Deputy Jokes

He opens it to find two sheriff’s deputies there. He asks if there is a problem. One of the deputies asks if he is married. The man replies, “Yes, I am.” The deputy then asks if he could see a picture of the man’s wife. The guy says, “Sure…” and gets a photo to show them. The deputy says, “I’m sorry... read more

>!"RELEASE THE CRACK-KEN!"!<

Gomer – who was not exactly the sharpest nail in the bucket went in to try out for the job.“Okay,” the sheriff drawled, “Gomer, what is 1 and 1?” “11” he replied.The sheriff thought to himself, “That’s not what I meant, but he’s right.”“What two days of the week start with the letter ‘T’?” “Today an... read more

A Deputy stops at a ranch and talks with the old ranch owner. He tells the rancher, 'I need to inspect your ranch for illegal grown drugs.' The old rancher says, 'Okay, but don't go in that field over there.'

The officer verbally explodes saying, 'Mister, I have the authority of the Federal ... read more

A man in Texas looking to join the Frio County Sheriffs Dept. was being interviewed. The Sergeant doing the interview says, "Your qualifications look good, but there's an attitude suitability test you must pass before you can be accepted."

Then, sliding a Smith and Wesson 45 pistol across the... read more

The sheriff and his deputy, Wait, were trying to track down a couple of bad guy brothers with the last name Joke.

They got a lead that the Joke brothers were working with a guy named This One. They had reason to believe that This One was hanging out with a notorious perp named Me. So, they pu... read more

The police log

The sheriff said I have one test, "I give you a gun and you have to shoot 4 blacks and a rabbit".
The man looked a bit confused and asked "why a rabbit?"
The sheriff replied "you're hired".

... and find them holed up in a cabin in the hills. The sheriff sends his deputy back to town for help. Some time later the deputy returns, driving a wagon containing all the girls from the town brothel.
The sheriff says "Dammit, Earl. I told you to bring my POSSE."

When he tells his chauffeur that he needs to go faster to get to the meeting on time. The chauffeur says that he's sorry, but can't go over the speed limit. The president can't miss this meeting so he decides to order the chauffeur into the back seat, while hopping behind the wheel to drive himself.... read more

Although it wasn't currently snowing, the temperature was well below freezing. No one would come out unless it was for emergencies. As the policeman rounded a corner, his headlights briefly passed over a vacant lot. Herbert quickly noticed something odd, and reversed his car so his headlights pointe... read more

None, he fell.

I work as a Detention Deputy, and that's one of my favorite jokes to tell the inmates.

A man walks into the sheriff's office... "I want to become a deputy!"

"Good, I want to you to catch this man" says the sheriff handling the man a wanted poster.

The poster reads : 'Last seen wearing a brown paper hat, brown paper shirt, brown paper pants, and brown paper boots.'
... read more

From: General Manager


To: Departmental Heads


On Friday evening at 5 p.m., Halley's Comet will be visible in this area-an event which occurs only once every 76 years. Please have the employees assemble in the park area outside the building and I will explain this rare phen... read more

(a freely translated joke of my grandma - the translation might not be perfect)

... St. Peter opens the gates and asks the pope for his name.

"I am the pope" he answers. "The pope?" Peter mutters "I am sorry, but I don't have a pope in my book."

"But I am God's deputy on earth, ... read more

A redhead, brunette & a blonde escape from prison and hide in a farmers' barn. Seeing no other cover, they decide to hide in three separate burlap sacks.

Before long, a deputy searches the barn and comes across the sacks.

He nudges the first sack, with the redhead in it, and she l... read more

Deputy walks up to the window and says to the guy "I clocked you at 90mph in a 55mph zone, can I see your drivers license"? "Don't got it" says the guy. Deputy then asks for his insurance card to which the guy replies "I think I saw one next to the gun in the glove box". Deputy says "Why do you have... read more

Judge "I see by your filing sir that you are suing the defendant for damages and injuries received when his cattle truck ran a red light and broadsided your car, now the damages I can understand but the defendant has provided a police report that says you claimed to be uninjured at the scene, why ar... read more

They turn a corner and see three large empty sacks. Quickly, they each hide inside one.

The sheriff and his deputy turn the corner and see the three sacks on the ground. The sheriff dismounts and kicks the first sack.

"Meow," says the Englishman.

"It's just a cat," the sheriff s... read more

A young Texan grew up wanting to be a lawman.

He grew up big, 6' 2", strong as a longhorn, and fast as a mustang. He could shoot a bottle cap tossed in the air at 40 paces.

When he finally came of age, he applied to where he had only dreamed of working: the West Texas Sheriff's Depart... read more

Some of the regulars there noticed him and began sniffing the air.

"I smell nerd," said a regular to the truck driver. "Are you a nerd?"

The truck driver nervously said, "No, I'm not a nerd. Why?"

Another regular said, "Because around here we shoot nerds."

"Yeah," said ... read more

Him: “Don’t worry, I’m a Broward County Sheriff Deputy so there’s no chance I’ll come inside.”

The detective’s heels clicked on the cement steps as he approached the door. The deputy ducked under the police line behind him. He knocked and the door was slowly opened by the woman. The blue and red lights were reflected in her wet eyes.
“Mrs. Johnson?” He asked.
“Yes. . . ?” The wo... read more

Prickly Bob and his Saddlesore Gang have managed to capture Dan Hollings, Deputy of Tombstone. Prickly Bob, not wanting a murder warrant on his head, has decided to let the desert take care of his latest problem with the law.

Now, I won't lie to you. Alone and buried up to his chin in red des... read more

After being away from his base for a while, the base commander returns and asks his deputy if anything important happened while he was away.

"A handle on a shovel broke", said the deputy.

The commander was slightly confused why he is being told such everyday things, but commented: "Wel... read more

This one of my all time favorites... can’t remember where I heard it.

There was a religious man who lived by a river. One day a sheriffs deputy came by and said to him, “There’s a flood coming. You want to get to higher ground.” The man replied, “Thank you officer, but I trust in the Lord. HE... read more

One evening, a deputy in the canine division was dispatched to the scene of a possible burglary, where he discovered the back door of a building open. He let the dog out of his patrol car and commanded it to enter and seek. Jumping from the back seat, the dog headed for the building. After lunging t... read more

It is a big company where the boss is an English man.The deputy manager an Iyengar requested for leave for performing "purattasi sanikkizhamai puja".The boss called him and asked him to bring the concerned leave file,Going through the file the boss told him he has not took leave last year for this p... read more