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A guy with seizures came up to a girl and said

"Every other guy can be a dildo, but I can be your vibrator"

Doctor said that if I don’t stop drinking, I’ll go into shock and die of a seizure

Oooh I’m shaking...

What do you call a bodybuilder having a seizure?

A protein shake

What's the proper procedure when witnessing someone having a seizure in a bathtub?

Sprint to your room, grab all the dirty clothes you can, and start saving money on laundry.

I had a seizure on my date last night

Really shook things up

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What’s the difference between a corn farmer with seizures and a prostitute with diarrhea?

One shucks between fits, the other fucks betweens shits

What do you call it when a white guy is dancing and has a seizure?

An improvement.

What do you do when your GF is having a seizure in the bathtub?

Toss in a load of laundry with her. Save four quarters.

So i told a colorful joke to a guy who has seizures

I guess the joke was too good he died laughing

My older, attractive next door neighbor had a seizure on her front yard today.

The MILF shakes brought paramedics to the yard.

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For me it was the best sex of my life.

For her it was just another epileptic seizure.

A man goes to his veterinarian and complains, "I think my goldfish is having seizures."

"He seems fine now," the doctor replies. "Yeah," the man says, "but just wait until I take him out of the bowl."

A crafting website for people who have seizures

Epiletsy

Recently my dad's been suffering from seizures.

First it was the car, then the house, then the boat.

A Man arrives at his small business first thing on Monday morning. He is met by the local Sheriff and his deputies, armed with a warrant for his arrest and a full search and Seizure of his business and assets.

After he is placed in handcuff and read his rights, a Slim mild mannered man in a suit approaches him and identifies himself as an IRS agent.

IRS Agent: “Are you Mr Jones who resides at 188 Boardwalk Rd?”

Mr Jones: “Yes I am”

IRS Agent: “Do you own and run ‘Jones: Fun house...

Whats the first thing you do if you find your wife having a seizure in the bathtub?

Throw in the laundry

A student in my Poli Sci class had a seizure today.

thought it would be a good time to talk about the 4th amendment.

Hillary Clinton has a seizure during the debate...

"Mrs. Clinton," the Moderator asks, "What is your plan to lower the national debt?"

Suddenly, Hillary flails her arms around, rolls her eyes wildly, foams at the mouth, and gibbers incoherently for several awkward minutes. Finally, she collapses in a heap and soils herself.

"Hey!" Trum...

What is an epileptic's favorite pizza place?

Little Seizures

What do you call El Chapo suffering from seizures?

Narcolepsy

If I have seizures brought on by soda...

Do I have Pepsilepsy?

A 911 operator gets a call.

"911 what's your emergency?" the operator asks.

"I'm smoking." replied a middle-aged woman.

"Sorry, ma'am but you shouldn't be calling 911. Please contact an expert if you need help." The operator hangs up the phone.

The phone rings again.

"911, what's your emergency?" t...

More seizure jokes

What do you call a guy that has an epileptic fit in a lettuce patch?

A seizure salad.

What do epileptic children have in common with cheap pizza?

Little Seizures

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A neurologist is running late...

"I have a condition that gives me a seizure whenever I get dizzy," one of them says, hoping to break the ice with another bored patient.

"Are you taking anything for it?" she asks.

"Oh yes, anti-epileptics and Dramamine."

After a long silence, she sheepishly adds: "I hav...

According to experts, I've heard that marijuana can stop seizures...

And now, according to the CDC, romaine lettuce can stop Caesar's.

What do you do with an epileptic child having a seizure in your bathtub?

Add your dirty clothes and soap.

What was the epileptic chefs special menu item?

Seizure Salad.

What's the most unhealthy meal served in a nursing home?

The Seizure salad.

I knew a guy who managed to unlocked 100% of his brain

He died of a seizure in the hospital, it was pretty tragic

Where to epileptics gamble?

Seizures palace

What's a toddler with epilepsy's favorite pizza restaurant?

Little seizures.

See you all in hell.

Epileptic Santa

He seizures when you're sleeping.

Apparently Bruce Foresythe died of a seizure

A nice to seizure to seizure nice

The worst part about my wife being diagnosed with epilepsy is

when I ask her where she wants to get pizza, she can't decide between Shakey's and Little Seizures

What is an epileptic person's favorite dish at Olive Garden?

A seizure salad

What was Juicewrld's favourite restaurant?

Lil Seizures

I'm going to start a treatment center for children with epilepsy

I'll call it little seizures.

What did the epileptic eat for dinner?

Seizure salad

(yes, I'll roast in hell for this one)

What did a brain surgeon order at a restaurant?

A seizure salad

What’s an epileptics favourite food?

Seizure Salad.

Do you know what's total destruction?

When leper gets an epileptic seizure

How do epileptics say farewell?

"Seizure later!"

I have a short friend who's epileptic and makes pizza for a living

I call him Little Seizures

Two brain surgeons are discussing cases over lunch.

Surgeon 1: I just don't understand it. I treated a monk with epilepsy by implanting a seizure inhibitor device - the one with a microcomputer that sends out current to negate the seizure. It's working perfectly and his seizures are gone, but he keeps putting acorns and stuff into hollow spaces in tr...

What's Hillary's favorite pizza place?

Little Seizures

The Johnsons are celebrating Christmas...

Little Timmy, who just turned 6, never speaks. He is always silent and all the family thinks he's got some kind of problem.

While all the family is enjoying Christmas evening dinner, suddenly, little Timmy stands up and says:

"-Uncle"

All the family is speechless...

When I bought pizza today my hands started to spasm

You could say I got Little Seizures.

If a cop enters your home, falls down and begins convulsing....

Is that an unlawful search and seizure?

What do you call a support group for child epileptics?

Little Seizures

There was this epileptic Roman ruler...

...who was prone to occasional fits. He was also very self-conscious about it. One day, one of his guards (who also suffered from epilepsy) went into convulsions in the hall while the monarch was eating dinner.

Assuming that the man was mocking him, the dictator furiously ordered him to be t...

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