Arabia Jokes

It must be awesome to be a woman in Saudi Arabia!

A Togolese, Nigerian and a Ghanaian were arrested for drinking alcohol in Saudi Arabia.

The three of them were dragged in front of one of the princes, who said:

“You will get 50 lashes for the consumption of alcohol. However, since you are foreigners and did not know about the prohibit... read more

The Queen doesn't wear a burkha.
The Queen roams freely wherever she wants to.
The Queen is more powerful than the King.
The Queen goes alone to opponent's territory.
Most importantly, there's only one Queen.

He wont be needing it anymore

I won’t beheading there anytime soon.

were all in Saudi Arabia, sharing a smuggled crate of booze when they were arrested by Saudi police. The mere possession of alcohol is a severe offence in Saudi Arabia, so they are all sentenced to death!

However, after many months and with the help of very good lawyers, they were able to app... read more

Because he is Shia.

9/11

.

Paddy is driving his little red car, which has seen better days. John and Scott are drunk in the back.

Suddenly, ahead of them, they see an oil well on fire.
The firefighters are unsuccessfully trying to extinguish the flames.

Paddy drives straight over the well, blocking the oxygen... read more

a new chain of fast food restaurants are opening up which are run solely by women.

It's called Burka King.

The first question they asked was if I knew how to fly a plane.

They bought the founders edition.

...is on the United Nations Human Rights Council.

But Abu Dhabi do.

So they sent their best man on the job. When he came back, they saw that the campaign failed miserably and nobody was buying the product. So the team asked him what happened. He explained:

We made a billboard with three images. On the first one, there is a person that is very unhealthy and a... read more

It's always Sunni!

Trump, "I'm cancelling plans to build a casino in Mecca."

Episode 1, after 10 mins:

"I'll take them all..."

\- End -

will surely beheading out of the World Cup

In Saudi Arabia, "five finger discount" means you got caught shoplifting.

-A big earthquake with the strength of 8.1 on the Richter scale hits the Middle East.
-Two million Muslims die and over a million are injured.
-Iraq, Iran and Syria are totally ruined and the governments don't know where to start with providing help to rebuild.
-The rest of the world ... read more

It’s like beating dark soles

... and the Vatican this week, cradles of USA's 3 great religions:

Christianity, Judaism, and Oil.

So I stumbled into Mecca Donalds and ordered a double aloha snakbar.

As he's walking, a local man on a camel begins to come into view. The tourist turned and could see that a woman was walking behind the local man on the camel. The tourist asked the man:

"Who is that?"

"That is my wife," he replied.

"Wouldn't it be kinder to let her ride the came... read more

Counter Terrorist wins!

It costs an arm and a leg.

The driver has a row of stitches around both his wrists. His mate points at them and says, “I see you won your appeal then...”

driving school

...and once there, they are caught drinking smuggled alcohol. They are arrested, and each sentenced to 100 lashes by the whip as punishment.

Now the officer assigned to do the whipping says "It is my favorite wife's birthday, and she asked that I show a little compassion as I work today. I wi... read more

One of them asks, "What are your current plans?" The prince says, "I'm going to starve to death a few hundred thousand people in Yemen and dismember one journalist." The counselor asks, "Why the journalist?" "See, no one cares about the people in Yemen."

They need to beheading the ball less.

We Will Rock You.

But they'd still like to have a word with it at their embassy.

except women

And they are changing the name of the event to December to Dismember.

“Dubai” he asked?
“Yes” I replied, “And sell”

They literally live under Iraq.

Then I remembered that I found the Riyal joke in the comments

You don't need a computer to play minesweeper in Saudi Arabia.

(I'm not sorry)

Because you know... There are no women's rights there...

As a last present, his parents brought him to Arabia on a trip. While they were walking through a market, little Benny bought a lamp from a vendor.

When he arrived home, he rubbed the lamp to clean it, and, to his surprise, a genie popped out in a flash of light.

"What is it that you ... read more

Haram bae

He's hired OJ to track down the real killers.

First tests in their embassies are promising, but apparently there are still issues with the part that is supposed to make one reappear.

It is ilegal for them to be stoned while driving.

An Englishman, a Scotsman, and a Paddy go to Saudi Arabia. They decide to start drinking and somehow get caught. the go to see the Sultan for their punishment. The Sultan says "You're lucky today. I'm feeling nice today and I will only give you 50 lashes and you can choose to put anything on your ba... read more

It covers everything.

They are all ordered to be whipped and will receive 30 whips each,
they ask the Frenchman what he would like on his back while he is whipped and he replies " A cushion" . After about 15 whips the cushion comes apart and the Frenchman is left screaming with a red back.
Then they as the German ... read more