This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A fourth-generation prostitute goes home to her great-grandmother's house for a family dinner...

She begins complaining to her family about work. "Geeze! Men these days complain about paying $50 for a blowjob! It's hard work! I *earn* that money!"

Mom, who was a hooker in the 1980s laughs. "Fifty bucks!? You're complaining about that? When I was on the streets, we were lucky to get $20!"...

Build a man a fire, and he'll be warm for a day.

Set a man on fire, and he'll be warm for the rest of his life.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

An Amish woman and her daughter were riding in an old buggy one cold blustery day, when the daughter said, "My hands are freezing cold!" The mother replied, "Put them between your legs. Your body heat will warm them up."

The daughter did and her hands warmed up.

The next day, the daughter was riding with her boy friend who said, "My hands are freezing cold!"

The girl replied, "Put them between my legs. The warmth of my body will warm them up."

He did and warmed his hands.

The following da...

My Mexican friends always drink their drinks warm...

it's like they're afraid of ICE or something.

It's warm here, but every workplace window is bolted shut

I'll never work again as a submarine captain!

Guy walks into a bar. He asks for a pint of warm, sloppily filled beer that isn't even a full glass.

The barman replies. I can't serve that sir sorry.

The guy says back. You could last week.

How warm is a baby at birth?

Womb temperature.

How warm is a janitor's closet?

Broom temperature.

What’s the difference between a warm yam and a thrown pig?

One is a heated yam, the other is a yeeted ham.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

It was hot today, so I dragged a box fan from the basement and lifted it into a window to suck the warm air out of the house.

It was exhausting.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

After death, what is the only organ in the female body which remains warm?

My penis

What goes in dry, comes out wet, and gives warm satisfaction?

A tea bag!

I was having a real hard time finding something warm to wrap around my neck and could have used some help.

It was a scarf issue that I wish you saw.

If you die while making food in a slow cooker, whoever finds your body will have a nice warm meal waiting for them

They can also eat whatever is in the slow cooker too

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

[Long] [NSFW] One warm autumn day,

A man walks into the patent office and slams a stack of papers down triumphantly. "I've bred apples that taste like different fruits, and furthermore, each half of an apple tastes different!"

The patent clerk looks up in boredom, "Sure, sure... But I need to verify the truthfulness of this cl...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

My mate put my hand in warm water when I was sleeping

He really took the piss out of me

My girlfriend this morning: "Men were made to be heaters. Warm me up"

"Why do you think man discovered fire? So we can get out of these responsibilities"

Give a native American a blanket and keep him warm for the winter.

Give him a Smallpox blanket and keep him warm the rest of his life.

Sitting with my shoes off next to a warm campfire eating corn chips.

Tostitos

Did you know it's cheaper to buy pies in warm weather climates?

Cherry pie in Jamaica - $4.25
Blueberry pie in Cuba - $3.50

Those are some of the pie-rates of the Caribbean.

Many people think that when warm droplets of water in the air are rapidly cooled it forms fog...

But it’s actually a common mist-conception!

If you want to warm something up in Chicago...

You would place it in a fridge.

I was watching Star Wars with my daughter and when she asked me why Luke climbed inside the Tauntaun, I replied that it was to keep warm. With a puzzled frown, she questioned how warm was it inside...

Knowingly, I told her, "Lukewarm."

Baby it’s warm inside...

How do you keep warm in a cold room?

Go to the corner because it’s always 90 degrees.

Carobs grow on carob trees in warm climates. They are frequently transported to other regions by air.

Usually by pilots of the carob bean.

Today I gave a homeless person a warm new home..

I gave him counterfeit money to buy food which got him arrested.

Now he's got a warm jail and free meals twice a day.

My stand-up routine about one-legged men trying to drink each other's warm vomit was never successful

Too many lame gags

What do women and warm toilet seats have in common?

They are both nice to be on, but it makes you wonder who was there before you.

Give a man a jacket and he'll be warm for the winter.

Teach a man to jacket and he'll never leave the house.

Two Eskimos light a fire in their boat in an attempt to stay warm.

However, the fire burns through the boat and it sinks, proving once and for all that you can't have your kayak and heat it, too.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I woke up to a warm, luscious blowjob today...

That's the last time I fall asleep on a train with my mouth open...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

[NSFW][LONG]A warm glass of milk.

An older gentleman is in a nursing home and his son stops by to visit him. The son notices that his father is doing exceptionally well and asks him how he's doing. The father replies that the nursing home is giving him a Viagra and a warm glass of milk every night before bed and that he wakes up fee...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Being happy is like pissing your pants

Everyone can see it, but you're the only one that can feel the warmth.

One of the best feelings in life is to wake up and feel the warm, cuddling embrace of someone..

...unless you're in prison

Two fleas had an arrangement to meet every winter in Miami for a vacation. Last year, when one flea gets to Miami, he is shivering and shaking. The other flea asked him, “Why are shaking so badly?”

The first flea says, “I rode down here from New Jersey in the mustache of a guy on a Harley.”

The other flea says, “That’s the worst way to travel. Do what I do. Go to the New Jersey airport bar. Have a few drinks. While there, look for a nice stewardess, crawl up her leg and nestle in where ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Justice is a dish best served cold

Because if it was served warm, it would be justwater

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Dating you is like drinking warm beer

It's not nearly as enjoyable as it should be, but it still gets me fucked

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A warm toilet seat is just like a prostitute...

It feels good, but you know someone was just there.

I used to have this on my Tinder profile to introduce myself to guys...

Im like a microwave: easy to turn on, warm on the inside and if you put a baby inside me I’ll kill it.

A man in a sperm bank enjoys a warm glass of milk

The man tells the receptionist "thanks for the milk"

"What milk...?"

"The glass of milk that was on your desk"

Concerned the receptionist replies "**Oh no**,"

"What?!" now worried the man looks down at his glass, then back at the receptionist's horrified face telling him<...

How is it so consistently warm and toasty in Hell?

Good insoulation.

Give a man a fire, he's warm for a day

Teach a man to fire: he'll turn orange, run a reality show based on it, and then take over your country.

How does Captain Hook warm his Greek food?

Pita Pan

Two British Raj colonels are sitting at a table, enjoying a cup of tea and a warm bowl of curry

The first colonel turns to the other and says

"Why I say, this India land is extraordinary!"

The second colonel replies;

"Quite so, but there's just one issue"

"What's that?"

Looking outside onto the street, the second replies;

"Too many damn foreigners!"

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Why was Han Solo so suspicious when he put his penis inside Princess Leia for the first time?

...it was Luke warm.

How do you keep paint warm?

Put on a second coat

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

It's the first warm Saturday of spring, so I asked my friends if they'd like to have some beer and hang out on my dock for a few hours.

Fucking autocorrect.

Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.