A Saudi Prince wants to buy a bull, so he goes to see a famous Russian bovine breeder.

The Russian tells him, "I have many good animal. Here is Swedish bull, is born black color, but color turns white when grows."

"Over there is American bull. Color when born is red, but become dark brown when full grown."

"And here, Turkish bull. They is born dark brown, but grow up to ...

What do you call a Russian bovine covered in lichen?

Moscow.

In India, they regard Bovine creatures as sacred animals.

Holy Cow!

I don't even know what to tell you guys about this divine bovine I just saw.

I mean, just, like, holy cow...

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Bovine Economics

Basic Economics, brought up to date...



\*\*SOCIALISM\*\*



You have 2 cows.



You give one to your neighbor.



The government charges a gift tax.







\*\*COMMUNISM\*\*



You have 2 cows.



The...

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I know a guy who trained to be a vet and claims to have done extensive research on bovine faeces.

But I reckon that’s bullshit.

Went to a BBQ restaurant and ordered a 500g fillet from a female bovine.

It was a big miss steak.

Animal News Network had to fire its bovine news anchorman

Because it was unreliabull.

very old jokes, but I haven't seen them here before

A male bovine has unfortunately just swallowed a ticking time bomb. How would you describe this situation in one word?

Abominable.

Five minutes later the bomb has detonated leaving little beyond a small hole in the ground. What one word describes the new situation?

Noble.

Mad cows

Two cows are standing in a field on a sunny day. The grass sways in waves from the summer breeze; a bumblebee slowly meanders across the meadow. One cow turns to the other.
Cow one: you know, I’m really struggling. I simply can’t shake this anxiety.
Cow two: (looking at his companion with a l...

Bovine Terrorist Strikes Matador

It was abominable.

Scaredy Cat-tle

Why did the horse get extremely mad when classified as a bovine by mistake?


He didnt wanna be known as a cow word

It is now legal to park bovines with foot coverings in motorcycle parking spaces.

They're officially labeled as Cowasockies.

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A biologist specialized in bovine excrement found a specimen and exclaimed

"This is bullshit!"

What do you get when you take a bovine and divide its circumference by its diameter?

A cow pi.

There isn't enough recognition for the farmer who used his barren field to host the first Bovine Boxing tournament

He gave up an awful lot to see some bulls hit.

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What do you call bovine scat porn?

Udder bullshit

What do bovines need to help their bones grow?

Cow-cium

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Did you hear about the Nazi bovine insemination program?

It was called Dachau Farm.

Why do people prefer male bovine over female?

Many would rather be served a Sir Loin than a Miss Steak.

NASA launches bovines into space

It was the herd shot round the world!

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What do you call bovine masturbation?

Beef stroganoff!

Stakes

In any bovine pot-smoking contest, the steaks are pretty high.

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Just a load of bull

So, there was this bovine just chilling on a field, eating grass and then he met the love of his life. Later, they had a son. Now this son of theirs was very precious to them. They would always give him the best patch of grass to eat from. Later, this younger bovine went to high school. In this hig...

Cow jokes, if you're in the mooOoood....

What do you call a cow with two short legs?


Lean beef.



What do you call a cow with no legs?

Ground beef.



Why did the cow get an award?

It was out standing in the field.



What do you call a cow after an abortion?
Decalfeinat...

Steer clear if you don't like cow puns

Why are cows the most forgiving animals?
Because forgiveness is bovine.
Alternatively: because they're always ready to turn the udder cheek.

Why is it best to hug a cow right after it eats?
Because then it's extra cuddly.

I knew this guy whose favorite thing was to cover a ...

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You have two cows..

USA: You have two cows. You outsource a farm to milk them and sell the milk to those who can afford it. You then use the profit to buy someone else's cow for your butcher to make steak with.

Russia: You have two cows. When you get sober you remember that the mafia took them away from you, so ...

What do you call it when a cow saves your life?

Bovine intervention.

Me trying to impress my girl with big words

Darling, you look absolutely... bovine

You guys hear about the cow space program?

They want to travel a bovine beyond

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The Mermaid Joke

On the outskirts of a small town in eastern Missouri, there once lived a farmer, his wife, and their three sons. Once upon a time their dairy farm had been huge, and business was booming. But a terrible cow-afflicting disease swept throughout the town, and hit this families bovine particularly hard ...

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A billionaire commissions an artist to paint a mural in one of his currently white walls in his mansion...

The billionaire is a huge history buff. He tells the artist to depict his interpretation of the final thoughts of General Custer at the Battle of Little Big Horn. He trusts the highly recommended artist that upon his return in a week, the mural will be incredible.

The billionaire returns a w...

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Office jokes.

A rabbit saw a bird sitting on a branch doing nothing and thought it looked good so he asked the bird, "Hey! That look good. Can I sit here and do nothing too?"

The bird nodded.

As soon as the rabbit sat down the the base of the tree a fox ran up and ate the rabbit.

Moral of the...

Tapeworms in a cow

Time for another terrible joke.

So, there are these two tapeworms in a cow. They are talking and just generally gossiping a bunch. One of them tells the other something shocking. The other tapeworm says. "Where did you ever hear that" The first tapeworm replies.

"I heard it through the...

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