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In an alcohol factory the regular tester died and the director started looking for a new one to hire.

A drunkard with a ragged, dirty look came to apply for the position. The director of the factory wondered how to send him away. They tested him. They gave him a glass with a drink. He tried it and said,”It’s red wine, a muscat, three years old, grown on a north slope, matured in steel containers.” “...

Just got fired from the keyboard factory today...

They said I wasn't putting in enough shifts.

Landed my dream job at a guillotine factory

Will beheading there tomorrow

I just got a job in a factory making plastic Draculas

There are only two of us on the production line, so I have to make every second count

Did you hear about the cheese factory that exploded in France?

There was nothing left but de brie.

I've just quit my job a helium factory.

I won't be spoken to in that tone....

There were these three guys. They all worked together at a factory. Everyday they noticed that their boss would leave work a little early.

So one day they meet together and say that today when the boss leaves, they'll all leave early too.
The boss left and so did they.

The first guy goes home and goes to bed so he can get an early start the next day.

The second guy goes home and cooks dinner.

The third guy goes ...

I've just applied for a job in a salad packing factory.

The hours are terrible, but apparently the celery is good.

What do you call a factory that makes just "ok" products?

A Satisfactory

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A husband comes home to his wife after being fired from the pickle factory...

His wife asks him "So what happened?"

The husband explains "I often get bored at work and today my mind was wandering and I thought to myself 'what would happen if I stuck my penis inside the pickle slicer?'"

The wife is clearly blind-sided by this confession and doesn't know what to s...

Which crayon at the Crayola factory is in charge of answering the phones?

Yellow?

Why did the man quit his job at the donut factory?

He was fed up with the hole business.

I used to work at an orange juice factory, but I got canned

I just couldn't concentrate.

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A man lost his job at the pickle factory...

He comes home to his wife and confesses...”honey I got fired from my
Job today.” “Oh no” she exclaims, “what happened?” “I stuck my penis in the pickle slicer” he says. “Oh my god” cried his wife, “will they have to replace the pickle slicer?” She asks. “Probably” he says, “she got fired too.”

What’s the last thing that happens to a tickle me Elmo before it leaves the factory

It gets test tickles

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Bill worked in a pickle factory...

Bill worked in a pickle factory. He had been employed there for a number of years when he came home one day and confessed to his wife that he had a terrible compulsion. He had an urge to stick his penis into the pickle slicer.

His wife suggested that he should see a sex therapist to talk abou...

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(caution, horrible joke) I once asked an employee of a Pepto factory if they had a secret ingredient.

He told me it was none of my bismuth.

The largest condom factory in the States burned down.

President Trump was awakened at 4 am by the telephone.

"Sorry to bother you at this hour, Sir, but there is an emergency! I've just received word that the Durex factory in Washington has burned to the ground. It is estimated that the entire USA supply of condoms will be used up by the end of ...

Did you hear the one about the dollar bill factory?

Never mind, it doesn't make cents

What did everyone say about Nathan when he got fired from the fortune cookie factory?

That’s unfortunate.

I’ve thought about working in a mirror factory

I could see myself doing it.

Two factory workers are talking.

Two factory workers are talking. The woman says, "I can make the boss give me the day off." The man replies, "And how would you do that?" The woman says, "Just wait and see." She then hangs upside down from the ceiling. The boss comes in and says, "What are you doing?" The woman replies, "I'm a ligh...

Have you heard about the fire at the shoe factory?

Many souls where lost.

There's been an explosion at the paint factory where my brother works.

He's missing, presumed red.

At a meeting in a factory, a lecturer from the district Party committee tells the workers about their bright future in the USSR.

At a meeting in a factory, a lecturer from the district Party committee tells the workers about their bright future in the USSR.

"See, comrades, after this five-year plan is completed, every family will have a separate apartment. After the next five-year plan is completed, every worker will h...

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A worker at a cucumber factory had this strange urge...

He wanted to stick his dick into the cucumber cutter. The urge was growing and growing until he decided to visit a psychiatrist.

The psychiatrist found that the only way to heal the urge was to actually go ahead and do it.

The next day the worker came home early, his wife asked why. As...

I got fired from my job at the calendar factory

I got fired from my job at the calendar factory a couple weeks ago, and all I did was take a few days off.

But it's alright, I think I'm going to become a mirror washer.

It's something I can really see myself doing

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There is a factory that makes the Tickle Me Elmo toys.

The toy laughs when you tickle it under the arms.   Well, Lena is hired at The Tickle Me Elmo factory and she reports for her first day promptly at 8:00 am.   The next day at 8:45 is there is a knock at the Personnel Manager’s door. The Foreman throws open the door and begins to rant about the new E...

I got a job at a chess piece factory recently...

...I'm on the knight shift next week.

Have you heard about the man who recently died working at the glasses factory?

Apparently he fell right into the glass grinder, making a spectacle of himself.

An Irish housewife is at home, being a homemaker, while her husband is away working at the Guinness factory

When she hears a knock on the door.

Upon answering the door, she sees it is two of her husband’s friends and co-workers.

“Mary,” says the first co-worker, “I’m afraid we have some terrible news. You see, there was an accident at the factory today, and your husband fell into a vat of th...

Got fired from my new job at the dairy factory for making 1% milk the wrong way...

...instead of following the directions exactly, I just skimmed them.

Just finished my first shift at a can crushing factory.

It was soda pressing.

I didn't make it at the sandpaper factory

boss said I didn't have enough Grit

A time keeper at a factory is in charge of blowing the whistle for the lunch break at noon.

When it's almost noon he looks at his watch and right when it strikes 12pm he blows the whistle.

One day he bumps his watch against something and he fears that it is a little off.

Wanting to make sure that he can do his job correctly he decides to go get his watch set by a professional...

An employee at the cookie factory fell into the dough mixing vat.

It looks like he's going to make it, but he was badly battered.

What do you call a cheese factory from the Middle East?

Cheeses of Nazareth

How did the Mexican cheese factory report an equipment malfunction?

No whey, Hose A.

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I work in a factory that makes McDonalds french fries...

One of co-workers told me yesterday that he's always wanted to put his dick in the Potato Peeler. I tried to talk him out of it, but I could tell he had already made his mind up to do it. I saw him today; he was clearing out his desk. "So you went ahead and did it?" "Yeah, and I got caught, so they ...

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A soap factory had a problem.

They sometimes shipped empty boxes without the bar inside. This challenged their perceived quality with the buyers and distributors. Understanding how important these relationships were, the CEO of the company assembled his top people. They decided to hire an external engineering company to solve th...

There was an accident at the glass factory today

Onlookers could Only describe the scene as "paneful to watch"

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Indian government wants to build a factory [long]

So they called for bids from several local and international companies. Three were shortlisted: one local, one Chinese, one Japanese.

* The Japanese firm offered to build it for 25 Mn dollars in six months, and offered a guarantee for 10 years. But they were not keen on bribing the contract o...

My first job was mending typewriters in a factory, boring job but...

The other employees where great characters...

I really bonded with the guy at the glue factory.

We have been inseparable ever since we met.

I was just driving past a dog food factory and it smelled really good.

Now I want Arby’s.

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My friend works at a rubber dog-poop factory.

He'll never get rich, but he makes doo.

What’s worse than a bull in a China shop?

A hedgehog in a condom factory

there was an accident at the marmalade factory

it got a little jammed nothing could be preserved

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I hate my job, quality control at the strobe-light factory.

I'm busy working like a cunt, and everyone else is just fucking standing still.

Got fired from my job at the keyboard factory

At first I just wasn’t putting in enough shifts, then I couldn’t keep the space clean and finally I lost control

This Easter, the catholic church is sourcing all of it's bread and wine from a factory in China.

It's called mass production.

Get a job

A young man in a small town graduates from high school. His father comes to him that evening and tells him “Son, you’re a man now. You need to start contributing to this household. Go get a job.”

The young man is rightfully concerned. Work prospects in his town are slim. The only jobs availab...

The machine at the coin factory I work for stopped working.

It doesn't make any cents!

Don't make a decision before you have studied all its aspects ! Don't make a decision when you are angry !

An iron company manager, while touring the company noticed a young man leaning against the wall and doing nothing.

He approached him and said softly, "How much is your salary?"

The young man was calm and surprised by the personal question.

He answered, "2500 dollars a month, sir...

Did you hear about the fire at the shoe factory?

10,000 soles were lost!
Police say some heels started it!

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Did you hear the one about the blonde who worked at the toy factory?

The manager asked her “why do all of these Tickle Me Elmo dolls have two red balls attached?

She replied “I thought you said that every doll was supposed to get two test-tickles”

A new battery factory in Northumberland will offer jobs to ex-offenders

Applicants for the posts will have to prove they haven’t been charged for the last twelve months.

What do I do?

An 18 year old girl tells her Mom that she has missed her period for 2 months. Very worried, the mother goes to the drugstore and buys a pregnancy kit. The test result shows that the girl is pregnant.

Shouting, cursing, crying, the mother says "who was the pig that did this to you? I want to ...

I just quit my job working in a shoe factory

It was sole destroying

We were so poor when I was growing up, that my mother made us clothes out of the offcuts my dad would bring from home from work at the sandpaper factory.

It was rough.

Three men are talking in a Soviet gulag.

One of them asks the two others: "So what did you do?"

The first one answers: "Well, I arrived late at the factory, and so they accused me of slowing down the Revolution and the victory of the Proletariat."

The second one answers: "Well, I arrived early at the factory, and so they accu...

Apparently Kraft are opening a new factory in the Holy Land. They're calling it . . .

Cheeses of Nazareth.

I worked in a helium factory

I resigned after a week, I wasn't going to be spoken to like that

I've just been made redundant from my job in a pasta making factory!!!!

All I did was make a fusilli mistakes!

Sad News At The Nestle Factory

Sad news at the Nestle factory today when a member of staff was seriously injured when a pallet of chocolate fell more than 50 feet and crushed him underneath...

He tried in vain to attract attention but every time he shouted "The milky bars are on me" everyone cheered

I asked a friend if he likes his job at the battery factory.

He said it has pluses and minuses...

A man takes a job at a you factory

He is hired on to work the production line for Tickle me Elmo. He settles into his position, is given a quick set of instructions by his new supervisor and set to work. After finishing the instructions, the supervisor says: "It's super easy. Let me know if you have any questions. I'm check back in ...

My friend got fired at the fizzy drinks factory.

He was soda pressed.

Why did the blonde get fired from the M&M Factory?

She threw away all the w's.

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Favourite porn movie parodies…

I’ll start, let’s see what list we can create…

Shaving Ryan’s Privates

Schindler’s Fist

Willy Bonk Her in the Chocolate Factory

Pulp Friction

Evil Head

Honey, I blew everybody

Inspect Her Gadget

Missionary Impossible

Saturday Night Beave...

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A guy gets a job working in a pickle factory.

A guy gets a job working in a pickle factory as a pickle packer and he excitedly goes home to tell his wife the good news.

"Try not to get fired, we really need this job" she tells him.

The first day on the job he comes home and she asks, "How was work today?"

He replies "I lo...

Hope You Get a Laugh

Three elderly men were relaxing on the beach in Florida.

One said “I owned a factory in New York state. One winter, the heat didn’t come on, the pipes froze and got water everywhere, and everything was ruined. I decided I was too old to start over, so I took the insurance money, sold the plac...

I was laid off due to COVID, so I took a job at an origami factory

Unfortunately it folded.

I had a job canning drinks at a factory but have recently quit

It was soda pressing

Last night a thief broke into the shoe factory. (Original, I think)

Police have identified a sole perpetrator.

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The guy who got a job at the pickle factory.

He came home from his first day and his wife asked him how it was. He said it was great, but he couldn't stop watching the pickle slicer. He knew it was wrong but he couldn't couldn't stop thinking about putting his penis in the pickle slicer. His wife thought that was a little bit weird.

Ti...

Dumb and Dumber were fired from the M&Ms factory

Dumb and Dumber were fired from the M&Ms factory for tossing all the Ws!

I asked my friend "whats it like working at a tire factory?"

apparently it wears thin after a while

How can you tell the difference between a chemist and a chemical factory worker?

Write down the word *'unionized'* and ask them to pronounce it.

If you work at a water bottle factory

It must be difficult to not drink on the job

My boss at the cereal factory pulled me into his office...

“I like your recipes son, but I think we should make some changes.”

“Ok”, I said, “Like What?”

“Well, first I’d like to dip it in sucrose. Then, I’d like to dust it with dextrose -“

“Stop right there”, I said. “No need to sugar coat it.”

Did you hear about the police seige at the donut factory robbery?

The bad guys came out with all buns glazing.

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Johnny and Susie are working in a factory

Susie says it's too nice outside to be inside working. So, she bets Johnny she can get the rest of the day off. He takes the bet just as the boss comes walking out of his office. Susie climbs up and hangs from the rafters just as the boss walks by. He asks what she's doing and she says I'm a light b...

Does every Tickle-Me-Elmo have to have test-tickles before they leave the factory?

No, Not every one, only the males

A worker at the Zippo factory is showing their boss how the new machine works.

Suddenly, the lights go out. Wanting to finish the demonstration quickly, they try to continue with only the emergency lighting.

"The lights are too dim, I can't see what you're doing" the boss complains.

"I have an idea", says the worker. "Let's turn the machine on. "

The bos...

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Why was working in the butter factory such a high stress job?

Because there was no margarine for error.

Took a job in a fertiliser factory...

It's my first daytime job where they give me nitrates.

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A man who works at a pickle factory comes home and is looking distraught...

His wife asks what's wrong

The man says: " I've been feeling the urge to stick my penis in the pickle slicer"

His wife says: " What?! Don't do that, you need to fight that urge"

The man agrees and he goes back to work the next day. He comes home distraught again.

" Did ...

My comrades were destroying the brick factory.

I said "Stop, we need the bricks!"

They replied, "That's why we're demolishing it."

Did you hear about the ruler factory that went out of business?

They just couldn’t measure up to the competition.

A blonde, redhead, and brunette are all on the run from the cops...

They find an abandoned potato factory and each hide in a huge brown sack. The cops arrive and kick the first sack. The redhead yells, "Woof! Woof"! to imitate a dog. The captain says, "Leave it be! We don't need some dog out here biting our ankles". A cop kicks the second sack, and the brunette says...

Did you hear about the bread factory burning down?

They say the business is toast.

In the teats and comdoms factory.

The mayor is visiting a new factory where they make teats and comdoms. When they are near the machine that makes teats it sounds like

"fffff pop,
fffff pop,
fffff pop..."

The mayor asked her assistant to explain it.

Assistant: Well the "fffff" is when the latex gets inflat...

I've been out of work for a while but have just got a job at a factory making periscopes.

Things are looking up.

I really like going to the Old Spaghetti Factory, but..

I just wish they would make me a fresh plate.

A man is on a tour of the Yankee Candle Factory

A man was taking a tour of the Yankee Candle factory when he suddenly saw an incredibly large machine and had no idea what it was. he asked the employee giving the tour what it was, and the employee replied, “Oh! That’s our patented Yankee Candle Maker 5000™️!” The man seemed content and said to him...

Where are average things made?

At the satisfactory!

I tried really hard to enjoy my job at a shoe factory.

But I just didn't fit in.

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A man that works in a pickle factory walked into his local pub after work wearing a hospital wristband. "Did you have an accident at work today?" the barkeep asked. "Yes, I put my penis in the pickle slicer," the man replied...

"Her husband caught us"

Anybody hear about that guy that worked in the calender factory?

He took 2 weeks off in March.

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Pedro got fired.

For many years he had a powerful desire to put his penis in the cucumber slicer. Unable to stand it any longer, he sought professional help from the factory psychologist.

After six months, the therapist gave up. He advised Pedro to go ahead and do it or he would probably never have any peace ...

What do workers in a tea factory never get?

Coffee breaks

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A man comes home to his wife from his job at a relish factory one day...

He has a confused, lost look on his face, so his wife asks what's wrong.

The man turns to her and says, "I've been having the strangest urge at work lately."

His wife, being the caring woman she is, asks "What is it."

The man sighs and says, "I keep wanting to put my dick in the...

If you work at a factory making kitchen work tops and you're very good at your job

Then ironically, you're being counter-productive.

A chap Tours a factory that produces latex products.

A chap is going on tour of a factory that produces latex products.
At the first stop, he's shown the machine that manufactures baby-bottle nipples. The machine makes a loud Hiss-Pop! noise.

"The hiss is the rubber being injected into the mold," explains the guide. "The popping sound is a ...

I just got a job at a factory that makes fire hydrants.

They would not let me park my car there.

My friend recently worked at a sugar refinery factory...

until his position was dissolved.

The shoe factory burned down today. Sadly, there were no survivors.

Rest In Peace all those poor soles.

What do they call the lamp at the car factory that warns the workers that the engine is from eastern Europe?

The czech engine light.

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