A father in Iraq gifted his daughter a brand new bag...

The girl, excited, replied, "Thanks for the Baghdad!"


I'll show myself out now

My friend asked me "How did I get out of Iraq?"

Iran

My father and I were leaving our hotel in Iraq and he almost forgot his suitcase.

I said, "Don't forget your Baghdad".

(Hopefully it isn't a repost)

US: Iraq, I heard you have weapon of mass destruction!

iraq: No we don't?

\*US invades Iraq*

US: Syria, I heard you have weapon of mass destruction!

Syria: No we don't!

\*US invades Syria*

US: North Korea, I heard you have weapon of mass destruction!

North Korea: Yeah? What's up with that?

US: No.. nothin...

Wanna know how I escaped Iraq?

Iran

I called the suicide prevention hotline in Iraq

They got all excited and asked me if I could drive a truck.

“Son In Iraq I killed 15 people.”

Son: Dad you were a helicopter mechanic

Dad:Never said I was a good one

George Bush goes to a primary school

George Bush goes to a primary school to talk about the war. After his talk, he offers question time.

One little boy puts up his hand and George asked, What is your name?

Bob

And what is your question, Bob?

I have 3 questions.

First, why did the USA invade Iraq with...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Hey girl, are you from Iraq?

Because you look Saddam fine when you Baghdad ass up.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A Marine returns from duty in Iraq and is immediately reassigned to a remote location in Afghanistan.

That evening he arrives at his new post; a run down mosque in the middle of nowhere.

As he switches over with the marine currently stationed there, he realises there is no bed, no clean water, no toilet, just him, his weapon and the dirt on the floor.

The next morning he wakes up to f...

An American Major in Iraq..

The major arrives at a remote post. “Where’s your lieutenant?” he asks a private.

“Sir, there isn’t a lieutenant assigned to this post.”

“I was told there was.”

“No, sir, no lieutenant here.”

“I’m pretty sure there is.”

The private thinks about it for a moment. “We...

Why are there no Walmart’s in Iraq?

Because they’re all targets

We should have sent the Opportunity rover to Iraq

since its original mission was supposed to be 3 months but then it kept going for 14 years for no good reason

A soldier ran up to a nun.

Out of breath he asked: "Please, may I hide under your skirt. I'll explain later."

The nun agreed. A moment later two Military Police officer ran up and asked: "Sister, have you seen a soldier?"

The nun replied: "He went that way."

After the Military Police officers ran off, the...

I ran into a buddy in town earlier today. He only has one arm God bless him, lost it in Iraq.

Anyway I asked him where he was off to.

"To change a light bulb" he replies.

"Won't that be difficult?" I ask.

"Nah" he says, "I've still got the receipt".

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[NSFW] [LONG] A soldier returns home from Iraq...

Greeted by his wife, he hugs her tight, and she's ready to jump his bones. He stops her however, and tells her, "Baby, while I was away, I want you to know, I didn't stray in thought or body. I spent every waking moment thinking of you, and in that process, I developed a new trick." This certainly h...

Bet you can’t guess how I got out of Iraq

I invaded Kuwait

Saudi Arabian seems really behind on the times.

It's like they're living under Iraq or something.

My sister got captured by terrorists while vacationing in Iraq

But I guess jihad it coming

Reporter: "Why did you attack Iraq in the 90s?"

Reporter: "Why did you attack Iraq in the 90s?"
USA: "Because we suspected that they had Weapons of Mass Destruction"
Reporter: "Why did you attack Syria now?"
USA: "Because we suspect they have Weapons of Mass Destruction"
Reporter: "Why didn't you attack North Korea then?" ...

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A CNN reporter, a BBC reporter, and an Israeli commando are captured by ISIS in Iraq.

The leader of the terrorists told them that he would grant them each one last request before they were beheaded.

The CNN Reporter said, "Well, I’m an American, so I’d like one last hamburger with French fries.”

The leader nodded to an underling who left and returned with the burger &am...

The new Call of Duty just got released in Iraq

They call it the Sims

Note: this technically a repost

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Some fucker got my wife Prego during my deployment to Iraq...

Everyone knows our family prefers Ragu.

During the Gulf War, a soldier has just arrived in Iraq

Two days after being deployed, he gets asked by his best mate back at home to the mate's best man at his wedding. The soldier quickly agrees, and go to ask his commanding officer for leave.

"Leave? After only two days? You must be mad, to even consider asking me for it. You won't get leave un...

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How did I get out of Iran?

Iraq.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

An Army Captain is assigned to a remote desert post in Iraq

During inspection, he notices a camel tied up outside the barracks. He asks the soldier, "why is that camel there?"

The soldier says: "There are 250 men here and no women. Sometimes men get urges."

A month later the Captian has urges himself. He puts the ladder behind the camel, drops ...

Lucy, Linus, and Charlie Brown are assigned a history project.

Each person was assigned a country to report on.

“Wow!” Lucy said. “I got Italy!”

“Interesting” exclaimed Linus. “I got Germany.”

With dismay, Charlie Brown said, “I got Iraq.”

There were too many suicide bombings happening in Iraq.

I think it is fair to call it abomination.

What did i do to escape Iraq?

Iran



Don’t worry this story Israel

"Mr. President, two Brazilian soldiers were killed yesterday in Iraq."

"Oh my God! How many is a Brazilian?"

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An iron worker moves to Iraq

An iron worker moves to Iraq to make use of all the scrap metal lying around. After a few weeks of collecting he had a few close calls with finding mines in the piles of scrap, which according to the locals was a fairly common occurrence. After nearly loosing his arms for the fifth or sixth time he ...

A man is in Iraq and sees a fancy antique lamp for sale in shop.

The shop owner assured the man that if he rubbed the lamp a genie would appear and he would get 3 wishes.

The man spent many days planning for his three wishes and finally rubbed the lamp.

When the genie appeared the man exclaimed in wonder. It was true! "For my first wish....."
<...

What's the national bird of Iraq?

A drone.

Why don't people in Kuwait know who Obama is?

Because they've been living under Iraq.

An British, Mexican, French and American soldier were drinking around a campfire in Iraq

The British soldier finished drinking his bottle of whisky , threw it into the desert and shot the bottle.

"Why did you do that?" asked the French soldier.

"Because in Britain we have lots of whisky"

The French Soldier finished his bottle of wine, and like the British soldier he...

What do you call sandpaper in Iraq?

A map.

A guy in Baghdad sinks the 8-ball in regulation...

A guy in Baghdad sinks the 8-ball in regulation. His friend says "nice win, play again?" He responds "Okay, but Iraq."

I called the suicide hotline in Iraq. I told the operator that lately I've been having suicidal thoughts.

Operator: "Great! Can you drive a truck?"

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Some people ask me how I got out of Iran

Well the answer to that is...

Iraq

Oh wait crap

An Iraq War Veteran Walks into a Bar

He quietly takes a seat and asks for a bourbon, double. The bartender obliges, and notices the man's dog-tags while he pours the drink. "First one's on the house – for your service." The veteran nods in approval and reaches towards his glass, but drops it just as he picks it up, spilling the whiskey...

A large group of Isis fighters in Iraq

A large group of Isis fighters in Iraq are moving down a road when they hear a voice call from behind a sand dune: "One British Para is better than ten Isis fighters". The Isis commander quickly orders 10 of best men over the dune where a gun battle breaks out and continues for a few minutes, then s...

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A man applies to a government job, and he gets told this:

The interviewer asked him if he was allergic to anything.

He replies " Yes caffeine, I can't drink coffee,"

"OK," the interviewer says " Have you been in the military?"

The man answers " Yes I was in Iraq for two years."

The interviewer says " OK that will give you 5 po...

How come there are no Walmart’s in Iraq?

Because there’s a Target at every corner!

A guy spots a sign outside a house that reads "Talking dog for sale"

Intrigued he walks in and sees the dog. "So what have you done with your life?" he asks the dog

"I have had a very full life" says the dog. "I have lived in the Alps, rescued avalanche victims, I served my country in Iraq, and now I spend my days reading to the residents of a retirement home...

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A man goes to the Council to apply for a job

The interviewer asks him, ''Are you allergic to anything?''


He replies, "Yes, caffeine. I can't drink coffee.''


''OK, have you ever been in the military
service?''


he says, ''l was in Iraq for one tour.''
The interviewer says, ''That will give you 5
ex...

What do you get for calling a suicide hotline in Iraq?

A job offer

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What's the most commonly played song at a strip club in Iraq?

Baghdad ass up.

What does Dora say in Iraq?

Sniper no Sniping

Scotland is like Iraq

A little but Sunni, but an awful lot Shiite.

I also called a suicide hotline in Iraq...

They told me to try calling back in a few days because they already had enough volunteers for the week.

Why did Bush's exit plan fail?

He was caught between Iraq and a hard place.

Three Men are sitting at a bus stop

The first man says, "I served in the U.S. Army for 10 years. I was involved in the Korean War."

The second man says, "Nice. I served in the United States Marine Corps for 8 years. I was involved in the Iraq War."

The third man says, "I was involved in the War on Drugs. I served 15 year...

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Trooper in Iraq

A man recently deployed to Iraq is being shown around his new base. At the end of the tour the commanding officer shows the soldier a camel tied to a post. He says,"The men use this camel whenever they begin to feel lonely, feel free to do the same." The soldier responds,"Oh, I'm sure it will never ...

People say Iraq weather was great,

They always talk about how Sunni it is but personally I think it was Shiite.

Donald Trump dies and goes to hell

In 50 years, he comes to the devil and says: "I know I'm going to spend an eternity here. I would like to ask you for a favor. I miss my country, I miss the United States. Can I go back to Washington DC for 15 minutes? I will go to the nearest bar, drink some beer and have a little chat with the bar...

The Teacher asked her young students to get their parents to tell them a story with a moral at the end of it

The next day, the kids came back and one by one, began to tell their stories.

There were all the regular types of stuff.But then the teacher realised that only Janie was left. "Janie, do you have a story to share ?'


''Yes madam......My daddy told me a story about
my Mom.She was...

The Islamic State is hosting a music festival in Iraq.

The first annual Allahpalooza is sure to go off with a bang.

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