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Bringing Jokes

Who is in favour of bringing Roman numerals back into use?

I for one.

Three bulls heard the rancher was bringing another bull onto the ranch.

Three bulls heard the rancher was bringing another bull onto the ranch.

First Bull: "I've been here five years. I'm not giving this new bull any of my 100 cows."

Second Bull: "I've been here three years and have earned my right to 50 cows. I'm keeping all my cows."

Third B...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

My grandad was responsible for bringing down several Nazi planes during WW2.

The Luftwaffe said he was the worst mechanic they ever employed.

COVID is bringing everyone a little closer to being Batman

Either you are wearing a mask or your parents are dead.

Boss: John, for 30 years you have been bringing me coffee...

Boss: John, for 30 years you have been bringing me coffee, filled to the brim, without even spilling a drop. How do you manage that over these stairs?

John: That's easy! Before I climb up the stairs, I take a big sip, and as I get to the top, I put it back in.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

"I'll bring your family back to life if you can fuck me 5 times without dying."

There's this farmer, his wife, daughter, and three sons. The farmer walks out one day and finds his only cow dead on the ground. "Shit! That was the only cow we had, how will I feed my family?" and he blows his brains out with a shotgun. The wife comes out to investigate the gunshot, finds her husba...

In an effort to create a more traditional vibe for our downtown, I proposed bringing in some gas lighting.

The city council called me crazy and said they already talked about this last meeting.

Did you hear Justin Timberlake is bringing out a song to commemorate the Ukraine war?

Crimea River

Abraham Lincoln went to see a play without bringing the Secret Service

He never heard the end of it

I was bringing my neatly arranged laundry back to the cupboard when I tripped.

I saw the problem unfolding right before my eyes.

The lion decided to invite everyone to his birthday party. But, him being the king, he ordered everybody to bring him meat as a present, or else he will hit them with his massive dong. And soon, the day came and all the animals lined up infront of the lion's cave with their presents.

The Wolf wanted to gift the King lamb, the fox had a chicken, the leopard an antilope, and so on...The lion greeted all of his guests and welcomed them to the party. Suddenly, the rabbit stood infront of him with a carrot. All guests went silent. The lion looked him in the eyes and said: " You know...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

My dog disgraced himself by escaping and bringing home next doors rabbit.

It was very dead and covered in dirt but I couldn't see any wound so I thought I might just be able to get away without confessing. So I quickly washed and blow dried the deceased bunny, snuck round the fence and popped bun back in its hutch, all snuggled up looking in its straw so it looked just l...

An older man is finally able to leave the Soviet Union in the late 1980s for the first time in his life.

His wife and son have already left and settled in the States, and he's finally able to go and join them.

On his way out through the Soviet border, the guard looks through his luggage and finds a bust of Lenin.

"What is this?" he asks.

"Don't ask me *what* this is, ask me *who* ...

My great-grandad was personally responsible for bringing down over 30 German aircraft in WW2.

All the other mechanics in the Luftwaffe never really liked him though.

NSFW: My wife suggested bringing toys into the bedroom to spice things up.

So I fisted her with hulk hands.

My friend claims that Trump is singlehandedly bringing down America, but I disagree.

With hands that small, he probably has to use them both.

Grammar is bringing dessert.

The synonym rolls are amazing

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An older man was driving his new Mercedes at 100 mph

An older man was driving his new Mercedes at 100 mph when he noticed a police car chasing him in the rearview mirror. He accelerated to 125 and then 155 mph. Suddenly, he thought to himself, "I've outgrown this bullshit." He slowed down, pulled over to the side of the road, and waited for the police...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Looking for good president jokes.

Please post jokes that can't be just copy-pasted from one administration to another.

Here, I'll start.

George Bush and Dick Cheney stopped in to a small diner for breakfast while touring through the country.

The waitress comes to take their orders. Cheney orders an omelette. Sh...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Trump is really bringing the nation together...

Everyone I know seems to be rallying behind "Fuck Trump".

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I'm bringing sexy back!

Apparently there was a misunderstanding and I should have never been allowed to take it in the first place...

Detective 1: "Why do you keep bringing Quasimodo to the crime scenes? He doesn't have any real facts or information."

Detective 2: "Say what you will about him, but he's got a hunch."

A gun company has been criticised after bringing out a pistol covered in Lego

The manufacturer says it's perfectly safe, unless you step on it in bare feet.

9/11 jokes aren't known for bringing the house down

They bring the towers down

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I was fired for bringing peanut butter cups to work

I blame systemic Reesism.

The bartender said "Would you mind not bringing that gun in here?"

"But I'm afraid of being spied on by the CIA!" I shot back.

We all laughed. I laughed, the bartender laughed, even the gumball machine laughed. Then I shot the gumball machine.

i wish people would stop bringing god into everything

jesus christ, it's so annoying.

Felt like bringing back an old but gold one

Q. Where does a king keep his armies?
A. Up his sleevies

Two Polish pilots are bringing the plane in for a landing...

...The plane hits the runway. They don’t have enough room to stop and they smash into the terminal.

One pilot turns to the other and says, “Man, that was a short runway.”

The other pilot says, “Yeah, but it sure was wide though!”

A Chinese, Indian, American, and African decides to have a party, each bringing in their own traditional food. The Chinese brings in fried rice, the Indian brings in curry, and the American brings in burgers. What does the African bring in?

An empty plate.

I was known as the cool guy until I started bringing drinks and food to parties.

Now I'm the cooler guy.

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