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Materials Jokes

A guy tried to tell me about a tool that makes holes in hard materials, but I stopped him.

I know the drill.

Apparently they couldn’t prove the construction company used poor quality materials when building the bridge that fell down.

They had no concrete evidence.

What materials do fruits use for walkways?

Pomegranate

My new venture in Russia for renting heavy machinery used to lift materials was not very successful.

U-Crane

What videogame do radioactive materials play?

Half-Life!

A doctor was addressing a large audience in Oxford "The materials we put into our stomach should have killed most of us sitting here, years ago.

. Red meat is full of steroids and dye. Soft drinks corrode your stomach lining. Chinese food is loaded with MSG. High transfat diets can be disastrous and none of us realizes the long-term harm caused by the germs in our drinking water. But... There is one thing that is the more dangerous to all us...

Three contractors are bidding to fix a broken fence at the White House. One is from Chicago , another is from Tennessee , and the third is from Minnesota .

All three go with a White House official to examine the fence. The Minnesota contractor takes out a tape measure and does some measuring, then works some figures with a pencil. "Well," he says, "I figure the job will run about $900: $400 for materials, $400 for my crew and $100 profit for me."
...

They just discovered the cause of the implosion

OceanGate was purchasing materials for the vessel and misunderstood the term "substandard".

What do you call the Dr. Scholls conveyor belt used for cutting materials to various foot sizes?

*insert punchline*

What do you call bags of cocaine materials?

A crackoon.

I feel bad for modern mattress materials.

I'm sure there are things that even memory foam would like to forget.

The fence builder hates getting emails about his materials.

He's tired of seeing Re: Posts

Apple should be commended for using recycled materials in their products. Recycled plastics, recycled aluminum...

...even their phone designs are recycled

How do you handle hazardous materials?

Asbestos you can

I was trying to expose the cement company for using cheap materials

But I couldn't find any concrete evidence

My job is sectioning and dehydrating organic materials.

It may sound complicated, but it's actually cut and dry.

Where does Trump get his materials for the wall?

WallMart

Teacher: Who can tell me what are the best flammable materials?

Jewish kid: Me Me Me

Teacher: ok, what else?

We shouldn't be too hard on people who use toxic building materials.

They did asbestos they could.

Why do you need to carry radioactive materials in sealed, lead containers?

To stop it from falling out.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I went to the library to see if they had any informational materials on how to masterbate.

The female librarian said no.

This gave me no JOI.

Why should stone masons not be given a lot of money/materials to work with?

They take too much for granite

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Trump Just Announced: Free Materials Sourced for the Border Wall

"It was all a part of my plan, you see," he began. "I knew if I were to win, which I knew I would, it would be yuuuuge.

"When I won, half the population shit a brick.

"The bricks are already starting to dry. We're ahead of schedule. Way ahead. Bigly ahead.

"And, with all thes...

What does the blacksmith say when his materials are on sale?

"What a steel!"

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A different view of Three Little Pigs

A teacher was reading the story of the Three Little Pigs to her class. She came to the part of the story where first pig was trying to gather the building materials for his home.


She read "and so the pig went up to the man with the wheelbarrow full of straw and said:
'Pardon me s...

I heard in the news that thay've found harmful materials in cosmetics and childrens crayons, but in the defense of the big corporations...

They're doing asbestos they can.

Stats joke..

Three professors (a physicist, a chemist, and a statistician) are called in to see their dean. Just as they arrive the dean is called out of his office, leaving the three professors there. The professors see with alarm that there is a fire in the wastebasket.

The physicist says, "I know what ...

I thought my wife was going on a Belgium holiday to buy chocolates. When she got back, I found out she’d actually been on holiday in Paris buying curtain materials.

It was a fabrication.

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