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A cowboy sees a bunch of American Indians on the horizon and thinks: ''I'm fucked...'', but a voice in the back of his head says: ''Not so fast! Kill the chief!!!''

''What?! Why?'' - thinks the cowboy.

''Just kill the chief!'' - says the voice.

The cowboy hesitated a bit more and than drew his gun and shot the chief.

As the chief was falling from his horse the voice in the cowboy's head said: ''*Now* you're fucked...''

A village chief and his family.

There was a small village where everyone lived in grass huts.

In the middle of the village stood the biggest hut which belonged to the village chief and his family.

During the day, the chief sat in his throne which took up most of the space in his family's hut.

At night, the ...

Police chief: Do you have any leads or suspects for the murder case? Me: I'd like to interview the bartender wearing high heels and a leopard print dress.

Police chief: Please just wear your police uniform.

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It was autumn, and the natives on the reservation asked their new chief if it was going to be a cold winter.

Raised in the ways of the modern world, the chief had never been taught the old secrets and had no way of knowing whether the winter would be cold or mild. To be on the safe side, he advised the tribe to collect wood and be prepared for a cold winter.

A few days later, as a practical aftertho...

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A Navy Chief rolls onto base and sees two marines, one is digging a hole and the other marine is filling in a hole behind him.

A Navy Chief rolls onto base and sees two marines, one is digging a hole and the other marine is filling in a hole behind him. He doesn’t think much of it until lunch when he goes for a walk and sees the two still at and a whole line of freshly dug and filled in holes. He walks up to them.

C...

A man is driving down the road when he sees a Native American in a booth that says "Chief Remembers All"

So the guy pulls over and says "So, you really remember all?" And the indian says "How, stranger. Yes, I remember all" So the guy says "Ok, what did you eat for breakfast 10 years ago?"

The indian contemplates for a second, and confidently says "Eggs" so the guy says "Oh sure...How do I know ...

3 explorers went exploring in the Amazon where they got captured by cannibals

The chief of the cannibal tribe informed them that they were all going to be eaten, and their skin used for canoes, but he let them choose how they were to die.

“I’d like to be shot in the head. Quick and painless” the first explorer said. He was shot, skinned, and eaten.

“I’d like t...

A frenchman, an englishman, and a new yorker go on an expedition and find an uncharted island.

It turns out it is run by cannibals.
They are ambushed, their weapons stolen, and they are apprehended by the chief of the tribe, who says "You are forbidden from setting foot on this island. We are going to eat you and use your skins to build a canoe. However, we are not without compassion. We w...

What did the Mexican fire chief name his two children

Jose and Hose-B

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Three men wash up on an island, they find the natives, and the Chief says “Each of you go into the forest and collect 10 fruits of one kind.”

That all go rushing in to the jungle to get the fruit. The first one comes back with 10 apples. The Chief tells him to shove all 10 apples up his ass without showing any emotion at all, if he did so he would live if not he would be killed. The man got to the third when he screeched in pain, and all ...

My fore chief walks in

He said "I've got good news and bad news. The bad news is 41 children have died today in a fire. The good news is it was an orphanage and I don't have any parents to notify."

The Chiefs’ defense isn’t doing well against the Patriots’ offense...

Reminds me of colonial times.

The policeman

A police officer, though scheduled for all-night duty at the station, was relieved of duty early and arrived home four hours ahead of schedule, at 2 in the morning. Not wanting to wake his wife, he undressed in the dark, crept into the bedroom and started to climb into bed.

Just then, his wi...

A tourist visits an Indian reservation...

...where he finds an old chief who claims that he remembers everything that has ever happened in his life.

The tourist is curious and asks the chief "What did you have for breakfast on your 5th birthday?"

Without hesitation the chief replies "eggs".

Impressed, he continues his v...

An Indian tribal chief

decided to call his local National Weather Service office to see what kind of winter was expected. The forecaster replied, "Well, it looks like it will be cold." So the chief gathered his tribe together and warned them that the winter would be cold, so they needed to start collecting fire wood.
<...

The chief of police knocks on a woman's door

"Ma'am", he says, removing his hat:

"we have bad and good news"

"bad news first" the woman replies.

"I'm sorry, but a serial killer attacked your husband, cut his skin off and threw his corpse in the harbor"

The woman begins crying. "so what's the good news?"

"When...

The Lone Ranger was captured by Indians...

And was about to be put to death. The Chief spoke, "Since you are about to die, I'll grant you a wish."

The Lone Ranger said, "I want to talk to my horse."

The Chief thought it was an odd request, but consented, and Silver was led around to the Lone Ranger. The Lone Ranger whispered ...

A Cherokee chief walks into a hotel.

The receptionist: “You have a reservation?”

“Yeah you’re right.” The Cherokee chief walks away.

In the early 1800s three explorers are captured by a Native American tribe

In the early 1800s three explorers are captured by a Native American tribe...A Frenchman, an Englishman and a Russian. They are all taken in front of the chief. The chief is furious that they trespassed on the scared ancestral burial land but says they would have one chance to redeem themselves. Nex...

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An Airman, Sailor, Marine, and an Army Ranger end up on an island full of cannibals. They were captured, blindfolded, and sent to the cannibal chief.

Mobile, so formatting. Here's a few different iterations of the joke.

The chief says, "Well, gentlemen, unfortunately for you, we are going to build canoes out of your skin. However, because you all are warriors, I will grant you the option to choose how you will die."

A

The ...

The Admiral with only one ear..

Years ago, a young Navy Pilot was injured while ejecting from his A-4 Skyhawk due to engine failure during a cat shot from the carrier, but due to the heroics of rescue helicopter crew and the ship's hospital staff, the only permanent injury was the loss of one ear.
 
Since he wasn't physicall...

Missionary in the jungle

A missionary lives with a tribe in the jungle, when one day the Chief of the tribe approaches him:

"You are the only white man around here, and now my daughter gave birth to a white child! Explain yourself, or prepare to die!"

The missionary hesitates for a moment, then replies:
<...

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A little boy asks the chief of his tribe how he comes up with the names for the children of the tribe...

"When I wake up in the morning the first thing I see is what I name then new child, for example when I named your older brother I saw a raven when I woke up. For your sister I saw a Grizzly bear. Why do you ask Twodogsfucking?"

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An indian chief and his son

An indian chief and his son were sitting around a fire with most of the tribe members. The son decided that one day after a very long time of wondering, he would ask his father the process of naming the tribe members.

"Father? how do you know what to name the tribe members as they are born?" ...

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A young native American boy visits his father, the chief of the village

After a few minutes of casual discussion, the wise chief could tell the boy was upset, so he finally asks "My son, what troubles you?"

Reluctantly, the boy answers "I... seek your knowledge, father."

Smiling proudly at his son's quest for improvement, he eagerly agrees, "Of course, my...

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Too many officers~

The Navy found they had too many officers and decided to offer an early retirement bonus. They promised any officer who volunteered for retirement a bonus of $1,000 for every inch measured in a straight line between any two parts of his body.

The officer got to choose what those two points wo...

A Cherokee chief and a corporate director

A Cherokee chief, poorly dressed, and a corporate director in a fancy suit share a bench in Central Park.

The corporate guy notices that from time to time the chief is peeking at his paper bag, printed with a clever design, that rests at his feet.

“You like the bag?”

“Yes, fancy...

An Indian Chief and a Pilgrim are out hunting in the fields.

Chief - "Never hunted with white man before."

Pilgrim - "Don't worry I aim well. Last year I took down a..."

The Chief stops walking and slowly kneels down and places his right ear against the ground.

The Chief stands up. "Buffalo. Come."

Pilgrim - "How do you know?"
...

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A man is flying a plane over the Amazon, when he suddenly crashes….

But he’s ok, don’t worry. He’s staggering through the jungle when he suddenly realizes he’s surrounded by bloodthirsty savages. And he thinks, “Man, I am totally fucked.”

“No”, a voice booms out from the heavens, “You’re not fucked.”

The voice continues, “Listen to me very carefully. ...

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A young Chief of an Indian tribe wants to have sex

So he goes to the local whore house and says, "Chief want pussy." The Owner of the brothel says, "Well does Chief have any experience with pussy?" Chief, knowing that he has never had sex replies, "Chief never laid with woman before." The Owner tells the Chief, "These girls have a lot of experience ...

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Three guys stranded on an island

I didn't make this up, and it may very well be a repost, but I heard it as a kid and haven't really ever heard it told again since. Goes something like this:

Three guys crash land on an island. Immediately they are captured by the indigenous tribal people. It becomes clear that these people a...

A missionary has spent the last few months bringing the joys of Christ to a primitive forest tribe.

He has become a friend of the people, and has taught them much. One day, one of the chieftain's many wives gives birth to an albino child. The chieftain has never seen such such a thing, and immediately assumes that his wife has been unfaithful and has been intimate with the only white man in the fo...

A king is looking for a new chief advisor.

His choices are a physicist, a mathematician, and an engineer.
His test is simple: Whoever can determine the volume of a red rubber ball will be the new chief advisor, provided his explanation makes sense to the king, and that the king can trust the calculation.

The physicist goes firs...

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In the Navy.

The crusty Navy Master Chief noticed a new face and barked at him, "Get over here! What's your name, sailor?"

"John," the new seaman replied.

"Look, I don't know what kind of bleeding-heart pansy crap they're teaching sailors in boot camp these days, but I don't call anyone by his firs...

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Animals in the forest have a meeting. The bear as the chief of the forest decides to create an outhouse and they immediatelly built it.

The next day the outhouse has broken window.

So the Bear called everyone and said:

Who knows something about that?

A squirel put her arm up and says:

"I know something about that.."

"I was jumping from a branch to a branch and suddenly the wolf took me, clean his a...

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In a kingdom far far away

The king had a beautiful wife. The beauty of the queen was world renown and was a thing of extreme pride for the king. But, one thing that gave the king extreme head ache was that he doubted his queen. He was paranoid that she was sleeping with someone else in the palace, may be one of his ministers...

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An old cowboy was captured by some Indians and was taken to the chief.

The chief said, "For trespassing on our sacred land you will be put to death in 3 days, but at the morning of each day I will grant you one request."

Two young men from the tribe woke him up early the first morning and asked him what his first request is.

"Just let me talk to my horse,...

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A Priest was about to finish his tour of duty in the jungle where he has spent years teaching the natives to be civilized and kind to each other when he realizes that the one thing he never taught them was how to speak English.

So he takes the chief for a walk in the forest. He points to a tree and says to the chief, "This is a tree."

The chief looks at the tree and grunts, "Tree."

The Priest is pleased with the response. They walk a little further and he points to a rock and says, "This is a rock."

He...

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A Native American Chief was asked by somebody on his reservation how cold the coming winter will be...

He isn't sure what to say, but to be safe he responds, "It will be very cold. Start collecting firewood to prepare."

Later that week he realizes that he might be wrong with his prediction, so he walks into the city and uses a pay phone to call the local weather station.

He asks them, ...

A Native American chief had three wives, each of whom was pregnant.

The first gave birth to a boy. The chief was so elated that he built her a teepee made of deer hide.

A few days later, the second gave birth, also to a boy. The chief was very happy. He built her a teepee made of antelope hide.

The third wife gave birth a few days later, but the chief ...

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Once Apon a time, the Chief samurai of the land was sick, and needed to chose his successor

Only three people singled up. A Japanese Samurai, a Chinese Samurai and a Jewish samurai.

The Japanese Samurai went first. He opened a box with a fly in it. With one swipe of his blade, the fly fell done, cut in two.

The Chinese Samurai went next. He opened another box with a fly in ...

Speeding motorist

A police officer in a small town stopped a motorist who was speeding down Main Street.

"But officer," the man began, "I can explain."

"Just be quiet," snapped the officer. "I'm going to let you cool your heels in jail until the chief gets back."

"But, officer, I just wanted to s...

Why was Buzzfeed's chief editor found dead in the bathroom?

He couldn't believe number two would shock him.

A professor travels to Africa to live with a primitive tribe...

...and spends years with them, teaching them all about the wonders of science, mathematics, and formatting Reddit comments so they get the most upvotes. One day, the Chief's wife gives birth to... a white child!

The word spreads, and the entire tribe is in shock. The chief pulls the professo...

So there was a tribal chief who decided he needed the biggest hut in the village...

so he gathered the grass he needed and built the only two story hut in the village. He placed his throne on the second story and held audiences there. One night while he slept the throne fell through the floor and crushed his head. The moral of this story is that people who live in grass houses shou...

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{Long} The Red Indian chief

just died right before the winter, after ruling for 40 years. His son became the new chief. According to the tradition, to prove his worth as the leader, he has to correctly speculate how cold would be the winter this year. With his guidance, people will gather right amount of wood for the whole win...

After a series of crimes in the Glasgow area, Chief Inspector McTavish has announced that he’s looking for a man with one eye.

but If he doesn’t find him, he’s going to use both eyes.

What is the Master Chief's favorite band?

Slayer.

What did the cannibal chief say about eating one of his villagers?

Nothing, it was a very tender subject.

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3 men are walking through the jungle when they get taken by cannibals

They beg for their lives are given the chance of freedom - they have to go out into the jungle and collect 10 pieces of the same fruit.

So off they go and not long after the 1st man returns with 10 apples. This is when he is told about the 2nd part of the deal

"You must insert all of t...

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A young tribal boy asks the village chief:

“How did Howling Moon receive her name?”

*Ah,* answers the chief. “As her mother went into labor there was a lone wolf howling into the moon!”

The boy ponders and asks, “What about Jumping Brook? How was he named?”

“Oh yes,” answered the Chief. “On the morning of his birth we wa...

Why did Chief Auto Parts change the company's name?

Injun trouble

The President and his closest allies are involved in a terrible plane crash, and are left clinging to debris in the middle of the stormy sea.

As time passes, their arms grow weaker, and the squall grows stronger, until the waves threaten to swallow them up. Suddenly, an army helicopter appears overhead, and a Soldier on board lowers a rope to pull the President up.

As soon as the head of government is brought in, the Soldier turns ...

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An Englishman, a Frenchman and an Australian, are hiking through the South American jungle

When all of sudden, they see a crystal clear pool at the foot of a mountain. They're all hot and tired, so naturally, they strip off and jump in, and to their surprise, that are captured by natives. They are brought in front of the chief and told that the pool is sacred. He tells them that they are ...

A Native American boy goes to his chief with a question

“Chief Running Bear, where do our names come from?”

The Chief replied, “You are named after the first thing we see in nature after you are born. Soon after I was born, my chief saw a bear running through the trees, so I am named Running Bear. Why do you ask, Two Dogs Humping?”

An American Indian chief took three wives...

To the first, he gave a buffalo hide. To the second, he gave a deer hide. But for the third, his favorite, he sent a brave far away, across land and water, to retrieve the rare and highly coveted hide of the hippopotamus.

Within a year, the first two squaws had each borne the Indian chief a s...

White priest goes and lives with an African tribe...

He spends his days teaching the way of the lord. After several years, a village woman gives birth to a white baby. The Chief is not happy with this. When he confronts the priest, the priest tries to explain these things happen in nature. With the chief not understanding, the priest tries to explain ...

So the Pope is super early for his flight.

He asks his driver on his way to the airport if he could drive around for a while because they have time to kill and he hasn't driven a car since becoming the pope.

Naturally, he's a bit rusty, so he's driving poorly, when suddenly he sees police lights behind him. He pulls over and when the ...

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The Brit, the Frenchman, the Gangster and the Tribals

One day, a trio of adventurers are making their way through the Amazon. The group consists of a die-hard Brit, a die-hard Frenchman and a recent addition to the team, a gangster from downtown Chicago. Eventually, the party is caught by a group of tribals and put in a cage. The chief of the tribals a...

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An Englishman, a Frenchman, and an American are in the jungle.

Suddenly they're captured by cannibals, dragged off and tied to a tree. Shortly the Englishman is untied and brought before the chief of the cannibal tribe. The chief says "Okay, here's the deal: we're gonna kill you, we're gonna cook you, we're gonna eat you, and then we're gonna use your skin to m...

An engineer, a physicist, and an accountant were being interviewed for a position as chief executive officer of a large corporation.

The engineer was interviewed first, and was asked a long list of questions, ending with: “How much is two plus two?” The engineer excused himself, and made a series of measurements and calculations before returning to the boardroom and announcing, “Four.”

The physicist was interviewed next, a...

Never thought I would hear an actual funny joke in church

Heard this joke from my priest at church (I live in Kansas City).

A man who lived a lifetime of trouble died and was sentenced to smash rocks in hell to suffer for his sins. One day the devil walked up to the man who was breaking the rocks with ease and asked him how he was doing it so effort...

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Three men are shipwrecked on an island inhabited by cannibals.

The cannibals capture the men and bring them to their chief. The chief orders, "you three have to face my trial. If you succeed, you will be freed. But if you fail, we will eat you. Now, go around the island, collect ten units of one fruit and come back to me." The three men obey, and set off on the...

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Indian chief...

As long as anyone could remember, this Indian chief was in charge of naming all the children born in the tribe. 

One day , this brave one comes up to him and says , "Chief, can I ask you something, how do you name these children? How do you think of their names?"

Chief says, " It is v...

What happened to the Native American chief who drank 10 pots of tea before going to sleep?

He drowned in his teapee

A man meets a Native American with flawless memory...

When he meets this Native American Chief he notices he is older than most.
He asks the Chief many questions, and the Chief replies flawlessly to each one.

Then he thinks of a random date and asks the Chief, "What did you eat on October 18, 1987?" The Chief replies "Eggs".

He leaves ...

President Trump accidentally bumped into Chief Justice Roberts.

Trump: "Pardon me."

Roberts: "Well that is your absolute right."

The police chief is interviewing applicants for a detective job.

The chief says to the three applicants "Alright, one of the most important things for a detective is to have good observational skills, so I'm going to give you all a little test. You'll each get a photo to examine for just five seconds, then you have to tell me what you notice about the subject's a...

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Three explorers arrive on an island inhabited by a tribe of cannibals...

The chief of the tribe captures them and after a long time of hearing the explorers beg for their lives, the chief gives them a challenge. "Okay, you can live, but each of you must bring me ten peices of the same type of fruit." So on their way they go.

The first explorer returns with ten ap...

Big Chief, No fart.

In a small Native community the Medicine Man is making a potion when Big Chief of the Tribe who is suffering from severe constipation walks in and says

"Big Chief No Fart"

The Medicine man Gives him a Potion from the shelf. Big Chief walks away.

The next day Big Chief walks in ...

The Chief of Police died responding to people changing fonts on town signs

There we were, left sans-sheriff

A Native American asked his chief about the coming winter

"How bad will this winter be?" He asked.

"It is good to be prepared. Get some firewood ready" replied the chief.

The chief then called his friend in the national weather service to ask him. " How bad will this winter be?"

The meteorologist said "this will be a pretty cold winter...

Ever hear about the Indian Chief who drank 40 cups of tea?

He drowned in his tea-pee

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Big Chief Joke

Old as dirt but still funny.

A female reporter, interviewing an American Indian chief, asked the significance of the varied number of feathers in Indian headdresses. 

"Feathers show number of sexual partners," the chief replied. Indicating a nearby young brave, 
He continued, "Him? ...

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Now that you put it that way...

A christian missionary spends a year in a remote African village spreading the gospel. In that time the tribal chiefs daughter gets pregnant, and eventually has a baby that turns out to be white.

Outraged the chief confronts the missionary. Being the only white person his daughter had ever ...

A military plane crashes on a cannibal island

The crew are taken to the chief, who asks:

"Which of you has the highest rank?"

"I do. I am Flight Commander," the Flight Commander says.

"Well congratulations!" says the cannibal. "Tomorrow you'll be Commander-in-Chief!"

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2 friends shipwrecked on a desert island.....

....walking around trying to find help they got captured by a tribute living on that island. The chief of tribute , that is against all laughters, says to them:
"well.. I will give you ONE chance to get out from here alive, what you will need to do is: go into the jungle, and bring me back 50 fru...

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The Terrible Legend of Bahuda

Three explorers are making their way through a one of those generic jungles that always shows up in these sorts of jokes, when they are suddenly ambushed by a tribe of massive cannibals. (That's "massive" in the sense that they are very large, although they are also particularly passionate about eat...

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Three men were shipwrecked and washed up onto a tropical island...

After the first night the men woke up in the morning and were surrounded by a native tribe of the island.

Not being able to understand the language the men believed they were being rescued by the tribe.

They returned to the tribes village and quickly learned that tribe was cannibalis...

Native American Chief and his 3 sons

One evening, a Native American chief sat down to eat dinner with his wife and three sons. The youngest son, asked his dad how he was named because his friend, Sharp Spear, told him that his name came from what his dad is known for- sharpening spears for the village men. The chief looked at his son, ...

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Death or Kutomba? [possibly NSFW]

Three men go hunting in jungles of central Africa. Unfortunately, they get caught by the local tribes.


Tribal Chief to the first man," Do you want death or Kutomba?"
The man thinks, anything is better than death.

He replies,"Kutomba."

Immediately he is grabbed by other ...

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Hitler is chairing a Nazi economic meeting.

The Reich’s Commerce Minister is delivering a tremendously boring report on minerals, and Hitler is about to nod off. “We are mining too many ores that are useless to the war effort. We need to mine less,” the minister says.

The Reich’s Chief Engineer, who is a stickler for grammar, is irrita...

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Two guys get captured by a primitive tribe on a remote island.

The first guy is taken to the tribe chief.

The chief says: You have two options: Giri-Giri or death

The first guy thinks to himself: "Anything is better than death."

Guy 1: I choose Giri-Giri

The whole tribe fucks him in the ass for the entire day

He comes to guy 2...

President Trump was told about the new abortion bill.

Trump in a low whisper to his chief of staff:
“I thought I paid that bill already.”

A 20 year old man goes to India to visit and old chief

and this chief claims to know everything about anything, so the man goes up to him and says, "Chief, do you know the result between Wigan and Shrewsbury Town in the 1927 FA Cup?" The chief replies, "1-0 to Wigan." Being a Wigan fan himself, the man was amazed at his knowledge and thanked him. 50 yea...

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A guy was recruited for the first settlement on another planet....

The Settlement Chief met him on the landing site.

"This place is going to take some getting used to. It's like a mirror version of Earth. The elements which are rare on Earth are the most abundant here while the common elements are extremely rare."

"So why are we here then," the guy a...

What's the difference between the Kansas City Chiefs and a dollar bill?

You can still get four quarters out of a dollar bill.

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