A guy limped into a Dairy Queen and ordered a banana split.

The attendant began to make it for him and said "Crushed nuts?" And the guy said, No, I just have a bad knee."

What is the dairy farmer’s favorite Disney movie?

Moo-ana

Got fired from my new job at the dairy factory for making 1% milk the wrong way...

...instead of following the directions exactly, I just skimmed them.

What do you call a ship carrying dairy cows?

A Galleon of Milk

Did you hear about the Midwestern dairy farmers? Apparently they've begun a new trend of covering their cows' teets with fabric because they felt like their heifers were indecent.

It's Being Called An Udder Shame.

Dairy Queen should have had a Harry Potter promotion.

You're a blizzard Dairy.

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In Wisconsin a woman donated a kidney to a dairy farmer and he was so grateful he agreed to marry her. The preacher said: “what God has joined let no man put asunder.” The groom interrupted: “what’s asunder?”

The preacher said “apart.” The farmer said “a part of what?” “Apart from your wife” said the now frustrated minister. The groom said “shit! I already got a part from her.”

Why does the Dairy Queen have small fries?

Because the Burger King forgets to wrap his Whopper!

It is really tough being a dairy farmer.

You make money by the skim of your teat!

What did the dairy farmers say when they saw godzilla?

Muenster!!!

So, this dairy farmer takes his son out to learn about milking for the first time.

After he shows how to pull on the udders and fill the bucket, he says, "Now son, we have to dip your head in the milk to make it safe to drink."
The boy is confused and asks, "You've gotta dunk my whole head in the milk to be safe, Pa?"
The dairy farmer says, "No, son, no..."

"Just past...

was at a restaurant the other day and overheard this conversation. Customer: "I don't eat honey, eggs, cheese, dairy or any meat products. What can I get?"

Waiter: "You can get the hell out of here"

Why are dairy farmers non-monogamous?

They see udders.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What happen at after you go to Jack in the box, Dairy Queen and Burger King?

You take a royal flush.

Not your dairy insect

An ant was walking around when it found a 5inch ant of his very same species:

- Why are youso big, it asked
- I drink a lot of milk

"Lactose in taller ant"

Where do Cow Farts come from?

The Dairy Air.

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A blonde woman asks a dairy farmer to sell her 40 gallons of milk.

“Certainly, ma’am. Might I ask why you need so much milk?”

The blonde replies: “I’m going to take a bath in it...”

“Ok... no problem” he says. “Do you want it pasteurized?”

“No, just up to my boobs.” She responds. “I can splash it above my eyes.”

Why was the killer obsessed with dairy?

He/she was a Cereal Killer

Whats the difference between a dairy farm and a McDonalds.

You’ll get arrested if you try to milk the cows at McDonalds.

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My father owns a bakery and a dairy farm.

It's his bread and butter.

I was thinking about making a dairy joke

But that would have been a bit too cheesy...

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A woman calls her local dairy, telling them she wants to order enough milk to take a milk bath...

“You want the milk pasteurized?”

“No, just up to my tits.”

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In business news, the makers of "Utterly Butterly" have been knocked off their top spot as the UK's leading brand of dairy spread.

I can't believe they're not bitter.

Don't forget to keep everything in your dairy/pantry a few inches apart...

... We are supposed to be shelf isolating!

Why wasn't the milk invited to the dairy party?

It was too basic.

Today is 3 wks in quarantine w/o sugar. Walking 3 miles a day, no meat, dairy or flour! I feel great! No alcohol & vegan diet! A 2 hr home workout everyday. Lost 14 lbs & gained muscle mass!

I have no idea whose tweet this is but I’m proud of them so I decided to copy & paste it!

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What do a prostitute and a Vegan dairy farmer have in common?

They both make a living milking nuts.

What did Hagrid say to Tinkerbell when she started working at Dairy Queen?

You're a Blizzard fairy!

My dad's favorite story is about how he single-handedly saved a dairy farm from bankruptcy

The story is pretty cheesy, but he milks it for all its worth.

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I have a dairy farm

I have a dairy farm I named Dairy Air.

Now it’s the butt of every joke.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I'm allergic to gluten, dairy, nuts and I'm vegan. What can I get?

**Waiter:** The fuck outta here.

I just inherited a dairy farm

I dont like it but I'm going to milk it for all its worth!!!

My new girlfriend told me she doesn’t eat dairy products.

I said “No whey!”

Once upon a time, Spanish galleon was sent to rescue some farmers and their cows in a settlement...

...they arrived on schedule and picked up the farmers and their cows, which took up half of the cargo hold. As the journey continued, they miked the cows, eventually filling up the remainder of the hold with various dairy products.

Finally, they reached their destination, but before they wer...

What is Thanos' favorite dairy product?

Half and Half

A Sliced Dairy Product

There was once a man named Ani. Ani was a long-time comedian. He had been running both a YouTube and a Twitter account for an entire decade, and did stand-up in bars and comedy clubs. Everywhere he went, he was showered with praise for his originality and dedication. On one 17th of August, however, ...

Why is it risky for kids with dairy allergies to attend Christmas Eve church services?

There's a whey in the manger.

I was in the downtown last night thinking about having a dinner and went to a nearby restaurant. I asked the waiter, "I don't eat eggs, meat, fish, dairy or gluten. What would you recommend?"

He said a taxi.

A young cow runs crying to her mom...

A young cow runs crying to her mom...

"Momma, a bull came down to mate with me!"

Momma: "No need to cry my child. It's perfectly natural."

"But momma he insisted on sucking on my teats because it gets him in the mood!"

"He did What? How dairy!"

I found a church where they include dairy with communion.

They call it "Cheeses of Nazareth"

Milk production at a dairy farm was low, so the farmer wrote to the local university, asking for help from academia.

A multidisciplinary team of professors was assembled, headed by a theoretical physicist, and two weeks of intensive on-site investigation took place. The scholars then returned to the university, notebooks crammed with data, where the task of writing the report was left to the team leader. Shortly t...

A dairy farmer walks in to his feed store and asks the clerk, "Has your product recently changed?"

"Same formula for two decades now" replies the clerk. "Why do you ask? Your cattle not eating?"

"No, it's not that. It's just that their flatulence has become unbearable. It used to not bother me, but it's got to the point that I can't even be in the barn without wearing a respirator."
<...

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Can you believe a man just assaulted me with milk, cream and butter...

How dairy!

"Hey bro, so I just got diagnosed with a dairy allergy."

"No whey, man."

Why don't dairy farmers wear flip flops?

Because they lactose.

I just drove by an abandoned Dairy Queen.

I guess you could say it was *dessert*ed

How do dairy farms do their taxes?

Well, the ones with simple taxes can just use a cowculator, but the ones with real complicated situations have to go to an accowntant.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A dairy farmer decided to boost productivity on his farm so he ordered a high-tech milking machine.

As his wife was out of town when it was delivered, he decided to test it on himself first and see if it gave him any pleasure.

So he inserted his penis into the machine, turned it on, and everything else was automatic.

It didn't take long before he realized the equipment provided him w...

Carol, a blonde city girl, marries a Cornish dairy farmer.

One morning, on his way out to check on the cows, farmer John says to Carol, 'The insemination man is coming over to impregnate one of our cows today. I drove a nail into the rail above the cow's stall in the barn.
You show him where the cow is when he gets here, OK?'
So then the farmer leaves...

I saw a man kicking a gallon of milk down the isle while throwing a big bag of cheese around complaining about the cleanliness of the store and I thought to myself

How dairy.

What do you get when you cross a joke with a celestial Greek dairy product?

Apollo cheese for the punchline.

The dairy farm

A man hears word of a dairy farm that runs a brothel behind the scenes, and decides to go check it out. When he gets there, the old farmer that runs the place informs him of how things work.

Farmer: We're not a brothel in the traditional sense. See, there's a wall over there with 3 holes ...

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A drunk man goes to Dairy Queen.

He walks up to the counter and says to the attendant "I'll have a (hic) banana split, with peanuts."

The attendant realizes he's drunk and rudely asks "sir, do you want your nuts crushed?"

The drunk without missing a beat says, "Hell no, do you want your titty twisted off?!?"

How do dyslexic cows organise their time?

With a dairy

What do you call an Arab who built his wealth by selling dairy products?

A milk-sheikh

Two dairy farmers are walking through the creamery when suddenly one of them slips and falls in a large vat of milk...

...the other one yells angrily, "get out of there, it's pasteurized!"

And the farmer in the vat shouts back, "no it's not......It's only just past my waist!"

What do you call an Epic Cow?

Legend Dairy

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I met a sorceress in the desert once

She told me I could have all the churned dairy products and preserved fruit I could ever want, but first I had to marry her and sign a legally binding agreement that she would get it all back if we ever got divorced

Until that day I'd never believed the legends of the prenup butter and jelly ...

Did you hear about the farmer that failed dairy farming school?

He didn't work well with udders.

Just saw a guy punch a cow in the face

How dairy

My hayfever makes me sneeze like my dairy intolerance makes me fart.

I hate my analogies.

What kind of book does a cow write in?

A dairy.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

How do Japanese people learn to say milk in English?

Dairy practice.

What do you call a dairy cow that doesn't produce milk?

An udder failure

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A Western Omelet

A retired man walks into his favorite diner after it just reopened from a long COVID-19 shuttering, eager to resume his daily routine of breakfast, coffee and reading the newspaper. A new waitress approaches greets him and explains that new contactless policy that eliminates the old plastic laminate...

Finally found out why dairy cows lose their balance so easily

They lactose

My Neighbor is so Dumb

I told her to get prepared because the Blizzard of 2020 is coming.

She started jumping up and down, laughing, and screaming with delight

I said, "Why are you so happy?"

She said, "I love it when Dairy Queen gets new items"

Did you hear about the terrorist attack on the dairy / cow farm?

It was an udder disaster.

A farmer notices his dairy cows aren't producing as much milk as they used to.

So the farmer decides to sell them to the butcher in town. The farmer and the butcher exchange plesantries and start to discuss prices for both cows. The butcher notices a strange smell and asks the farmer if he smells it too. The farmer says that on his way over with the cows his back started to ac...

Sven and Ole are two fictional swedish immigrants who live in Minnesota. They are characters used in jokes. I heard this one from my dad.

Sven is vacationing at his cabin in northern Minnesota and happens to get in line at a Dairy Queen.

An indian (native american) man approaches him and makes a proposition.

Indian Man: Hey I have a deal for you. I will ask you a riddle. If you can answer it I will buy you an ice cream, ...

Did you know you can't go into a Kosher kitchen if you're having an argument with dairy?

Because then you would be having beef with cheese.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Dairy product truck clashed and everything inside went flying out.

That's when I saw butter fly.

Would you believe my protein powder is dairy free?

No whey!

Why is Dairy Queen always in a bad mood?

Because she's married to Mister Softee.

An Arab prince acquires a dairy farm

He's known far and wide as the Milk Sheikh

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Irish county lottery (my step mother's joke)

(Imagine it said with an Irish brogue). Mrs. O'Leary wins the limerick county lottery. All of her friends ask Her what she's going to do with all the money! "A new car?", "A vacation?", " A fur coat?". Mrs. O'Leary tells them all:" Oh no, I've always wanted to have a milk bath like all those famous...

I just found out they made a heart-shaped dairy-lovers pizza

Too cheesy for me though

What's the Wisconsin State Motto?

Come and Smell Our Dairy Air!

So an engineer, a psychologist, and a physicist are called into a dairy farm that is low on production...

They're each given a day to inspect the farm, then they each deliver a thesis on how best to increase production.

The engineer goes first; he says that if each stall is decreased in area by 40 inches, housing capacity could be doubled.

The psychologist then says that if the walls were...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I had such a horrible day at work. Some dick head spilled milk on me. Rude right?

How dairy.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A blonde goes to a dairy farm.

She asks for enough milk to fill a bathtub.
The farmer says, "Do you think you should get the milk from a grocery store, so it will be pasteurized?"
The blonde says, "No. I only want it up to my tits."

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