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Cows Jokes

Interviewer: How much amount of milk does your cow produce?

Farmer: which one, black one or white one?

Interviewer: Black one

Farmer: 2 litres per day.

Interviewer: And the white one?

Farmer: 2 litres per day.

Interviewer : Where do they sleep?

Farmer: The Black one or the. White one?

Interviewer: The black on...

What do you call cows that have a sense of humor?

Laughing stock.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A farmer is being interviewed on TV about his prize-winning cows.

The interviewer asks, "So tell us, what are you feeding these cows?"

"The black ones or the white ones?" the farmer replies.

"Uh... the black ones."

"Oh," says the farmer, "I feed them grass."

"Ok then, what about the white ones?"

"I feed them grass, too" the farme...

What do you call a group of deaf cows

Not herd

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A farmer has dozens of cows and two bulls, but both bulls are too old to mate anymore.

One day the famer brings a third bull into the field. The new bull is much younger than the other two, and immediately starts mating with cow after cow.

When the old bulls see this, one of them starts huffing, snorting, and scraping the ground with his hoof.

"Don't bother competing wit...

Why did the cows come back to the marijuana field?

The pot was calling the cattle back

The only cow in a small town in Poland stopped giving milk...



The people did some research and found that they could buy a cow from Moscow for 2,000 rubles, or one from Minsk for 1,000 rubles. Being frugal, they bought the cow from Minsk. The cow was wonderful.

It produced lots of milk all the time, and the people were amazed and very happy. The...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Two Cows

**Edit: Just to make it clear, I am not taking credit for the joke(s). I just merely found it/them whilst browsing around and thought you guys would appreciate it/them.**



SOCIALISM

You have 2 cows.

You give one to your neighbour



COMMUNISM

You have 2...

Two cows are standing in a field.

One cow says, “Man that mad cow disease sure is scary isn’t it?”

The other responds, “Yea it is, thank god I’m a helicopter.”

Reddit is secretly run by cows, and I can prove it!

[remooved]

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

"What do cows like to do in their spare time?"

Go to the moovies.

So, what is their favourite genre?

Moosicals.

Also, who is their favourite Italian dictator?

Moosolini.

And what's their favourite food?

(After they inevitably say some "moo" pun, reply in your dryest, most serious voice)

... No, co...

I told my daughter, “Go to bed, the cows are sleeping in the field.” Puzzled, she asked, “What’s that got to do with anything?” I chuckled, "Well, that means..."

"It’s pasture bedtime!”

What do evil cows say?

Moo ha ha.

Courtesy of my seven year-old son: What do cows call their clothes?

Moo

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A farmer separated the bulls and cows to prepare them for the mating season a few days later

He built a wall with barbed wires on top.*

*A young bull could not resist his temptations and wanted to mate a cow.*

*Other bulls told him there was one veteran consultant bull amongst them that could help.*

*The bull went to him and asked how to cross the wall to the cows.*...

Why do cows have hooves?

Because they lactose

Why did the cows stop smoking weed

Because it got to the point where the steaks were too high !

A cowboy thought he had 100 cows but when he counted them there were only 97

So he rounded them up.

What do the cows do when they're bored ?

Go to the moovies

Man 1: "driving down a highway" check out that flock of cows!

Man 2: flock?

Man 1: yeah? What's wrong?

Man 2: its herd

Man 1: herd?

Man 2: yeah, herd of cows

Man 1: of course I've heard of cows. Theres a flock of them over there!

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Cows

How does a farmer count cows?

On a cowculater :D:D
(ya its crap)

Why do cows have bells?

Because their horns don't work.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A blonde heard cows milk was good for your skin

She went to a farmer and asked for milk.

Farmer: Would you like it Pasteurized?

Blonde: No, up to my tits is fine.

How rare is it for cows to be struck by lightning?

Medium rare.

They say cows kill more people than sharks.

I’m surprised cows kill any sharks at all.

How do you round up a bunch of cows?

You gotta flank steak.

Did you know that cows are actually aliens?

They come from the mooooooon

A farmer had 196 cows in his field

When he rounded them up he had 200

How do cows forgive each other?

They turn the udder cheek.

A farmer was milking his cow

At one point, he noticed a fly buzzing in the cows' ear.

Shortly after the farmer looked down at the bucket and noticed a fly swimming in the milk.

"Huh," said the farmer. "In one ear, out the udder."

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

My mom asked if I was OK with hamburgers for dinner, and I felt bad for the cows.

I said "I at least don't want to eat the *nice* cows. Is there a way to only eat the assholes?" She replied "Hot dogs it is!"

Bad cows, bad cows,

whatcha gonna moo?!

A joke my 10yr old sister has been repeating five times a day: where do cows live?

Moo York.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

The black cow and the white cow.

A man goes hiking and he sees a farmer with two cows, one is black and the other is white. The man walks up to the farmer and asks him "What do you feed the cows?" The farmer asks "The black one or the white one?".
"The black one" says the man.
"I feed it grass."
"What about the white one...

I hate when during a dinner party someone brings up how inhumane killing cows is.

They really know how to kill the moo

Why do farmers put bells on their cows?

Because their horns don’t work.

(From my 6yo who loves her new joke book.)

Cow Jokes

What do you call a cow with only two legs? Lean Beef.

What do you call a cow with no legs? Ground Beef.

Two cows are grazing in the field. One cow says to the other, "Hey Dorris, you worried about this Mad-Cow Disease epidemic?" The other cow turns and says, "Why would I be? I'm a chic...

The farmer asks a neighbour to help him round up his 18 cows.

“OK, so twenty of them,” the neighbour says and turns back home.

2 Cows in a feild.. one says "what do you think of that mad cow disease?"

The other replies "I dunno, it doesn't effect me, I'm a duck"

Soooo my 4 year old nephew just told me this. He's a little nerd but it made me chuckle. Knock knock...

Who's there?

Cows go.

Cows go who?

No idiot... Cows go moo!

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Interview with a cow

Some guy just came along and pulled on my tits!

How dairy!

Why did the gambler buy Cows?

Because he wanted to raise the Steaks.

Politics in terms of cows

SOCIALISM: You have two cows. The state takes a high portion of the milk they produce to be redistributed.


COMMUNISM: You have two cows. The State takes both of them and you have to get into a bread line for food instead.


FASCISM: You have two cows. The State will kill you ...

Why do cows wear bells?

Because their horns don’t work.



(I can’t imagine this isn’t a repost, so delete if need be)

Milk that cow..

(Its just a Joke) Three handsome crop farmers (brunette, redhead, and blonde) liked the same farm-girl. The farm-girl had a big dairy farm.

One day the three farmer friends decided to ask her, who she would like to go out with. Since they were all very handsome, the farm-girl had a hard time...

A group of cows

A group of cows are enjoying drinks and chewing the cud at a local bar.

A horse walks through the door and looks around, seeming a little out of place.

One of the cows, who had already had a few too many, calls out, “Hey fella, why the lo-“

But the bartender cuts him off.
...

Sometimes cows are moved by plane and while they have the technology, the cows are never airdropped in.

Because the steaks are too high.

What makes cows so good?

They are outstanding in their field.

Three bulls heard the rancher was bringing another bull onto the ranch.

Three bulls heard the rancher was bringing another bull onto the ranch.

First Bull: "I've been here five years. I'm not giving this new bull any of my 100 cows."

Second Bull: "I've been here three years and have earned my right to 50 cows. I'm keeping all my cows."

Third B...

a herd of cows broke into a Colorado weed farm

Police and animal control are on scene and the steaks are high

what are cows knees called?

burger joints

God created the first Swiss and asked him:

"What do you want?"
"Mountains," replied the Swiss.

God created mountains for the Swiss and asked him, "What else do you want?"
"Cows," said the Swiss.

God created cows for the Swiss. The Swiss milked the cows, tasted the milk and asked, "Will you taste, dear God?" The Swiss fill...

In the 1930s, a farmer attempted to steal cows from a neighbouring farm.

He became a bit of a local legend. No one knew exactly why he stole them, and we still don’t know to this day. Some say he was just in a desperate situation, some say these cows had been abused and that he was rescuing them, some say he was just a greedy old farmer.

He attempted this great bo...

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