UPJOKE
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What is the medication that is most hated by religious people?

The Ibuprofane

It was smart to use Khloe Kardashian in those ads for migraine medication.

I know that not all people that have migraines watch the Kardashians, but everyone who watches the Kardashians has migraines.

What do you call stolen digestive medication?

Klepto-Bismol

My doctor warned me one of the side effects of my new medication was an increased urge to gamble

I told her I’d bet $50 that wouldn’t happen to me.

What medication does Putin take for his depression?

USSRIs

Pig medication

What do pigs apply for dry skin? Oinkment.

if you think about it, the absolute best name for an anti-diarrhea medication has already been taken.

Gonorrhea

Doctor - I finally figured out why your pain isn't going away. Even though these medications are called analgesics

They are supposed to be inserted in your mouth.

Oh no, I accidentally took my cat's medication from the vets .

Don't ask meow...

Whoever Stole My Anti-Depression Medications

I Hope You're Happy!

Elon Musk and Bill Gates have decided to partner in a joint venture to invent a medication to overcome erectile dysfunction.

They have decided to name the new drug 'Elongates'.

My Mexican uncle takes anti-anxiety medication

It's for Hispanic attacks

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I blended a little Viagra and some penis enlargement medication into my eyedrops.

It made me take a long, hard look at myself.

I’ve just got my latest batch of hemorrhoids medication but I had to call the doctor when I got a bad reaction. He asked ‘where did you apply it?...

On the bus I said.

I'm on medication for my Pokemon Go addiction.

Gotacachemol.

Why does Donald Trump take anxiety medication?

For Hispanic attacks

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

At first I was mad when my doctor prescribed me medication that would lower my sex drive, but now ..

No hard feelings.

What happens when you leave your ADHD medication in your Ford Fiesta?

It turns into a Ford Focus.

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My new medication is crap

The prescription text reads "take a teaspoon twice a day". So I did for a week.

I'm out of teaspoons now and I have a tummy ache.

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Three retired old men are sitting down for lunch and comparing their lives

The first old man says that every morning he's awake at 5 am and has to stand in front of the toilet for an hour just to urinate.

The second old man says that's nothing compared to how constipated his medication makes him. And he has to sit on the toilet for at least an hour every morning. <...

You can actually file a lawsuit against the federal government in the United States. It's a myth that you can't. All you have to do is simply take some specific medication.

And that medication, my friends, is Sudafed®

Apparently 25% of women are on some form of medication for mental illness. 25%! That's horrifying.

It means 75% of them are running around untreated!

My roommate cannot remember if he took his anti anxiety medication or not.

I said, “Are you worried about it?”

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Medical joke...

I work in medicine and I've been getting a lot of emails and messages about counterfeit drugs coming into America. Apparently some medications are being sold in America that were made in backwoods factories and third world countries. The latest message I got from the FDA was to be on the lookout f...

Did you hear the one about the guy whose doctor prescribed him faulty ED medication?

He had thrust issues.

Ive been very depressed because of lack of sleep so i asked the doctor about the positives and the negatives of sleeping medication. He said that they can be a great tool for sleeping but if you take too much you'll die.

I said okay. Now what are the negatives?

Old lady gets pulled over by a cop for driving slowly

While thinking she's on perscription medication and needing to do a field sobriety test, he asks to have her get out of the car, and almost jokingly asks if there are any weapons in her vehicle. She tells him "Sure, Sonny, as a matter of fact, I do. I have a Kimber 1911 in the center console, a Gloc...

Dark humor xD

A husband got called into a hospital. His wife's just had a really bad car accident... He's pacing nervously in waiting hall expecting the doctor to come out of the OR. Finally the doctor comes out.

- 'How is she, doctor?'
- 'Well, she's alive... and that's good news. But there is some bad...

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what do the fact of my existence and a medication pill have in common?

both are bitter as fuck and you can't swallow them without drinking

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Guy has a massive headache and its not responsive to any medication.

After doctors researching whats wrong with him for months they finally cone to conclusion. They called the guy and deliver the news. Doctor says;

-Its good news, found the problem.

-What is it doc?

-We need to remove your penis.

Guy looks sad. But after some consideration...

My wife and I spend so much money on arthritis medication and weed that we made a whole new bank account just for those two things!

It's a joint account

The pharmacist said they only have the generic version of my laxative medication.

I said "I guess I'll have to make doo with that".

I want to write a memoir about how my medication makes me thirsty all the time. Thinking about calling it “My Life as a Desiccant”.

Don’t think I will, though; I’m worried that readers might think it’s too dry.

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A man goes to the doctor to ask about options for penis enlargement.

He says, "doc, it's tiny. My pinky finger has more girth. I'm afraid my wife is going to leave me if I don't do something about it."

The doctor replies, "well, if you're really that small, I don't think medication is an option. However, there is an experimental surgery I've been developing, w...

Statistics say that 60% of women take medication for mental illness,

Which means 40% aren't taking their medication.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Doctor: "Sir, I have some terrible news for you..."

Doctor (cont.): " Your wife has been in a terrible car accident. We had to amputate two of her limbs. She has a tracheotomy. She will not be able to talk.. You will have to care for her, help her get to the bathroom, bathe her, get her medications. She will need full time care."

Man: "OH do...

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