Arnold Schwarzenegger goes back to Austria for Easter holiday

When he returns to California his friend says to him, *”Arnie, I hear you went back home to Austria for Easter. How was it?”*


To which Arnie replied **[in Arnie voice]**: *”Oh it was terrible! My father he ruined the Easter Egg hunt. He put all of the eggs in awful places and nobody could...

What was the state of Austria in 1866?

Under Prussiah!

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WW1 as a bar fight...

Serbia is walking across the bar with a beer in his hand. He bumps into Austria, and spills some beer on his pant leg. Austria is furious, and demands Serbia pay for an entire suit. Serbia can't afford this, so he offers to pay for the dry cleaning.

They argue, Russia tells Austria to back o...

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WWII as a bar fight...

I made a bar fight for WWI in honor of the 101 anniversary of its end, and someone requested one for the sequel. So here it is.

Germany went into a deep depression after his defeat in the last fight. His bar tab from his enemies' victory drink was crushing. He started hitting the gym, and wan...

When Arnold Schwarzenegger was a little boy back in Austria, he and his friends had a game where they would pretend to be famous composers ...

Georg would say "I'll be Handel!”

Franz would say "I'll be Schubert!”

Arnold would say "I'll be Bach!"

Asked my grandpa if he watched Austria Hungary football match

he asked me who played against

I just got deported by the government of Austria due to my bad Arnold Scharzenegger impressions, and all the flights to America are full.

Don't worry, I'll just get to the helicoper

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One day a giant tornado went through Austria...

...but luckily all the children were already in the basement.

Why was Austria-Hungary?

Turkey wasn't around yet.

Due to growing environmentalist concerns, Germany and Austria decided to limit the amount of ores and minerals they were extracting from the ground.

They said, "Mine fewer!"

Why was Austria-Hungary lonely after 1914?

Because they didn't have Franz.

The Pope is saddend that he never sees much of the countries he visits and decides it's time for a change

After a visit to Berlin, the Pope decides he wants to travel to Rome by car. Off course, he didn't bring a car and so the German government seizes the opportunity to impress him with German engineering. They lend him the most powerful car they have available, with a German driver/bodyguard. And off ...

A Mozart fanatic visits his tomb in Austria...

John is a gigantic Mozart fanatic. He's listened to every one of his many compositions, paid attention to the melodies and how they were composed, and the thought process of their creation. All that John has left to do is to visit Mozart's tomb.

John travels to Austria and visits his tomb. Wh...

Hope this one lands with yah.

Me, dad I’m hungry
#
Dad, hi hungry I’m Austria let’s form an Empire

I'm hungry

Friend: If you're hungry, then I'm Austria.

“Grandpa, grandpa! I’m watching a soccer game!”

Grandpa: “Who’s playing?”

Grandson: “Austria-Hungary”

Grandpa: “Against who?”

A kid comes to his grandfather...

*"Hey Gramps, do you want to watch soccer with me?*

*"Sure, who's playing?"*

*"Austria-Hungary"*

*"Against whom?*

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Mrs. Parker and Baroness Von Hildebrand

There's this woman, let's call her Mrs. Parker. She is on a flight from Frankfurt to London. She's tired, she's had a long day. She gets on the plane, goes to her seat in economy class, window seat. She makes herself comfortable and tries to get some sleep.

Another woman comes and sits next ...

Austria, mid-1950s

Once upon a time in an Austrian elementary school, the children were preparing for the school play. This year it was about classical musicians. The teacher asked some students who they'd like to portray in the production. Hans wanted to be Mozart, Johan wanted to be Beethoven, and Karl wanted to be...

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A man confesses his sins to a priest...

He says “Father, forgive me for I have sinned. I was skiing down the slopes on my recent trip to Austria.

Upon my return to the top of the slope I noticed my boss from work. I was wearing my ski mask and a balaclava so he would not have recognised me.

As he was leaning down to fix hi...

Dolph Lundgren, Jason Statham and Arnold Schwarzenegger go to a theme party.

Dolph Lundgren, Jason Statham, and Arnold Schwarzenegger are planning ahead to attend a theme party. The theme is famous composers, and Lundgren suggests “We should all go as a composer from our respective heritage. I could be Franz Berwald. He had interests in the arts and sciences, much like me.”<...

Three generations apart, watching a soccer game

"Hey great grandpa, watch this soccer game!"

"Sure, which two countries are playing?"

"Austria - Hungary."

"Against who?"

The disappearance of Joseph Haydn

Dissatisfied with the Christianity of Europe in 1800's, the composer Franz Joseph Haydn turned his eye to the religions of the east, and after much soul searching, he converted to Sikhism late in his life.

It would be the last thing he did.

Official reports say that after his conversi...

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If World War One were a bar fight.

Germany, Austria and Italy are standing together in the middle of a pub when Serbia bumps into Austria and spills Austria's pint. Austria demands Serbia buy it a complete new suit because there are splashes on its trouser leg. Germany expresses its support for Austria's point of view. Britain recomm...

19th century monarchy humor, anyone?

So Otto von Habsburg walks into a sports bar, sees a game on, and asks the bartender who's playing. "Austria and Hungary," he replies. Otto: "Yeah, who are they playing against?"

I was traveling in europe

Went to Austria with a tour group and stopped at a famous cemetery, we could all here a strange sound, after afew minutes I asked the tour guide 'what's that noise?' He looked me without missing a beat and said "don't worry its just Beethoven de-composing"

A lady is bargaining for a honeymoon package abroad..

Says the agent: "Check it out maam. 3 nights and 4 days in a cruise to Bahamas, all night party and casino environment with free booze. Just $2000 per couple. Hell of a deal."

The lady: "Umm. Nice one. But do you have anything cheaper?"

The agent: "Sure maam. 4 nights and 5 days in Aus...

Arnold Schwarzenegger was ostracised when he was young.

After taking steroids, however, he was Austria sized.

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