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Criminal Record Jokes

When I visited Australia, the immigration officer asked me if I had a criminal record…

Confused, I replied, “Oh, is that still required?”

I don't have a criminal record

Not since the fire.

I told my girlfriend that brown rice was just white rice with a criminal record...

...she called me a riceist

A British man is visiting Australia.

The man at customs asks him
"Do you have a criminal record?"
The British man replies
"I didn't think you'd need one to get into Australia any more."

When my employer asked if I had a criminal record...

...I guess "highest number of robberies in an hour" wasn't the answer he was looking for.

I wanted an Australian Visa. They asked if I had a criminal record?

Two little Boys is that good enough?

How did the hotdog get the job despite having a criminal record?

It was a misde-wiener

After extensive investigations and many phone calls, the police found that, despite the fact that I’m black, I’ve got a good job, no criminal record and I own the BMW I was driving.

So they arrested me for wasting police time.

An Englishman began procedures at the Immigration Department to move to Australia

Immigration: "Do you have a criminal record?"

British guy: "Is that still necessary?"

Aussie customs

Going through the Australian border control, the customs officer interviewed me and all went well until he asked whether I had any criminal record. He was not impressed with my answer: “I didn’t know it was still necessary.”

The Englishman goes through Australian immigration

The Englishman goes through Australian immigration, the officer looks at his form and asks him "Do you have a criminal record?" The Englishman replies "Is that still a requirement?"

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Idk where i heard it

A man flies to Australia, when he arrives the lady at the airport asks him if he has a criminal record, the man answers ''crap are those still required?''

Scam artist caught!

Police arrested scam artist John Young who tricked people into buying some sort of substance which he himself described as an ‘elixir of immortality’. Upon questions police discovered that John had a criminal record and had been previously arrested for the same felony for previous times: In 2004, 19...

I started University with a good medical record...

...and left with a good criminal record.

Result.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A rapper made an album while in prison. But everyone who bought it was jailed. Why?

Because they had a criminal record.

What kind of music do prisoners prefer?

Criminal records

I went to Australia house today to apply for a visa...

The woman at the counter said “everything looks good but I have to check if you have a criminal record”

I replied “Oh I didn’t know you still needed one”

Xhyr'noth the defiler, an ancient cosmic horror, decides to visit earth to go pub crawling through the US.

In the first state everyone at the pub runs off in terror. As the humanoid looking abomination filled with eyes and tentacles warps in and orders a beer. The police and military is informed but doesn't know what to do yet. The bartender doesn't care because he has suicidal depression and rather stri...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Two men are talking at a job placement office

about how difficult it is to get a job when you have a criminal record. The first guy says, "Well, it's all about putting a positive spin on it. Take me for example, I was arrested for trying to rob the same convenience store 6 times. So I tell people that I'm persistent, tenacious, and refuse to gi...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A foreigner accepts an ad for a roomate position...

An ad is put out by a young couple for a roomate position. After a while, a foreigner not from any country nearby accepts. Now, the man has great credit, no criminal record, and perfect English. He's accepted immediately. Only, there's one problem.

In his home country, the foreigner had no co...

I was Washingtons of clothes when...

Adams-el in distress ran up to me and said her boyfriend Jefferson was being not nice and even though I was a bit Madison at the guy I couldn’t help but give her retreat, and boy, she was such a Monroe!

My friend Jack’s son decided to do a van burying on me I was having a leisurely drive. He ...

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