A farmer named Paddy had a car accident. He was hit by a truck owned by the Eversweet Company. In court, the Eversweet Company's hot-shot solicitor was questioning Paddy.

'Didn't you say to the police at the scene of the accident, 'I'm fine?' asked the solicitor.
Paddy responded: 'Well, I'll tell you what happened. I'd just loaded my fav'rit cow, Bessie, into da... '

'I didn't ask for any details', the solicitor interrupted. 'Just answer the question. Did...

A bull walked up to a cow and boasted that even without an udder he could produce more milk than her.

"How dairy! ? ", thought the cow.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I like how boobs are called differently for some women

Like it's called udder for your mom




^i'm ^sorry

Why does a milking stool only have three legs?

Because the cow had the udder.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Joe was an observant young man. NSFW

He observed a calf sucking on its mother's nipple.
He further observed that the nipple was shaped much like a penis.
When he had the opportunity to do so he stuck his penis in front of a hungry calf's mouth.
He then observed the calf suck his penis in the same manner that it sucked its moth...

A friend of mine is afraid of cows

He lives his life in udder fear.

Just watched the news and a guy in the UK proposed to his wife with the ring on the udder of a cow.

How dairy.

What do you call a cow that has gone dry?

A milk dud or a udder failure.

In Minnesota, it gets so cold...

...that you can eat softserve directly from the udder!

Why are dairy farmers non-monogamous?

They see udders.

Did you hear about the milk incident at the farm?

It was udderly disgusting

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

The Milking Machine

A farmer ordered a high-tech milking machine.

It happened that the equipment arrived when his wife was away, so he decided to test it on himself first. He inserted his penis into the equipment, turned the switch on and voila, everything else was automatic!!

He really had a good time be...

You know the worst thing about working on a farm?

Milking the cows is udderly exhausting.

Do you know what happened to the cow that was lifted into the air by a tornado?

It was an udder disaster.

I used to be a work on a ranch that kept cows and bulls,

but the pay was udderly terribull.

Why did the cow cross the road?

To get to the udder side

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I really hate my man boobs.

I have an udder resolve to get rid of them.

What do you call it when a cow jumps over a barbed wire fence?

Udder destruction.

If a horse does one thing, what does the cow do?

an-udder thing!

My cows are producing no milk.

This is complete, and udder nonsense

Why didn't the cow laugh at my joke?

He wasn't very amoosed because it was udderly lacking in humor, he had herd it before, it wasn't very mooving, it was cheesy and I milked the punchline a bit too much. Definitely wasn't moosic to his ears.
He still gave me a pat on the back though, which put me in a better moood.

I was at...

Cow without teats

udder nonsense

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A farmer is tired of milking his cows,

So one day, when he sees an advertisement for an automatic cow milker, he immediately orders it.

Two weeks later, when his wife is out buying groceries, the package arrives. The farmer, feeling very horny, opens it up, immediately sticks his dick into it, and turns it on.

The orgasm he...

I pulled my cow's udder, but nothing came out.

He's a milk dud.

Cow jokes, if you're in the mooOoood....

What do you call a cow with two short legs?


Lean beef.



What do you call a cow with no legs?

Ground beef.



Why did the cow get an award?

It was out standing in the field.



What do you call a cow after an abortion?
Decalfeinat...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I dont like milk

It tastes like udder piss.

Did you hear about the farmer who couldn’t milk cows...

He was an udder failure.

I’m just milking it now.

Studies show cows produce more Milk when the Farmer talks to them.

It’s a case of in one ear and out the udder.

A cow walks into a milk bar.

and no one uddered a word

I thought about reposting a cow joke...

But what's the point? I see it here every udder day

What did the father cow say to his daughter, when she came home late yet again?

You are an UDDER disappointment to this family young lady!

(I hit the spoiler on my last post, so just decided to remake it, sorry for the double post).

Milk, cheese and yogurt may be different products

But their origins are udderly similar.

Steer clear if you don't like cow puns

Why are cows the most forgiving animals?
Because forgiveness is bovine.
Alternatively: because they're always ready to turn the udder cheek.

Why is it best to hug a cow right after it eats?
Because then it's extra cuddly.

I knew this guy whose favorite thing was to cover a ...

How did the cow feel walking through a field of wheat?

Udderly tickled.

My friend got fired from his cow milking job because of his erratic behavior.

He was considered to be a danger to himself and udders.

What do you call a bulls wife?

His significant udder.

I bought a cow last week...

The old farmer who sold her to disclosed that only 3 out of the 6 teats produced milk. I brought home and went to milking only to find that he lied and not a single teat produced milk! It was an udder failure.

Did you hear about the fly that entered a cow's ear and ended up in milk pail the next morning?

It went into one ear and out the udder.

Did you hear about the mad cow disease outbreak?

It was udder pandemonium

What did the cow say to the flat earthers?

Your beliefs are udderly impossible

*edit* spelling

Bug in the Barn

A farmer was milking his cow. He was just starting to get a good rhythm going when a bug flew into the barn and started circling his head. Suddenly, the bug flew into the cow's ear. The farmer didn't think much about it, until the bug squirted out into his bucket. It went in one ear and out the udde...

Mad Cow Disease has been found to be transmitted to calves when being breastfed

It's udder insanity

Did you hear about the Midwestern dairy farmers?

Apparently they've begun a new trend of covering their cows' teets with fabric because they felt like their heifers were indecent. It's being called an udder shame.

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