UPJOKE
milkcheesecattlefarmyogurtdairy farmbeefcowgoatsheepdairy cattlemeatfactoryagriculturelivestock

What the the dairy farmer say to the Mandalorian?

This is the whey.

How did the Dairy Queen get pregnant?

Burger King forgot to wrap his whopper!

Milk production on a dairy farm has slowed down…

Management needs to figure out what’s going wrong, so they hire three consultants. A psychologist, an engineer, and a physicist.

The psychologist spends a few days wandering the fields before returning to the farmer and saying “The cows are stressed tf out. Give them a window for natural ligh...

Me and my brother drove past a dairy farm...

He said none of the cows were males and I told him "That's a bunch of Bull"

What are milk farmers attracted to?

A nice dairy air.

A young blind man is staring vacantly at the dairy aisle at the grocers.

A staff member comes up and asks if she can help him.

“Yes, ma’am. Can you tell me what milk is?” She seems perplexed but answers “well, milk is a white drink.”

“Ahh, now I know what a drink is… but what is white?” The woman is further unsure of the whole situation but thinks and says ...

A Dairy Farmer got into the healthy Oat Milk business.

He *barley* made ends meet.

A guy limped into a Dairy Queen and ordered a banana split.

The attendant began to make it for him and said "Crushed nuts?" And the guy said, No, I just have a bad knee."

Old man drinks milk and gets gas.

He has a problem with his dairy air.

What is the dairy farmer’s favorite Disney movie?

Moo-ana

The lobby of my local Dairy Queen was closed due to short staff.

They should've hired taller employees


(Joke brought to you by my 9yo sister)

Got fired from my new job at the dairy factory for making 1% milk the wrong way...

...instead of following the directions exactly, I just skimmed them.

Dairy Queen should have had a Harry Potter promotion.

You're a blizzard Dairy.

Why are dairy farmers non-monogamous?

They see udders.

I have dyslexia

I write about it in my dairy

What do you call a ship carrying dairy cows?

A Galleon of Milk

I was in the supermarket when I saw a man throwing milk and cheese everywhere

I thought “how dairy”

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

In Wisconsin a woman donated a kidney to a dairy farmer and he was so grateful he agreed to marry her. The preacher said: “what God has joined let no man put asunder.” The groom interrupted: “what’s asunder?”

The preacher said “apart.” The farmer said “a part of what?” “Apart from your wife” said the now frustrated minister. The groom said “shit! I already got a part from her.”

Did you hear about the Midwestern dairy farmers? Apparently they've begun a new trend of covering their cows' teets with fabric because they felt like their heifers were indecent.

It's Being Called An Udder Shame.

What did the dairy farmers say when they saw godzilla?

Muenster!!!

It is really tough being a dairy farmer.

You make money by the skim of your teat!

What does milking a cow smell like?

Dairy Air

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A woman calls her local dairy, telling them she wants to order enough milk to take a milk bath...

“You want the milk pasteurized?”

“No, just up to my tits.”

So, this dairy farmer takes his son out to learn about milking for the first time.

After he shows how to pull on the udders and fill the bucket, he says, "Now son, we have to dip your head in the milk to make it safe to drink."
The boy is confused and asks, "You've gotta dunk my whole head in the milk to be safe, Pa?"
The dairy farmer says, "No, son, no..."

"Just past...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What happen at after you go to Jack in the box, Dairy Queen and Burger King?

You take a royal flush.

was at a restaurant the other day and overheard this conversation. Customer: "I don't eat honey, eggs, cheese, dairy or any meat products. What can I get?"

Waiter: "You can get the hell out of here"

Gluten free

Diner: “ We don't eat dairy, eggs, meat, soy, gluten, or nuts. What do you recommend we get?

Waitress: “Out.”

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A blonde woman asks a dairy farmer to sell her 40 gallons of milk.

“Certainly, ma’am. Might I ask why you need so much milk?”

The blonde replies: “I’m going to take a bath in it...”

“Ok... no problem” he says. “Do you want it pasteurized?”

“No, just up to my boobs.” She responds. “I can splash it above my eyes.”

Whats the difference between a dairy farm and a McDonalds.

You’ll get arrested if you try to milk the cows at McDonalds.

Dear Dairy,

Stop telling everyone I'm dyslexic every time I write you these letters!

-Joe

I just inherited a dairy farm

I dont like it but I'm going to milk it for all its worth!!!

My new girlfriend told me she doesn’t eat dairy products.

I said “No whey!”

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What do a prostitute and a Vegan dairy farmer have in common?

They both make a living milking nuts.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

My father owns a bakery and a dairy farm.

It's his bread and butter.

My dad is a dairy farmer and his dad jokes are terrible

They whey me down as I curd barely take them

I was thinking about making a dairy joke

But that would have been a bit too cheesy...

Why was the killer obsessed with dairy?

He/she was a Cereal Killer

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

In business news, the makers of "Utterly Butterly" have been knocked off their top spot as the UK's leading brand of dairy spread.

I can't believe they're not bitter.

Not your dairy insect

An ant was walking around when it found a 5inch ant of his very same species:

- Why are youso big, it asked
- I drink a lot of milk

"Lactose in taller ant"

What did Hagrid say to Tinkerbell when she started working at Dairy Queen?

You're a Blizzard fairy!

Don't forget to keep everything in your dairy/pantry a few inches apart...

... We are supposed to be shelf isolating!

My dad's favorite story is about how he single-handedly saved a dairy farm from bankruptcy

The story is pretty cheesy, but he milks it for all its worth.

I found a church where they include dairy with communion.

They call it "Cheeses of Nazareth"

Why don't dairy farmers wear flip flops?

Because they lactose.

What is Thanos' favorite dairy product?

Half and Half

Today is 3 wks in quarantine w/o sugar. Walking 3 miles a day, no meat, dairy or flour! I feel great! No alcohol & vegan diet! A 2 hr home workout everyday. Lost 14 lbs & gained muscle mass!

I have no idea whose tweet this is but I’m proud of them so I decided to copy & paste it!

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I have a dairy farm

I have a dairy farm I named Dairy Air.

Now it’s the butt of every joke.

A dairy farmer walks in to his feed store and asks the clerk, "Has your product recently changed?"

"Same formula for two decades now" replies the clerk. "Why do you ask? Your cattle not eating?"

"No, it's not that. It's just that their flatulence has become unbearable. It used to not bother me, but it's got to the point that I can't even be in the barn without wearing a respirator."
<...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I'm allergic to gluten, dairy, nuts and I'm vegan. What can I get?

**Waiter:** The fuck outta here.

"Hey bro, so I just got diagnosed with a dairy allergy."

"No whey, man."

I just drove by an abandoned Dairy Queen.

I guess you could say it was *dessert*ed

A Sliced Dairy Product

There was once a man named Ani. Ani was a long-time comedian. He had been running both a YouTube and a Twitter account for an entire decade, and did stand-up in bars and comedy clubs. Everywhere he went, he was showered with praise for his originality and dedication. On one 17th of August, however, ...

Carol, a blonde city girl, marries a Cornish dairy farmer.

One morning, on his way out to check on the cows, farmer John says to Carol, 'The insemination man is coming over to impregnate one of our cows today. I drove a nail into the rail above the cow's stall in the barn.
You show him where the cow is when he gets here, OK?'
So then the farmer leaves...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A dairy farmer decided to boost productivity on his farm so he ordered a high-tech milking machine.

As his wife was out of town when it was delivered, he decided to test it on himself first and see if it gave him any pleasure.

So he inserted his penis into the machine, turned it on, and everything else was automatic.

It didn't take long before he realized the equipment provided him w...

Milk that cow..

(Its just a Joke) Three handsome crop farmers (brunette, redhead, and blonde) liked the same farm-girl. The farm-girl had a big dairy farm.

One day the three farmer friends decided to ask her, who she would like to go out with. Since they were all very handsome, the farm-girl had a hard time...

I was in the downtown last night thinking about having a dinner and went to a nearby restaurant. I asked the waiter, "I don't eat eggs, meat, fish, dairy or gluten. What would you recommend?"

He said a taxi.

Did you hear about the farmer that failed dairy farming school?

He didn't work well with udders.

Did I ever tell you about the time I stole some milk that someone had left by their window?

It was ledge-end dairy

What do you call an Arab who built his wealth by selling dairy products?

A milk-sheikh

What's the biggest problem with lactose intolerance?

Smelly dairy air!

How do dairy farms do their taxes?

Well, the ones with simple taxes can just use a cowculator, but the ones with real complicated situations have to go to an accowntant.

Milk production at a dairy farm was low, so the farmer wrote to the local university, asking for help from academia.

A multidisciplinary team of professors was assembled, headed by a theoretical physicist, and two weeks of intensive on-site investigation took place. The scholars then returned to the university, notebooks crammed with data, where the task of writing the report was left to the team leader. Shortly t...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A drunk man goes to Dairy Queen.

He walks up to the counter and says to the attendant "I'll have a (hic) banana split, with peanuts."

The attendant realizes he's drunk and rudely asks "sir, do you want your nuts crushed?"

The drunk without missing a beat says, "Hell no, do you want your titty twisted off?!?"

The dairy farm

A man hears word of a dairy farm that runs a brothel behind the scenes, and decides to go check it out. When he gets there, the old farmer that runs the place informs him of how things work.

Farmer: We're not a brothel in the traditional sense. See, there's a wall over there with 3 holes ...

What do you call a dairy cow that doesn't produce milk?

An udder failure

Why did the dairy farmer decide not to start growing weed near the cows?

The steaks would be too high

My hayfever makes me sneeze like my dairy intolerance makes me fart.

I hate my analogies.

What do you get when you cross a joke with a celestial Greek dairy product?

Apollo cheese for the punchline.

Two dairy farmers are walking through the creamery when suddenly one of them slips and falls in a large vat of milk...

...the other one yells angrily, "get out of there, it's pasteurized!"

And the farmer in the vat shouts back, "no it's not......It's only just past my waist!"

Did you hear about the terrorist attack on the dairy / cow farm?

It was an udder disaster.

Why Do You Never See Camels Going To School With Cows?

Because they don't want to put up with that drama dairy.

(My wife came up with this, don't hate me.)

A farmer notices his dairy cows aren't producing as much milk as they used to.

So the farmer decides to sell them to the butcher in town. The farmer and the butcher exchange plesantries and start to discuss prices for both cows. The butcher notices a strange smell and asks the farmer if he smells it too. The farmer says that on his way over with the cows his back started to ac...

Finally found out why dairy cows lose their balance so easily

They lactose

I just found out they made a heart-shaped dairy-lovers pizza

Too cheesy for me though

My vegetarian girlfriend started a diet where she has cut out gluten, dairy, and preservatives.

It’s not all that bad though, because recently she’s been eating more nuts.

Did you know you can't go into a Kosher kitchen if you're having an argument with dairy?

Because then you would be having beef with cheese.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Dairy product truck clashed and everything inside went flying out.

That's when I saw butter fly.

Why is Dairy Queen always in a bad mood?

Because she's married to Mister Softee.

So an engineer, a psychologist, and a physicist are called into a dairy farm that is low on production...

They're each given a day to inspect the farm, then they each deliver a thesis on how best to increase production.

The engineer goes first; he says that if each stall is decreased in area by 40 inches, housing capacity could be doubled.

The psychologist then says that if the walls were...

Did you hear about the cheesemaker who got sent to maximum security prison?

He's being kept in solid-dairy confinement.

An Arab prince acquires a dairy farm

He's known far and wide as the Milk Sheikh

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A blonde goes to a dairy farm.

She asks for enough milk to fill a bathtub.
The farmer says, "Do you think you should get the milk from a grocery store, so it will be pasteurized?"
The blonde says, "No. I only want it up to my tits."

An evangelical dairy farmer stopped by my house on Sunday

He wanted to talk about Cheeses.

What do you call a lactose-intolerant person’s farts?

Their dairy-air

Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.