UPJOKE
epilepsyarrestcapturefocal seizureabsence seizureusurpationconfiscationkidnappingconvulsionconquestapprehensionsnatchrecapturecatchictus

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A guy with seizures came up to a girl and said

"Every other guy can be a dildo, but I can be your vibrator"

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What’s the difference between a corn farmer with seizures and a prostitute with diarrhea?

One shucks between fits, the other fucks betweens shits

I had a seizure on my date last night

Really shook things up

What do you call a bodybuilder having a seizure?

A protein shake

My older, attractive next door neighbor had a seizure on her front yard today.

The MILF shakes brought paramedics to the yard.

What do you do when your GF is having a seizure in the bathtub?

Toss in a load of laundry with her. Save four quarters.

Epileptic Santa!

"He seizures when you're sleeping."

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What do you call a cow having a seizure?

Beef jerky

A crafting website for people who have seizures

Epiletsy

So i told a colorful joke to a guy who has seizures

I guess the joke was too good he died laughing

What's a toddler with epilepsy's favorite pizza restaurant?

Little seizures.

See you all in hell.

Doctor said if I don’t stop drinking, I’ll go into a seizure and die

Oooh I’m shaking

What do you do when an epileptic has a seizure in a bathtub?

Throw in your laundry.

If I have seizures brought on by soda...

Do I have Pepsilepsy?

Whats the first thing you do if you find your wife having a seizure in the bathtub?

Throw in the laundry

What do you call El Chapo suffering from seizures?

Narcolepsy

Yo Mama So Fat

Ed Sheeran had a seizure trying to describe the shape of her

What did the epileptic eat for dinner?

Seizure salad

(yes, I'll roast in hell for this one)

My grandma flaps her legs during her seizures

We all get a kick out of it

A man goes to his veterinarian and complains, "I think my goldfish is having seizures."

"He seems fine now," the doctor replies. "Yeah," the man says, "but just wait until I take him out of the bowl."

Apparently Bruce Foresythe died of a seizure

A nice to seizure to seizure nice

My dad suffers from seizures...

...so far they've taken his car, his house and his boat

Hillary Clinton has a seizure during the debate...

"Mrs. Clinton," the Moderator asks, "What is your plan to lower the national debt?"

Suddenly, Hillary flails her arms around, rolls her eyes wildly, foams at the mouth, and gibbers incoherently for several awkward minutes. Finally, she collapses in a heap and soils herself.

"Hey!" Trum...

According to experts, I've heard that marijuana can stop seizures...

And now, according to the CDC, romaine lettuce can stop Caesar's.

What do you call an epileptic in a lettuce field?

>!a seizure salad!<

My friend is a little person...

He's epileptic and delivers pizzas for a living.

His name is Kevin, but I like to call him Little Seizures.

I'm going to start a treatment center for children with epilepsy

I'll call it little seizures.

What do you do with an epileptic child having a seizure in your bathtub?

Add your dirty clothes and soap.

I have an epileptic cousin.

His name? Julius Seizure

When I bought pizza today my hands started to spasm

You could say I got Little Seizures.

What was Juicewrld's favourite restaurant?

Lil Seizures

What do epileptic children have in common with cheap pizza?

Little Seizures

A Man arrives at his small business first thing on Monday morning. He is met by the local Sheriff and his deputies, armed with a warrant for his arrest and a full search and Seizure of his business and assets.

After he is placed in handcuff and read his rights, a Slim mild mannered man in a suit approaches him and identifies himself as an IRS agent.

IRS Agent: “Are you Mr Jones who resides at 188 Boardwalk Rd?”

Mr Jones: “Yes I am”

IRS Agent: “Do you own and run ‘Jones: Fun house...

I wish people would enunciate more

I really need to know if you want little Caesar’s or little seizures

what is maximum self destruction?

when a leper gets an epileptic seizure

Police arrested a man after he used a strobe light on a group of photosensitive epileptics during a game of "Hide-And-Seek"

He was charged with "Search and Seizure"

Why did the police chief assign the epileptic cop to K9 patrol?

They made a perfect team. The K9 did the searches and the cop did the seizures!

What's Hillary's favorite pizza place?

Little Seizures

What's the most unhealthy meal served in a nursing home?

The Seizure salad.

If a cop enters your home, falls down and begins convulsing....

Is that an unlawful search and seizure?

What’s an epileptic’s least favorite side dish?

Seizure Salad.

Do you know about the Roman emperor who had epilepsy?

It was Julius Seizure.

What did a brain surgeon order at a restaurant?

A seizure salad

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Little Johnny and the Alphabet

Little Johnny’s teacher announces to the class, “For today’s exercise, I will go through the alphabet and for each letter, select a student to share a word that begins with that letter.”

She scans the class and begins, “The first letter is A.”

Several students raise their hands, includ...

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I was on the bus with my friend the other day...

When I told the joke: "What do you do if you see an epileptc having a seizure in the bath? Throw your laundry in with him!"

Unfortunately, there was a man sitting behind us when I told this, and he leaned over the seat and said "That's not funny at all, my Son happened to die from having a se...

What is it called when a stoner falls down and starts shaking violently?

A T.H.Seizure

One liner

What do epileptic vegetarians eat?

-Seizure Salads

I took my goldfish to the vet.

“He’s having seizures.”

The vet responded, “He looks fine to me.”

“Sure,” I said, “but wait until I get him out of the bowl.”

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A man goes to the doctor because he can't keep his food down…

"I don't know why, Doc, but every time I eat something it just comes back up a little while later!"

The doctor examines him, and then says "I think you may be a good candidate for this experimental treatment I'm developing, if you're willing."

"At this point, I'm willing to try anythin...

Did you hear about the epileptic who played peek-a-boo?

Now he seizure

Now he don't

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What does an epileptic guy do if you flash him?

Seizure...

boobs.

Two brain surgeons are discussing cases over lunch.

Surgeon 1: I just don't understand it. I treated a monk with epilepsy by implanting a seizure inhibitor device - the one with a microcomputer that sends out current to negate the seizure. It's working perfectly and his seizures are gone, but he keeps putting acorns and stuff into hollow spaces in tr...

What do you call an epileptic that got stabbed in the back?

Julius Seizure

What do you call a support group for child epileptics?

Little Seizures

What do you call a human using 100% of their brain?

A seizure.

An ambulance was called to a local restaurant this afternoon.

When the paramedics walked in, the saw two men on the floor having seizures. The paramedics split up, each going to one of the men. Suddenly, both men stopped their convulsing. The paramedics asked if they were all right.

"Oh, we're fine. We both have epilepsy, but we don't let it interfere w...

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