A guy keeps throwing milk and yogurt at my house.

How dairy!!!

What’s Donald Trumps least favorite yogurt flavor.

Strawberry n’ peach

How do you tell the difference between yogurt and Australia?

If you leave yogurt in the sun for 250 years, it’ll develop culture.

Why does milk turn into yogurt when you take it to a museum

Because it turns into cultured milk

A friend of mine had an idea for a subscription box that came with everything you needed to make something akin to Pita bread but softer and made with yogurt...

I had to tell him it was a naan-starter...

Why did the yogurt go to the art exhibition?

Because it was cultured.

How are yogurt, and a man at a sperm bank alike?

They both come in cups.

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What's the gayest kind of yogurt?

Fruit on the bottom.

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A man broke into my house last night, and he stole my cheese, milk, ice cream, yogurt, and butter.

How dairy.

Got this joke off of a yogurt pack... Why are football stadiums so windy?

'This is not labelled for individual sales'


I know, I dont get it either...

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A farm hand guy and a blond farm girl.

The guy decides to piss in the bushes but sees some bees in the flowers, he pisses on them, and one stings him in the dick. He runs into the house in pain, opens the fridge to find something cold and soothing, settles on a yogurt container and sticks his dick in.

As he's standing there he not...

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3 mothers are talking: a hen, a cow, and a bitch

They’re bragging about how important they are to humanity.

The hen says “I give people eggs, the most popular breakfast ever, and when I die I can feed a family for a night.”

The cow says “that’s nothing, my milk gets drank at any meal, humans make it into yogurt and all sorts of bak...

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A buddy of mine makes yogurt flavored by secretions of aroused female prostitutes.

He practices horticulture.

What do you call a person who doesn’t like yogurt or kombucha?

Uncultured

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Gopal Bhaar and the best feeling

Gopal bhaar was a witty man, called on a lot by the king.
On a hot summers day, the Maharaja calls on his trusted advisors and ask them what the best feeling in the world is.

A lot of feelings go into the pool, happiness, orgasms, seeing your child being born, and so on.

When it co...

What did the Redditor say to the yogurt maker?

Ah, I see you're a man of culture.

Milk, cheese and yogurt may be different products

But their origins are udderly similar.

What do you call an overweight average ogre eating beef flavored yogurt?

A mediocre meaty ogre eating meaty yogurt.

What do you call haunted yogurt?

Paranormal Activia.

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Yogurt on the bus [NSFW]

On the bus today, I tapped the woman in front of me on the shoulder, and said, "Excuse me, but there's some semen on your sweater."

She said, "Oh, it's probably just yogurt..."

I replied, "Maybe, but I'm pretty sure I don't ejaculate yogurt."

Why does the man at the yogurt stand only listen to world music?

Because he’s a man of cultures.

They developed a new yogurt for people who don't move around very much.

It's called Inactivia.

Why don’t yogurt and medicine get along?

One is probiotic, and the other is antibiotic!

What's your brother's yogurt called?

Bro-yo

I'm starting a combination Frozen Yogurt shop and news stand..

It will be called Froyo Information.

What did yogurt say to bacon?

You uncultured swine.

What do you get when you take a needle to a balloon filled with yogurt?

pop culture

My friend likes to grow bacteria from his yogurt like I do

I see he's a man of culture as well

Why do people love working at yogurt factories?

Because of the culture!

My new neighbors are from a foreign country and refused to eat the yogurt I offered them.

Pretty sure it's a cultural thing.

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Family of three were watching TV on evening.

The young son was sitting on the floor in front of the TV, fiddling with a yogurt packet. He couldn't get the lid off.

"Stupid fucking yogurt," the son muttered while he was struggling with the yogurt lid.

The mother was appalled, knowing that her husband too has a horrible mouth. Sh...

My girlfriend decided to quit her job at the yogurt company

The truth his, she never really liked the culture

How do we know that Greek yogurt's Greek?

Because it's whey strained.

I was at a store and I saw some yogurt in a big bag with a spout...

I guess that you could say the yogurt was pour quality

I bought some Greek yogurt today

It started asking all of the other food in my fridge for money

Two cartons of yogurt walk into a bar.

Two cartons of yogurt walk into a bar. The bartender, who is a tub of cottage cheese, says to them, “We don’t serve your kind in here.” One of the yogurt cartons says to him, “Why not? We’re cultured individuals.”

My son complained to me that his yogurt was too soupy.

I told him to suck it up.

Why are yogurt eaters sophisticated?

Because they're WELL-CULTURED.

Greek yogurt

Its just not as rich as it was before

Why did the anthropologist eat a lot of yogurt?

So that he could understand culture.

Two yogurts are sitting on a shelf...

One yogurt starts talking about art, so the other turns and says, "wow, you sure are cultured."

My son told me a joke and I thought I would share it with you all!

My mom said I couldn’t get a frozen yogurt. She said “do you think I’m made of money?”
Then I said, “isn’t that what mom stands for?”

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Two blonde guys decided to rob a bank

They surrendered everyone and we went straight to a safe box. The first blonde broke into the first one and said: - Dude, come here, this safe has no money! It's full of yogurt! - Man, it's just the same ... Well, that yogurt must be very good to keep in the bank vault. Let's eat everything! After e...

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Three men rob a bank

It's night. They tie up the security guard and head to the safes. The gang open the first safe and see that there's no money, only yogurts. Frustrated, the robbers decide they might as well eat them. Afterwards, they open the second safe but it's full of yogurts as well, they eat everything and move...

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A boy in a kitchen is struggling to open a yogurt

"Godamn-shit-fuck!" the boy says in his frustration.
"I wonder where he got that from?" the mother says to the father.
"Probably from the fridge, you silly cunt" the father replies.

People made of yogurt are always well traveled

They are truly people of culture.

What kind of yogurt does a skeleton eat?

Actibia.

What's the difference between the United States and a yogurt?

That after 200 years, a yogurt can actually build a community.

Haha, happy late 4th of July.

I love my job..

Lately, colleagues have been writing names on the food in the office fridge.
I’m currently eating a yogurt named Susan.

Three robbers break into a bank, but when they open the safe, they find only boxes.

One robber opens a box and finds cups full of yogurt. "We didnt find any money, but we got something to eat," he tells his partners. They eat their fill and leave. The next mornings newspaper headline reads, "Worlds Largest Sperm Bank Robbed."

A gang decided to rob a bank...

...they opened every vault and found only cups of yogurt. So they ate it all…

Next day, in CNN news:

"BIGGEST SPERM BANK ROBBED!”

Shocking

Did you know in Greece they electrocute their yogurt

Yeah it was quite a cultural shock

A young woman walks into a dry cleaner

She asks the elderly owner inspecting her blouse how long it would take to clean.
Hard of hearing the man asks, "come again?"

She responds, "No, it's yogurt"

A lady goes into the dry cleaners

Lady: "I was wondering if you could get this stain out of my blouse"

The Clerk: "Come again?"

Lady: "No, this time it's just yogurt"

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Ate some habanero yogurt yesterday

Shit’s on fire yo

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My girlfriend's ass is like a peach.

It's hairy and makes a horrible yogurt.



\- Gary Delaney

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Different sayings same thing

1. Having a threesome with a couple of no-shows.

2. DJ the VJ.

3. Dopamine farming.

4. Double clicking your mouse.

 5. Badgering the witness.

6. Summoning the semen demon.

7. Blood bending.

8. Shaking hands with the unemployed.

9. Making Jesus ...

A few robbers enter a bank

They broke into the safe and saw nothing but cups of yogurt. With nothing better to do, they ate the yogurt and left. They looked back at the bank when it hit them. They just robbed the sperm bank

A couple of robbers decided to rob a bank

They break and infiltrate the bank and when they open the safe, they find kilos of yogurts. Disappointed but mad, they started to drink all of them.

While they were exiting with belly full of yogurt, the robbers saw the guardian of the bank and asked him:
"-Hello sir, where do you keep th...

The 3 robbers

There was a group of 3 robbers, one named billy, one named, bob, and one named jeff. One day jeff suggested that they rob a bank. They all thought that this was a good idea so they found a bank and the next day after they planned t out they went to rob it. However once they got to the safe the reali...

A joke that my grandpa told me: An American, a Russian, and a German are stranded on an island,...

...desperate for food they decided to each contribute a part of their body for everyone to eat.

On the first night the German cuts off his arm, and everyone eats for a week.

Next, the Russian cuts off his leg and everyone eats for another week.

On the third week, as the American...

A little boy was jumping on his bed.

A few minutes later, his mom came in and said, "Alex! Stop doing that! You'll break the bed!"

Alex says, "But I heard you two jumping on your bed earlier, and you both were making weird sounds. Are you okay, Mommy?"

Mom said, ".....Uh..... Just stay in your room. And stop jumping on th...

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I told the woman in front of me on the bus that she had semen on the back of her shirt...

She said "No, its probably yogurt or something." I apologized and explained that no, "I don't ejaculate yogurt." She was furious, but hey, my stop was next, and I had to get off.

A guy's working as a cashier at Best Buy

He finds his job a little dull, but from where he's stationed he can see out to store entrance to the parking lot (and more importantly, the sky) outside. He spends a lot of time looking out the store entrance and daydreaming, but one day he notices a blond woman walk up to the store with a bunch of...

How to tell if women is single

A woman walks into a store and purchases 1 small box of detergent, 1 bar of soap, 3 individual servings of yogurt and 2 oranges. The cashier says, “You must be single.” She responds, “You can tell that by what I bought?” The cashier says, “No, you’re ugly.”

Robbers got into a bank

In the bank there were only yogurts. The robbers were angry and confused so they ate the yogurts. The asked angrily one of the people there: “What is this bank?”
The person answered: “This is the sperm bank.”

I saw a man at the grocery store flinging slices of American cheese into the air.

He then started chugging cartons of milk right off the shelf.

After that he started smashing containers of yogurt open on his forehead.

It was shocking. All I could think was “how dare he!”

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A mother, father, and their young son are sitting on the couch watching tv

The boy is eating some yogurt, and his mom asks him how he likes it. He replies “it’s fucking great you moron”.
The mom is very upset so she looks at her husband and asks “where do you think he got that from?”, and he replies “from the fucking fridge, moron”.

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Me: how is your bacteria converted into lactose, mixed with some sugar and milk and fruit to give it that nice extra flavor?

Friend: It's called yogurt asshole

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A woman is walking around a grocery store...

...completing her shopping list. When she finally collects what she came for, she makes her way to the cashier and unloads her basket onto the conveyer.

The clerk begins to ring up her items;
He grabs her container of mixed salad greens and passes it over the barcode scanner. 'BOOP' sou...

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A woman at the grocery store goes to the register to check out her stuff..

She gets there and the cashier proceeds to scan her items.. One apple, one bottle of water, one yogurt, one banana etc.. One of everything....
So the cashier tells her:
- Ha! You must be single!
- Huh?, What makes you say that?
- Well you're fucking ugly

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