A physicist, a chemist and an activist stay at a hotel (OC)

And suddenly, it starts burning in the hotel. The physicist grabs the nearest fire extinguisher and extinguishes the fire from the bottom. The chemist, knowing that fire needs oxygen to burn, grabs the nearest fire-proof blanket and covers the fire with it. The activist sees the fire and starts yell...

How do you tell the difference between a chemist and an electrician?

Ask them how to pronounce “unionized”

Two chemists went to a bar.

The first ordered H2O
The second ordered H2O too.

What kind of dog does a chemist have?

A lab.

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I once had a dyslexic chemist call me out on my bullshit.

He called me a hypochlorite.

Did you hear about the racist chemist?

He joined the Potassium Potassium Potassium

A chemist froze himself at -273.15°C.

Everyone said he was crazy, but he was 0K.

A world renowned chemist dies.

A world renowned chemist dies. His will states that he wishes for all of his favorite elements from the periodic table be included with his body. They go to his wife and ask "Are we really going to put a bunch of elements in his casket?
To which she replies
"No, just Barium"

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Old guy goes to the chemist and asks the pharmacist "is there some kind of pill that can help with sex?"

The pharmacist says "Yes, that'd be Viagra, it's awesome, I take it myself"

Old guy asks "Can you get it over the counter?"

Pharmacist replies "If I took 2 or 3, probably"

What do chemists dogs do with their bones?

They Barium!

A chemist walk into his shop

To find a man leaning against a wall. ‘What’s up with him he asks his assistant’. ‘He came in for a bottle of cough syrup, but we didn’t have any’ the assistant explains..’so I sold him a bottle of laxatives instead!’ ‘WHAT?’ Says the chemist, Horrified. ‘You can’t treat a cough with laxatives!’ ‘Of...

A biologist, a physicist, and a chemist go to the beach.

A biologist, a physicist, and a chemist go to the beach for the first time.


The biologist is amazed at the birds, the seaweed, the fish. He goes into the water for a closer look. Pretty soon the water is over his head. He drowns.


The physicist is mesmerized by the waves. T...

A chemist walks into a pharmacy and asks the pharmacist, “Do you have any acetylsalicylic acid?”

“You mean aspirin?” asked the pharmacist.

“That’s it! I can never remember that word.”

A man brought his chemist friend to the bar for a drink with the other friends. When asked what he wanted, the chemist decided that since she's the designated driver, she'll order water. "I'll have some H20, please!" the chemist said, with the man replying "I'll have some H20 too!"

The man died of ingesting hydrogen peroxide.

A Chemist, an Engineer, an Electrician and an IT guy get stranded on the side of the road after their car break down...

It’s the dead of winter and the wind chill is below freezing. One of them gets off the phone with the towing company, “they said it’s going to be at least two hours.” They all stay in the car.


After a few minutes the Chemist tells the other three, “I’m pretty sure I know what happened......

I went to the Chemist today.

I asked the assistant 'What gets rid of coronavirus?'

She replied 'Ammonia Cleaner.'

I said 'I'm sorry, I thought you worked here.'

A chemist walks into a pharmacy...

With a pained expression the chemist asks the pharmacist for some acetylsalicylic acid.

The pharmacist looks confused as he asks, "You mean aspirin?"

The chemist, still in pain replies with exasperation, "Yes! I can never remember that word." (Credit to Mr. Wilgus, my high school chemi...

Johnny was a chemist, a chemist who's no more

What he thought was H2O was H2SO4.

what do you call it when a chemist does it with a physicist?

Chemistry in Motion

A man goes to the chemist's

M: I would like 3 boxes of Xanax, please.

C: Sorry sir, you need a medical prescription for that.

M: I've got a wedding certificate.

C: That will do.

How a Chemist reads the alphabets

A B C D E F G water P Q R S T U V W X Y Z

A physicist, a chemist, and a statistician walk into an office to discover the trash can is on fire.

The physicist announces "We must put the garbage can in the fridge so that the temperature will be below the ignition temperature and therefore put itself out!"


The chemist replies "No, we must cover the garbage can so that the fire consumes all of the oxygen and, in the absence of reac...

Two chemists walk into a bar. The first says “I’ll take a glass of H2O.” The second says “I’ll take a glass of H2O too.”

*Since the bartender is not a chemist, he has no idea that H2O2 is the chemical formula for hydrogen peroxide, and gives both chemists a glass of water.*

[science] Why was spongebob fired from his job as a chemist?

His absorbance had no correlation to his concentration.

A physicist, a chemist, and a statistician go hunting.

They come upon a deer and the physicist takes a shot that misses 5 feet to the left. The chemist then takes a shot that misses 5 feet to the right. The statistician declares, "We got him!!"

The dying chemist tells his assistant..

To check the following numbers in the periodic table. Confused, but still wishing to follow his directions, he listens carefully and the chemist lists down the numbers, 10, 23, 47, 8, 7, 47, 53, 23, 63, 92, 15. After listung them down, the assistant tells the chemist he did it, and with a smile, the...

Two chemists walk into a bar.

Two chemists walk into a bar.

The first one says, "I'll have some H2O."

The second says, "I'll have some water too. But why'd you order it like that? We aren't at work."

The first chemist excuses himself and weeps in the bathroom. His assassination plot had failed.


<...

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An old man walks into a chemist and starts examining packs of viagra...

Nurse: Do you need any help there, sir?

Old Man: Yes, every Saturday my wife wants to have sex, but unfortunately, I can never get an erection. Which brand of viagra would you recommend?

Nurse: Well sir, everyone is different, but if you come with me to the counter, I can get you a pac...

Two chemists walk into a bar

Chemist one: Can I have some H2O?
Chemist two: Can I get some H2O too?

Chemist two died.

THE END

Why are chemists good at solving problems?

They have all the solutions.

A physicist, chemist and computer scientific were traveling in a car

The car breaks down and all three of them step out and stare at the car.

The physicist says, "Probably a mechanical failure, let's look at the engine."

The chemist says, "Unlikely, the fuel is probably of a low grade which must be the culprit."

The computer scientist says, "Let'...

What did the city say to the chemist getting evicted?

Cesium and desist

Did you hear about the part-time chemist?

He only worked periodically.

How can you tell the difference between a chemist and a chemical factory worker?

Write down the word *'unionized'* and ask them to pronounce it.

What do you do with a sick chemist?

If you can't helium, and you can't curium, then you might as well barium.

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What did the horny chemist say to her colleague?

Compound me.

What do you do with a dead Chemist?

You Barium.

A chemist, a biologist and a quantum physicist go surfing.

Having developed a paranoid sense for lab safety precautions, the chemist is worried about jumping into water with unknown impurities.

The biologist knows the local marine wildlife and assures him that the water is perfectly safe for living beings, with plenty of fishes and squids present. <...

A chemist wants to open up a coffee shop

When the FDA comes to check his facility, they ask about his coffee recipe. He says, "I'm not like these other coffee shops. My coffee is made using pure science!

One part carbon monoxide and 2 parts iron."

Two chemists walk into a bar. The first one says to the bartender "I'll have a H20". The second one says "I'll have a H2O as well", making sure to not have his order confused with H2O2.

The second chemist died anyway, because the bartender was a chemistry student who had been waiting his whole life for this.

A man walks into the chemist....

He says to the pharmacist, "I have a really bad case of piles, can you make me something up?"
The pharmacist says, "certainly sir, in fact we had Mick Jagger in this morning with exactly the same complaint"
"Oh really?" Says the man.
The pharmacist says, "no,I just made it up".

Did you hear about the chemist who was arrested?

He threw sodium chloride at his wife, that's a salt.

How can you spot a Chemist in the bathroom?

They wash their hands
before they use the toilet.

Why do chemists like nitrates so much?

They're cheaper than day rates.

I asked a chemist

"Where's the deoderant?

"Ball or aerosol," he asked.

"No," I said, "it's for my armpits."

An Australian enters a chemist.

He walks up and tells the chick behind the counter,

"Yeah I'm looking for some deodorant."

She says "OK, ball or aerosol?"

He looks at her a little confused...

"Nah armpits"

Why can't chemists dogs' ever find their bones?

Because they barium

Two chemists walk into a Bar

chemist 1: I’ll have some H2O

chemist 2: I’ll have some H2O also

chemist 2’s arch nemesis disguised as the bartender: [under breath] so close....

What do alcoholics and chemists have in common?

They both view alcohol as a solution.

What do you do with a sick chemist?

First you try helium,then try curium,but if that doesn't work.You barium

(OC) An American chemist, a German chemist, and a French chemist are hanging out on a beach.

“Americium is the best element” brags the American chemist, “it’s used in smoke detectors and saves lives.”

“No way, germanium is way more awesome.” counters the German chemist, “without it, most electronic devices wouldn’t ever work.”

“Watch this, amateurs!” Says the French chemist, h...

I knew a chemist who survived solely on oxygen and potassium.

When I asked him what he felt like, he said OK.

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After queueing up for almost half an hour in the chemist last week,

I finally got to the
counter and the woman
looked at me and said,
"I'm really sorry about
your wait."

I replied,
"you're not so fucking
skinny yourself."

Why couldn't the chemist laugh at the queens fart?

Because noble gases are nonreactive.

A chemist robbed a bank and got away.

Maybe if the guards had scandium before he left, the money would have benzene.

A chemist and a mathematician are going camping in the woods.

Night begins to fall and the sun starts to set. They begin to get cold and hungry. The mathematician gets the idea to start a campfire for warmth and cooking. The problem is that they do not have any wood. The chemist then suggests to go out and find some loose twigs and burn them.

As they ve...

I WENT to the chemist to pick up a prescription..

The pharmacist said to me, “When taking this medication you may experience irritability, and pain in your hand and wrist. And that’s just from trying to get the cap off.”

A chemist walks into his pharmacy

A chemist walks into his pharmacy and sees a man standing in the corner with his hand on his stomach. He asks his assistant what happened. "the man came in with a cough but since we were out of cough syrup I gave him a laxative" his assistant says. "you can't treat a cough with a laxative" the chemi...

What’s the difference between a chemist and an alchemist?

Aluminum

A chemist walks into reddit

He does some research on certain posts and discovers that they are made up of atoms.

After some thought, he concludes that the posts at the top of r/all contain mostly hydrogen atoms, because hydrogen is the lightest element, so these posts naturally rise to the top. He decides to name these ...

What do they call a chemist who makes sodas?

A fizzycist.

What did the chemist get for his 69th birthday?

You’d think they’d give him Thulium, but really it was Nickel and Cerium.

A chemist, a biologist and a mathematician are sitting in a cafe, looking out of the window.

They all watch three people walk into a house across the road. After 20 minutes, only two people leave the same house.

The scientists are very confused about what has happened.

'The measurements varied, and therefore the measuring equipment was likely inaccurate,' declares the chemist,...

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A chemist has invented a laughing gas that's also a laxative...

It was mostly for shits and giggles

A Mathematician, A Physicist and A Chemist were on a Beach

They decided to put their expertise to use and conduct some research. The Math man said, "I'll jump into the water and measure the depth of the ocean." The Physicist said, "I will go and examine the density of the water at various depths." The Chemist said, "I will use the data you both collect and ...

A chemist walks into a bar and orders a Pb&J sandwich.

He dies of lead poisoning.

A chemist, a mechanic, a electrician, and a programmer were driving in a car when it broke down.

"This must be because we've mixed the wrong fuel additive!" said the chemist.



"Bollocks!" said the mechanic. "This is clearly a mechanical problem. There must be something wrong with the engine."



"Both of you are wrong. The problem lies with the car wiring and the batte...

Chemist 1 and Chemist 2 walk into a bar

A waiter comes round and asks them what they would like

Chemist 1: I’ll have some H20 please

Chemist 2: I’ll have some h20 too

Chemist one smiles, knowing his assasination was a success

How can you tell the difference between a biologist and a chemist in the bathroom?

A biologist washes his hands after peeing, a chemist washes his hands before.

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Two Chemists Walk into a Bar

“I’ll have an H2O,” one scientist says.

"I’ll have an H2O, too,” the other says.

The bartender gives them both water because he is able to distinguish the boundary tones that dictate the grammatical function of homonyms in coda position as well as pragmatic context.

I would make a chemistry joke, but seems like all the chemists here...

...Argon.

A physicist, a biologist, and a chemist were going to the ocean for the first time.

The physicist saw the ocean and was fascinated by the waves. He said he wanted to do some research on the fluid dynamics of the waves and walked into the ocean. He never returned.

The biologist said he wanted to do research on the flora and fauna inside the ocean and walked inside the ocean. ...

What do you call a tree owned by a chemist?

Chemist's tree!

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What does a chemist say when he comes out of the closet for being bisexual?

Iodine, Americium, Bismuth.

If you ever have a problem, ask any chemist.

They will always have a solution.

A chemist went to see a doctor

"Doctor, I don't feel thirst and keep finding myself always dehydrated". "Drink 8 glasses of fluid a day as a guideline" adviced the doctor.

"Can I count in fruit juice?" asked the man. "Since they do contain a bit of sugar, don't forget to supplement the fluid intake with H20 too" replied th...

As a chemist I can conclude that Freddie Mercury's voice is full of beryllium, gold and titanium

Because his voice is Be-Au-Ti-full

I asked my chemist friend if it took him 4 years to get his degree...

He said "Sodium Bromate."

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