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Yogurt Jokes

A guy keeps throwing milk and yogurt at my house.

How dairy!!!

What did the yogurt say when it found out that the Greek yogurt has more protein?

"No whey!"

What's the difference between a yogurt and The USA ?

If you leave the yogurt alone for 200 years, it develops a culture



Edit : didn't think i'd have to do this but here we go.

This is a Joke subreddit, this is a joke.

Have you heard about the rising political tensions between yogurt and penicillin? One side is probiotic, and the other is antibiotic.

They're calling it a culture war.

“Yogurt”

Gurt: yooo

What do you call an overweight average ogre eating beef flavored yogurt?

A mediocre meaty ogre eating meaty yogurt.

what is a russian's favourite yogurt?

A Vladimir Pudding.

I refuse to throw out the liquid on top of my yogurt.

That would be wheystful.

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A man broke into my house last night, and he stole my cheese, milk, ice cream, yogurt, and butter.

How dairy.

Why does milk turn into yogurt when you take it to a museum

Because it turns into cultured milk

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Three chefs were stuck on a deserted island.

They were completely out of food and about to starve to death so they decide they need to start eating each other.

First one of them cuts off his own hand. He marinades it in sea salt and then cooks it over a hot fire. The results are exquisite.

"Wonderfully crispy, just like my mother...

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The Man who could only Drink Milk

I know an old man who had lived a life full of adventure, but his health started to catch up with him. He'd run the Boston Marathon, was an avid surfer, and climbed Everest, but he'd started to have abdominal pains around his 85th birthday and went to see a doctor. Sadly, he ultimately was diagnosed...

A friend of mine had an idea for a subscription box that came with everything you needed to make something akin to Pita bread but softer and made with yogurt...

I had to tell him it was a naan-starter...

What is the difference between yogurt and the USA?

Yogurt has culture.

What did the Redditor say to the yogurt maker?

Ah, I see you're a man of culture.

Why did the yogurt go to the art exhibition?

Because it was cultured.

What’s Donald Trumps least favorite yogurt flavor.

Strawberry n’ peach

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A buddy of mine makes yogurt flavored by secretions of aroused female prostitutes.

He practices horticulture.

How are yogurt, and a man at a sperm bank alike?

They both come in cups.

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What's the gayest kind of yogurt?

Fruit on the bottom.

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Family of three were watching TV on evening.

The young son was sitting on the floor in front of the TV, fiddling with a yogurt packet. He couldn't get the lid off.

"Stupid fucking yogurt," the son muttered while he was struggling with the yogurt lid.

The mother was appalled, knowing that her husband too has a horrible mouth. Sh...

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Yogurt on the bus [NSFW]

On the bus today, I tapped the woman in front of me on the shoulder, and said, "Excuse me, but there's some semen on your sweater."

She said, "Oh, it's probably just yogurt..."

I replied, "Maybe, but I'm pretty sure I don't ejaculate yogurt."

Got this joke off of a yogurt pack... Why are football stadiums so windy?

'This is not labelled for individual sales'


I know, I dont get it either...

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A boy dreams of one day working at his favorite sandwich shop.

And so, he asks the owner if he could see how the sandwiches are made. Delighted, the owner shows him how he grinds his own peanut butter, prepares his own pickles and even whips up his own mayonnaise. The boy is so excited that he blurts out his deepest wish--to see how the owner makes his signatu...

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Three men rob a bank

It's night. They tie up the security guard and head to the safes. The gang open the first safe and see that there's no money, only yogurts. Frustrated, the robbers decide they might as well eat them. Afterwards, they open the second safe but it's full of yogurts as well, they eat everything and move...

What do you call haunted yogurt?

Paranormal Activia.

Milk, cheese and yogurt may be different products

But their origins are udderly similar.

I'm starting a combination Frozen Yogurt shop and news stand..

It will be called Froyo Information.

What's your brother's yogurt called?

Bro-yo

What did yogurt say to bacon?

You uncultured swine.

So, two yogurts walk into a bar

The bar tender says "hey, what do you think you're doing? We don't serve you here!"

And the Yogurts respond "Why? We're two cultured individuals."

I bought some Greek yogurt today

It started asking all of the other food in my fridge for money

What do you get when you take a needle to a balloon filled with yogurt?

pop culture

Why does the man at the yogurt stand only listen to world music?

Because he’s a man of cultures.

They developed a new yogurt for people who don't move around very much.

It's called Inactivia.

My friend likes to grow bacteria from his yogurt like I do

I see he's a man of culture as well

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A boy in a kitchen is struggling to open a yogurt

"Godamn-shit-fuck!" the boy says in his frustration.
"I wonder where he got that from?" the mother says to the father.
"Probably from the fridge, you silly cunt" the father replies.

Why do people love working at yogurt factories?

Because of the culture!

My girlfriend decided to quit her job at the yogurt company

The truth his, she never really liked the culture

I was at a store and I saw some yogurt in a big bag with a spout...

I guess that you could say the yogurt was pour quality

Why is frozen yogurt better than ice cream?

Ice cream ain't got no culture.

An indian man goes on a plane for the first time;

He was booked into an Air India flight to Bombay. But as this was his first time in an aeroplane, he made a few preparations that were out of place.

When the stewardess came around to take orders for the in-flight meal, the uncle declared loudly, "I have brought my own lunch. Make sure you ...

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A farm hand guy and a blond farm girl.

The guy decides to piss in the bushes but sees some bees in the flowers, he pisses on them, and one stings him in the dick. He runs into the house in pain, opens the fridge to find something cold and soothing, settles on a yogurt container and sticks his dick in.

As he's standing there he not...

How do we know that Greek yogurt's Greek?

Because it's whey strained.

My new neighbors are from a foreign country and refused to eat the yogurt I offered them.

Pretty sure it's a cultural thing.

Why are yogurt eaters sophisticated?

Because they're WELL-CULTURED.

Why is there such a big contrast between Greek yogurt and regular yogurt?

Because they're different cultures.

What kind of yogurt does a skeleton eat?

Actibia.

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A teenager was hungry and his mother told him to go find something in the kitchen to eat.

After banging around for a few minutes, he yelled "There isn't shit to eat in this house!"

His father heard this and went into the kitchen saying "First of all, watch your language. Second of all, there is lots to eat if you just look. He took his son to the pantry and pointed things out. "Se...

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Gopal Bhaar and the best feeling

Gopal bhaar was a witty man, called on a lot by the king.
On a hot summers day, the Maharaja calls on his trusted advisors and ask them what the best feeling in the world is.

A lot of feelings go into the pool, happiness, orgasms, seeing your child being born, and so on.

When it co...

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Two blonde guys decided to rob a bank

They surrendered everyone and we went straight to a safe box. The first blonde broke into the first one and said: - Dude, come here, this safe has no money! It's full of yogurt! - Man, it's just the same ... Well, that yogurt must be very good to keep in the bank vault. Let's eat everything! After e...

People made of yogurt are always well traveled

They are truly people of culture.

Two cartons of yogurt walk into a bar.

Two cartons of yogurt walk into a bar. The bartender, who is a tub of cottage cheese, says to them, “We don’t serve your kind in here.” One of the yogurt cartons says to him, “Why not? We’re cultured individuals.”

Why does a blonde open yogurt in the store?

Because the box says "Open here"

My son complained to me that his yogurt was too soupy.

I told him to suck it up.

What's the difference between the United States and a yogurt?

That after 200 years, a yogurt can actually build a community.

Haha, happy late 4th of July.

Why did the anthropologist eat a lot of yogurt?

So that he could understand culture.

Two yogurts walk into an upscale bar that is holding a speed dating event.

The bouncer stops them at the door, says, "Sorry gentlemen. We don't serve your kind in here."

So one of the yogurts says, "Why not? We're two cultured singles!"

Once Upon a time

Once I was in a yogurt shop minding my own business, when I heard a couple of women talking in an interesting accent at one of the nearby tables.
I glanced over and noticed that they were quite attractive. A little on the larger side, but that never stopped me before. So, yogurt cup in hand, I bo...

“Come Again” They said as the woman drops off her stained dress at the drycleaners

“No, it’s actually a yogurt stain this time.” She replied

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3 mothers are talking: a hen, a cow, and a bitch

They’re bragging about how important they are to humanity.

The hen says “I give people eggs, the most popular breakfast ever, and when I die I can feed a family for a night.”

The cow says “that’s nothing, my milk gets drank at any meal, humans make it into yogurt and all sorts of bak...

I love my job..

Lately, colleagues have been writing names on the food in the office fridge.
I’m currently eating a yogurt named Susan.

Three robbers break into a bank, but when they open the safe, they find only boxes.

One robber opens a box and finds cups full of yogurt. "We didnt find any money, but we got something to eat," he tells his partners. They eat their fill and leave. The next mornings newspaper headline reads, "Worlds Largest Sperm Bank Robbed."

My son told me a joke and I thought I would share it with you all!

My mom said I couldn’t get a frozen yogurt. She said “do you think I’m made of money?”
Then I said, “isn’t that what mom stands for?”

A young woman walks into a dry cleaner

She asks the elderly owner inspecting her blouse how long it would take to clean.
Hard of hearing the man asks, "come again?"

She responds, "No, it's yogurt"

A lady goes into the dry cleaners

Lady: "I was wondering if you could get this stain out of my blouse"

The Clerk: "Come again?"

Lady: "No, this time it's just yogurt"

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Different sayings same thing

1. Having a threesome with a couple of no-shows.

2. DJ the VJ.

3. Dopamine farming.

4. Double clicking your mouse.

 5. Badgering the witness.

6. Summoning the semen demon.

7. Blood bending.

8. Shaking hands with the unemployed.

9. Making Jesus ...

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I told the woman in front of me on the bus that she had semen on the back of her shirt...

She said "No, its probably yogurt or something." I apologized and explained that no, "I don't ejaculate yogurt." She was furious, but hey, my stop was next, and I had to get off.

A gang decided to rob a bank...

...they opened every vault and found only cups of yogurt. So they ate it all…

Next day, in CNN news:

"BIGGEST SPERM BANK ROBBED!”

The 3 robbers

There was a group of 3 robbers, one named billy, one named, bob, and one named jeff. One day jeff suggested that they rob a bank. They all thought that this was a good idea so they found a bank and the next day after they planned t out they went to rob it. However once they got to the safe the reali...

How to tell if women is single

A woman walks into a store and purchases 1 small box of detergent, 1 bar of soap, 3 individual servings of yogurt and 2 oranges. The cashier says, “You must be single.” She responds, “You can tell that by what I bought?” The cashier says, “No, you’re ugly.”

A few robbers enter a bank

They broke into the safe and saw nothing but cups of yogurt. With nothing better to do, they ate the yogurt and left. They looked back at the bank when it hit them. They just robbed the sperm bank

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A mother, father, and their young son are sitting on the couch watching tv

The boy is eating some yogurt, and his mom asks him how he likes it. He replies “it’s fucking great you moron”.
The mom is very upset so she looks at her husband and asks “where do you think he got that from?”, and he replies “from the fucking fridge, moron”.

A little boy was jumping on his bed.

A few minutes later, his mom came in and said, "Alex! Stop doing that! You'll break the bed!"

Alex says, "But I heard you two jumping on your bed earlier, and you both were making weird sounds. Are you okay, Mommy?"

Mom said, ".....Uh..... Just stay in your room. And stop jumping on th...

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My girlfriend's ass is like a peach.

It's hairy and makes a horrible yogurt.



\- Gary Delaney

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Man goes into a supermarket:

He buys 1 casserole 1 bottle of wine and 1 yogurt for afters.

Beautiful Cashier says to him, are you single, embarrassed and flattered he says, how did you guess?

She replied because you are fucking ugly:

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