I just got a job in a factory making plastic Draculas

There are only two of us on the production line, so I have to make every second count

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A husband comes home to his wife after being fired from the pickle factory...

His wife asks him "So what happened?"

The husband explains "I often get bored at work and today my mind was wandering and I thought to myself 'what would happen if I stuck my penis inside the pickle slicer?'"

The wife is clearly blind-sided by this confession and doesn't know what to s...

Had to quit my job at the watch factory.

The guy sitting opposite me, kept making faces.

What do you call a factory that makes okay products?

A satisfactory....

Two factory workers are talking.

Two factory workers are talking. The woman says, "I can make the boss give me the day off." The man replies, "And how would you do that?" The woman says, "Just wait and see." She then hangs upside down from the ceiling. The boss comes in and says, "What are you doing?" The woman replies, "I'm a ligh...

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There is a factory that makes the Tickle Me Elmo toys.

The toy laughs when you tickle it under the arms.   Well, Lena is hired at The Tickle Me Elmo factory and she reports for her first day promptly at 8:00 am.   The next day at 8:45 is there is a knock at the Personnel Manager’s door. The Foreman throws open the door and begins to rant about the new E...

Did you guys hear about the fatal accident at the cheese factory?

A photographer was photographing a group of tourists when a huge wheel of cheese fatally ran overhim.

To be fair the entire group was yelling out CHEESE!!!

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An 18 year old girl tells her mom that she has missed her last 2 periods...

Very worried, the mother goes to the drugstore and buys a pregnancy test. The test result shows that the girl is pregnant. Crying, cursing and Shouting the mother says, "Who was the bastard that did this to you? I want to know!"

The girl picks up the phone and makes a call. Half an hour later...

Have you heard about the man who recently died working at the glasses factory?

Apparently he fell right into the glass grinder, making a spectacle of himself.

A cheese factory exploded in France today

De Brie was everywhere

Have you guys heard of the huge fire at the shoe factory?

10,000 soles were lost. The police said some heels started it.

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A worker at a cucumber factory had this strange urge...

He wanted to stick his dick into the cucumber cutter. The urge was growing and growing until he decided to visit a psychiatrist.

The psychiatrist found that the only way to heal the urge was to actually go ahead and do it.

The next day the worker came home early, his wife asked why. As...

Got fired from my new job at the dairy factory for making 1% milk the wrong way...

...instead of following the directions exactly, I just skimmed them.

I got fired from the sandpaper factory

They said I was too abrasive

I didn't make it at the sandpaper factory

boss said I didn't have enough Grit

I got a job at a chess piece factory recently...

...I'm on the knight shift next week.

I've quit my job at the helium factory.

Nobody talks to me like that!

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A soap factory had a problem.

They sometimes shipped empty boxes without the bar inside. This challenged their perceived quality with the buyers and distributors. Understanding how important these relationships were, the CEO of the company assembled his top people. They decided to hire an external engineering company to solve th...

Just finished my first shift at a can crushing factory.

It was soda pressing.

I got fired from my job at the calendar factory a couple weeks ago.

I don't know why, all I did was take a few days off.

But it's okay, I think I'm going to become a mirror washer. It's something I can really see myself doing.

The largest condom factory in the States burned down.

President Trump was awakened at 4 am by the telephone.

"Sorry to bother you at this hour, Sir, but there is an emergency! I've just received word that the Durex factory in Washington has burned to the ground. It is estimated that the entire USA supply of condoms will be used up by the end of ...

An employee at the cookie factory fell into the dough mixing vat.

It looks like he's going to make it, but he was badly battered.

An Irish housewife is at home, being a homemaker, while her husband is away working at the Guinness factory

When she hears a knock on the door.

Upon answering the door, she sees it is two of her husband’s friends and co-workers.

“Mary,” says the first co-worker, “I’m afraid we have some terrible news. You see, there was an accident at the factory today, and your husband fell into a vat of th...

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Indian government wants to build a factory [long]

So they called for bids from several local and international companies. Three were shortlisted: one local, one Chinese, one Japanese.

* The Japanese firm offered to build it for 25 Mn dollars in six months, and offered a guarantee for 10 years. But they were not keen on bribing the contract o...

What do you call a cheese factory from the Middle East?

Cheeses of Nazareth

My first job was mending typewriters in a factory, boring job but...

The other employees where great characters...

A time keeper at a factory is in charge of blowing the whistle for the lunch break at noon.

When it's almost noon he looks at his watch and right when it strikes 12pm he blows the whistle.

One day he bumps his watch against something and he fears that it is a little off.

Wanting to make sure that he can do his job correctly he decides to go get his watch set by a professional...

How did the Mexican cheese factory report an equipment malfunction?

No whey, Hose A.

Why did the man quit his job at the donut factory?

He was fed up with the hole business!

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My friend works at a rubber dog-poop factory.

He'll never get rich, but he makes doo.

I was just driving past a dog food factory and it smelled really good.

Now I want Arby’s.

I really bonded with the guy at the glue factory.

We have been inseparable ever since we met.

there was an accident at the marmalade factory

it got a little jammed nothing could be preserved

There was an accident at the glass factory today

Onlookers could Only describe the scene as "paneful to watch"

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I hate my job, quality control at the strobe-light factory.

I'm busy working like a cunt, and everyone else is just fucking standing still.

This Easter, the catholic church is sourcing all of it's bread and wine from a factory in China.

It's called mass production.

The machine at the coin factory I work for stopped working.

It doesn't make any cents!

BREAKING NEWS: There was an explosion at the local cheese factory!

Da Brie is everywhere.

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I work in a factory that makes McDonalds french fries...

One of co-workers told me yesterday that he's always wanted to put his dick in the Potato Peeler. I tried to talk him out of it, but I could tell he had already made his mind up to do it. I saw him today; he was clearing out his desk. "So you went ahead and did it?" "Yeah, and I got caught, so they ...

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Did you hear the one about the blonde who worked at the toy factory?

The manager asked her “why do all of these Tickle Me Elmo dolls have two red balls attached?

She replied “I thought you said that every doll was supposed to get two test-tickles”

A new battery factory in Northumberland will offer jobs to ex-offenders

Applicants for the posts will have to prove they haven’t been charged for the last twelve months.

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Bill worked in a pickle factory.

He had been employed there for a number of years when he came home one dav to confess to his wife that he had a terrible compulsion. He had an urge to stick his penis in the pickle slicer.

His wife suggested that he should see a therapist to talk about it, but Bill indicated that he'd be too...

Got fired from my job at the keyboard factory

At first I just wasn’t putting in enough shifts, then I couldn’t keep the space clean and finally I lost control

I just quit my job working in a shoe factory

It was sole destroying

We were so poor when I was growing up, that my mother made us clothes out of the offcuts my dad would bring from home from work at the sandpaper factory.

It was rough.

I've just been made redundant from my job in a pasta making factory!!!!

All I did was make a fusilli mistakes!

Apparently Kraft are opening a new factory in the Holy Land. They're calling it . . .

Cheeses of Nazareth.

I worked in a helium factory

I resigned after a week, I wasn't going to be spoken to like that

Three men are talking in a Soviet gulag.

One of them asks the two others: "So what did you do?"

The first one answers: "Well, I arrived late at the factory, and so they accused me of slowing down the Revolution and the victory of the Proletariat."

The second one answers: "Well, I arrived early at the factory, and so they accu...

Sad News At The Nestle Factory

Sad news at the Nestle factory today when a member of staff was seriously injured when a pallet of chocolate fell more than 50 feet and crushed him underneath...

He tried in vain to attract attention but every time he shouted "The milky bars are on me" everyone cheered

I asked a friend if he likes his job at the battery factory.

He said it has pluses and minuses...

A man takes a job at a you factory

He is hired on to work the production line for Tickle me Elmo. He settles into his position, is given a quick set of instructions by his new supervisor and set to work. After finishing the instructions, the supervisor says: "It's super easy. Let me know if you have any questions. I'm check back in ...

Why did the blonde get fired from the M&M Factory?

She threw away all the w's.

My friend got fired at the fizzy drinks factory.

He was soda pressed.

The workers at Coca Cola factory are always enthusiastic and motivated to work....

That’s the sprite.

Last night a thief broke into the shoe factory. (Original, I think)

Police have identified a sole perpetrator.

I was laid off due to COVID, so I took a job at an origami factory

Unfortunately it folded.

I had a job canning drinks at a factory but have recently quit

It was soda pressing

Why was the man fired from the orange juice factory?

Because he couldn't concentrate.

If you work at a water bottle factory

It must be difficult to not drink on the job

I got my dream job at a guillotine factory.

I'll beheading there shortly.

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The guy who got a job at the pickle factory.

He came home from his first day and his wife asked him how it was. He said it was great, but he couldn't stop watching the pickle slicer. He knew it was wrong but he couldn't couldn't stop thinking about putting his penis in the pickle slicer. His wife thought that was a little bit weird.

Ti...

Where are average things made?

At the satisfactory!

How do you call a Lada on top of a hill?

A miracle.

-

 

-

And how do you call _two_ Ladas on top of a hill?

-

Science fiction

-

 

-

But how do you call _three_ Ladas on top of a hill?

-

An interesting place for a Lada factory.

My comrades were destroying the brick factory.

I said "Stop, we need the bricks!"

They replied, "That's why we're demolishing it."

Dumb and Dumber were fired from the M&Ms factory

Dumb and Dumber were fired from the M&Ms factory for tossing all the Ws!

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A guy gets a job working in a pickle factory.

A guy gets a job working in a pickle factory as a pickle packer and he excitedly goes home to tell his wife the good news.

"Try not to get fired, we really need this job" she tells him.

The first day on the job he comes home and she asks, "How was work today?"

He replies "I lo...

Did you hear about the police seige at the donut factory robbery?

The bad guys came out with all buns glazing.

My boss at the cereal factory pulled me into his office...

“I like your recipes son, but I think we should make some changes.”

“Ok”, I said, “Like What?”

“Well, first I’d like to dip it in sucrose. Then, I’d like to dust it with dextrose -“

“Stop right there”, I said. “No need to sugar coat it.”

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Johnny and Susie are working in a factory

Susie says it's too nice outside to be inside working. So, she bets Johnny she can get the rest of the day off. He takes the bet just as the boss comes walking out of his office. Susie climbs up and hangs from the rafters just as the boss walks by. He asks what she's doing and she says I'm a light b...

Does every Tickle-Me-Elmo have to have test-tickles before they leave the factory?

No, Not every one, only the males

A worker at the Zippo factory is showing their boss how the new machine works.

Suddenly, the lights go out. Wanting to finish the demonstration quickly, they try to continue with only the emergency lighting.

"The lights are too dim, I can't see what you're doing" the boss complains.

"I have an idea", says the worker. "Let's turn the machine on. "

The bos...

The Graybeard engineer

retired, and a few weeks later the Big Machine broke down, which was essential to the company’s revenue. The Manager couldn’t get the machine to work again so the company called in Graybeard as an independent consultant.
Graybeard agrees. He walks into the factory, takes a look at the Big Machi...

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Why was working in the butter factory such a high stress job?

Because there was no margarine for error.

Took a job in a fertiliser factory...

It's my first daytime job where they give me nitrates.

How can you tell the difference between a chemist and a chemical factory worker?

Write down the word *'unionized'* and ask them to pronounce it.

I asked my friend "whats it like working at a tire factory?"

apparently it wears thin after a while

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A man who works at a pickle factory comes home and is looking distraught...

His wife asks what's wrong

The man says: " I've been feeling the urge to stick my penis in the pickle slicer"

His wife says: " What?! Don't do that, you need to fight that urge"

The man agrees and he goes back to work the next day. He comes home distraught again.

" Did ...

Did you hear about the ruler factory that went out of business?

They just couldn’t measure up to the competition.

In the teats and comdoms factory.

The mayor is visiting a new factory where they make teats and comdoms. When they are near the machine that makes teats it sounds like

"fffff pop,
fffff pop,
fffff pop..."

The mayor asked her assistant to explain it.

Assistant: Well the "fffff" is when the latex gets inflat...

I've been out of work for a while but have just got a job at a factory making periscopes.

Things are looking up.

I really like going to the Old Spaghetti Factory, but..

I just wish they would make me a fresh plate.

A man is on a tour of the Yankee Candle Factory

A man was taking a tour of the Yankee Candle factory when he suddenly saw an incredibly large machine and had no idea what it was. he asked the employee giving the tour what it was, and the employee replied, “Oh! That’s our patented Yankee Candle Maker 5000™️!” The man seemed content and said to him...

A tennis factory was recently established near my house.

They’re making quite the racket

Did you hear about the bread factory burning down?

They say the business is toast.

I tried really hard to enjoy my job at a shoe factory.

But I just didn't fit in.

I just got a job at a factory that makes fire hydrants.

They would not let me park my car there.

Anybody hear about that guy that worked in the calender factory?

He took 2 weeks off in March.

What do workers in a tea factory never get?

Coffee breaks

Comrade Stalin is giving a speech...

Inspired by the recent post by /u/JTRuno:

Comrade Stalin is giving a speech to a packed house when someone in the crowd - a factory worker named Boris - sneezes.

Stalin stops. He sets down his notes and asks "who sneezed?".

Silence. You could hear a pin drop.

"I ask again...

A chap Tours a factory that produces latex products.

A chap is going on tour of a factory that produces latex products.
At the first stop, he's shown the machine that manufactures baby-bottle nipples. The machine makes a loud Hiss-Pop! noise.

"The hiss is the rubber being injected into the mold," explains the guide. "The popping sound is a ...

What do they call the lamp at the car factory that warns the workers that the engine is from eastern Europe?

The czech engine light.

My friend recently worked at a sugar refinery factory...

until his position was dissolved.

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A man that works in a pickle factory walked into his local pub after work wearing a hospital wristband. "Did you have an accident at work today?" the barkeep asked. "Yes, I put my penis in the pickle slicer," the man replied...

"Her husband caught us"

There was a man named billy, billy worked at a pickle factory. One day billy comes home to his wife and says...

...“honey I want to put my pp in the pickle slicer, his wife tells him that’s absurd and not to do it and then went to sleep. Billy goes to work the next day and comes home and tells his wife “honey I put my pp in the pickle slicer!” His wife yelled “what happened?! Was it bloody? Did it hurt?!” The...

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A girl gets pregnant

So when the father finds out he loses it and tells his daughter to call the father and tell him to come here immediately. After an hour an expensive sports car pulls infront of the house and a well dressed man gets out of the car. As soon as he gets in, he starts talking:

"Okay i know about t...

I told a joke about a meat factory to my friends

They thought it was well done.

I randomly thought of this joke and considering it’s my cake day I thought I’d post it.

She went missing !

Husband: My wife is missing. She went mountain biking yesterday and has not come home!

Officer: Age?

Husband: I'm not sure. Somewhere between 25 and 35. We don't do birthdays.

Officer: Height?

Husband: I'm not sure. A little over five-feet tall.

OFFICER : Weig...

Just got fired from da carpet factory.

I can't understand it. I kept telling dem how much I love working on da rugs.

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I don't have sex with my co-workers at the chewing gum factory

cause that would be a sticky business

A French story

French army officer reilised they had ran out of flags in their battalion.

He asks a soldier who he knows is good at art to make a flag with some paint they have in the factory they're held up in

The soldier agrees, and spends the whole night painting

Comes to the officer the ne...

Working in a mirror factory

Is something I can totally see myself doing.

What do you call a Mongolian dairy factory?

A yogyurt

The worst job I ever had was at the canvas factory, pushing a large needle through 50 layers of cloth over and over and over...

Sew boring!

Did you hear about the explosion at the Nissan factory?

It was raining Datsun cogs.

New car factory in USA

As I understand it the Audi car company are opening a new factory in Texas to produce a new SUV to be called the Audi Neighbour.

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