Two factory workers are talking. The woman says, “I can make the boss give me the day off.”

The man asks, “And how would you do that?”

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The woman says, “Just wait and see.”

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She then hangs upside down from the ceiling.

​

The boss comes in and asks, “What are you doing?”

​

The woman replies...

If you work at a factory making kitchen work tops and you're very good at your job

Then ironically, you're being counter-productive.

I can’t believe I was fired from the calendar factory!

All I did was take a day off.

Did you hear about the cheese factory that blew up?

Da Brie was everywhere

I was fired from a keyboard factory yesterday

I wasn't putting in enough shifts.

I recently went to a coin factory...

I was in awe at all of the machines and moving parts that filled the factory. At first, I didn't understand what was happening, but then it dawned on me. It all makes cents.

My last job was at an orange juice factory.

I got canned because I couldn't concentrate.

At the ceramic tile factory they have employee parties where they make the tiles stand on edge. Instead of commending the skill involved they make fun of eachother.

It is an erect tile diss function.

So I used to work in a keyboard factory

I got fired because I always lost CTRL and because of that I went HOME and lost a lot of SHIFTS. I guess F8 didn't want me to work there.

I used to work in a candle factory...

...
Until i blew it

A health inspector went to a latex factory.

The factory looked clean so far, and he went over to the gloves department. He saw that the workers dipped their hand into the latex, waited for it to cool and peeled it off. He immediately called the manager to complain of this health code violation. The manager said: "You ain't seen nothing yet, w...

What do you call a factory that sells good products?

A satisfactory.

Why'd the cheese factory fire the guy with no toes?

They were lack toes intolerant.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

Yossel Zelkovitz worked in a Polish pickle factory.

Yossel Zelkovitz worked in a Polish pickle factory.
For many years, he had a powerful, almost uncontrollable desire to put his penis in the pickle slicer.
Unable to stand it any longer, he finally sought professional help from the factory psychologist.


After six months of inte...

A man calls an aquarium factory.

He says, "I understand that you manufacture custom fish tanks of all sizes?"

"That's right."

"Perfect. You see, my company manufactures silicon breast implants. We've found that our products last longer when stored in water. If we had some kind of very large glass storage containers, c...

Why is a job at the broken keyboard factory so lucrative?

There's plenty of extra shifts to pick up.

A man owns a factory with his wife

Everything's running smoothly, production is typical.

And then the factory explodes.

"This is bad," his wife says, "We have to get this factory rebuilt. We have to get production back on schedule. How long is it going take?"

The man pores over the papers for a moment, types som...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

A guy works at the pickle factory

After work, at the pub he says to his buddy: Hey you know I keep having this urge to put my penis in the pickle slicer at work.
His buddy is like "you are crazy", "don't do it", "you will regret it".
One day after work, he sees his friends and says, I finally did it.. I put my penis in the p...

I went to a cheese factory the other day, but there was a massive explosion.

There was de *brie* everywhere.

​

Sorry, too *cheesy*?

I'm starting my new job at the guillotine factory today.

I'll beheading there shortly.

Did you hear about the explosion at the cheese factory?

The only thing left was de-brie

I quit my job at the helium gas factory

I refused to be spoken to in that tone of voice

Why did the blonde get fired from the M&M factory?

Cuz she threw away all of the W’s

I got fired from the rubber band factory yesterday...

My first thought was "Oh snap!"

​

(Again from my son)

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

I put hidden cameras in every butter factory in the world and will sell access to them,

Some people just want to watch the world churn

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

What happens when a kamikaze bomber blows up a chocolate peanut butter cup factory?

Reeses pieces

Elon Musk Announces Odd location for New Tesla Factory in the Country of........

Mad-at-gas-car

I once knew a guy who worked in a watch factory

He was paid to stand around making faces.

Went to the Coca-Cola factory last week. At the end of the tour our guide asked if I would like a complimentary beverage

"Sure. I'll have a regular Coke, please."

"Is Pepsi okay?"

What's the difference between a video game console and a glue factory

One's a Sony Playstation and the other's a pony slaystation.

Why did the man decide to work at the mirror factory?

Because he could see himself doing it.

I just got hired at a light bulb factory.

The boss told me I have a bright future.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

What does Willy Wonka use to keep his factory clean?

Oompa Roombas

I hated my job at the can crushing factory.

It was soda pressing.

Three Russians are sitting together in the train that takes them to the Gulag.

One of them asks the two others: "So what did you do?"

The first one answers: "Well, I arrived late at the factory, and so they
accused me of slowing down the Revolution and the victory of the Proletariat."

The second one answers: "Well, I arrived early at the factory, and so they...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

A man works at the Branston Pickle factory, and comes home at lunch time one day.

His wife asks, "why are you home so early?"

To which he replies, "I got fired. I got caught putting my willy in the pickle slicer."

The wife thinks this is absolutely obscene and horrible - so she immediately pulls his pants down and whips out his cock. It's fine. She sighs a sigh of r...

Breaking News: Thieves break into Wig Factory; Steal 500 pounds of hair.

When questioned by the press, the owner said, "When these guys are caught, there's gonna be hell toupee!"

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

What did the Barbie factory do when it ran out of belly buttons?

They called the the navel reserve, naturally.

What's the difference between a weapons factory and a children's hospital?

Don't ask me buddy. I just fly the drone.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

Started my job at the dildo factory today, and I can now tell you all, women want one thing.

And it’s unrealistic.

I applied for a job at a furniture factory and they said they had an opening for someone to inspect the mirrors.

I told them "That's a job I could really see myself doing."

A cheese factory exploded recently..

...Unfortunately, nothing could be salvaged except for de-brie.

I decided to go vegan after visiting the meat production factory.

The livestock conditions were appalling.
The process involving production of Meatballs and Salami was bad.
But wait till you see the one of German sausage. It was the wurst.

Edit : Sweden has already decided to bring in regulations. I'd say they are ahead of the korv.

A factory worker is leaving with his wheelbarrow after a long workday.

On his way out, the worker is stopped by a security guard.

"What's in the box?" asks the guard.

"A box." replies the worker.

Annoyed, the guard says, "I know you have a small box. What's in the box?"

"Well, you know the sawdust on the floor is swept up and thrown away. W...

Why did my blond friend got fired from the ''M&M'' factory?

Because she threw away every candies labeled ''W''

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

My friend got hired at a dildo factory

He got fired the very next day for sitting on the job

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

Bill has worked in a pickle factory for several years.

One day he confesses to his wife that he has a terrible urge to stick his penis into the pickle slicer. His wife suggests that he see a therapist to talk about it, but Bill vows to overcome this rash desire on his own.

A few weeks later, Bill returns home absolutely ashen. His wife asks, "Wha...

A guy I know works at the watch factory,

I ask him "So what do you do?"

He says "I stand around all day making faces"

^^^^thanks ^^^^Mary ^^^^Poppins

A friend of mine had a terrible accident in a baguette factory.

He's now in a lot of pain.

Did you hear about the guy that quit his job at a quilt filling factory?

He said he was fed up of feeling down...

I was caught breaking into a cheese factory with a lock pick and a large stone.

The guard that caught me said "I get the lock pick but what's the Roquefort?"

There was a very religious man that bought a nail factory

When the factory was about to open he hired a marketing guy to make a TV commercial, his only instruction was that it had to have a catholic theme. A few days go past and the guy returns with the video to show the factory owner. The video starts: there's a Roman soldier nailing Jesus, who is all blo...

What is in common between a comedian, a chocolate factory owner and a criminal?

They are all running for Ukraine Presidency in 2019.

What does every Tickle Me Elmo doll receive before leaving the factory?

Two test tickles...

Why should you own a coin factory?

It just makes cents.

What did the millennial Charlie say after visiting the chocolate factory?

It was choco-lit

A friend of mine was looking for a job for months. He got hired by a clock making factory for 2$ an hour.

I asked him why he accepted the offer for so little pay.

He replied "It's not about the money."

"It's about damn time."

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

Why were all the male employees happy at the balloon inflating factory ?

Because their female boss gave them a blow job.

I used to work in a napkin factory in Russia...

I was in The Serviette Union.

I went for a guide through a factory once, but was not amused...

It was a dissatisfactory.

Did you hear about the fire at the shoe factory.

Over 200 souls were lost

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

I don't know why I was fired at the Viagra factory

The surveillance video showed me hard at work.

What is the motto for the fish stick factory?

In cod we crust.

Did you guys hear about the explosion at the cheese factory?

Da brie was everywhere!

It’s going to cost them a lot of cheddar!

Luckily they have a Swiss account saved up.

It surely won’t be gouda.

It even destroyed their onsite cottage!

The new CEO of a factory comes in to work.

The new CEO of a factory comes into work, determined to turn things around. He sees a man standing on the floor of a factory, not doing any work.

He goes up to the man and asks, “What do you think you’re doing?”

The man shrugs and replies, “Just hanging around. Waiting to get paid.”...

A terrific explosion occurs in a gunpowder factory

And once all the mess has been cleared up, an inquiry begins. One of the few survivors is pulled up to make a statement.

"Okay Mr. Milly Terry," says the investigator, "you were near the scene, what happened ?"

"Well, it's like this. Old Hugh Cumber was in the mixing room, and I saw hi...

I'd like to work in a factory that produces counter-tops

so I could get paid for being counter-productive.

What did the unhappy factory electrons do?

Unionize

Did you hear about the cowboys who deny robbing the glue factory?

They're sticking to their guns.

Three Soviet men, away from home on factory surveys, are staying in a hotel and trying to kill time.

First it's just some idle chitchat, then at some point one of them decides to prank his companions and excuses himself. He goes out of the room and asks a maid to bring them all tea in fifteen minutes or so. He then gets back and casually slips in a joke. Fifteen minutes later they are all enthusias...

I've decided I want to work in a mirror factory.

It's something I can totally see myself doing.

Where do facts come from?

The factory.

A man complains about the noise of a tennis factory

"You lot are making a racket in there."

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

A man comes home to his wife from his job at a relish factory one day...

He has a confused, lost look on his face, so his wife asks what's wrong.

The man turns to her and says, "I've been having the strangest urge at work lately."

His wife, being the caring woman she is, asks "What is it."

The man sighs and says, "I keep wanting to put my dick in the...

Did you hear about the child laborers that died at the candy factory?

It was Haribo.

I got the job of working in a mattress factory and went in it on the first day

It was the first time that I made my bed.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

My brother was fired from a factory job for sticking his dick in the pipe cutter during his shifts.

They fired her at the same time, too.

Class trip to the coca-cola company factory

I hope there's no pop quiz


Cause I'm diabetic

Fire at Australian sausage factory (long)

One dark night in the small town of Woopwoop, W.A, a fire started inside the local sausage factory. In a blink the building was engulfed in flames.

The alarm went out to all the fire departments for miles around.
When the first volunteer fire fighters appeared on the scene, the sausage com...

The factory of the future will have only two employees...

...the man and the dog. The man will be there to feed the dog. The dog will be there to keep the man away from the machines.

Recently, there was a cross contamination with a life cereal factory that's next to an edibles factory

Now I get why people are saying they're high on life.

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