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Chemicals Jokes

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Girls use chemicals to remove polish and, no one bats an eye

Hitler uses chemicals to remove Polish, and everyone loses their mind

Edit: NSFW was requested

Edit: yes, this is a repost. Sharing the laughs.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Girls use chemicals to remove polish and no one bats an eye

But when hitler does it everyone loses their mind

I like my chemicals like I like my thoughts.

Compounding.

A colleague of mine fell into a vat of chemicals.

Ironically, his quick reaction killed him.

Where do chemicals come from?

The chemistree.




yeah i wanna die

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Guy goes to Doc because his dick is orange.

A guy goes to the doctor because his dick is orange;

Doctor looks at it and say, “yep, it’s orange alright”

Guy says, “why is it orange doc? What could it be?”

Doc thinks for a minute… then asks the guy, “do you work around dyes or paints or anything like that?”

Guy says,...

Paddy goes for a job at a chemical factory.

Factory Manager: "Have you worked with chemicals before?"

Paddy: "Yes!"

Factory Manager: "Can you tell me what nitrate is?"

Paddy: "I'm hoping it is going to be Time and Half."

*Farmer's market* Wife: I'm buying these vegetables for my husband. Have you sprayed these with any poisonous chemicals?

Farmer: No madam, you'll have to do that yourself.

What chemicals are best for keeping men away?

Deter-gents.

In mother amarica you remove the polish with chemicals.

In fatherland germany we remove the Polish with chemicals.

Hey mate do you know what are the chemicals symbols for sodium, bromine and oxygen?

Na BrO !

Larry, the Chemical Engineer

Larry was a chemical engineer who worked for DuPont Chemicals and who was brilliant at his job. He’d been the main guy responsible for developing Kevlar and a host of other really great plastics and polymers.

However, it had been quite a while between new developments and so the VP of Researc...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A girl uses chemicals to remove the polish, and it's fine.

I use chemicals to remove the Polish, and I'm suddenly a nazi?

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I was talking to my therapist about my irrational fear of few chemicals.

Me: So, I'm afraid of hydroxyl groups.

Therapist: Oh.

Me: aaahhh...

You know, the people saying that GMO's contain "chemicals" aren't wrong.

You just probably shouldn't tell them the entire Earth is made of the stuff.

I took a class recently on the history of food preservation.

In the early days, metal containers were the cheapest and easiest to make, so almost all food was stored in cans. Tin was a particularly soft and easy to mold/shape, and didn’t rust like other options, so most preserved food cans were made of tin.

Things went great for a while, with some food...

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On the sixth day

**ON THE SIXTH DAY... **

**God Creating Spiders**

God: Make it have 8 legs

Angel: Seems excessive but OK

God: And 8 eyes

Angel: You need to calm down a li-

God: Give it a bum rope

**God Creating Kittens**

God: make them fluffy & adorable li...

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bright orange penis

A man goes to the doctor and tells him that he has a bright orange penis. The doctor takes a look and sure enough, the man's penis is bright orange.

The doctor asks the man about his daily habits to see if he could get a clue about the cause of the malady.

The man says "My day is pret...

What's the difference between Tide Pods and McDonald's?

One is full of dangerous chemicals that people keep eating for some reason, and the other gets your clothes clean.

Are you at all concerned that the heights of vegetables are rapidly increasing due to the amount of chemicals used on them?

No, I don't carrot tall.

Oxygen and potassium went on a date...

...it went ok.

Oxygen and magnesium went on a date.

The other chemicals were like 'omg'!

Two noble gases went on a date.

There was no reaction.

Two protons went on a date.

There was no attraction.

Hydrogen and chlorine went on a date.

They felt...

A fire breaks out at a large chemical plant.....

...and is blazing violently out of control. Engine companies from all over the city keep rolling in to fight the fire, but it keeps growing worse and worse. Storage tanks are exploding and warehouses full of toxic chemicals are burning so hot the firemen keep getting pushed further and further back....

My wife asked me to buy organic vegetables from the market, so I went and looked around and couldn’t find any. I grabbed an old, tired looking employee and asked, “These vegetables are for my wife. Have they been sprayed with any poisonous chemicals?”

The produce guy looked at me and said, “No. You’ll have to do that yourself.”

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Why is capitalization important?

because using chemicals to remove polish is just an annoying thing people have to do with their nails but using chemicals to remove Polish is one of hitler's war crimes.

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Nobody panics when things go "according to plan".....

If women remove polish with chemicals, nobody panics, because it is all "part of the plan",





But when Hitler removed Polish with chemicals, well then EVERYBODY LOSES THEIR MIND!!!

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A pathologist is teaching her class how to do autopsies

The students are taken to the morgue and once in there they are shown the corpse of a dead man. The cadaver is bloated and old, several traumatic wounds are visible, its skin is pale and dried and the faint smell of chemicals and rot emanates from him. "To become a good pathologist you need to lear...

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