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A farmer has dozens of cows and two bulls, but both bulls are too old to mate anymore.

One day the famer brings a third bull into the field. The new bull is much younger than the other two, and immediately starts mating with cow after cow.

When the old bulls see this, one of them starts huffing, snorting, and scraping the ground with his hoof.

"Don't bother competing wit...

Why do cows have hooves and not feet?

Because they lactose

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Interviewer: How much milk do these cows give?

Farmer: Which one? The Black one or the brown one?

Interviewer: Brown one.

Farmer: A couple of litres per day.

Interviewer: And the black one?

Farmer: A couple of litres per day.

Interviewer(naturally a bit flummoxed): I see. What do you give them to eat?...

Milk that cow..

Three handsome crop farmers (brunette, redhead, and blonde) liked the same farm-girl. The farm-girl had a big dairy farm.

One day the three farmer friends decided to ask her, who she would like to go out with. Since they were all very handsome, the farm-girl had a hard time deciding, so she ...

A rancher went out to round up his 297 cows

He ended up with 300.

A cowboy asked me if I could help round up 18 cows,

I replied 'Of course, that'll be 20 cows'

A joke my 10yr old sister has been repeating five times a day: where do cows live?

Moo York.

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I asked a farmer how much 50 cows excrete in a year and he said its 1000 kg

Thats a ton of bullshit !

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There's two cows talking in a field.

The first one says, "Did you hear the farmer just bought a new tractor?" The second cow is about to reply when a dog walks up and says, "What's up, ladies?"

The first cow says "Holy shit! A talking dog!"

Two cows are grazing together.

The first looks over to the second and asks, “Did you hear about the recent outbreak of Mad Cow disease?”


The second continues his grazing, unconcerned. “Why should I care? I’m a helicopter!”

Two cows are standing in a field.

One of them says, "There's been rumors going around about a 'Mad Cow Disease.' Do you think it's real?"

The other cow says, "I don't care! I'm a helicopter!"

Why shouldn't cows smoke weed?

Because the steaks would be too high

Why Do You Never See Camels Going To School With Cows?

Because they don't want to put up with that drama dairy.

(My wife came up with this, don't hate me.)

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What do you call a herd of cows masturbating?

Beef strokin' off!

Where does the King of Cows live?

In the Cattle

A couple of cows were smoking a joint and playing cards….

The steaks were pretty high.

Did you know: the cows with the sweetest, most delectable milk have a unique defensive mechanism?

Horns!

Dad -- Go to bed, the cows are sleeping in the field.

Daughter -- What's that got to do with anything?

Dad -- That means it's pasture bed time.

Where do cows go on weekends??

To the ....



Moooooooovies.

Did you know that cows are some of the world’s best dancers?

They’ve got all the moves.

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Two cows are standing in a field.

One of them says moooo.

The other one says, you bastard! I was just about to say that!

Why do cows wear bells?

Because their horns don't work.

How do cows shade their room?

They use beef curtains

The only cow in a small town in USA stopped giving milk. The people did some research and found that they could buy a cow from BC Canada for 1,000 dollars, or one from Alberta Canada for 800 dollars. Being poor, they bought the cow from Alberta. The cow was wonderful.

It produced lots of milk all the time, and the people were amazed and very happy. They decided to acquire a bull to mate with the cow and produce more cows like it. Then they would never have to worry about the milk supply again.

They bought a bull and put it in the pasture with their beloved...

Mad cows

Two cows are standing in a field on a sunny day. The grass sways in waves from the summer breeze; a bumblebee slowly meanders across the meadow. One cow turns to the other.
Cow one: you know, I’m really struggling. I simply can’t shake this anxiety.
Cow two: (looking at his companion with a l...

What sort of moovies do cows like to watch?

Moosicals

What kind of poker do stoned cows play?

High steaks.

Bad cows, bad cows,

whatcha gonna moo?!

there were 30 cows and 28 chicken. how many didnt?

10

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Farmer can't get his cows to mate.

There's a farmer, who is having a hard time getting his cows to mate. Specifically, the bull doesn't seem like he can ever get into the mood. He's tried everything he can think of, but this bull just won't do it.

So he gives up on his own wisdom, and consults a cow expert. He approaches the e...

The owner of a large cow farm walks into his barn

He sees that almost 80 of his cows have been packed tightly into the barn and the whole place smells of marijuana. He looks around at several of his farm hands who are smoking and shocked asks, "What are you doing?! OSHA is on their way for an inspection right now!"

One answered, "We know, ...

Why did the cows go to the Marijuana field?

It was the pot calling the cattle back.

In honor of 420.

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A farmer separated the bulls and cows to prepare them for the mating season a few days later He built a wall with barbed wires on top.

A young bull could not resist his temptations and wanted to mate a cow.

Other bulls told him there was one veteran consultant bull amongst them that could help.

The bull went to him and asked how to cross the wall to the cows.
The consultant explained: "First of all.. stand 60 feet ...

farmer: how many cows got out?

**me:** seventeen

**farmer:** round 'em up

**me:** ok twenty

How do cows say “I love you”?

With a s-mooooo-ch!

What do you call a ship carrying dairy cows?

A Galleon of Milk

A little boy walked up to the farmer watching over cows in his field.

Boy:wow! Would you look at that bunch of cows!

Farmer: Herd

Boy: Heard of what?

Farmer: Herd of cows

Boy: Of course I’ve heard of cows

Farmer: No, a cow herd

Boy: what do I care what a cow heard? I got no secrets from a cow.

(No punchline but my dad u...

Two cows walk into a barn

"man i hate this farm", said the first one.
"mood", mooed the second cow.

Did you hear about the Midwestern dairy farmers? Apparently they've begun a new trend of covering their cows' teets with fabric because they felt like their heifers were indecent.

It's Being Called An Udder Shame.

Why do farmers put bells on their cows?

Because their horns don’t work.

(From my 6yo who loves her new joke book.)

Driving down a country road I pointed to a flock of cows...

Son: Herd of cows, dad.

Me: Well of course I've heard of cows, there's a whole flock of them over there!

The finals of any sport World Cup is like cows on an airplane.

The steaks have never been higher.

A lawyer, A rabbi, and a Buddhist Monk...

...Are driving together on Route 66. It's beginning to get dark and they are wishing for a place to stop but there isn't a town for miles. Then they spot an old farmhouse and decide to ask. The farmer meets them at the door and listens to their request. He says that he would be glad to let them stay...

The PC Police had a farmer questioned for milking his own cows!!

It was absolutely udder nonsense if you ask me.

How often do Jamaican farmers milk their cows?

Every udder day

There's a technique in theoretical physics that models complex systems as spherical cows.

The Your Mom approach.

Cows are amazing

Studies show that cows produce more milk when the farmers talk to them.

It's a case of in one ear and out the udder.

Once upon a time, Spanish galleon was sent to rescue some farmers and their cows in a settlement...

...they arrived on schedule and picked up the farmers and their cows, which took up half of the cargo hold. As the journey continued, they miked the cows, eventually filling up the remainder of the hold with various dairy products.

Finally, they reached their destination, but before they wer...

Why did the farmer let his cows graze on marijuana plants?

He liked high steaks.

I donated to a group trying to make all cows go extinct.

It’s a no bull cause.

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