The only cow in a small town in USA stopped giving milk. The people did some research and found that they could buy a cow from BC Canada for 1,000 dollars, or one from Alberta Canada for 800 dollars. Being poor, they bought the cow from Alberta. The cow was wonderful.

It produced lots of milk all the time, and the people were amazed and very happy. They decided to acquire a bull to mate with the cow and produce more cows like it. Then they would never have to worry about the milk supply again.

They bought a bull and put it in the pasture with their beloved...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A farmer separated the bulls and cows to prepare them for the mating season a few days later

He built a wall with barbed wires on top.*

*A young bull could not resist his temptations and wanted to mate a cow.*

*Other bulls told him there was one veteran consultant bull amongst them that could help.*

*The bull went to him and asked how to cross the wall to the cows.*...

My butcher once gave me beef from a female cow.

I said, "I believe this is a Miss Steak".

what are cows knees called?

burger joints

What do you call a cow with two legs?

Lean beef.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What do you call a person that sells cow poop?

An entre-manure

If you notice cows sleeping in a field...

does that mean it's pasture bedtime? :)

What do you call an Epic Cow?

Legend Dairy

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What do you call two cows masturbating in a field?

beef stroganoff

If a cow is cold, you get a milkshake. But what do you get when the cow is even colder?

A dead cow

I saw a cow spontaneously catch on fire the other day

Guess you could call it a rare experience

Just saw a guy punch a cow in the face

How dairy

My cows just wandered into a field of Marijuana

The steaks have never been so high.

How do you tuck in a cow?

Bull Sheets

Two cowboys are riding the range on a bitterly cold day when one of them vaults out of the saddle and picks up a piece of a frozen cow pat.

He rubs it on his mouth for a moment and then throws it away. As he remounts, his pard gives him an odd look, so he grunts "Chapped lips".

"I see," says his pard. "That helps 'em heal, does it?"

"Nope," says the first cowboy, "but it sure stops me lickin' them."

I have a decent joke about a cow but it’s pretty offensive so I’ll probably need to take it down

[remooooooved]

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

you have two cows

socialism: you will give one cow to neighbour and keep one for yourself

communism: government takes both cows and gives you milk

fascism: government buys both cows; shoots you

democracy: government buys both the cows; shoots one; milk the other and throw the milk away; imports b...

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A fat women was riding her bike very fast down a hill in the country near my home, I yelled out "COW" the bitch gave me the finger

She ploughed straight into the cow.......tried warning her

Why do cows wear bells?

Because their horns don't work.

What’s a ghost cow say?

“Moo” silly it’s still a cow.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A man throws up a cow pat and goes to the doctor

Doctor: "I can't seem to figure out the issue so I'll give you some shots just be on the safe side"

Man: "No! Those things make you sick and allow the government to insert tracking chips!"

Doctor: "Who told you this?"

Man: "My wife"

Doctor: "Tell me, does your wife make ...

I thought this French guy was calling my cow stupid...

... but he only wanted mustard.

What sound does a french cow make?

Moux

What do you call a cow’s fart?

Dairy air.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What did the cow say when he saw his poop in the grass

Bullshit

Did you hear about the cow that gambled over weed?

It was a high steaks game.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What do you call a cow...

...w/ no legs? Ground beef.

...w/ 1 leg? Stake.

...w/ 2 legs? Lean beef.

...w/ 3 legs? Tri-tip.

...w/ 4 legs? A cow, you dummy.

...w/ 4 legs in the air? High stakes.

...w/ 5 legs? Chernobull.

...w/ no hind legs? An udder drag.

...w/ a twitch? B...

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A sexy female TV reporter, with big boobs, interviews a farmer, asking the cause of Mad Cow disease.

Lady: Sir, we are here to get info on what causes Mad Cow Disease. Do you have any idea?

The farmer said, "Do you know that a Bull screws a cow only once a year?"

Lady: (embarrassed) "Well, that's a piece of valuable info, but what's the relation between this phenomenon and Mad Cow dis...

What kind of book does a cow write in?

A dairy.

A group of cows is called a herd; what do you call a group of snakes?

A tangle.

Cow farts come from

The dairy air.

I'll see myself out.

What do you call it when one cow spies on another?

A steak out

Why do cows have hooves and not feet?

...they lack toes

Why are cows so unbalanced?

Because they lactose

Why did the cow want to be an attorney?

For all the moo law

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Once a man, knocked on a door and an old lady opened the door. Without a word the man went in took a lot of cow dung from his bag and threw on the carpet. "You see , I have a wonder vaccum cleaner with me here, if this doesn't work I'll eat every piece of that dung" he said.

"Do you want tomato ketchup with it ? " The lady asked. "Cause you see, we still don't have electricity in this house"

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

First-year students at the Florida School of Veterinarian Medicine were attending their first anatomy class with a real dead cow. They all gathered around the surgery table with the body covered with a white sheet.

The professor started the class by telling them, "In Veterinary medicine it is necessary to have two important qualities as a doctor. The first is that you not be disgusted by anything involving an animal's body." For an example, the professor pulled back the sheet, stuck his finger into the butt of...

How do you know that steaks are only cut from male cows?

Because a steak cut from a female cow would be a miss steak.

What do you get from a pampered cow?

Spoilt milk.

I bought a cow shaped lamp for the bedroom, my wife asked me what for?

I said its for mood lighting.

So a cow is watching someone play guitar on TV

He says "I wanna learn to play like that." and he goes to a music teacher, and asks him to teach him the guitar. "Well, it might be difficult, but I think I can teach a cow to play guitar."

A month goes by and the cow has mastered the guitar. A chicken walks by and hears the cow playing, and ...

The Monk and The Cow

A humble monk sits at the peak of a hill that overlooks where the grassy Earth meets a river, and the river flows with the breeze, and the breeze explores a mountain range, and the mountains neighbor the sky, and the sky conceals the entire universe, hiding the unknown in plain sight. Softly, the mo...

what is a cows favourite move?

The sound of moooosic

What do a vampire and a cow have on common?

Both of their lives are at stake

How do you tell the difference between a bull and a milk cow?

It is either one or the udder.

Did you hear about VR for Cows?

In Russia they are using Virtual reality to enhance cows moods and increase milk production. On theose cold dreary days the put the VR headset on them and show them summer pastures.

You could say it is a mooood enhancer!

Why do cows never have any money?

Because the farmers milk them dry!

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

So there’s this farm. On this farm, there’s a cow, a chicken, and a horse, and the three of them are best friends.

So there’s this farm. On this farm, there's a cow, a chicken, and a horse, and the three of them are best friends.

They do just about everything together. And one day, they're sitting at the window of the house, and the farmer's kid is watching MTV, and they're watching it, and they hear the ...

Why did the cow cross the road?

Because the chicken told him to moooooove!

How do you describe a horrendous male cow stuck in mud?

Terra-bull

Reddit's being overrun by an evil cabal of hyper-intelligent cow-people, and I have proof!

[remoooved]

What do cows say when they want to chat?

They just chew the cud

A Hindu, a Rabbi, and a Jehovah's Witness are lost..

They wander across a farmstead and ask to spend the night.

"I only have room for two, so one of you will have to stay in the barn," says the Farm Owner.

The Hindu immediately volunteers, insisting it's no problem. However, a few minutes later, he knocks on the front door.

"I'm s...

What did farmer say when his wife didn't allow him to buy a prized cow?

That it was a big missed-steak

Two cows standing next to each other in a field.

Daisy says to Dolly: "I was artificially inseminated this morning."
"I don't believe you," replies Dolly. "It's true, no bull!"

What did the cows write on their protest signs when the farmer made them social distance due to COVID?

We just want to be herd.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

$5000 Dollar Cow

A couple were driving down the road one day when the man sees a sign advertising a cow for sale for $5000 dollars. Shocked he tells his wife he needs to go see why this cow is worth 5 grand.

When he gets to the farm he knocks on the farmers door and says, excuse me but I seen the sign on the...

Did you hear about the cattle farmer that experimented with feeding his cow cannabis?

The results were promising at first but it turned out the steaks were too high.

A cow accidentally ate a bunch of marijuana leaves

and the steaks were quite high

Why are cows such great coworkers?

Because they’re out standing in their field.


My 8-year-old nephew said this joke today and he can’t stop laughing. I thought you all would enjoy it.

A Welshman walks into his bedroom with a sheep on a leash and says "Honey, this is the cow I make love to when you have a headache."

The wife, lying in bed reading a book says, "If you weren't such an idiot, you'd know that's a sheep not a cow!"

The man turns to the sheep and chuckles, "She thinks I'm talking to her."

Do you know the story behind Indians worshipping cows ?

Me neither but I've heard it's an udderly fantastic tale !

What do you call a cow that falls for anything ?

Gullibull

What do you get when you put a chicken, a cow, and a pig together?

A hotdog.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

There was a cat, a cow and a horse who lived on a farm.

It was a massive farm in Virginia which spanned a few acres, and every day the three animals would work on the farm. Even though it was exhausting, it was very rewarding.

One day, the cat decided to take the day off. While the cow and the horse worked on the farm, the cat sat down and watche...

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A man is asking a farmer about his two cows

Man: About how much milk do you get from them in a day?


Farmer: Which one, the brown one or the black one?


Man: The brown one.


Farmer: About a half gallon a day.


Man: And the black one?


Farmer: About a half gallon a day.


Man (looki...

So if a Chicken carries salmonella, and a Cow carries e-coli, what does a pig carry?

A gun, a badge, and a "get out of jail free" card.

How do you call a Chinese cow thats connected to a computer network?

Moolan.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

The cow nsfw

Once upon a time there lived a family and their cow. One morning the mother woke up and saw the cow Laying on the ground dead and she said to herself“ if the cow is dead than I can’t sell here milk and if i can’t sell milk then I can’t feed my family so there is no point in living” and she hang her...

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A female class teacher was having a problem with a boy in her 3rd grade class.

The boy said, "Madam, I should be in Grade 4. I am smarter than my sister & she's in Grade 4".

The Madam had heard enough and took the boy to the principal. The principal decided to test the boy with some questions from Grade 4.

Principal: What is 3+3?

Boy: 6.

Princip...

Do you know the difference between a mailbox and a cow?

If your answer was no, you had better not become a mailman.

I’ve been giving my cows weed to make their meat taste better

The steaks were high, but were otherwise delicious

I just lost a third of my cow

ow

What do you call the cross between a bee and a cow?

Bumblebeef

Those aliens that abduct cows must be gamblers.

They're always raising the steaks.

All of the cows on the farm networked all of their computers so they could stream the latest Disney film

They set up a moo LAN.

Three bulls heard the rancher was bringing another bull onto the ranch. The first bull growled, "I've been here five years. I'm not giving this new bull any of my 100 cows!" The second bull snorted, "I've been here three years and have earned my right to 50 cows. I'm keeping all my cows!"

The third grunted in agreement, "I've only been here a year and so far, you guys have only let me have 10 cows. I may not be as big as you fellows, but I'm keeping all 10 of my cows!"

Just then, an 18-wheeler pulls up in the pasture carrying the biggest bull they've ever seen.

At 4,70...

A friend of mine is afraid of cows

He lives his life in udder fear.

A farmer has 3 bulls and 200 cows

One of the bulls is large and has 100 cows to himself. The second bull is medium sized and has 70 cows. The third bull is small and has 30 cows.

One day the farmer gets another bull.

The large bull says, “I don’t care how big he is, he’s not getting a single one of my cows.” The medium...

It’s confirmed . Fresh cow dung can stop corona

Dip both your hands in fresh cow dung before going out.

This will make sure that

a) you will not touch your eyes, nose, ear or mouth.

b) nobody will shake hands with you.

c) Nobody will come near you when you are out in the streets.

d) You will wash your hands thor...

Whenever my son puts on a cloak he starts running around like a male cow.

He's in cape a bull.

How does a farmer find new cows to buy?

He browses through a cattlelog.

Why did the farmer wrap the cow around his body?

It was a jersey

What do you call a cow that has gone dry?

A milk dud or a udder failure.

Why don’t cows get Covid?

They are imooooooon.

Why did the cow go to Hawaii?

To attend her first Mooau!

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

The horse, the cow, and the chicken[LONG]

So a horse, a cow, and a chicken live on a farm. One day their owner goes on vacation but accidentally leaves the TV on. The animals peek in the window and witness a rock concert on the TV, theyre inspired.

So the horse calls up guitar center, and asks “hey I want to learn the guitar, but the...

A single cow can give us lots of things, such as: milk, meat, blood, leather, fat and many more...

You could say we're milking them.

What kind of milk do you get from footless cows?

Lack-toes!

Did you hear about the cow that jumped over the moon?

Her calves are probably really strong.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A farmer loses his only cow and is now struggling to makes ends meet.

He has 3 sons who work with him in the fields. Let's call them A, B, and C with A being the oldest and C the youngest.

Later that night, unbeknownst to them, the father walks into the woods to commit suicide but he meets an Angel instead.

The Angel asks, "why are you crying, old man?"...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

There was a family living on a farm with a lot of cows.

One night misteriously all of the cows died and in the morning the father gathered his 3 sons and said to the oldest of them:

"Son, I give you this money so you can buy us new cows. However on your way to town don't take the shortcut!"

And so wandered the oldest son out of the farm. On...

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A cow named bella was moved to a new pasture.

Grazing in the field next to her was a bull named Hannibal, an absolute unit of a specimen. Bella desired the big Hannibal greatly, but a barbed wire fence separated them.

" please Hannibal, mighty bull, leap across the fence to me!" Cried Bella
" I cannot!" Replied Hannibal sadly, " thi...

What do you call a racist cow and chicken?

The moo clucks klan

What kind of meat do you get from Minecraft cows?

Cornered Beef

A little boy gets on the public bus and sits right behind the bus driver. The boy keeps repeatedly saying," If my mom was a cow and my dad was a bull, I'd be a little calf.…"

"If my mom was a hen and my dad was a chicken, I'd be a little chick. If my mom was a deer and my dad was a buck, I'd be a little deer. If my mom was a duck and my dad was a goose, I'd be a little duckling."

The bus annoyed bus driver stops the bus and turns to the boy saying, "What if your m...

A farmer named Paddy had a car accident. He was hit by a truck owned by the Eversweet Company. In court, the Eversweet Company's hot-shot solicitor was questioning Paddy.

'Didn't you say to the police at the scene of the accident, 'I'm fine?' asked the solicitor.
Paddy responded: 'Well, I'll tell you what happened. I'd just loaded my fav'rit cow, Bessie, into da... '

'I didn't ask for any details', the solicitor interrupted. 'Just answer the question. Did...

Some people call cows Steers.

.. because they drive them in a certain direction.



I’ll see myself out now.

What do you call groups of scared cows?

Cow Herds.

Why did the cow wear a neckerchief to the MMA fight?

It was mooey tie night.

One day on a farm, a man was accused of milking all the cows to keep the milk for himself.

When he was confronted about it he said, "What an utter lie."

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