The largest condom factory in the States burned down.

President Trump was awakened at 4 am by the telephone.

"Sorry to bother you at this hour, Sir, but there is an emergency! I've just received word that the Durex factory in Washington has burned to the ground. It is estimated that the entire USA supply of condoms will be used up by the end of ...

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I work in a factory that makes McDonalds french fries...

One of co-workers told me yesterday that he's always wanted to put his dick in the Potato Peeler. I tried to talk him out of it, but I could tell he had already made his mind up to do it. I saw him today; he was clearing out his desk. "So you went ahead and did it?" "Yeah, and I got caught, so they ...

When the cheese factory exploded, people found pieces of it miles away

There was de Brie everywhere

BREAKING NEWS: There was an explosion at the local cheese factory!

Da Brie is everywhere.

We were so poor when I was growing up, that my mother made us clothes out of the offcuts my dad would bring from home from work at the sandpaper factory.

It was rough.

I worked in a helium factory

I resigned after a week, I wasn't going to be spoken to like that

A man takes a job at a you factory

He is hired on to work the production line for Tickle me Elmo. He settles into his position, is given a quick set of instructions by his new supervisor and set to work. After finishing the instructions, the supervisor says: "It's super easy. Let me know if you have any questions. I'm check back in ...

I just got fired from my job at the keyboard factory.

They told me I wasn't putting in enough shifts.

Sad News At The Nestle Factory

Sad news at the Nestle factory today when a member of staff was seriously injured when a pallet of chocolate fell more than 50 feet and crushed him underneath...

He tried in vain to attract attention but every time he shouted "The milky bars are on me" everyone cheered

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The guy who got a job at the pickle factory.

He came home from his first day and his wife asked him how it was. He said it was great, but he couldn't stop watching the pickle slicer. He knew it was wrong but he couldn't couldn't stop thinking about putting his penis in the pickle slicer. His wife thought that was a little bit weird.

Ti...

I asked a friend if he likes his job at the battery factory.

He said it has pluses and minuses...

My comrades were destroying the brick factory.

I said "Stop, we need the bricks!"

They replied, "That's why we're demolishing it."

Got fired from my job at the keyboard factory

At first I just wasn’t putting in enough shifts, then I couldn’t keep the space clean and finally I lost control

I had a job canning drinks at a factory but have recently quit

It was soda pressing

I got my dream job at a guillotine factory.

I'll beheading there shortly.

Huge fire reported at the Nike shoe factory

Over a thousand soles were lost

Why did the man quit his job at the donut factory?

He was fed up with the hole business!

I was laid off due to COVID, so I took a job at an origami factory

Unfortunately it folded.

If you work at a water bottle factory

It must be difficult to not drink on the job

I quit my job at the helium factory,

I couldn't let them speak to me in that tone.

A worker at the Zippo factory is showing their boss how the new machine works.

Suddenly, the lights go out. Wanting to finish the demonstration quickly, they try to continue with only the emergency lighting.

"The lights are too dim, I can't see what you're doing" the boss complains.

"I have an idea", says the worker. "Let's turn the machine on. "

The bos...

Does every Tickle-Me-Elmo have to have test-tickles before they leave the factory?

No, Not every one, only the males

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Why was working in the butter factory such a high stress job?

Because there was no margarine for error.

Dumb and Dumber were fired from the M&Ms factory

Dumb and Dumber were fired from the M&Ms factory for tossing all the Ws!

What do you call a factory that makes great quality products?

A satisfactory

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Johnny and Susie are working in a factory

Susie says it's too nice outside to be inside working. So, she bets Johnny she can get the rest of the day off. He takes the bet just as the boss comes walking out of his office. Susie climbs up and hangs from the rafters just as the boss walks by. He asks what she's doing and she says I'm a light b...

Did you hear about the police seige at the donut factory robbery?

The bad guys came out with all buns glazing.

Why was the man fired from the orange juice factory?

Because he couldn't concentrate.

I've been out of work for a while but have just got a job at a factory making periscopes.

Things are looking up.

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What does a shitty camera and an extremely efficient eyewear factory have in common?

Two frames per second

I got fired from the Calendar Factory yesterday

They say it's because I took a day off

Took a job in a fertiliser factory...

It's my first daytime job where they give me nitrates.

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It's my cake day today, so I'll give you one of my favourite jokes since 15+ years ago.

There is a factory that makes the Tickle Me Elmo toys. The toy laughs when you tickle it under the arms.

Well, Lena is hired at The Tickle Me Elmo factory and she reports for her first day promptly at 8:00 am.

The next day at 8:45 am there is a knock at the Personnel Manager’s door. Th...

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A toothpaste factory had a problem

Due to the way the production line was set up, sometimes empty boxes were shipped without the tube inside. People with experience in designing production lines will tell you how difficult it is to have everything happen with timings so precise that every single unit coming off of it is perfect 100% ...

My boss at the cereal factory pulled me into his office...

“I like your recipes son, but I think we should make some changes.”

“Ok”, I said, “Like What?”

“Well, first I’d like to dip it in sucrose. Then, I’d like to dust it with dextrose -“

“Stop right there”, I said. “No need to sugar coat it.”

A tennis factory was recently established near my house.

They’re making quite the racket

Two factory workers are talking

The woman says, “I can make the boss give me the day off.”
The man asks, “And how would you do that?”
The woman says, “Just wait and see.”Then, she hangs upside-down from the ceiling.
The boss comes in and asks, “What are you doing?”
The woman replies, “I’m a light bulb.”
The boss the...

I really like going to the Old Spaghetti Factory, but..

I just wish they would make me a fresh plate.

I just got a job at a factory that makes fire hydrants.

They would not let me park my car there.

In the teats and comdoms factory.

The mayor is visiting a new factory where they make teats and comdoms. When they are near the machine that makes teats it sounds like

"fffff pop,
fffff pop,
fffff pop..."

The mayor asked her assistant to explain it.

Assistant: Well the "fffff" is when the latex gets inflat...

Did you hear about the ruler factory that went out of business?

They just couldn’t measure up to the competition.

How can you tell the difference between a chemist and a chemical factory worker?

Write down the word *'unionized'* and ask them to pronounce it.

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An 18 year old girl tells her mom that she has missed her last 2 periods

Very worried, the mother goes to the drugstore and buys a pregnancy test. The test result shows that the girl is pregnant. Crying, cursing and Shouting the mother says, "Who was the bastard that did this to you? I want to know!"

The girl picks up the phone and makes a call. Half an hour later...

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A guy gets a job working in a pickle factory.

A guy gets a job working in a pickle factory as a pickle packer and he excitedly goes home to tell his wife the good news.

"Try not to get fired, we really need this job" she tells him.

The first day on the job he comes home and she asks, "How was work today?"

He replies "I lo...

A chap Tours a factory that produces latex products.

A chap is going on tour of a factory that produces latex products.
At the first stop, he's shown the machine that manufactures baby-bottle nipples. The machine makes a loud Hiss-Pop! noise.

"The hiss is the rubber being injected into the mold," explains the guide. "The popping sound is a ...

What do they call the lamp at the car factory that warns the workers that the engine is from eastern Europe?

The czech engine light.

A man is on a tour of the Yankee Candle Factory

A man was taking a tour of the Yankee Candle factory when he suddenly saw an incredibly large machine and had no idea what it was. he asked the employee giving the tour what it was, and the employee replied, “Oh! That’s our patented Yankee Candle Maker 5000™️!” The man seemed content and said to him...

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A man who works at a pickle factory comes home and is looking distraught...

His wife asks what's wrong

The man says: " I've been feeling the urge to stick my penis in the pickle slicer"

His wife says: " What?! Don't do that, you need to fight that urge"

The man agrees and he goes back to work the next day. He comes home distraught again.

" Did ...

Anybody hear about that guy that worked in the calender factory?

He took 2 weeks off in March.

I tried really hard to enjoy my job at a shoe factory.

But I just didn't fit in.

What do workers in a tea factory never get?

Coffee breaks

My friend recently worked at a sugar refinery factory...

until his position was dissolved.

I asked my friend "whats it like working at a tire factory?"

apparently it wears thin after a while

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I don't have sex with my co-workers at the chewing gum factory

cause that would be a sticky business

There was a man named billy, billy worked at a pickle factory. One day billy comes home to his wife and says...

...“honey I want to put my pp in the pickle slicer, his wife tells him that’s absurd and not to do it and then went to sleep. Billy goes to work the next day and comes home and tells his wife “honey I put my pp in the pickle slicer!” His wife yelled “what happened?! Was it bloody? Did it hurt?!” The...

Did you hear about the bread factory burning down?

They say the business is toast.

The shoe factory burned down today. Sadly, there were no survivors.

Rest In Peace all those poor soles.

My first job was working at an orange factory

But I got canned because I couldn't concentrate.

Just got fired from da carpet factory.

I can't understand it. I kept telling dem how much I love working on da rugs.

New car factory in USA

As I understand it the Audi car company are opening a new factory in Texas to produce a new SUV to be called the Audi Neighbour.

I told a joke about a meat factory to my friends

They thought it was well done.

I randomly thought of this joke and considering it’s my cake day I thought I’d post it.

The worst job I ever had was at the canvas factory, pushing a large needle through 50 layers of cloth over and over and over...

Sew boring!

What’s the last thing they gave to Tickle Me Elmo before he left the factory?

Two Test Tickles.

I work at a factory that makes plastic Dracula figures...

However, there's only two of us running the factory line, so I have to make every second count.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A man that works in a pickle factory walked into his local pub after work wearing a hospital wristband. "Did you have an accident at work today?" the barkeep asked. "Yes, I put my penis in the pickle slicer," the man replied...

"Her husband caught us"

Working in a mirror factory

Is something I can totally see myself doing.

My obese Ex-wife, Ally, worked in a Californian grenade factory. She got struck by a grenade during her lunch break while covered in sticky urine.

Supper Cali frag a lick stick ex pee Ally dough sus

Did you hear about the explosion at the Nissan factory?

It was raining Datsun cogs.

I was getting a bit overworked at the helicopter factory.

So they put me on rotas.

Young man fresh out of college gets a job at a factory

When he arrives he surprised that he is assigned as junior janitor. Shocked he asks for the manager who hired him. “Didn’t you read I have a double major in Social Science and Anthropology”

“Oh” says the man, “ I must have missed that. OK let me explain. Lift the mop up and put in the bucket,...

There was an accident at a furniture factory last week - a guy fell into the sofa reupholstery machine.

...he is completely recovered now.

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Bill and the pickle slicer

Bill worked in a pickle factory. He had been employed there for a number of years when he came home one day to confess to his wife that he had a terrible compulsion. He had an urge to stick his penis into the pickle slicer. His wife suggested that he should see a sex therapist to talk about it, but ...

Why did the laziest person at the factory keep a cucumber in their pocket?

They wanted everyone to think they were working hard.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Kim Jong-Un has reportedly made a public appearance after opening a fertiliser factory.

I smell bullshit.

Why did the garment factory owner refuse to make wallets?

He was too clothes-minded.

When all this is over, I hope I can return to working at the mirror factory where I've worked for over fifteen years.

I really couldn't see myself doing anything else.

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A Business man decided to hire a Japanese, a German and a Chinese man to make his business run more smoothly.

He told the Japanese man that he is putting him in charge of productivity. The German was put in charge of efficiency. The Chinese man was put in charge of supplies.

A month later, he walks the factory floor and sees the workers working in unison like a well oiled machine which improved prod...

I used to work in a sausage factory

Until I backed into a grinder and got a little behind in my work.

If you ever feel like your life has no meaning

Just remember that there is a guy in the BMW factory installing turn signals.

I first met my now-wife during an internship in a superglue factory, we were involved in a spill accident.

It was a real bonding experience.

What do you call a political movement in a Pakistani factory?

A child labor party

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For many years he had a desire to put his penis in the pickle slicer..

Yossele Zelkovitz worked in a Jewish pickle factory.
For many years he had a powerful desire to put his penis in the pickle slicer.
Unable to stand it any longer, he sought professional help from the factory psychologist. After six months, the therapist gave up. He advised Yossel to go ahead...

Why did the woodland creatures burn down the Hoover factory?

Because nature abhors a vacuum..

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I work at a factory that turns organic waste into fence parts.

All I do for eight hours a day is make shit posts.

The British are feeling the pinch in relation to recent terrorist threats

and have raised their security level from "Miffed" to "Peeved." Soon, though, security levels may be raised yet again to "Irritated" or even "A Bit Cross." Brits have not been "A Bit Cross" since the blitz in 1940 when tea supplies all but ran out. Terrorists have been re-categorized from "Tiresome"...

I onece visited the Heinz Beans factory

It was a very uncanny experience

I wish people would kick the bucket more often

Would sure make Charlie and the Chocolate Factory more interesting

There once was a man who owned a sausage factory, and he was showing his arrogant preppy son around his factory.

Try as he might to impress his snobbish son, his son would just sneer.

They approached the heart of the factory, where the father thought, "This should impress him!"

He showed his son a machine and said, "Son, this is the heart of the factory. With this machine here we can put in a pig...

What did the man say when he got lost in a cheese factory?

"Excuse me sir, can you show me the whey?"

If you want a job in a moisturizer factory,

you should apply daily.

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An East End gang boss had always been very careful with whom he employed, for fear of being grassed up...

He thought he'd been really clever in hiring a crooked accountant who was deaf and dumb. There wasn't
much of a risk that he would overhear too much. However, it quickly dawned on the boss that
someone was stealing money from him. A lot of money. And it didn't take long for him to discover it<...

Why was the Blonde fired from ...

Why was the Blonde fired from the M&M factory?
She kept throwing away the W's!

What do you call a quick video-conference at the Mazda factory?

A zoom-zoom zoom Zoom.

A young woman gets her first job at the Tickle-me Elmo factory.

The boss takes her up to the office that overlooks the assembly line and tells her what her job is. Then he sends her down. About an hour later the line leader comes up to the office and says, “Boss you gotta get this new girl off my line. She’s killing production.”
The boss looks down out of his...

Why did the factory raising grizzlies for their hides not get shut down permanently by the court?

They had a right to bear farms.

A man worked his whole life at the pickle factory. One day he came home and informed his wife that he had been fired from his job.

She was in disbelief and near tears. "20 years of your life you gave them, and this is how they repay you!", she shouted, confused. "What happened, why were you laid off?"

"Well, for 20 years since I've worked there I've wanted to stick my pecker in the pickle slicer. Call it curiosity if you...

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