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A man goes home after being fired from his job at a chips factory.....

Wife is surprised because the man was employee of the month for 10 months in a row.

She asks "What happened?"

"I got fired for putting my penis in the potato cutter. It's been a dream of mine, and I couldn't resist it anymore", the man replied.

The wife, even more surprised afte...

Did you hear about the cheese factory that exploded in France?

There was nothing left but de Brie.

I called the bicycle factory and asked to speak to whoever was in charge of wheels. The person who answered said they weren’t there, so I asked, “Okay, who are you?” She responded...

“I'm his spokes person."

Two factory workers are talking among themselves.

The woman says, "I can make the boss give me the day off."

The man replies, "And how would you do that?"

To which the woman answers, "Just wait and watch."
She hangs herself upside down from the ceiling.

The boss comes in, takes a look at her and asks, "What are you doing?"...

Ladies, don't believe it when a factory worker says he wants a long term relationship.

You'll find he screws nuts and bolts.

How do you know that workers in factory that produces M&M's are protesting?

They start painting the m letters upside-down.

How do you know that workers in factory that produces M&M's are protesting really hard?

They paint the m letters on the wrong side of the chocolate candy.

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O'Connor's wife is home making dinner as usual when O'Brien, one of her husband's co-workers at the Guinness factory, arrives at her door.

"Grace, may I come in?" O'Brien asks. "I've somethin’ to tell ya".

"Of course. But where's Paddy?"

"That’s what I'm here to be telling ya, Grace", says O'Brien. "There was an accident down at the brewery…"

"Oh, God no!" cries Grace. “What's happened?"

"I'm sorry but Paddy...

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A husband comes home to his wife after being fired from the pickle factory...

His wife asks him "So what happened?"

The husband explains "I often get bored at work and today my mind was wandering and I thought to myself 'what would happen if I stuck my penis inside the pickle slicer?'"

The wife is clearly blind-sided by this confession and doesn't know what to s...

What do you call a okay factory?

A satisfactory

I work in a toy factory where dracula dolls are produced...

I only have one colleague at the production line so I have to make every second count.

I had to leave my job at the ceramics factory when they introduced the new equestrian range.

It was turning into a horse tile work environment.

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Why did Willy Wonka close his chocolate factory?

He was short staffed

All of the staff at the CoCo pops factory were murdered last night

They say it was the work of a Cereal Killer.

Rockwool is closing their factory in Russia

In an attempt to further isolate them

I got fired from the candle factory

Told them I didn’t want to work wick ends

Charlie and the Chocolate Factory is quite unrealistic but at least they got one thing right

The moment Charlie found that ticket all the scalpers started coming out.

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Russian elementary school assignmen: "please tell us an anecdote that demonstrates the kindness of our great leader Putin"

On the due date, the teacher has some students stand up and read their assignments in front of the class.

Little Igor goes first : "one day President Putin was walking down the street when he noticed a crying little girl. He asked what was troubling her, and she told him that her cat went up ...

Did you hear about the guy who immediately found a job after quitting from the helium factory?

Their references spoke very highly of them.

I grew up working in my Dad's mirror factory.

Upon reflection, it really changed my view of the world.

A foreman of a factory was making his rounds inspecting how all of the workers were doing their jobs.

“Well," he said to one blond worker, "I see you are doing a very diligent job stamping all of the boxes 'THIS SIDE UP'."

"Yes," the worker replied, eager to please, "and just to be extra sure I stamped the bottom also!"

Why is it so difficult to work at an apple pie factory?

Because they have such a high turnover rate!

The local cheese factory blew up!

There was da-brie everywhere!

Did you hear about the tortilla factory that had ties to the mob?

Turns out it was a shell company.

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In an alcohol factory the regular tester died and the director started looking for a new one to hire.

A drunkard with a ragged, dirty look came to apply for the position. The director of the factory wondered how to send him away. They tested him. They gave him a glass with a drink. He tried it and said,”It’s red wine, a muscat, three years old, grown on a north slope, matured in steel containers.” “...

I got fired from the keyboard factory today...

It seems I wasn't putting in enough shifts.

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The pickle factory

Yossel Abramovitz worked in a pickle factory. Unfortunately,
he had a very great and powerful desire to put his penis in the
pickle slicer.

This went on for years, and Yossel couldn't stand it any more.
So he decided to seek professional help for this odd infatuation
of his. He sp...

Why did the blonde get fired from an M&M factory?

She kept throwing out the Ws.

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There is a factory in Northern Minnesota which makes the Tickle Me Elmo toys.

The toy laughs when you tickle it under the arms. Well, Lena is hired at The Tickle Me Elmo factory and she reports for her first day promptly at 8:00 AM.

The next day at 8:45 AM there is a knock at the Personnel Manager's door. The Foreman throws open the door and begins to rant about the n...

The largest condom factory in the States burned down.

President Trump was awakened at 4 am by the telephone.

"Sorry to bother you at this hour, Sir, but there is an emergency! I've just received word that the Durex factory in Washington has burned to the ground. It is estimated that the entire USA supply of condoms will be used up by the end of ...

I work at a gaslight factory, i asked when lunch was.

They told me, "you already ate lunch"

I've quit my job at the helium gas factory

I refuse to be spoken to in that tone

I went to a cheese making factory

They talked about a special kind of milk that they used that produced only curds.

I was like "no whey!!"

Why did the man get fired from the orange juice factory?

He just couldn't concentrate!

I had to quit a broom factory

Because it really swept me away

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Why did the employee at the lightbulb factory get fired?

He told his supervisor to lighten the fuck up.

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The beer factory owner is ringing the bell at the house of the painter.

His wife opens the door.
"I have bad news for you", says the factory owner, "your husband was painting the ceiling of my factory and fell down into a tank of beer. He died.".
"O no", said the lady "did he suffer much?"
"I don't think so" says the owner, "he managed to get out twice to...

Did you hear about the fire in the shoe factory?

10,000 soles were lost. The police said some heels started it.

I've just applied for a job in a salad packing factory.

The hours are terrible, but apparently the celery is good.

Landed my dream job at a guillotine factory

Will beheading there tomorrow

An American manufacturer is showing his machine factory to a potential customer from Albania.

At noon, when the lunch whistle blows,


Two thousand men and women immediately
stop work and leave the building.


"Your workers, they're escaping!" cries the visitor.
"You've got to stop them."


"Don't worry, they'll be back," says the American. <...

I was sacked from a packing factory.

I had a big roll of bubble wrap and I said to the foreman "Boss, what shall I do with this?" He said "Just pop it over there in the corner". Took me all bloody day.

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A worker at a cucumber factory had this strange urge...

He wanted to stick his dick into the cucumber cutter. The urge was growing and growing until he decided to visit a psychiatrist.

The psychiatrist found that the only way to heal the urge was to actually go ahead and do it.

The next day the worker came home early, his wife asked why. As...

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I once got fired from a clock factory.

and after all those extra hours I put in...

And then I got fired from the keyboard factory.
They said I wasn't putting in enough shifts.

And then I got fired from the calendar company. I put in 8 days a week and they were PISSED!!!

Why did the absurdist lose his job at the perfume factory?

Because he didn't make any scents.

Which crayon at the Crayola factory is in charge of answering the phones?

Yellow?

There were these three guys. They all worked together at a factory. Everyday they noticed that their boss would leave work a little early.

So one day they meet together and say that today when the boss leaves, they'll all leave early too.
The boss left and so did they.

The first guy goes home and goes to bed so he can get an early start the next day.

The second guy goes home and cooks dinner.

The third guy goes ...

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I work in a factory that makes McDonalds french fries...

One of co-workers told me yesterday that he's always wanted to put his dick in the Potato Peeler. I tried to talk him out of it, but I could tell he had already made his mind up to do it. I saw him today; he was clearing out his desk. "So you went ahead and did it?" "Yeah, and I got caught, so they ...

Had to quit my job at the watch factory.

The guy sitting opposite me, kept making faces.

A man was working at a table factory, His supervisor said "break a leg"

After that he was fired

Do you ever feel useless?

You could be some German factory worker installing blinkers on a new BMW.

What’s the last thing that happens to a tickle me Elmo before it leaves the factory

It gets test tickles

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An 18 year-old Italian girl tells her mother she missed her period for two months...

Very worried, the mother goes to the farmacia (drugstore) and buys a pregnancy test. She brings it to her daughter who takes the test. The test result shows that the girl is pregnant. Shouting, cursing,
crying, the mother says, "Who was the pig that did this to you? I want to know!"

The...

Why did the man quit his job at the donut factory?

He was fed up with the hole business.

Daddy's Factory

Little Susie was asked what she wanted most for her birthday and she declared, "A baby brother." "Sweetheart, Daddy and I would like to give you a baby brother," said her mom, "But there just isn't time before your birthday."

Susie thought for a moment and replied, "Why don't you do like they...

CEO spots a man wandering in a factory

In a factory, A man standing on the floor, not doing any work and looking aimlessly.

CEO of that factory came and asked his salary.

Man replied "5000 sir"

CEO took out his wallet and gave 15000 and told him
"I pay people to work and not to waste time, This is your 3months sal...

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Bill worked in a pickle factory...

Bill worked in a pickle factory. He had been employed there for a number of years when he came home one day and confessed to his wife that he had a terrible compulsion. He had an urge to stick his penis into the pickle slicer.

His wife suggested that he should see a sex therapist to talk abou...

An Irish housewife is at home while her husband is away working at the Guinness factory when she hears a knock on the door.

Upon answering the door, she sees one of her husband’s friends and co-workers standing on the front porch.

“Mary,” says the man, “I’m afraid I have some terrible news. You see, there was an accident at the factory today, and your husband fell into a vat of the Guinness.”

“My God!” excl...

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(caution, horrible joke) I once asked an employee of a Pepto factory if they had a secret ingredient.

He told me it was none of my bismuth.

Did you hear about the plane that crashed into the trampoline factory?

Witnesses heard a loud Boeing!

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A man lost his job at the pickle factory...

He comes home to his wife and confesses...”honey I got fired from my
Job today.” “Oh no” she exclaims, “what happened?” “I stuck my penis in the pickle slicer” he says. “Oh my god” cried his wife, “will they have to replace the pickle slicer?” She asks. “Probably” he says, “she got fired too.”

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My friend works at a rubber dog-poop factory.

He'll never get rich, but he makes doo.

There's been an explosion at the paint factory where my brother works.

He's missing, presumed red.

Got fired from my job at the keyboard factory

At first I just wasn’t putting in enough shifts, then I couldn’t keep the space clean and finally I lost control

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A man is working in the shoe factory

A man is working in the shoe factory, talking with his supervisor from across the line. As he works on the incomplete shoe, he strikes up a conversation with his boss. "Anything new in your world Bob?" he asks. "Yeah, actually! I just finished my degree and am starting a 2nd job as a therapist!", he...

Jeez, that Comedy Festival at the beer factory really got out of control...

What a Brew Haha

A time keeper at a factory is in charge of blowing the whistle for the lunch break at noon.

When it's almost noon he looks at his watch and right when it strikes 12pm he blows the whistle.

One day he bumps his watch against something and he fears that it is a little off.

Wanting to make sure that he can do his job correctly he decides to go get his watch set by a professional...

I got fired from my job at the calendar factory

I got fired from my job at the calendar factory a couple weeks ago, and all I did was take a few days off.

But it's alright, I think I'm going to become a mirror washer.

It's something I can really see myself doing

How did the Mexican cheese factory report an equipment malfunction?

No whey, Hose A.

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A soap factory had a problem.

They sometimes shipped empty boxes without the bar inside. This challenged their perceived quality with the buyers and distributors. Understanding how important these relationships were, the CEO of the company assembled his top people. They decided to hire an external engineering company to solve th...

What did everyone say about Nathan when he got fired from the fortune cookie factory?

That’s unfortunate.

Have you heard about the man who recently died working at the glasses factory?

Apparently he fell right into the glass grinder, making a spectacle of himself.

What workplace smells the most?

The ol' factory.

Just finished my first shift at a can crushing factory.

It was soda pressing.

I’ve thought about working in a mirror factory

I could see myself doing it.

At a meeting in a factory, a lecturer from the district Party committee tells the workers about their bright future in the USSR.

At a meeting in a factory, a lecturer from the district Party committee tells the workers about their bright future in the USSR.

"See, comrades, after this five-year plan is completed, every family will have a separate apartment. After the next five-year plan is completed, every worker will h...

I didn't make it at the sandpaper factory

boss said I didn't have enough Grit

Got fired from my new job at the dairy factory for making 1% milk the wrong way...

...instead of following the directions exactly, I just skimmed them.

I really bonded with the guy at the glue factory.

We have been inseparable ever since we met.

What do you call a cheese factory from the Middle East?

Cheeses of Nazareth

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It might be a repost and badly written but my dad just told this to me and I thought it was too good to not share

Patrick and Mick worked at a factory and one day Patrick cut his arm off in a sawmill so mick put the arm in a plastic bag and took him to the hospital.

The next day mick rings up the doctor to ask how Patrick's doing.

The doctor says "he's just exercising in rehab"

Shocked, mi...

We were so poor when I was growing up, that my mother made us clothes out of the offcuts my dad would bring from home from work at the sandpaper factory.

It was rough.

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A man comes home to his wife from his job at a relish factory one day...

He has a confused, lost look on his face, so his wife asks what's wrong.

The man turns to her and says, "I've been having the strangest urge at work lately."

His wife, being the caring woman she is, asks "What is it."

The man sighs and says, "I keep wanting to put my dick in the...

My first job was mending typewriters in a factory, boring job but...

The other employees where great characters...

I was just driving past a dog food factory and it smelled really good.

Now I want Arby’s.

An employee at the cookie factory fell into the dough mixing vat.

It looks like he's going to make it, but he was badly battered.

Just In: Tough Guys Start Work on New Rock Factory

Brave building builders build big boulder building building.

Sad News At The Nestle Factory

Sad news at the Nestle factory today when a member of staff was seriously injured when a pallet of chocolate fell more than 50 feet and crushed him underneath...

He tried in vain to attract attention but every time he shouted "The milky bars are on me" everyone cheered

I just quit my job working in a shoe factory

It was sole destroying

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Did you hear the one about the blonde who worked at the toy factory?

The manager asked her “why do all of these Tickle Me Elmo dolls have two red balls attached?

She replied “I thought you said that every doll was supposed to get two test-tickles”

I asked my friend "whats it like working at a tire factory?"

apparently it wears thin after a while

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A guy gets a job working in a pickle factory.

A guy gets a job working in a pickle factory as a pickle packer and he excitedly goes home to tell his wife the good news.

"Try not to get fired, we really need this job" she tells him.

The first day on the job he comes home and she asks, "How was work today?"

He replies "I lo...

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Indian government wants to build a factory [long]

So they called for bids from several local and international companies. Three were shortlisted: one local, one Chinese, one Japanese.

* The Japanese firm offered to build it for 25 Mn dollars in six months, and offered a guarantee for 10 years. But they were not keen on bribing the contract o...

there was an accident at the marmalade factory

it got a little jammed nothing could be preserved

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I hate my job, quality control at the strobe-light factory.

I'm busy working like a cunt, and everyone else is just fucking standing still.

The machine at the coin factory I work for stopped working.

It doesn't make any cents!

I worked in a helium factory

I resigned after a week, I wasn't going to be spoken to like that

I've just been fired from the clock making factory

after all those extra hours I put in.

Apparently Kraft are opening a new factory in the Holy Land. They're calling it . . .

Cheeses of Nazareth.

A businessman was flying on a plane surrounded by hundreds of kids. A lady went and sat down next to him.

"Are these all your kids?", she asked.

The man replied, "No. I work at a condom factory, and these are all the complaints."

I was laid off due to COVID, so I took a job at an origami factory

Unfortunately it folded.

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Family ties, or is we kin?

Two good ol' boys in a Tennessee trailer park were sitting around talking one afternoon over a cold beer after getting off work at the local factory.


After a few beers, the first guy says to the second,

"If'n I was to sneak over to your trailer Saturday and make love to your ...

If you work at a factory making kitchen work tops and you're very good at your job

Then ironically, you're being counter-productive.

A new battery factory in Northumberland will offer jobs to ex-offenders

Applicants for the posts will have to prove they haven’t been charged for the last twelve months.

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A man who works at a pickle factory comes home and is looking distraught...

His wife asks what's wrong

The man says: " I've been feeling the urge to stick my penis in the pickle slicer"

His wife says: " What?! Don't do that, you need to fight that urge"

The man agrees and he goes back to work the next day. He comes home distraught again.

" Did ...

A man takes a job at a you factory

He is hired on to work the production line for Tickle me Elmo. He settles into his position, is given a quick set of instructions by his new supervisor and set to work. After finishing the instructions, the supervisor says: "It's super easy. Let me know if you have any questions. I'm check back in ...

A man worked his whole life at the pickle factory. One day he came home and informed his wife that he had been fired from his job.

She was in disbelief and near tears. "20 years of your life you gave them, and this is how they repay you!", she shouted, confused. "What happened, why were you laid off?"

"Well, for 20 years since I've worked there I've wanted to stick my pecker in the pickle slicer. Call it curiosity if you...

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