Denied Jokes - 48 Hilarious Denied Jokes

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Rihanna was asked; "why do you think Chris Brown was denied a visa in Australia?"

She replied:

"Beats the hell outta me"

The government denied tax exemption for my church that believes Jesus spoke with a lisp

It was a real slap in the faith

I accused my wife of adding dirt to the garden. She denied it.

The plot thickens.

What did the father goat say to the mother goat when he denied that her baby was his?

"The kid is not my son."

Australia denied entry to Djokovic, they were like...

"Novak seen, No Entry"

At the parole hearing, the officer asked, "Tell me, why should you be released early?" The inmate responded, "It’s bec..."

Officer: Yes?

Inmate: I think I have..

Officer: Go on.

Inmate: Can I Please finish my sentence?

Officer: Sure. Parole denied.

My teacher asked me if I knew any anagrams of "denied".

I said, "Indeed".

My dad got in a HUGE fight with my mom. He accused her of smearing glue on his firearms. She denied it.

But he’s sticking to his guns.

Horse walks into a bar, bartender asks “why the long face?”

Horse replies, “The bank denied my home loan because I don’t have stable income.”

A writer from the New York Times submits an article about Bernie Sanders but it is denied.

(First post here. Sorry if it sucks)

Writer: What??? I put my heart and soul into this article? What was wrong with it?

His boss: Oh, the paper’s fine, it’s just full of grammatical errors.

Writer: Like what?

His boss: Well, for example, you didn’t capitalize “Bernie Sand...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I'd rather have my orgasm denied than go off early...

Cuz hey, it's better than nuttin'

My friend was repeatedly accused of fingering girls while they were on thier period.He denied it.

Eventually they caught him red handed.

(Sorry for my english).

Trump: “THE BIG ONE is coming!” The court: “Denied.”

Melania: “Same lie every night”

When I was a kid, every time my dad farted he denied it.

It wasn't until years later that I realized he had been gaslighting me.

Why was the high wire artist denied insurance?

Outstanding balance.

What do you call a reptile that gets denied of mating?

Croc Blocked. Don't ask me my mind is weird as hell this should be in r/ComedyCemetery

Why were the melons upset when they were denied a marriage license?

Because it means they *cantaloupe*

A Muslim lady was denied entrance into Mcdonalds today until she removes her hijab....

Should have gone to Burka king.

Was denied entry to a fancy club for improper attire.

Bouncer is all like you need a jacket and tie to get in here bud. I know I've got a jacket in the car but no tie.Putting on the jacket I notice my nice new pair of jumper cables so I think ah what the hell and tie them around my neck.Go back up to the doors ask if I can go in now? Bouncer looks me u...

A wife files an accidental death claim for her husband. It gets denied. She calls the insurance company demanding to know why the policy wasn't honored. The agent reviewed the notes and informed her the policy wasn't covered because he'd died from a heart attack, to which she replied:

"My husband didn't have a heart attack on purpose!"

Why was the pc gamer denied entry into the nightclub?

It was exclusive.

A certain marsupial was denied entry into a local zoo...

His curriculum-leaftae was perfect, but he lacked the koalafications

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Did you hear about the time a sex worker denied a customer service?

She obviously didn't give a fuck.

My friend Ty recently came first in the Beijing marathon, but was denied his gold medal.

The Chinese refuse to acknowledge Ty won.

A tangent applied for a credit card, but was denied.

He couldn't find anyone willing to cosine.

A lawyer wanted to buy an apartment for his family, but kept being denied by landlords because he had 8 kids.

People keep telling him to lie about how many kids he has, but being a lawyer, he feels too guilty to lie. One day, however, he decides that enough is enough. He tells his wife to take the 7 younger kids with her and go to the cemetery. He then takes the oldest kid and brings him to visit a new apar...

Cardio B's attempt to register "Okurrr" as a trademark has been denied by the U.S. Patent Office.

Luckily, she has a backup plan: "Mediocrrre".

Years ago, Nobel peace prize winner Liu Xiaobo died in custody under Xi Jinping, who denied any connection to the incident.

They said it’s a matter of “He said, Xi said.”

Why was the American pilot denied Ace status after shooting down five A6M5's?

Because he had Zero kills.

After Trump’s NFT announcement…

He was called a charlatan. He denied it, saying he lives in Florida.

Footballer Dwight Yorke just got denied entry to the US due to an Iranian stamp in his passport.

Makes a change at least, most of his troubles are from briefly entering Jordan.

So I heard Microsoft pulled the plug after their chat robot slung slurs, ripped Obama and denied the Holocaust...

I guess there wasn't enough room for two Trumps in the Republican party.

Did you hear that Trump was accused of having dandruff?

He denied it, of course, and blamed it on flake news.

My wife is like Netflix...

She has regional content I'm denied access to.

So it turns out Mike Pence used a private email server. When questioned he denied, saying he doesn't even use email.

Alternative Fax

An animal rescuer, homeless shelter director, volunteer pediatrician, and ice cream machine repairman are waiting at the Pearly Gates

The animal rescuer meets Saint Peter who reviews her resume of thousands of animals she's saved. Shaking his head, he announces: "Denied."

Next is the homeless shelter director. Saint Peter looks over his resume, nods slightly, but still announces: "Denied."

The volunteer pediatricia...

I told my wife I’m going to start calling her Peter the Apostle.

After she denied me three times.

A Bar Opened Opposite a Church.....

The Church Prayed Daily against the bar business.

Days later the bar was struck by lightning & caught fire which destroyed it.

Bar Owner Sued the Church Authorities for the cause of its destruction, as it was an action because of their Prayer.

The Church Denied all Responsib...

Breaking World Cup News.

Ivan Toney has denied that the recent betting allegations cost him a place in the England Squad and states he is gutted he will not be involved in Monday's 2-2 draw with Iran..

Walking through the forest, an atheist hears a rustling in the bushes. Turning, he sees a massive grizzly charging towards him!

He runs as fast as he can but trips over a stump and falls. As the bear raises a huge paw to strike, the atheist screams: "God! Help me!"

Time freezes. The bear becomes immobile, the forest is silent, and the river stops running. Then the atheist hears a powerful voice: "You have denied my ex...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Communication is important! (NSFW)

A man returned home from the night shift job and went straight up to the bedroom. He found his wife with the sheet pulled over her head, fast asleep. Not to be denied, the horny husband crawled under the sheet and made love to her. Afterward, he hurried downstairs for something to eat and was startl...

Bubba has been institutionalized

He is an otherwise sane guy who can't control himself. He will make slingshot and break glass windows with it. No warning or fine has ever worked. This was the last resort.

But keeping someone institutionalized is expensive and he was liked by enough people that everyone wanted to see him ge...

For Halloween im gonna be a credit card…

Because I'm always getting denied (by ladies)

My son kept chewing on electrical cables so I finally had to ground him

Of course he denied the charge first, but later I found him coiled up in his room.

He's conducting himself better now, so I think that worked out.

Well that's the current situation anyways, but there's definitely potential for greater resistance.

Some days I just feel like I ...

A comedian's fan offered him a joint

Not wanting to disappoint his fans, he accepted it. He almost finished the drive to his lodging when a police officer stopped his car.

The officer asked him, "Have you been drinking?" The comedian denied doing so.

The officer then asked, "Is that marijuana I smell?"

The comedi...

A fabricated exchange between George Bernard Shaw and Winston Churchill.

Shaw writes to Churchill: "I'm reserving you two tickets for my new play. Come with a friend (if you have one, that is)."

Churchill replies to Shaw: "I can't make the first performance. I'll make sure to watch the second performance (if you have one, that is)."

*This exchange has mad...

In the 1970s, as manager of Baskin Robbins', my mom was tasked to create new flavors related to Richard Nixon...

Her choices, as she told me, were 'ImPeachments & Cream' and 'Watermelon-Gate' (as a sorbet).

Both were denied.

This is actually true.

Bill and Melinda started out as an Office romance

But his PowerPoint didn't Excel. So she denied him Access without a Word. Outlook not good.

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