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Dairy Jokes

My uncle was taking our picture at a dairy farm in Wisconsin when he was crushed by a giant wheel of cheese.

We tried to warn him.

What do you call a wizard who specializes in dairy based magic?

A lactomancer.

Dear dairy:

I have dislexya.

If Cinderella had been a dairy maid she would have been called...

Mozzarella!

An old man shuffled into a dairy bar

He got slowly and painfully up onto a stool. He ordered a banana split. The waitress asked, “Crushed nuts?” “No, arthritis.”

Two dairy farmers are in a bar talking shop.

Dairy farmer 1: I’ve discovered a method of making cheese that results in 100% curds.

Dairy farmer 2: no whey!

Scientists say that talking to dairy cows helps them to produce more milk

>!It's in one ear and out the udder!<

I tried to eat dairy free for a month, but it only worked at my Mom's house.

Everywhere else, they charge for it.

You hear about the kid who lost the spelling bee on the word "dairy"?

...I told him there's no use crying over misspelled milk.

How did Burger King get Dairy Queen Pregnant?

He forgot to wrap his whopper!

What did they call the arab dairy farmer who became the chief?

A milk sheikh



Figured I had 6 min for my cake day, and for some reason that was the joke that popped in my head

A guy limped into a Dairy Queen and ordered a banana split.

The attendant began to make it for him and said "Crushed nuts?" And the guy said, No, I just have a bad knee."

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A man just assaulted me with milk, cream and butter.

How dairy.

What is another name for a cow's fart?

Dairy air from a derriere.

Dear Dairy,

Stop telling everyone I'm dyslexic every time I write you these letters!

-Joe

Carol, a blonde city girl, marries a Cornish dairy farmer.

One morning, on his way out to check on the cows, farmer John says to Carol, 'The insemination man is coming over to impregnate one of our cows today. I drove a nail into the rail above the cow's stall in the barn.
You show him where the cow is when he gets here, OK?'
So then the farmer leaves...

A Dairy Farmer got into the healthy Oat Milk business.

He *barley* made ends meet.

Me and my brother drove past a dairy farm...

He said none of the cows were males and I told him "That's a bunch of Bull"

Not your dairy insect

An ant was walking around when it found a 5inch ant of his very same species:

- Why are youso big, it asked
- I drink a lot of milk

"Lactose in taller ant"

What is the dairy farmer’s favorite Disney movie?

Moo-ana

A young blind man is staring vacantly at the dairy aisle at the grocers.

A staff member comes up and asks if she can help him.

“Yes, ma’am. Can you tell me what milk is?” She seems perplexed but answers “well, milk is a white drink.”

“Ahh, now I know what a drink is… but what is white?” The woman is further unsure of the whole situation but thinks and says ...

Why are dairy farmers non-monogamous?

They see udders.

Dairy Queen should have had a Harry Potter promotion.

You're a blizzard Dairy.

Why don't dairy farmers wear flip flops?

Because they lactose.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A woman calls her local dairy, telling them she wants to order enough milk to take a milk bath...

“You want the milk pasteurized?”

“No, just up to my tits.”

I just inherited a dairy farm

I dont like it but I'm going to milk it for all its worth!!!

What do you call a ship carrying dairy cows?

A Galleon of Milk

It is really tough being a dairy farmer.

You make money by the skim of your teat!

What did the dairy farmers say when they saw godzilla?

Muenster!!!

I just drove by an abandoned Dairy Queen.

I guess you could say it was *dessert*ed

What is Thanos' favorite dairy product?

Half and Half

Why was the killer obsessed with dairy?

He/she was a Cereal Killer

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

My buddy tracked down his long lost father and arranged to meet him at a dairy queen.

He got there and they started to hit it off.

Everything was going really well, they were bonding and getting to know each other.

Then my buddy’s dad explained how he lost both his feet during the war.

My buddy lost his shit, went crazy, started throwing things and was thrown o...

The dairy farm

A man hears word of a dairy farm that runs a brothel behind the scenes, and decides to go check it out. When he gets there, the old farmer that runs the place informs him of how things work.

Farmer: We're not a brothel in the traditional sense. See, there's a wall over there with 3 holes ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

My father owns a bakery and a dairy farm.

It's his bread and butter.

Got fired from my new job at the dairy factory for making 1% milk the wrong way...

...instead of following the directions exactly, I just skimmed them.

Did you hear about the farmer that failed dairy farming school?

He didn't work well with udders.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What happen at after you go to Jack in the box, Dairy Queen and Burger King?

You take a royal flush.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I have a dairy farm

I have a dairy farm I named Dairy Air.

Now it’s the butt of every joke.

Whats the difference between a dairy farm and a McDonalds.

You’ll get arrested if you try to milk the cows at McDonalds.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A blonde woman asks a dairy farmer to sell her 40 gallons of milk.

“Certainly, ma’am. Might I ask why you need so much milk?”

The blonde replies: “I’m going to take a bath in it...”

“Ok... no problem” he says. “Do you want it pasteurized?”

“No, just up to my boobs.” She responds. “I can splash it above my eyes.”

What do you call a Mongolian dairy factory?

A yogyurt

The lobby of my local Dairy Queen was closed due to short staff.

They should've hired taller employees


(Joke brought to you by my 9yo sister)

My new girlfriend told me she doesn’t eat dairy products.

I said “No whey!”

Why wasn't the milk invited to the dairy party?

It was too basic.

I found a church where they include dairy with communion.

They call it "Cheeses of Nazareth"

What dairy product is the most revered?

Swiss cheese, after all it's the holeist!

How do dairy farms do their taxes?

Well, the ones with simple taxes can just use a cowculator, but the ones with real complicated situations have to go to an accowntant.

What did Hagrid say to Tinkerbell when she started working at Dairy Queen?

You're a Blizzard fairy!

So, this dairy farmer takes his son out to learn about milking for the first time.

After he shows how to pull on the udders and fill the bucket, he says, "Now son, we have to dip your head in the milk to make it safe to drink."
The boy is confused and asks, "You've gotta dunk my whole head in the milk to be safe, Pa?"
The dairy farmer says, "No, son, no..."

"Just past...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What do a prostitute and a Vegan dairy farmer have in common?

They both make a living milking nuts.

Dear Dairy

There sure are a lot of cows around here.

Did you hear about the Midwestern dairy farmers?

Apparently they've begun a new trend of covering their cows' teets with fabric because they felt like their heifers were indecent. It's being called an udder shame.

A dairy farmer walks in to his feed store and asks the clerk, "Has your product recently changed?"

"Same formula for two decades now" replies the clerk. "Why do you ask? Your cattle not eating?"

"No, it's not that. It's just that their flatulence has become unbearable. It used to not bother me, but it's got to the point that I can't even be in the barn without wearing a respirator."
<...

Don't forget to keep everything in your dairy/pantry a few inches apart...

... We are supposed to be shelf isolating!

"Hey bro, so I just got diagnosed with a dairy allergy."

"No whey, man."

My dad's favorite story is about how he single-handedly saved a dairy farm from bankruptcy

The story is pretty cheesy, but he milks it for all its worth.

An Arab prince acquires a dairy farm

He's known far and wide as the Milk Sheikh

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A blonde goes to a dairy farm.

She asks for enough milk to fill a bathtub.
The farmer says, "Do you think you should get the milk from a grocery store, so it will be pasteurized?"
The blonde says, "No. I only want it up to my tits."

Why is Dairy Queen always in a bad mood?

Because she's married to Mister Softee.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Dairy product truck clashed and everything inside went flying out.

That's when I saw butter fly.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A dairy farmer decided to boost productivity on his farm so he ordered a high-tech milking machine.

As his wife was out of town when it was delivered, he decided to test it on himself first and see if it gave him any pleasure.

So he inserted his penis into the machine, turned it on, and everything else was automatic.

It didn't take long before he realized the equipment provided him w...

Finally found out why dairy cows lose their balance so easily

They lactose

What do you call a cow in high heels and tiara?

Dairy Queen

What is the dairy farmer's favorite exercise?

Calf Raises.

[Long] A family of four decides city life doesn’t suit their style anymore

So they sell their house in the suburbs and buy a dairy-cow ranch. After a week or so, the dad and 2 sons are out mending the fences, when their neighbor comes driving up the road and stops to introduce himself.

“How y’all doin? The name’s Al, friends call me Big Al. Are you folks new to the ...

I just found out they made a heart-shaped dairy-lovers pizza

Too cheesy for me though

Where do milk farts come from?

Your dairy-air.

My hayfever makes me sneeze like my dairy intolerance makes me fart.

I hate my analogies.

Did you hear about the terrorist attack on the dairy / cow farm?

It was an udder disaster.

What do you get when you cross a joke with a celestial Greek dairy product?

Apollo cheese for the punchline.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

In business news, the makers of "Utterly Butterly" have been knocked off their top spot as the UK's leading brand of dairy spread.

I can't believe they're not bitter.

What are milk farmers attracted to?

A nice dairy air.

Why did the dairy farmer decide not to start growing weed near the cows?

The steaks would be too high

What's the favorite dairy product of Wall Street executives?

1% milk

My brother just threw a milk carton at me

How dairy.

An evangelical dairy farmer stopped by my house on Sunday

He wanted to talk about Cheeses.

My vegetarian girlfriend started a diet where she has cut out gluten, dairy, and preservatives.

It’s not all that bad though, because recently she’s been eating more nuts.

was at a restaurant the other day and overheard this conversation. Customer: "I don't eat honey, eggs, cheese, dairy or any meat products. What can I get?"

Waiter: "You can get the hell out of here"

Milk production at a dairy farm was low, so the farmer wrote to the local university, asking for help from academia.

A multidisciplinary team of professors was assembled, headed by a theoretical physicist, and two weeks of intensive on-site investigation took place. The scholars then returned to the university, notebooks crammed with data, where the task of writing the report was left to the team leader. Shortly t...

A dairy farmer runs into his neighbor at the feed store...

"How's everything going?" the neighbor asks.

"Not too bad" the farmer replies, "but a couple of of my cows have had terrible flatulence lately; the smell is almost too much to bear."

The neighbor laughs, "I know what you mean. A few years ago one of my horses had the very same problem...

Met my first Mandalorian today

He was a Wisconsin dairy farmer, took me on a tour of a Mando dairy. First, he showed me the snack curd-making facility, then pointed and said,

“This is the whey.”

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A man is rushed into the ER with a golf club wrapped around his neck

He has also been beaten horribly about the head and face. The ER doctor says, "My God man! What happened to you?" Through broken teeth the patient tells his story. "My wife and I and another couple went out for a round of golf. We went to that new course by the dairy farm out on highway 12. Well, we...

A farmer notices his dairy cows aren't producing as much milk as they used to.

So the farmer decides to sell them to the butcher in town. The farmer and the butcher exchange plesantries and start to discuss prices for both cows. The butcher notices a strange smell and asks the farmer if he smells it too. The farmer says that on his way over with the cows his back started to ac...

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