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General Jokes

A general walks up to his private

"Private!"

"Yes, sir!"

"I didn't see you in camouflage tactics training this morning!"

"Thank you, sir!"

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Vladimir Putin was being briefed by one of his top generals.

"I've good news and bad news for you this morning, sir."

"Let's hear the good news," the president replied.

"Intelligence reports indicate that the latest additions to the Ukranian arsenal are damaged and outdated, and many won't pose any threat to us at all."

"That's excellent!...

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They DoD realized they have too many Generals.

So they offer a retirement package where they have a doctor measure the distance between any two points on their body and they get $10,000 for every inch.

An Air Force General is the first two take the offer and has the doctor measure him from the top of this head to the bottom of this feet. ...

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A marine general, an army general, and a navy admiral were discussing who had the toughest men...

The army general says, "Alright, I'll prove the army has the toughest men in the country. Private, get over here!"

The private reports as ordered, "Yes sir?"

The general says, "See that man over there? Kill him!"

Without hesitating, the private kills the man.

The gener...

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A general, a colonel and a major were having a heated argument on the subject of sex.

The general maintained that sex was 60 percent work and 40 percent fun.
The colonel said that it was 75 percent work and 25 percent fun.
The major thought it was 90 percent work and 10 percent fun.

At the height of the argument, a private appeared at the door. "Let's leave it to him," ...

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During WW2, three generals were arguing who had the bravest soldiers.

The British general called one of his men over.

“Private! See that nazi tank in the minefield there? Go destroy it.”

“Yes, Sir!” The soldier replied and started running.

He ran across the unmarked minefield until within range of the tank with his anti-tank weapon, took aim and f...

Soon after the General retired..., he decided he must do something different...

He booked himself on a Caribbean cruise and proceeded to have the time of his life, that is, until the ship sank...!

*He soon found himself on an island with no flagstaff, no batmen, no ADC, no club, no canteen, no supplies, nothing, only bananas and coconuts.*

After about four months,...

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After returning home from the Vietnam war, a general stands before three of his soldiers.

He says, “For your bravery and dedication, you will be greatly rewarded. This is what we’re going to do: choose any length of your body to be measured, and I will give you as many million dollars as feet the part you chose is long.”

The first soldier spreads his arms as much as he can and ask...

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The military is cutting staff and decide to get rid of three generals. One from the Army, the Airforce, and the Marines.

All of them are old, grizzled men who had seen their fair share of war, so the Pentagon comes up with a unique bonus system for their service. They can choose two points of their bodies and for every inch between them they would get 10k.

First up was the Army general. He chose to measure betw...

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Three Soviet generals wager who has bravest soldiers

Soviet army organizes a large military exercise. Three high-ranking officers - an army general, a navy admiral and an air force commander watch the war games from an observation bunker, drink vodka and argue who has bravest men. They can not reach a conclusion, so the army general calls his troops a...

A woman asked a General in the army the last time he made love to a woman...

The general stood tall and said "1956 ma'am." The woman, taken back by this answer said "1956?! That long?! Let me make your night better..." and the two sauntered away to a private room. The woman began to strip and the two made passionate love for an hour. The woman cuddled up to the army general ...

With all the pictures of Epstein attending parties, talking to important people and generally socialising

It's obvious he didn't like to hang by himself

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The Pentagon said they had too many generals running around

so they wanted to get rid of some of them. To go about this, they decided to offer $10,000 in severance pay for each inch of their body that they wanted measured. The Air Force general went first. He said he wanted to be measured from the top of his head to his toes. He was 69 inches, so he received...

A man walks into an army base and kills a lieutenant, a private, and two generals

There were no Major causalties

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Whenever I hear of a Putin General I think of this really piss poor joke:

A soldier shows up for military training, but realizes he forgot to bring his gun.

The sergeant hands him a stick and gestures to the training field.

"You'll have to use this, soldier. If you need to shoot someone, just aim your stick at them and shout 'Bangity bang-bang'. If someone g...

"I'm sorry" and "I apologize" generally mean the same thing...

...except at funerals.

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putin walks into a meeting with all his top generals and demands "How is my special operation against Ukraine and NATO Nazis going!?"

The generals all look at each other nervously

"Well...." demands putin "tell me now!!"

The top general stands and says "Well we have been fighting for 4 weeks. We have lost over 15,000 brave soldiers, 6 generals, over 500 tanks and fighting vehicles, 3 ships, 100 planes and drones and ...

The surgeon general warns, "do not run while smoking marijuana".

It's hard on your joints.

A British General and his Men

A British General had sent some of his men off to fight for their country in the Falkland Island Crisis.

Upon returning to England from the South American island, three soldiers that had distinguished themselves in battle were summoned to the General’s office.

“Since we weren’t actuall...

Trump received a conference call from his Top General in Iraq.

General: "This morning, 3 Brazilian soldiers were killed."

Trump's face went Egg shell White. The blood left his face and to every ones amazement he collapsed on the floor.

Minutes passed and to every ones relief President Trump sat back on his chair

His staff was nothing less t...

The KGB, the FBI, and the CIA are all trying to prove they are the best at catching criminals. The Secretary General of the UN decides to set them a test. He releases a rabbit into a forest, and each of them has to catch it.

The CIA people go in. They place animal informants throughout the forest. They question all plant and mineral witnesses. After three months of extensive investigations, they conclude that the rabbit does not exist.

The FBI goes in. After two weeks with no leads they burn the forest, killing e...

A general noticed that one of his soldiers was behaving oddly since some days.

The soldier would pick up any piece of paper he found, frown and say,

"That's not it" and put it down again. This went on for some time, until the general arranged to have the soldier psychologically tested. The psychologist concluded that the soldier was deranged, and wrote out his discharge...

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A gray haired Army general walks into a hotel bar and sits down next to a young, attractive woman.

They hit it off, and she likes a man in uniform, so she says, “Why don’t you come up to my room?”

The general says, “I’m flattered but at my age I’m not sure if things would work the way you hope.”

She says, “But you’re in good shape...tell me, when was the last time you had sex?”
<...

The general and the truck

The brigade is moving for the exercise, and the general’s jeep has left camp last and is speeding to catch up the long column of trucks. After a bend in the road they come across one of their trucks, stopped with a wheel in the ditch. The general tells his driver to stop and jumps out to berate the ...

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A general inspects his troops

A rough old general has heard about a unit with the reputation of being filled with the toughest soldiers around and decides to see for himself.

After reviewing the troops he decides to go to the medical tent to meet the soldiers who weren't at the parade.

The general gets to the first...

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A General wants to reserve a Jeep from the motor pool.

A general wants to reserve a jeep from the motor pool. His assistant is out so he makes the call himself.

"Motor pool"

"Hello, yes, I'd like to reserve a jeep for General Franklin"

"Well it better be a big jeep if fatass Franklin wants to go for a ride in it."

The General...

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A Chinese general, an American Officer, and a random drunk asshole sit down in a bar and start to brag.

"If all our bombers were to be airborne at once," says the American, "you wouldn't be able to see any part of the sky".

"Hah" boasts the Chinese General, "if all our soldiers were to march at once, you wouldn't be able to see an inch of the ground."

The situation grows tense, and the d...

Where does a General keep his armies?

In his sleevies

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A general approaches hitler

“Sir, our mining operations are overwhelmed, we aren’t able to ship what we produce. We are simply producing far too many tons of ores!

Hitler responds: “Just mine less”

A grammar nazi interjects: “Mine fewer”

People generally aren't too nice

In fact, the average person is mean

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Several of Hitlers Generals disappeared after the war, and became animal doctors.

Because they were Veteran Aryans.

The FBI, the CIA, and the KGB are all trying to prove they are the best at catching criminals. The Secretary General of the UN decides to set them a test. He releases a rabbit into a forest, and each of them has to catch it.

The FBI receive 1000 tips about the rabbit's location but refuses to investigate.

The CIA burns down the whole forest and said there's no rabbit.

The KGB drags a man out of the forest and beats him as he screams "OK I'm a rabbit!"

Two generals

During WWII, the German and Italian General were standing on a cliff in Northern France, watching as the Allied Troop carrier ships were approaching the coast.

The German General yelled,

\- “Capitan, bring me my red coat.”

The surprised Italian General said,

\- “But a w...

The Ukranian Soldier

A Russian general hears someone shouting from the woods - "One Ukranian soldier is better than ten Russian". The angry general sends ten men to deal with the annoying Ukranian. After a short period of shots and screams, another shout is heard - "One Ukranian is better than a hundred Russians". The g...

My father is a 4-star General in the Army.

Which means he has mostly favourable reviews on TripAdvisor.

When is a General not a General?

When he's being specific!

I don't mean to make sweeping generalizations

but all brooms are pretty much the same.

The captured English general and French general

a bash on the French, plus first post here: apologies, but anyway ...



During the Napoleonic wars, an English general (EG) is captured by the French. eventually the French general (FG) responsible for the capturing force faces upto the EG for the interrogation:

FG: i dont unders...

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Billy arrived at his new job, the local garden center/general store.

Mr Howard said "Just watch how I interact with the customers, Billy, and follow my lead. We need to upsell."

"Ok," says Billy, "I'm all ears."

A man walks in and mills around the store for a while, then comes up to the counter with a packet of grass seeds.

Mr Howard engages the ...

As a general rule, I never make fun of short people.

They have it hard enough putting food on the table.

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On board an aircraft carrier there are 3 generals, one American, one Russian and one British...

Suddenly, just for bragging rights, the American general says

"American soldiers are the bravest. Look! Smith, jump into the sea, swim around the vessel and come back!".

Smith jumps in to the sea, swims around the aircraft carrier, and jumps back. The American general looks at the ot...

Memo from Director General to Manager:

Today at 11 o'clock there will be a total eclipse of the sun. This is when the sun disappears behind the moon for two minutes. As this is something that cannot be seen every day, time will be allowed for employees to view the eclipse in the car park. Staff should meet in the car park at ten to eleve...

An army general needs some change

An Army general is standing before a vending machine on base, finding himself short on cash for a cold drink. He sees a nearby soldier and asks him, "Do you have any spare change?" The soldier replies, "Sure thing, man, I got a couple of quarters," and digs into his pocket.

The general narrow...

General Frederick D. Grant said to his servant one morning

"James, I have left my mess boots out. I want them soled."

"Yes, sir, the servant answered."

The general dressed for dinner that night, said again: "I suppose, James, that you did as I told you about those boots."

"Yes, sir, said he, and this is all I could get for them, though...

Three vampires sit in a cave in the black of night, sharing a drink, laughing, and generally having a good time that one would not associate with the undead.

The night grew longer, and an observer, should they be careful enough, would learn that vampires can indeed get drunk.

Eventually, the three begin to bicker about which of them is the most powerful and deadly.

The youngest suddenly gets up, and flies off into the night. Almost instantl...

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So the pentagon had to many generals...

so they had to fire a few, they would pay them 100,000$ per ft in anyway they wanted to be messured,

the army general wanted to be measured from his feat to the top of his head, he made 600,000$

the navy general wanted to be measured from his stomach around, he made 400,000$

the...

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During WW2 the allies capture a german general a Japanese general and an italian general.

They take the German general first, they take him and tie his hands behind his back. "I'm never gonna talk" he says "we'll see" says the torturers. After six hours of torture the german general confesses everything he knows. They then throw him back into the cell and take the Japanese general and ti...

Psychiatrist: "You need to think more positive and generalize less."

Me: "Yeah, it's a shame that everyone's so negative."

Did you read that news story about the farmer who was promoted to war general?

I thought it was really inspirational at first, but he was actually removed from service not long after.

It turns out he kept seeding ground.

The army had to fire three of their generals..

They decided that a monetary compensation would be fitting, so they lined the three generals up and said:

"You will be paid a thousand dollars for each centimeter of distance you create from one body part to another"

The first general stretched his arms as far from each other as he pos...

It is 1939 and a Soviet army is marching on Finland

As they pass the border, they hear a Finnish voice over the hill -

"One Finnish soldier is better than 10 Soviet soldiers!"

The Soviet general laughs, as he sends 10 men on the hill to capture it.

There is gunfire for a minute and then everything goes silent for a moment, and th...

Sturgeon General's Warning:

Eating caviar is injurious to health.

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A Soviet general is marching his army through Poland.

As they're passing by a hill, they hear a voice cry out from the other side of it. "No Soviet soldier can stand up to one Polish soldier!"

The general is furious. Such disrespect to the motherland is intolerable. He points to his best foot soldier, and says, "Comrade Ivan, take that hill in t...

General approaches the Bugler

The General went to the company Bugler.

I understand that you're something of a composer. One of my senior officers has been run over by a tank, and I'd like you to write a funeral dirge for him.

No sweat.

What key will you compose it in?

It would be fitting to use A flat...

Two French generals...

... of the Napolean army were watching a battle from a nearby hill. Suddenly, a stray bullet struck one of them in the shoulder. Without an instants' pause, he turned to his aide. "Fetch me my red jacket," he commanded. As the aide rushed to comply, he turned to the other General, and explained that...

A Russian general walks into a room to see Vladimir Putin crying at a table.

A Russian general walks into a room to see Vladimir Putin crying at a table.

"Comrade President! What is wrong?"

"I've been working on this jigsaw puzzle from America all morning, but I can't get any of the pieces to fit!"

"Da, Vlad, I see. Everything will be OK. Why don't we...

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The Usas government noticed that their army has too many generals.

So they decided to call over every over 60-year old general to the Pentagon for retirement. The government decided to measure the amount of money to the severance pay by measuring the length between two different body parts. The generals would get 10000$ for every centimeter.

The first genera...

The Sturgeon General told me that smoking is bad for your health

Sure it may be dangerous for him but it cures the fish

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General in the desert

This general in the Foreign Legion is transferred to a new fort, and half way through his tour of the place, he spots a mangey old camel tied up at the back of the fort. He turns to the corporal: "What in God's name do you use that for?", he asks. The corporal replies "Well, sir, there are a lot of ...

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The Pentagon found that it employed too many generals and decided to send some with early retirement.

They promised every general retired a full annual income and all associated benefits plus $ 10,000 for each inch measured in a straight line between two self-chosen points on his own body.

The first who accepted the retirement plan asked to measure the distance between the tips of his toes an...

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General Custer’s Last Stand

An eccentric billionaire wanted a mural painted on his library wall, so he called an artist.

Describing what he wanted, the billionaire said, "I am a history buff, and I would like your interpretation of the last thing that went through Custer's mind before he died. I am going out of town...

The Soviet army is marching in Finland

They hear a voice from the other side of a hill: One Finnish soldier is better than ten Soviet soldiers. The Soviet general sends ten soldiers. There is some gunfire then everything is quiet again. The voice then says, one Finnish soldier is better than one hundred Soviet soldiers. The Soviet genera...

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Three Generals are arguing about which branch of the service has the bravest members...

Army General says "watch this" and calls a dog soldier over and tells him to climb a nearby flag pole and sing the caissons go rolling along. The soldier salutes smartly and promptly complies, and the General is smug while remarking "now THAT'S bravery".


Navy Admiral calls a squid over a...

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General Custer

General Custer just died at his infamous last stand, his wife, making funeral arrangements speaks to his best friend who was also at the battle. " You we there in his final moments, I want you to make his tombstone commemorating his final thoughts and wishes." Mrs. Custer says, thinking it's thoug...

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A young soldier was sent to the personnel office and assigned the task of registering recruits for life insurance.

Because of the cost, most soldiers didn't buy the life insurance, but after only 1 month on the job he had sold a record number of policies.

His captain noticed but thought it was a fluke. However, the following month, he doubled sales. A month later, when he set the army record for policies ...

Russia is invading Finland

During the invasion a Russian general and his troops come to a hill.

They hear a voice shouting: "One Fin can beat ten Russians!"

The general laughs about it and sends ten of his troops to go kill whoever is on the other side of the hill. There is alot of noise and shooting and after ...

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Three generals are arguing over who has the bravest soldiers.

The first general calls up a private from his army and tells him: "Climb that building and leap down from the roof!". With a "Yes sir!", the soldier climbed the building, leapt off and crashed violently on the concrete floor. The second general called up a private from his army and orders him: "Put ...

My marriage counselor asked if it was true that I generally wake up grumpy in the morning

I said, "Nah, most of the time I just let her sleep"

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My General Manager at work, told me I need to quit masturbating...

When I asked why, he told me because you're still on the clock... And to go home...

Generally, when Communist countries get patriotic…

it’s a big red flag

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If General Motors Built Cars like Microsoft...



This is an old joke and sadly some of this has come to pass.



If General Motors Built Cars like Microsoft...

At a recent computer expo (COMDEX), Bill Gates reportedly compared the computer industry with the auto industry and stated: "If GM had kept up with technology li...

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Putin and two Russian generals are sitting in the Russian presidential aircraft

Putin gets bored and suggests to play a game to kill some time.
They came up with the idea that each of them will throw something out of the plane and later they will go to check what happened on the ground.

The first general pulls a Zippo lighter from his pocket, throws it out the wind...

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A USMC General, US Army General, USAF General and a Navy Admiral were arguing about which branch has the bravest servicemembers.

The Marine General trying to prove his men and women were the most brave said, “watch this” and commanded a nearby Marine Corporal to shoot himself in the head with his sidearm... the Corporal drew his pistol blew his head off and the Marine General said, “See, the Marines are the bravest.”

T...

Obama and a general are discussing how to attack ISIS

Obama: “We need to get boots on the ground to attack them. Send in soldiers, artillery, and trucks.”

General: “You are forgetting something important sir.“

Obama: “No I am not.”

General: “Tanks, Obama.”

Why do men generally pass away sooner than their wife?

They want to.

A general, an officer, an old lady, and an attractive young woman all board a train together.

As they ride along they go in a dark tunnel and can't see anything. Suddenly, they hear a quick smooch followed by a loud smack!

The old lady thinks, "that young girl has some fine morals, smacking a man for trying to steal a kiss."

The young woman thinks, "how odd, the general tried t...

So a lady saw an army general..

So a lady saw an army general, looking quite charismatic. She instantly felt like hooking up with him. So she kissed him held his hands and took him to a room. On the way she asked him, "so tell me general when was the last time you made love to a woman?"

The general, still savoring the taste...

General Motors will introduce 2 new warning lights for their cars!

One to tell you that you need a new engine and the other to tell you that you need a new car.

The dyslexic general was trying to determine if the reports he read indicated a nuclear threat or not

In the end, he said it was unclear

A retired Army General moves into a new apartment after quitting service.

Over the next few weeks, his new neighbors realized that on the weekends he would return to his apartment at 2am very drunk, remove his left boot and slam it on the floor, remove his right boot and slam it on the floor even harder and then go to sleep. Since the force of these thunderous slams was e...

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So there's a Marine general

an Army general, an Air Force general and a Navy Admiral sitting in the club arguing about who's enlisted members have the biggest balls.

So the Navy Admiral tells a Seaman, "That guy standing at the end of the bar, go kick his ass " So he goes over and proceeds to kick his ass. The Admiral ...

A Finnish joke from the Cold War

During the Cold War, a foreign journalist asked a Finnish general what Finland would do if the USSR and NATO would fight a war in Finland.

He replied “first we would beat out NATO, and then the Soviets”.

The journalist was surprised about the order and asked why.

“We are civiliz...

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At the office of the General Secretary of the Soviet Union, the phone rings.

Comrade Stalin answers it and from the other side of the line a voice says: “This is Tapani from Finland. I am ringing you from Helsinki to inform you that we officially declare war on you!”

Stalin replies: “Well Tapani, that is indeed important news. How big is your army?”

“Right now,...

How many Russian generals does it take to win a war in Ukraine?

More than 3....

What is a Pirate's favorite letter?

The one from the General Manager telling him he's been traded to the Mets.



Thanks to everyone who awarded this post! You're so kind .

Why is it generally a bad idea to marry chess pieces?

Well many would think of it as a Rook-ie mistake

A General was dispatched to the Kremlin I order to give Putin an update on the situation in Ukraine.

When he got there, he was met at the door by a Marshall, who pulled him aside and whispered “The President is a very busy man, and he only has the time for a single word from you, so think it over, and choose your word wisely!”

So the general mulled it over, as he nervously awaited his call. ...

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Three generals are having a day off at the beach

The American General begins to boast: "Our submarines are the best in the world! The newest 2016 model can stay weeks under water without having to surface!"

The Russian general is unimpressed and says: "Russian U-boat is best. Months we stay under water and no need to go up!"

The Ger...

A general is inspecting the drydock where an advanced prototype is in the final stages of commissioning.

The project manager excitedly explains how the attack submarine will be much faster than an enemy due to an innovative design which drastically reduces drag forces. The general asks how progress is coming along.

The manager replies, “The propulsion system is complete, I think it's ready for ...

A man in the army walks up to the General's office...

A man in the army walks up to the General's office and knocks. The General says "Come in". The man enters the office, salutes at the General, and says "Sir, I'd like you to demote me from my rank, all the soldiers make fun of me!"

"Sorry, but demotion is not something we carry out in the army...

An 80-year-old man went to the doctor for a general check-up.

The doctor was shocked to see his health,
Asked--
'What is the secret of your good health ....?'

- 'I get up before the sun rises and go out for cycling and then come and drink two glasses of wine!
Maybe this is the secret of my health. '

Doctor - 'Okay, but can I ask you how ...

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The faithful soldier

One day an army general suspects that his platoon of 100 men are all having sex with his lovely wife. So one night he decides to see if he is right in his suspicions. While his wife is sleeping he gets up and puts in a anti cheat device inside of his wife’s private part. It’s in the shape of a tiny ...

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Historians are now generally agreed

that Romulus was a real son of a bitch.

The russian general secretary, Leonid Brezhnev, calls in the head of the FSB, Sergey Beseda.

Leonid says "How many Ukrainian born citizens do we have in the russian federation?"
Sergey says "About 5 million."
Leonid says "How many do you think would leave if allowed to?"
Sergey says "About 50 million."

Scouts are generally an easy-going bunch

But they can be in tents

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A Geordie private in the Napoleonic Wars was walking alongside his General when he heard a rythmic rumble in the distance.

"Whats that noise, General?" the Private asked.

"Those are war drums, lad"

"Thieving bastards!"

---

Hope you all enjoy this niche bit of Northern English humour!

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A Navy Admiral, Air Force General, and Marine General are prepping for retirement...

The VA clerk explains to them, “Gentlemen, we are going to try out a new policy. Pick 2 points on your body and whatever the distance in inches between them is, that will determine your annual retirement pay.”

The Navy Admiral steps forward and says, “Well let’s make this easy. I want you to ...

Why did the general throw a bucket of water over a bunch of soldiers?

Cause he wanted to wash his privates.

My lack of general knowledge

Is my Achilles knee

What do you call the Christmas tree of a General?

Highly Decorated

In this family, I am the General, and my wife is the Major

Because my wife makes all the major decisions, while I decide on the general ones.

Did you hear that toms general store and andys drug store are merging?

I guess you could call it a marriage of convenience.

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Donald Trump meets the Queen...

Donald Trump meets with the Queen. He asks her, "Your Majesty, how do you run such an efficient government? Are there any tips you can give to me?"

"Well," says the Queen, "the most important thing is to surround yourself with intelligent people."

Trump frowns. "But how do I know the p...

A North Korean general is to undergo surgery

"His heart again?", asks the doctor

"No, chest expansion surgery, to make room for one more Gold medal"

A Military General Joking About Marines

This happened earlier today at a patriotic chapel service (could be the joke in itself)

Marine: \*walks into store in full uniform\* Hello, I'd like to purchase that TV set.

Employee: We are sorry sir, but I won't sell that to a marine.

Marine: This is outrageous and unfair. I w...

My wife is a lot like the general election...

She only comes once every 4 years.

What are chubby Mid-eastern moms generally named?

Fatima.

Old army joke

A new captain becomes leader of a company of soldiers. As he goes about learning everything on how they do things he finds two soldiers guarding a bench. He asks his sergeants why they're guarding the bench and they say the previous commander ordered it. He calls the previous commander up, now a maj...

Putin is having a meeting in the Kremlin with his generals on the war in Ukraine.

When the meeting concludes, Sergei Shoigu, Minister of Defense is the first one to step out. As he does so, he mutters under his breath, "wily little prick". However, he is heard by Putin's secretary who immediately reports to his boss. Putin orders Shoigu to be brought back.

When he's back i...

Where is General Vicinity?

He’s somewhere nearby.

Trump walks into the UN General Assembly

Everyone laughs

A general once asked Napoleon Bonaparte if he was capable of leading a country.

"Of Corsican," he replied.

Man says to his wife: today is International Generalizations Day

Wife replies: that's EVERY day with you

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An Army general, an Air Force general and a Navy admiral were having lunch and talking at the officers club when the topic of bravery came up in their conversation.

The Air Force man said that the men in the Air Force were the bravest of all the U.S. troops. The Army man said: "That's bullshit, everyone knows the Army has the bravest men serving the country. The admiral blurted out that they were both full of shit and that everyone in the country knew that the ...

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General and a razor blade

General of a field army knows that his wife is cheating with one of his slodiers, but doesn't know with whom. One night he puts razor blade into his wife's vagina. The next day he calls out every soldier in his army and commands that everyone lower their pants. Almost every soldiers dick was in smal...

The General's Report

An Army general was in Washington for a meeting and decided to call his base for a report. A young private answered the phone.

"I'd like an inventory report of the base please," stated the general.

The private had not dealt with such a request before and thought it was a fellow private...

There's a Soviet General on the eastern front in Finland...

He goes to see his men to raise their morale; they've been having trouble taking a forest.

From across the forest he hears, "Ha! One Finn is better than ten Russians!"

The general is angered by this so he rounds up the nearest ten soldiers and sends them to find and kill the Finn. He h...

General Tso...Colonel Sanders...

What is it with these high ranking military men making chicken?

UK General Election

In April, May said "June!"

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This general goes to war and loses his left eye

(Translating this joke from Urdu to English. Let's see how it goes)

This general goes to war and loses his left eye so he visits the eye doctor and asks the doctor his options. The doctor tells him that he could put an artificial eye in his left eye socket. The general agrees and after a few ...

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