A man is driving down a country road going 45mph, and all the sudden he notices a chicken running next to him.

He couldn't believe his eyes, how could a chicken run so fast?

So he speeds up to 60mph to outrun the chicken, and after a few seconds the chicken has caught up to him! He simply can't believe it, he shakes his head and looks back and suddenly the chicken is gone. But no! He looks ahead an...

What is the best country for retired runners?

Iran

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A woman joins a country club and when she hears the guys talking about their golf round, she says, "I played on my college's golf team. I was pretty good. Mind if I join you next week?" No one wants to say 'yes', but they're on the spot…

Finally, one man says, "Okay, but we start at 6:30 a.m."

He figures the early tee-time will discourage her.

The woman says this may be a problem and asks if she can be up to 15 minutes late.

They roll their eyes, but say, "Okay."

She's there at 6:30 am. sharp and beats al...

In the city, you ignore sirens and listen for gunshots. In the country, you ignore gunshots and listen for sirens.

In Detroit, you ignore both.

So, This is a very famous joke from my country ,I hope to see the response

A conference for who the best actor in the world was held, Actors from all around the world came to take part in the competition.There were many qualifier rounds but then only 5 actors remained in the finals.

The final contest was decided to be a manual cow milking competition. The rules were...

An American and a Russian were talking in a bar The American began to boast about his country, claiming it's the land of the free. "I could walk straight up to the White House and shout "Death to the American President" and nothing happens to me."

Hearing this the Russian smirked

"I too can walk up to the Kremlin and shout " Death to the American President", nothing bad happens to me either"

Which country in the world has most Parks?

Korea

Which country's capital is the fastest growing?

Ireland's. - Every year it's Dublin.

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The king of a country has planted a razor in the queen's vagina in order to find out which guard she is cheating with.

in the evening, while she is sleeping.

Next day comes, and he orders them to get undressed to check on their penises, and sees that each one's was cut except for a single one's. The king yells:

\- Finally, a loyal guard to his king and country! All of you traitors should have followed ...

I know why this entire country has gotten so cold.

It's because Trump stopped blowing hot air that kept all of us warm.

I’m American, and I’m sick of people saying America is “the stupidest country in the world.”

Personally, I think Europe is the stupidest country in the world.

What happens when you play a country song backwards?

You get:
- your wife back
- your house back
- your truck back
- your dog back

A bus filled with politicians is speeding down a country road when it swerves into a field and hits a tree.

The farmer who owns the field and tree comes out to investigate. Then he digs a hole and buries the politicians. A few days later the sheriff drives by and sees the bus. He goes and gets the farmer and asks him where the politicians are. He says he buried them. The sheriff asks if they were all dead...

North Koreans believe they live in the best country in the world because they’re brainwashed by the government and the media.

When every American knows that America is the best country in the world.

After the losing party refuses to accept election results, a country is teetering on the edge of a civil war.

Armed insurgents invade the capitol, threaten violence and are ultimately overpowered. But intelligence shows that they may be planning another attack.

The country’s leaders ask for advice in how to handle the violence.

The winning party yells “Impeach the outgoing president during...

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An Old Jamaican man lived alone in the country ...

He wanted to dig his Yellow Yam and Sweet Potato Garden, but it was very hard work as the ground was hard.

His only son, Vincent, who used to help him, was in prison. The old man wrote a letter to his son and described his predicament:

Dear Vincent, I am feeling pretty badly because it...

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Japan has appointed a 'Minister of Loneliness' after seeing suicide rates in the country increase for the first time in 11 years.

I bet the nominee jumped at the chance.

4 doctors from different countries go out for drink

A British doctor says: "In Britain, medicine is so advanced that we cut off a man's liver, put it in another man, and in 6 weeks, he is looking for a job."


The German doctor says: "That's nothing, in Germany we took part of a brain, put it in another man, and in 4 weeks he is looking for ...

What’s the slipperiest country?

Greece!

A young woman is speeding down a country road going 90MPH and she gets pulled over by a police officer.

"Young lady, I've been waiting for you all day" he says.

She replies, "I know I came as fast as I could officer! "

A salesman was traveling through the country side, flogging insect repellent.

He came to a farmhouse and tried his pitch on the farmer.
“Sir, my bug spray is so good you will never be bitten again. I guarantee it.”
The farmer was dubious.
“Young man, I’ll make you a proposition. I’ll tie you out in my cornfield buck naked, covered with that bug spray.
If there is ...

A census enumerator is working out in the country when he knocks on the door of a farmhouse.

A woman opens the door, and the man explains he’s with the census and she agrees to do the interview. Eventually he gets to the part where he asks if she has children.

“Let’s see,” says the woman, “There’s Timmy and Tammy; they’re 4. There’s Molly and Holly; they’re 8. There’s Terry and Larr...

UK is a very generous country

It is the largest supplier of Independence day to countries around the world.

Hopefully, Biden will never be the leader of my country

Because if he is, something‘s gone wrong with the Canadian legal system

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John visited his 90-year-old grandpa who lived way out in the country.

On the first morning of the visit, John’s grandpa prepared a breakfast of bacon and eggs. John noticed a film-like substance on his plate, and asked, “Are these plates clean?”

His grandpa replied, “They’re as clean as cold water can get them. Just go ahead and finish your meal.”

For lu...

If Biden is elected, I'm leaving the country

If Trump is reelected, I'm leaving the country.

This is not a political post. I just want to travel.

Mr Trump was invited to visit a poor African country.

A soccer match was arranged between two local teams in honour of Trump's visit. During the match, the Prime Minister of the country explained about the poverty his country was facing. Trump listened intently and said

"Mr PM, I've seen enough and I fully understand the extent of the poverty yo...

A Chinese citizen and an American citizen are arguing which country is better

The American citizen states "My country is the greatest country in the world; as an American I can go to Washington D.C., go to the White House, walk into the Oval Office, pound my fist on the desk and say 'Mr. President, I don't like how you are running this country!'"

The Chinese citizen la...

Why do Swedish people love their country?

Because they have Stockholm syndrome

If you would have told me on Nov. 10 2016 that the Trump presidency would end with the economy failing and the country dying..

I would have totally believed you.

A man is driving down a country road

He glances out the window and sees a chicken running along side the car. He does a double take, and notices that not only is the chicken running right along his car, the chicken also has three legs!


Shocked, he looks at his speedometer and sees he's going 35 miles an hour.


He ...

What's the country with the highest incidence of mid-leg infection in the entire world?

Germany

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Several centuries ago, the Pope decreed that all the Jews had to convert to Catholicism or leave Italy. There was a huge outcry from the Jewish community, so the Pope offered a deal. He'd have a religious debate with the leader of the Jewish community...

If the Jews won, they could stay in Italy; if the Pope won, they'd have to convert or leave.

The Jewish people met and picked an aged and wise Rabbi to represent them in the debate.

However, as the Rabbi spoke no Italian, and the Pope spoke no Hebrew, they agreed that it would be a 'si...

People in North Korea are so brainwashed by the government and controlled news thinking their country is great. Outsiders know better.

That is why I am glad to live in the greatest country in the world, America.

Boss said he’d fire me if I made any more country puns

It was the end of my Korea

Why is England the wettest country?

Because so many kings and queens have been reigning there.

Someone told me to go back to my own country

So Iran

I was telling my friend about an officially Jewish country, and she said it was fake.

I said it Israel.

There was a poetry competition final with two contestants, a university student and an old country man.

They each had 20 seconds to come up with a poem about Timbuktu.

The student goes first and says " Across the desert sands, crossed a lonely caravan, men on camels two by two, destination Timbuktu."

The crowd goes wild cheering for the poem.

The old country man then goes, "Tim...

There's a country in Asia that has a new use for dogs...

Pets!

what's the difference between a rapper and a country singer?

Country singers keep their hoes in the shed.

What happens when you play a Country music record in reverse?

Your dog ressurects, your wife goes back home, you get your job back and Donald Trump finally leaves office.

How much TNT does it take to blow up a country?

I don’t know, but the answer would probably blow your mind

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An American spy is in Soviet Russia, digging up information on a powerful Russian politician. He finds him in a bar, walks in dressed in Russian attire, pretending to be Russian. Everybody in the bar looks at him, but he keeps his cool. He orders a drink and walks to the politician...

"Greetings, comrade." says the spy, but before he could finish his sentence, the Russian says, "I think you are American spy."

The spy is alarmed, but being a skilled, trained, spy, he says, "That is not true! I am the proudest Soviet there is! I can sing the anthem more beautifully than any ...

A man dies and goes to hell.

Once there, he finds that there is a different hell for each country, so he tries to seek out the least painful one.


At the door to German Hell, he is told: "First they put you in an electric chair for an hour. Then they lay you on a bed of nails for another hour. Then the German devil ...

A nun was driving down a country backroad when her car ran out of gas.

Having passed a farmhouse a short time earlier, she made the walk back to ask if they could help her with some fuel.

The farmer was very obliging, but could only offer her an old bedpan to use as a container to carry it in.

She made her way back to the car, and was carefully pouring th...

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There was a businessman whose wife was REALLY into sex.

He was a hardworking guy but still managed to satisfy his wife's needs.

One time he had to leave for another country for a business meet. He would've been gone for a week.
He knew his wife's sex drive and didn't want to take risks so he thought he should gift her something so she can sat...

what do you call a country that's ruled by a lion, a witch and a wardrobe?

a banarnia republic

India is a very peaceful country.

Because nobody has any beef over there.

A man was moving to another country and needed to find a new home for his 15 pet monkeys.

He saw a man driving down the road with a big van and so he shouted after him,

"I'll give you €50 to bring these monkeys to the zoo for me"

The man with the van agreed and left with the monkeys in his van.

A couple of hours go by and while he is on his way to the airport, he see...

What do you call a country full of lazy people?

A procrastination

A group of foreign computer peripheral manufacturers, unhappy with tariffs placed on their products by the United States, plans on starting their own country, which will compete with America.

They will call it USB.

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In light of „jewish“ space lasers

1939
A Jewish man was sitting in the New York Metro reading a german newspaper. A friend of his, who happened to be in the same subway , noticed this strange phenomenon.
Very upset, he approached him and said:

'Moshe, have you lost your mind? Why are you reading a nazi newspaper?'...

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A fat women was riding her bike very fast down a hill in the country near my home, I yelled out "COW" the bitch gave me the finger

She ploughed straight into the cow.......tried warning her

A man is walking down a country road, and comes upon a mud puddle that covers the entire lane.

The lane is fenced in and the man must either walk through the puddle or turn back. As the man looks about for something to possibly bridge the puddle, he spies an old farmer on the other side of the fence.

The man hollers to farmer, “Hey farmer, how deep is this here puddle? I’ve a long ways...

Which country has the most bacteria?

Germany

Mark and his wife were driving along a country road.

They weren't speaking to each other due to an earlier argument. As they passed a particularly rural stretch, they spotted a couple of monkeys in the treetops. "Relatives of yours?", asked Mark sarcastically.

"Yes," she replied. "My in-laws."

Today our leaders closed of the southern border preventing people from coming to our country for a better life a better education and much needed health care!

As a Canadian I am outraged!

Country boy is late for school class

and teacher asks him "Why are you late? Where have you been?"

\- "I had to bring cow to be inseminated by a bull."

\- "Couldn't your father do it?"

\- "I guess he could but I though bull would do a better job."

What are the two steps to marrying a country girl?

First; a tractor.


Next; fertilizer.

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A Russian and a Ukrainian go fishing together. They catch a talking goldfish, and she grants them 3 wishes if they let her go

The Russian says: we used my fishing rod, so I get first 2 wishes.
First: I want all the *insert some racial slurs* out of my glorious country.
Second: I want a big wall around Russia, nobody can cross.

Then Ukrainian has a dialogue with the fish
- Is the wall done?
- Yes
- I...

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Ok so this is not a joke for everyone

Once upon a time there was a country that whenever a men grew up ‘til a certain age their dick would be cut, but how would they do it depends on what their job is.

One day the day to cut people’s dick off comes and there is a line of hundreds of men crying.
“What is your job?” “I’m a butc...

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Two Italian men get on a bus

They sit down and engage in an animated conversation.

The lady sitting next to them ignores them at first, but her attention is galvanized when she hears one of them say:

"Emma come first. Den I come. Den two asses come
together. I come once-a-more. Two asses, they come together aga...

An African man visits his friend in the US

“I just flew in yesterday” the African man says “And boy are my arms tired!”

“You know, that’s kind of an old joke here in America” replied his friend.

“Joke?” The African man said. “I’ve been holding my hands in the air yelling ‘don’t shoot’ ever since I got to this damn country”.

Pakistan is such a weird country

It's a Muslim country but their capital is Islamabad?

A fellow was walking along a country road when he came upon a farmer working in his field. The man called out to the farmer "How long will it take me to get to the next town?"

The farmer didn't answer. The guy waited a bit and then started walking again. After the man had gone about a hundred yards, the farmer yelled out "About 20 minutes.”

“Thank you. But why didn't you tell me that when I asked you?"

“Didn't know how fast you could walk".

A Rabbi, a Hindu and a lawyer were driving late at night in the country when their car suddenly breaks-down. They set out to find help, and come to a farmhouse. When they knock on the door, the farmer explains that he has only two beds, and one of the three has to sleep in the barn with the animals.

The three quickly agree. The Rabbi says he would sleep in the barn and let the other two have the beds. Ten minutes after the Rabbi leaves, there's a knock on the bedroom door. It's the Rabbi, exclaiming, "I can’t sleep in the barn; there is a pig in there. It's against my religion to sleep in the s...

Putin lands in a foreign country and approaches the immigration desk

The border official reads through his passport and asks: "Occupation?"

Putin: "No, just visiting."

The protests in Hong Kong have been continuous for 160 days, proving the country does not belong to China.

Because nothing made in China has ever lasted more than a week.

"Yeah. Those animals across our southern border have ruined their own country and our trying to invade and ruin ours. With their rampent guns and drugs... their government has become a shambles of nut job military and rich drug addicts who don't care about anyone!

Eh?"

Due to the results of this election I'm jetting this country and most of my friends and family will never see me again

Sincerely,

Donald Trump

The USA proudly declares they're "exporting democracy" whenever they invade a country

I understand why they have to do it at gunpoint. It's generally tough to sell the junk you have no use for yourself anymore.

As a Canadian, sometimes I worry my country will get taken over by the US

If it did, I'd be in a sorry state.

A guy is driving down an empty country road

A guy is driving down a country road when a vulture swoops unexpectedly in front of him. It hits his windshield, cracking it and making a huge mess. The bird rolls onto the roof and bounces towards the rear of the car, ending up hitting a state trooper’s car that was behind the guy’s car. The troope...

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A guy goes into the US Postal Services to apply for a job.

The interviewer asks him, "Are you allergic to anything?"
He replies, "Yes, caffeine. I can't drink coffee."


"OK, have you ever been in the military service?"
"Yes," he says, "I was in Afghanistan for one tour."
The interviewer says, "that will give you 5 extra points toward empl...

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Only in England.

£800 fine if you are caught at a house party during lock-down.

But reduced to £400 if paid early.

If you catch covid at the party, the government will

give you £500 to stay at home.

That's £100 profit.

This country is absolutely fucked.

We're in Trouble

The population of this country is 327 million.

76 million are retired.

That leaves 251 million to do the work.

There are 48 million people who are permanently disabled.

Which leaves 203 million to do the work

There are 74 million children younger than 6 ...

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A Drive in the Country

A man and a woman meet at a bar and are having a great time. The woman says, "I know a place a few miles outside of the city where we can get loud and crazy.

They get in his car and drive about 10 miles. The woman teases his cock the whole time he is driving. When they arrive the woman says,...

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Indian student in USA(NSFW)

It was the first day of a school in USA and a new Indian student named Chandrasekhar Subramanian entered the fourth grade.

The teacher said: "Let's begin by reviewing some American History.

Who said 'Give me Liberty, or give me Death'?"

She saw a sea of blank faces except for Ch...

A traveling salesman is driving down a country road one day, and spies a farmhouse with a pig sty just off the front porch.

Finding this to be a little odd, he slows down to take a closer look, and sees a single, well cared-for pig in the sty. Odder still, on closer inspection, he sees that the pig has one wooden leg.

Consumed with curiosity, he heads up the driveway to the farmer's home, hops out of his car, and ...

What African country is the most eco-friendly?

A Hint: The one who's always Mad At Gas Cars

If a foreign enemy attacked the United States and killed 180K+ citizens, the whole country, Republicans and Democrats, would most likely join together into defeating it...

Oh wait, never mind.

What do you say to people who threaten to leave the country, if Trump loses?

Good Biden.

What’s a Russian online portal where you can see what shows aren’t available in your country?

Nietflix.

In my country we have a special word for the first day of sunshine that follows two days of rain.

We call it "Monday"

How do you get a country girl’s attention?

A tractor.

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What do you call a country filled with Redditor’s

The US Virgin Islands

The spread of coronavirus within a country depends on two factors:

1) How dense the country’s population is
2) How dense the country’s population is

a Country Boy visited the City and met a girl in a Bar who invited him back to her house,

When they got there, she undressed and told him to get naked too.

She said: "Let's start with a 69"

The Country Boy replied: "What's that?"

With that she got him into position, and they went at it

Within a minute of starting, the City Girl felt a fart coming on

S...

Did anyone hear about that country who started using balloons as currency?

They ended up with a massive inflation problem.

Every other country simply does not understand why the United States keeps making such a big deal about 9/11...

"Never forget", "Fallen Heroes", "forever in our hearts",

Big woop, it means nothing to us.

the 9th of November is just as boring as any other day

A man is driving down a country road...

... and his car suddenly breaks down. He pulls over and starts to look under the hood when he hears a voice from behind.

"Looks like your timing chain broke"

He turns around and is surprised to see a horse standing there and nobody else around.

The man runs away scared and reach...

How many country musicians does it take to change a lightbulb?

Four.

One to actually change the lightbulb and three to sing a song about how good the old one used to be.

Jack emigrates to a strange new country in search of a job.

When he arrives at the terminal, the customs officer gives him one piece of strange advice before he enters the country.

“Whatever you do, don’t step on a duck”

Jack thought this advice was strange, but as he walked out the airport he saw thousands of ducks flood his view, so much so t...

We need good rulers in our country

All the rulers are mismeasuring.

A man and his friends are at the country club when the phone rings...

The man picks up the phone and says "Hi honey, how are you doing"
The woman says "Hello sweetie, I found some new shoes that cost $90, can I buy them?"
The man replies "Sure hon"
The woman then says "Also the new purse I wanted is here and cost $980, can I buy them?"
The man repl...

Kim Jong Un proudly tells his advisors:“North Korea will be the first country to send people to the sun!”

His advisors break out in applause. Meanwhile Donald Trump is watching this live on TV. He calls Kim Jong Un and asks him:

“How are you going to send people to the sun? It’s too hot!”

Kim Jong Un replies by saying to his advisors:

“What an idiot! We can send them at night!”
<...

What country does not accept cash or credit cards?

The Czech Republic

If Russia wants to be the first country to produce a vaccine ...

....Then Soviet

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A German, Japanese and Italian soldier are captured by the British during WW2 and are detained in a POW camp

First they interrogate the German. He gave up the information they needed somewhat easily, just after a few minutes of torture. He returned to the other prisoners feeling ashamed and disheartened.

Next was the Japanese soldier. He was more resilient than the German, it took the Brits several ...

My country is a world leader in counter-intelligence.

Also in counter-science.

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