Two hydrogen atoms and an oxygen atom had a threesome...

Made me so wet.

Two hydrogen atoms are walking down a street

All of a sudden, one stops and says “ oh my goodness I’ve lost my electron!” The other turns to him and says “are you sure” to which the first replies “ yeah! I’m positive!”

H2O is water, and H2O2 is hydrogen peroxide, so what is H2O4?

Drinking

I heard that boron, ruthenium and hydrogen got into a fight recently

and I was like ‘BRuH’

I don’t know why everyone is so upset about untraditional family structures, it’s been happening in the animal world for years. For example, all water buffalos have three parents

One oxygen buffalo and two hydrogen buffalos.

I was gonna tell a joke about Sodium and Hydrogen but...

Nah.

If we are made of oxygen, carbon, hydrogen, and nitrogen.

And the universe is made up of primarily oxygen, carbon, hydrogen, and nitrogen.Is this why I'm so spaced out?

A hydrogen elemental and two water elementals walk into a bar...

The bartender says, "'Water' you doing here?"

This came up in a recent RPG session. It's terrible, but I loved it too much not to post.

How is a hydrogen ion similar to North Korea?

They have no electrons.

Three atoms, hydrogen, helium, and oxygen walk into a bar.

They go up to the bartender, Germanium, and start to order their drinks, but soon realise they are short on cash.

Hydrogen says to Germanium, "Hey man, we've had a long week, bonding is hard. If we can make you laugh, can we drink for free tonight?"

Germanium thinks about it for a min...

39 digits of pi accurately calculates the circumference of the universe to the width of a hydrogen atom

Scientists still can’t determine how much is needed for your mother though

Two chemists go into a bar. The first one says "I think I'll have an H2O." The second one says "I think I'll have an H2O too".

The bartender then gives them two glasses of water because he doesn't keep freaking Hydrogen Peroxide on the bar counter.

What did Oxygen say when he realized he is losing an argument with Hydrogen?

“OH”

I was planning to make a joke about sodium and hydrogen

But NaH. Happy holidays everyone!!

My chemistry teacher was talking about Hydrogen Bonding today.

Sounds like a lot of FON.

Oxygen and potassium went on a date...

...it went ok.

Oxygen and magnesium went on a date.

The other chemicals were like 'omg'!

Two noble gases went on a date.

There was no reaction.

Two protons went on a date.

There was no attraction.

Hydrogen and chlorine went on a date.

They felt...

What do you call a nitrogen atom having a 5-way orgy with 4 other hydrogen atoms?

Ammoooaaanium

Oxygen, Hydrogen, Sulfur, Sodium, and Phosphorus walk into a bar.

The bartender says: "OH SNaP"

What do you get when you put hydrogen into the air?

Hair

I heared Sodium and Hydrogen were getting together

And I was like "NaH!"

Hydrogen and Carbon walk into a bar

Hydrogen: Hey I was thinking about starting a business about electrons and wanted to ask if you wanted to be a partner

Carbon: Sure! I’ve got nothing to lose!

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

What did the sexual deviant hydrogen say to the oxygen?

Do you like bondage?

Why did Hydrogen hurt Iron?

Because he wanted to see him Sulfur.

Hydrogen is the smartest.

The rest of the elements are denser.

So Scooby Doo mixes Ruthenium Hydrogen together with alcohol..

RuH-ROH.

Two Hydrogens walk into a bar and spot an Oxygen

Feeling adventurous, they approach her and ask "Hey baby, can we interest you in a waterway?"

A genius high school chemistry student takes a test

A genius high school chemistry student takes a test, gets his score back, and is dismayed to find that he missed exactly one question and thus would not be accepted to his University of choice. He is especially bummed because the question he missed was "how many valence electrons does a Hydrogen ato...

Fat women are like hydrogen

single and abundant

So Hydrogen finally admitted to Sodium that she had been bonding with Oxygen

Sodium reacted violently.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

A guy was recruited for the first settlement on another planet....

The Settlement Chief met him on the landing site.

"This place is going to take some getting used to. It's like a mirror version of Earth. The elements which are rare on Earth are the most abundant here while the common elements are extremely rare."

"So why are we here then," the guy a...

A chemist walks into reddit

He does some research on certain posts and discovers that they are made up of atoms.

After some thought, he concludes that the posts at the top of r/all contain mostly hydrogen atoms, because hydrogen is the lightest element, so these posts naturally rise to the top. He decides to name these ...

Hydrogen asks his parents, Sodium and Potassium if he can go to a party.

First, he asks his mom, Sodium. He knows that she is very strict and she will probably say no.

"Na," she says, exactly what he expects

He decides to ask his dad. He is much less strict, and was in a good mood. Maybe he can let Hydrogen go to the party.

"k," he says

Do you know how many hydrogen bonds I can disrupt? (Chemistry pick-up line)

Enough to break the ice, how's it going?

An old professor of Particle Physics and his assistant were having beers at a pub in London when the conversation drifted to the experiments with the Large Hadron Collider near Geneva, Switzerland.

The assistant mentioned one of the wonderous things the famous particle collider can do. "The Collider can accelerate protons," the assistant began.

The professor smiled and said, "Yes, I've seen it do that, personally."

Surprised and intrigued that his mentor had worked with ...

Nuclei and Electrons are the original hipsters of the universe.

They were hydrogen before it was cool.

My mother pushed me to become a chemist, she said i would be rich

now im full of calcium, sulphur and hydrogen, but got no money

How many periodic elements does it take to turn on a light?

Sulfur, Tungsten, Iodine, Technetium, and Hydrogen.

A chemist went to see a doctor

"Doctor, I don't feel thirst and keep finding myself always dehydrated". "Drink 8 glasses of fluid a day as a guideline" adviced the doctor.

"Can I count in fruit juice?" asked the man. "Since they do contain a bit of sugar, don't forget to supplement the fluid intake with H20 too" replied th...

This is a little science joke my friend told me.

A 99kg man asks his friend “if I eat 1kg of nachos, does that make me 1%nacho.?” The friend replied to that
“Well the human body is made up of sodium, oxygen, carbon and hydrogen. So that practically makes us 100% NaCHO”

Two scientists walk into a bar. The bartender asks what they would like to drink. The first scientist says "I'll have a glass of H2O please." The second scientist says "I'll have H2O too."

The bartender gives them both water because he isn’t a moron and no bar serves hydrogen peroxide anyway.

My ex-girlfriend and I still have a lot of chemistry between us.

Admittedly, it's the kind you get between acetone and hydrogen peroxide...

My hotel room has a partial water view!

I would have preferred oxygen but hydrogen is nice, too.

Stellar objects and radio waves?

I always wondered, when hearing stellar bodies like pulsars, quasars and black holes emit radio waves, the following:

1) Are these waves akin to AM/FM/VHF/UHF type signals in that they transmit signals and sound?
2) If not, are these "waves" just variations in the redshift of hydrogen?
...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

26 groaners

1. The fattest knight at King Arthur's round table was Sir Cumference. He acquired his size from too much pi.



2. I thought I saw an eye-doctor on an Alaskan island, but it turned out to be an optical Aleutian.



3. She was only a whiskey-maker, but he loved her still....

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

Hmmm Metric or Imperial?

"In metric, one milliliter of water occupies one cubic centimeter, weighs one gram, and requires one calorie of energy to heat up by one degree centigrade—which is 1 percent of the difference between its freezing point and its boiling point. An amount of hydrogen weighing the same amount has exactly...

A chemist and his friend go to lunch. When asked what they want to drink,the chemist says, "I'll have some H2O." His friend says "I'll have some H2O too"

When they get their drinks, they both are fine because the waiter is a sensible person who is able to distinguish the difference between the chemical compound H2O2, hydrogen peroxide, and asking to have water, like his friend.

Gentlemen...BEHOLD! Puns.

What do you call a cool mushroom?...A fun guy!!!

A neutron walks into a bar. "I'd like a beer" he says. The bartender promptly serves up a beer. "How much will that be?" asks the neutron. "For you?" replies the bartender, "no charge"

A guy walks into a restaurant, and takes a seat. Acr...

Some (eye-rolling) Chemistry Pick-up Lines for the Valentine's season

* Are you made of Carbon? Because it feels like my world revolves around you.
* You're my Lithium.
* Are you an anion? Because I'm positive we're meant to be together.
* My heart is made of Gallium. It melts when you're close to me.
* Are you Fluorine? Because i can't seem to get myself ...

If Donald Trump was asked "If oxygen was discovered in 1783, how could human breathe before", this would probably be his answer.

I have to say a lot of people have been asking this question. No, really. A lot of people come up to me, and they ask me. They say, 'How do people breathe before the discovery of oxygen'? And I tell them, look, we know what oxygen is. We've had almost eight years of the worst kind of chemistry you c...