UPJOKE
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A sad story of duty, conviction and love

After Quasimodo's death, the bishop of the cathedral of Notre Dame sent word through the streets of Paris that a new bell ringer was needed. The bishop decided that he would conduct the interviews personally and went up into the belfry to begin the screening process. After observing several applican...

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How to write a funny joke:

Now, everyone always says timing is important; we'll get to that, the timing is usually in the punchline.

First you need a premise - it can be simple. A ball. That's the focus.

Some of you are already chuckling because your immature sense of humor has made its own connections with the ...

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Personalities

1) Polite - farts and says "Pardon!"

2) Cynic - Farts while looking you directly in the eyes

3) Chivalrous - lets the lady fart first

4) Gourmand - Farts for his own pleasure

5) Sentimental - Farts and says "Oh..."

6) Idealist - farts out of conviction

7) C...

The USA is proud because their Founding Fathers had strong convictions

Big deal the founders of Australia had convictions too.

A Scientist and his Frog

In order to learn more about the jumping ability of frogs, a scientist trained his frog to jump on command.

On day 1, he told the frog, "Jump, frog. Jump!" And, the frog jumped. The scientist wrote in his journal: "Frog successfully taught to jump."

On day 2, the scientist amputated ...

4 guys meet in hell. A Bodybuilder, a Muslim, a Buddhist monk, and an American.

Satan comes over, whip in hand, and says:


-Those who endure 10 whiplashes can go to Heaven, the rest will stay here in Hell!


The American glances at the bodybuilder and is about to argue when Satan interrupts him,


-Everyone can choose 1 thing to place at your back a...

Two guys in an insane asylum are up for parole

The first guy goes into see the commitee, and they ask him some questions.

C: "Who discovered America?"

IG1: "Christopher Columbus."

C: "How long ago was that?"

IG1: "Around three hundred years..."

C: "Do aliens exist?"

IG1: "It's possible, but there's no pr...

Before his conviction, Aaron Hernandez was a tight end in the NFL.

But since going to prison he's become a wide receiver.

I know federal prosecutors have a 99% conviction rate. But I'm a little nervous.

Because Trump picked his cabinet from the 1%.

Make sure to dress extra provocative if you ever find yourself in a 5th attempt to overturn a criminal conviction

You'll definitely need that six appeal.

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As a judge, I was sentencing criminal defendants when I saw a vaguely familiar face.

I reviewed his record and found that the man was a career criminal, except for a five-year period in which there were no convictions.


“Milton,” I asked, puzzled, “how is it you were able to stay out of trouble for those five years?”


“I was in prison,” he answered. “You sh...

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Mr. and Mrs. Potato had three daughters who were as upstanding as they were lovely. One day the first daughter came home and exclaimed, “I have an announcement to make.”

“And what might that be?” said Mother, seeing the obvious excitement in her eldest daughter’s eyes.

“Well,” replied the daughter, with a proud but sheepish grin, “I’m getting married!”

The other daughters squealed with surprise as Mother Potato exclaimed, “Married! That’s wonderful! An...

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