extraction company.

Yeah, in most states it’s illegal to have sex with a miner.

A doctor and a lawyer were talking at a party

Their conversation was constantly interrupted by people describing their ailments and asking the doctor for free medical advice. After an hour of this, the exasperated doctor asked the lawyer, "What do you do to stop people from asking you for legal advice when you're out of the office?" "I give it ...

A joke from my dad: A man goes to a lawyer to ask a few legal questions...

The man says to the lawyer "How much would it cost to ask you a few questions?"

The lawyer says "I charge $400 for three questions."

"That's a bit expensive isn't it?"

"Yep. What's your third question?"

Why is it a terrible idea to get in a legal dispute with anyone at the sanitation department?

They have lots of Sewers

Between grand theft and a legal fee...

...there only stands a law degree.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I recently had sex with a girl who I thought I was legal age

A wave of horror came over me when I noticed her toe tag said "15 years old"

What do Saudi Arabia and Canada have in common?

It's legal to get stoned!

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Congratulations to Alabama for making same sex marriage legal

Now the men can finally marry their brothers

The Greek Legal System

A man and his wife were getting a divorce at a local court in Greece, but the custody of their children posed a problem.

The mother jumped to her feet and protested to the judge that since she had brought the children into this world, she should retain custody of them.

The man also ...

Why should polygamy be legal?

Any guy willing to take multiple wives is punishment enough!

A doctor and a lawyer are at a party...

People at the party keep coming up to the doctor and asking him for medical advice. The doctor gets aggravated that he cannot enjoy the party because of the constant medical questions. He notices that his lawyer friend is sitting peacefully in a corner and hasn't been disturbed all night.

The...

What happens when a law gets sick?

It becomes ill-legal

Hellen Keller had legal trouble...

she missed her hearing.

Question from a Legal Ethics Law School Final Exam

A potential client comes into John's office and says he has been out of jail for 3 years and wants to check to make sure he is now officially off probation. John agrees to investigate. He tells the client it will cost him $100 if the matter can be handled with a simple phone call but he will have ...

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