IKEA has been accused of evading over $500 million in taxes. Apparently, prosecutors have been after them for years...

...but they're having a really hard time putting their case together.

"The prosecutor says she can produce five witnesses who saw you running from the bank with money bags in your hands"

"The prosecutor says she can produce five witnesses who saw you running from the bank with money bags in your hands" a defense lawyer confided in his client.

"That's nothing," the client replied, ""I can produce five hundred witnesses who didn't see me running from the bank with money bags i...

One day at court, the prosecutor called the first witness to the stand, and in came a gossipy old woman

The prosecutor started by asking her, "Do you know who I am?"

The old woman replied. "Yes, you're John Kim, and I must say I'm very disappointed in you. You're greedy, you treat others like dirt, and you've been keeping a mistress for years! Of course I know who you are."

The prosecuto...

I know federal prosecutors have a 99% conviction rate. But I'm a little nervous.

Because Trump picked his cabinet from the 1%.

Why was the banana a good prosecutor?

She always made the defense slip up on appeal.

It was Christmas time, and the judge was feeling a little benevolent and filled with holiday spirit.

“What exactly is the charge?” he asked counsel.

​

“The man standing before you is charged with doing his Christmas shopping early.”

​

“Shopping early?” the judge replied. “Well, what’s wrong with that?”

​

The prosecutor repl...

What did the doctor say to the prosecutor?

You're trying my patients!

An Alaskan was on trial in Anchorage.

The prosecutor leaned menacingly toward him and asked:

“Where were you on the night of October to April?”

A cannibal is on trial for murder and cannibalism...

He's called up to the witness stand and the prosecutor asks him if he pleads guilty or innocent.
"Innocent!" he says.
The prosecutor asks him to prove it.
The cannibal answers, "Well, you are what you eat, right? So I am an innocent man!"

what's a pirate's least favorite letter?

Dear Sir,

this is the federal prosecutor's office, informing you that you've been convicted and charged on seven counts of piracy

So I live in a small town

The town is really small. There some rich people, but not a lot. One of them, however, is my neighbor. He is a doctor, but also owns a tiny motel with his wife called the Spanish Inn. A couple of years later, the motel mysteriously burns down. The couple tries to file for insurance, but the inspecto...

BREAKING NEWS: Man convicted of first degree murder. He pleaded guilty of killing another man by repeatedly slamming his victim's head in a door made of cement.

"The case was open-and-shut." Said the prosecutor.

"We had plenty of concrete evidence."

When Jehovah's witnesses knock on my door...

I just tell them "Sorry, I'm Jehovah's Prosecutor and shouldn't be talking with you."

*A man is trying to prove his innocence in court*

Defendant: "Please your honour, I don't have a single bad bone in my body"

Prosecutor: "Well according to your medical exam it appears you have osteoporosis"

Judge: "Guilty"

Wells Fargo is taken to court by the US government...

...for secretly opening accounts for their customers. Right before the case the governement prosecutor suddenly goes missing. The government suspects that they have an unaccounted sollicitor on account of unsollicited accounts.

A woman on trial

A woman is on trial for beating her husband to death with his guitar collection.

The judge asks the prosecutor:
"First offender?"

The prosecutor responds:

"No, a Gibson first, then a Fender"

Poetic Justice

Judge:

I find you guilty.
You are sentenced to ten years,
Take him away boys.

Prosecutor mutters, "Poetic Justice"

I can't believe I got arrested, just for indulging in a bit of horseplay.

Although the prosecutor is calling it 'bestiality'.

A jury finds a man not-guilty in court...

During trial much evidence had been produced that showed the defendant to be guilty.
Upon the jury's decision the prosecutor incredulously asked the judge: "Your honor, on what basis could the jury possibly have acquitted the defendant?!"
The judge replied: "Temporary insanity".
To which...