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Product Jokes

The day Microsoft makes a product that doesn't suck...

Is the day they make a vacuum cleaner.

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Why do Chinese people love IPhones and Apple products?

Because the greatest gifts are the ones your children made.

(inspired by u/lorenzomofo 's comment on a
r/nextfuckinglevel post)

When I was young, I thought rich people owned Bose music systems and the rest of us had Sony products.

Turns out those were just stereotypes.

Why are vampires very bad Product Managers?

Because they refuse to meet with stake holders

What do you call a factory that makes okay products?

A satisfactory....

Testing products on animals

Guy: We need to stop testing our products on animals

Boss: Why? Shampoo companies do that all the time.

Guy: Ya. But we make hammers.

Apple is moving its production facilities from China to Thailand.

Say hello to iPad Thai.

Twenty years from now, kids are gonna think "Baby it's cold outside" is really weird, and we're gonna have to explain that it has to be understood as a product of its time.

You see, it used to get cold outside

What's the product name if Apple started making drones?

iSoar

(inspired by ImpulseSV)

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What do you call it when you get your dick stuck in an Apple product?

A Steve Job

What is Pavlov's favorite hair product?

Conditioner

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The best rule for productivity.

Since 2 yrs of my life I am following the 20-20-20 rule. Which is best for productivity and peace of mind.

I find it more calming then ever. Also I have gained lot of confidence in myself when fighting in this wild jungle I call life.

Even you can apply this to your life and get bette...

When people ask me about the product I sell I tell them people are dying to use it.

When I tell them it's life insurance, they look at me funny.

Apple is releasing a new product called the iKnife.

It's cutting edge technology.

A new product idea

A guy walks into a bar and orders a beer. "Have you decided what you want for Christmas?" the bartender asks. "Yeah, I think I really would like one of those mind-controlled air fresheners," the guy replies. "It just makes sense when you think about it."

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What’s the difference between Barbie and Oppenheimer?

Barbie product first manufactured in Japan and released in America.
Oppenheimer product first manufactured in America and release in Japan.

What's the difference between a product made in Mexico and a product made in America?

One is made by a Mexican, while the other is made by a Mexican immigrant.

The Washington Redskins are changing the team name because of all the negativity, shame, humiliation, dissent, polarity, adversity, defiance, animosity, contempt, discrimination, division, counter-productivity and hostility associated with their name.

....from now on they will be known simply as the Redskins.

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Elon Musk and Bill Gates created a penis enlargement product.

They called it Elongate.

What would you call a hair product that was marketing batman?

Conditioner Gordon.

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A company that sells nails decides to start advertising their product...

A company that sells nails decides to start advertising their product.

Their CEO goes to an ad agency to inquire about creating a large billboard downtown. He meets with an account executive and explains his need: "We have a good business, but I just feel like most people have never heard of ...

Said a fellow in liquor production ...

Said a fellow in liquor production

“I’ve a still of ingenious construction

the alcohol boils

through old magnet coils

I’ve dubbed it my Proof by Induction”

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Very bad product name

Did you guys hear that Apple scrapped its idea for an iPod touch for children when they realized that iTouch Kids would be a bad product name?

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Elmo production is now screwed

So, a little old retired lady applies to the Elmo production facility for a new job listed as "Quality Control". She reports to work on Monday and by 10AM, the production line is at a standstill. The manager goes out to see what the heck is going on. He sees her at the end of the line with a whole c...

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What is the name of Trump's new Viagra product?

'RIGGED ERECTION!!!'

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What did Dr. Watson name the product he invented to successfully cure his partner’s chronic diarrhea?

No shit Sherlock

Apple just announced their next groundbreaking product

The iShovel

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Did you know? In Marseille, they actually give you a certificate with every souvenir you buy, as a means of demonstrating that it's a genuine product of southern France.

It's proven Provence province provenance.

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New Apple Product Announcement: The iBra

Apple announced a new product: a bra that can store and play music. The iBra. The product is being praised as a step toward better relations between men and women. It is intended to address the complaints of women about men staring at their breasts and not listening to them.

Apple fitness products don't work.

I tried the iHop and it only made me gain weight.

I had decided to be a different person and be productive

But the other person turned out to be unproductive too......

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What product is actually great even though it sounds like scammy shit?

Shampoo.

As a door to door salesman, you never want to hear people say that your product "really sucks."

Unless you're selling vacuum cleaners.

Ba dum tiss.

I heard people are getting paid to mention companies and do product placement in their Reddit posts!

That's almost as crazy as the discounts at Jez's Furniture Emporium. Sale this weekend

Did you hear about the bandits smuggling feminine hygiene products down the river?

They're a real bunch of douche canoes.

I've just been randomly flicking through the Acme Products website.

There seems to be an awful lot of negative feedback comments by user 'Wile E. Coyote'.

One of my coworkers got fired for putting dangerous substances in the products.

I don’t think it was completely his fault though. He did asbestos he could.

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What’s one product Microsoft can never put their name on?

Boner Pills !

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The latest product out is Viagra-infused whisky.

It's for people that need a stiff drink.

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-Sir, there are people protesting our products outside because of our animal testing.

-I'm tired of all this hypocrisy …big pharma and cosmetics test their products on animals all the time…
-Yes sir, but we make dildos.

What is Thanos' favorite dairy product?

Half and Half

Product testing

Manager : Guys we need to stop testing on animals
Supervisor : But Shampoo companies have been doing it for years
Manager : Yeah, but we make hydraulic presses.

Monday and Tuesday are my most productive days

After that, it’s WTF

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You know what's a crappy product?

Arsenic.

Did you hear that they're making a Broadway production based off the dictionary?

It's a play on words.

Damn girl are you an apple product?

Because you’re expensive and useless

What do you call an MLM with a product that's actually worth buying?

A cartel.

In solidarity with much of the world pulling Russian products off the shelves ...

In solidarity with much of the world pulling Russian products off the shelves and banning them from events, I will do my part and not play Russian Roulette for the foreseeable future.

Apple made a new tablet computer catered towards children but had to abandon the product before it hit the market...

... market research deemed that "iTouch Kids" didn't go well with the target audience.

Before Darryl Hall's music career took off he was an over the road driver for Quaker Products.

He was literally haul'n oats.

Apple wanted to launch a new product directed at children.

In retrospect, it was probably not the best idea to call it "iTouch Kids".

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The Miami Marlins are no longer allowed to use the pain relief product Bengay in their clubhouse.

They must only use Benstraight from now on.

I've got a job making plastic dracular figures but there's only two of us on the production line.

I have to make every second count

Northern europeans are good with car production

Because only with them is a car truly finnished

My employer has recently started testing their products on animals.

I guess it wouldn't be so bad if I didn't work for a hammer factory.

What did fruit loops say when launching their product to compete with cheerios?

Toucan play at that game

Pearl Jam just came out with a product that regulates women’s periods

They’re calling it Even Flow

Where do tyrants shop for palace improvement products?

Home Despot

A cruel and spiteful restauranteur whose restaurants only served Pepsi products, died suddenly, and was shocked to find himself in heaven

As he approached the pearly gates, St Peter cheerily asked, “Would hell be OK instead?”

I used to work in a car wash, but I wasn't very productive.

In hindsight, it probably wasn't the most practical place for a painter.

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I was studying about human digestion, assimilation and it's product.

It's all shit

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My friend regularly takes anti-diarrhea pills and claims it increases his work productivity, due to reduced trips to the restroom daily.

I think he's full of shit.

What ethnic group eats the most milk products per capita?

The Kurds

An Apple Factory in China is expected to cut production of iPhones by 18% in response to ongoing worker protests.

The workers' main demand is "more playtime".

Phil Swift has a new product

He puts on a pair of boots and says, " I present to you the FlexBoots! Now this product may seem like ordinary boots, but with these bad boys you can run up walls, on the ceiling!" He goes on to demonstrate them by walking on random surfaces. "To show you the power FlexBoots", the camera slowly zoo...

If Germans are so efficient and productive, why hasn't Germany built an unsinkable ship yet?

Because why would we waste our time building a ship if nobody has ever sought of it yet?

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Just saw a clever new product to treat diarrhea...

No-Shit Sure-Lock

LPT: Always read product reviews before buying electronics

Like a lot of people, I’ve been drawn in by Amazon to check out their prime day deals. I was browsing through the electronics earlier, looking for a new flash drive for transferring documents between my home and work computers. The primary one I use currently is only USB 2.0 and I figured it might ...

I’m banned for life from acting in our production of Romeo and Juliet, just because I misunderstood the stage directions.

It said, [Enter Juliet from the rear]

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So a 17 year old kid just got a job at a Everything-plus kind of store. The manager tells him that he needs to sell at least $500 of their products per week.

The manager comes a week later and asks the kid how much he made, and the kid says he made $100,000. The manager asks how he did it. So the kid says that a man came in on Friday needing some fishing lures, so he sold him the most expensive pack of lures. He then said to the man “ You’ll need a good ...

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The lead actress in the local theatre production of the "Diary of Anne Frank" was so awful

That in the scene where the Nazi officer enters and shouts

" Where isth she ? "

"In the attic" shouted half of the audience

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What do you call scat porn with poor production quality

A shit show

Two guy friends are planning how to market their new product

Friend 1: “Should I make a folded informative pamphlet that we can hand out to potential customers?”

Friend 2: “Bro, sure!”

I drove four hours to attend a beauty pageant for meat products today.

Turns out it was a Miss Steak.

Jello has created a product that deters insects.

It's very effective, but the flavor is OFF-pudding.

As a responsible employer, All my staff are in a 2 week quarantine.

Productivity is through the roof since nobody can leave the office.

Thank goodness Reddit is back up

I was almost productive for a second there!

A chap Tours a factory that produces latex products.

A chap is going on tour of a factory that produces latex products.
At the first stop, he's shown the machine that manufactures baby-bottle nipples. The machine makes a loud Hiss-Pop! noise.

"The hiss is the rubber being injected into the mold," explains the guide. "The popping sound is a ...

A dairy farmer walks in to his feed store and asks the clerk, "Has your product recently changed?"

"Same formula for two decades now" replies the clerk. "Why do you ask? Your cattle not eating?"

"No, it's not that. It's just that their flatulence has become unbearable. It used to not bother me, but it's got to the point that I can't even be in the barn without wearing a respirator."
<...

Scottish lawmakers recently voted to make menstrual products free

It's about bloody time.

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I sent a lot of meat product to a friends house

He got pissed off and called me out on all the spam

The new CEO wanted to teach about productivity

After gathering the managers he spoke at the importance of cutting out the fat, streamlining the company, numbers and projections against the crisis and the need for a more energetic administration. After that, they left for lunch.

While passing through the offices, the new CEO found a young...

I once appeared in a theatre production about a very popular web programming language

JavaScript?

No, it was entirely improvised.

Apple just came out with its latest product that disgusted everyone.

The I-cup.

Coinciding with each new iphone announcement I too roll out a similar product each year

I call it the Eye-roll.

My dad is trying to get me to invest in joke production.

I'm pretty sure it's a punzi scheme.

Breaking news: Philadelphia Cream Cheese's New Ad Slams Competitor Brand's product!

It's just a regular smear campaign.

What is Russia's favorite imported product?

Ukraine.

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Land O Lakes just came out with a new product line

I was hoping for something butter, but there's only a margarinal difference

Why does Eric Clapton only buy apple products

Because his son had a bad experience with windows

A new type of product !

I opened a company selling land mines disguised as prayer mats. Prophets are going through the roof.

I head Thailand and Iraq are working together to create a new product.

It's called a Tie Rack

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What is Hitler's favourite beauty product?

Polish Remover

When is a product with 70% less salt a bad thing?

When you're buying salt.

What dairy product is the most revered?

Swiss cheese, after all it's the holeist!

What do you call a feminine hygiene product from the 1800's?

A Period Pad

I bought a product that was supposed to turn me into an AC unit.

I’m not a fan.

I went to shark tank to offer a mixed meat product

I offered 20% steak

Why are Americans so obsessed with Apple Products?

Because they can't afford health insurance in the US

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My buddy started an amputee porn production company.

He calls it XYX.

What paper product speaks really quickly?

Wrapping paper.

What product do Jewish boys use most of their money on?

Lotion

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A porn production company finally hired me...

There was a lot of back and forth and I gave it my best shot!

You could say the smell of a new Apple product is...

Scent from my iPhone

Apple should be commended for using recycled materials in their products. Recycled plastics, recycled aluminum...

...even their phone designs are recycled

Bakeries often ask me to pose for promotional photos with their products.

Apparently I'm an excellent roll model

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