UPJOKE
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I accidentally took my cat's medication...

Don't ask meow.

Statistics say that 60% of women take medication for mental illness,

Which means 40% aren't taking their medication.

What happens when you leave your ADHD medication in your Ford Fiesta?

It turns into a Ford Focus.

My roommate just told me, “I can’t remember whether I took my anti anxiety medication or not.”

I said, “Are you worried about it?”

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My doctor prescribed me a new medication.

It’s called Fukitol. Unfortunately, the pharmacy had none left to give.

My Mexican uncle takes anti-anxiety medication

It's for Hispanic attacks

Pig medication

What do pigs apply for dry skin? Oinkment.

What do you call stolen digestive medication?

Klepto-Bismol

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I blended a little Viagra and some penis enlargement medication into my eyedrops.

It made me take a long, hard look at myself.

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Getting older is rough. This month I only had enough money to get either my Viagra or my Alzheimers medication.

I can't recall which one I chose...

Elon Musk and Bill Gates have decided to partner in a joint venture to invent a medication to overcome erectile dysfunction.

They have decided to name the new drug 'Elongates'.

She hurried to the pharmacy to get medication,

got back to her car and found that she had locked her keys inside. The woman found an old rusty coat hanger on the ground. She looked at it and said, "I don't know how to use this."

She bowed her head and asked God to send her some help. Within 5 minutes a beat-up old motorcycle pulled up, ...

My best friend is strongly against medication.

He's never around when I'm on my anti-psychotic medication.

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My new medication is crap

The prescription text reads "take a teaspoon twice a day". So I did for a week.

I'm out of teaspoons now and I have a tummy ache.

Whoever took my anxiety medication

I'm worried about you

I'm on medication for my Pokemon Go addiction.

Gotacachemol.

What medication does Putin take for his depression?

USSRIs

To whoever stole my depression medication.

I hope you're happy.

25% of the women in this country are on medication for mental illness. That's scary...

It means 75% are running around untreated.

I got my medications mixed up.

I confused my anti-depressant medication with my erectile dysfunction medication. Life just keeps getting harder.

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Medical joke...

I work in medicine and I've been getting a lot of emails and messages about counterfeit drugs coming into America. Apparently some medications are being sold in America that were made in backwoods factories and third world countries. The latest message I got from the FDA was to be on the lookout f...

The Chinese medic , opens a private clinic.

At the front dor , there was a huge banner saying : " The treatment costs $20 , if you don't get cured , we will give you $100 back"

A lawyer walking by saw the sign and thought it's a good opportunity for him to make an easy $100 , so he walks into the clinic .

- I have lost my tas...

if you think about it, the absolute best name for an anti-diarrhea medication has already been taken.

Gonorrhea

My doctor warned me one of the side effects of my new medication was an increased urge to gamble

I told her I’d bet $50 that wouldn’t happen to me.

They said that schizophrenia is an illness and I should take medication.

But look who’s over here not lonely during the quarantine!

Medication

A distraught senior citizen phoned her doctor's office. "Is it true," she wanted to know, "that the medication you prescribed To me has to be taken for the rest of my life?"
"Yes, I'm afraid so," the doctor told her.

There was a moment of silence before the senior lady replied, "I'm wond...

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Guy has a massive headache and its not responsive to any medication.

After doctors researching whats wrong with him for months they finally cone to conclusion. They called the guy and deliver the news. Doctor says;

-Its good news, found the problem.

-What is it doc?

-We need to remove your penis.

Guy looks sad. But after some consideration...

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At first I was mad when my doctor prescribed me medication that would lower my sex drive, but now ..

No hard feelings.

Why didn't the dough boy take his medication?

His pills were buried.

What medication does a snake take before giving a presentation?

An antihissstamine.

Which medication kites behind your boat?

Parasailtamol

The pharmacist said they only have the generic version of my laxative medication.

I said "I guess I'll have to make doo with that".

I accidentally dropped my girlfriends epilepsy medication in the washing machine...

...now her clothes don't fit anymore

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You guys hear about the medication for premature ejaculation?

You can get it with expedited shipping so it should come quickly...

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what do the fact of my existence and a medication pill have in common?

both are bitter as fuck and you can't swallow them without drinking

My mom was watching TV when an Ad for an Alzheimer's medication cam on...

She says to me "Grab a pencil and paper and write down this medication in case i get Alzheimer's so you know what med to give me." I said "Mom don't be silly. You have already written it down five times"

Just got a new medication for my narcolepsy.

I'll let you know how well it

If Microsoft Made Medication...

10. Anyone who took them would be more vulnerable to catching viruses.
9. The drugs would cause you to collapse into unconsciousness at random times. This would be known as a "system crash."
8. It would be hard to tell if you were taking the right drug, because Microsoft would make all its med...

My medication says to store it in a cool, dark place.

So I keep it in a jazz club in Harlem.

Me: I'm here for medication to help with my fear of the spice girls

Doctor: we have 3 types so tell me what you want

Me[screams]

My mother's sister is on heavy duty medication for schizophrenia.

I call her Aunty Psychotic.

Why is the magnet on medication?

Because it's bipolar

I got my sleeping pills mixed up with my cats medication the other day...

Just don't ask me-ow

I’ve just got my latest batch of hemorrhoids medication but I had to call the doctor when I got a bad reaction. He asked ‘where did you apply it?...

On the bus I said.

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Ever had to force your dog into taking their medication?

It's the worst, right? You try to cover it with peanut butter, even then they know you're up to something. So it gets kinda physical, have to get in there with both hands and hold them open and push it in with your finger, hoping they don't bite you. Turns into a wrestling match, sometimes. But as i...

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