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A woman calls her local dairy, telling them she wants to order enough milk to take a milk bath...

“You want the milk pasteurized?”

“No, just up to my tits.”

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What happen at after you go to Jack in the box, Dairy Queen and Burger King?

You take a royal flush.

What do you call a Mongolian dairy factory?

A yogyurt

How did Burger King get Dairy Queen pregnant?

He forgot to wrap his whopper

Why are dairy farmers non-monogamous?

They see udders.

Not your dairy insect

An ant was walking around when it found a 5inch ant of his very same species:

- Why are youso big, it asked
- I drink a lot of milk

"Lactose in taller ant"

Why was the killer obsessed with dairy?

He/she was a Cereal Killer

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A blonde woman asks a dairy farmer to sell her 40 gallons of milk.

“Certainly, ma’am. Might I ask why you need so much milk?”

The blonde replies: “I’m going to take a bath in it...”

“Ok... no problem” he says. “Do you want it pasteurized?”

“No, just up to my boobs.” She responds. “I can splash it above my eyes.”

Don't forget to keep everything in your dairy/pantry a few inches apart...

... We are supposed to be shelf isolating!

Today marks 4 weeks of isolation. Been running 2.5 miles a day, drinking 2 gallons of water, cut out ALL meat, sugar, dairy and flour. I feel great! Zero alcohol, a healthy vegan diet, gluten free, caffeine free, sugar free and a 30 minute home workout each day.

I have no idea who originally posted this, but I am really proud of them so I decided to copy & paste!

Where do cow farts come from?

The dairy air.

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My father owns a bakery and a dairy farm.

It's his bread and butter.

Whats the difference between a dairy farm and a McDonalds.

You’ll get arrested if you try to milk the cows at McDonalds.

I was thinking about making a dairy joke

But that would have been a bit too cheesy...

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What do a prostitute and a Vegan dairy farmer have in common?

They both make a living milking nuts.

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I'm allergic to gluten, dairy, nuts and I'm vegan. What can I get?

**Waiter:** The fuck outta here.

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I have a dairy farm

I have a dairy farm I named Dairy Air.

Now it’s the butt of every joke.

What did Hagrid say to Tinkerbell when she started working at Dairy Queen?

You're a Blizzard fairy!

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A Western Omelet

A retired man walks into his favorite diner after it just reopened from a long COVID-19 shuttering, eager to resume his daily routine of breakfast, coffee and reading the newspaper. A new waitress approaches greets him and explains that new contactless policy that eliminates the old plastic laminate...

My dad is a dairy farmer and his dad jokes are terrible

They whey me down as I curd barely take them

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I had such a horrible day at work. Some dick head spilled milk on me. Rude right?

How dairy.

My dad's favorite story is about how he single-handedly saved a dairy farm from bankruptcy

The story is pretty cheesy, but he milks it for all its worth.

I just inherited a dairy farm

I dont like it but I'm going to milk it for all its worth!!!

My new girlfriend told me she doesn’t eat dairy products.

I said “No whey!”

I was in the downtown last night thinking about having a dinner and went to a nearby restaurant. I asked the waiter, "I don't eat eggs, meat, fish, dairy or gluten. What would you recommend?"

He said a taxi.

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How do Japanese people learn to say milk in English?

Dairy practice.

Some guy threw milk at me today.

How dairy.

I found a church where they include dairy with communion.

They call it "Cheeses of Nazareth"

What is Thanos' favorite dairy product?

Half and Half

What is a dyslexic's favorite food group?

I'm not certain, but they seem to write to "Dear Dairy" quite a bit...

Milk production at a dairy farm was low, so the farmer wrote to the local university, asking for help from academia.

A multidisciplinary team of professors was assembled, headed by a theoretical physicist, and two weeks of intensive on-site investigation took place. The scholars then returned to the university, notebooks crammed with data, where the task of writing the report was left to the team leader. Shortly t...

In the year 2045 Elon is tired of importing ice-cream from Earth to the Martian colonies.

The next day he puts a group of dairy cows on a rocket to Mars.

But inter-planetary customs officers make him hold the rocket in orbit while they inspect the cows. Earth leaders don't want to lose the tax revenue from exporting ice-cream and are looking for a reason to reposes his cattle. ...

You know why the 2 piece bathing suit was invented?

To separate the dairy section from meat section...

I was walking down the street the other day minding my own business.

When out of nowhere a man ran up to me and attacked me with some milk and cheese.

How dairy!

Never bring Mark Ruffalo into the dairy Aisle

He'll spoil everything

The neighbors were greedy, selfish, rude, and had come into money from their family's milk farm.

They were dairy heirs.

How do dairy farms do their taxes?

Well, the ones with simple taxes can just use a cowculator, but the ones with real complicated situations have to go to an accowntant.

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A drunk man goes to Dairy Queen.

He walks up to the counter and says to the attendant "I'll have a (hic) banana split, with peanuts."

The attendant realizes he's drunk and rudely asks "sir, do you want your nuts crushed?"

The drunk without missing a beat says, "Hell no, do you want your titty twisted off?!?"

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a list of puns!

Here's a list of puns I've been collecting:

How do you throw a space party? You planet.

How was Rome split in two? With a pair of Ceasars.

Nope. Unintended.

The shovel was a ground breaking invention, but everyone was blow away by the leaf blower.

A scarecrow says,...

A dairy farmer walks in to his feed store and asks the clerk, "Has your product recently changed?"

"Same formula for two decades now" replies the clerk. "Why do you ask? Your cattle not eating?"

"No, it's not that. It's just that their flatulence has become unbearable. It used to not bother me, but it's got to the point that I can't even be in the barn without wearing a respirator."
<...

What do you get when you cross a joke with a celestial Greek dairy product?

Apollo cheese for the punchline.

The dairy farm

A man hears word of a dairy farm that runs a brothel behind the scenes, and decides to go check it out. When he gets there, the old farmer that runs the place informs him of how things work.

Farmer: We're not a brothel in the traditional sense. See, there's a wall over there with 3 holes ...

Here in Wisconsin, we're known as the Dairy State

Or for the lactose intolerant among us, the Diarrhea State

The first animal to be mechanically milked must have been pumped

I know its an old joke, and I'm milking it dry. I just think its dairy funny.

What do you call an Arabic dairy farmer?

A milk sheikh.

"Hey bro, so I just got diagnosed with a dairy allergy."

"No whey, man."

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A dairy farmer decided to boost productivity on his farm so he ordered a high-tech milking machine.

As his wife was out of town when it was delivered, he decided to test it on himself first and see if it gave him any pleasure.

So he inserted his penis into the machine, turned it on, and everything else was automatic.

It didn't take long before he realized the equipment provided him w...

A bull walked up to a cow and boasted that even without an udder he could produce more milk than her.

"How dairy! ? ", thought the cow.

A man threw some milk at my lactose intolerant friend

How Dairy!!!!

Sorry if that was a bit cheesy:)

Two dairy farmers are walking through the creamery when suddenly one of them slips and falls in a large vat of milk...

...the other one yells angrily, "get out of there, it's pasteurized!"

And the farmer in the vat shouts back, "no it's not......It's only just past my waist!"

Carol, a blonde city girl, marries a Cornish dairy farmer.

One morning, on his way out to check on the cows, farmer John says to Carol, 'The insemination man is coming over to impregnate one of our cows today. I drove a nail into the rail above the cow's stall in the barn.
You show him where the cow is when he gets here, OK?'
So then the farmer leaves...

My friend stole cheese from my cheese collection

How dairy

My friend’s house stinks because he lives downwind from a milk processing firm.

Everything smells like dairy air.

I just drove by an abandoned Dairy Queen.

I guess you could say it was *dessert*ed

Why don't dairy farmers wear flip flops?

Because they lactose.

What do you call an Arab who built his wealth by selling dairy products?

A milk-sheikh

Vermont farmer

A texas cattle rancher came to visit a Vermont dairy farm. He gets a tour of the 10 acre farm, and says to the Vermont farmer "This farm aint nothin, my ranch back in texas is so big, it would take us 3 days just to drive my truck around the whole property". The Vermont farmer responds "yup I had a ...

Did you hear about the Midwestern dairy farmers?

Apparently they've begun a new trend of covering their cows' teets with fabric because they felt like their heifers were indecent. It's being called an udder shame.

Did you hear about the farmer that failed dairy farming school?

He didn't work well with udders.

The light switch [true story]

One day, the milkman came to the farm to bring the milk to the factory.
He left a note to my father saying : " the light switch isn't working "
To what my father replied another note : " the light switch doesn't like it gentle "

The dairy man left the last note : " Neither the bake...

Why did the dairy farmer decide not to start growing weed near the cows?

The steaks would be too high

Did you hear about the terrorist attack on the dairy / cow farm?

It was an udder disaster.

My hayfever makes me sneeze like my dairy intolerance makes me fart.

I hate my analogies.

The Soviet Union, 1927

A village is celebrating the anniversary of the revolution. The mayor gives s speech.

"We have accompliced so much during the last ten years! Look at Mikhail Pavlovich, before the revolution he was starving and illiterate. Today he is the best tractor driver in the village!"

People che...

Finally found out why dairy cows lose their balance so easily

They lactose

A farmer notices his dairy cows aren't producing as much milk as they used to.

So the farmer decides to sell them to the butcher in town. The farmer and the butcher exchange plesantries and start to discuss prices for both cows. The butcher notices a strange smell and asks the farmer if he smells it too. The farmer says that on his way over with the cows his back started to ac...

Did you know you can't go into a Kosher kitchen if you're having an argument with dairy?

Because then you would be having beef with cheese.

Would you believe my protein powder is dairy free?

No whey!

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Dairy product truck clashed and everything inside went flying out.

That's when I saw butter fly.

A penguin takes his car to a mechanic

The mechanic tells the penguin it'll be about 30min to diagnose. The penguin decides to go across the street to Dairy Queen. Gets a sundae. Eats the sundae using his flippers like any penguin would... He waddles back across the street to the mechanic's shop. The mechanic says "OH, well it looks...

An Arab prince acquires a dairy farm

He's known far and wide as the Milk Sheikh

Why is Dairy Queen always in a bad mood?

Because she's married to Mister Softee.

I just found out they made a heart-shaped dairy-lovers pizza

Too cheesy for me though

What do you call a girl who makes a lot of breast milk?

Dairy Queen

My friends told me I could never milk a unicorn

After searching for 30 years, I finally found one, and milked it.

It was Legend Dairy

My younger brother took his life 3 years ago. Always a comedian, here’s his cheesiest joke

Farmesan the dairy farmer is feeling bleu because of a string of falls he's been suffering. He calls up his doctor, Dr. Edam JaColby, and tells him "Doc, I'm in so much paineer!"and schedules an appointment. So Farmesan carephilly stumbles over to the clinic. "You mozzarella needed to see me cause y...

What kind of camel throws a hissy fit when you milk it?

A drama dairy.




\[My brother answered "A male one", which might be funnier.\]

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A blonde goes to a dairy farm.

She asks for enough milk to fill a bathtub.
The farmer says, "Do you think you should get the milk from a grocery store, so it will be pasteurized?"
The blonde says, "No. I only want it up to my tits."

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What do you call a lactose intolerant pornstar...

A non-dairy creamer.

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A thief walked into a shop

I saw a thief walk into a shop and steal milk and butter.

How dairy

So an engineer, a psychologist, and a physicist are called into a dairy farm that is low on production...

They're each given a day to inspect the farm, then they each deliver a thesis on how best to increase production.

The engineer goes first; he says that if each stall is decreased in area by 40 inches, housing capacity could be doubled.

The psychologist then says that if the walls were...

Trump just banned the import of any European cheese into America

How dairy.

Vegans don't beat their meat

They beat their "0% dairy all organic tofu"

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