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Alcoholism Jokes

What does necrophilia and alcoholism have in common?

The irresistible urge to crack open a cold one.

A boy asks his father what alcoholism is

The father says, "Well let me explain it this way. See those two trees over there? An alcoholic would say there's four."


The son replies, "But dad, there is only one tree over there."

My alcoholism is really screwing up my law career.

Every time I try to pass the bar...

I just go in.

Alcoholism

Doctor: "Do you suffer from Alcoholism?"

Patient: "No, I actually enjoy it quite a lot."

Alcoholism doesn’t run in my family

It drives

My son said that he's proud of me overcoming alcoholism.

I'll drink to that.

A scientist walks into an AA meeting. “I’ve just invented a cure for alcoholism! Take one of these pills and you’ll never be a problem drinker again!”

An attendee replies: “What happens if you take two?”

Dreamworks has announced a new film exploring Hiccup's descent into depression and alcoholism after saying goodbye to Toothless.

It's called *How to Drain Your Flagon.*

Doctor: "Alcoholism is a disease."

Bartender: "Get your shots here."

I heard that alcoholism is a big problem in the ghost community…

They are all really into boos

- My wife struggles with alcoholism

- Does she drink?
- No, I drink.

Is alcoholism a disease?

I don't know, but it's certainly an ale-ment!

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I joined an alcoholism support group.

It was a total bait-and-switch; every motherfucker there was *against* my alcoholism!

My boss doesn't approve my practice of taking a glass of rum before work. He said "I won't tolerate alcoholism in a workplace!", to which I replied "Sir, it's not alcoholism..

*it's microboozing*

How did Mike Tyson open the door to alcoholism?

Withkey.

Where did Jesus hide his alcoholism?

In his water bottle

What happens when you cross alcoholism and books of literary merit?

Tequila Mockingbird

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