They fired me from the calendar factory

I don't know why. I just took a few days off.

Breaking News: Cheese factory explosion!

De Brie everywhere.

I'm starting my new job at the guillotine factory today.

I'll beheading there shortly.

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I put hidden cameras in every butter factory in the world and will sell access to them,

Some people just want to watch the world churn

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Yossel Zelkovitz worked in a Polish pickle factory.......

......for many years, he had a powerful, almost uncontrollable desire to put his penis in the pickle slicer.
Unable to stand it any longer, he finally sought professional help from the factory psychologist.


After six months of intense therapy, however, the frustrated therapist gave...

I was fired from the keyboard factory yesterday...

...I wasn't putting in enough shifts.

Why did the man decide to work at the mirror factory?

Because he could see himself doing it.

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What does Willy Wonka use to keep his factory clean?

Oompa Roombas

I just got hired at a light bulb factory.

The boss told me I have a bright future.

Elon Musk Announces Odd location for New Tesla Factory in the Country of........

Mad-at-gas-car

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What did the Barbie factory do when it ran out of belly buttons?

They called the the navel reserve, naturally.

I quit my job at the helium gas factory

I refused to be spoken to in that tone of voice

I can’t believe I got fired from the calendar factory.

All I did was take a day off.

I hated my job at the can crushing factory.

It was soda pressing.

What's the difference between a weapons factory and a children's hospital?

Don't ask me buddy. I just fly the drone.

I decided to go vegan after visiting the meat production factory.

The livestock conditions were appalling.
The process involving production of Meatballs and Salami was bad.
But wait till you see the one of German sausage. It was the wurst.

Edit : Sweden has already decided to bring in regulations. I'd say they are ahead of the korv.

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A man works at the Branston Pickle factory, and comes home at lunch time one day.

His wife asks, "why are you home so early?"

To which he replies, "I got fired. I got caught putting my willy in the pickle slicer."

The wife thinks this is absolutely obscene and horrible - so she immediately pulls his pants down and whips out his cock. It's fine. She sighs a sigh of r...

I applied for a job at a furniture factory and they said they had an opening for someone to inspect the mirrors.

I told them "That's a job I could really see myself doing."

A cheese factory exploded recently..

...Unfortunately, nothing could be salvaged except for de-brie.

Three Russians are sitting together in the train that takes them to the Gulag.

One of them asks the two others: "So what did you do?"

The first one answers: "Well, I arrived late at the factory, and so they
accused me of slowing down the Revolution and the victory of the Proletariat."

The second one answers: "Well, I arrived early at the factory, and so they...

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Started my job at the dildo factory today, and I can now tell you all, women want one thing.

And it’s unrealistic.

A factory worker is leaving with his wheelbarrow after a long workday.

On his way out, the worker is stopped by a security guard.

"What's in the box?" asks the guard.

"A box." replies the worker.

Annoyed, the guard says, "I know you have a small box. What's in the box?"

"Well, you know the sawdust on the floor is swept up and thrown away. W...

What is in common between a comedian, a chocolate factory owner and a criminal?

They are all running for Ukraine Presidency in 2019.

A guy I know works at the watch factory,

I ask him "So what do you do?"

He says "I stand around all day making faces"

^^^^thanks ^^^^Mary ^^^^Poppins

Did you hear about the guy that quit his job at a quilt filling factory?

He said he was fed up of feeling down...

A friend of mine had a terrible accident in a baguette factory.

He's now in a lot of pain.

What does every Tickle Me Elmo doll receive before leaving the factory?

Two test tickles...

I just got fired from the clock making factory

Because I put in too many hours.

Did you hear about that guy who got fired from the soda factory?

He got canned.

There was a very religious man that bought a nail factory

When the factory was about to open he hired a marketing guy to make a TV commercial, his only instruction was that it had to have a catholic theme. A few days go past and the guy returns with the video to show the factory owner. The video starts: there's a Roman soldier nailing Jesus, who is all blo...

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My friend got hired at a dildo factory

He got fired the very next day for sitting on the job

I was caught breaking into a cheese factory with a lock pick and a large stone.

The guard that caught me said "I get the lock pick but what's the Roquefort?"

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Bill has worked in a pickle factory for several years.

One day he confesses to his wife that he has a terrible urge to stick his penis into the pickle slicer. His wife suggests that he see a therapist to talk about it, but Bill vows to overcome this rash desire on his own.

A few weeks later, Bill returns home absolutely ashen. His wife asks, "Wha...

Did you hear about the fire at the shoe factory.

Over 200 souls were lost

What did the millennial Charlie say after visiting the chocolate factory?

It was choco-lit

Why should you own a coin factory?

It just makes cents.

I used to work at an orange juice factory...

But I couldn’t CONCENTRATE so I got CANNED

A friend of mine was looking for a job for months. He got hired by a clock making factory for 2$ an hour.

I asked him why he accepted the offer for so little pay.

He replied "It's not about the money."

"It's about damn time."

I used to work in a napkin factory in Russia...

I was in The Serviette Union.

I went for a guide through a factory once, but was not amused...

It was a dissatisfactory.

What is the motto for the fish stick factory?

In cod we crust.

What did the unhappy factory electrons do?

Unionize

A terrific explosion occurs in a gunpowder factory

And once all the mess has been cleared up, an inquiry begins. One of the few survivors is pulled up to make a statement.

"Okay Mr. Milly Terry," says the investigator, "you were near the scene, what happened ?"

"Well, it's like this. Old Hugh Cumber was in the mixing room, and I saw hi...

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I don't know why I was fired at the Viagra factory

The surveillance video showed me hard at work.

The new CEO of a factory comes in to work.

The new CEO of a factory comes into work, determined to turn things around. He sees a man standing on the floor of a factory, not doing any work.

He goes up to the man and asks, “What do you think you’re doing?”

The man shrugs and replies, “Just hanging around. Waiting to get paid.”...

I'd like to work in a factory that produces counter-tops

so I could get paid for being counter-productive.

Why was the blonde fired from the M&Ms factory?

Because she threw out all the Ws

What do you call a factory that produces OK products?

Satisfactory

I got the job of working in a mattress factory and went in it on the first day

It was the first time that I made my bed.

I've decided I want to work in a mirror factory.

It's something I can totally see myself doing.

Two factory workers are talking. The woman says,

Two factory workers are talking. The woman says, "I can make the boss give me the day off."
The man replies, "And how would you do that?"
The woman says, "Just wait and see." She then hangs upside-down from the ceiling.
The boss comes in and says, "What are you doing?"
The woman replies,...

Where do facts come from?

The factory.

Did you hear about the cowboys who deny robbing the glue factory?

They're sticking to their guns.

Did you hear about the child laborers that died at the candy factory?

It was Haribo.

Class trip to the coca-cola company factory

I hope there's no pop quiz


Cause I'm diabetic

Fire at Australian sausage factory (long)

One dark night in the small town of Woopwoop, W.A, a fire started inside the local sausage factory. In a blink the building was engulfed in flames.

The alarm went out to all the fire departments for miles around.
When the first volunteer fire fighters appeared on the scene, the sausage com...

The factory of the future will have only two employees...

...the man and the dog. The man will be there to feed the dog. The dog will be there to keep the man away from the machines.

Why did House Stark shut down the northernmost cereal factory in the Seven Kingdoms?

Cuz they were bad at Raisin’ Bran

Three Soviet men, away from home on factory surveys, are staying in a hotel and trying to kill time.

First it's just some idle chitchat, then at some point one of them decides to prank his companions and excuses himself. He goes out of the room and asks a maid to bring them all tea in fifteen minutes or so. He then gets back and casually slips in a joke. Fifteen minutes later they are all enthusias...

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A man comes home to his wife from his job at a relish factory one day

He has a confused, lost look on his face, so his wife asks what's wrong.

The man turns to her and says, "I've been having the strangest urge at work lately."

His wife, being the caring woman she is, asks "What is it."

The man sighs and says, "I keep wanting to put my dick in the...

A man complains about the noise of a tennis factory

"You lot are making a racket in there."

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My brother was fired from a factory job for sticking his dick in the pipe cutter during his shifts.

They fired her at the same time, too.

I work in a factory that makes Dracula figurines.

However, there are only 2 employees so I have to make every second count.

Have you ever been to a hot dog factory?

No, I haven't sausage a place.

What did Gene Wilder name his drug smuggling operation?

Charlie Up The Chocolate Factory

I'm not having much luck with jobs lately:

I couldn't concentrate in the orange juice factory.

I wasn't suited to be a tailor.

The muffler factory was just exhausting.

I couldn't cut it as barber.

I didn't have the patience to be a doctor.

I didn't fit in the shoe factory even though I put my soul into it.<...

I regret getting a manager position at soda factory...

It's so-da-grading.

What do you call a fake attempt to overthrow management at the puzzles and mind games factory?

Pseudo coux

I got fired from my job at the helium factory...

Because I refuse to be spoken to in that tone. I have always wanted a job in a mirror factory. It's a job I could see myself doing

A factory burned in a fire

One of the survivors, a worker from the factory, goes home to his wife
“Honey, there was a fire, the factory burned down and many of my coworkers died”
“That’s horrible!” She replied
“Tragic... The company is insuring the families of the deceased with hundreds of thousands of dollars”
<...

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A man goes home to his wife, after being fired from his job at a chips factory

The wife acts surprised, because the man has been employee of the month for 13 months in a row.

She asks "What happened?"

"I got fired for putting my penis in the potato cutter. It's been a dream of mine, and I couldn't resist it anymore", the man replied.

The wife, even more...

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Did you hear about the sex offender at the Hershey factory?

He stole a Kiss

Charlie couldn't believe he was being allowed into the chocolate factory...

His girlfriend had been dead against it for years!

A man goes to visit a lightbulb factory

The factory is very hot and sweaty and the work is clearly hard, even so the man says to a worker, "you seem happy."
"Why on earth would you think that?" replied the worker.


"Well, your constantly making light of things"

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Hell, I did't want to know how hot dogs were made. But I went to the factory anyway. Turns out, hot dogs are just stuffed with lips and assholes.

Now I eat turkey dogs... because lips are disgusting.

BREWER: We’re sorry to inform you Mrs. O’reilly that your husband drowned today at the Guinness factory

WIFE: Well at least give me the comfort in knowing it was a quick death

BREWER: well he drowned in only 15 minutes, short considering he got out of the keg twice to pee

Today, a man was injured at the local glass cleaner factory....

His injuries are very clear.

I was visiting a jam factory the other day,

They asked me if I had heard of any of the new techniques being used to grow berries. I told them that I wasn't up to date on my currant events.

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A Eunuch goes for a job in a factory

He has the interview and gets shown around the shop floor and is told that everyone works from 8am to 6pm, 5 days a week. When they get back to the office the Manager tells the Eunuch he has the job and can start at 8.30am on Monday. The Eunuch says "but everyone starts work at 8am" to which the Man...

Did you hear about the bombing at the garment factory?

Apparently there were over 100 casual tees.