I accidentally dialed a suicide hotline in Saudi Arabia.

The first question they asked was if I knew how to fly a plane.

An Australian rugby fan, a South African rugby fan and a New Zealand rugby fan are all in Saudi Arabia, sharing a smuggled crate of booze...

...when Saudi police rush in and arrest them.

The mere possession of alcohol is a severe offence in Saudi Arabia, so for consuming the booze they are all sentenced to death. However, after many months and with the help of good lawyers, they are able successfully to appeal their sentences dow...

Whats Saudi Arabia's highest rated sitcom?

How I bought your mother..

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What's the similarity between a woman living in Saudi Arabia and Amsterdam?

They both get stoned after sex.

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Three guys were on a trip to Saudi Arabia.

One day, they stumbled into a harem tent filled with over 100 beautiful women. They started getting friendly with the women, when suddenly the sheik came in.
“I am the master of all these women. No one else can touch them except me. You three men must pay for what you have done today. You will be...

John, Paddy and Scott are on a trip in Saudi Arabia.

Paddy is driving his little red car, which has seen better days. John and Scott are drunk in the back.

Suddenly, ahead of them, they see an oil well on fire.
The firefighters are unsuccessfully trying to extinguish the flames.

Paddy drives straight over the well, blocking the oxygen...

A man from Saudia Arabia got caught stealing a hand sanitizer

He wont be needing it anymore

Why is Saudi Arabia the first to get Ramzan?

They bought the founders edition.

As we landed in Saudi Arabia the pilot announced "Ladies and Gentlemen don't forget to adjust your watches to local time"

I thought to myself how do I turn it back to the 7th century?

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What's the difference between Margot Robbie and Saudi Arabia?

One of them has an arresting gaze..



>!The other IS arresting gays.!<

I live in Saudi Arabia, so I have to translate this joke. I will do my best. Stick with me.

Three women walk into a pub.

A marketing team had to make a Coca-Cola ad for Arabia

So they sent their best man on the job. When he came back, they saw that the campaign failed miserably and nobody was buying the product. So the team asked him what happened. He explained:

We made a billboard with three images. On the first one, there is a person that is very unhealthy and a...

The reason Saudi Arabia has so much money, is not because of the oil...

It's because they wouldn't let their women spend it.

Why was the TV show "The Bachelor" a failure in Saudi Arabia?

Episode 1, after 10 mins:

"I'll take them all..."

\- End -

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3 men are caught smuggling alcohol into Saudi Arabia

As it's a "dry" country, the men are brought before a judge.

Judge: "Under normal circumstances, the penalty for smuggling is death. However, it's a national holiday and I'm feeling generous, so you'll each receive 20 lashings."

As he says this, his wife approaches the judge and whispe...

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Ryan Gosling went to live in Saudi Arabia for a year.

He and a local Saudi girl fell in love.

The girl would secretly sneak out of her house in the middle of the night without a male companion to hangout with Ryan. They would go to Ryan's place and make love for the whole night. Ryan would drop her back before the dawn. She would quietly sneak i...

A conjurer was caught stealing in Saudi Arabia.

It's ok, he can still do amazing feets of magic.

I have an exam tomorrow for my “Women in Saudi Arabia” class, and I’m sure I am going to fail.

It covers everything.

Saudi Arabia banned chess, calling it a dangerous game

The Queen doesn't wear a burkha.
The Queen roams freely wherever she wants to.
The Queen is more powerful than the King.
The Queen goes alone to opponent's territory.
Most importantly, there's only one Queen.

People in Saudi Arabia don't like the Flintstones

But people in Abu Dhabi do

Africans arrested in Saudi Arabia

A Togolese, Nigerian and a Ghanaian were arrested for drinking alcohol in Saudi Arabia.

The three of them were dragged in front of one of the princes, who said:

“You will get 50 lashes for the consumption of alcohol. However, since you are foreigners and did not know about the prohibit...

Let me tell you about the time I smoked weed in Saudi Arabia...

I got stoned to death.

Due to the recent relaxation of laws in Saudi Arabia,

a new chain of fast food restaurants are opening up which are run solely by women.

It's called Burka King.

Given the current climate, Saudi Arabia is a dangerous place to visit.

I won’t beheading there anytime soon.

How would you rate USA and Saudi Arabia's relationship?

9/11

Why is the weather so nice in Saudi Arabia?

It's always Sunni!

A man is walking in the desert in Saudi Arabia.

As he's walking, a local man on a camel begins to come into view. The tourist turned and could see that a woman was walking behind the local man on the camel. The tourist asked the man:

"Who is that?"

"That is my wife," he replied.

"Wouldn't it be kinder to let her ride the came...

An American, a Frenchman, and a Canadian go on vacation to Saudi Arabia

...and once there, they are caught drinking smuggled alcohol. They are arrested, and each sentenced to 100 lashes by the whip as punishment.

Now the officer assigned to do the whipping says "It is my favorite wife's birthday, and she asked that I show a little compassion as I work today. I wi...

Women are allowed to drive in Saudi Arabia now, however they can only turn left ...

Because you know... There are no women's rights there...

The crown prince of Saudi Arabia is talking with his counselors.

One of them asks, "What are your current plans?" The prince says, "I'm going to starve to death a few hundred thousand people in Yemen and dismember one journalist." The counselor asks, "Why the journalist?" "See, no one cares about the people in Yemen."

Public punishments in Saudi Arabia are really hard

It’s like beating dark soles

I told my mate I was going to open a shop in Saudi Arabia.

“Dubai” he asked?
“Yes” I replied, “And sell”

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Three guys travel to Saudi Arabia and got lost. They walk into a tent that they think was the one they rented but actually belongs to a prince with 3 hot wives.

The prince comes home and thinks his wives are cheating on him. As a punishment, he tells them that their penises will have to be cut off in some way relating to their occupation.
He asks the first guy what his job was.
"I'm an employee at the shooting range," he replies.
"Then we'...

Trump Threatens Saudia Arabia With Consequences

Trump, "I'm cancelling plans to build a casino in Mecca."

what do you call a boys school in saudi arabia?

driving school

Saudi Arabia is not good at covering things like the Khashoggi killing

except women

With women being able to drive in Saudi Arabia, they will open a woman-only taxi service.

It'll be called NiCab.

Three men are walking through Saudi Arabia

They however get falsely accused for drinking and are taken to the judge who sentences them all to 50 lashes each.
The men beg and plead for mercy and fight for their innocence.
The judge takes pity and says, "I will let all of you have one wish before receiving the lashes".
The first man a...

Saudi-Arabia has developed teleportation technology in order to sustain their economy when oil is depleted.

First tests in their embassies are promising, but apparently there are still issues with the part that is supposed to make one reappear.

What’s the most popular breakfast cereal in Saudi Arabia?

Fruties Pebbled

What was the anthem of Saudi Arabia's first LGBT pride parade?

We Will Rock You.

Crown Prince of Saudi Arabia Wants to Get to the Truth of the Khashoggi Murder

He's hired OJ to track down the real killers.

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Three Americans visit saudi Arabia

They're having a good time and decide to travel through the desert, on the third day they come across a tent in the middle of nowhere with a DO NOT ENTER sign in many languages, of course they ignore it.
In the tent are over 100 naked beautiful women, they have a good time, is much sexiness. ...

Saudi Arabia heard that Trump was going to pardon a turkey

But they'd still like to have a word with it at their embassy.

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3 men in Saudi Arabia

3 men go on a visit to Saudi Arabia. On one of their tours, they came across a tent. Out of curiosity, they walked inside, to be greeted by 50 young women, who were all highly attractive. These men decide to stay there for a while... and 'have some fun'. After a while, the owner of the tent enters, ...

I've just came back from Saudi Arabia...

There are many streets and districts with the word "al" in it, such as "Al-Hamra" or "Al-Jazirah".

But never was I able to find any place with "Al-Cohol"...

Two blokes are out driving in Saudi Arabia.

The driver has a row of stitches around both his wrists. His mate points at them and says, “I see you won your appeal then...”

If Saudi Arabia want to win their next game,

They need to beheading the ball less.

It's No Surprise That Saudi Arabia Is The Way It Is...

They literally live under Iraq.

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Look at the situation in Saudi Arabia

- Royal princes are getting killed

- they fuck their cousins

- they go to war with neighboring countries

- they have stupid rulers

It’s like Game of thrones - Middle East version

I was in Saudi Arabia the other day and I asked somebody if they had any spare change.

They said," Yemen."

Free speech in Saudia Arabia isn't really free

It costs an arm and a leg.

WWE is postponing their upcoming event in Saudi Arabia until December.

And they are changing the name of the event to December to Dismember.

Did you see the winner of the Ms Saudi Arabia beauty contest?

Neither did I.

It seems Like Saudi Arabia

will surely beheading out of the World Cup

Saudi Arabia...

...is on the United Nations Human Rights Council.

Russia won against Saudi Arabia...

Counter Terrorist wins!

It is a great thing that women can now drive in Saudi Arabia!

It is ilegal for them to be stoned while driving.

Trump's in Saudi Arabia, Israel...

... and the Vatican this week, cradles of USA's 3 great religions:

Christianity, Judaism, and Oil.

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Why don't they have driving classes and sex Ed on the same day in Saudi Arabia?

Because the camels can't handle it

What do you call an attractive primate corpse in Saudi Arabia?

Haram bae

Mitt Romney and the King of Saudi-Arabia are having a dinner party...

...the mood of the night is very good and after they spent a while talking about what new amazing things they have bought for themselves and the amount of money they managed to acquire in the past year, as well as all sorts of political matters they come to some lighter topics.
So the King says t...

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Saudi Arabia just invested $1 billion in Virgin Galactic...

...1 down, only 71 to go!

Who is the most hated actor in Saudi Arabia?

Shia Labeouf

A Frenchman, A German and An Englishman are caught smuggling booze in Saudi Arabia!

They are all ordered to be whipped and will receive 30 whips each,
they ask the Frenchman what he would like on his back while he is whipped and he replies " A cushion" . After about 15 whips the cushion comes apart and the Frenchman is left screaming with a red back.
Then they as the German ...

So I hear there is going to be a sequel to Lawrence of Arabia

It's going to be called Lawrence of Two Rabias.

An Englishman, a Scotsman, and a Paddy go to Saudi Arabia

An Englishman, a Scotsman, and a Paddy go to Saudi Arabia. They decide to start drinking and somehow get caught. the go to see the Sultan for their punishment. The Sultan says "You're lucky today. I'm feeling nice today and I will only give you 50 lashes and you can choose to put anything on your ba...

What's the difference between America and Saudi Arabia?

You don't need a computer to play minesweeper in Saudi Arabia.

(I'm not sorry)

To commemorate the disaster in Mecca where a crane fell and crushed pilgrims, Saudi Arabia will build a restaurant at the site.

An IHOP: International House of Pancakes.

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Saudi Arabia now supports euthanasia

Just proclaim you are homosexual

I'm thinking of visiting Saudi Arabia based on the upcoming week's forecast

It's mostly Sunni

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An Australian, an American and a New Zealander are enjoying some beer in Saudi Arabia.

...even though it is against the law to drink alcohol there. They are captured by the Sheik and are sentenced to death, until his wife runs up to him and whispers something in his ear. She glances to the New Zealander, and whispers some more.

The sheik steps forward and announces: "Because it...

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