Doctor said that if I don’t stop drinking, I’ll go into shock and die of a seizure

Oooh I’m shaking...

What do you call a bodybuilder having a seizure?

A protein shake

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A guy with seizures came up to a girl and said

"Every other guy can be a dildo, but I can be your vibrator"

I had a seizure on my date last night

Really shook things up

What's the proper procedure when witnessing someone having a seizure in a bathtub?

Sprint to your room, grab all the dirty clothes you can, and start saving money on laundry.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What’s the difference between a corn farmer with seizures and a prostitute with diarrhea?

One shucks between fits, the other fucks betweens shits

What do you call it when a white guy is dancing and has a seizure?

An improvement.

So i told a colorful joke to a guy who has seizures

I guess the joke was too good he died laughing

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

For me it was the best sex of my life.

For her it was just another epileptic seizure.

What do you do when your GF is having a seizure in the bathtub?

Toss in a load of laundry with her. Save four quarters.

My older, attractive next door neighbor had a seizure on her front yard today.

The MILF shakes brought paramedics to the yard.

A man goes to his veterinarian and complains, "I think my goldfish is having seizures."

"He seems fine now," the doctor replies. "Yeah," the man says, "but just wait until I take him out of the bowl."

A Man arrives at his small business first thing on Monday morning. He is met by the local Sheriff and his deputies, armed with a warrant for his arrest and a full search and Seizure of his business and assets.

After he is placed in handcuff and read his rights, a Slim mild mannered man in a suit approaches him and identifies himself as an IRS agent.

IRS Agent: “Are you Mr Jones who resides at 188 Boardwalk Rd?”

Mr Jones: “Yes I am”

IRS Agent: “Do you own and run ‘Jones: Fun house...

A crafting website for people who have seizures

Epiletsy

I've been suffering a lot of seizures recently...

...so far they've taken my house, my car and my boat.

Whats the first thing you do if you find your wife having a seizure in the bathtub?

Throw in the laundry

A 911 operator gets a call.

"911 what's your emergency?" the operator asks.

"I'm smoking." replied a middle-aged woman.

"Sorry, ma'am but you shouldn't be calling 911. Please contact an expert if you need help." The operator hangs up the phone.

The phone rings again.

"911, what's your emergency?" t...

What is an epileptic's favorite pizza place?

Little Seizures

A student in my Poli Sci class had a seizure today.

thought it would be a good time to talk about the 4th amendment.

Hillary Clinton has a seizure during the debate...

"Mrs. Clinton," the Moderator asks, "What is your plan to lower the national debt?"

Suddenly, Hillary flails her arms around, rolls her eyes wildly, foams at the mouth, and gibbers incoherently for several awkward minutes. Finally, she collapses in a heap and soils herself.

"Hey!" Trum...

If I have seizures brought on by soda...

Do I have Pepsilepsy?

What was the epileptic chefs special menu item?

Seizure Salad.

More seizure jokes

What do you call a guy that has an epileptic fit in a lettuce patch?

A seizure salad.

According to experts, I've heard that marijuana can stop seizures...

And now, according to the CDC, romaine lettuce can stop Caesar's.

What's the most unhealthy meal served in a nursing home?

The Seizure salad.

I knew a guy who managed to unlocked 100% of his brain

He died of a seizure in the hospital, it was pretty tragic

What do you call El Chapo suffering from seizures?

Narcolepsy

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A neurologist is running late...

"I have a condition that gives me a seizure whenever I get dizzy," one of them says, hoping to break the ice with another bored patient.

"Are you taking anything for it?" she asks.

"Oh yes, anti-epileptics and Dramamine."

After a long silence, she sheepishly adds: "I hav...

Epileptic Santa

He seizures when you're sleeping.

The worst part about my wife being diagnosed with epilepsy is

when I ask her where she wants to get pizza, she can't decide between Shakey's and Little Seizures

Apparently Bruce Foresythe died of a seizure

A nice to seizure to seizure nice

What is an epileptic person's favorite dish at Olive Garden?

A seizure salad

Where to epileptics gamble?

Seizures palace

I'm going to start a treatment center for children with epilepsy

I'll call it little seizures.

What's a toddler with epilepsy's favorite pizza restaurant?

Little seizures.

See you all in hell.

What was Juicewrld's favourite restaurant?

Lil Seizures

What did the epileptic eat for dinner?

Seizure salad

(yes, I'll roast in hell for this one)

Two brain surgeons are discussing cases over lunch.

Surgeon 1: I just don't understand it. I treated a monk with epilepsy by implanting a seizure inhibitor device - the one with a microcomputer that sends out current to negate the seizure. It's working perfectly and his seizures are gone, but he keeps putting acorns and stuff into hollow spaces in tr...

What did a brain surgeon order at a restaurant?

A seizure salad

What’s an epileptics favourite food?

Seizure Salad.

How do epileptics say farewell?

"Seizure later!"

I have a short friend who's epileptic and makes pizza for a living

I call him Little Seizures

What's Hillary's favorite pizza place?

Little Seizures

When I bought pizza today my hands started to spasm

You could say I got Little Seizures.

If a cop enters your home, falls down and begins convulsing....

Is that an unlawful search and seizure?

The Johnsons are celebrating Christmas...

Little Timmy, who just turned 6, never speaks. He is always silent and all the family thinks he's got some kind of problem.

While all the family is enjoying Christmas evening dinner, suddenly, little Timmy stands up and says:

"-Uncle"

All the family is speechless...

There was this epileptic Roman ruler...

...who was prone to occasional fits. He was also very self-conscious about it. One day, one of his guards (who also suffered from epilepsy) went into convulsions in the hall while the monarch was eating dinner.

Assuming that the man was mocking him, the dictator furiously ordered him to be t...

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