UPJOKE
jurisprudenceconstitutionstatecanon lawcivil lawcommon lawstatutenatural lawrulelegislationlawyerpolicepractice of lawpublic lawcase law

Law Jokes

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A Harvard Law graduate starts first day on the job

The president of the firm says, “If you marry my daughter, I’ll make you a partner, give you an unlimited expense account, a new Mercedes, and a million dollar annual salary, in addition to your fees from the cases you take on.”

The guy says, “I don’t get it. Is something wrong with her?" The...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

When I was in law school, I was rejected by all fraternities because I was circumcised.

Apparently you need to be a complete dick.

Everyone’s heard of Cunningham’s Law - “Anything that can go wrong, will go wrong”. But have you heard of Cole’s Law?

It’s thinly slice cabbage and mayo.
upvote downvote report

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Just read that by law you have to turn your headlights on when it’s raining in Sweden

How the fuck am I meant to know when it’s raining in Sweden?

A man and his wife and his mother in law went on vacation to the Holy Land...

While they were there, the mother in law passed away.

The undertaker told them you can have her shipped home for $5000 or you can bury her here in the Holy Land for $150.00.

The man thought about it, told him he'd just have her shipped home. The undertaker asked why would you spend $50...
upvote downvote report

A man has his mother-in-law move in with him when she lost her job.

About a week later, he returns home from his job and finds her laying on the floor, unconscious. He calls 911, the ambulance comes and takes her off to the hospital.

He calls his wife and tells her she may have to cut her business trip short, but he'll keep her posted.

He gets to the ...
upvote downvote report

Murphy's Law states that anything that can happen, will happen. But are you familiar with Cole's Law?

It's finely-shredded raw cabbage with a salad dressing, commonly either vinaigrette or mayonnaise.
upvote downvote report

Marijuana is legal and haircuts are against the law.

It took half a century but Hippies finally won.
upvote downvote report

I don't understand all these jokes about mothers-in-law.

Mine is sweet, supportive, and a great influence on me and my wife. I can't say anything bad about her.
upvote downvote report

What is the difference between in-laws and outlaws?

Outlaws are wanted!
upvote downvote report

I live in constant fear that Trump will deport my Latina mother in law

Who lives at 324 3rd st. Los Angeles. She gets off at 6
upvote downvote report

A new law

Two guys walk into a bar and order lunch. "What brings you guys in today?" the bartender asks. "I guess you haven't heard yet. The mayor passed a law yesterday to try to help out local restaurants during Covid-19. All adult males are required to go and eat lunch out with their best male friends at l...
upvote downvote report

What happened when the semicolon broke grammar laws?

It was given two consecutive sentences.
upvote downvote report

You know Murphy's Law. It's "If something can go wrong, it will", but do you know Cole's law? It's...

shredded cabbage, mayonnaise, maybe some carrot.
upvote downvote report

My mother-in-law is visiting. I'm not saying she's fat, but...

when we hung her panties out to dry, we lost an hour of daylight.
upvote downvote report

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

After three hours at my mother-in-law's funeral, I had to relieve myself.

So I walked up to the coffin and screamed, "Why were you such a bitch!?"

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Oh, how nice (A joke from my 96 year old great-grandmother-in-law)

Two women are in the hospital. Their labor has started, but not progressed enough for delivery, so they are in a room waiting together.

"Is this your first child?" says the older woman.

"No," says the younger woman. "I have another."

"I have three." Continues the older woman. "A...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

The Worst Mother In Law Ever

My husband and I were dressed and ready to go out for a lovely evening of dinner and theatre. Having been burgled in the past, we turned on a 'night light' and the answering machine, then put the cat in the backyard.

When our cab arrived, we walked out our front door and our rather tubby cat ...

A receptionist at a law office picks up the phone.

"Can I speak to Mr. Green please?" A little voice at the other end asks.

"Oh, I'm sorry," the receptionist says, "Mr. Green died last week."

"Thank you." The little voice then hangs up.

The next day, the phone rings again. The same little voice asks, "May I speak to Mr. Green, p...
upvote downvote report

Women are the only creatures to defy the laws of gravity.

The heavier they are, the easier they are to pick up.
upvote downvote report

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Was having dinner with the in laws and the MIL said ….

….’How many potatoes would you like?’

I said ‘Ooh, I’ll just have one please.’

She said ‘It’s OK, you don’t have to be polite.’ ‘Alright,’ I said, ‘I’ll just have one then, you stupid cunt”

I came across 6 men beating up my mother in law. My wife asked "aren't you going to help?"

I said no, 6 should be enough.
upvote downvote report

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A law student walks into the bar and orders a beer.

"Um, we dont serve beer".

Slightly miffed, the law student says, "pint of cider then?"

"Yeah, we dont have any cider either".

"Well, you must at least have a glass of fucking wine?" asks the law student, infuriated.

"No sir, we don't. Now please take your seat, the bar...

My alcoholism is really screwing up my law career.

Every time I try to pass the bar...

I just go in.
upvote downvote report

Cole's Law

"Have you heard of Murphy's law?"

"Yeah."

"What is it?"

"If something can go wrong, it will go wrong."

"Right. Have you heard of Cole's Law?"

"No, what is it?"

"Thinly sliced cabbage."

(I remember hearing this from my dad, and to this day it makes...
upvote downvote report

A newlywed farmer and his wife were visited by her mother, who immediately demanded an inspection of the place. While they were walking through the barn, the farmer's mule suddenly reared up and kicked the mother-in-law, unfortunately killing her instantly.

At the funeral service, the farmer stood near the casket and greeted folks as they walked by. The pastor noticed that whenever a woman would whisper something to the farmer, he would nod his head "yes" and say something. Whenever a man walked by and whispered to the farmer, he would shake his head "...
upvote downvote report

A mother-in-law stopped by unexpectedly to a recently married couple's house...

She knocks on the door, then immediately walks in. She is shocked to see her daughter-in-law laying on the couch completely naked.
"What are you doing?" She asked.

"I'm waiting for Jeff to come home from work," the daughter-in-law answered.

"But you're naked!" the mother-in-law ex...
upvote downvote report

TIL Calaway's Law states that "the best way to get the right answer on the Internet is not to ask a question, it's to post the wrong answer."

Now we wait.
upvote downvote report

Taking my mother-in-law off her life support was one of the hardest things I’ve done.

I had to fight my wife, two doctors, and a nurse to finally do it.
upvote downvote report

"Diana!" I said greeting my mother-in-law as she walked through the door...

She said, "My name's Anna."

I said, "Yeah, I know."
upvote downvote report

A mother-in-law doesn't trust her sons-in-law...

...so she decides to test them.

First, she goes to the oldest's house. She jumps into a well, but her son-in-law rescues her promptly. The next morning, the oldest son-in-law finds a brand new Suzuki in front of his house with a little note: "Lots of love, your mother-in-law".

The next...
upvote downvote report

A crow was caught recently breaking quarantine laws.

They charged him with attempted murder.
upvote downvote report

What happens to rainbows that break the law?

They go through the prism system
upvote downvote report

Trump kept talking about restoring "law and order."

I don't know about you, but I'd rather vote for a candidate who wants to restore Firefly.
upvote downvote report

A man went to the hospital to visit his mother-in-law, who was in serious condition. On the way back the wife, very worried, asks: "So, honey? How's my mom doing?"

He replies: "She looks great! She is in good health! She will still live for many years! Next week she will be released from the hospital and will come and live with us, forever!"
"Wow that's amazing!" - says the wife - "But this is very strange, dear... yesterday she seemed to be on her deathb...
upvote downvote report

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A mother in law said

to her son's wife when their baby was born: "I don't mean to be rude but he doesn't look anything like my son." The daughter-in-law lifted her skirt and said: "I don't mean to be rude either, but this is a pussy, not a fucking photocopier."

A man finds a genie lamp, rubs it and poof a Genie appears.

Genie: I have the power to grant you 3 wishes but keep in mind, whatever you wish, your mother-in-law will receive two-fold…

Man: Ok. My first wish is for 1 billion dollars.

Genie: Your wish is granted, but keep in mind that your mother-in-law will receive 2 billion dollars.

Ma...
upvote downvote report

Did you hear the Supreme Court just struck down a law declaring ketchup to be the best condiment?

They say it doesn’t pass mustard.
upvote downvote report

What do you do if you miss your mother in-law?

You reload and try again!!
upvote downvote report

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Visit to the in-laws

So Barry is visiting his in-laws after a night spent drinking heavily. In his hungover state he is desperate to do a fart, and tries to edge one out carefully, but loses control and it makes a loud trumpeting sound.


And the host yells at their dog "Get out of it Spot, get out from u...

A woman stopped by, unannounced, at her son's house. She knocked on the door then immediately walked in.

She was shocked to see her daughter-in-law lying on the couch, totally naked. Soft music was playing, and the aroma of perfume filled the room.
"What are you doing?!" she asked.


"I'm waiting for Mike to come home from work," the daughter-in- law answered.


"But you're naked!"...
upvote downvote report

A 55 year old lady suddenly started learning to swim instead of her usual routine of going to a temple !!!!

Everyone was curious and asked her: "why the change in your interest to swimming now a days?"

The lady, with a look of helplessness replied: "Whenever my son and daughter-in-law quarrel with each other my Daughter-in-law always asks my son : - "If your mom and I fall into water, whom will y...
upvote downvote report

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Anagram of "mother in law"

Woman Hitler

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A man goes to a priest to confess.

“Forgive me father, for I have sinned" says the man.

“What did you sin, my son?" the priest asks him.

“Well, my wife and I went to my sister-in-law’s for dinner, we had dinner, then as soon as we were going to go home, the weather, father, it was getting cloudy and it looked like it ...

Why Did the mother in law cross the road?

She thought it was a boundary.
upvote downvote report

Some laws that we didn't learn at school

01. *LORENZ'S LAW OF MECHANICAL REPAIR*

Once your hands become coated with grease, your nose will begin to itch.

02. *ANTHONY'S LAW OF THE WORKSHOP*

Any tool, when dropped, will roll to the least accessible corner.

03. *KOVAC'S CONUNDRUM*

When u dial a wrong numbe...
upvote downvote report

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Last week I fucked my sister in law

This week I fucked my brother in geography

My mother-in-law has a massive case of diarrhea.

She won't find out until she unpacks her luggage.
upvote downvote report

I’m sure we all know Cunningham’s Law:

It’s that pigs are more clever than we give them credit for
upvote downvote report

I took my mother in law out today

I love being a sniper
upvote downvote report

An old lady decides to check on his 3 son-in-laws

She wanted to see who respects/cares for her the most. She goes to the lake near the eldest son-in-laws place and jumps. The son-in-law dives in and rescues her. Next day, he sees a toyota corolla parked in front of his house with a letter -- Thanks from your Mother-in-law.


Then she goes ...
upvote downvote report

Arthur is 75 years old. He’s played golf every day since his retirement 15 years ago. One day he arrives home looking downcast. “That’s it,” he tells his wife. “I’m giving up golf. My eyesight has become so bad that once I hit the ball I couldn’t see where it went.”

His wife sympathises and makes him a cup of tea. As they sit down she says, “Why don’t you take my brother with you and give it one more try.”

“That’s no good,” sighs Arthur, “your brother is 85. He can’t help.”

“He may be 85,” says the wife, “but his eyesight is perfect.”

So th...
upvote downvote report

Your father in law is so bad at chess...

he traded a queen for a horse.
upvote downvote report

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

There's some beautiful flowers growing on my mother-in-law's grave.

Hardly surprising though, I've been going up twice a week to shit on it.

psychologist girl and law boy

\> A guy asked a girl in a university library: "Do you mind if I sit beside you?”

\> The girl replied with a loud voice: "I DON'T WANT TO SPEND THE NIGHT WITH YOU!"

\> All the students in the library started staring at the guy; he was truly embarrassed.

\> After a co...
upvote downvote report

Laws of physics vs the law

Heisenberg, Shrodinger and Ohm were driving down a highway when they get pulled over by a cop. The cop asks Heisenberg if he knew how fast he was going, as you can surmise, he claimed he didn't know because he knew exactly where they were. The cop, finding this suspicious asks them to open the t...
upvote downvote report

What do law enforcement personnel sing during Christmas?

Police navidad
upvote downvote report

I used to always follow the law

I stopped because they kept pulling me over
upvote downvote report

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A man walks into a church

and goes in the confessional. The priest follows him.

“Forgive me father, for I have sinned. I have committed adultery.” he says.

“Dear heavens my child. I must ask, what happened? ” the priest answers.

“You see father, last week my wife and I went to my sister-in-law’s house fo...

A creationist told me that evolution must be wrong because it violates the second law of thermodynamics

His claim was that in order for simple organisms like bacteria to evolve into much more complex life like fish and mice and horses and gorillas and people, an enormous input of energy would be required, therefore it must be impossible.

I stayed up all night trying to think of something that w...
upvote downvote report

I'm so tired of hearing Law and Order jokes.

They've all been done done.
upvote downvote report

Murphy's Laws of Computing.

1. When computing, whatever happens, behave as though you meant it to happen.

2. When you get to the point when you really understand your computer, it's probably obselete.

3. The first place to look for information, is in the section of the manual where you least expect to find it....
upvote downvote report

What’s the difference between a good lawyer and a great lawyer?

A good lawyer knows the law. A great lawyer knows the judge.
upvote downvote report

Mother-in-law

Oh, I didn’t expect you at work today Mr. Brundy, isn’t it your mother-in-law’s funeral today?”

“Well you know how it is.Work first, then fun.”
upvote downvote report

A policeman runs over to a hit-and-run victim, who says “My mother-in-law just tried to run me over!”

The cop says, “That car hit you from behind. How do you know it was your mother-in-law?” The victims says, “I recognize the laugh.”
upvote downvote report

What do you call a priest that becomes a lawyer?

A father in law
upvote downvote report

I just buried my mother-in-law.

John: You're late, where have you been?

Fred: I just buried my mother-in-law.

John: What's with all the cuts and bruises?

Fred: Well, she put up a really good fight.
upvote downvote report

Do you know the difference between in-laws and outlaws?

At least the outlaws are wanted by someone.


Credit: My father.
upvote downvote report

Mother-in-law

I was walking with my wife and when we turned the corner we saw three guys kicking and punching my mother-in-law. My wife shouted "Quick! Help!". I said, "Nah, I think three is enough."
upvote downvote report

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Wife calls her mother in-law and asks her "If your baby puked and pooped, who should it clean it up?" Mother in-law yells "the mother!"

Wife - "Then come clean up your drunk son!"

Brother in law joke

Where did my brother in law spend his honeymoon?

In diana
upvote downvote report

A man goes on safari with his wife and mother-in-law. Whilst stretching their legs outside the jeep a lion jumps out of the bushes and corners the mother-in-law

The man's wife screams at her husband 'Please! can't you do anything to help!'

The man replies 'The lion got itself into this mess, it can get itself out'
upvote downvote report

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I bet Ted Cruz has two twitter accounts now. one for porn, and one to talk about the laws he's passing...

Either way a woman's getting fucked

A man and his wife went on vacation to Israel, his mother-in-law decided to go, too.

One night on the trip, the mother-in-law died of a heart attack. The couple visited a local undertaker who said that it would cost $1500 to take the woman's body back to the US.

"However," said the undertaker, "We could have the funeral and bury her here in the Holy Land for only $150."
...
upvote downvote report

A big-game hunter went on safari with his wife and mother-in-law.

While they were still deep in the jungle, the wife awoke one evening to find her mother gone. Rushing to her husband, she insisted that they both try to find her mother. The hunter picked up his rifle and started to look for her. In a clearing not far from the camp. they came upon a chilling sight: ...
upvote downvote report

A man opens the door for his moother-in-law

And declares, "Oh, long time, no see! This is a surprise. How long will you be staying with us, this time, then?"

The mother-in-law, trying to be polite, jokinly replies with a big grin, "Until you get sick of me."

"Oh, really? You won't even stay for a cup of coffee?"
upvote downvote report

What are law enforcement officers called in Vatican City?

The Pope Po
upvote downvote report

The pressure of a gas is inversely proportional to its volume—Boyle’s Law.

Any leftover cabbage must be shredded and mixed with mayonnaise.

—-Cole’s Law.
upvote downvote report

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Did you know? If you rearrange the letters of Mother-in-Law, you get Woman Hitler

I guess she doesn't like other family members sorting her mail.

The laws to get to heaven are new!

They changed the rules to get into heaven and get passed Saint Peter and the pearly gates; you just need to have died in an interesting way.

So three men show up before Peter. Peter asks the first man how did you die?

Man says "well you see i live on the 22nd floor of a high rise apart...
upvote downvote report

A lady went into the pharmacy, right up to the pharmacist, looked straight into his eyes, and said

"I would like to buy some cyanide."

The pharmacist asked, "Why in the world do you need cyanide?"

The lady : "I need it to poison my husband."

The pharmacists eyes got big and he exclaimed : "Lord have mercy! I can't give you cyanide to kill your husband! That's against the law!...
upvote downvote report

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

My wife’s sister visited us yesterday in her brand new Porsche.

Astonished, my wife asked her “How could you afford this?!”

“You know, a blow job every now and again makes my husband very generous,” she replied.

Surprised, my wife turned to me and winked, “I think I’ll start doing that.”

“Me too,” I replied, turning to my sister in law. “Wha...

What is the legal loop hole in breaking and entering laws?

The Santa Clause
upvote downvote report

A world wide law for sailors

A new world wide law is issued for all the sailors in the world: they need to go and get all the children they conceived outside their marriage.

Stan, a sailor from San Francisco, came out to his wife and told her that besides the three children they had together, he has three more around the...
upvote downvote report

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Older joke told by my father in-law

One day Cinderella is down and her fairy godmother appears. Noticing she is not happy, she turns to her and says she would cast a spell so she could have a night out on the town, but she must be back by midnight or her pussy would turn into a pumpkin. So time goes by and midnight comes and goes and ...

There is a law that says you don't have to wear a mask

It's called Natural Selection
upvote downvote report

I heard about the ideal gas law in physics class PV=nRT…

and I heard non-ideal gas law in a crowded elevator PU=faRT
upvote downvote report

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A lucky husband

A lucky guy married a girl who ended up being a virgin. He was so excited, he went to his father in law and told him, "thank you for raising such an amazing girl for me to marry."

The wife's father replied with, "Don't thank me, thank her mother."

So, he goes to his mother in law and...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Murphy’s law is about bad luck, Godwin’s law is about Hitler, and ColesLaw is...

Finely sliced cabbage, with a vinegar or mayonnaise based dressing

My sister-in-law said her friend was studying abroad...

My brother quickly replied, "what's her name?"
upvote downvote report

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

How about instead of law and order there’s a show called law and hors d’oeuvres

and Ice-T says “we found deviled eggs and jalapeno poppers in the victim’s anal cavity”

The Law of The Forest

A hunter goes into the woods to go hunting. Suddenly, he hears a bear growling. He then spots it not too far away. He aims his gun at it, shoots, and misses. The bear turns toward the sound of the gunshot, annoyed.

"Mister," said the bear. "Why are you trying to shoot me when I'm out here min...
upvote downvote report

My mother in law came for a visit so I asked her - How long do you plan to stay?

Just until I start getting on your nerves, she replied.

Oh, so you won't even stay for a coffee?
upvote downvote report

I‘ve been practicing law for over ten years

I think i‘m ready for my first case now
upvote downvote report

My Father-In-Law ,who is turning 90, told me this joke. I couldn't believe it.

A girl was picking fruit in an orchard. The fruit she wanted was so high up she need to climb a ladder to get it. Because the ladder was not steady she asked a man if he would be a gentleman and brace the ladder while she climbed it, and he agreed. When she made it to the top she looked down and ...
upvote downvote report

A man gets married and his mother-in-law moves in

One day, the husband comes home and finds the mother-in-law passed out on the floor with an empty jar of pills near her. He rushes her to the hospital. After a few hours of anxiously waiting, the doctor returns with her results.

“Alright, I have some good news and I’ve got some bad news”, sa...
upvote downvote report

As I was picking up my mother in law from the airport, I asked her,

“So, how long do you think you’ll be staying with us?”

She answered, “Well... for as long as you like.”

“Not even for coffee??”
upvote downvote report

"Where's your mother in law?"

- "She's in the garden."

- "Where? I can't see her."

- "You have to dig a little."
upvote downvote report

My mother-in-law fell down a wishing well.

I was amazed - I never thought they actually worked.
upvote downvote report

I stood up to begin my mother-in-law's eulogy.

"I'd like to thank everyone for being here today," I said, "especially the person in the coffin."
upvote downvote report

My father-in-law's favourite joke.

You can kiss a Nun but don't get into the habit.
upvote downvote report

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A woman contacts her brother-in-law last minute to ask him to watch her daughter for the day...

The brother-in-law, Tim, grudgingly agrees. He picks the girl up and takes her down to the shoreline where he works.

"Do you know what I do for a living?"

She nods. "You're a fisherman, right?"

"Well, kind of. See, we get a lot of fish around here, and in order to catch as ma...

You've heard Moore's law and Boyle's law but have you heard of Cole's law?

It's chopped cabbage. Thanks for the correction
upvote downvote report

What award goes to the eunuch who creates law and order among all the other eunuchs?

The no ball peace prize.
upvote downvote report

Moore’s law states that the density of transistors doubles every two years.

This is usually done by making them smaller.

Therefore, less is Moore’s
upvote downvote report

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A lawyer is walking down the stairs of his law firm.

This guy is dressed in an expensive suit, he's wearing shoes made from an extinct reptile and orphan tears, and He's walking to his brand new Lamborghini. Just as he opens the driver side door a truck comes speeding through and tears the door from its hinges. The lawyer visibly shocked and pissed ye...

My mother-in-law was in tears.

"Honey," she said to me, "listen, *please*! Look...Before I commit suicide, there's one thing I want to do. I want to take your dog for a walk."

And no matter how much I tried to talk her out of it, she insisted on walking the dog first.
upvote downvote report

What's the pirates law for equitable retribution?

An Aye for an Aye
upvote downvote report

Traffic laws:

Britain: Drive on the left side

Europe and America: Drive on the right side

India: Lmao what's a "traffic law"?
upvote downvote report

My Daughter In Law

She’s a manager at a post office. I threw her a party for getting promoted in a mail dominated industry.
upvote downvote report

Newton's third law of Emotion.

For every male action, there is a female overreaction.
upvote downvote report

While watching TV with his wife, a man tosses peanuts into the air and catches them in his mouth. Just as he throws another peanut into the air, the front door opens, causing him to turn his head. The peanut falls into his ear and gets stuck.

His daughter comes in with her date.
The man explains the situation, and the daughter's date says, "I can get the peanut out."
He tells the father to sit down, shoves two fingers into the father's nose, and tells him to blow hard.
The father blows, and the peanut flies out of his ear.
Af...
upvote downvote report

What’s the difference between a bowling ball & my mother-in-law?

The bowling ball doesn’t have a beard.
upvote downvote report

My mother in law came down from the North of England to visit for Christmas...

...I told her "You should think about moving further South"

She was very touched until she realised I meant Antarctica
upvote downvote report

Years ago, my Mother-in-law began reading, "The Exorcist". She said it was the most evil book she ever read. So evil in fact, she couldn't finish it, took it to the ocean and threw it off the pier.

I went out, but another copy, ran it under the faucet, and left it beside her bed.
upvote downvote report

A local law enforcement officer stops a car

for traveling faster than the speed limit. Since he was in a good mood that day, he decides to give the poor guy a break and give him a warning instead of a ticket. So, he asks the man his name.

“Fred,” he replies.

“Fred what?” the officer asks.

“Just Fred,” the man responds....
upvote downvote report

My mother-in-law just asked for "bath stuff" for her birthday

She seemed unimpressed with the toaster I bought her
upvote downvote report

My mother-in-law just called and said that she suspects smelling gas, asking what she should do.

I told her: you’re such a wonderful and religious person, you should light a candle and pray.
upvote downvote report

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

If masturbation were illegal...

...a lot of men would be taking the law into their own hands.

-Have you heard of Murphy's Law

\-Yes, anything can go wrong will go wrong

\-What's about Cole's law?

\-No

\-It's a thin-slice cabbage dripped in mayonnaise and sour cream
upvote downvote report

Three sisters get married, each to another man

The men's now mother in-law decides to test all of them.

She decides to take each of them on a walk separately.

The mother in-law takes the first guy on a walk. She "accidentally" falls into a deep pond. The man doesn't hesitate, he jumps in and saves her. The next day, the man gets a...
upvote downvote report

In law school...

Professor: What is fraud?

Student: If you don't let me pass the exam, you've committed fraud.

Professor: (surprised) how so?

Student: According to the law, those who take advantage of others' ignorance to cause them losses are committing fraud.
upvote downvote report

According to all the laws of aviation, it should be impossible for a bee to fly.

This is because no bee has filed a permit with the FAA.
upvote downvote report

Then Ok!

Dad: "I want you to marry a girl of my choice."

Son: "No."

Dad: "The girl is Bill Gate's daughter."

Son: "Then Ok!" \*\*

\*\* Dad goes to Bill Gates. \*\*

Dad: "I want your daughter to marry my son."

Bill Gates: "No."

Dad: "My son is the CEO of...
upvote downvote report

A lawyer calls up a plumber to come out to his house...

The plumber takes a look and says, OK, I can fix it today, and it will be $800.

The lawyer raises an eyebrow and asks, how long will it take? The plumber responds, "well, I need about an hour round trip to the supply house for a part, and then it should take me about an hour for the repair"<...
upvote downvote report

If your mother-in-law and a lawyer were drowning and you had to choose...

would you go to lunch or a movie?
upvote downvote report

As they loaded my mother-in-law into the ambulance...

...I reached into my wallet and pulled out all the cash I had. Taking the arm of the paramedic, I offered him the money.

"I know it's not much", I said (it was £80), "but please, if you can, see what you can do"

He looked into my tear soaked eyes, the blue lights from the ambulance mak...
upvote downvote report

A guys mother in law comes to live with him

One day he comes home to find her passed out on the floor. He calls 911, the paramedics come and pick her up and take her to the hospital.

The guy goes to the hospital and is in the waiting room when the doctor comes out.

The doctor says, “Well, I have some good news and some bad new...
upvote downvote report

Girls fart too

A young man introduces his fiancee to his parents. While they were having dinner the girl gently farts. Annoyed by the funny smell the father in law yells:

-Rocky!!

The girl is relieved that the future in-law blamed the dog from under her chair but after a few minutes she lets one more...
upvote downvote report

My father in law told me

When he was a kid they were so poor, his dad would cut holes in their pockets so they'd have something to play with.
upvote downvote report

What do you call a monkey that breaks the law?

A Crimeate
upvote downvote report

Attorney at law

Saying you're an attorney at law is like saying you're a software developer at programming or that you're a policeman at racism
upvote downvote report

Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.

Do Not Sell My Personal Information