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Chemicals Jokes

What's the difference between Tide Pods and McDonald's?

One is full of dangerous chemicals that people keep eating for some reason, and the other gets your clothes clean.

Paddy goes for a job at a chemical factory.

Factory Manager: "Have you worked with chemicals before?"

Paddy: "Yes!"

Factory Manager: "Can you tell me what nitrate is?"

Paddy: "I'm hoping it is going to be Time and Half."

*Farmer's market* Wife: I'm buying these vegetables for my husband. Have you sprayed these with any poisonous chemicals?

Farmer: No madam, you'll have to do that yourself.

I took a class recently on the history of food preservation.

In the early days, metal containers were the cheapest and easiest to make, so almost all food was stored in cans. Tin was a particularly soft and easy to mold/shape, and didn’t rust like other options, so most preserved food cans were made of tin.

Things went great for a while, with some food...

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Girls use chemicals to remove polish and, no one bats an eye

Hitler uses chemicals to remove Polish, and everyone loses their mind

Edit: NSFW was requested

Edit: yes, this is a repost. Sharing the laughs.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

When a women removes polish with chemicals,no one bats an eye.

But when Hitler removes the Polish with chemicals, everyone loses their shit.

The schnauzer

A lady was showing her dog at all of the local shows but despite having a tremendous dog, she never placed higher than third. She cornered one of the judges after one show and asked why her dog never won.

"Well, the problem is that your dog has too much hair between its toes and we have to de...

Hey mate do you know what are the chemicals symbols for sodium, bromine and oxygen?

Na BrO !

A colleague of mine fell into a vat of chemicals.

Ironically, his quick reaction killed him.

Where do chemicals come from?

The chemistree.




yeah i wanna die

In mother amarica you remove the polish with chemicals.

In fatherland germany we remove the Polish with chemicals.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I was talking to my therapist about my irrational fear of few chemicals.

Me: So, I'm afraid of hydroxyl groups.

Therapist: Oh.

Me: aaahhh...

My wife asked me to buy organic vegetables from the market, so I went and looked around and couldn’t find any. I grabbed an old, tired looking employee and asked, “These vegetables are for my wife. Have they been sprayed with any poisonous chemicals?”

The produce guy looked at me and said, “No. You’ll have to do that yourself.”

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Guy goes to Doc because his dick is orange.

A guy goes to the doctor because his dick is orange;

Doctor looks at it and say, “yep, it’s orange alright”

Guy says, “why is it orange doc? What could it be?”

Doc thinks for a minute… then asks the guy, “do you work around dyes or paints or anything like that?”

Guy says,...

What chemicals are best for keeping men away?

Deter-gents.

Are you at all concerned that the heights of vegetables are rapidly increasing due to the amount of chemicals used on them?

No, I don't carrot tall.

Larry, the Chemical Engineer

Larry was a chemical engineer who worked for DuPont Chemicals and who was brilliant at his job. He’d been the main guy responsible for developing Kevlar and a host of other really great plastics and polymers.

However, it had been quite a while between new developments and so the VP of Researc...

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On the sixth day

**ON THE SIXTH DAY... **

**God Creating Spiders**

God: Make it have 8 legs

Angel: Seems excessive but OK

God: And 8 eyes

Angel: You need to calm down a li-

God: Give it a bum rope

**God Creating Kittens**

God: make them fluffy & adorable li...

You know, the people saying that GMO's contain "chemicals" aren't wrong.

You just probably shouldn't tell them the entire Earth is made of the stuff.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A pathologist is teaching her class how to do autopsies

The students are taken to the morgue and once in there they are shown the corpse of a dead man. The cadaver is bloated and old, several traumatic wounds are visible, its skin is pale and dried and the faint smell of chemicals and rot emanates from him. "To become a good pathologist you need to lear...

A fire breaks out at a large chemical plant.....

...and is blazing violently out of control. Engine companies from all over the city keep rolling in to fight the fire, but it keeps growing worse and worse. Storage tanks are exploding and warehouses full of toxic chemicals are burning so hot the firemen keep getting pushed further and further back....

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Tommy was 4 when his little brother was born. Tommy was pissed.

His life was suddenly turned upside down. Everyone was too busy doting on little Timmy to notice him anymore, everyone was like "Timmy this, Timmy that, Timmy's the best kid ever". Even his parents seemed to have forgotten about him. Tommy began to go deep into depression, but nobody seemed to care,...

The nun's old outfit

A nun noticed that the outfit she had worn for twenty years was faded, so she got some plants and chemicals and tried to change the color, but no matter how many times she tried, the color stayed the same.

Old habits dye hard.

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