Twenty years from now, kids are gonna think "Baby it's cold outside" is really weird, and we're gonna have to explain that it has to be understood as a product of its time.

You see, it used to get cold outside

What do you call a factory that produces passable products?

A Satisfactory!

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Scotland recently became the first country to offer free sanitary products to all women.

Makes sense since all their politicians are just self-serving cunts.

I called to the toilet paper manufacturer to complain about a dysfunctional layer of the product...

They wouldn't re-ply.

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I sent a lot of meat product to a friends house

He got pissed off and called me out on all the spam

How did the ice cream man sell all of his melting product on a hot summer day?

He had a liquidation sale.

A university student was sent to help increase the production of apples in a village.

He went their and met a farmer. He pointed at a tree and asked,"is that tree yours?"
The farmer said,"yes."
The student asked,"How much apple did you get from that tree last year?"
The farmer replied,"not a single one."
The student happily said,"I knew it. The soil is of very poor qualit...

My friends and I were putting together a musical score for a production of Hamlet

Tuba or no tuba, that was the question

What do you call a feminine hygiene product from the 1800's?

A Period Pad

Tampex has announced they are replacing the string on their products with tinsel.

For the Christmas period.

I started a job making plastic Dracula figurines but there’s only two of us in the production line.

I have to make every second Count.

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10 Husbands, Still a Virgin.

A lawyer married a woman who had previously divorced ten husbands.

On their wedding night, she told her new husband, "Please be gentle, I'm still a virgin."

"What?" said the puzzled groom.

"How can that be if you've been married ten times?"

"Well, Husband #1 was a sal...

Did you hear that Goop's new line of hair care products made from guano turned out to be fake?

It was *sham*poo.

Why are Americans so obsessed with Apple Products?

Because they can't afford health insurance in the US

Hard to believe, but my girlfriend has a rare disease that makes her allergic to cosmetic products.

It’s true, this is something you can’t make up

Breaking news: Philadelphia Cream Cheese's New Ad Slams Competitor Brand's product!

It's just a regular smear campaign.

I find it wild that people would use cleaning products on their skeletons.

But to bleach their bone, I guess.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Just saw a clever new product to treat diarrhea...

No-Shit Sure-Lock

What's it called when a drug dealer tests his products?

A business trip.

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Land O Lakes just came out with a new product line

I was hoping for something butter, but there's only a margarinal difference

The day Microsoft makes a product that doesn't suck...

Is the day they make a vacuum cleaner.

Apple just came out with its latest product that disgusted everyone.

The I-cup.

Goodwill has announced they will no longer accept donations of vape or tobacco products

Clothes, but no cigar.

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It's not easy being a pill tester at the Viagra production facility...

The workers are always hard at work.

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Bovine Economics

Basic Economics, brought up to date...



\*\*SOCIALISM\*\*



You have 2 cows.



You give one to your neighbor.



The government charges a gift tax.







\*\*COMMUNISM\*\*



You have 2 cows.



The...

I get drunk with power uninstalling microsoft products. I don't do it all the time..

just when I need to take the Edge off.

Have you heard of the new Apple Product designed to protect your eyes?

It's called iLid

Beyonce was just telling me the best way to source product for my new pillow-making side-hustle. I was very surprised when she suggested punching a duck in the face.

I replied - I didn't know you could get down like that.

Everything you need to know about Australia

I REALLY hope these are true


These were posted on an Australian Tourism Website and the answers are the actual responses by the website officials, who obviously have a great sense of humour (not to mention a low tolerance threshold for stupid questions!)


\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\...

What do you call a child born from incest?

Gross Domestic Product

A man stopped me in the street yesterday

And asked "what grooming products do you use?"

"Haribo's and Facebook works every time" I said.

Why is the Great Wall of China considered one of the seven wonders of the world?

Because it is an actual long-lasting Chinese product.

I tell my wife to buy good quality products but she always gets cheap junk.

The only thing in our house that doesn't suck is the vacuum cleaner.

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Two scientists are testing out their newly created products.

Scientist 1: You know its inhumane to test our products on animals, right?

Scientist 2: What are you talking about? Shampoo companies do it all the time!

Scientist 1: Yeah, but we make dildos.

‘Whaling is the hunting of whales for their usable products such as meat and blubber.’

\[ CETACEAN NEEDED \]

My new girlfriend told me she doesn’t eat dairy products.

I said “No whey!”

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Wow.. I don't know what this world is coming to....

Today I was offered sex with a very attractive 21yr old girl...in exchange I was supposed to advertise some sort of bathroom cleaning product to my reddit friends. I couldn't do it tho because of my high morals and strong will power. Just as strong as AJOX the super strong bathroom cleaner, now avai...

What did the tickle me elmo get when he left the production line?

Two test tickles.

Milk production at a dairy farm was low, so the farmer wrote to the local university, asking for help from academia.

A multidisciplinary team of professors was assembled, headed by a theoretical physicist, and two weeks of intensive on-site investigation took place. The scholars then returned to the university, notebooks crammed with data, where the task of writing the report was left to the team leader. Shortly t...

Apple made a new tablet computer catered towards children but had to abandon the product before it hit the market...

... market research deemed that "iTouch Kids" didn't go well with the target audience.

LPT: Always read product reviews before buying electronics

Like a lot of people, I’ve been drawn in by Amazon to check out their prime day deals. I was browsing through the electronics earlier, looking for a new flash drive for transferring documents between my home and work computers. The primary one I use currently is only USB 2.0 and I figured it might ...

Hey Alexa,

Can you check my bank balance and let me know which Apple product I can afford?

Alexa: Apple juice!

Did you hear about the stage production called “Dictionary”?

It’s a play on words.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

My girlfriend said that having sex all day isn’t productive.

And I said no, but it is reproductive.

Why don't Antivaxxers buy Panasonic products?

Because without a son it's just Panic

Damn girl are you an apple product?

Because you’re expensive and useless

What do you call an absurd comedic production that won’t end?

An unstoppable farce.

What is Thanos' favorite dairy product?

Half and Half

A detective goes to a metal manufacturing plant...

He is there to investigate the death of a factory owner. The man was an esteemed author and visionary, who unfortunately was crushed to death in his factory. The detective approaches a worker for information.

“What was the product of this facility?”

“The owner loved words, and was obs...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A guy from Apple promised me a pre-release of a new product if I sucked his cock this morning. As if I would compromise my values for such a materialistic item!

Sent from my iPhone XI

David and Shane worked for a small furniture company which had recently developed a new product.

They had been developing a new kind of smart shelf, and it was finally finished. This shelf had everything! Part of it featured a built in wireless charger, there were USB ports, part of it could flip up to reveal a screen which could be used as digital picture frame as well as had access to YouTube...

What is Pavlov's favorite hair product?

Conditioner

What did 2 say to 3 when they saw 6 act like an idiot?

Don’t mind him. He’s just a product of our times.

Apple needs to come up with a new creative naming scheme for their products...

You know what iMean?

I'm boycotting apple products.

Because they're taking away work from all those doctors.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A salesman trying to sell vacuum cleaners knocks on the door and the mother answers

Before she can say two words, the salesman pushes past her and throws a bag of horse shit on the carpet. The mother is understandably furious.

\- What the HELL do you think you're doing?!

The salesman doesn't lose his composure, after all, he's confident in his product.

\- Ma'am...

Milk, cheese and yogurt may be different products

But their origins are udderly similar.

Seems like there are very few products made in America any more. I just bought a TV and it said,

Built in Antenna.

A blonde woman walks into a department store

She sees a product on display and asks an employee what it is. "that's a thermos, ma'am. It keeps hot things hot, and cold things cold." She thinks it's fantastic and buys one.

She goes into work the next day. Her blonde coworker sees the thermos and asks her what it is. "It's a thermos. It k...

Despite the fact that whenever I eat any products with wheat in I get stomach cramps, I still regularly enjoy consuming it.

You could say that I'm a gluten for pun-ishment.

Product testing

Manager : Guys we need to stop testing on animals
Supervisor : But Shampoo companies have been doing it for years
Manager : Yeah, but we make hydraulic presses.

I am 100% behind Christianity and Biblical study being a part of the American education system

This way, we will have a steady production of atheists.

Why does Eric Clapton only buy apple products

Because his son had a bad experience with windows

Talking about a one-dimensional space isn't always productive

But it's usually not pointless

Studies show the average worker is productive for 2 hours in an 8 hour work day...

...I totally disagree, because it’s hard work trying to not get caught doing nothing by your boss.

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What do you call it when you get your dick stuck in an Apple product?

A Steve Job

The Apple iCar production has stalled

There’s been a lack of Jobs

Funny (true) story

I drove 250 miles to see my son and his family over Christmas. He knows he's getting my car when I die (I'm terminal, but no telling when) so he checks it out every time he sees it. It's well taken care of; 275,000 miles and I keep it spotless and running perfectly.

He was checking the oil, a...

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[NSFW] Gordon Ramsey: "F***ing hell, this tastes like someone shat on a piece of meat and then served it raw. What the f*** are you thinking asking me to eat this?"

"Gordon, if you don't want to give me oral sex, just say so. Don't make a production out of it." - His wife.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

My buddy started an amputee porn production company.

He calls it XYX.

You know why deaf people don't buy new products?

They've never heard of them

when the cops raided the warehouse, the crack dealers were fast asleep while production was going on

this was a case of a rested development.

What did Yoda say about the musical theater production that he hated?

"LAME IS."



Happy Star Wars Day.

Been sitting in the ER all night. Don’t really want to go into details but...

The “Dyson Ball Cleaner” has a very misleading product name

What do you call a baby born out of incest?

...a gross domestic product.

Credit to u/frosty_biscuits, u/Geolassie, and u/mylifeintopieces1 for collectively arriving at this joke in a roast thread.

My first attempt at writing a joke, please take it easy on me.

A man walks into a candy shop, as he is perusing around the shop he notices the shopkeep waving him over to the counter. Not sure what he is really looking for he makes his way over to the counter to see if the shopkeep can be of any assistance.

Man: I'm not quite sure what I'm looking for, n...

My company has just decided we won’t test our products on animals anymore

We make hammers.

Phil Swift has a new product

He puts on a pair of boots and says, " I present to you the FlexBoots! Now this product may seem like ordinary boots, but with these bad boys you can run up walls, on the ceiling!" He goes on to demonstrate them by walking on random surfaces. "To show you the power FlexBoots", the camera slowly zoo...

Janet Jackson wanted to sample a Future song so she asked his production company if she could use Beast Mode. The production company sent a representative to her door with a CD. She asked if it was Beast Mode

The representative said “Sorry Ms. Jackson, this is Fo Real”

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

There's plenty of jobs in the porn industry when you have a cock like mine.

Camera man, light and sound technician, make up artist, or even production manager.

I’m banned for life from acting in our production of Romeo and Juliet, just because I misunderstood the stage directions.

It said, [Enter Juliet from the rear]

Why do apple products bend so easily?

Because they're made for flexing.

I endorse podiums

That’s a product I can stand behind!

-Norm Macdonald

I decided to go vegan after visiting the meat production factory.

The livestock conditions were appalling.
The process involving production of Meatballs and Salami was bad.
But wait till you see the one of German sausage. It was the wurst.

Edit : Sweden has already decided to bring in regulations. I'd say they are ahead of the korv.

I went on shark tank to sell a mixed meat product

I offered 20% steak

Apple is developing a product—invented by Bart Simpson—that cleans your vehicle.

The iCaroomba

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

My boss called me into his office..

... to complain that I was testing the company's products on animals.

I said "Shampoo companies do it all the time."

He said, "Yes, but we make dildoes"

Did you hear about that girl who keeps emailing nudes into the Black Mirror production office?

...well they 'bandersnatch'

A marketing team had to make a Coca-Cola ad for Arabia

So they sent their best man on the job. When he came back, they saw that the campaign failed miserably and nobody was buying the product. So the team asked him what happened. He explained:

We made a billboard with three images. On the first one, there is a person that is very unhealthy and a...

Apple just announced a new line of hidden camera surveillance products, including a glass that sits on your bathroom sink.

They're calling it The iCup.

What do you get when you cross a joke with a celestial Greek dairy product?

Apollo cheese for the punchline.

What product do Jewish boys use most of their money on?

Lotion

I lost my job in the abacus factory.

They said all my hard work was counter-productive.

How do you milk a sheep?

Put an apple logo on your product.

I once went to theatre for a surprise...

As I sat down with my friend we eagerly awaiting what was promised to be an amazing, thought provoking production, acclaimed to bring us a better understanding of the world around us.

The lights darkened and the curtain rose, on the stage sat a single chair, and a thick book, a man came on st...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Elon Musk and Bill Gates created a penis enlargement product.

They called it Elongate.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

It's a good thing they shut down production of House of Cards

It's be too unrealistic to have someone playing the US president who has been accused of sexual misconduct.

Jeff Bezos uses his own product

that's why he's replacing his wife with a mail order bride.

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