How did Dairy Queen get pregnant?

Burger King didn’t put a wrapper on his Whopper.



Funny in 3rd grade, still funny now.

So, this dairy farmer takes his son out to learn about milking for the first time.

After he shows how to pull on the udders and fill the bucket, he says, "Now son, we have to dip your head in the milk to make it safe to drink."
The boy is confused and asks, "You've gotta dunk my whole head in the milk to be safe, Pa?"
The dairy farmer says, "No, son, no..."

"Just past...

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What happen at after you go to Jack in the box, Dairy Queen and Burger King?

You take a royal flush.

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In business news, the makers of "Utterly Butterly" have been knocked off their top spot as the UK's leading brand of dairy spread.

I can't believe they're not bitter.

Why are dairy farmers non-monogamous?

They see udders.

Not your dairy insect

An ant was walking around when it found a 5inch ant of his very same species:

- Why are youso big, it asked
- I drink a lot of milk

"Lactose in taller ant"

Why was the killer obsessed with dairy?

He/she was a Cereal Killer

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Can you believe a man just assaulted me with milk, cream and butter...

How dairy!

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A blonde woman asks a dairy farmer to sell her 40 gallons of milk.

“Certainly, ma’am. Might I ask why you need so much milk?”

The blonde replies: “I’m going to take a bath in it...”

“Ok... no problem” he says. “Do you want it pasteurized?”

“No, just up to my boobs.” She responds. “I can splash it above my eyes.”

Why wasn't the milk invited to the dairy party?

It was too basic.

Some guy threw a gallon of milk at my head

How dairy

Don't forget to keep everything in your dairy/pantry a few inches apart...

... We are supposed to be shelf isolating!

Today is 3 wks in quarantine w/o sugar. Walking 3 miles a day, no meat, dairy or flour! I feel great! No alcohol & vegan diet! A 2 hr home workout everyday. Lost 14 lbs & gained muscle mass!

I have no idea whose tweet this is but I’m proud of them so I decided to copy & paste it!

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My father owns a bakery and a dairy farm.

It's his bread and butter.

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A woman calls her local dairy, telling them she wants to order enough milk to take a milk bath...

“You want the milk pasteurized?”

“No, just up to my tits.”

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I met a sorceress in the desert once

She told me I could have all the churned dairy products and preserved fruit I could ever want, but first I had to marry her and sign a legally binding agreement that she would get it all back if we ever got divorced

Until that day I'd never believed the legends of the prenup butter and jelly ...

What do you call an Epic Cow?

Legend Dairy

Just saw a guy punch a cow in the face

How dairy

Whats the difference between a dairy farm and a McDonalds.

You’ll get arrested if you try to milk the cows at McDonalds.

What do you call a cow’s fart?

Dairy air.

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What do a prostitute and a Vegan dairy farmer have in common?

They both make a living milking nuts.

What kind of book does a cow write in?

A dairy.

Cow farts come from

The dairy air.

I'll see myself out.

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I'm allergic to gluten, dairy, nuts and I'm vegan. What can I get?

**Waiter:** The fuck outta here.

I was thinking about making a dairy joke

But that would have been a bit too cheesy...

As a member of the dairy industry we're in quite a hard spot today after Joaquin Phoenix's Oscar speech

I mean when he goes missing do we put his picture on our cartons?

What did Hagrid say to Tinkerbell when she started working at Dairy Queen?

You're a Blizzard fairy!

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I have a dairy farm

I have a dairy farm I named Dairy Air.

Now it’s the butt of every joke.

My dad's favorite story is about how he single-handedly saved a dairy farm from bankruptcy

The story is pretty cheesy, but he milks it for all its worth.

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Irish county lottery (my step mother's joke)

(Imagine it said with an Irish brogue). Mrs. O'Leary wins the limerick county lottery. All of her friends ask Her what she's going to do with all the money! "A new car?", "A vacation?", " A fur coat?". Mrs. O'Leary tells them all:" Oh no, I've always wanted to have a milk bath like all those famous...

I just inherited a dairy farm

I dont like it but I'm going to milk it for all its worth!!!

A Sliced Dairy Product

There was once a man named Ani. Ani was a long-time comedian. He had been running both a YouTube and a Twitter account for an entire decade, and did stand-up in bars and comedy clubs. Everywhere he went, he was showered with praise for his originality and dedication. On one 17th of August, however, ...

What's the Wisconsin State Motto?

Come and Smell Our Dairy Air!

Why is it risky for kids with dairy allergies to attend Christmas Eve church services?

There's a whey in the manger.

My new girlfriend told me she doesn’t eat dairy products.

I said “No whey!”

What is Thanos' favorite dairy product?

Half and Half

I was in the downtown last night thinking about having a dinner and went to a nearby restaurant. I asked the waiter, "I don't eat eggs, meat, fish, dairy or gluten. What would you recommend?"

He said a taxi.

Sven and Ole are two fictional swedish immigrants who live in Minnesota. They are characters used in jokes. I heard this one from my dad.

Sven is vacationing at his cabin in northern Minnesota and happens to get in line at a Dairy Queen.

An indian (native american) man approaches him and makes a proposition.

Indian Man: Hey I have a deal for you. I will ask you a riddle. If you can answer it I will buy you an ice cream, ...

I found a church where they include dairy with communion.

They call it "Cheeses of Nazareth"

Milk production at a dairy farm was low, so the farmer wrote to the local university, asking for help from academia.

A multidisciplinary team of professors was assembled, headed by a theoretical physicist, and two weeks of intensive on-site investigation took place. The scholars then returned to the university, notebooks crammed with data, where the task of writing the report was left to the team leader. Shortly t...

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A Western Omelet

A retired man walks into his favorite diner after it just reopened from a long COVID-19 shuttering, eager to resume his daily routine of breakfast, coffee and reading the newspaper. A new waitress approaches greets him and explains that new contactless policy that eliminates the old plastic laminate...

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A man wants to impress a girl, so he asks his friend to help him make a legendary meal.

His friend agrees, and they get the candle-lit table all set up. The man brings his girl in, pulls out her chair, then takes his seat. The friend then sweeps out, and presents... a bowl full of chicken drumsticks and a couple of glasses of milk.

The man is shocked, and makes a quick excuse be...

Never bring Mark Ruffalo into the dairy Aisle

He'll spoil everything

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How do Japanese people learn to say milk in English?

Dairy practice.

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I had such a horrible day at work. Some dick head spilled milk on me. Rude right?

How dairy.

A dairy farmer walks in to his feed store and asks the clerk, "Has your product recently changed?"

"Same formula for two decades now" replies the clerk. "Why do you ask? Your cattle not eating?"

"No, it's not that. It's just that their flatulence has become unbearable. It used to not bother me, but it's got to the point that I can't even be in the barn without wearing a respirator."
<...

"Hey bro, so I just got diagnosed with a dairy allergy."

"No whey, man."

In the year 2045 Elon is tired of importing ice-cream from Earth to the Martian colonies.

The next day he puts a group of dairy cows on a rocket to Mars.

But inter-planetary customs officers make him hold the rocket in orbit while they inspect the cows. Earth leaders don't want to lose the tax revenue from exporting ice-cream and are looking for a reason to reposes his cattle. ...

I just drove by an abandoned Dairy Queen.

I guess you could say it was *dessert*ed

How do dairy farms do their taxes?

Well, the ones with simple taxes can just use a cowculator, but the ones with real complicated situations have to go to an accowntant.

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A drunk man goes to Dairy Queen.

He walks up to the counter and says to the attendant "I'll have a (hic) banana split, with peanuts."

The attendant realizes he's drunk and rudely asks "sir, do you want your nuts crushed?"

The drunk without missing a beat says, "Hell no, do you want your titty twisted off?!?"

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A dairy farmer decided to boost productivity on his farm so he ordered a high-tech milking machine.

As his wife was out of town when it was delivered, he decided to test it on himself first and see if it gave him any pleasure.

So he inserted his penis into the machine, turned it on, and everything else was automatic.

It didn't take long before he realized the equipment provided him w...

What do you get when you cross a joke with a celestial Greek dairy product?

Apollo cheese for the punchline.

The dairy farm

A man hears word of a dairy farm that runs a brothel behind the scenes, and decides to go check it out. When he gets there, the old farmer that runs the place informs him of how things work.

Farmer: We're not a brothel in the traditional sense. See, there's a wall over there with 3 holes ...

Carol, a blonde city girl, marries a Cornish dairy farmer.

One morning, on his way out to check on the cows, farmer John says to Carol, 'The insemination man is coming over to impregnate one of our cows today. I drove a nail into the rail above the cow's stall in the barn.
You show him where the cow is when he gets here, OK?'
So then the farmer leaves...

Two dairy farmers are walking through the creamery when suddenly one of them slips and falls in a large vat of milk...

...the other one yells angrily, "get out of there, it's pasteurized!"

And the farmer in the vat shouts back, "no it's not......It's only just past my waist!"

You know why the 2 piece bathing suit was invented?

To separate the dairy section from meat section...

Why don't dairy farmers wear flip flops?

Because they lactose.

What do you call an Arabic dairy farmer?

A milk sheikh.

What do you call an Arab who built his wealth by selling dairy products?

A milk-sheikh

What is a dyslexic's favorite food group?

I'm not certain, but they seem to write to "Dear Dairy" quite a bit...

Smartphones are a lot like dairy cows...

They become more valuable with increased mammary space.

Did you hear about the Midwestern dairy farmers?

Apparently they've begun a new trend of covering their cows' teets with fabric because they felt like their heifers were indecent. It's being called an udder shame.

I was walking down the street the other day minding my own business.

When out of nowhere a man ran up to me and attacked me with some milk and cheese.

How dairy!

Did you hear about the farmer that failed dairy farming school?

He didn't work well with udders.

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a list of puns!

Here's a list of puns I've been collecting:

How do you throw a space party? You planet.

How was Rome split in two? With a pair of Ceasars.

Nope. Unintended.

The shovel was a ground breaking invention, but everyone was blow away by the leaf blower.

A scarecrow says,...

My hayfever makes me sneeze like my dairy intolerance makes me fart.

I hate my analogies.

The first animal to be mechanically milked must have been pumped

I know its an old joke, and I'm milking it dry. I just think its dairy funny.

Why did the dairy farmer decide not to start growing weed near the cows?

The steaks would be too high

The neighbors were greedy, selfish, rude, and had come into money from their family's milk farm.

They were dairy heirs.

What do you call a dairy cow that doesn't produce milk?

An udder failure

Finally found out why dairy cows lose their balance so easily

They lactose

My vegetarian girlfriend started a diet where she has cut out gluten, dairy, and preservatives.

It’s not all that bad though, because recently she’s been eating more nuts.

Did you hear about the terrorist attack on the dairy / cow farm?

It was an udder disaster.

A farmer notices his dairy cows aren't producing as much milk as they used to.

So the farmer decides to sell them to the butcher in town. The farmer and the butcher exchange plesantries and start to discuss prices for both cows. The butcher notices a strange smell and asks the farmer if he smells it too. The farmer says that on his way over with the cows his back started to ac...

A man threw some milk at my lactose intolerant friend

How Dairy!!!!

Sorry if that was a bit cheesy:)

A bull walked up to a cow and boasted that even without an udder he could produce more milk than her.

"How dairy! ? ", thought the cow.

Did you know you can't go into a Kosher kitchen if you're having an argument with dairy?

Because then you would be having beef with cheese.

How was the Dutch dairy farmer caught up in a brawl?

He was gouda'd into it.

My friend stole cheese from my cheese collection

How dairy

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Dairy product truck clashed and everything inside went flying out.

That's when I saw butter fly.

My friend’s house stinks because he lives downwind from a milk processing firm.

Everything smells like dairy air.

Why is Dairy Queen always in a bad mood?

Because she's married to Mister Softee.

An Arab prince acquires a dairy farm

He's known far and wide as the Milk Sheikh

I just found out they made a heart-shaped dairy-lovers pizza

Too cheesy for me though

Vermont farmer

A texas cattle rancher came to visit a Vermont dairy farm. He gets a tour of the 10 acre farm, and says to the Vermont farmer "This farm aint nothin, my ranch back in texas is so big, it would take us 3 days just to drive my truck around the whole property". The Vermont farmer responds "yup I had a ...

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A blonde goes to a dairy farm.

She asks for enough milk to fill a bathtub.
The farmer says, "Do you think you should get the milk from a grocery store, so it will be pasteurized?"
The blonde says, "No. I only want it up to my tits."

So an engineer, a psychologist, and a physicist are called into a dairy farm that is low on production...

They're each given a day to inspect the farm, then they each deliver a thesis on how best to increase production.

The engineer goes first; he says that if each stall is decreased in area by 40 inches, housing capacity could be doubled.

The psychologist then says that if the walls were...

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