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Udder Jokes

A farmer named Paddy had a car accident. He was hit by a truck owned by the Eversweet Company. In court, the Eversweet Company's hot-shot solicitor was questioning Paddy.

'Didn't you say to the police at the scene of the accident, 'I'm fine?' asked the solicitor.
Paddy responded: 'Well, I'll tell you what happened. I'd just loaded my fav'rit cow, Bessie, into da... '

'I didn't ask for any details', the solicitor interrupted. 'Just answer the question. Did...

What do you call a cow that's stopped producing milk?

An udder failure.

Why does a milking stool only have three legs?

Because the cow has the udder.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

An old farmer ordered a high-tech milking machine.

It so happened that the equipment arrived when his wife was away. He decided to test it on himself first. He inserted his penis into the equipment, turned the switch on and voila, everything else was automatic!
He really had a good time as the equipment provided him with much pleasure. When the f...

A farmer was milking his cow

At one point, he noticed a fly buzzing in the cows' ear.

Shortly after the farmer looked down at the bucket and noticed a fly swimming in the milk.

"Huh," said the farmer. "In one ear, out the udder."

What do you call a cow who is severely mentally ill?

Udderly Insane.

I was driving home from work down the highway, when I spotted a cow with 12 udders..

Sounds funny, doesn’t tit?

A cowboy approaches this farmer and asks for a job...

... The farmer tells the cowboy that he has no vacancies - yet if the cowboy could do something special, he might consider.
The cowboy says: „Well, sir, I understand animals.“
„Ha,“ the farmer says, „how many times have I heard that before…“
In this moment, a cow moos from behind a s...

What do you call a cow jumping over a barbed wire fence?

Udder destruction.

I tried to collect some wool and milk from my farm and the animals went crazy.

It was shear and udder panic.

How do cows forgive each other?

They turn the udder cheek.

My friend doesn't know how to milk a cow

he's udderly ignorant

What sound does a cow make when it runs out of milk?

None. There is udder silence.

Years ago, I was a big city boy preaching in a small country town.

I wanted to learn everything "country" so that I could fit in. As I was
searching for Widow Jones' farm, I got lost on the back roads.
I saw a farmer walking into his barn so I stopped for directions.
He was just beginning to milk his cow but took time out to tell me
how to get to the J...

Scientists say that talking to dairy cows helps them to produce more milk

>!It's in one ear and out the udder!<

What did the anxious cow say to themself to keep moving forward.

It's just one step in front of the udder.

A bull walked up to a cow and boasted that even without an udder he could produce more milk than her.

"How dairy! ? ", thought the cow.

A Shinola salesman visits a farmer...

...the farmer is hard at work milking a cow but let's him give his pitch. After the salesman finishes, he asks the farmer if he knows what time it is. The farmer grabs the cows udder, lifts it and looks under the cow and says, "well, I reckon it's quarter to nine."

The salesman is dumbfounded...

Why didn't the cow laugh at my joke?

He wasn't very amoosed because it was udderly lacking in humor, he had herd it before, it wasn't very mooving, it was cheesy and I milked the punchline a bit too much. Definitely wasn't moosic to his ears.
He still gave me a pat on the back though, which put me in a better moood.

I was at...

Just watched the news and a guy in the UK proposed to his wife with the ring on the udder of a cow.

How dairy.

Why did the cow cross the road?

To get to the udder side.

I don't think that milk comes from cows

My friends say I'm just in udder disbelief

Why do cow-milking stools only have three legs?

The cow’s got the udder.

What happens if a cow drinks her own milk?

It goes in one end and out the udder.

What happened when the cows escaped from the paddock?

Udder Chaos!

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What do you call a cow...

...w/ no legs? Ground beef.

...w/ 1 leg? Stake.

...w/ 2 legs? Lean beef.

...w/ 3 legs? Tri-tip.

...w/ 4 legs? A cow, you dummy.

...w/ 4 legs in the air? High stakes.

...w/ 5 legs? Chernobull.

...w/ no hind legs? An udder drag.

...w/ a twitch? B...

How do you get milk and eggs if all you have is chickens?

You get the eggs from the first chicken. Then you get the milk from the udder chicken.

I tried raising cows, but they didn’t produce any milk.

Needless to say, my venture was an udder failure.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A farmer is tired of milking his cows,

So one day, when he sees an advertisement for an automatic cow milker, he immediately orders it.

Two weeks later, when his wife is out buying groceries, the package arrives. The farmer, feeling very horny, opens it up, immediately sticks his dick into it, and turns it on.

The orgasm he...

Two farmers are sitting in a bar, feeling sad.

"I've had a horrible week," said Farmer Brown. "My tractor broke last week, and I have tried to buy a new one, but no one is selling a tractor at a reasonable price."

"Let me tell you something that happened yesterday," said Farmer Gray. "Yesterday I went into my barn to milk the meanest cow ...

A friend of mine is afraid of cows

He lives his life in udder fear.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Funny.

A labourer applies for a job on a farm.

The farmer asked him if he had experience and what he was particularly good at.

The labourer gave him his CV and said that he could actually communicate with animals.

The farmer wanted to test him and took him to the chicken shed.

O...

What did the bull say to the milkman, when he tried milking him?

take the udder one!

A farm was bombed and only one cow survived.

All the udders died.

Took me 4 times the usual to milk a cow today.

He only had one udder, which was strange.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I like how boobs are called differently for some women

Like it's called udder for your mom




^i'm ^sorry

Did you hear about the Midwestern dairy farmers? Apparently they've begun a new trend of covering their cows' teets with fabric because they felt like their heifers were indecent.

It's Being Called An Udder Shame.

Apparently there's a support group for cows who have trouble producing milk.

The cows go, talk about their feelings and build each udder up.

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