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Justice Jokes

The US Supreme Court has changed dramatically since Justice Ginsberg passed away.

It has become Ruth less.

Why do social justice warriors hate dentists?

Because they make teeth straight and white.

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Justice is best served cold.

Because if it were served warm, it would be justwater.

I don't get why there are so many social justice warriors

Why don't people want to play as social justice mages or social justice rangers?

Six Supreme Court justices, floating face-down in a river

All 6 conservative members of the SCOTUS got stranded in the woods with only a giant suitcase and a couple of paddles. Then they came to a raging river- it was fast-moving, wide and rocky but only waist deep. They began to bicker over how to get across. Kavanaugh, Thomas, and Gorsuch said "We are st...

The year is 2020 and the United States has just elected the first woman, from Alabama , as president.

The year is 2020 and the United States has just elected the first woman, from Alabama , as president.

A few days after the election the president-elect calls her father and says,

'So, Daddy, I assume you will be coming to my inauguration?'

'I don't think so. It's a 16 hour driv...

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Scale of Justice

For three years, the young attorney had been taking his brief vacations at this country inn. The last time he'd finally managed an affair with the innkeeper's daughter. Looking forward to an exciting few days, he dragged his suitcase up the stairs of the inn, then stopped short. There sat his lover ...

It's appropriate that Cyborg from the Justice League is black,

Considering that he's only 3/5 of a person.

What's another name for rural class justice?

Lawn enforcement

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A Marine returns from duty in Iraq and is immediately reassigned to a remote location in Afghanistan

That evening he arrives at his new post; a run down mosque in the middle of nowhere.

As he switches over with the marine currently stationed there, he realises there is no bed, no clean water, no toilet, just him, his weapon and the dirt on the floor.

The next morning he wakes up to fi...

Criminal justice in the dog world is harsh.

All you need to do is litter once and the next thing you know you’re getting fixed.

A Man and a Gorilla Walk into a Bar

A man and a gorilla walk into a bar.

The bartender asks, "What will it be?"

The man replies, "Beer for me, and ice for my friend here"

"Ice?" the bartender asks.

"Yes." He replied. "Justice for Harambe."

What time does a social justice warrior get up in the morning?

It's hard to say, she's already woke.

US Supreme Court Justice Ginsburg died.

Clearly now people will see the court as completely Ruth-less.

Justice

The word of the day is "just."

"Just" is a fun word, because it can mean both "absolutely" and "barely."

Examples:

That's just fantastic.
-and-
That's just enough.

"Just" may also be used to regard something as fair or deserved.

The judgement was just.
-an...

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Wonderwoman was sunbathing naked on top of the justice league tower...

Superman was flying over and he had the idea that "hey I'm quick as lightning, I could go down there and have sex with her really quick then be out of there in a second." So he flies down, gets the job done and flies off. Wonderwoman jumps up and goes "what the hell was that?" Invisible man replies ...

Flat is Justice.

TIL what A-cup bras are for.



Emotional Support.

In an upcoming movie, Peter Parker brings the founder of Theranos to justice

They are calling it: "Spiderman: No way, Holmes"

Picking a Supreme Court Justice is a lot like crossing a river...

It all comes down to Roe v Wade

Atheist Bus Driver

(Turkish Joke, couldn't find it on Reddit, hopefully the translation does justice)

So I met a guy in jail whose nickname was "Atheist". I finally asked him why everyone called him this way; so he started telling his story:

"Well, I was a bus driver in our village. One day while driving...

How many social justice warriors does it take to change a light bulb?

Just kidding, social justice warriors can't change anything.

Justice has been served!

There's been some scumbag called Callum known as cal going round breaking in to people's houses near me for months, but the police can't catch him.
The weirdest thing about it all, is he was breaking into people's houses and ruining their washing machines by putting bricks in to them & turni...

In Zack Snyders Justice League, Barry Allen breaks a window simply by touching it.

This is because windows no longer supports Flash.

Social Justice Warriors Favorite Sandwich:

Lettuce, Guacamole, Bacon and Tomato

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There was a little old man who was in very good shape but noticed one morning that he was suntanned over his entire body with the exception of his penis…

So he went to the beach, completely undressed and buried himself in the sand except for his penis.

Just then, two old ladies were strolling along the sand one walking with a cane. Upon seeing this thing sticking out of the sand she began to move it about with her cane, remarking to the other ...

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A rapist and con artist get caught by the sheriff in a small town.

The town doesn’t have much money to take care of prisoners so the sheriff gets an idea. He decides he’ll charge money to let the townspeople punish the crooks and use the money to keep them in jail for as long as he can. The sheriff figures even a short stay in jail will be plenty after a little “ju...

Heavenly Justice

Once, there was a preacher who was an avid golfer. Every chance he could get, he would be on the golf course swinging away. It was an obsession. One Sunday was a picture-perfect day for golfing. The sun was out, no clouds were in the sky, and the temperature was just right.
The preacher was in a...

Southern Justice

Starting a trial, a Southern small-town prosecuting attorney called his first witness, a grandmotherly, elderly woman to the stand. He approached her and asked, 'Mrs. Jones, do you know me?' She responded, 'Why, yes, I do know you, Mr. Williams.
I've known you since you were a boy, and frankly, y...

Poetic Justice

Judge:

I find you guilty.
You are sentenced to ten years,
Take him away boys.

Prosecutor mutters, "Poetic Justice"

Epsteins victims were seeking justice

But were left hanging with Jefferys death.

My wife asked me how Wonder Woman got her new sword in the Justice League movie...

I told her that she must have Amazon Prime

Southern Justice

While traveling in unfamiliar territory, a lawyer ran a stop sign and got pulled over by a small town sheriff.

The lawyer thinks for a minute and decides that he can talk his way out of a ticket. After all, he assumes that he must be much better educated than the southern sheriff.

Th...

The members of the newly-formed Justice League were introducing themselves to each other.

S: “I’m Superman; I can fly, move at super speed, and have super strength.”

B: “I’m Batman; I’m the world’s greatest detective, master of many martial arts, and have gadgets that can do almost anything.”

GL: “I’m Green Lantern; my emerald bling can create constructs of anything I can i...

The Soviet gulags were fairer than the US justice system!

Everyone in the USSR had an equal opportunity to go there whether they committed a crime or not, and that is *fair*!

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

My girlfriend is upset that there’s no female equivalent of a “justice boner.”

I think she’s suffering from subpoenas envy.

Why are Social Justice Activists always warriors?

Because they don't have a high enough intelligence to be Social Justice Mages.

How conservative will Amy Coney Barrett's decisions be as a Supreme Court Justice?

I don't know, ask her husband.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

The Justice League has a vacancy and the number 7 is interviewing to fill a superhero position...

Batman: Thank you for coming, 7. Its been rough since the Flash took off and we're having a hard time finding someone to replace him. Let's get right to it. What is your first power?


Number 7: Well, for my whole life I've been in prime condition and I don't anticipate that changing anytim...

Criminal Justice is a lot like racial humor.

It’s the dark ones that get in trouble.

Two social justice warriors walk into a fence store...

Both took a fence

What do you call an undead soldier that fights for Social Justice?

A Wight Knight

What’s the opposite of Social Justice Warrior?

A Status Quosader

Did you hear about that decision the Supreme Court handed down without Justice Ginsburg?

It was ruthless.

Did you hear about the insomniac social justice activist?

He was woke af

Donald Trump better not remove Justice Ginsberg from the supreme court.

that would be ruthless

Why is everyone a social justice warrior ?

Couldn't they pick another class ? Like social justice mage or social justice hunter ?

Today I gave up my seat on the bus to a blind person.

I was also fired from my job as a bus driver, no justice for the kind hearted in this world.

President Trump accidentally bumped into Chief Justice Roberts.

Trump: "Pardon me."

Roberts: "Well that is your absolute right."

The US Justice Department were hellbent on taking IKEA to court a few years ago.

Unfortunately they had to walk away as they were having difficulties putting a case together.

As a social justice warrior, you all offend me. I am going to cancel each and every one of you.

Starting with your netflix account.

A District Court judge, a Circuit Court judge, and a Supreme Court justice are sitting at a bar

The District Court judge says, "I interpret the Constitution the way I read it."

The Circuit Court judge says, "I interpret the Constitution the way it's written."

The Supreme Court justice says, "The Constitution isn't anything, until I interpret it."

(original joke was three u...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

One day Superman is flying over the Justice League building...

and he looks down to see Wonder Woman sprawled out on her back, naked, tanning.

"Wow she is so hot, if only I can have a chance at that!" He exclaimed to himself. Suddenly a thought occurred to him...

"Wait, I am Superman! I can fly down there and have sex with her and fly off so fast ...

Why are people in I.T. the worst kind of social justice warriors?

They are always asking you to check your privilege.

I caught a bunch of social justice warriors in my yard digging up large wooden stakes

They said the posts had to be removed before they caused a fence.

Why did Plastic Man get kicked out of Justice League?

He was accused of rubbery

The Social Justice League doesn't have a Batmobile

They have a tumbler.

What do you call a werewolf who has taken an interest in social justice?

Awarewolf

Once upon a time, in the magical fantasy kingdom, there lived a young monk named Sam.

His order was renowned for their beautiful choral singing. They trained, hours every day, refining their voices and their art. Their song floated down the mountainside, enriching the lives and souls of the townspeople below.

Sam was particularly gifted, and on his 19th birthday, in mid-song,...

I saw justice in action today for the first time ever.

I went out for breakfast this morning with my girlfriend, saw a Jehovah’s Witness lock himself out of his own house. Kept ringing the bell.

A woman is walking through the park when she sees a very attractive man sitting on a bench. He's reading a book and eating some fruit out of a Tupperware container. Slowly, the woman gathers courage to go ask him out. She walks over, takes a seat next to him, turns and says...

"Sorry to bother you. I know this may be a little forward but I would love to grab coffee with you some time."

Flattered, the man responds, "Sure...but what makes you so certain you and I would get along so well?"

"Well..." the woman says. "A couple things, actually. I noticed you were...

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