I don't understand all these jokes about mothers-in-law.

Mine is sweet, supportive, and a great influence on me and my wife. I can't say anything bad about her.

A newlywed farmer and his wife were visited by her mother, who immediately demanded an inspection of the place. While they were walking through the barn, the farmer's mule suddenly reared up and kicked the mother-in-law, unfortunately killing her instantly.

At the funeral service, the farmer stood near the casket and greeted folks as they walked by. The pastor noticed that whenever a woman would whisper something to the farmer, he would nod his head "yes" and say something. Whenever a man walked by and whispered to the farmer, he would shake his head "...

A young Law student, having failed his Law exam, goes up to his crusty old professor, who is renowned for his razor-sharp legal mind.

Student, "Sir, do you really understand everything about this subject?"

Professor, "Actually, I probably do. Otherwise I wouldn't be a professor, would I?"

Student, "OK. So I'd like to ask you a question. If you can give me the correct answer, I will accept my marks as it is. If you ...

A man's in-laws are causing him severe stress....

It's gotten so bad that he's decided to talk to his doctor about the physical pain he's experiencing. The doctor prescribes him some painkillers and sends him on his way.

A few days later, the man comes back complaining that the painkillers aren't working. The doctor ups his dose and sees him...

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Oh, how nice (A joke from my 96 year old great-grandmother-in-law)

Two women are in the hospital. Their labor has started, but not progressed enough for delivery, so they are in a room waiting together.

"Is this your first child?" says the older woman.

"No," says the younger woman. "I have another."

"I have three." Continues the older woman. "A...

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NSFW - A mother was walking down the hall when she heard a humming sound coming from her daughter's bedroom. When she opened the door she found her daughter naked on the bed with a vibrator.

What are you doing?" she exclaimed.

The daughter replied, "I'm 35 and still living at home with my parents and this is the closest I'll ever get to a husband."

Later that week the father was in the kitchen and heard a humming sound coming from the basement.
When he went downstairs...

An older man and a 16 year old girl were alone in a room...

The man had initially agreed to the meeting, but he was having some serious second thoughts. He knew what they were planning to do was illegal, and could land him in some serious trouble.

Man: I don't know, I'm not sure if I should. I mean, your parents would kill me if they found out. I know...

I discovered my mother in law has weekly sessions with Lucifer himself on how to be even more vicious.

I’ve no idea what kind of fees she’s charging him.

My mother-in-law was bitten by a dog yesterday

She's fine. But, the dog died

What law do most mathematicians break?

...They drink and derive.

*Baddum tss*

Thank you, thank you! I'll see myself out.

Newton knew about the laws of motion when he was 33, while we knew them when we were 14.

I guess that makes us smarter than him.

I made a pass at my mother-in-law, and now my wife is furious.

She tripped over the ball and broke her nose.

Thank you for calling the law office of...

Dewey, Chetum, and Hao

Women are the only creatures to defy the laws of gravity.

The heavier they are, the easier they are to pick up.

What’s the difference between outlaws and in-laws ?

Outlaws are wanted.

I live in constant fear that Trump will deport my Latina mother in law

Who lives at 324 3rd st. Los Angeles. She gets off at 6

What color breaks the law?

Violate.

I was walking down the street with my wife. I saw my mother-in-law being beaten by six men.

My wife asked, “Aren’t you going to help?”

I responded, “Six should be enough.”

I grilled some steak for my father-in-law. After taking a bite, he said, “I like mine well done.”

I said, “Thanks. That means a lot.”

What do you call a priest that becomes a lawyer?

A father in law

Dear Mother In Law,

Don't teach me how to bring up my children.

I'm living with one of yours and they need a lot of improvement.

A corrupt politician manages to sneak a number of loopholes in to a new law that gave him ownership of several hotels in Seville and Valencia

Nobody inspects the Spanish inn decision

Murphy's Law states that anything that can happen, will happen. But are you familiar with Cole's Law?

It's finely-shredded raw cabbage with a salad dressing, commonly either vinaigrette or mayonnaise.

George went on a vacation to the Middle East with his family, including his mother-in-law.

During their vacation in Jerusalem, George’s mother-in-law died. With the death certificate in his hand, George went to the American Consulate Office to make arrangements to send the body back to the United States for a proper burial. The Consul told George that to send the body back to the United ...

A man goes on safari with his mother-in-law.

A hunter goes on safari with his wife and his mother-in-law. One morning, the wife wakes up to find her mother gone. In a worried state, she awakens her husband and they both set off to find the old woman.

Suddenly, they break into a clearing and there’s the mother-in-law, standing face-to-fa...

"You don't look a day over fifty!" I told the mother-in-law on her birthday.

Slightly ruined her 38th.

Taking my mother-in-law off her life support was one of the hardest things I’ve done.

I had to fight my wife, two doctors, and a nurse to finally do it.

So I took my mother in law out yesterday morning...

From 1867 yards with a Barrett M82

"Diana!" I said greeting my mother-in-law as she walked through the door...

She said, "My name's Anna."

I said, "Yeah, I know."

Speaking of PET scans, did you guys hear about the new law they passed in Oregon where dogs can no longer operate MRI machines?

Apparently cats can.

Youtube was taken offline by the courts today for their search algorithm was facilitating paedophelia.

Their lawyers appealed the verdict immediately. But they only got an automated answer that told them to reapply in 30 days.

My mother-in-law fell fown a wishing well, I was amazed.

I never knew they worked.

Murphy's Law? No. Mother in law's Choice

Sam, a young man, excitedly tells his mother he's fallen in love and that he is going to get married.  He tells her, 'Ma, I'm going to bring over 3 women and you must try and guess which one I'm going to marry.'

The mother agrees.

The next day, he brings three beautiful women into the ...

The cricketer was proud of his progress as a batsman and invited his mother-in-law along to watch him play, hoping to impress her.

At the crease, he turned to the wicketkeeper and said "I'm anxious to do well and really hit this ball. That's my wife's mother over there." "Don't be silly," said the wicketkeeper. "You'll never hit her at 200 hundred yards."

Today the president signed a bill making it against the law to get up out of a chair.

I tried to sue but the judge said there was no legal standing.

Did you hear about the semi-colon that broke the law?

He was given two consecutive sentences.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

Husband and his wife were celebrating 50 years together. Their three kids, all very successful, agreed to a Sunday dinner in their honor.

“Happy anniversary Mom and Dad,” gushed son number one, a surgeon, “Sorry I'm late. I had an emergency at the hospital with a patient, you know how it is, and didn't have time to get you a gift.”

“Not to worry,” said the father, “the important thing is that we're all together today.”

...

I’m going to start a law firm and only hire nuns...

I’ll call it “Sisters in law.”

My mother-in-law has been abducted in Argentina. When the kidnappers called me, I asked if $10000 would be ok.

They said they didn't have so much money.

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Mother-in-law says to her daughter-in-law "I don't mean to offend you, but my grandson looks nothing like my son".

Daughter-in-law replies, "I've got a fanny between my legs, not a fucking photocopier".

Don't obey public nudity laws

They're a government cover-up conspiracy.

What to do when your mother in law is zigzagging across your backyard?

Shoot again.

My dyslexic brother-in-law eats shellfish for anxiety...

He says it clams him down.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

Having to spend time with your mother in law is sort of like using anal beads

Sometimes it can be surprisingly pleasant, but usually it’s just a pain in the ass

You’ve heard of Murphy’s law right? Anything that can go wrong will go wrong. But have you ever heard of Cole’s law?

It’s thinly sliced cabbage.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

Wife calls her mother in-law and asks her "If your baby puked and pooped, who should it clean it up?" Mother in-law yells "the mother!"

Wife - "Then come clean up your drunk son!"

What do you do when your mother-in-law waddles in the backyard?

Shoot again.

What do you call the religious leader of law enforcement?

the popope.

So when my Mother-in-law died the police came by to asked what happened.

I said, "She ingested some poison." The police said, "then what are all these bruises for?" "Well, she wouldn't take the poison."

​

A woman sent two ties to her son in law.

Some weeks later, she invited him and her daughter over for dinner and in an attempt to impress his mother-in-law, the son-in-law wore one of the ties she’d sent him.

The meal was extremely tense and uncomfortable with the mother-in-law maintaining a stony silence.

Finally she spoke, “...

Cole's Law

Thinly sliced cabbage.

It was extremely difficult to switch off my mother in law’s life support system.

I had to fight the doctor, my wife, and her siblings to finally do it.

Why did adam not have a mother in law?

He lived in paradise.

My mother-in-law can murder any joke.

After the 2000 Presidential elections with the multiple vote recounts in Florida, she came home and told us the funniest joke she had just heard:

Have you seen the new Texas quarter?

<holds out a nickel>

You count it five times!

My mother-in-law frequently yells out a, e, i, o u and sometimes y very nastily.

I asked her why and she says she can't help it. She has irritable vowel syndrome.

My very Catholic sister-in-law asked me....

"When is epiphany this year?"
I said, "I don't know, but I'm sure it will come to me."

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

A woman contacts her brother-in-law last minute to ask him to watch her daughter for the day...

The brother-in-law, Tim, grudgingly agrees. He picks the girl up and takes her down to the shoreline where he works.

"Do you know what I do for a living?"

She nods. "You're a fisherman, right?"

"Well, kind of. See, we get a lot of fish around here, and in order to catch as ma...

Mother in law

A lady had 3 son in laws and she wanted to know who is the sincerest of them so she thought of trying them out one by one.

One day she asked the eldest one to come and help her in some errands. On the way back home she deliberately jumped into a water well and starts to drown. The eldest with...

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Mickey Mouse goes to a law firm.

Lawyer: "I don't understand sir, you want to file for divorce because your wife is silly?"

Mickey: "No, I said she's fucking Goofy!!"

The law is very strange thing...

If the government finds oil in your backyard, it is theirs.

If they find marijuana, it is yours...

One night, two law students are busy studying for an important exam to be held three days later.

However, they are burn out.


One of the boys thinks that studying any further is futile, and that they should drive tomorrow out state; meet his cousin; party like there's no tomorrow; drive back for one more day; and be in time for the exam the day after.


His colleague agree an...

A receptionist at a doctor’s office announces new privacy laws to patients waiting in the common area.

“Starting today, people won’t be called by their name.”

People somehow smile and nod.

“So, the man with hemorrhoids, please come in.”

You get three wishes, but what ever you get you mother in-law gets double.

So you agree to these terms and start, first you wish for $10B, so your mother in-law gets $20B, you say okay and choose a mansion on the beach, she gets two, then for your final wish you think hard, Ah! Perfect, I’d like someone to beat me half to death.

When you transgress the laws of men, you go to jail.

When you transgress the laws of God, you go to hell.

When you transgress the laws of physics, you go to Stockholm to receive a Nobel price.

I bought my mother in law a chair for her 50th birthday ..

...but the wife won't let me plug it in.

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An Italian Funeral

A Jewish man was leaving a convenience store with his espresso when he noticed a most unusual Italian funeral procession approaching the nearby cemetery. A black hearse was followed by a second black hearse about 50 feet behind the first one. Behind the second hearse was a solitary Italian man walki...

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Irony of Indian law system

I have two questions for the lawmakers of our country:

1. If the legal age of a Man to get Sexually active is 18 years and the legal age for him to get married is 21... then what are we actually suggesting he should do these 3 years?

2. Now if the legal age for a Man to get married is ...

Angela Merkel has been German chancellor for 13 years. Not to invoke Godwin's Law, but you know who else was chancellor of Germany for 13 years?

Konrad Adenauer

The bartender says, "Get out! In this bar, we OBEY the law of causality!"

A tachyon walks into a bar...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

Last week I fucked my sister in law

This week I fucked my brother in geography

A teacher at a law school made a bet with a student that the student would pay him money once he wins his first case.

The teacher then immediately sued him for failure to pay.

What do you have when your mother-in-law has concrete up to her neck?

Not enough concrete

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

I read that by law you must turn on your headlights when it’s raining in Sweden.

How the fuck am I supposed to know when it is raining in Sweden?

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

My cannibal mother in law ate my wife, and now..

I got ninety nine problems but a bitch ate one.

Man shoots another man five times but insists to law enforcement that it was an accident...

"How can you shoot someone five times by accident?" The officer asked.

"Well i was aiming for the man beside him but i have a lazy eye" the man said.

The EU just passed a new law and one member signed directly in the center of the document

No one expects the Spanish ink position.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

A law student walks into the bar and orders a beer.

"Um, we dont serve beer".

Slightly miffed, the law student says, "pint of cider then?"

"Yeah, we dont have any cider either".

"Well, you must at least have a glass of fucking wine?" asks the law student, infuriated.

"No sir, we don't. Now please take your seat, the bar...

My law firm specializes in grain futures contracts.

Barley Legal

Took my mother-in-law out last night.

Loving my new sniper rifle.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

What do you call Jude Law with a penis drawn on his chin?

Lewd Jaw

You've heard Moore's law and Boyle's law but have you heard of Cole's law?

It's chopped cabbage. Thanks for the correction

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

I told my mother in law "When war comes, I'll just be eating human flesh as well". "You shitting me?!" She asked.

"Maybe." I replied.

Due to the recent relaxation of laws in Saudi Arabia,

a new chain of fast food restaurants are opening up which are run solely by women.

It's called Burka King.

Two guys are drinking in a bar and one says, "Man, I've really had it with my brother in law."

The 2nd guy asks what happened, and the 1st guy tells him, "He had to go to jail last night and he went nuts. He fought, kicked, screamed, and flung a handful of feces on the wall." The 2nd guy says, "Man he really sounds like a piece of work." The 1st guy says, "Yeah, that's the last time we invite...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

So I recently got engaged, and used to visit my future in-laws' house quite frequently...

My fiance had a step sister, who used to tease me a lot. She used to stared at me across the dining table, used to bend down while wearing a skirt, etc.

A couple of days before the wedding, she called me at the house to help her make the invitation cards. When I arrived, there was no one at t...

I used to think I was the king of being lazy, until I met my brother in law...

I would try to get the title back from him, but honestly I just can't be bothered.

My wife accused me of hating her family and relatives...

I️ said, “No, in fact, I️ like your mother in law a lot better than I️ like mine”

You know about Murphy's law (Anything that can go wrong will)? Well that's a lot different than Cole's law...

...which is chopped cabbage.

Saddam Hussein was found Guilty in a Court of Law

but he was given a suspended sentence

Dad Knowing the Laws...

Dad: Have you heard of Murphy's Law?

Son: Yes, if something can go wrong, it will go wrong.

Dad: Yes! Have you heard of Cole's Law?

Son: Actually, no. What's that?

Dad: Thinly sliced cabbage.

Lovely Mother-in-law

One day, a lady decided to know if the husbands of her three daughters liked her.

The next day she went for a walk with the first one and on the edge of a lake she slides, falls and without knowing how to swim, begins to drown.

The guy, without blinking, jumps into the water and rescue...

There was a new law passed banning anyone from shouting at a cat.

It's considered furball abuse.

My mother in law was getting beaten up by four guys

and my wife shouted "Go Help", to which I replied "four should be enough".

A law joke that isn't a lawyer joke

A man is put on trial for the charge of stealing his neighbor's pig.

After both sides rest, the jury leaves to deliberate, and an hour later it returns.

"Have you reached a verdict?" the judge asks.

"We have, your honor," the foreman says. "We find the defendant not guilty, but ...

There's no such thing as a "new" Law and Order joke.

They've all been done done.

Aldi recently copied Lidl's idea to reduce their prices on courgettes, cucumbers, carrots, celery, celeriac, cabbage and cauliflower, and now they're being fined for breaking piracy laws.

It's because they sale'd the seven Cs.

My mother-in-law once went on holiday with a massive case of diarrhoea.

She only found out when she opened her suitcase.

I caught someone keying my mother-in-law's car.

Just before he got away I managed to stop him.

I said, "Here, try mine, yours are looking a little blunt."

What do you call the law student who graduates last in their class?

"Your Honor"

The principle difference's between Murphy's law and Cole's law

Murphy's law postulates that whatever can go wrong, will go wrong.

Cole's law primarily consists of thinly shredded cabbage, carrot and mayonnaise.

Did you hear about the law court fetishist?

He got off on a technicality.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

I was caught masturbating in the library over the small print of laws and local regulations....

.....I got off on a technicality

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

After my wife died of a heart attack, I didn't want to settle down again right away. I wanted to have some fun first, so I went online to find a young girl with big tits that I could have casual sex with. Needless to say, my in laws weren't impressed...

They thought I should have called an ambulance first...