Two hydrogen atoms and an oxygen atom had a threesome...

Made me so wet.

A hydrogen molecule gets arrested.

His mother comes down to the police station to bail him out. She is met by the detective working the case.

I don’t understand it, says the mother. Hydrogen was always a good kid. I never had any problems til he met oxygen.

Don’t worry, says the detective. The situation is fluid but he...

What did the bartender say when oxygen, hydrogen, sulfur, sodium, and phosphorous walked into his bar?

OH SNaP!

Two hydrogen atoms are walking down a street

All of a sudden, one stops and says “ oh my goodness I’ve lost my electron!” The other turns to him and says “are you sure” to which the first replies “ yeah! I’m positive!”

H2O is water, and H2O2 is hydrogen peroxide, so what is H2O4?

Drinking

I heard that boron, ruthenium and hydrogen got into a fight recently

and I was like ‘BRuH’

Two chemists walk into a bar. One says "I'll have H20." The other says, "I'll have H20 too."

They both enjoy a nice glass of water, because what kind of bar has hydrogen peroxide on tap?

39 digits of pi accurately calculates the circumference of the universe to the width of a hydrogen atom

Scientists still can’t determine how much is needed for your mother though

A hydrogen elemental and two water elementals walk into a bar...

The bartender says, "'Water' you doing here?"

This came up in a recent RPG session. It's terrible, but I loved it too much not to post.

I was planning to make a joke about sodium and hydrogen

But NaH. Happy holidays everyone!!

My chemistry teacher was talking about Hydrogen Bonding today.

Sounds like a lot of FON.

How is a hydrogen ion similar to North Korea?

They have no electrons.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Ok here is a very dark joke. NSFW

Hitler and Mussolini were a lot like hydrogen and oxygen.

One did the burning while the other supported it.

Why don't Sodium and Hydrogen have any friends?

Because when they ask someone to hangout with them, everyone says NaH dude.

How do chemistry teachers greet each other?

"Hydrogen iodide"

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

When people tell me that the U.S. made the first hydrogen bomb, I always have to correct them...

It was obviously the Nazis with their *Hindenburg*.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A guy was recruited for the first settlement on another planet....

The Settlement Chief met him on the landing site.

"This place is going to take some getting used to. It's like a mirror version of Earth. The elements which are rare on Earth are the most abundant here while the common elements are extremely rare."

"So why are we here then," the guy a...

I don’t wanna drink water anymore.

2 hydrogen atoms are going at it, the one H atom says to the other, this is boring there’s no spark anymore, we should do something about this. The one hydrogen atom thinks about his friend oxygen atom, calls him up and tells him what’s up. So oxygen atom comes over and him and hydrogen atom start t...

Three atoms, hydrogen, helium, and oxygen walk into a bar.

They go up to the bartender, Germanium, and start to order their drinks, but soon realise they are short on cash.

Hydrogen says to Germanium, "Hey man, we've had a long week, bonding is hard. If we can make you laugh, can we drink for free tonight?"

Germanium thinks about it for a min...

A chemist walks into reddit

He does some research on certain posts and discovers that they are made up of atoms.

After some thought, he concludes that the posts at the top of r/all contain mostly hydrogen atoms, because hydrogen is the lightest element, so these posts naturally rise to the top. He decides to name these ...

Hydrogen is the smartest.

The rest of the elements are denser.

Hydrogen and Carbon walk into a bar

Hydrogen: Hey I was thinking about starting a business about electrons and wanted to ask if you wanted to be a partner

Carbon: Sure! I’ve got nothing to lose!

Two men walked into a bar...

....The first man said “Can I have some H2O please.” The second man said “I’ll have some H2O2 please.”

The second man died.

Edit: It’s a chemistry joke.

Edit 2: H2O2 is hydrogen dioxide and kills you even though your body produces it for no reason and then produces an enzyme t...

What do you call a nitrogen atom having a 5-way orgy with 4 other hydrogen atoms?

Ammoooaaanium

Why did Hydrogen hurt Iron?

Because he wanted to see him Sulfur.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What did the sexual deviant hydrogen say to the oxygen?

Do you like bondage?

Two Hydrogens walk into a bar and spot an Oxygen

Feeling adventurous, they approach her and ask "Hey baby, can we interest you in a waterway?"

What do you get when you put hydrogen into the air?

Hair

An old professor of Particle Physics and his assistant were having beers at a pub in London when the conversation drifted to the experiments with the Large Hadron Collider near Geneva, Switzerland.

The assistant mentioned one of the wonderous things the famous particle collider can do. "The Collider can accelerate protons," the assistant began.

The professor smiled and said, "Yes, I've seen it do that, personally."

Surprised and intrigued that his mentor had worked with ...

So Scooby Doo mixes Ruthenium Hydrogen together with alcohol..

RuH-ROH.

I don’t know why everyone is so upset about untraditional family structures, it’s been happening in the animal world for years. For example, all water buffalos have three parents

One oxygen buffalo and two hydrogen buffalos.

Hydrogen asks his parents, Sodium and Potassium if he can go to a party.

First, he asks his mom, Sodium. He knows that she is very strict and she will probably say no.

"Na," she says, exactly what he expects

He decides to ask his dad. He is much less strict, and was in a good mood. Maybe he can let Hydrogen go to the party.

"k," he says

So Hydrogen finally admitted to Sodium that she had been bonding with Oxygen

Sodium reacted violently.

My mother pushed me to become a chemist, she said i would be rich

now im full of calcium, sulphur and hydrogen, but got no money

Fat women are like hydrogen

single and abundant

Do you know how many hydrogen bonds I can disrupt? (Chemistry pick-up line)

Enough to break the ice, how's it going?

Two chemists go into a bar. The first one says "I think I'll have an H2O." The second one says "I think I'll have an H2O too".

The bartender then gives them two glasses of water because he doesn't keep freaking Hydrogen Peroxide on the bar counter.

Hydrogen punched helium...

Helium didn't react.

How many periodic elements does it take to turn on a light?

Sulfur, Tungsten, Iodine, Technetium, and Hydrogen.

Two scientists walk into a bar. The bartender asks what they would like to drink. The first scientist says "I'll have a glass of H2O please." The second scientist says "I'll have H2O too."

The bartender gives them both water because he isn’t a moron and no bar serves hydrogen peroxide anyway.

A chemist went to see a doctor

"Doctor, I don't feel thirst and keep finding myself always dehydrated". "Drink 8 glasses of fluid a day as a guideline" adviced the doctor.

"Can I count in fruit juice?" asked the man. "Since they do contain a bit of sugar, don't forget to supplement the fluid intake with H20 too" replied th...

Oxygen and potassium went on a date...

...it went ok.

Oxygen and magnesium went on a date.

The other chemicals were like 'omg'!

Two noble gases went on a date.

There was no reaction.

Two protons went on a date.

There was no attraction.

Hydrogen and chlorine went on a date.

They felt...

This is a little science joke my friend told me.

A 99kg man asks his friend “if I eat 1kg of nachos, does that make me 1%nacho.?” The friend replied to that
“Well the human body is made up of sodium, oxygen, carbon and hydrogen. So that practically makes us 100% NaCHO”

Nuclei and Electrons are the original hipsters of the universe.

They were hydrogen before it was cool.

My ex-girlfriend and I still have a lot of chemistry between us.

Admittedly, it's the kind you get between acetone and hydrogen peroxide...

A genius high school chemistry student takes a test

A genius high school chemistry student takes a test, gets his score back, and is dismayed to find that he missed exactly one question and thus would not be accepted to his University of choice. He is especially bummed because the question he missed was "how many valence electrons does a Hydrogen ato...

Stellar objects and radio waves?

I always wondered, when hearing stellar bodies like pulsars, quasars and black holes emit radio waves, the following:

1) Are these waves akin to AM/FM/VHF/UHF type signals in that they transmit signals and sound?
2) If not, are these "waves" just variations in the redshift of hydrogen?
...

My hotel room has a partial water view!

I would have preferred oxygen but hydrogen is nice, too.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Hmmm Metric or Imperial?

"In metric, one milliliter of water occupies one cubic centimeter, weighs one gram, and requires one calorie of energy to heat up by one degree centigrade—which is 1 percent of the difference between its freezing point and its boiling point. An amount of hydrogen weighing the same amount has exactly...

A chemist and his friend go to lunch. When asked what they want to drink,the chemist says, "I'll have some H2O." His friend says "I'll have some H2O too"

When they get their drinks, they both are fine because the waiter is a sensible person who is able to distinguish the difference between the chemical compound H2O2, hydrogen peroxide, and asking to have water, like his friend.

Gentlemen...BEHOLD! Puns.

What do you call a cool mushroom?...A fun guy!!!

A neutron walks into a bar. "I'd like a beer" he says. The bartender promptly serves up a beer. "How much will that be?" asks the neutron. "For you?" replies the bartender, "no charge"

A guy walks into a restaurant, and takes a seat. Acr...

Some (eye-rolling) Chemistry Pick-up Lines for the Valentine's season

* Are you made of Carbon? Because it feels like my world revolves around you.
* You're my Lithium.
* Are you an anion? Because I'm positive we're meant to be together.
* My heart is made of Gallium. It melts when you're close to me.
* Are you Fluorine? Because i can't seem to get myself ...

Did you hear about the polar bear on the news last night?

That one broke the ice.

Reddit I come to you with a request - Do you have any good ice breaker jokes? Better than the one I just used? This is because I have used that one for almost 3 years now and it might be wearing thin on it's life of being funny.

The only other one I have heard i...

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