Murphy and O'Neill were looking at jobs listings at the Labour Office in Dublin

Murphy saw an advert from Park Services looking for tree planters.

He turns to O'Neill and says "This sounds like a great opportunity. Too bad there's only two of us."

Did you hear that Texas realtors are removing the term "Master Bedroom" from listings because it's now insensitive? Pretty exciting.

In fact, I'm so excited, I think I'll probably head to my regular bedroom now, and Equalhumanbate!

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

After 35 years of marriage, a husband and wife came for counselling

After 35 years of marriage, a husband and wife came for counselling.

When asked what the problem was, the wife went into a passionate, painful tirade listing every problem they had ever had in the years they had been married. On and on and on: neglect, lack of intimacy, emptiness, loneliness,...

I visited the UK recently and saw a hotel listing for 2000 pounds.

That's a ton of money

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A lemon, a potato, and a pea all had a tough week working at the grocery store...

...so they decided to let off some steam with a bar crawl at the weekend.

They had a great time, hitting bar after bar, knocking back drinks, but being so genetically different, the alcohol affected them each in different ways: the lemon got very acidic and refluxy; the potato, being a big st...

Waiter: Sir I have Stewed Liver, Fried Kidney, Boiled Toungue and Frozen Legs.

Dude: Stop listing your problems man. Just give me the menu.

Yesterday I asked a girl out, but she told me she had a boyfriend

I responded with "I have a math test tommorow"

She looked a bit confused so I said "I thought we were listing things we could cheat on."

I've decided to start listing the sources of my eggs.

It's very eggs-citing.

A man's fence is broken and he needs to hire someone to fix it

So he goes online to find someone to fix his fence for him but he is unsatisfied with their prices, that is until he finds a Buddhist monk who will do it for free.

He is initially surprised by this and assumes it might be a fake listing, but since it's free he feels like he has nothing to los...

There's a job listing here for a crematorium operator

Dad: There's a job listing here for a crematorium operator.
Son: How does that work, do you need a degree for that?
Dad: I think you need about 2000 degrees.

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