The smartest man in Belgium moves to the Netherlands

Both countries had a significant drop in their average IQs

How many hearts can the Belgium football team break at once?

About a brazilian...

A dutch guy hits a Belgium guy's car

While driving around in Belgium, a dutch guy drives against a belgium guy's car and leaves quite a dent. They both get out, and the belgium guy starts ranting against the dutch guy for hitting his car.

So, the dutch guy says: "What's the matter man, it isn't a big deal! Just blow very hard in...

Translated joke but I reversed the countries because screw Belgium

Two dutchmen take the train from Amsterdam to Brussels, but they only have one ticket. 2 fellow Belgian passengers ask them how they will get away with it. “Watch and learn!” Say the Dutch. They head into the toilet together and wait for the train conductor to knock on the door. “Ticket please!”. He...

What do they call their kids in Belgium?

Brussels Sprouts

Whats the similarity between budweiser and Belgium?

Germans refuse to believe they are even there

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So the Belgians are pissed...

The king of Belgium is fed up that the Dutch make jokes about how dumb Belgians are. He goes to King Willem, of the Netherlands, and demands that the Dutch should do something stupid, so that the Belgians can laugh at the Dutch. Willem wants to maintain good relations so he says; ‟meh, we'll build a...

Someone told my that French fries are from Belgium...

But they’re cooked in Greece!

A german made navigation app issues an update to fix an issue.

The issue was when people wanted to go to france and they were in germany, the app sent them through belgium

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If the Great War was a bar fight

Germany, Austria and Italy are standing together in the middle of a pub when Serbia bumps into Austria and spills Austria's pint. Austria demands Serbia buy it a complete new suit because there are splashes on its trouser leg. Germany expresses its support for Austria's point of view. Britain recomm...

"A bull is standing at the border of the Netherlands and Belgium, in which country gives it his milk?"

Pineapples are the best fruit, but banano is the best meme coin

Someone's just beaten me with a map of Belgium...

and now I'm all covered in brugeses

I thought my wife was going on a Belgium holiday to buy chocolates. When she got back, I found out she’d actually been on holiday in Paris buying curtain materials.

It was a fabrication.

Five Dutchmen crammed in an old Renault 4, are driving through Belgium when they get pulled over ...

Five Dutchmen are crammed in an old Renault 4 and driving through Belgium when they get pulled over by a traffic cop.

“Good morning, I guess you know why I pulled you guys over, don’t you?”

“Well officer, I actually don’t. We couldn’t have been speeding, this car won’t even make the s...

What do you call a kid from Belgium?

A Brussel sprout.

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Why did the the Germans attack France by invading through Belgium?

Because they knew the French would Nazi that coming.

Germany and France go to war. Who loses?

Belgium

A famous German proverb:

Belgium is like school. It's something you have to go through.

I was on holiday in Belgium...

Apparently it was obvious that I am German, because an elderly man came to me and said "you lost something ".
"What?" I asked surprised.
"The war" he replied.

I didn't want Belgium to win

I wanted France Toulouse

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WW1 as a bar fight...

Serbia is walking across the bar with a beer in his hand. He bumps into Austria, and spills some beer on his pant leg. Austria is furious, and demands Serbia pay for an entire suit. Serbia can't afford this, so he offers to pay for the dry cleaning.

They argue, Russia tells Austria to back o...

Accident

A Dutchman is driving in Belgium when he hits a Belgian car. The Belgian whose car he hit was upset, as it was severely dented and the Dutchman was clearly at fault. But the Dutchman, unwilling to pay for the damages, managed to calm him down by explaining to him how to remove the dents: "Just blow ...

Why will Belgium go to war?

*This is a joke my dutch grandfather told me, the dutch make fun of Belgians*

Why will Belgium go to war with the Netherlands in 50 years?

Because that's when they understand the Belgian jokes they make about them.

Why will Belgium go to war with France in 50 years?

They ...

One day, prior to the world cup, the US national soccer team manager was visiting Belgium

He was having a meeting with Roberto Martinez, and they were discussing the efficiency of their soccer team.

"Our population is over 300 millions and yet we have failed to qualify for the world cup, Roberto... How did you manage to do so with such a small country ?"

"You know Dave," sa...

Why are kids from the capital of Belgium always so tall?

Because people from Brussels sprout!

What is the thickest book in the world?

A Belgium joke book, it contains one joke, the rest is explanation.

During the USA - Belgium game, a couple of dudes ran onto the field.

I imagined the English commentator would have said this:

"It appears a wit has run onto the pitch."
"A wit, sir?"
"Yes. Two half-wits."

I’m proud of this joke, please don’t judge my work too harshly.

There once was a man named Ish. He was a curious guy, always trying to find out new things. He decided to take a trip all around Europe.

He went to France, Germany, Belgium, Portugal, and eventually ended up smack dab in the middle of Spain. He, being the curious guy that he was, immediately...

Why is there yellow in the Flag of Belgium?

To slow down the German vehicles a little bit before they reach the white flag.

Popular German "joke" in Belgium

Ask a german guy:

Q: Haben sie etwas verloren? (Did you lose something?)
A: "confused" Nein. (No)
Q: Jawohl, den krieg, zweimal! (Yes you did, the war. Twice!)

Proceed to buy him a drink :)

Two germans are on vacation

France had closed the border at Germany, so they couldn't get through. The germans enter through Belgium instead.

Where did the promiscuous girl from Belgium go to plant her flowers?

ze Hoegaarden.

The Belgian PM has enough of the French laughing at his fellow countrymen

In order to fix that, he calls the French president, asking him for a favor : doing something stupid, so that the world will laugh at France, for once.

After some negotiation, the French president agrees to build a bridge in the middle of nowhere, not above a river or anything.

The wor...

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Following England in the world cup...

Every time England play I try to get in the spirit so when they played Tunisia I had a kebab, when they played Panama I treated myself to a cigar, when they played Belgium I pulled out the chocolates, can’t fucking wait for this Colombia game!

When Belgian people want go into the Sun !

First of all, sorry for my english, it's an old Joke from my Grand Father (RIP ♥).

AN AWESOME NEW in the World Journal, Belgian People are gonna investigate the Sun !

Everyone is crazy, insane !
So after this news, they ask How you can go on the Sun ? It will burn you before ! ...

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German lorry driver sat in Liverpool bar mouthing off about how lazy the British are...

He says 'I drive my truck from Hamburg to Liverpool via Holland/Belgium over to the UK and up to Liverpool, drops his load off and back to Hamburg in under 2 days.

Drunk old scouse man can't help but hear him and mutters 'Fuck off lad, I used to pick my load up in Liverpool, drop it off in Ha...

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Brits

They drive a German Cars.

They go to Irish Pubs.

To drink Belgium beer.

They get a Chinese Takeaway on the way back.

They sit on Swedish furniture.

To watch American films.

On a Japanese TV.


Most of all though they are suspicious of all thi...

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Overheard some guy in the pub talking about my wife.

He said, "Her breath smells like rotten cheese, she's got a belly the size of Belgium, her hair is greasier than a deep fat fryer and she is awful in bed. But at least she's a good cook."

At which point I stepped in and said, "Are you fucking kidding me? She's a terrible cook."

After the checkup

A recent bride accompanied her husband to the doctor’s office.

After the checkup, the doctor took the bride aside and said, “If you don’t do the following, your husband will surely die.”
Each morning, fix him a healthy breakfast, including hot chocolate and Belgium waffles, and send him o...

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