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I accidentally took my cat's medication...

Don't ask meow.

Why did the Mexican take anxiety medication?

For Hispanic attacks.

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Getting older is rough. This month I only had enough money to get either my Viagra or my Alzheimers medication.

I can't recall which one I chose...

What is the medication that is most hated by religious people?

The Ibuprofane

My doctor warned me one of the side effects of my new medication was an increased urge to gamble

I told her I’d bet $50 that wouldn’t happen to me.

What do you call stolen digestive medication?

Klepto-Bismol

Elon Musk and Bill Gates have decided to partner in a joint venture to invent a medication to overcome erectile dysfunction.

They have decided to name the new drug 'Elongates'.

A man goes to the psychiatrist to get some medication

He asks “Will I be able to play piano after taking these?”

The psychiatrist says “Yes, of course.”

The man replies “Great. I couldn’t before.”

It was smart to use Khloe Kardashian in those ads for migraine medication.

I know that not all people that have migraines watch the Kardashians, but everyone who watches the Kardashians has migraines.

I got my medications mixed up.

I confused my anti-depressant medication with my erectile dysfunction medication. Life just keeps getting harder.

if you think about it, the absolute best name for an anti-diarrhea medication has already been taken.

Gonorrhea

A nurse went to the hospital for her first day on the job

Due to a miscommunication she did not know the name of the ward she had been assigned. Instead she was told to take medicine to the ward since the supervisor was running late

Upon reaching the spot, she saw there were only 3 men in the hospital beds. Starting her shift, she began to hand out ...

Pig medication

What do pigs apply for dry skin? Oinkment.

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I blended a little Viagra and some penis enlargement medication into my eyedrops.

It made me take a long, hard look at myself.

What medication does Putin take for his depression?

USSRIs

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The patient goes to see a doctor: “I am pooping like noodles!”

“Like literally, my poop is shaped like noodles,” the patient says as he sits down in the consulting room.

Doc is dumbfounded. In all his years of training and practice, he hasn’t encountered a symptom like this. He thinks hard and prescribes some antibiotics, hoping they will solve the probl...

To whoever stole my depression medication.

I hope you're happy.

What happens when you leave your ADHD medication in your Ford Fiesta?

It turns into a Ford Focus.

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At first I was mad when my doctor prescribed me medication that would lower my sex drive, but now ..

No hard feelings.

You can actually file a lawsuit against the federal government in the United States. It's a myth that you can't. All you have to do is simply take some specific medication.

And that medication, my friends, is Sudafed®

I’ve just got my latest batch of hemorrhoids medication but I had to call the doctor when I got a bad reaction. He asked ‘where did you apply it?...

On the bus I said.

Doctor - I finally figured out why your pain isn't going away. Even though these medications are called analgesics

They are supposed to be inserted in your mouth.

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My new medication is crap

The prescription text reads "take a teaspoon twice a day". So I did for a week.

I'm out of teaspoons now and I have a tummy ache.

I'm on medication for my Pokemon Go addiction.

Gotacachemol.

Professional Help

A woman hurried to a pharmacy to pick up the medication. When she got back to the car, she found her keys locked inside.

The woman found an old rusty coat hanger on the ground. She looked at it and said, "I don't know how to use this."

She bowed her head and asked God to send her some...

My wife and I spend so much money on arthritis medication and weed that we made a whole new bank account just for those two things!

It's a joint account

My roommate cannot remember if he took his anti anxiety medication or not.

I said, “Are you worried about it?”

Ive been very depressed because of lack of sleep so i asked the doctor about the positives and the negatives of sleeping medication. He said that they can be a great tool for sleeping but if you take too much you'll die.

I said okay. Now what are the negatives?

Did you hear the one about the guy whose doctor prescribed him faulty ED medication?

He had thrust issues.

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what do the fact of my existence and a medication pill have in common?

both are bitter as fuck and you can't swallow them without drinking

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Guy has a massive headache and its not responsive to any medication.

After doctors researching whats wrong with him for months they finally cone to conclusion. They called the guy and deliver the news. Doctor says;

-Its good news, found the problem.

-What is it doc?

-We need to remove your penis.

Guy looks sad. But after some consideration...

Statistics say that 60% of women take medication for mental illness,

Which means 40% aren't taking their medication.

The pharmacist said they only have the generic version of my laxative medication.

I said "I guess I'll have to make doo with that".

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Medical joke...

I work in medicine and I've been getting a lot of emails and messages about counterfeit drugs coming into America. Apparently some medications are being sold in America that were made in backwoods factories and third world countries. The latest message I got from the FDA was to be on the lookout f...

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New nurse at an elderly care centre: "Hey, I was checking though Bills medication list and got curious, why would a 90 year old man need viagra while staying here alone?"

Nurse 2: "It stops him rolling out of bed."

25% of all adult women are currently on medication for mental illness which is quite scary....

Because that means 75% are running around untreated.

I want to write a memoir about how my medication makes me thirsty all the time. Thinking about calling it “My Life as a Desiccant”.

Don’t think I will, though; I’m worried that readers might think it’s too dry.

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To Whom It May Concern

Mr. Jones, a 60-year old man has a heart attack while making love to his wife. Panicked, she calls 911. Paramedics arrive and take Mr. Jones to a hospital, where Dr. Goldman performs an emergency procedure to unblock Mr. Jones’ arteries.

Mr. Jones returns home from the hospital and, after a f...

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