What does necrophilia and alcoholism have in common?

The irresistible urge to crack open a cold one.

- My wife struggles with alcoholism

- Does she drink?
- No, I drink.

My Doctor said, "Alcoholism is a disease."

My bartender said, "Get your shots here."

I thought I might be an alcoholic, so I did some research. It turns out the first sign of alcoholism is denial...

So I guess I'm not an alcoholic.

My son said that he's proud of me overcoming alcoholism.

I'll drink to that.

My boss doesn't approve my practice of taking a glass of rum before work. He said "I won't tolerate alcoholism in a workplace!", to which I replied "Sir, it's not alcoholism..

*it's microboozing*

How did Mike Tyson open the door to alcoholism?


Where did Jesus hide his alcoholism?

In his water bottle


A son walks up to his dad to ask him about alcoholism.

Son: "dad, what is an alcoholic?"
Father: "do you see those four trees over there? Well, an alcoholic would see eight."
Son: "but dad, I only see two!"

Alcoholism is the only disease you get yelled at for having

Dammit Otto, you're an alcoholic

Dammit Otto, you have lupus

One of those doesn't sound right

RIP Mitch Hedberg

Breast cancer awareness has pink ribbons, but what does alcoholism awareness have?


What's the difference between alcoholism and a lobotomy?

I'd rather have a bottle in front of me than a frontal lobotomy.

This joke may contain profanity. ๐Ÿค”

I joined an alcoholism support group.

It was a total bait-and-switch; every motherfucker there was *against* my alcoholism!

What's the difference between squirrels and alcoholism?

Squirrels aren't tearing my family apart.

I'm finally going to do something about my alcoholism

I'm going to pour out all the booze in my house. One shot at a time.

Some people worry drinking in the shower is a sign of alcoholism

I just worry about keeping the water out of my beer

As a law school drop out, I struggle with alcoholism...

I just can't pass a bar

I've been working really hard on controlling my alcoholism

I can't remember the last time I blacked out.

Alcoholism doesn't run in my family.

It walks.

You spill less beer that way.

Once I've read about the perils of alcoholism I've decided to stop...


This joke may contain profanity. ๐Ÿค”

In an interview yesterday, Texas Governor Rick Perry stood by his recent comments in which he compared homosexuality to alcoholism.

Perry further explained the similarities between the two by saying, โ€œThey are both things I experimented with while in college and both resulted in my liver taking a pounding.โ€

A horse walked into a bar. The bartender asked, "Why the long face?"

The horse responded, "I finally realize that my alcoholism is disrupting my life at home and driving my family apart."

Another Soviet Joke

In the late 1980s, Mikhail Gorbachev, tried to curb alcoholism deaths by limiting the times and places vodka was sold, resulting in huge lines.

One man, in line for vodka, says " I can't take this, save my place, I'm going to the Kremlin to assassinate Gorbachev.", and he trudges off into t...

My taste in women is much like my taste in wine

Right now i like them younger, sweeter, and prettier. As i age, i start to like them older, more bitter, and contributing to my alcoholism.

They say alcohol cures everything, but that's a lie...

It still hasn't cured my alcoholism.

Stressed? Anxious? Unhappy?

Ask your doctor if alcoholism is right for you.

Slightly more modern Russian joke

Putin is visiting a big factory for a photo op, and he decides to get the opinions of the common man. He walks up to one of the line workers and says, "My friend, I hear alcoholism is a big problem in Russia. Tell me, do you think you could still do your job if you drank a bottle of vodka in the mor...

What's it called when you mix champagne with orange juice at breakfast?



Timmy came home to his parents one day after school, and goes straight to his mother.
"Mommy, I've got a drinking problem." he says.
Upon hearing this, his mom starts arguing with his dad about how his alcoholism got to Timmy, and the two got in a huge fight. On the verge of tears, his ...

Not in a hurry

- Alcoholism Is A Slow Death!
- And we are not in a hurry!

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