I can’t believe I got fired from the calendar factory…

All I did was take a day off!

Did you hear about the french cheese factory explosion?

de Brie everywhere

Two factory workers are talking. The woman says, “I can make the boss give me the day off.”

The man asks, “And how would you do that?”



The woman says, “Just wait and see.”



She then hangs upside down from the ceiling.



The boss comes in and asks, “What are you doing?”



The woman replies, “I’m a light bulb.”



The boss th...

I got an e-mail from a buddy of mine. He always has trouble spelling certain words. He said he quit his job at the glue factory. Upper management wanted everyone to put out 2,500 tubes per hour

I guess he's not the type to work in a fast paste environment.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

John worked in a pickle factory.

He had been employed at the factory for a number of years when he came home one day to confess to his wife that he had a terrible compulsion. He had an urge to stick his penis into the pickle slicer.

His wife suggested that he should see a sex therapist to talk about it, but John indicated th...

I was fired from my job at the orange juice factory

I couldnt concentrate

What do you call the first level of a coffee factory?

The ground floor.

What do you call the security guards outside the Samsung factory?

The Guardians of the Galaxy.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Why did the guy quit his job at the turd balancing factory?

He couldn’t stand that shit. 😂

i got fired from the keyboard factory today.

apparently i wasn't putting in enough shifts.

One day in a factory accident, one of the workers gets all 10 of his fingers cut off.

They rush him to the emergency room.

Doctor: Don't worry, we can reattach your fingers. Where are they?
Worker: They're back at the factory.
Doctor: What!? Why didn't you bring them?
Worker: I couldn't pick them up!

If you work at a factory making kitchen work tops and you're very good at your job

Then ironically, you're being counter-productive.

I was caught up in an explosion at a sauce factory

It was traumatising, but I finally mustard up the courage to talk about it

A man worked his whole life at the pickle factory. One day he came home and informed his wife that he had been fired from his job.

She was in disbelief and near tears. "20 years of your life you gave them, and this is how they repay you!", she shouted, confused. "What happened, why were you laid off?"

"Well, for 20 years since I've worked there I've wanted to stick my pecker in the pickle slicer. Call it curiosity if you...

Did you hear about the massacre at the shoe factory?

100 soles were lost.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Why did the man hate his job at the dildo factory?

His work was too hard.

I just got fired from the pasta factory :(

I made a fusili mistakes.

There was once a cheese factory. One day however, a fire broke out and the factory was desteoyed.

There was alot of De Brie.

I got sacked from my job at the guillotine factory today

It’s a cut throat business

Just quit my job at the Helium factory.

There's no way I'm being spoken to in that tone.

What does every tickle me Elmo get before it leaves the factory?

Two test tickles

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Why did the man quit his job at the Viagra factory?

Because he wasn't getting a raise... yeah :/

A man stands outside of a toothbrush factory

The owner of the toothbrush factory arrives early in the morning to find a man he has never met standing outside of the front doors.

As he approaches, the stranger sees him and says "Hey misther, I want to shell Toofbruthes for you!"

The factory owner is a little weirded out, but the ...

Did you guys hear about the French cheese factory that burnt down recently?

The only thing left was da Brie.

Why is working at a Pork Sausage factory the worst job?

Because every day is Ground Hog day.

What do you call a factory that sells good products?

A satisfactory.

A man was recently murdered at an ice factory

The prosecutors said it was a cold blooded killer.

I used to work in a messy munitions and glue factory

I asked for a pay rise, but the management stuck to their guns

Working in a mirror factory is something...

I can totally see myself doing.

There was an explosion at a French cheese factory earlier today

Officials say theres nothing but de brie left.

Why'd the cheese factory fire the guy with no toes?

They were lack toes intolerant.

I recently went to a coin factory...

I was in awe at all of the machines and moving parts that filled the factory. At first, I didn't understand what was happening, but then it dawned on me. It all makes cents.

So I used to work in a keyboard factory

I got fired because I always lost CTRL and because of that I went HOME and lost a lot of SHIFTS. I guess F8 didn't want me to work there.

A health inspector went to a latex factory.

The factory looked clean so far, and he went over to the gloves department. He saw that the workers dipped their hand into the latex, waited for it to cool and peeled it off. He immediately called the manager to complain of this health code violation. The manager said: "You ain't seen nothing yet, w...

At the ceramic tile factory they have employee parties where they make the tiles stand on edge. Instead of commending the skill involved they make fun of eachother.

It is an erect tile diss function.

I'm starting my new job at the guillotine factory today.

I'll beheading there shortly.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Yossel Zelkovitz worked in a Polish pickle factory.......

......for many years, he had a powerful, almost uncontrollable desire to put his penis in the pickle slicer.
Unable to stand it any longer, he finally sought professional help from the factory psychologist.


After six months of intense therapy, however, the frustrated therapist gave...

I used to work in a candle factory...

...
Until i blew it

The calender-printing factory fired me today.

Why, though? All I did was take a week off.

Why is a job at the broken keyboard factory so lucrative?

There's plenty of extra shifts to pick up.

I went to a cheese factory the other day, but there was a massive explosion.

There was de *brie* everywhere.



Sorry, too *cheesy*?

A man calls an aquarium factory.

He says, "I understand that you manufacture custom fish tanks of all sizes?"

"That's right."

"Perfect. You see, my company manufactures silicon breast implants. We've found that our products last longer when stored in water. If we had some kind of very large glass storage containers, c...

A man owns a factory with his wife

Everything's running smoothly, production is typical.

And then the factory explodes.

"This is bad," his wife says, "We have to get this factory rebuilt. We have to get production back on schedule. How long is it going take?"

The man pores over the papers for a moment, types som...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A guy works at the pickle factory

After work, at the pub he says to his buddy: Hey you know I keep having this urge to put my penis in the pickle slicer at work.
His buddy is like "you are crazy", "don't do it", "you will regret it".
One day after work, he sees his friends and says, I finally did it.. I put my penis in the p...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I put hidden cameras in every butter factory in the world and will sell access to them,

Some people just want to watch the world churn

Went to the Coca-Cola factory last week. At the end of the tour our guide asked if I would like a complimentary beverage

"Sure. I'll have a regular Coke, please."

"Is Pepsi okay?"

I got fired from the rubber band factory yesterday...

My first thought was "Oh snap!"



(Again from my son)

Three Russians are sitting together in the train that takes them to the Gulag.

One of them asks the two others: "So what did you do?"

The first one answers: "Well, I arrived late at the factory, and so they
accused me of slowing down the Revolution and the victory of the Proletariat."

The second one answers: "Well, I arrived early at the factory, and so they...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What happens when a kamikaze bomber blows up a chocolate peanut butter cup factory?

Reeses pieces

I hated my job at the can crushing factory.

It was soda pressing.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A man works at the Branston Pickle factory, and comes home at lunch time one day.

His wife asks, "why are you home so early?"

To which he replies, "I got fired. I got caught putting my willy in the pickle slicer."

The wife thinks this is absolutely obscene and horrible - so she immediately pulls his pants down and whips out his cock. It's fine. She sighs a sigh of r...

2 shifts at the window factory

No bathroom brakes.
It was a pane in the glass.

What's the difference between a video game console and a glue factory

One's a Sony Playstation and the other's a pony slaystation.

Why did the blonde get fired from the M&M factory?

Cuz she threw away all of the W’s

Breaking News: Thieves break into Wig Factory; Steal 500 pounds of hair.

When questioned by the press, the owner said, "When these guys are caught, there's gonna be hell toupee!"

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

My friend got hired at a dildo factory

He got fired the very next day for sitting on the job

Why did the man decide to work at the mirror factory?

Because he could see himself doing it.

I applied for a job at a furniture factory and they said they had an opening for someone to inspect the mirrors.

I told them "That's a job I could really see myself doing."

A cheese factory exploded recently..

...Unfortunately, nothing could be salvaged except for de-brie.

What's the difference between a weapons factory and a children's hospital?

Don't ask me buddy. I just fly the drone.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What does Willy Wonka use to keep his factory clean?

Oompa Roombas

I once knew a guy who worked in a watch factory

He was paid to stand around making faces.

I decided to go vegan after visiting the meat production factory.

The livestock conditions were appalling.
The process involving production of Meatballs and Salami was bad.
But wait till you see the one of German sausage. It was the wurst.

Edit : Sweden has already decided to bring in regulations. I'd say they are ahead of the korv.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Started my job at the dildo factory today, and I can now tell you all, women want one thing.

And it’s unrealistic.

A guy I know works at the watch factory,

I ask him "So what do you do?"

He says "I stand around all day making faces"

^^^^thanks ^^^^Mary ^^^^Poppins

A factory worker is leaving with his wheelbarrow after a long workday.

On his way out, the worker is stopped by a security guard.

"What's in the box?" asks the guard.

"A box." replies the worker.

Annoyed, the guard says, "I know you have a small box. What's in the box?"

"Well, you know the sawdust on the floor is swept up and thrown away. W...

I was caught breaking into a cheese factory with a lock pick and a large stone.

The guard that caught me said "I get the lock pick but what's the Roquefort?"

What is in common between a comedian, a chocolate factory owner and a criminal?

They are all running for Ukraine Presidency in 2019.

A friend of mine was looking for a job for months. He got hired by a clock making factory for 2$ an hour.

I asked him why he accepted the offer for so little pay.

He replied "It's not about the money."

"It's about damn time."

Did you hear about the guy that quit his job at a quilt filling factory?

He said he was fed up of feeling down...

What did the millennial Charlie say after visiting the chocolate factory?

It was choco-lit

Why should you own a coin factory?

It just makes cents.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I don't know why I was fired at the Viagra factory

The surveillance video showed me hard at work.

I’m not having much luck with jobs lately.

I couldn’t concentrate in the orange juice factory; wasn’t suited to be a tailor; the muffler factory was just exhausting; couldn’t cut it as barber; didn’t have the patience to be a doctor; didn’t fit in the shoe factory; pool maintenance was too draining and I just couldn’t see any future as a his...

I used to work in a napkin factory in Russia...

I was in The Serviette Union.

I went for a guide through a factory once, but was not amused...

It was a dissatisfactory.

There was a very religious man that bought a nail factory

When the factory was about to open he hired a marketing guy to make a TV commercial, his only instruction was that it had to have a catholic theme. A few days go past and the guy returns with the video to show the factory owner. The video starts: there's a Roman soldier nailing Jesus, who is all blo...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A man comes home to his wife from his job at a relish factory one day...

He has a confused, lost look on his face, so his wife asks what's wrong.

The man turns to her and says, "I've been having the strangest urge at work lately."

His wife, being the caring woman she is, asks "What is it."

The man sighs and says, "I keep wanting to put my dick in the...

What is the motto for the fish stick factory?

In cod we crust.

Did you hear about the accident at the soup factory?

4 workers got canned.

The new CEO of a factory comes in to work.

The new CEO of a factory comes into work, determined to turn things around. He sees a man standing on the floor of a factory, not doing any work.

He goes up to the man and asks, “What do you think you’re doing?”

The man shrugs and replies, “Just hanging around. Waiting to get paid.”...

I'd like to work in a factory that produces counter-tops

so I could get paid for being counter-productive.

Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.