UPJOKE
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My friend hates his job at the slaughterhouse

He said he has to collect all the innards from the animals to make into pet food. We both agree that's absolutely offal.

What do cows call a slaughterhouse?

Cowshwitz

I once worked at a slaughterhouse and saw a pig get killed

I never sausage a thing

Did you hear about the pig at the slaughterhouse?

He saw the entrance and went ham.

My first job was working in a slaughterhouse stunning cows...

Not bad looking sheep either...

I once lived opposite a slaughterhouse.

The view from my bedroom was offal.

I dreamed last night I was offered a job in a flying slaughterhouse as a butcher. The weird thing is that it would be in a 747, while in flight, so that deliveries to supermarkets were always as fresh as possible. The pay would be phenomenal, but the work extremely dangerous.

In the end, I turned down the offer.

*I simply felt that the steaks would be too high*

What do you call a cow that accidentally wanders into a slaughterhouse?

A mis-steak.

An arsonist is hired to burn down a slaughterhouse...

The job was well done.

Why did the Necromancer with a gambling problem get kicked out of the Slaughterhouse...

He kept raising the steaks.

What do you call three members of Abba in a French slaughterhouse?

Abba trois...

I enjoy working in a slaughterhouse..

Everything is so cut and dry.

What do you get when you cross a slaughterhouse worker and a bad comedian?

A bunch of butchered jokes

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

In a stable were an old horse and a pig.

One morning, the farmer found the old horse in a bad shape and he said to himself : "That's no good, no good..." and he left.

The day after, the same happens again but the horse is even in worse shape. "Really, really no good", said the farmer. And he left again.

So the pig went to the...

Two bulls were standing in a long line discussing Donald Trump...

One bull complained "This line is taking forever. I hate the status quo." The other agreed "Donald Trump will make lines great again. I trust him to shake things up."

Then they got to the entrance to the Trump Steaks slaughterhouse and were very efficiently killed, gutted and cut into generou...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Bill Cosby went hunting

Bill Cosby went hunting in the mountains with his banker and lawyer, but their car broke down on the return trip. While hiking back to civilization, they came across a very small farmhouse, and asked to use the phone. The local towing company couldn't do anything until the next day, but the farmer g...

Topical Jokes for 6/13

A woman at an Arizona Burger King found a razor blade in her salad. Even more amazing, she found a salad inside a Burger King.

A new study has discovered that dinosaurs were neither warm-blooded, nor cold-blooded. Which is the perfect dinosaur trivia, if you desperately need to end a conversa...

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