UPJOKE
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The Supreme Court has changed dramatically since Justice Ginsberg died.

It has become Ruth less.

What time does a social justice warrior get up in the morning?

It's hard to say, she's already woke.

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There was a little old man who was in very good shape but noticed one morning that he was suntanned over his entire body with the exception of his penis…

So he went to the beach, completely undressed and buried himself in the sand except for his penis.

Just then, two old ladies were strolling along the sand one walking with a cane. Upon seeing this thing sticking out of the sand she began to move it about with her cane, remarking to the other ...

What's another name for rural class justice?

Lawn enforcement

An Afghan escaping from Taliban walks in through the Pakistani border...

He is immediately stopped by Pakistani border patrol agents and asked to identify himself. He stops and says he's the Minister of Ports & Shipping of Afghanistan.

Paxtani border officer: "But there is no sea in Afghanistan. How can you be the Minister of Ports & Shipping?"

Afg...

I don't get why there are so many social justice warriors

Why don't people want to play as social justice mages or social justice rangers?

A District Court judge, a Circuit Court judge, and a Supreme Court justice are sitting at a bar

The District Court judge says, "I interpret the Constitution the way I read it."

The Circuit Court judge says, "I interpret the Constitution the way it's written."

The Supreme Court justice says, "The Constitution isn't anything, until I interpret it."

(original joke was three u...

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Justice is best served cold

Coz if it were warm, it’d be Justwater.

New Bull

Three bulls heard that the rancher was going to bring yet another bull onto the ranch, and the prospect raised a discussion among them.

First Bull: "Boys, we all know I've been here 5 years. Once we settled our differences, we agreed on which 100 of the cows would be mine. Now, I don't k...

In Zack Snyders Justice League, Barry Allen breaks a window simply by touching it.

This is because windows no longer supports Flash.

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A Marine returns from duty in Iraq and is immediately reassigned to a remote location in Afghanistan

That evening he arrives at his new post; a run down mosque in the middle of nowhere.

As he switches over with the marine currently stationed there, he realises there is no bed, no clean water, no toilet, just him, his weapon and the dirt on the floor.

The next morning he wakes up to fi...

The members of the newly-formed Justice League were introducing themselves to each other.

S: “I’m Superman; I can fly, move at super speed, and have super strength.”

B: “I’m Batman; I’m the world’s greatest detective, master of many martial arts, and have gadgets that can do almost anything.”

GL: “I’m Green Lantern; my emerald bling can create constructs of anything I can i...

Why do social justice warriors hate dentists?

Because they make teeth straight and white.

As a social justice warrior, you all offend me. I am going to cancel each and every one of you.

Starting with your netflix account.

After many years of fighting crime as batman

Bruce Wayne finally got married and had a son. His son turned out to be brilliant at investing, especially in bitcoin, making Wayne Enterprises one of the biggest companies on the planet.

All this time, Bruce had been training him, and when the time was right, Bruce introduced his son to the ...

The devil appears before a new lawyer, offering him a wish in exchange for his soul.

The lawyer, enthusiastically and without hesitation, wishes to be made “the best damn lawyer the us justice system has ever seen.” Surprised at the enthusiasm, the devil asks why he seemed so excited to throw away his soul for success in this life. The lawyer simply replies:

“If I’m going t...

US Supreme Court Justice Ginsburg died.

Clearly now people will see the court as completely Ruth-less.

How conservative will Amy Coney Barrett's decisions be as a Supreme Court Justice?

I don't know, ask her husband.

A Gen Z kid and a boomer walk into a bar

They sit down and the Gen Z kid orders from the gluten free vegan menu and the boomer orders a T-Bone steak.

They start chatting and the Gen Z kid says that social justice issues are the biggest problem facing the world, and that the white supremacist patriarchy is a plague on society. ...

Did you hear about that decision the Supreme Court handed down without Justice Ginsburg?

It was ruthless.

The year is 2020 and the United States has just elected the first woman, from Alabama , as president.

The year is 2020 and the United States has just elected the first woman, from Alabama , as president.

A few days after the election the president-elect calls her father and says,

'So, Daddy, I assume you will be coming to my inauguration?'

'I don't think so. It's a 16 hour driv...

How many social justice warriors does it take to change a light bulb?

Just kidding, social justice warriors can't change anything.

It's appropriate that Cyborg from the Justice League is black,

Considering that he's only 3/5 of a person.

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My girlfriend is upset that there’s no female equivalent of a “justice boner.”

I think she’s suffering from subpoenas envy.

My wife asked me how Wonder Woman got her new sword in the Justice League movie...

I told her that she must have Amazon Prime

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Wonderwoman was sunbathing naked on top of the justice league tower...

Superman was flying over and he had the idea that "hey I'm quick as lightning, I could go down there and have sex with her really quick then be out of there in a second." So he flies down, gets the job done and flies off. Wonderwoman jumps up and goes "what the hell was that?" Invisible man replies ...

What is justice Brett Kavanaugh’s first case?

Coors Light

Free Haircuts

A barber gave a haircut to a priest one day. The priest tried to pay for the haircut, but the barber refused, saying, "you do God's work."

The next morning the barber found a dozen bibles at the door to his shop.


A policeman came to the barber for a haircut, and again the barber...

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Justice is served

So Donald Trump is finally found guilty for all of his high crimes and misdemeanors. The very fine people of New York have won the privilege to decide his fate. Before his many years in prison the city had declared that, The Donald be put in stocks and chains on display in the middle of 5th Avenue. ...

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The Justice League has a vacancy and the number 7 is interviewing to fill a superhero position...

Batman: Thank you for coming, 7. Its been rough since the Flash took off and we're having a hard time finding someone to replace him. Let's get right to it. What is your first power?


Number 7: Well, for my whole life I've been in prime condition and I don't anticipate that changing anytim...

Picking a Supreme Court Justice is a lot like crossing a river...

It all comes down to Roe v Wade

Flat is Justice.

TIL what A-cup bras are for.



Emotional Support.

What do you call an undead soldier that fights for Social Justice?

A Wight Knight

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Best joke I have heard in a few months... let's see if I can do it justice!

A guy enters a Halloween party just in his pants.

Guy 1: what are you dressed as?
Guy 2: I came as pre mature ejaculation!
Guy 1: okay? Why don't you have a shirt or shoes?
Guy 2: well, I just came in my pants!

I caught a bunch of social justice warriors in my yard digging up large wooden stakes

They said the posts had to be removed before they caused a fence.

Donald Trump better not remove Justice Ginsberg from the supreme court.

that would be ruthless

Social Justice Warriors Favorite Sandwich:

Lettuce, Guacamole, Bacon and Tomato

A white politician goes to an Indian Rez for a stump speech.

"The native population is part of this great nation's heritage. I want to represent and further your interests". "Hoya! Hoya! Hoya!" They chant.

"We should respect your culture and traditions while helping you advance in society, if that's what you wish." "Hoya! Hoya! Hoya!"

"The count...

The Soviet gulags were fairer than the US justice system!

Everyone in the USSR had an equal opportunity to go there whether they committed a crime or not, and that is *fair*!

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Scale of Justice

For three years, the young attorney had been taking his brief vacations at this country inn. The last time he'd finally managed an affair with the innkeeper's daughter. Looking forward to an exciting few days, he dragged his suitcase up the stairs of the inn, then stopped short. There sat his lover ...

What's the most unrealistic part of The A-Team (2010)?

The CIA agent actually gets brought to justice

The first female president is being sworn in.

Her Jewish mother is sitting in the second row next to a Supreme Court Justice, watching. The judge leans over and says, "Madam, you must be VERY proud."

The mother says, "Well, you see that girl with her hand on the Bible? Her brother's a doctor."

A German and a Swiss went to have a meeting together after invading France

The German asked "Why does Switzerland has a Naval Department? You guys are a landlocked country? You dont have access to the sea"

The Swiss then reply "Why does Germany has a Ministry of Justice?"

Why are people in I.T. the worst kind of social justice warriors?

They are always asking you to check your privilege.

The US Justice Department were hellbent on taking IKEA to court a few years ago.

Unfortunately they had to walk away as they were having difficulties putting a case together.

Eight of the Supreme Court justices, except for Ginsburg, went out on a killing spree, executing everyone they came across.....

... they were Ruthless

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A rapist and con artist get caught by the sheriff in a small town.

The town doesn’t have much money to take care of prisoners so the sheriff gets an idea. He decides he’ll charge money to let the townspeople punish the crooks and use the money to keep them in jail for as long as he can. The sheriff figures even a short stay in jail will be plenty after a little “ju...

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If General Motors Built Cars like Microsoft...



This is an old joke and sadly some of this has come to pass.



If General Motors Built Cars like Microsoft...

At a recent computer expo (COMDEX), Bill Gates reportedly compared the computer industry with the auto industry and stated: "If GM had kept up with technology li...

Why did Superman slowly go insane?

Because he was fighting for Truth, Justice AND the American Way

Why are Social Justice Activists always warriors?

Because they don't have a high enough intelligence to be Social Justice Mages.

Did you hear about the insomniac social justice activist?

He was woke af

Justice has been served!

There's been some scumbag called Callum known as cal going round breaking in to people's houses near me for months, but the police can't catch him.
The weirdest thing about it all, is he was breaking into people's houses and ruining their washing machines by putting bricks in to them & turni...

Why is everyone a social justice warrior ?

Couldn't they pick another class ? Like social justice mage or social justice hunter ?

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The Department of Justice has announced the approval of a merger between Reddit and a Hindu temple

This is anticipated to create $50 million of synergies in the karma industry.

Criminal Justice is a lot like racial humor.

It’s the dark ones that get in trouble.

Justice

The word of the day is "just."

"Just" is a fun word, because it can mean both "absolutely" and "barely."

Examples:

That's just fantastic.
-and-
That's just enough.

"Just" may also be used to regard something as fair or deserved.

The judgement was just.
-an...

What do you call a werewolf who has taken an interest in social justice?

Awarewolf

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One day Superman is flying over the Justice League building...

and he looks down to see Wonder Woman sprawled out on her back, naked, tanning.

"Wow she is so hot, if only I can have a chance at that!" He exclaimed to himself. Suddenly a thought occurred to him...

"Wait, I am Superman! I can fly down there and have sex with her and fly off so fast ...

Once upon a time, in the magical fantasy kingdom, there lived a young monk named Sam.

His order was renowned for their beautiful choral singing. They trained, hours every day, refining their voices and their art. Their song floated down the mountainside, enriching the lives and souls of the townspeople below.

Sam was particularly gifted, and on his 19th birthday, in mid-song,...

What do you call a judge without any thumbs ?

Justice fingers.

Heavenly Justice

Once, there was a preacher who was an avid golfer. Every chance he could get, he would be on the golf course swinging away. It was an obsession. One Sunday was a picture-perfect day for golfing. The sun was out, no clouds were in the sky, and the temperature was just right.
The preacher was in a...

Poetic Justice

Judge:

I find you guilty.
You are sentenced to ten years,
Take him away boys.

Prosecutor mutters, "Poetic Justice"

One night a humble cobbler and devout Christian was praying when suddenly he heard a voice booming in his head.

"I am the Lord thy God. For offering the one trillionth prayer, I will answer three questions."

The cobbler decided he must think carefully about his questions so that he could do justice to God's message to His creation. After thinking for a bit, he managed to whisper, "Is it true that you m...

What do you call a dyslexic small town spinster who takes justice into her own hands?

A Village-Auntie

What’s the opposite of Social Justice Warrior?

A Status Quosader

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My mother taught me...

My mother taught me TO APPRECIATE A JOB WELL DONE. "If you're going to kill each other, do it outside. I just finished cleaning."

My mother taught me RELIGION. "You better pray that will come out of the carpet."

My mother taught me about TIME TRAVEL. "If you don't straighten up, I'm go...

Southern Justice

Starting a trial, a Southern small-town prosecuting attorney called his first witness, a grandmotherly, elderly woman to the stand. He approached her and asked, 'Mrs. Jones, do you know me?' She responded, 'Why, yes, I do know you, Mr. Williams.
I've known you since you were a boy, and frankly, y...

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Roger was very thin because he was afraid to spend a lot of money on food. He looked forward to the day when his grandfather would die and leave him a fortune.

His grandfather was blessed with both a sense of humor and a sense of justice. So he planned that when he finally died all he would leave to Roger was a cookie.

But what a cookie.

It was made with butter, churned from milk from a yak milked by a virginal milkmaid on the highest field o...

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Did you hear about the supreme court justice who was caught stealing the scraps from restaurant booths?

Police identified her as Booth Raider Ginsburg.

Why did Plastic Man get kicked out of Justice League?

He was accused of rubbery

Southern Justice

While traveling in unfamiliar territory, a lawyer ran a stop sign and got pulled over by a small town sheriff.

The lawyer thinks for a minute and decides that he can talk his way out of a ticket. After all, he assumes that he must be much better educated than the southern sheriff.

Th...

President Trump accidentally bumped into Chief Justice Roberts.

Trump: "Pardon me."

Roberts: "Well that is your absolute right."

I saw justice in action today for the first time ever.

I went out for breakfast this morning with my girlfriend, saw a Jehovah’s Witness lock himself out of his own house. Kept ringing the bell.

If a judge loses her pregnancy...

Is that a miscarriage of justice?

What's the difference between the Justice League reshoots and unlocking all the heroes in Battlefront 2?

One was only slightly cheaper than the other.

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Tommy was 4 when his little brother was born. Tommy was pissed.

His life was suddenly turned upside down. Everyone was too busy doting on little Timmy to notice him anymore, everyone was like "Timmy this, Timmy that, Timmy's the best kid ever". Even his parents seemed to have forgotten about him. Tommy began to go deep into depression, but nobody seemed to care,...

Justice Scalia stated that he wants to be cremated after his death

Millions of women are meeting now to discuss if that's what is best for his body.

Atheist Bus Driver

(Turkish Joke, couldn't find it on Reddit, hopefully the translation does justice)

So I met a guy in jail whose nickname was "Atheist". I finally asked him why everyone called him this way; so he started telling his story:

"Well, I was a bus driver in our village. One day while driving...

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