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Why do Chinese people love IPhones and Apple products?

Because the greatest gifts are the ones your children made.

(inspired by u/lorenzomofo 's comment on a
r/nextfuckinglevel post)

I’m banned for life from acting in our production of Romeo and Juliet, just because I misunderstood the stage directions.

It said, [Enter Juliet from the rear]

I heard people are getting paid to mention companies and do product placement in their Reddit posts!

That's almost as crazy as the discounts at Jez's Furniture Emporium. Sale this weekend

Me- Alexa check my bank balance and tell me which apple product can I buy?

Alexa- apple juice

What do you call a factory that makes great quality products?

A satisfactory

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The latest product out is Viagra-infused whisky.

It's for people that need a stiff drink.

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What did Dr. Watson name the product he invented to successfully cure his partner’s chronic diarrhea?

No shit Sherlock

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I was studying about human digestion, assimilation and it's product.

It's all shit

Apple just announced their next groundbreaking product

The iShovel

Was recently hired as beauty product model...

I was the "before" model.

I bought a product that was supposed to turn me into an AC unit.

I’m not a fan.

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Why did they stop the production of the air conditioned toilet seat?

Shit hit the fan.

What kind of cookie does a crazy professor who only uses apple products prefer?

Macademia Nut

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A product manager was asked by his son about his work. The father says, "My job is all about the difference between theory and practice." The child didn't understand, so the father said, "Let me give you an example:"

"Go ask your sister if she'd sleep with the neighbor for £1M". Kid goes, returns & says "she's not too happy to but she will for times are tough."

Then the father said: "Now go ask your mom that question" so the child goes, returns and says: "Mom's is not too happy to sleep with the neigh...

The Apple Store in my city was looted and thieves took off with $100K worth of products.

Police make no arrests and say they were were able to recover both computers.

Sir, we should stop testing our products on animals

- Why? All the shampoo companies do it too.
- yeah, but we make power tools

If you sneeze on a calculator when you're doing a multiplication equation inside of your house, do you now have a Gross Domestic Product?

*sorry I know I tried way too hard with this lol*

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A porn production company finally hired me...

There was a lot of back and forth and I gave it my best shot!

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Products with what deals do pornstars buy?

Bang for buck.

Thank goodness Reddit is back up

I was almost productive for a second there!

Twenty years from now, kids are gonna think "Baby it's cold outside" is really weird, and we're gonna have to explain that it has to be understood as a product of its time.

You see, it used to get cold outside

Do not buy any more products that use velcro

It’s a real rip off.

I head Thailand and Iraq are working together to create a new product.

It's called a Tie Rack

80% of Swedish nationals report enjoying the lockdown despite having initially rejecting it. They say it makes them more productive.

Personally, I think it’s just a case of Stuckhome syndrome.

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A pothead goes to the local dealer.

He says:
- Yo, gimme something new, something strong!
- Alright man, this is the new product in the market. replies the dealer. It's called "Light-Dark".
- Light-Dark? Why? asks the pothead.
- Just buy some, try it out, and you'll see why.

Our pothead buys the stuff, arrives at h...

Bakeries often ask me to pose for promotional photos with their products.

Apparently I'm an excellent roll model.

If a person is sueing a product for blinding him/her in one of their eyes, they should win double the amount

Because they are not gonna be able to see half of it anyway.

People doubting longevity of Made in China products

Rest of the world: Chinese products don’t last long and lack quality.

China invents COVID19 and now asking everyone, “You still doubt my abilities, mofos”.

My grandmother was a founding pioneer for the Weathertech products.

She had clear vinyl on her furniture

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Scotland recently became the first country to offer free sanitary products to all women.

Makes sense since all their politicians are just self-serving cunts.

Two guy friends are planning how to market their new product

Friend 1: “Should I make a folded informative pamphlet that we can hand out to potential customers?”

Friend 2: “Bro, sure!”

I called to the toilet paper manufacturer to complain about a dysfunctional layer of the product...

They wouldn't re-ply.

What was the least productive period of the USSR?

When their leader was Stalin for 30 years

Damn. Nokia really does create high quality products.

They do everything from start to finnish

A bright young executive had just been hired as the new CEO of a large high tech firm. The CEO who was stepping down met with him privately and handed him three numbered envelopes.

“Open these if you run up against a problem you don’t think you can handle,” he said.

Well, things went along pretty smoothly, but six months later, sales took a nosedive and he was really catching a lot of heat from the board. At wit’s end, he remembered the envelopes. He went to his drawer ...

As a responsible employer, All my staff are in a 2 week quarantine.

Productivity is through the roof since nobody can leave the office.

Sitting at the ER.. I don’t really want to go into details

But the “Dyson Ball Cleaner” is a very misleading product.

How did the ice cream man sell all of his melting product on a hot summer day?

He had a liquidation sale.

The day Microsoft makes a product that doesn't suck...

Is the day they make a vacuum cleaner.

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A sexually active cock

A couple goes to visit a farm. A farmer shows them around and points toward a chicken and says, "This chicken is amazing, he can have sex 300 times a day."

The wife glances meaningfully to the husband and says, "Wow, what an amazing cock."

He husband, wisely, asks the farmer, "But is i...

What did 2 say to 3 when they saw 6 act like an idiot

Don’t mind him. He’s just a product of our times

Today I came to realize...

Post nut clarity makes me so much more productive!

What do you call a child born out of incest?

A Gross Domestic Product

Tampex has announced they are replacing the string on their products with tinsel.

For the Christmas period.

I started a job making plastic Dracula figurines but there’s only two of us in the production line.

I have to make every second Count.

A soviet worker wants to surprise his wife for their 10 year anniversary

A poor, soviet worker, who works in a vacuum factory wants to make his wife a present for their 10 year anniversary. He has barely enough money to survive tho, so he hatches a plan:

every day while standing at the production line he steals one vacuum part and brings it home. After a few week...

My friends and I were putting together a musical score for a production of Hamlet

Tuba or no tuba, that was the question

What do you call a feminine hygiene product from the 1800's?

A Period Pad

A well known rule of three

Long ago, on a different geometric planet, there were many perfectly triangular lakes. On each lake were three kingdoms, each presided over by a trio of higher beings. One particular lake has an interesting story. Though the kingdoms on it started out peacefully, each settling their dispute with ano...

Why is british food so bland?

They've been trading spices for centuries and we all know dealers don't use their product.

The top executives of the Budweiser beer company decide they need a fresh, new marketing initiative. One suggests that the Catholic church, being a well known, global brand just like themselves, would be a suitable sponsorship partner, so they send two of their most persuasive directors to Rome.

They are granted an audience with the Pope and explain that they want a commercial link-up with the Vatican. This would, of course, involve some careful 'product placement'. What they suggest is that the words in the Lord's prayer , 'Give us this day our daily bread', be replaced with, 'Give us this...

Why are Americans so obsessed with Apple Products?

Because they can't afford health insurance in the US

Did you hear how there's a national coin shortage?

The U.S. Mint's production of about 1 billion coins per month has been slowed due to COVID-19 safety precautions for the workers.

The good news is that they've overcome the bottlenecks and will be overclocking their machines for increased production. They plan on averaging 1.65 billion coins ...

Two guys are in a meeting at work

The first guy says "Hey I think we should stop testing our products on animals."



The second guy tells him "look, I know it sucks but animal testing is an unfortunate necessity in saving human lives - look at the pharmaceutical industry.



The first guy goes "yeah, but we ...

What's it called when a drug dealer tests his products?

A business trip.

I find it wild that people would use cleaning products on their skeletons.

But to bleach their bone, I guess.

Did you hear that Goop's new line of hair care products made from guano turned out to be fake?

It was *sham*poo.

I get drunk with power uninstalling microsoft products. I don't do it all the time..

just when I need to take the Edge off.

Hard to believe, but my girlfriend has a rare disease that makes her allergic to cosmetic products.

It’s true, this is something you can’t make up

Breaking news: Philadelphia Cream Cheese's New Ad Slams Competitor Brand's product!

It's just a regular smear campaign.

Three of a kind

Coral turns white when it gets stressed. What could coral be stressed about you ask? Current events.

Eletrical engineers make mistakes when they get stressed. What could an eletrical engineer be stressed about you ask? Current events.

Berry farmers are seeing a drop in productivity du...

Goodwill has announced they will no longer accept donations of vape or tobacco products

Clothes, but no cigar.

Apple just came out with its latest product that disgusted everyone.

The I-cup.

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Land O Lakes just came out with a new product line

I was hoping for something butter, but there's only a margarinal difference

Have you heard of the new Apple Product designed to protect your eyes?

It's called iLid

Apple made a new tablet computer catered towards children but had to abandon the product before it hit the market...

... market research deemed that "iTouch Kids" didn't go well with the target audience.

My wife is having a very productive day, I'm so proud

Her note says she's already Doug and refilled a hole before she even left the house!

Right now she's out hitting the Jim before she does some Aarons and it says she might be giving me "the gift that keeps on giving" when she gets back!

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It's not easy being a pill tester at the Viagra production facility...

The workers are always hard at work.

Beyonce was just telling me the best way to source product for my new pillow-making side-hustle. I was very surprised when she suggested punching a duck in the face.

I replied - I didn't know you could get down like that.

My new girlfriend told me she doesn’t eat dairy products.

I said “No whey!”

What's the only thing more terrifying than Thanos wearing the Infinity Gauntlet?

Thanos wearing the Infinity Gauntlet while playing a Jet in a production of West Side Story

What is Pavlov's favorite hair product?

Conditioner

I tell my wife to buy good quality products but she always gets cheap junk.

The only thing in our house that doesn't suck is the vacuum cleaner.

Damn girl are you an apple product?

Because you’re expensive and useless

What is Thanos' favorite dairy product?

Half and Half

Did you hear that they're making a Broadway production based off the dictionary?

It's a play on words.

So a boss walks into his business meeting

He sits at the head of the table and says
“We need to stop testing our products on animals”

One of his employees exclaim “Why?! Makeup brands do it all the time!”

He turns to her and says “Susan? We make hammers, what do you not understand!”

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What do you call it when you get your dick stuck in an Apple product?

A Steve Job

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The Waiter and the Spoon

A married couple decides to brave Covid and eat out for their anniversary at a fancy restaurant. They’ve been ordering Grubhub for months and are excited to support a local business in person. They order soup, but as it arrives, the man accidentally knock his spoon onto the floor with his elbow. To ...

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A man, tired after a long days work, walks into a bar.

He doesn't see any menus, signage, or anything to indicate a price for the products behind the bar. So, he asks the bartender. "How much for a beer?"

The bartender looks to the ceiling for a moment, before replying. "One dollar and it comes with your choice of twelve top shelf bottles."
...

A new employee on his first day working at Walmart.

A new employee is being trained on the first day of his job. His supervisor explains to him how to do his job.

“The trick is to lead customers to products based on what they want. Let me demonstrate.”

A customer approaches and explains that he needs something for his garden, and the tr...

‘Whaling is the hunting of whales for their usable products such as meat and blubber.’

\[ CETACEAN NEEDED \]

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Two scientists are testing out their newly created products.

Scientist 1: You know its inhumane to test our products on animals, right?

Scientist 2: What are you talking about? Shampoo companies do it all the time!

Scientist 1: Yeah, but we make dildos.

LPT: Always read product reviews before buying electronics

Like a lot of people, I’ve been drawn in by Amazon to check out their prime day deals. I was browsing through the electronics earlier, looking for a new flash drive for transferring documents between my home and work computers. The primary one I use currently is only USB 2.0 and I figured it might ...

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My girlfriend said that having sex all day isn’t productive.

And I said no, but it is reproductive.

What did the tickle me elmo get when he left the production line?

Two test tickles.

A guy comes back after a vacation...

He's in the airport when the custom agents stopped him.

"Sir, open the bag" said the agents.

The man obliges and opens the bag, revealing clothes, hygiene products and a small bottle of transparent liquid.

"What is this, sir?" asks one of the agents.

"Lourdes Holy Water, ...

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A guy from Apple promised me a pre-release of a new product if I sucked his cock this morning. As if I would compromise my values for such a materialistic item!

Sent from my iPhone XI

Why does Eric Clapton only buy apple products

Because his son had a bad experience with windows

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