I was thinking about making a dairy joke

But that would have been a bit too cheesy...

How did Burger King get Dairy Queen pregnant?

He forgot to wrap his whopper.

A Sliced Dairy Product

There was once a man named Ani. Ani was a long-time comedian. He had been running both a YouTube and a Twitter account for an entire decade, and did stand-up in bars and comedy clubs. Everywhere he went, he was showered with praise for his originality and dedication. On one 17th of August, however, ...

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I have a dairy farm

I have a dairy farm I named Dairy Air.

Now it’s the butt of every joke.

Whats the difference between a dairy farm and a McDonalds.

You’ll get arrested if you try to milk the cows at McDonalds.

I found a church where they include dairy with communion.

They call it "Cheeses of Nazareth"

Milk production at a dairy farm was low, so the farmer wrote to the local university, asking for help from academia.

A multidisciplinary team of professors was assembled, headed by a theoretical physicist, and two weeks of intensive on-site investigation took place. The scholars then returned to the university, notebooks crammed with data, where the task of writing the report was left to the team leader. Shortly t...

What did Hagrid say to Tinkerbell when she started working at Dairy Queen?

You're a Blizzard fairy!

My dad's favorite story is about how he single-handedly saved a dairy farm from bankruptcy

The story is pretty cheesy, but he milks it for all its worth.

My dad is a dairy farmer and his dad jokes are terrible

They whey me down as I curd barely take them

I just inherited a dairy farm

I dont like it but I'm going to milk it for all its worth!!!

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A man just assaulted me with milk, cream and butter,

How dairy.

What is Thanos' favorite dairy product?

Half and Half

Vegans don't beat their meat

They beat their "0% dairy all organic tofu"

Here in Wisconsin, we're known as the Dairy State

Or for the lactose intolerant among us, the Diarrhea State

What do you get when you cross a joke with a celestial Greek dairy product?

Apollo cheese for the punchline.

How do dairy farms do their taxes?

Well, the ones with simple taxes can just use a cowculator, but the ones with real complicated situations have to go to an accowntant.

What do you call an Arabic dairy farmer?

A milk sheikh.

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A drunk man goes to Dairy Queen.

He walks up to the counter and says to the attendant "I'll have a (hic) banana split, with peanuts."

The attendant realizes he's drunk and rudely asks "sir, do you want your nuts crushed?"

The drunk without missing a beat says, "Hell no, do you want your titty twisted off?!?"

My new girlfriend told me she doesn’t eat dairy products.

I said “No whey!”

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That milkman just called me a fat bitch!

How dairy!

Two dairy farmers are walking through the creamery when suddenly one of them slips and falls in a large vat of milk...

...the other one yells angrily, "get out of there, it's pasteurized!"

And the farmer in the vat shouts back, "no it's not......It's only just past my waist!"

"Hey bro, so I just got diagnosed with a dairy allergy."

"No whey, man."

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A dairy farmer decided to boost productivity on his farm so he ordered a high-tech milking machine.

As his wife was out of town when it was delivered, he decided to test it on himself first and see if it gave him any pleasure.

So he inserted his penis into the machine, turned it on, and everything else was automatic.

It didn't take long before he realized the equipment provided him w...

My brother just threw a glass of milk at me

My brother just threw a glass of milk at me.

How dairy

The dairy farm

A man hears word of a dairy farm that runs a brothel behind the scenes, and decides to go check it out. When he gets there, the old farmer that runs the place informs him of how things work.

Farmer: We're not a brothel in the traditional sense. See, there's a wall over there with 3 holes ...

My younger brother took his life 3 years ago. Always a comedian, here’s his cheesiest joke

Farmesan the dairy farmer is feeling bleu because of a string of falls he's been suffering. He calls up his doctor, Dr. Edam JaColby, and tells him "Doc, I'm in so much paineer!"and schedules an appointment. So Farmesan carephilly stumbles over to the clinic. "You mozzarella needed to see me cause y...

A dairy farmer walks in to his feed store and asks the clerk, "Has your product recently changed?"

"Same formula for two decades now" replies the clerk. "Why do you ask? Your cattle not eating?"

"No, it's not that. It's just that their flatulence has become unbearable. It used to not bother me, but it's got to the point that I can't even be in the barn without wearing a respirator."
<...

What do you call mythical cheese?

Legend dairy

I just drove by an abandoned Dairy Queen.

I guess you could say it was *dessert*ed

What do you call an Arab who built his wealth by selling dairy products?

A milk-sheikh

I went to eat at a Mexican restaurant with my friend Sara.

She had recently been diagnosed lactose intolerant, and hadn't eaten dairy in months, so I was a little surprised she wanted to eat there.

Before the server could even ask if we wanted an appetizer, Sara blurted out "I haven't had cheese in forever. Bring us a cheese dip, and don't even bothe...

Did you hear about the Midwestern dairy farmers?

Apparently they've begun a new trend of covering their cows' teets with fabric because they felt like their heifers were indecent. It's being called an udder shame.

My hayfever makes me sneeze like my dairy intolerance makes me fart.

I hate my analogies.

Have you heard about the troupe of actors who supported themselves by making and selling camel milk cheese?

The called themselves the Drama Dairy.

What does Activision and a Dairy worker have in common?

They both love milking.

Once lived a man with his mother, who dreamt of buying a car everyday.

But those were hard times. Money was scarce. Jobs weren't easy to get. So, he applied to work as a worker in a dairy factory, coz who doesn't want to have milk, but soon realised with his monthly wages, it'll take him 10 years to save enough money for the car.

Next, he applied in a newspaper ...

Carol, a blonde city girl, marries a Cornish dairy farmer.

One morning, on his way out to check on the cows, farmer John says to Carol, 'The insemination man is coming over to impregnate one of our cows today. I drove a nail into the rail above the cow's stall in the barn.
You show him where the cow is when he gets here, OK?'
So then the farmer leaves...

Why don't dairy farmers wear flip flops?

Because they lactose.

Why do French men enjoy the Wisconsin country side?

They love that Dairy Air!

Just watched the news and a guy in the UK proposed to his wife with the ring on the udder of a cow.

How dairy.

Did you hear about the farmer that failed dairy farming school?

He didn't work well with udders.

Did you hear about the terrorist attack on the dairy / cow farm?

It was an udder disaster.

What do you call a dairy cow that doesn't produce milk?

An udder failure

Did you know you can't go into a Kosher kitchen if you're having an argument with dairy?

Because then you would be having beef with cheese.

A farmer notices his dairy cows aren't producing as much milk as they used to.

So the farmer decides to sell them to the butcher in town. The farmer and the butcher exchange plesantries and start to discuss prices for both cows. The butcher notices a strange smell and asks the farmer if he smells it too. The farmer says that on his way over with the cows his back started to ac...

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Dairy product truck clashed and everything inside went flying out.

That's when I saw butter fly.

A quest

An adventurer did a quest for a farmer. When he returned, he saw the farmer had moved all his cows out onto a cliffside as far as they would go. The farmer waved him over and offered the adventurer a sword as a quest reward. The adventurer asked "Why on earth did you move all your cows out here just...

How was the Dutch dairy farmer caught up in a brawl?

He was gouda'd into it.

A Chinese dairy company offered an American couple a tour of China...

A Chinese dairy company offered an American couple a tour of China. The conditions were quite simple: the couple had to wear and use merchandise from the dairy company and that they had to stay with the company's marketing team throughout the tour. Of course, the couple accepted the offer.

Up...

I was in the supermarket the other day

My mum sent me in to get the essentials bread, milk etc.

So I got the bread, sugar, fruit and I made my way done to the milk aisle.

But I saw this old man, throwing cheese and milk everywhere.

I thought, how dairy...

What do you call good ice cream

Legend-dairy

Why is Dairy Queen always in a bad mood?

Because she's married to Mister Softee.

What does it smell like when a cow farts?

Dairy-air

There is an initiative...

There is an initiative by the US government and the American Dairy Counsel that cheese needs to be sold only in block form. By doing this we could make America Grate Again.

A farmer was working out in the field with his three daughters one day when he saw a car approach

A strapping young man stepped out of the car and approached the farmer confidently.

'Hello sir. My name's Dean, and I'm here to take Jean to the dairy Queen'

The farmer respects the lads courteous approach and says, 'Alright Jean off you go, you kids enjoy yourselves'. Not five minutes...

An Arab prince acquires a dairy farm

He's known far and wide as the Milk Sheikh

This might be hard for some people to digest...

Dairy.

I just found out they made a heart-shaped dairy-lovers pizza

Too cheesy for me though

Girls night out

A group of 15 year old girlfriends discussed where they should meet for dinner. Finally, it was agreed upon that they should meet at the Dairy Queen next to the Ocean View restaurant because they only had $6.00 between them and Jimmy Johnson, that cute boy in Social Studies, lives on that street and...

This guy came at me with a bottle of milk.

How dairy

I was drinking my milkshake on a cliff and thought to myself...

Wow, this is ledge ‘n dairy!

How often does the Chinaman drink milk

Dairy

So an engineer, a psychologist, and a physicist are called into a dairy farm that is low on production...

They're each given a day to inspect the farm, then they each deliver a thesis on how best to increase production.

The engineer goes first; he says that if each stall is decreased in area by 40 inches, housing capacity could be doubled.

The psychologist then says that if the walls were...

A dairy farmer runs into his neighbor at the feed store...

"How's everything going?" the neighbor asks.

"Not too bad" the farmer replies, "but a couple of of my cows have had terrible flatulence lately; the smell is almost too much to bear."

The neighbor laughs, "I know what you mean. A few years ago one of my horses had the very same problem...

What do cows tell each other at bedtime?

Dairy tales!

How do you keep a vegan from eating all your dairy?

Invite two of them.

Dear Dairy

There sure are a lot of cows around here.

What do you get when you cross a dairy farmer with someone who moulds and fires clay?

A dairy potter.

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A list of puns

Here's a list of puns I've been collecting:

How do you throw a space party? You planet.

How was Rome split in two? With a pair of Ceasars.

Nope. Unintended.

The shovel was a ground breaking invention, but everyone was blow away by the leaf blower.

A scarecrow says,...

How do you turn milk into cheese?

Put it in solid dairy confinement.

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Ran into an old friend and they asked me "how's it going"?

I sighed a bit and answered "Well, things could be better actually. Yeah, I had to find a way out of that business I'd started."

They said, "Oh, really?"

"I'd done some research and found out that female cow manure had less nutrients in it than male manure. Something to do with the nu...

An evangelical dairy farmer stopped by my house on Sunday

He wanted to talk about Cheeses.

What's the favorite dairy product of Wall Street executives?

1% milk

A husband and wife have just moved out of the city...

...to a dairy farm at the top of a hill. One day, while on their morning walk, the husband spots their beautiful neighbor tending her garden. A gust of wind blows the neighbors dress up, exposing her rear. The husband, in complete awe and excitement, takes a deep breath and accidentally mutters to h...

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