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Three Farmers, a Pig and a Monkey

Three Farmers are raising a pig for the fair, trying to put their brains together to beat everyone else out. One of them gets the idea to put a cork in its butt, "if it can't poop it will get huge!" So they do this, and when the fair comes it's the biggest pig the county has ever seen and they win. ...

What do farmers do in Alabama?

Pump kin

Down at the farmers market and a man dress as a pirate was selling corn for 1$

It was a buccaneer

Why are farmers always the best husbands?

They always produce the best seeds.

Why do farmers put bells on their cows?

Because their horns don’t work.

(From my 6yo who loves her new joke book.)

Why are farmers aggressive gamblers?

Because they raise the steaks.

I read that 73% of apple farmers are functionally illiterate

But it's okay, because they can still live fruitful lives.

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Pah and Govnit are two farmers from the west of Ireland...

...on a Sunday after mass its their habit to walk back to their farms together as they are neighbors. A car drives by and Pah says to Govnit. If you had two cars Govnit, would you give me one?

Of course I would Pah, because you're my best friend and I love you.

The next Sunday they a...

It's farmers Wilma and Henry's 60th wedding anniversary and Henry would like to "do it" once again.

Like when they were young, beautiful and wild, in the farm yard, against the fence, under the caresses of the sun and the fresh breeze.

Wilma ponders a moment and then agrees and so they go, and begin, and quickly Wilma goes off like a rocket. They make love like crazy and when they're done, ...

What do farmers use horsekins for?

They keep horses in them.

Why couldn't the boy run away with the farmer's daughter?

They were cantaloupe farmers.

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A farmer buys a young cock.

As soon as he gets home it fucks all 150 of the farmers hens. The farmer is impressed . At lunch the cock once again screws the hens.
The next day, to the farmers astonishment, the cock fucks the geese and ducks as well. Sadly later during the day he finds the cock lying half- dead on the ground...

Three thieves went for thieving at a potato farmers house

They went into the storage to steal some potatoes. But after a while, the farmer eventually woke up. So, got into the storage to check what's happening. No options left, three thieves hid themselves into three different potato sacks.

The farmer poked the first sack and the first thief said "M...

What did the dairy farmers say when they saw godzilla?

Muenster!!!

Farmers wife

Jack decided to go skiing with his buddy, Bob. They loaded up Jack's minivan and headed north. After driving for a few hours, they got caught in a terrible blizzard. They pulled into a nearby farm and asked the attractive lady who answered the door if they could spend the night.


"I real...

Farmers Alzheimer’s

Old Macdonald had Alzheimer’s e I e I o
With a quack quack here and a quack quack there here a quack there a quack every ware a quack quack , e I e I o With a quack quack here and a quack quack there here a quack there a quack every ware a quack quack , e I e I o With a quack quack here and a qua...

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Farmer John and his wife Mary lived on a big piece of land in the middle of Ohio.

They did pretty well for themselves, but as all affluent farmers will know, farming is not easy money. After a few years of living together and working very hard, their marriage started to fall apart. Being just as determined to keep their marriage together as they were to keep their farm running, t...

Two farmers <a geek joke>

Two farmers were chatting,

One says, “You reckon the profit on your crops this year will be significant?”

“All depends,” said the other.

“On what”

“My pea value”

Just in time for the farmers thanksgiving. NSFW

There was this farmer that every morning would wake up and the first thing he would do is fart. Wet farts, dry farts, stinky farts, and especially loud farts. His wife would constantly tell him, “Honey, you really need to go to the doctor and have them look at that, one day you’ll end up farting you...

What do pirates and banana farmers have in common?

They're both scared of black spots.

Farmers would make great writers.

They really know how to work a plot.

Two farmers each buy a pig at the market

The farmers, let’s call them Clarence and Earl (because those are the only names I can think of that sound like the names farmers would have), decide that in order to save money they would keep the pigs in the same pen. Clarence then tells Earl, “let’s clip the ear off of one of the pigs so we can t...

Two farmers are standing in a corn field looking up at a full moon. The first farmer exclaims: "what a clear night! Hey! What do you think is closer; the moon or Australia?"

The second farmer turns to the first. "What a stupid question. Can you SEE Australia?"

There are 3 farmers, let’s call them A, B and C. Which one is the best with medicine?

Farmer C

A Family of Farmers Lived on Manitoba - Minnesota Border

Their farm sat right on the border, and for decades there had been ongoing dispute whether the main house of the farm sat on the U.S. or Canadian side. One day a letter came from the Government and the eldest son opened it.

"Mama," he said to his elderly mother, "The Government finally comple...

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What do farmers browse when they want to masturbate?

Cornhub.

I asked the farmers to attend a meeting on Thursday morning.

None of them turnip.

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