I came across 6 men beating up my mother in law. My wife asked "aren't you going to help?"

I said no, 6 should be enough.

I don't understand all these jokes about mothers-in-law.

Mine is sweet, supportive, and a great influence on me and my wife. I can't say anything bad about her.

A crow was arrested an put behind bars.

His lawyer, a lawyer bird obviously, visited him.
"How bad is it?" The crow asked.

"Pretty bad." The lawyer bird replied. "They had a warrant to go through your phone."

"So what?" The crow said. "I've got nothing to hide."

"They found the texts to your friends." The lawyer b...

A newlywed farmer and his wife were visited by her mother, who immediately demanded an inspection of the place. While they were walking through the barn, the farmer's mule suddenly reared up and kicked the mother-in-law, unfortunately killing her instantly.

At the funeral service, the farmer stood near the casket and greeted folks as they walked by. The pastor noticed that whenever a woman would whisper something to the farmer, he would nod his head "yes" and say something. Whenever a man walked by and whispered to the farmer, he would shake his head "...

A man stumbles upon a lamp on the beach, rubs it, and a genie comes out.

"I shall grant you three wishes- but keep in mind that anything you wish for, your mother-in-law will get the same, two-fold."

The man thinks. "OK. For my first wish, I'd like to have a villa with an ocean view."

The genie says "OK, but your mother-in-law will have two."

"That's...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

NSFW - A mother was walking down the hall when she heard a humming sound coming from her daughter's bedroom. When she opened the door she found her daughter naked on the bed with a vibrator.

What are you doing?" she exclaimed.

The daughter replied, "I'm 35 and still living at home with my parents and this is the closest I'll ever get to a husband."

Later that week the father was in the kitchen and heard a humming sound coming from the basement.
When he went downstairs...

A young Law student, having failed his Law exam, goes up to his crusty old professor, who is renowned for his razor-sharp legal mind.

Student, "Sir, do you really understand everything about this subject?"

Professor, "Actually, I probably do. Otherwise I wouldn't be a professor, would I?"

Student, "OK. So I'd like to ask you a question. If you can give me the correct answer, I will accept my marks as it is. If you ...

What's difference between in-laws and outlaws?

Outlaws are wanted.

Stop writing hateful things about Alabama and the abortion laws all over social media.

They likely can't read, we will need to tell them in person.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

Some people think the Alabama abortion law is too strict...

On the bright side, it's a great way to encourage men to practice safe sex when they fuck their daughters.

Edit : one word

What happens when a cube breaks the law?

It goes to prism.

What do you call 500 lawyers at the bottom of an ocean?

A good start.

As I was picking up my mother in law from the airport, I asked her,

“So, how long do you think you’ll be staying with us?”

She answered, “Well... for as long as you like.”

“Not even for coffee??”

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

Oh, how nice (A joke from my 96 year old great-grandmother-in-law)

Two women are in the hospital. Their labor has started, but not progressed enough for delivery, so they are in a room waiting together.

"Is this your first child?" says the older woman.

"No," says the younger woman. "I have another."

"I have three." Continues the older woman. "A...

Unpopular opinion: People criticizing Alabama's new abortion laws are ignorant and intolerant

It's a family matter for them, after all.

You’ve heard of Newton’s Law and Murphy’s Law, but do you know what Cole’s Law is?

Thinly sliced cabbage

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

If you don't like the U.K's new upcoming porn laws.

Beat it, kid.

A young law student walks into a bar.

And fails.

Russia passed a new law today

Anyone caught in word play will be severely PUNished

What happened to the semi colon who broke the law?

He got given two consecutive sentences

I keep seeing in the news about lawmakers attempting to pass laws allowing teachers to concealed carry...

Math is hard enough for some students

Now they'll have to worry about Triggernometry as well?!

I live in constant fear that Trump will deport my Latina mother in law

Who lives at 324 3rd st. Los Angeles. She gets off at 6

I discovered my mother in law has weekly sessions with Lucifer himself on how to be even more vicious.

I’ve no idea what kind of fees she’s charging him.

What do you call a psychic dwarf on the run from the law?

A small medium at large.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

A new law is passed in the wild west, which states: “For every Indian scalp one shall receive $10 as a reward.” Two cowboys agree to go bounty hunting the next day.

They set out early in the morning but spend the whole day without any luck. Finally, tired and exhausted, the two cowboys wander upon a lone Indian, obviously lost from his tribe.

Out of desperation they catch him, cut off his scalp, throw it in a bag and leave the body lying there.

Th...

How many believers in Murphy’s law does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

Worst case scenario, I honestly have no clue.

What's the difference between the law of conservation of matter and the law of conservation of energy?

The law of conservation of energy matters less.

Women are the only creatures to defy the laws of gravity.

The heavier they are, the easier they are to pick up.

A rich mother in law has 3 daughters who are married off to 3 men....

She wanted to test whether her sons in law really cared about her or not. So she devised a plan. She invites her first SIL for a run and after reaching a river she purposefully slips into the river's current.
Without any hesitation first SIL jumps into the river and saves her. The very next day h...

My mother-in-law was bitten by a dog yesterday

She's fine. But, the dog died

My father-in-law asked me what I plan on doing over the weekend.

Apparently ”your daughter” isn’t right correct answer.

My mother-in-law came round the other day

Knocked her out again, no problem!

Murphy's Law states that anything that can happen, will happen. But are you familiar with Cole's Law?

It's finely-shredded raw cabbage with a salad dressing, commonly either vinaigrette or mayonnaise.

What do you call a priest that becomes a lawyer?

A father in law

The government was making a law against breaking into people’s homes...

Santa burst through the door and said,

“How am I gonna deliver presents?”

So they made the Santa Clause.

What does a law student and a recovering alcoholic have in common?

They both have to pass the bar.

"I'd like to have a toast" said the father-in-law at his daughters wedding

"Add some jam on it," he continued

Taking my mother-in-law off her life support was one of the hardest things I’ve done.

I had to fight my wife, two doctors, and a nurse to finally do it.

What do the laws of physics and the predsident of Russia have in common?

You can't choose them

What law do most mathematicians break?

...They drink and derive.

*Baddum tss*

Thank you, thank you! I'll see myself out.

"Diana!" I said greeting my mother-in-law as she walked through the door...

She said, "My name's Anna."

I said, "Yeah, I know."

Thank you for calling the law office of...

Dewey, Chetum, and Hao

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

Husband and his wife were celebrating 50 years together. Their three kids, all very successful, agreed to a Sunday dinner in their honor.

“Happy anniversary Mom and Dad,” gushed son number one, a surgeon, “Sorry I'm late. I had an emergency at the hospital with a patient, you know how it is, and didn't have time to get you a gift.”

“Not to worry,” said the father, “the important thing is that we're all together today.”

...

"You don't look a day over fifty!" I told the mother-in-law on her birthday.

Slightly ruined her 38th.

I made a pass at my mother-in-law, and now my wife is furious.

She tripped over the ball and broke her nose.

I grilled some steak for my father-in-law. After taking a bite, he said, “I like mine well done.”

I said, “Thanks. That means a lot.”

I was walking down the street with my wife. I saw my mother-in-law being beaten by six men.

My wife asked, “Aren’t you going to help?”

I responded, “Six should be enough.”

George went on a vacation to the Middle East with his family, including his mother-in-law.

During their vacation in Jerusalem, George’s mother-in-law died. With the death certificate in his hand, George went to the American Consulate Office to make arrangements to send the body back to the United States for a proper burial. The Consul told George that to send the body back to the United ...

A man goes on safari with his mother-in-law.

A hunter goes on safari with his wife and his mother-in-law. One morning, the wife wakes up to find her mother gone. In a worried state, she awakens her husband and they both set off to find the old woman.

Suddenly, they break into a clearing and there’s the mother-in-law, standing face-to-fa...

I’m going to start a law firm and only hire nuns...

I’ll call it “Sisters in law.”

My mother-in-law fell fown a wishing well, I was amazed.

I never knew they worked.

Speaking of PET scans, did you guys hear about the new law they passed in Oregon where dogs can no longer operate MRI machines?

Apparently cats can.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

Mother-in-law says to her daughter-in-law "I don't mean to offend you, but my grandson looks nothing like my son".

Daughter-in-law replies, "I've got a fanny between my legs, not a fucking photocopier".

Don't obey public nudity laws

They're a government cover-up conspiracy.

Youtube was taken offline by the courts today for their search algorithm was facilitating paedophelia.

Their lawyers appealed the verdict immediately. But they only got an automated answer that told them to reapply in 30 days.

A corrupt politician manages to sneak a number of loopholes in to a new law that gave him ownership of several hotels in Seville and Valencia

Nobody inspects the Spanish inn decision

Dear Mother In Law,

Don't teach me how to bring up my children.

I'm living with one of yours and they need a lot of improvement.

Mother in law

A lady had 3 son in laws and she wanted to know who is the sincerest of them so she thought of trying them out one by one.

One day she asked the eldest one to come and help her in some errands. On the way back home she deliberately jumped into a water well and starts to drown. The eldest with...

Murphy's Law? No. Mother in law's Choice

Sam, a young man, excitedly tells his mother he's fallen in love and that he is going to get married.  He tells her, 'Ma, I'm going to bring over 3 women and you must try and guess which one I'm going to marry.'

The mother agrees.

The next day, he brings three beautiful women into the ...

What to do when your mother in law is zigzagging across your backyard?

Shoot again.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

Wife calls her mother in-law and asks her "If your baby puked and pooped, who should it clean it up?" Mother in-law yells "the mother!"

Wife - "Then come clean up your drunk son!"

A woman sent two ties to her son in law.

Some weeks later, she invited him and her daughter over for dinner and in an attempt to impress his mother-in-law, the son-in-law wore one of the ties she’d sent him.

The meal was extremely tense and uncomfortable with the mother-in-law maintaining a stony silence.

Finally she spoke, “...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

A woman contacts her brother-in-law last minute to ask him to watch her daughter for the day...

The brother-in-law, Tim, grudgingly agrees. He picks the girl up and takes her down to the shoreline where he works.

"Do you know what I do for a living?"

She nods. "You're a fisherman, right?"

"Well, kind of. See, we get a lot of fish around here, and in order to catch as ma...

My mother-in-law has been abducted in Argentina. When the kidnappers called me, I asked if $10000 would be ok.

They said they didn't have so much money.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

Having to spend time with your mother in law is sort of like using anal beads

Sometimes it can be surprisingly pleasant, but usually it’s just a pain in the ass

The cricketer was proud of his progress as a batsman and invited his mother-in-law along to watch him play, hoping to impress her.

At the crease, he turned to the wicketkeeper and said "I'm anxious to do well and really hit this ball. That's my wife's mother over there." "Don't be silly," said the wicketkeeper. "You'll never hit her at 200 hundred yards."

Today the president signed a bill making it against the law to get up out of a chair.

I tried to sue but the judge said there was no legal standing.

Why did adam not have a mother in law?

He lived in paradise.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

Last week I fucked my sister in law

This week I fucked my brother in geography

My dyslexic brother-in-law eats shellfish for anxiety...

He says it clams him down.

The law is very strange thing...

If the government finds oil in your backyard, it is theirs.

If they find marijuana, it is yours...

So when my Mother-in-law died the police came by to asked what happened.

I said, "She ingested some poison." The police said, "then what are all these bruises for?" "Well, she wouldn't take the poison."

​

What do you call the religious leader of law enforcement?

the popope.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

An Italian Funeral

A Jewish man was leaving a convenience store with his espresso when he noticed a most unusual Italian funeral procession approaching the nearby cemetery. A black hearse was followed by a second black hearse about 50 feet behind the first one. Behind the second hearse was a solitary Italian man walki...

My mother-in-law frequently yells out a, e, i, o u and sometimes y very nastily.

I asked her why and she says she can't help it. She has irritable vowel syndrome.

It was extremely difficult to switch off my mother in law’s life support system.

I had to fight the doctor, my wife, and her siblings to finally do it.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

Mickey Mouse goes to a law firm.

Lawyer: "I don't understand sir, you want to file for divorce because your wife is silly?"

Mickey: "No, I said she's fucking Goofy!!"

What kind of underwear do law students wear?

Legal briefs!

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

Irony of Indian law system

I have two questions for the lawmakers of our country:

1. If the legal age of a Man to get Sexually active is 18 years and the legal age for him to get married is 21... then what are we actually suggesting he should do these 3 years?

2. Now if the legal age for a Man to get married is ...

My very Catholic sister-in-law asked me....

"When is epiphany this year?"
I said, "I don't know, but I'm sure it will come to me."

My mother-in-law can murder any joke.

After the 2000 Presidential elections with the multiple vote recounts in Florida, she came home and told us the funniest joke she had just heard:

Have you seen the new Texas quarter?

<holds out a nickel>

You count it five times!

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

I read that by law you must turn on your headlights when it’s raining in Sweden.

How the fuck am I supposed to know when it is raining in Sweden?

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

A law student walks into the bar and orders a beer.

"Um, we dont serve beer".

Slightly miffed, the law student says, "pint of cider then?"

"Yeah, we dont have any cider either".

"Well, you must at least have a glass of fucking wine?" asks the law student, infuriated.

"No sir, we don't. Now please take your seat, the bar...

One night, two law students are busy studying for an important exam to be held three days later.

However, they are burn out.


One of the boys thinks that studying any further is futile, and that they should drive tomorrow out state; meet his cousin; party like there's no tomorrow; drive back for one more day; and be in time for the exam the day after.


His colleague agree an...

I bought my mother in law a chair for her 50th birthday ..

...but the wife won't let me plug it in.

A receptionist at a doctor’s office announces new privacy laws to patients waiting in the common area.

“Starting today, people won’t be called by their name.”

People somehow smile and nod.

“So, the man with hemorrhoids, please come in.”

You get three wishes, but what ever you get you mother in-law gets double.

So you agree to these terms and start, first you wish for $10B, so your mother in-law gets $20B, you say okay and choose a mansion on the beach, she gets two, then for your final wish you think hard, Ah! Perfect, I’d like someone to beat me half to death.