IKEA has been accused of evading over $500 million in taxes. Apparently, prosecutors have been after them for years...

...but they're having a really hard time putting their case together.

I know federal prosecutors have a 99% conviction rate. But I'm a little nervous.

Because Trump picked his cabinet from the 1%.

"The prosecutor says she can produce five witnesses who saw you running from the bank with money bags in your hands"

"The prosecutor says she can produce five witnesses who saw you running from the bank with money bags in your hands" a defense lawyer confided in his client.

"That's nothing," the client replied, ""I can produce five hundred witnesses who didn't see me running from the bank with money bags i...

Why was the banana a good prosecutor?

She always made the defense slip up on appeal.

What did the doctor say to the prosecutor?

You're trying my patients!

An Alaskan was on trial in Anchorage.

The prosecutor leaned menacingly toward him and asked:

“Where were you on the night of October to April?”

A cannibal is on trial for murder and cannibalism...

He's called up to the witness stand and the prosecutor asks him if he pleads guilty or innocent.
"Innocent!" he says.
The prosecutor asks him to prove it.
The cannibal answers, "Well, you are what you eat, right? So I am an innocent man!"

[Long] A young couple notices that their son appears to be unwell.

They decide it would be best to first check their son’s temperature. The mother quickly grabs a thermometer from the medicine drawer. Upon checking her son’s temperature, she is able to confirm a fever indicating that he is indeed sick, and is able to promptly cure him of his illness. “Thank goodnes...

what's a pirate's least favorite letter?

Dear Sir,

this is the federal prosecutor's office, informing you that you've been convicted and charged on seven counts of piracy

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

A serial rapist was caught and put on trial

and the prosecutor asked the rapist "What inspired you to do what you did?"

He replied, "Your honor, I couldn't have raped those women because I am gay!"

A look of relief spread across the judge's face and he leaned back contently in his chair... "Finally, some biblical justification t...

BREAKING NEWS: Man convicted of first degree murder. He pleaded guilty of killing another man by repeatedly slamming his victim's head in a door made of cement.

"The case was open-and-shut." Said the prosecutor.

"We had plenty of concrete evidence."

So I live in a small town

The town is really small. There some rich people, but not a lot. One of them, however, is my neighbor. He is a doctor, but also owns a tiny motel with his wife called the Spanish Inn. A couple of years later, the motel mysteriously burns down. The couple tries to file for insurance, but the inspecto...

When Jehovah's witnesses knock on my door...

I just tell them "Sorry, I'm Jehovah's Prosecutor and shouldn't be talking with you."

*A man is trying to prove his innocence in court*

Defendant: "Please your honour, I don't have a single bad bone in my body"

Prosecutor: "Well according to your medical exam it appears you have osteoporosis"

Judge: "Guilty"

Wells Fargo is taken to court by the US government...

...for secretly opening accounts for their customers. Right before the case the governement prosecutor suddenly goes missing. The government suspects that they have an unaccounted sollicitor on account of unsollicited accounts.

A woman on trial

A woman is on trial for beating her husband to death with his guitar collection.

The judge asks the prosecutor:
"First offender?"

The prosecutor responds:

"No, a Gibson first, then a Fender"

Poetic Justice

Judge:

I find you guilty.
You are sentenced to ten years,
Take him away boys.

Prosecutor mutters, "Poetic Justice"

I can't believe I got arrested, just for indulging in a bit of horseplay.

Although the prosecutor is calling it 'bestiality'.

A jury finds a man not-guilty in court...

During trial much evidence had been produced that showed the defendant to be guilty.
Upon the jury's decision the prosecutor incredulously asked the judge: "Your honor, on what basis could the jury possibly have acquitted the defendant?!"
The judge replied: "Temporary insanity".
To which...