UPJOKE
medicationethanolwithdrawalexpressionseizureverbalismbenzodiazepinesalcoholismbarbituratecountryoverturningpossiblywholeiraq

Cold Turkey Jokes

Cold turkey

Alcoholic 1: Do you think I should quit cold turkey?

Alcoholic 2: You should! I quit cold turkey 10 years ago, from that time I only eat it hot or at least warm!

They told me to go cold turkey...

So now I'm chilling in Istanbul.

Cold Turkey

Guy buys a parrot and when he gets home, he discovers that it won’t stop cussing.

After a few days of embarrassment and covering his kids’ ears, he threatens the parrot.

“I’m gonna send you to go live in the freezer if you don’t clean up your act!”

The parrot: “F*** off, A**ho...

I quit smoking cold turkey.

I now let it sit at room temperature for 30 minutes first.

My dad gave up smoking cold turkey for new years. He’s doing better now but…

…he’s still coughing up feathers.

I used to eat cold turkey all the time..

The only way I could stop was to taper off my intake gradually.

I recently decided to stop smashing pumpkins cold turkey.

It was difficult at first, but it got easier once I decided to use the pumpkin patch.

I was addicted to lunch meats, but I quit cold turkey.

I'm still hooked on salami and roast beef though.

I've been smoking weed for most of my life, and today I quit cold turkey.

I'll make do with the much cheaper chicken cold cuts and put the extra money towards buying more weed.

In the past, I've tried to slowly wean myself off of my unhealthy habit of eating too many Thanksgiving leftovers, but it never works.

This year I'm going to quit cold turkey.

I'm not eating leftover thanksgiving food this year.

I'm quitting cold turkey.

I decided to become vegan today

The hardest part is quitting cold turkey.

My wife keeps getting mad at me for eating leftovers straight from the fridge.

I told her that it's really hard to quit cold turkey.

As a pack a day smoker, instead of quitting cold turkey, I decided I'd only smoke when I drank

So I became an alcoholic

The doctor said I should stop eating meat immediately for health reasons...

I asked if I had to quit cold turkey.

I finally got a microwave to heat up my leftovers

So I was able to quit cold turkey

Ever year after Thanksgiving, I give up all my bad habits.

I can do it, because I have lots of cold turkey.

I went as a tourist to Anatolia over the winter but it was way colder than I thought it would be. I didn't have enough clothes to stay.

I had to quit cold Turkey.

My wife threw a pack of turkey and a lighter in the cart and my God the temptation was strong...

It was just last week that I quit smoking cold turkey

I used to eat a lot of cold cuts, but I recently stopped.

I quit cold turkey.

On my cake day, I went to the Doctor and was told that my love of deli meats was going to kill me.

I had to quit cold turkey.

My uncle got addicted to deli meat

But I heard he quit cold turkey.

It seems like every year I wind up eating leftovers from Thanksgiving until weeks afterwards.

Not this year though, I'm quitting cold turkey.

My family is getting worried about my consumption of deli meats, and I'm not sure what to do...

They're trying to pressure me into quitting cold turkey!

My Family asked me to stop telling Thanksgiving jokes.

I told them I couldn't stop cold turkey!

A man had a problem, he couldn't stop heating meat

Whenever he saw cold meat, he sought out the nearest oven or microwave and heated it.

His wife took him to multiple doctors, who sad there was nothing wrong with him.

Eventually they go to a psychologist, who recommends they remove all the cold meat and heating appliances from the hous...

My family keeps telling me I have a serious lunchmeat problem

But I can't just quit cold turkey

Did you hear about the guy who suddenly stopped smoking and moved from Istanbul to Singapore last winter?

He quits cold turkey.

My girlfriend said I need to stop eating frozen poultry for every meal or she was leaving me.

I said, "I'll try but I don't think I can quit cold turkey."

I recently heard that you can get salmonella from eating raw meats

Guess I gotta quit cold turkey

I'm addicted to Boxing Day sandwiches.

I'll have to go cold turkey.

I’ve decided to put an end to my addiction to deli meats.

I’m quitting cold turkey.

I've got a terrible addiction, I can't stop eating deli meats.

I'm trying to quit cold turkey.

My family held an intervention for me today...

They say I'm addicted to Thanksgiving leftovers, I said I can quit cold Turkey whenever I want

I decided to change my diet; I’m starting to eat hot poultry sandwiches.

I’m quitting cold turkey.

I used to be addicted to soap, but I'm clean now... (more)

I used to be addicted to the hokey pokey, but I turned myself around.

My friends say I drink too much brake fluid, but I can stop whenever I want.

I'm hooked on deli sandwiches, but I've decided I'm going to quit cold turkey.

My girlfriend used to be a nun, but she dropped the h...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I'm addicted to deli meats

The worst part is my therapist keeps recommending cold turkey

My New Year's resolution is to give up club sandwiches.

But I don't think I can give up cold turkey.

Don't know how to cook

I don't really know how to cook, so I just end up eating frozen food. I usually get some turkey and store it in the freezer for the next day. However, one day I've heard about the dangers of eating frozen food and how it badly affects my health, it was at this moment that I realized that I had to qu...

I became a vegetarian 4 months ago..

.. I guess you can say that I quit cold turkey

After Thanksgiving a woman continually finds her husband rummaging through the fridge...

... ravenously devouring leftovers from their Thanksgiving feast. It gets to the point where she begins to get worried and asks, "Honey can you stop eating like that? You aren't even heating your food!" To which the husband replies, "Everyone knows it is futile to try and quit cold turkey!"

Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.