A cowboy thought he had 100 cows but when he counted them there were only 97

So he rounded them up.

I yelled, “COW!” at a woman on a bike

As she rode by. She looked at me, gave me the finger, and turned back around and promptly plowed her bike into the cow.

I tried.

Why do cows have hooves instead of feet

Cause they lactose

A farmer accidentally overcooked his, one of a kind, psychic cow

He now has a rare medium well done

Same old cow

My wife and I went to the auction mart at Tralee the other week and one of the first exhibits we stopped at was the breeding bulls. We went up to the first pen and there was a sign attached that said,

'THIS BULL MATED 50 TIMES LAST YEAR'

My wife playfully nudged me in the ribs ......s...

Why do cows wear bells?

Because their horns don’t work.



(I can’t imagine this isn’t a repost, so delete if need be)

I used to illegally give weed to my prize winning cows, but I had to stop.

The steaks were too high.

Timeless Classic: What do you call a cow with two legs?

Yo momma

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What do you call a masturbating cow?

Beef strokin' off

What’s a cows favorite place to go on vacation?

Cowifornia

Did you hear the one about the cow astronaut?

It's big news - she landed on the mooooon.

Cows were blocking the road on my way home.

I told them to Moooooooove

[NSFW] Right now only female cows can give milk...

but milk from male cows is coming!

Where do you find a cow with no legs?

Right where you left it

Two cows are at the slaughter house, and one cow said to the other cow

Don’t be concerned but I think our lives are at steak

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Cow Jokes

What do u call a cow with 4 legs? A cow

What do you call a cow with 3 legs? Tri-tip

What do u call a cow with 2 legs? Lean Meat

What do you call a cow with 1 leg? Steak

What do u call a cow with no legs?
Ground beef

Where do you find a cow with no legs?
R...

Why do cows wear bells?

Their horns don't work.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I herd that a bunch of cows were fed laxatives by mistake.

Turns out it was a big load of bullshit.

I tried to train 8 baby cows to drink coffee.

But only one calf in eight did.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

The white cow is ready for breeding

The white cow is ready for breeding and little Jimmy's dad explains that the white cow needs a visit from the bull and that the brown cow is too young so they will need to keep it separated until it gets older.

Two hours later Jimmy runs to his dad and says "the bull just fucked the brown c...

What do you call a cow with four legs?

Just a cow.

What if it has three? Lean beef.

No legs? Ground beef.

Okay how about a cow with two leg? Your mom.

Where does a cow fart come from?

The dairy air

What kind of magic do cows believe in?

Moodoo

What do you get when you cross a cow and a duck?

Milk and quackers!

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

So there's a farm. On this farm, there's a cow, a chicken, and a horse, and the three of them are best friends.

They do just about everything together. And one day, they're sitting at the window of the house, and the farmer's kid is watching MTV, and they're watching it, and they hear the music, and the horse says "you know what? I'm gonna learn how to do that."

So the horse calls up Guitar Center, and...

What do you call a flying cow?

A high stakes mission

This is my first ever post on reddit hope you like it.

What did the mother cow say to her baby cow?

Its pasture bedtime.

Two cows in a field. One turns to the other and says 'Bob, I've always wondered are you friesian?'

Bob thinks about it for a minute and replies 'No, I'm quite warm actually'

I heard that my cow just got pregnant!

But it turns out that it was just a load of bull!

What happened to the cow that jumped over the barbed wire fence?

Udder destruction!

why did the cows return to the marijuana field?

it was the pot calling the cattle back

Why can’t an animal be both a cow and a bull?

They are mootually exclusive. (Sorry)

What would a cow say if she hated something?

Moo

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A cow walks into a bar...

The bartender says "get the fuck out of here Karen!"

Why do they put bells on cows?

Because their horns don't work!

(Credit to this old man that just told it to me.)

What do you get when you cross a Cow with an Octopus?

An immediate withdrawal of your funding and a visit from the Ethics Committee.

Did you hear about the farmer who left his gate open, causing his fattest cow to escape?

It was a huge missed steak

A farmer had 196 cows across 4 fields.

When he rounded them up, he had 200.

What currency do you use to buy a cow?

Moo-ney

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A mama cow had three baby calves.

Her first calf, named Sunlight, came up to her and asked, "Mama, why did you name me Sunlight?"

Her mom replied, "When you were born, a ray of sunlight landed on your head."

Her second calf, named Butterfly, came up to her and asked, "Mama, why did you name me Butterfly?"

Her mo...

What do you call when you give a joint to a cow?

The steaks have never been higher.

What’s the derivative of a cow?

Prime rib

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Someone once told me that male cows can't poop...

I thought about it for a second before I realized; that's just bullshit

What do you call a female cow that can't produce milk?

A miss-steak

(Sorry this probably would do better in dad jokes)

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

There are 4 cows. 1 mom, 3 babies.

The first baby walks up to her and says, “ Mommy, why am I called Rose?” Mama says, “ Its because when you were born, a rose petal fell on your head.” The second baby walks up and says, “Mommy, why is my name Lily?” Mama says, “ That is because when you were born, a lily petal fell on your head.” Th...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

The black cow and the white cow

A curious guy sees a farmer tending to two cows in his field.

Guy: Hey, what do you feed those cows?
Farmer: The white one or the black one?
Guy: The white one.
Farmer: Grass.
Guy: How about the black one?
Farmer: Grass.

Guy: Where do they sleep?
Farmer: The white one...

There are thirty cows and twenty eight chickens, how many didn't?

Ten

Did you hear about the fly that entered a cow's ear and ended up in the milk pail the next morning?

It went into one ear and out the udder.

Cow without teats

udder nonsense

What is a cow's least favorite part of being a detective?

The steak-out.

How do cows do Maths?

They use a cowculator.

A very smooth talking cow

Grazed in a pasture near the chicken coop. The most delicious plants, the spearmint leaves, sat at the edge of the fence where the chickens perched. Whenever the cow would come by she'd eat the leaves, and then smooth talk the chickens with her minty fresh breath. The chickens would eventually ge...

Elon Musk launched a cow to the moon. It landed so hard that a quarter of the moon got annihilated.

Moo.

There’s a contest on who can be the first to get a cow to smoke weed.

It’s pretty high steaks.

What do you call a cow species that can box?

Mike bisons.

Why was the cow afraid?

it was a cow herd.

Two cows are talking to each other.

Cow 1: Did you hear about the delusional cow disease?
Coe 2: why the hell would I care? I'm a helicopter.

You'll never hear a Hindu tell a Yo Mamma joke...

They consider cows to be sacred.

My nephew asked me how I felt about cow tipping.

I told him I could not remember the last time I had a cow waiter.

What do you call a cow with no legs?

Ground Beef, and why do people prefer ground beef?





...Because flying cows are hard to catch.

What do you call a cow that everyone likes?

Legendairy

As a farmer, I started feeding my cows marijuana.

But, I had to sell them because the steaks were too high.

What do you call a group of cows in America?

The United Steaks of America

Today I learned that cows can't eat the round bales of hay.

Because they need to have a square meal.

What do you call a cow that cant produce milk?

Milk dud

What’s the difference between a cow and the crucifixion?

You can’t milk a cow for 2,000 years.

Man 1: "driving down a highway" check out that flock of cows!

Man 2: flock?

Man 1: yeah? What's wrong?

Man 2: its herd

Man 1: herd?

Man 2: yeah, herd of cows

Man 1: of course I've heard of cows. Theres a flock of them over there!

A little boy gets on the public bus and sits right behind the bus driver. The boy keeps repeatedly saying," If my mom was a cow and my dad was a bull, I'd be a little calf.…"

"If my mom was a hen and my dad was a chicken, I'd be a little chick. If my mom was a deer and my dad was a buck, I'd be a little deer. If my mom was a duck and my dad was a goose, I'd be a little duckling."

The bus annoyed bus driver stops the bus and turns to the boy saying, "What if your ...

Why was the youtuber so good at handling cows?

Because he was used to milking content.

It’s kind of silly we’re trying turning plants into burgers

Haven’t cows been doing that for like, forever?

Did you hear about the cow that was shot for grazing in the marijuana patch?

The steaks have never been higher.

How does an evil cows laughter sound like?

Muuhahaha

Why don’t farmers let cows eat weed?

The steaks would be too high!
( I’ll see myself out...)

Why didn’t the cow’s post get any upvotes?

[remooved]

What's a cow's favorite coffee?

Decalf

Courtesy of my seven year-old son: What do cows call their clothes?

Moo

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

"Honey, this is the cow I make love to when you have a headache."

The wife, lying in the bed reading a book, looks up and says,
"If you weren't such an idiot, you'd know that's a sheep, not a cow."


The guy replies, "If you weren't such a presumptuous bitch, you'd realize I was talking to the sheep"

In the beginning, God asked Adam to name the animals, so he began to invent names, “Lion, Tiger, Horse, Cow, Pig...” Then God said, “You must name the sea animals too.” Adam was exhausted, but he knew how important this was, so he continued...

“Sea lion, Tiger shark, Sea horse, Sea cow, Sea pig…”

On our farm, I don't milk the cows

It's done by the udder guy

What sound does an Australian cow make?

OOW

What is a cow's favorite music genre?

Bluegrass

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What kind of cow has two legs?

Your mom.

Sorry... But my 11 year old just told me this and I lost my shit.

How do you tell the difference between a guy cow and a girl cow?

Milk them both and the guy cow will smile

What did the Italian farmer name his fascist cow?

Moo-ssolini

What are the cow's cells made of?

Moolecules

A farmer asked if I could help him round up 18 cows.

"Easy" I said.

"20 cows."

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

An Englishman, a Scottish man, and an Irish man walk into a bar with their wives...

They all order tea. The Englishman, wanting to be sweet, said to his wife, "Pass the sugar, sugar." The Scottish man, thinking the same, says to his wife, "Pass the honey, honey." The Irish man, not wanting to be outdone, says to his wife, "Pass the milk you fucking cow."

There were 19 cows in a pasture

A cowboy came by and asked me to help him round them up.

I said “sure”... “there’s about twenty”.

What’s one of the worst crimes a cow can commit?

Moolestation

What do you call a cow with antlers?

A Moose.

(Credit to my 5 year old son. He makes dad so proud!)

How did Jack's mother find out he didn't sell the cow at the market?

He'd bean stalked.

Two cows walk into a barn and start arguing about who gets the wheat

Now they got beef

Why don't cows wear shoes?

Because they lactose


(Lack toes)

I just lost 33.3% of my Cow

Ow

I went to Spain to attend the Running of the Bulls, but when I arrived, there was nothing there but cows with fake horns attached.

I was in shambles.

What did the male cow say to the attractive female cow?

You’ve got a nice dairyaire

It’s white, says moo but it’s not a cow

A sheep with a identity disorder

What do you call a cow with no feelings?

My ex wife!


(My dad told this and I laughed to hard

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