Two factory workers are talking.

Two factory workers are talking. The woman says, "I can make the boss give me the day off." The man replies, "And how would you do that?" The woman says, "Just wait and see." She then hangs upside down from the ceiling. The boss comes in and says, "What are you doing?" The woman replies, "I'm a ligh...

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A worker at a cucumber factory had this strange urge...

He wanted to stick his dick into the cucumber cutter. The urge was growing and growing until he decided to visit a psychiatrist.

The psychiatrist found that the only way to heal the urge was to actually go ahead and do it.

The next day the worker came home early, his wife asked why. As...

I got fired from the calendar factory

just for taking a day off :(

An Irish housewife is at home, being a homemaker, while her husband is away working at the Guinness factory

When she hears a knock on the door.

Upon answering the door, she sees it is two of her husband’s friends and co-workers.

“Mary,” says the first co-worker, “I’m afraid we have some terrible news. You see, there was an accident at the factory today, and your husband fell into a vat of th...

There was an accident at the glass factory today

Onlookers could Only describe the scene as "paneful to watch"

A time keeper at a factory is in charge of blowing the whistle for the lunch break at noon.

When it's almost noon he looks at his watch and right when it strikes 12pm he blows the whistle.

One day he bumps his watch against something and he fears that it is a little off.

Wanting to make sure that he can do his job correctly he decides to go get his watch set by a professional...

I got a job at a chess piece factory recently...

...I'm on the knight shift next week.

How did the Mexican cheese factory report an equipment malfunction?

No whey, Hose A.

Why did the man quit his job at the donut factory?

He was fed up with the hole business!

The largest condom factory in the States burned down.

President Trump was awakened at 4 am by the telephone.

"Sorry to bother you at this hour, Sir, but there is an emergency! I've just received word that the Durex factory in Washington has burned to the ground. It is estimated that the entire USA supply of condoms will be used up by the end of ...

Did you hear about the fire at the shoe factory?

10,000 soles were lost!
Police say some heels started it!

A new battery factory in Northumberland will offer jobs to ex-offenders

Applicants for the posts will have to prove they haven’t been charged for the last twelve months.

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Did you hear the one about the blonde who worked at the toy factory?

The manager asked her “why do all of these Tickle Me Elmo dolls have two red balls attached?

She replied “I thought you said that every doll was supposed to get two test-tickles”

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Bill worked in a pickle factory.

He had been employed there for a number of years when he came home one dav to confess to his wife that he had a terrible compulsion. He had an urge to stick his penis in the pickle slicer.

His wife suggested that he should see a therapist to talk about it, but Bill indicated that he'd be too...

I've just been made redundant from my job in a pasta making factory!!!!

All I did was make a fusilli mistakes!

I just quit my job working in a shoe factory

It was sole destroying

When the cheese factory exploded, people found pieces of it miles away

There was de Brie everywhere

BREAKING NEWS: There was an explosion at the local cheese factory!

Da Brie is everywhere.

The machine at the coin factory stopped working..

It doesn't make any cents!

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I work in a factory that makes McDonalds french fries...

One of co-workers told me yesterday that he's always wanted to put his dick in the Potato Peeler. I tried to talk him out of it, but I could tell he had already made his mind up to do it. I saw him today; he was clearing out his desk. "So you went ahead and did it?" "Yeah, and I got caught, so they ...

We were so poor when I was growing up, that my mother made us clothes out of the offcuts my dad would bring from home from work at the sandpaper factory.

It was rough.

Apparently Kraft are opening a new factory in the Holy Land. They're calling it . . .

Cheeses of Nazareth.

I worked in a helium factory

I resigned after a week, I wasn't going to be spoken to like that

Three men are talking in a Soviet gulag.

One of them asks the two others: "So what did you do?"

The first one answers: "Well, I arrived late at the factory, and so they accused me of slowing down the Revolution and the victory of the Proletariat."

The second one answers: "Well, I arrived early at the factory, and so they accu...

Got fired from my job at the keyboard factory

At first I just wasn’t putting in enough shifts, then I couldn’t keep the space clean and finally I lost control

Why did the blonde get fired from the M&M Factory?

She threw away all the w's.

A man takes a job at a you factory

He is hired on to work the production line for Tickle me Elmo. He settles into his position, is given a quick set of instructions by his new supervisor and set to work. After finishing the instructions, the supervisor says: "It's super easy. Let me know if you have any questions. I'm check back in ...

My friend got fired at the fizzy drinks factory.

He was soda pressed.

Sad News At The Nestle Factory

Sad news at the Nestle factory today when a member of staff was seriously injured when a pallet of chocolate fell more than 50 feet and crushed him underneath...

He tried in vain to attract attention but every time he shouted "The milky bars are on me" everyone cheered

Last night a thief broke into the shoe factory. (Original, I think)

Police have identified a sole perpetrator.

I asked a friend if he likes his job at the battery factory.

He said it has pluses and minuses...

The workers at Coca Cola factory are always enthusiastic and motivated to work....

That’s the sprite.

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The guy who got a job at the pickle factory.

He came home from his first day and his wife asked him how it was. He said it was great, but he couldn't stop watching the pickle slicer. He knew it was wrong but he couldn't couldn't stop thinking about putting his penis in the pickle slicer. His wife thought that was a little bit weird.

Ti...

I had a job canning drinks at a factory but have recently quit

It was soda pressing

I was laid off due to COVID, so I took a job at an origami factory

Unfortunately it folded.

Why was the man fired from the orange juice factory?

Because he couldn't concentrate.

If you work at a water bottle factory

It must be difficult to not drink on the job

Did you hear about the police seige at the donut factory robbery?

The bad guys came out with all buns glazing.

I got my dream job at a guillotine factory.

I'll beheading there shortly.

My comrades were destroying the brick factory.

I said "Stop, we need the bricks!"

They replied, "That's why we're demolishing it."

Dumb and Dumber were fired from the M&Ms factory

Dumb and Dumber were fired from the M&Ms factory for tossing all the Ws!

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Why was working in the butter factory such a high stress job?

Because there was no margarine for error.

What do you call a factory that makes great quality products?

A satisfactory

My boss at the cereal factory pulled me into his office...

“I like your recipes son, but I think we should make some changes.”

“Ok”, I said, “Like What?”

“Well, first I’d like to dip it in sucrose. Then, I’d like to dust it with dextrose -“

“Stop right there”, I said. “No need to sugar coat it.”

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A guy gets a job working in a pickle factory.

A guy gets a job working in a pickle factory as a pickle packer and he excitedly goes home to tell his wife the good news.

"Try not to get fired, we really need this job" she tells him.

The first day on the job he comes home and she asks, "How was work today?"

He replies "I lo...

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Johnny and Susie are working in a factory

Susie says it's too nice outside to be inside working. So, she bets Johnny she can get the rest of the day off. He takes the bet just as the boss comes walking out of his office. Susie climbs up and hangs from the rafters just as the boss walks by. He asks what she's doing and she says I'm a light b...

Does every Tickle-Me-Elmo have to have test-tickles before they leave the factory?

No, Not every one, only the males

I've been out of work for a while but have just got a job at a factory making periscopes.

Things are looking up.

Took a job in a fertiliser factory...

It's my first daytime job where they give me nitrates.

She went missing !

Husband: My wife is missing. She went mountain biking yesterday and has not come home!

Officer: Age?

Husband: I'm not sure. Somewhere between 25 and 35. We don't do birthdays.

Officer: Height?

Husband: I'm not sure. A little over five-feet tall.

OFFICER : Weig...

I really like going to the Old Spaghetti Factory, but..

I just wish they would make me a fresh plate.

How can you tell the difference between a chemist and a chemical factory worker?

Write down the word *'unionized'* and ask them to pronounce it.

Did you hear about the ruler factory that went out of business?

They just couldn’t measure up to the competition.

I had to quit my job at the helium factory.

I couldn’t stand being spoken to in that tone.

In the teats and comdoms factory.

The mayor is visiting a new factory where they make teats and comdoms. When they are near the machine that makes teats it sounds like

"fffff pop,
fffff pop,
fffff pop..."

The mayor asked her assistant to explain it.

Assistant: Well the "fffff" is when the latex gets inflat...

A worker at the Zippo factory is showing their boss how the new machine works.

Suddenly, the lights go out. Wanting to finish the demonstration quickly, they try to continue with only the emergency lighting.

"The lights are too dim, I can't see what you're doing" the boss complains.

"I have an idea", says the worker. "Let's turn the machine on. "

The bos...

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A toothpaste factory had a problem

Due to the way the production line was set up, sometimes empty boxes were shipped without the tube inside. People with experience in designing production lines will tell you how difficult it is to have everything happen with timings so precise that every single unit coming off of it is perfect 100% ...

A tennis factory was recently established near my house.

They’re making quite the racket

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A man who works at a pickle factory comes home and is looking distraught...

His wife asks what's wrong

The man says: " I've been feeling the urge to stick my penis in the pickle slicer"

His wife says: " What?! Don't do that, you need to fight that urge"

The man agrees and he goes back to work the next day. He comes home distraught again.

" Did ...

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It's my cake day today, so I'll give you one of my favourite jokes since 15+ years ago.

There is a factory that makes the Tickle Me Elmo toys. The toy laughs when you tickle it under the arms.

Well, Lena is hired at The Tickle Me Elmo factory and she reports for her first day promptly at 8:00 am.

The next day at 8:45 am there is a knock at the Personnel Manager’s door. Th...

I asked my friend "whats it like working at a tire factory?"

apparently it wears thin after a while

I just got a job at a factory that makes fire hydrants.

They would not let me park my car there.

A man is on a tour of the Yankee Candle Factory

A man was taking a tour of the Yankee Candle factory when he suddenly saw an incredibly large machine and had no idea what it was. he asked the employee giving the tour what it was, and the employee replied, “Oh! That’s our patented Yankee Candle Maker 5000™️!” The man seemed content and said to him...

Anybody hear about that guy that worked in the calender factory?

He took 2 weeks off in March.

What do they call the lamp at the car factory that warns the workers that the engine is from eastern Europe?

The czech engine light.

A chap Tours a factory that produces latex products.

A chap is going on tour of a factory that produces latex products.
At the first stop, he's shown the machine that manufactures baby-bottle nipples. The machine makes a loud Hiss-Pop! noise.

"The hiss is the rubber being injected into the mold," explains the guide. "The popping sound is a ...

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An 18 year old girl tells her mom that she has missed her last 2 periods

Very worried, the mother goes to the drugstore and buys a pregnancy test. The test result shows that the girl is pregnant. Crying, cursing and Shouting the mother says, "Who was the bastard that did this to you? I want to know!"

The girl picks up the phone and makes a call. Half an hour later...

What do workers in a tea factory never get?

Coffee breaks

Did you hear about the bread factory burning down?

They say the business is toast.

My friend recently worked at a sugar refinery factory...

until his position was dissolved.

There was a man named billy, billy worked at a pickle factory. One day billy comes home to his wife and says...

...“honey I want to put my pp in the pickle slicer, his wife tells him that’s absurd and not to do it and then went to sleep. Billy goes to work the next day and comes home and tells his wife “honey I put my pp in the pickle slicer!” His wife yelled “what happened?! Was it bloody? Did it hurt?!” The...

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A man that works in a pickle factory walked into his local pub after work wearing a hospital wristband. "Did you have an accident at work today?" the barkeep asked. "Yes, I put my penis in the pickle slicer," the man replied...

"Her husband caught us"

I told a joke about a meat factory to my friends

They thought it was well done.

I randomly thought of this joke and considering it’s my cake day I thought I’d post it.

Just got fired from da carpet factory.

I can't understand it. I kept telling dem how much I love working on da rugs.

My first job was working at an orange factory

But I got canned because I couldn't concentrate.

How does a lawyer sleep?

First he lies on one side, then he lies on the other.



A few other excellent puns:

He wasn’t originally going to get a brain transplant, but then he changed his mind.

Which country’s capital has the fastest-growing population? - Ireland. It’s Dublin every day.

A ...

Working in a mirror factory

Is something I can totally see myself doing.

I work at a factory that makes plastic Dracula figures...

However, there's only two of us running the factory line, so I have to make every second count.

The worst job I ever had was at the canvas factory, pushing a large needle through 50 layers of cloth over and over and over...

Sew boring!

Two guys are waiting in the unemployment line.

Two guys waiting in the unemployment line worked side by side in the factory for 17 years before it closed down.

First guy up to the window doesn’t speak good English.

The Clerk asks, “What was your occupation?”

Man: “Dieselfitter”

Clerk: (looks in book) “ok that’s $795...

New car factory in USA

As I understand it the Audi car company are opening a new factory in Texas to produce a new SUV to be called the Audi Neighbour.

What’s the last thing they gave to Tickle Me Elmo before he left the factory?

Two Test Tickles.

Did you hear about the explosion at the Nissan factory?

It was raining Datsun cogs.

Abdul and his friend Mohammed are trying to migrate to australia as skilled workers.

They go to the Australian embassy in Lahore and start filling out the application.

Mohammed goes into an interview room with an embassy officer and they start discussing his work
Experience and whether he qualifies as skilled labor. ‘So what do you do, Mohammed?’ says the embassy worker. ...

Average things

In which factory do they make average things?

In a satisfactory.

My obese Ex-wife, Ally, worked in a Californian grenade factory. She got struck by a grenade during her lunch break while covered in sticky urine.

Supper Cali frag a lick stick ex pee Ally dough sus

There was an accident at a furniture factory last week - a guy fell into the sofa reupholstery machine.

...he is completely recovered now.

My uncle just died.

He fell into a vat of polish at the furniture factory.
It was a terrible end but a lovely finish.

Young man fresh out of college gets a job at a factory

When he arrives he surprised that he is assigned as junior janitor. Shocked he asks for the manager who hired him. “Didn’t you read I have a double major in Social Science and Anthropology”

“Oh” says the man, “ I must have missed that. OK let me explain. Lift the mop up and put in the bucket,...

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Kim Jong-Un has reportedly made a public appearance after opening a fertiliser factory.

I smell bullshit.

Why did the garment factory owner refuse to make wallets?

He was too clothes-minded.

When all this is over, I hope I can return to working at the mirror factory where I've worked for over fifteen years.

I really couldn't see myself doing anything else.

Netherlands work ( personal experience )

So, English is not my first language, it's my third. I moved to Netherlands some time ago and I got my first job. Apparently people here are nice? And they also pay their taxes? Did you guys know that? Anyway, the manager of the factory I worked in approached me to say ''hello'' and introduce himsel...

Graybeard engineer

The Graybeard engineer retired and a few weeks later the Big Machine broke down, which was essential to the company’s revenue.  The Manager couldn’t get the machine to work again so the company called in Graybeard as an independent consultant.

Graybeard agrees. He walks into the factory, take...

I first met my now-wife during an internship in a superglue factory, we were involved in a spill accident.

It was a real bonding experience.

If you work at a factory making kitchen work tops and you're very good at your job

Then ironically, you're being counter-productive.

Why did the laziest person at the factory keep a cucumber in their pocket?

They wanted everyone to think they were working hard.

Why did the woodland creatures burn down the Hoover factory?

Because nature abhors a vacuum..

A man worked his whole life at the pickle factory. One day he came home and informed his wife that he had been fired from his job.

She was in disbelief and near tears. "20 years of your life you gave them, and this is how they repay you!", she shouted, confused. "What happened, why were you laid off?"

"Well, for 20 years since I've worked there I've wanted to stick my pecker in the pickle slicer. Call it curiosity if you...

I used to work in a sausage factory

Until I backed into a grinder and got a little behind in my work.

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