UPJOKE
assembly linemachinemanufactorymillchemical plantmass productionmanufacturingwarehouseplantmanufacturerfoundrysweatshopindustrialsteelworksproduction

Factory Jokes

I was fired from the keyboard factory today.

I wasn't putting in enough shifts.
upvote downvote report

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Bill has worked in a pickle factory for several years

One day he confesses to his wife that he has a terrible urge to stick his penis into the pickle slicer.

His wife suggests that he see a therapist to talk about it, but Bill vows to overcome this rash desire on his own.

A few weeks later, Bill returns home absolutely ashen.

Hi...

Did you hear about the cheese factory in France that exploded ?

There was nothing left but de brie
upvote downvote report

Please help me I'm trapped. In a Haiku factory.

Save me before they
upvote downvote report

Two factory workers are talking among themselves.

The woman says, "I can make the boss give me the day off."

The man replies, "And how would you do that?"

To which the woman answers, "Just wait and watch."
She hangs herself upside down from the ceiling.

The boss comes in, takes a look at her and asks, "What are you doing?"...
upvote downvote report

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I work in a factory that makes McDonalds french fries...

One of co-workers told me yesterday that he's always wanted to put his dick in the Potato Peeler. I tried to talk him out of it, but I could tell he had already made his mind up to do it. I saw him today; he was clearing out his desk. "So you went ahead and did it?" "Yeah, and I got caught, so they ...

I've just been fired from the clock making factory

after all those extra hours I put in.
upvote downvote report

I can’t believe I just got sacked from the keyboard factory

They said I wasn’t putting enough shifts in
upvote downvote report

I just got a job in a factory making plastic Draculas

There are only two of us on the production line, so I have to make every second count
upvote downvote report

A man buys a paint factory in a small town.

He visits the local volunteer fire department to see for himself if they'd be able to handle a fire at his plant. What he finds convinces him they could not...the whole fire department consists of one old pumper truck and a bunch of volunteers he finds less than reliable. He tells them "Boys, I'm so...
upvote downvote report

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A worker at a cucumber factory had this strange urge...

He wanted to stick his dick into the cucumber cutter. The urge was growing and growing until he decided to visit a psychiatrist.

The psychiatrist found that the only way to heal the urge was to actually go ahead and do it.

The next day the worker came home early, his wife asked why. As...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A man comes home to his wife from his job at a relish factory one day...

He has a confused, lost look on his face, so his wife asks what's wrong.

The man turns to her and says, "I've been having the strangest urge at work lately."

His wife, being the caring woman she is, asks "What is it."

The man sighs and says, "I keep wanting to put my dick in the...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A man goes home to his wife, after being fired from his job at a chips factory..

The wife acts surprised, because the man has been employee of the month for 13 months in a row.
She asks "What happened?"
"I got fired for putting my penis in the potato cutter. It's been a dream of mine, and I couldn't resist it anymore", the man replied.
The wife, even more surprised afte...

Got fired from my job at the keyboard factory

At first I just wasn’t putting in enough shifts, then I couldn’t keep the space clean and finally I lost control
upvote downvote report

The beverage factory

Steve just got a job at the beverage factory and is getting a tour from the manager on his first day. The manager spends this time explaining the different assembly lines.

"Over here," the manager says, "is the lemonade assembly line. we take the product, package it up and prepare it to ship....
upvote downvote report

Just quit my job at the helium factory.

I will not be spoken to in that tone of voice.
upvote downvote report

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A husband comes home to his wife after being fired from the pickle factory...

His wife asks him "So what happened?"

The husband explains "I often get bored at work and today my mind was wandering and I thought to myself 'what would happen if I stuck my penis inside the pickle slicer?'"

The wife is clearly blind-sided by this confession and doesn't know what to s...

I recently quit my job at the orange juice factory......

I just couldn’t concentrate.
upvote downvote report

strike at suppository factory

many impacted
upvote downvote report

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

In an alcohol factory the regular tester died and the director started looking for a new one to hire.

A drunkard with a ragged, dirty look came to apply for the position. The director of the factory wondered how to send him away. They tested him. They gave him a glass with a drink. He tried it and said,”It’s red wine, a muscat, three years old, grown on a north slope, matured in steel containers.” “...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A toothpaste factory had a problem.

They sometimes shipped empty boxes
without the tube inside. This challenged their perceived quality with the
buyers and distributors. Understanding how important the relationship with
them was, the CEO of the company assembled his top people. They decided to
hire an external engineering ...

An old Soviet joke

A Soviet delegation visits an American car factory.

"Whose factory is that?" asks a Soviet visitor.

"It belongs to capitalist billionaire Henry Ford," answers the American guide.

"And whose are the hundreds of cars in the parking lot?" asks the visitor.

"They belong to th...
upvote downvote report

Not just anyone can work at the Mountain Dew factory

You gotta have a can dew attitude.
upvote downvote report

The largest condom factory in the States burned down.

President Trump was awakened at 4 am by the telephone.

"Sorry to bother you at this hour, Sir, but there is an emergency! I've just received word that the Durex factory in Washington has burned to the ground. It is estimated that the entire USA supply of condoms will be used up by the end of ...
upvote downvote report

My uncle was injured in an explosion at the cheese factory today.

He was hit by a chunk of da Brie
upvote downvote report

A repairman was hired to repair a large machine in a factory.

He showed up, examined the machine, then tapped it once with a hammer. It started up. The factory owner was pleased, but not when he got a bill from the repairman for $100. He thought that was outrageous, and he asked for an itemized bill. So the repairman handed him a bill which said:

Tappin...
upvote downvote report

I've just applied for a job in a salad packing factory.

The hours are terrible, but apparently the celery is good.
upvote downvote report

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Husband comes home after getting fired from the pickle factory...

his wife asks, what the hell happened?! He says "I got caught sticking my dick in the pickle slicer." "Dear lord!" she declares. "Are you OK?" "Yea, I'm totally fine." he says. "Was the pickle slicer turned on?" she says, to which the husband replied "Yea, she loved it."

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

The pickle factory

Yossel Abramovitz worked in a pickle factory. Unfortunately,
he had a very great and powerful desire to put his penis in the
pickle slicer.

This went on for years, and Yossel couldn't stand it any more.
So he decided to seek professional help for this odd infatuation
of his. He sp...

What do you call a factory that makes okay products?

A satisfactory....
upvote downvote report

Why did the match factory burn down?

Because the workers went on strike


I just thought of this, not sure whether its an original joke
upvote downvote report

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

The pickle factory worker

Jim worked in a pickle factory, and one day he got the strongest urge to stick his penis in the pickle slicer. He knew he shouldn’t do it, but the urges were just too much. He went to the on call psychologist offered through his employer and confided his urge with them.

First session:

...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A womans husband worked at a Pickle Factory...

One day, her husband comes home and says, "Dear, for years at work I have had the powerful urge to stick my dick in the pickle slicer. Every day, when I walk past the pickle slicer, I get the compulsion to just stick it in. Well, today, I gave in and shoved my dick in the pickle slicer right there o...

During World War II a French cheese factory was destroyed.

Debris was everywhere.
upvote downvote report

I got fired from the catapult factory...

...because I'd been firing people from the catapult factory.
upvote downvote report

I had an uncle who worked at a whiskey factory. He fell into a vat and drowned 6 hours later.

He would have drowned earlier but he got out 3 times to pee.
upvote downvote report

I’m not having much luck with jobs lately.

I wasn’t suited to be a tailor.

The muffler factory was just exhausting.

I couldn’t cut it as a barber.

I didn’t have the patience to be a doctor.

I wasn’t a good fit in the shoe factory even though I put my soul into it.

The paper shop folded. Pool maintenance...
upvote downvote report

I was fired from my job in the Tickle Me Elmo factory

My boss didn't like me giving each Elmo two test tickles.
upvote downvote report

Factory arson

A factory producing frozen Chinese dumplings is reported to have suffered the worst case of arson in recent history, presumed to be the work of a disgruntled worker.

The police chief said he had never seen a case of such wonton destruction.
upvote downvote report

I used to work in a calender factory.

I got fired for taking a few days off.
upvote downvote report

What do they do at the teddy bear factory?

Stuff.
upvote downvote report

Why did the guy hate his job at the can crushing factory?

It was soda pressing.
upvote downvote report

I got fired from the top secret Heinz factory the other day...

I spilled the beans.
upvote downvote report

A factory manager in China heard about the 4 day work week

Loves it. Started making all his employees do it twice a week.
upvote downvote report

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

My friend got hired at a dildo factory

He got fired the very next day for sitting on the job

Three men are talking in a Soviet gulag.

One of them asks the two others: "So what did you do?"

The first one answers: "Well, I arrived late at the factory, and so they accused me of slowing down the Revolution and the victory of the Proletariat."

The second one answers: "Well, I arrived early at the factory, and so they accu...
upvote downvote report

Sausage Factory

A Mississipi Man took his son to visit a sausage factory.

- See this my son? This is a modern machine in which a donkey was placed on one side and the sausage came out ready on the other side.

- Dad, is there a machine like this one, where we put the sausage and it releases a donke...
upvote downvote report

Had to quit my job at the watch factory.

The guy sitting opposite me, kept making faces.
upvote downvote report

Every machine in the coin factory shut down suddenly with no explanation

It just didn’t make any cents
upvote downvote report

Never ever time travel in a shoe factory...

You'll end up causing a pair of docs!
upvote downvote report

Why do all the workers in the perfume factory look the same?

The managers cologne them.
upvote downvote report

My sister who works at an upholstery factory fell into one of the machines yesterday….

Don’t worry she’s recovered
upvote downvote report

What did the worker at the rubber band factory say when he was fired?

Oh snap.
upvote downvote report

My dad's bread factory burnt down

Now his business is toast
upvote downvote report

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

My brother was fired from a factory job for sticking his dick in the pipe cutter during his shifts.

They fired her at the same time, too.

Did you hear about the perfume factory that went bankrupt?

It just stopped making scents/sense/cents
upvote downvote report

The Factory (OC)

"Jenkins!" the boss screamed. "I need you to go to China. The factory reports that they are turning out product as fast as they possibly can, but that just can't be right. I need you to go see what's going on."

So on Tuesday, Jenkins flew to Shanghai and drove to the factory, where he persona...
upvote downvote report

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Why did Willy Wonka close his chocolate factory?

He was short staffed.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

So, this guy works at a pickle factory...

...and one day when he comes home from work, his wife can immediately tell something is wrong. "What's the matter?" she asks. "Well," says the husband, "Lately, at work, I've been having bad thoughts... really bad. I feel compelled to stick my dick in the pickle slicer." "That's horrible!" shouts hi...

There was a fire at an aromatherapy candle factory

The situation is now calm.
upvote downvote report

I once went on a school trip to a coffee factory.

We were having a guided tour around the production line but sadly one of my friends fell into the coffee grinder and died.

Luckily it was instant.
upvote downvote report

Why did Billy get fired from the banana factory?

He kept throwing out the bent ones.
upvote downvote report

An Irish housewife is at home, being a homemaker, while her husband is away working at the Guinness factory

When she hears a knock on the door.

Upon answering the door, she sees it is two of her husband’s friends and co-workers.

“Mary,” says the first co-worker, “I’m afraid we have some terrible news. You see, there was an accident at the factory today, and your husband fell into a vat of th...
upvote downvote report

The owner of a large factory decided to make a surprise visit and check up on his staff

As he walked through the plant, he noticed a young man doing nothing but leaning against the wall. He walked up to the young man and said angrily:
\-“How much do you make a Week?”
\-“Three hundred bucks,” replied the young man.
Taking out his wallet, the owner counted out th...
upvote downvote report

Landed my dream job at a guillotine factory

Will beheading there tomorrow
upvote downvote report

Did you hear the rumor about the cereal factory takeover?

Take it with a grain assault.
upvote downvote report

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Cannot believe the new Chocolate Factory prequel movie is unimaginatively titled “Wonka”…

I mean we had “Young Sheldon”, so why can’t we have “Small Willy”?

It would be a much better fit.

What did Obama say after he bought the sardine factory?

Yes we can !
upvote downvote report

I used to work at a chemical factory, but I had to quit

It was a toxic environment
upvote downvote report

Tragedy at the Guinness factory

One night, a woman answers the door to see her husband’s best friend, Paddy, standing on the doorstep.

“Hello Paddy, where is my husband? He said he was going to the Guinness factory with you.”

Paddy shakes his head. “Ah, Mrs McMillen, there was a terrible accident at the factory, your...
upvote downvote report

Why was blonde eventually fired from the M&M factory?…

She was throwing out all the W’s
upvote downvote report

Did you hear about the bombing at the garment factory?

Apparently there were over 100 casual tees.
upvote downvote report

Since my girlfriend started working at the grease factory....

It's been really hard trying to get hold of her.
upvote downvote report

Did you folks hear about the protein shake factory explosion in Uganda?

There was nothing left but *de whey*
upvote downvote report

How does the Soylent Green factory deal with workplace misconduct?

Human Resources.
upvote downvote report

My friend wouldn't stop ranting about his idea for a countertop factory...

Honestly, I thought it was all counter-productive.
upvote downvote report

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

little johnny and little susie are working together In a factory

little susie says "you know it's a beautiful day and I don't want to work anymore, I bet you that I can get the boss to give me the day off"
Little johnny says "oh yeah how you going to do that ?"
She says watch this the boss is coming.
she gets up and hangs herself upside down from the r...

Daddy's Factory

Little Susie was asked what she wanted most for her birthday and she declared, "A baby brother." "Sweetheart, Daddy and I would like to give you a baby brother," said her mom, "But there just isn't time before your birthday."

Susie thought for a moment and replied, "Why don't you do like they...
upvote downvote report

I saw an add in the paper for a job at a mirror factory and I thought...

...now that's something I could see myself doing.
upvote downvote report

I got fired from the candle factory

Told them I didn’t want to work wick ends
upvote downvote report

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Tickle Me Elmo

There is a factory in Northern Minnesota which makes the Tickle Me Elmo toys. The toy laughs when you tickle it under the arms. Well, Lena is hired at The Tickle Me Elmo factory and she reports for her first day promptly at 8:00 am.
The next day at 8:45 am there is a knock at the Personnel Manage...

I had to quit a broom factory

Because it really swept me away
upvote downvote report

After 10 years, the Football factory went out of business.

Many people thought it was the unhappy employees. Many thought it was the low wages.

But the truth is, they just couldn't keep up with the inflation.
upvote downvote report

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A man on the floor in a factory stands, not doing any work.

A man on the floor in a factory stands, not doing any work.

CEO comes up and asks his salary.

The man replies - $1000

The CEO pulls out his wallet, gives the man $1,000 and says - here's your month salary. I pay people to work here. Get out and never come back !

The man l...

A Chinese factory recently had massive layoffs, leaving hundreds angry...

...at having to go back to school.
upvote downvote report

I was sacked from a packing factory.

I had a big roll of bubble wrap and I said to the foreman "Boss, what shall I do with this?" He said "Just pop it over there in the corner". Took me all bloody day.
upvote downvote report

Paddy goes for a job at a chemical factory.

Factory Manager: "Have you worked with chemicals before?"

Paddy: "Yes!"

Factory Manager: "Can you tell me what nitrate is?"

Paddy: "I'm hoping it is going to be Time and Half."
upvote downvote report

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Yossel Zelkovitz worked in a Polish pickle factory.......

......for many years, he had a powerful, almost uncontrollable desire to put his penis in the pickle slicer.
Unable to stand it any longer, he finally sought professional help from the factory psychologist.


After six months of intense therapy, however, the frustrated therapist gave...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I once got fired from a clock factory.

and after all those extra hours I put in...

And then I got fired from the keyboard factory.
They said I wasn't putting in enough shifts.

And then I got fired from the calendar company. I put in 8 days a week and they were PISSED!!!

A factory owner is trying to come up with innovative ideas to save money and therefor save his business from going under.

The owner calls a meeting with all of his 200 employees out on the plant floor.
"Ok everyone, we are in deep trouble. I will give $2000 dollars to the first person that comes to me with a cost saving idea."
Immediately a guy in the front row shoots up his hand.
Owner says "Yes, Barry. Tha...
upvote downvote report

I went to a cheese making factory

They talked about a special kind of milk that they used that produced only curds.

I was like "no whey!!"
upvote downvote report

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

An 18 year old girl tells her mom that she has missed her last 2 periods

Very worried, the mother goes to the drugstore and buys a pregnancy test. The test result shows that the girl is pregnant. Crying, cursing and Shouting the mother says, "Who was the bastard that did this to you? I want to know!"

The girl picks up the phone and makes a call. Half an hour later...

What did the peons at the jam factory say when asked if they needed to use the loo?

"No time for loos, sir,

'Cause we are the jam peons!"
upvote downvote report

I grew up working in my Dad's mirror factory.

Upon reflection, it really changed my view of the world.
upvote downvote report

What are you stealing?

I worked at a factory making furniture. Every night I would leave the gate with a wheelbarrow full of sawdust and every night the factory guard checked through the sawdust as I left, looking for what I might be stealing… but I was too cleaver, he never found anything!

After 20 years, the guar...
upvote downvote report

I work at a gaslight factory, i asked when lunch was.

They told me, "you already ate lunch"
upvote downvote report

I always wanted to work in a factory making mirrors,

but sadly right now, I can't see myself doing it..
upvote downvote report

Which crayon at the Crayola factory is in charge of answering the phones?

Yellow?
upvote downvote report

I called the bicycle factory and asked to speak to whoever was in charge of wheels. The person who answered said they weren’t there, so I asked, “Okay, who are you?” She responded...

“I'm his spokes person."
upvote downvote report

We were changing shifts at the fish sticks factory at the grinder station....

I was at the end of my shift, spattered with oily fish gore, and had my hand in the corkscrew feeder trying to pull a stick bit of bone out. My coworker, in his fresh beginning of shift uniform, reached in to help and his dry cotton sleeve caught and he was pulled in to a gruesome death. As I stood ...
upvote downvote report

Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.

Do Not Sell My Personal Information