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The farmers dog

Muldoon, the farmer, lived alone in the countryside with his pet dog of many years. Eventually, his dog died of old age. Muldoon went to the parish priest. Father, my dear old dog is dead. Could you be saying a mass for the poor creature? Father Patrick replied, Muldoon, I'm sorry to hear of your d...

What type of beasts of burden do weird farmers keep?

Unorthodoxen.

What are milk farmers attracted to?

A nice dairy air.

Local news reports of a gentleman that has been defrauding maize farmers of large amounts of money..

One might say he’s the corn man’s con man..

Two old farmers meet on a moor …

They had crossed paths numerous times over 20 years and never spoken a word. One day, one of the farmers stops and says to the other “My pig’s sick. Covered in red blotches and really looking ill.” The other one says “One of my pigs had the exact same thing. I gave her turpentine.” The next day they...

A goat farmer and his wife one day went to feed the goats.

Unfortunately for her the male goat was particularly aggressive that day and mauled her to death. During her funeral the farmers brother came from another town. His brother was amazed how many people showed up to the funeral and said "Look how many people came to pay their respects to your wife" In ...

Two Irish farmers are walking down a road towards the pub, after a long days work, when they hear a motorcycle behind them. They are totally shocked to find that when the bike passes them, the biker is headless.

The two men look at each other and shrug.

They continue down the road because the call of the pub is getting stronger.

As they go, a cyclist comes up behind them and, on passing them, he too is seen to be headless.

The two old men shake their heads and continue to walk down t...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Three old farmers, Frank, Adam, and Jake, are sitting on their farm and get a little bored.

Frank turns to the other two and says, "I reckon we haven't had much excitement around our farms these days, what do y'all say to comin' up with somethin' fun?"

Jake says, "Welp, I suppose we could use something new in our lives. I got a big old sow sitting in the pen, shits everywhere all da...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

An old farmer was sitting on his porch one day when a man walked up and asked if he minded if he fished in the farmers pond. The old farmer said “go right ahead.”

A couple of hours later, the man came back and asked the farmer if he had a bucket he can use. “I found some milkweed in your field and want to go back and get some milk.” They farmer said “you can’t get milk from them, that’s just what they’re called, but sure, go right ahead.” A little bit later, ...

two farmers are talking

and one is lamenting to the other.

"man, I've got all these female cows and no male bulls to breed with them. It's gonna cost me a fortune to rent bulls!"

the other farmer responds, "don't sweat it joe, I've got tons of bulls so tomorrow, pack your cows up in your truck and drive them...

I heard that Ukrainian farmers...

... now have the 4th largest tank division in the world.

A German woman swore an oath to prepare her large field for planting using only the teachings of Lao-tsu, an ox and a pig. Local farmers call this "impossible".

# Headline:"Frau vows to plow with Tao, cow and sow... somehow."

A corny "dad joke" about farmers

Why are farmers always the best, most awesome and inspiring people?





Because they're always outstanding in their field

Why are corn farmers great at eavesdropping?

Because they have ears everywhere!

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

NSFW farmers daughter

There are 3 guys driving when their car breaks down. They come across a farm house and knock on the door. The farmer says I will fix your car in the morning, you guys can stay in the barn. My one rule is you won't sleep with my daughter. She has a golden pussy and I'll know if you slept with her....

Farmer Giles is worried about the performance of his prize bull

Farmer Giles is worried about the performance of his prize bull; he doesn't seem to be interested in the cows. So he goes to the vet who prescribes a course of pills for the bull.

A few weeks later, a friend comes by and asks Farmer Giles how the bull is getting on.

"Just great!" says ...

What’s a cucumber farmers worst nightmare?

Squatters.

A guy at the local market had some wonderful vegetables on display. But when I checked, he said he wasn’t a farmer.. he simply bought the stuff from other farmers..

Turns out he was a shower, not a grower..

These Farmers got arrested!

Did you hear why the celery farmer got arrested?

For stalking

Did you hear about the hay farmer that got arrested?

He’s out on bail

Did you hear about the root vegetable farmer that got arrested?

He beet up his friend with a potato and didn’t carrot all.

Two farmers each own a horse which they keep in the same field.

Each horse has a different coloured rubber band on its tail. Whenever the farmers visit, they feel carefully down the tail of each horse to find the rubber band, check the colour, and then take their horse for a ride.

This system works for many years until they arrive at the field one morning...

A farmer man had never left his area

So, he decides to take a week vacation on the nearest big city.



When he comes back, his fellow farmers, start asking how it was and what did he thought of the big city and he answers that he was very impressed by the very big buildings, the huge amount of people and cars all buzzing ...

3 farmers.

3 farmers were sitting at the local cafe drinking coffee. The subject of the lottery and what they would do if they won came up.

"I think I would take some time off and go on a cruise. I've always wanted to go on a cruise." Said the first farmer.

"First thing I would do is buy a fancy ...

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