Why is there yellow in the Flag of Belgium?

To slow down the German vehicles a little bit before they reach the white flag.

I thought my wife was going on a Belgium holiday to buy chocolates. When she got back, I found out she’d actually been on holiday in Paris buying curtain materials.

It was a fabrication.

The King of Belgium

The king of Belgium is fed up that the Dutch make jokes about how dumb Belgians are. He goes to King Willem, of the Netherlands, and demands that the Dutch should do something stupid, so that the Belgians can laugh at the Dutch. Willem wants to maintain good relations so he says; "meh, we will build...

Someone's just beaten me with a map of Belgium...

and now I'm all covered in brugeses

How many hearts can the Belgium football team break at once?

About a brazilian...

What do you call a kid from Belgium?

A Brussel sprout.

Five Dutchmen crammed in an old Renault 4, are driving through Belgium when they get pulled over ...

Five Dutchmen are crammed in an old Renault 4 and driving through Belgium when they get pulled over by a traffic cop.

“Good morning, I guess you know why I pulled you guys over, don’t you?”

“Well officer, I actually don’t. We couldn’t have been speeding, this car won’t even make the s...

I didn't want Belgium to win

I wanted France Toulouse

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

Why did the the Germans attack France by invading through Belgium?

Because they knew the French would Nazi that coming.

Why are kids from the capital of Belgium always so tall?

Because people from Brussels sprout!

I was on holiday in Belgium...

Apparently it was obvious that I am German, because an elderly man came to me and said "you lost something ".
"What?" I asked surprised.
"The war" he replied.

One day, prior to the world cup, the US national soccer team manager was visiting Belgium

He was having a meeting with Roberto Martinez, and they were discussing the efficiency of their soccer team.

"Our population is over 300 millions and yet we have failed to qualify for the world cup, Roberto... How did you manage to do so with such a small country ?"

"You know Dave," sa...

Why will Belgium go to war?

*This is a joke my dutch grandfather told me, the dutch make fun of Belgians*

Why will Belgium go to war with the Netherlands in 50 years?

Because that's when they understand the Belgian jokes they make about them.

Why will Belgium go to war with France in 50 years?

They ...

What do you call little kids in Belgium?

Brusselsprouts

Popular German "joke" in Belgium

Ask a german guy:

Q: Haben sie etwas verloren? (Did you lose something?)
A: "confused" Nein. (No)
Q: Jawohl, den krieg, zweimal! (Yes you did, the war. Twice!)

Proceed to buy him a drink :)

Two germans are on vacation

France had closed the border at Germany, so they couldn't get through. The germans enter through Belgium instead.

During the USA - Belgium game, a couple of dudes ran onto the field.

I imagined the English commentator would have said this:

"It appears a wit has run onto the pitch."
"A wit, sir?"
"Yes. Two half-wits."

Where did the promiscuous girl from Belgium go to plant her flowers?

ze Hoegaarden.

I’m proud of this joke, please don’t judge my work too harshly.

There once was a man named Ish. He was a curious guy, always trying to find out new things. He decided to take a trip all around Europe.

He went to France, Germany, Belgium, Portugal, and eventually ended up smack dab in the middle of Spain. He, being the curious guy that he was, immediately...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

Brits

They drive a German Cars.

They go to Irish Pubs.

To drink Belgium beer.

They get a Chinese Takeaway on the way back.

They sit on Swedish furniture.

To watch American films.

On a Japanese TV.


Most of all though they are suspicious of all thi...

The Belgian PM has enough of the French laughing at his fellow countrymen

In order to fix that, he calls the French president, asking him for a favor : doing something stupid, so that the world will laugh at France, for once.

After some negotiation, the French president agrees to build a bridge in the middle of nowhere, not above a river or anything.

The wor...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

Following England in the world cup...

Every time England play I try to get in the spirit so when they played Tunisia I had a kebab, when they played Panama I treated myself to a cigar, when they played Belgium I pulled out the chocolates, can’t fucking wait for this Colombia game!

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

Best joke in the..

**World:**
A couple of New Jersey hunters are out in the woods when one of them falls to the ground. He doesn't seem to be breathing, his eyes are rolled back in his head. The other guy whips out his cell phone and calls the emergency services. He gasps to the operator: “My friend is dead! What ...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

A 20 year old man visited his 100 year old grandmother

The 20 year old asked what was her secret to living so long.
His grandmother replied, "I will tell you if you do one thing for me, tell me how grains of sand on every beach in the entire world!"
The 20 year old planning to travel the world took this challenge and set off counting every grain ...

What do you call a good american beer?

Imported from Belgium

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

A German truck driver is sitting in a Liverpool bar mouthing off about how lazy the British are.

He says 'I drive my truck from Hamburg to Liverpool via Holland/Belgium over to the UK and up to Liverpool, drops his load off and back to Hamburg in under 2 days."

A drunk old scouse man can't help but hear him and mutters 'Fuck off lad, I used to pick my load up in Liverpool, drop it off in...

The hare and the tortoise

The hare and the tortoise were having a rematch. This time, they decided to race through Europe, starting with London. The plan was to race to Dover, get the ferry across, and go along the French coast, across Belgium, Germany, and head north through Denmark.

The hare figured that his fur wo...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

If World War One were a bar fight.

Germany, Austria and Italy are standing together in the middle of a pub when Serbia bumps into Austria and spills Austria's pint. Austria demands Serbia buy it a complete new suit because there are splashes on its trouser leg. Germany expresses its support for Austria's point of view. Britain recomm...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

Overheard some guy in the pub talking about my wife.

He said, "Her breath smells like rotten cheese, she's got a belly the size of Belgium, her hair is greasier than a deep fat fryer and she is awful in bed. But at least she's a good cook."

At which point I stepped in and said, "Are you fucking kidding me? She's a terrible cook."

When Belgian people want go into the Sun !

First of all, sorry for my english, it's an old Joke from my Grand Father (RIP ♥).

AN AWESOME NEW in the World Journal, Belgian People are gonna investigate the Sun !

Everyone is crazy, insane !
So after this news, they ask How you can go on the Sun ? It will burn you before ! ...

What's the difference between Belgian waffles and American waffles?

Belgium waffles crumble in the hands of German.

After the checkup

A recent bride accompanied her husband to the doctor’s office.

After the checkup, the doctor took the bride aside and said, “If you don’t do the following, your husband will surely die.”
Each morning, fix him a healthy breakfast, including hot chocolate and Belgium waffles, and send him o...