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Bovine Jokes

A Saudi Prince wants to buy a bull, so he goes to see a famous Russian bovine breeder.

The Russian tells him "I have many good animal. Here is Swedish bull, is born black color, but color turns white when grows.”

"Over there is American bull. Color when born is red, but become dark brown when full grown.”

"And here, Turkish bull. They is born dark brown, but grow up to b...

A rancher is trying to sell his herd of bovines...

He is showing a prospective buyer the herd. The buyer notices that the males appear to be having issues with their sense of balance and comments on this to the rancher. Before the rancher can reply, one of the male bovines responds, "It's OK. We bulls wobble, but we don't fall down."

Have you heard of the leader of the bovine communist movement?

Cow Zedong, better known as Chairman Cow.

Great guy.

Had the most mooving speeches.

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Bovine Economics

Basic Economics, brought up to date...



\*\*SOCIALISM\*\*



You have 2 cows.



You give one to your neighbor.



The government charges a gift tax.







\*\*COMMUNISM\*\*



You have 2 cows.



The...

What do you call a Russian bovine?

Moscow

Theres been an outbreak of bovine novovirus in Austria.

The hills are alive with the sound of moo sick.

In India, they regard Bovine creatures as sacred animals.

Holy Cow!

Bovine Terrorist Strikes Matador

It was abominable.

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What do you call bovine scat porn?

Udder bullshit

I don't even know what to tell you guys about this divine bovine I just saw.

I mean, just, like, holy cow...

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A biologist specialized in bovine excrement found a specimen and exclaimed

"This is bullshit!"

Went to a BBQ restaurant and ordered a 500g fillet from a female bovine.

It was a big miss steak.

NASA launches bovines into space

It was the herd shot round the world!

What do bovines need to help their bones grow?

Cow-cium

Why do people prefer male bovine over female?

Many would rather be served a Sir Loin than a Miss Steak.

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Did you hear about the Nazi bovine insemination program?

It was called Dachau Farm.

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I know a guy who trained to be a vet and claims to have done extensive research on bovine faeces.

But I reckon that’s bullshit.

It is now legal to park bovines with foot coverings in motorcycle parking spaces.

They're officially labeled as Cowasockies.

What do you get when you take a bovine and divide its circumference by its diameter?

A cow pi.

There isn't enough recognition for the farmer who used his barren field to host the first Bovine Boxing tournament

He gave up an awful lot to see some bulls hit.

very old jokes, but I haven't seen them here before

A male bovine has unfortunately just swallowed a ticking time bomb. How would you describe this situation in one word?

Abominable.

Five minutes later the bomb has detonated leaving little beyond a small hole in the ground. What one word describes the new situation?

Noble.

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Mad Aussie Farmer

Old Ted, Whose wife had died many years ago, happened to convince a beautiful young lady more than half his age to marry him. He promised to care for her and make sure she was left with his farm when he passed away.

After a year of marriage, however, Old Ted was unable to bring his beautiful ...

Scaredy Cat-tle

Why did the horse get extremely mad when classified as a bovine by mistake?


He didnt wanna be known as a cow word

In the 1930s, a farmer attempted to steal cows from a neighbouring farm.

He became a bit of a local legend. No one knew exactly why he stole them, and we still don’t know to this day. Some say he was just in a desperate situation, some say these cows had been abused and that he was rescuing them, some say he was just a greedy old farmer.

He attempted this great bo...

Stakes

In any bovine pot-smoking contest, the steaks are pretty high.

What do you call it when a cow saves your life?

Bovine intervention.

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You have two cows..

USA: You have two cows. You outsource a farm to milk them and sell the milk to those who can afford it. You then use the profit to buy someone else's cow for your butcher to make steak with.

Russia: You have two cows. When you get sober you remember that the mafia took them away from you, so ...

Me trying to impress my girl with big words

Darling, you look absolutely... bovine

Steer clear if you don't like cow puns

Why are cows the most forgiving animals?
Because forgiveness is bovine.
Alternatively: because they're always ready to turn the udder cheek.

Why is it best to hug a cow right after it eats?
Because then it's extra cuddly.

I knew this guy whose favorite thing was to cover a ...

Mad cows

Two cows are standing in a field on a sunny day. The grass sways in waves from the summer breeze; a bumblebee slowly meanders across the meadow. One cow turns to the other.
Cow one: you know, I’m really struggling. I simply can’t shake this anxiety.
Cow two: (looking at his companion with a l...

Tapeworms in a cow

Time for another terrible joke.

So, there are these two tapeworms in a cow. They are talking and just generally gossiping a bunch. One of them tells the other something shocking. The other tapeworm says. "Where did you ever hear that" The first tapeworm replies.

"I heard it through the...

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A billionaire commissions an artist to paint a mural in one of his currently white walls in his mansion...

The billionaire is a huge history buff. He tells the artist to depict his interpretation of the final thoughts of General Custer at the Battle of Little Big Horn. He trusts the highly recommended artist that upon his return in a week, the mural will be incredible.

The billionaire returns a w...

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Office jokes.

A rabbit saw a bird sitting on a branch doing nothing and thought it looked good so he asked the bird, "Hey! That look good. Can I sit here and do nothing too?"

The bird nodded.

As soon as the rabbit sat down the the base of the tree a fox ran up and ate the rabbit.

Moral of the...

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The Mermaid Joke

On the outskirts of a small town in eastern Missouri, there once lived a farmer, his wife, and their three sons. Once upon a time their dairy farm had been huge, and business was booming. But a terrible cow-afflicting disease swept throughout the town, and hit this families bovine particularly hard ...

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