I'm fine..

A farmer named Paddy had a car accident. He was hit by a truck owned by the Eversweet Company.
In court, the Eversweet Company's hot-shot solicitor was questioning Paddy.

'Didn't you say to the police at the scene of the accident, 'I'm fine?' asked the solicitor?
Paddy responded: 'Well,...

Why do cow-milking stools only have three legs?

The cow’s got the udder.

A bull walked up to a cow and boasted that even without an udder he could produce more milk than her.

"How dairy! ? ", thought the cow.

What did the bull say to the milkman, when he tried milking him?

take the udder one!

A farm was bombed and only one cow survived.

All the udders died.

Some guy just threw a gallon of milk at me!

How dairy

This was udderly dumb, I should stop milking this

Two farmers are sitting in a bar, feeling sad.

"I've had a horrible week," said Farmer Brown. "My tractor broke last week, and I have tried to buy a new one, but no one is selling a tractor at a reasonable price."

"Let me tell you something that happened yesterday," said Farmer Gray. "Yesterday I went into my barn to milk the meanest cow ...

Just watched the news and a guy in the UK proposed to his wife with the ring on the udder of a cow.

How dairy.

Did you hear about the Midwestern dairy farmers? Apparently they've begun a new trend of covering their cows' teets with fabric because they felt like their heifers were indecent.

It's Being Called An Udder Shame.

How often do Jamaican farmers milk their cows?

Every udder day

Cows are amazing

Studies show that cows produce more milk when the farmers talk to them.

It's a case of in one ear and out the udder.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What do you call a cow...

...w/ no legs? Ground beef.

...w/ 1 leg? Stake.

...w/ 2 legs? Lean beef.

...w/ 3 legs? Tri-tip.

...w/ 4 legs? A cow, you dummy.

...w/ 4 legs in the air? High stakes.

...w/ 5 legs? Chernobull.

...w/ no hind legs? An udder drag.

...w/ a twitch? B...

Took me 4 times the usual to milk a cow today.

He only had one udder, which was strange.

What do you call it when you’re milking a cow, and the milk goes everywhere but in the bucket?

Udder chaos

What do you call a suicidal lacotose-intollerant person?

A danger to themselves and udders

So, this dairy farmer takes his son out to learn about milking for the first time.

After he shows how to pull on the udders and fill the bucket, he says, "Now son, we have to dip your head in the milk to make it safe to drink."
The boy is confused and asks, "You've gotta dunk my whole head in the milk to be safe, Pa?"
The dairy farmer says, "No, son, no..."

"Just past...

Did u hear about the cow that jumped over a barbed wire fence?

It was udder destruction

Never tell a cow a joke

It’ll just go in through one ear and out through the udders.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I like how boobs are called differently for some women

Like it's called udder for your mom




^i'm ^sorry

A friend of mine is afraid of cows

He lives his life in udder fear.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Joe was an observant young man. NSFW

He observed a calf sucking on its mother's nipple.
He further observed that the nipple was shaped much like a penis.
When he had the opportunity to do so he stuck his penis in front of a hungry calf's mouth.
He then observed the calf suck his penis in the same manner that it sucked its moth...

Do you know the story behind Indians worshipping cows ?

Me neither but I've heard it's an udderly fantastic tale !

Why are dairy farmers non-monogamous?

They see udders.

In Minnesota, it gets so cold...

...that you can eat softserve directly from the udder!

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

The Milking Machine

A farmer ordered a high-tech milking machine.

It happened that the equipment arrived when his wife was away, so he decided to test it on himself first. He inserted his penis into the equipment, turned the switch on and voila, everything else was automatic!!

He really had a good time be...

Did you hear about the milk incident at the farm?

It was udderly disgusting

I used to be a work on a ranch that kept cows and bulls,

but the pay was udderly terribull.

Cow jokes, if you're in the mooOoood....

What do you call a cow with two short legs?


Lean beef.



What do you call a cow with no legs?

Ground beef.



Why did the cow get an award?

It was out standing in the field.



What do you call a cow after an abortion?
Decalfeinat...

Why did the cow cross the road?

To get to the udder side

Why didn't the cow laugh at my joke?

He wasn't very amoosed because it was udderly lacking in humor, he had herd it before, it wasn't very mooving, it was cheesy and I milked the punchline a bit too much. Definitely wasn't moosic to his ears.
He still gave me a pat on the back though, which put me in a better moood.

I was at...

Do you know what happened to the cow that was lifted into the air by a tornado?

It was an udder disaster.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I really hate my man boobs.

I have an udder resolve to get rid of them.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A farmer is tired of milking his cows,

So one day, when he sees an advertisement for an automatic cow milker, he immediately orders it.

Two weeks later, when his wife is out buying groceries, the package arrives. The farmer, feeling very horny, opens it up, immediately sticks his dick into it, and turns it on.

The orgasm he...

I thought about reposting a cow joke...

But what's the point? I see it here every udder day

Cow without teats

udder nonsense

A cow walks into a milk bar.

and no one uddered a word

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I dont like milk

It tastes like udder piss.

What did the father cow say to his daughter, when she came home late yet again?

You are an UDDER disappointment to this family young lady!

(I hit the spoiler on my last post, so just decided to remake it, sorry for the double post).

My friend got fired from his cow milking job because of his erratic behavior.

He was considered to be a danger to himself and udders.

Milk, cheese and yogurt may be different products

But their origins are udderly similar.

Steer clear if you don't like cow puns

Why are cows the most forgiving animals?
Because forgiveness is bovine.
Alternatively: because they're always ready to turn the udder cheek.

Why is it best to hug a cow right after it eats?
Because then it's extra cuddly.

I knew this guy whose favorite thing was to cover a ...

Did you hear about the fly that entered a cow's ear and ended up in milk pail the next morning?

It went into one ear and out the udder.

How did the cow feel walking through a field of wheat?

Udderly tickled.

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