This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A hunter shoots a duck and it falls on First Nations land...

The Hunter goes to get it, and a native man stops him. "This duck is on my land, so it's mine."

The hunter argues that he shot it, so it's his.

They go back and forth for some time, and finally the native says, "My people have a tradition here for settling disputes - we take turns kick...

What did the part First Nations, part French-Canadian pirate say after boiling a kettle on his 80th birthday?

Aye matey. I'm Métis. I made tea. I'm eighty.

What's the best nation?

The Donation.

We had a surprise costume party for my Australian co-workers promotion and we dressed him up as his nations favorite marsupial.

He was well koalafied.

I wanted to be First Nation

But I just wasn’t Inuit

In which nation do you get laid very easily?

Imagination.

It is interesting how different nations have their dogs make different sounds.

An American dog goes 'woof', a Czech dog goes 'haf', a Dutch dog goes 'blaf' and a Korean dog goes 'sizzle'.

I remember when I worked at the United Nations

And one day one of the secretaries asked me to get Kofi Annan a gram of cocaine.

Of course, I called him immediately.

"Kofi" I said, "right now the only one I can think of is 'oceanic'"

A German, an Italian, a Frenchman and an Englishman are having a philosophical debate.

The question arises: What separates man from the animals?


"Technology," says the German. "Other creatures have tools, yet none can match the hights of engineering we have accomplished. It is our industry that separates us from the beasts."


"I disagree," announces the Italian. "...

How many parties does it take to run a democratic nation?

Two, one to... just kidding you can't run a democratic nation on two parties.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Hitler: *tries to attack Russia* Stalin: “If he’s going to attack our nation...

Then Soviet”

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

How could Donald Trump ever get elected in this great nation?

...said the country pissed off that the super bowl didn’t play music from spongebob.

The United Nations are putting on an event with carousels, candy floss and a ferris wheel a couple of towns away.

I wish they'd come to my town. It's UNfair.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I once tried to control a nation by simply walking around with a vegetable on the end of my penis...

I learned this trick from other dick taters.

Who decided that the Fire Nation would have Fire Nation Soldiers...

when they could have had Fire Fighters.

The year is 2135, and the US and Russia are the only 2 remaining nations.

After a century of warfare, the two nations expanded their borders, annexing an country that stood in it's way.

Both nations, hungering for world domination, have been at war with each other for over 20 years, and have decided that the fighting would never end, as the two were so closely matc...

Why could the Fire Nation defeat the Air Benders so easily?

Because wind resistance is negligible

The United Nations conducts a survey worldwide

The only question asked was: "Would you please give us your honest opinion about solutions to the food shortage in the rest of the world?"

The survey was a complete failure...

In Africa they did not know what "food" meant

In China they did not know what "honest" meant

In ...

I once read somewhere that the most religious nations are generally the poorest...

I thought about it for a little bit, and I came to the conclusion that it must be true...

Because someone blessed the rains down in Africa.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

English Teacher

A young woman applies for a job at a school. The principal looks at her pretty and innocent face and tells her “I’m sorry Our only opening is for an English teacher for a special class. The students in this class are rejects from all over the city and can’t spell even the simplest of words. No other...

Did you hear? Being the greatest business man and genius that he is, Donald Trump will be fixing the most original flaw of this great nation. And it will finally be known as America:

Land of the Fee! (Conditions may apply)

I feel like the United Nations right now....

I say I’m doing work but I’m not.

What is Donald Trump's favorite nation?

Discrimination.

For hundreds of years they were forced to work for us across our nation, tirelessly and without monetary compensation. They were whipped, and tied to wooden posts. Even today, they are exploited for sports and entertainment.

Man, horses must really hate us.

If the US has a heated debate over global warming that polarizes the nation

desn't that mean problem solved?

If Luxembourg invaded another nation,

then they’d probably be hit with a Luxembargo.

The invention of the shovel was groundbreaking,

but the invention of the broom swept the nation.

Most Middle Eastern Nations don't like the Flintstones..

But ABU DHAIBI DOO!

Putin, at the summit: Donald, I’m thinking of annexing all the nations around Russia. What do you think?

Trump: Then Soviet.

The United Nations initiated a poll with the request, "Please tell us your honest opinion about the lack of food in the rest of the world."

The poll was a total failure. The Russians did not understand "Please". The Italians did not know the word "honest". The Chinese did not know what an "opinion" was. The Swiss did not know "lack", while the Africans did not know "food". Finally, the Americans didn't know anything about the "rest of t...

Why does no other nation have the **American Dream**?

Because the rest of the world is awake!

I was talking to a russian the other day and he said that russia is the largest european nation...

I said, sorry man, eurasian.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Trump is really bringing the nation together...

Everyone I know seems to be rallying behind "Fuck Trump".

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

President Trump has declared Palestine "not a Shithole Nation".

"It's a Shithole Territory"

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Maybe every nation has ninjas

And the Japanese ninjas are just the worst

Poor children in African nations are really excited...

They're finally getting New England Patriot super bowl championship shirts!

What did the Arab Nations say when Iran blockaded the Strait of Hormuz?

OMAN...

How do you brainwash a tropical nation?

Air conditioning.

The President and his closest allies are involved in a terrible plane crash, and are left clinging to debris in the middle of the stormy sea.

As time passes, their arms grow weaker, and the squall grows stronger, until the waves threaten to swallow them up. Suddenly, an army helicopter appears overhead, and a Soldier on board lowers a rope to pull the President up.

As soon as the head of government is brought in, the Soldier turns ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Hillary Clinton was invited to address a major gathering of the American Indian Nation two weeks ago in upstate New York.

She spoke for almost an hour about her plans for increasing every Native American’s present standard of living. She referred to her time as a U.S. Senator and how she had voted for every Native American issue that came to the floor of the Senate.

 

Although Hillary was vague a...

Did you know California supplies 2/3 of the nations fruits and nuts?

And a lot of produce too.

I already got a date this valentine's day. Her name is Emma,

Emma Gination.

Name the nation people hate most

Examination

How do people from fake African nations play Limbo?

Same as everyone else, they Wakanda the stick.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

World Peace

My wife asked me what I wanted for Christmas. 


"World peace" I said. 

"Something more realistic!" she laughed 

"Ok how about a blowjob once a week?" 

She reached for the phone. 

"Who are you calling?" I asked. 

"The United Nations" she replied.

Shortly after the Chernobyl incident...

...China, America, and Germany came too help with their state of the art cleanup robots, and sent them out to show them off to each other.

The Chinese robot broke down even before it could reach the cleanup site.

The Americans cheered as their robot performed its task in the highly i...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Bancroft was an unimpressive man

he had no viable skills or accomplishments. He has always dreamed of joining the king’s army and becoming a knight but was always rejected as he was too short. He would often complain to his friend, Alcott, about his height. He would repeatedly say, “If only I was taller, I would be able to be a kni...

The United Nations world-wide survey

The United Nations sent out a survey to all the nations in the different continents of the world.

The survey went like this:

"We want your honest opinion on how to find a solution to the food shortage in the rest of the world"

The survey of course, turned out to be a total and a...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I escaped a burning Island nation and then had sex in a monastery.

It was out of the frying Japan and into the friar.

The United Nations is like a black father

You know it exists but it's just never there when you need it .

Donald Trump dies and goes to hell

In 50 years, he comes to the devil and says: "I know I'm going to spend an eternity here. I would like to ask you for a favor. I miss my country, I miss the United States. Can I go back to Washington DC for 15 minutes? I will go to the nearest bar, drink some beer and have a little chat with the bar...

Even if they all unite against Trump, those seven countries won't get off the list

A seven nation army couldn't hold Trump back.

4 people are on a crashing plane, but there are only 3 parachutes.

The first person the grab a parachute is Brad Pitt and as he reachs for the door he says, "My family and my fans need me surely you will understand.", off he goes.

The next person to grab one is Donald Trump:
"Im the most intellegent president this nation ever saw i will do great things...

The Bulgarian Train Conductor

Most kids want to become a firefighter or astronaut when they’re older. This man, however, really wanted to become a train conductor. Unfortunately, he gets the job and he loves it. But one particular day, he’s enjoying his job a little too much. He’s driving too fast and accidentally derails the tr...

Why doesn't Santa pay taxes?

Generations ago, when Santa's grandparents were in charge of the gift-giving industry, the North Pole was starting its population boom. Consequentially, the North Polish government decided they should tax these new and future residents to keep the nation afloat. But as Santa's grandparents had been ...

Nicaragua just signed the Paris Climate Agreement, leaving the US and Syria as the only nations not in the agreement.

It's interesting. One of these countries is a corrupt, remote wasteland headed straight into chaos, pitting religious fundamentalists headed by a crooked tyrant against the majority of the people, and the other one is Syria.

I've always wanted to buy an island and found my own nation on it.

I'd name it Procrasti. I'll get around to it some day.

An Scotsman, an Englishman and an Irishman are captured by a native American tribe.

As the leader of the tribe looks at them, he says "You may wish for one thing. you can not wish to live and you can not wish to kill my tribe. After this, we will skin you and use your skin as canoes."

The Scotsman step forwards first and says " I am true to my nation. May I please have a sco...

If two impoverished African nations went into battle against each other...

... Would that be a third-world war?

There's a lot of talk about making Puerto Rico the 51st state

But I think the goal should be to get to 53 states.

A good solid **prime** number.



One Nation, Indivisible.





An Arabic, an American, an Australian and an Israeli flew on an airplane

The pilot says in the mic: "Gentlemen, we are sorry but the left engine stopped working. We only have 3 parachutes left. decide between yourselfes who is going to jump."

The American takes a parachute and say: "We are the strongest nation." And jumps.

The Arabic takes a parachute and s...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

When/If Scotland becomes independent, what will the national currency be called?

Doesn't matter, you won't be able to pry it out of the cheap bastards' hands anyway.

The invention of the broom may have swept the nation...

... but the invention of the Galaxy Note 7 really set the world on fire

In a bar, an American, an Italian, a Turkish and an Indian met.

After a few pegs, they started discussing about the great things their respective nations produced.

American: "We are proud of our CIA. They know everything that is going around the world, often even before it happens".

Italian: "We are proud of our women. They are the most beautiful ...

Why didn't the Avatar want to fight the Fire Nation?

Because they gave him Aang-xiety

So this farmer named Juan wants to run for city council.

He notices his small town is going downhill and wants to make a difference. He asks his wife what his slogan should be and she says: "Well you don't beat me, the kids, or your cow, so use that."

So Juan runs for city council using the slogan: "I don't beat my wife, I don't beat my kids, I don...

God gathers the leaders of every nation

to tell them that the world is going to end in a week, and that they must inform their countrymen and women. Shocked, the leaders return home wondering how to best break the news. The next day, they all hold press conferences.

Barack Obama: "I have some good news and some bad news. The good ...

Did you hear about the nation's best farmer?

He's out standing in his field.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What do you call a nation of angry women?

A cuntry.

One nation, under Trump, divisible...

Trade liberty and justice for Wall.

What's the best nation in the world?

A donation

(Adapted from a homeless man who sat outside my building)

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

God went around the world looking for a nation to give his commandments to.

First he tried the French.
"Would you be interested in my commandments?"
"What's in 'em?"
"Well... There's 'thou shalt not commit adultery"
"No thank you."

God then tried the Romanians.
"Would you be interested in my commandments?"
"What's in 'em?"
"Well... ...

Why is the United States always in political disarray?

It's a nation without a litre.

What do you call a nation of programmers?

A developing country

This nation really has gotten lazy, what with buying pre-shredded cheese and all.

I think it's time to make America grate again.

What do the African nations Zimbabwe, Tanzania, Mozambique, Zambia, and Swaziland have in common?

A lot of da Z's.

Two warring nations....(kinda long)

Two warring nations have been fighting over their "holy land" for hundreds upon hundreds of years. One day, they decide to send their best philosopher to a duel of knowledge, to determine who truly deserves the "holy land". The only dilemma is neither nation speaks the same language.

So the t...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

The smart wasp... (sorry if it's a repost, someone asked me to tell it)

So there is this wasp, right? Now, he's not *ordinary* wasp, mind you, but an incredibly smart one. This wasp is so smart, that he feels as though he doesn't belong in his little waspy town, so he decides to pack up and go to a human high school. So off he goes to high school, with nothing but his k...

President Trump stood at the podium in front of a hundred cameras.

"Good morning. I want to tell you about the work our Customs and Border Patrol people are doing on the southern border. I'm being told that we have more people crossing the border illegally now than ever before in our nation's history -- maybe in the history of the world. Yesterday, our people captu...

What do you call a country populated by people with weak bladders?

A uri-nation.

How the nation of Canada got named.

There was much polite arguing about what to name the country. So they decided to draw letters from a hat. The first letter was a "C", so the announcer says "C, eh". The next letter drawn was an "N", and he says "N, eh"...

I told this joke on /r/politics recently, figured I would share it here...

Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.