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Seizure Jokes

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A guy with seizures came up to a girl and said

"Every other guy can be a dildo, but I can be your vibrator"

I had a seizure on my date last night

Really shook things up

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What’s the difference between a corn farmer with seizures and a prostitute with diarrhea?

One shucks between fits, the other fucks betweens shits

What do you call a bodybuilder having a seizure?

A protein shake

What do you call it when a white guy is dancing and has a seizure?

An improvement.

What do you do when your GF is having a seizure in the bathtub?

Toss in a load of laundry with her. Save four quarters.

My older, attractive next door neighbor had a seizure on her front yard today.

The MILF shakes brought paramedics to the yard.

So i told a colorful joke to a guy who has seizures

I guess the joke was too good he died laughing

Whats the first thing you do if you find your wife having a seizure in the bathtub?

Throw in the laundry

If I have seizures brought on by soda...

Do I have Pepsilepsy?

A crafting website for people who have seizures

Epiletsy

What is an epileptic's favorite pizza place?

Little Seizures

Doctor said if I don’t stop drinking, I’ll go into a seizure and die

Oooh I’m shaking

What do you call El Chapo suffering from seizures?

Narcolepsy

Hillary Clinton has a seizure during the debate...

"Mrs. Clinton," the Moderator asks, "What is your plan to lower the national debt?"

Suddenly, Hillary flails her arms around, rolls her eyes wildly, foams at the mouth, and gibbers incoherently for several awkward minutes. Finally, she collapses in a heap and soils herself.

"Hey!" Trum...

More seizure jokes

What do you call a guy that has an epileptic fit in a lettuce patch?

A seizure salad.

My dad suffers from seizures...

...so far they've taken his car, his house and his boat

One liner

What do epileptic vegetarians eat?

-Seizure Salads

A student in my Poli Sci class had a seizure today.

thought it would be a good time to talk about the 4th amendment.

What's a toddler with epilepsy's favorite pizza restaurant?

Little seizures.

See you all in hell.

My grandma flaps her legs during her seizures

We all get a kick out of it

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A man goes to the doctor because he can't keep his food down…

"I don't know why, Doc, but every time I eat something it just comes back up a little while later!"

The doctor examines him, and then says "I think you may be a good candidate for this experimental treatment I'm developing, if you're willing."

"At this point, I'm willing to try anythin...

A man goes to his veterinarian and complains, "I think my goldfish is having seizures."

"He seems fine now," the doctor replies. "Yeah," the man says, "but just wait until I take him out of the bowl."

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What do you call a cow having a seizure?

Beef jerky

What do you do with an epileptic child having a seizure in your bathtub?

Add your dirty clothes and soap.

A 911 operator gets a call.

"911 what's your emergency?" the operator asks.

"I'm smoking." replied a middle-aged woman.

"Sorry, ma'am but you shouldn't be calling 911. Please contact an expert if you need help." The operator hangs up the phone.

The phone rings again.

"911, what's your emergency?" t...

What do epileptic children have in common with cheap pizza?

Little Seizures

A Man arrives at his small business first thing on Monday morning. He is met by the local Sheriff and his deputies, armed with a warrant for his arrest and a full search and Seizure of his business and assets.

After he is placed in handcuff and read his rights, a Slim mild mannered man in a suit approaches him and identifies himself as an IRS agent.

IRS Agent: “Are you Mr Jones who resides at 188 Boardwalk Rd?”

Mr Jones: “Yes I am”

IRS Agent: “Do you own and run ‘Jones: Fun house...

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Little Johnny and the Alphabet

Little Johnny’s teacher announces to the class, “For today’s exercise, I will go through the alphabet and for each letter, select a student to share a word that begins with that letter.”

She scans the class and begins, “The first letter is A.”

Several students raise their hands, includ...

I knew a guy who managed to unlocked 100% of his brain

He died of a seizure in the hospital, it was pretty tragic

(OC) What did Tua Tagovailoa have for supper Thursday night?

Little Seizures.

In all seriousness I hope the guys ok

According to experts, I've heard that marijuana can stop seizures...

And now, according to the CDC, romaine lettuce can stop Caesar's.

What’s an epileptic’s least favorite side dish?

Seizure Salad.

I have an epileptic cousin.

His name? Julius Seizure

Yo Mama So Fat

Ed Sheeran had a seizure trying to describe the shape of her

Epileptic Santa!

"He seizures when you're sleeping."

What's the most unhealthy meal served in a nursing home?

The Seizure salad.

What was Juicewrld's favourite restaurant?

Lil Seizures

I'm going to start a treatment center for children with epilepsy

I'll call it little seizures.

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A neurologist is running late...

"I have a condition that gives me a seizure whenever I get dizzy," one of them says, hoping to break the ice with another bored patient.

"Are you taking anything for it?" she asks.

"Oh yes, anti-epileptics and Dramamine."

After a long silence, she sheepishly adds: "I hav...

What did the epileptic eat for dinner?

Seizure salad

(yes, I'll roast in hell for this one)

How do epileptics say farewell?

"Seizure later!"

I have a short friend who's epileptic and makes pizza for a living

I call him Little Seizures

Did you hear about the Repo company whose boss has epilepsy?

Little Seizures

what is maximum self destruction?

when a leper gets an epileptic seizure

I took my goldfish to the vet.

“He’s having seizures.”

The vet responded, “He looks fine to me.”

“Sure,” I said, “but wait until I get him out of the bowl.”

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The Shah and the Guard

Once upon a time, far away in the ancient land of Persia, the ruler of the country was called the Shah and his wife was known as the Shahnee.

And it came to pass, in the fullness of time, that the Shahnee gave birth to a son, and this son, being the heir to the Peacock Throne was given the ti...

When I bought pizza today my hands started to spasm

You could say I got Little Seizures.

What's Hillary's favorite pizza place?

Little Seizures

If a cop enters your home, falls down and begins convulsing....

Is that an unlawful search and seizure?

An ambulance was called to a local restaurant this afternoon.

When the paramedics walked in, the saw two men on the floor having seizures. The paramedics split up, each going to one of the men. Suddenly, both men stopped their convulsing. The paramedics asked if they were all right.

"Oh, we're fine. We both have epilepsy, but we don't let it interfere w...

Do you know about the Roman emperor who had epilepsy?

It was Julius Seizure.

Two brain surgeons are discussing cases over lunch.

Surgeon 1: I just don't understand it. I treated a monk with epilepsy by implanting a seizure inhibitor device - the one with a microcomputer that sends out current to negate the seizure. It's working perfectly and his seizures are gone, but he keeps putting acorns and stuff into hollow spaces in tr...

What did a brain surgeon order at a restaurant?

A seizure salad

The Johnsons are celebrating Christmas...

Little Timmy, who just turned 6, never speaks. He is always silent and all the family thinks he's got some kind of problem.

While all the family is enjoying Christmas evening dinner, suddenly, little Timmy stands up and says:

"-Uncle"

All the family is speechless...

There was this epileptic Roman ruler...

...who was prone to occasional fits. He was also very self-conscious about it. One day, one of his guards (who also suffered from epilepsy) went into convulsions in the hall while the monarch was eating dinner.

Assuming that the man was mocking him, the dictator furiously ordered him to be t...

What do you call an epileptic that got stabbed in the back?

Julius Seizure

What do you call a support group for child epileptics?

Little Seizures

What if we use 100% of our brain?

Communist seizures

So a blonde girl takes her goldfish to the vet...

...and she says to the veterinarian, "Hey, I think my goldfish has epilepsy; it has these awful seizures!"

The veterinarian takes one look at the fish and replies, "Well, it looks alright to me."

The blonde replies angrily, "Well Jesus, let me get it out of the bowl first!"

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