In solidarity with much of the world pulling Russian products off the shelves ...

In solidarity with much of the world pulling Russian products off the shelves and banning them from events, I will do my part and not play Russian Roulette for the foreseeable future.

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What product is actually great even though it sounds like scammy shit?

Shampoo.

I once wrote an entire theater production based on puns.

It was a play on words.

What ethnic group eats the most milk products per capita?

The Kurds

Where do tyrants shop for palace improvement products?

Home Despot

A new product idea

A guy walks into a bar and orders a beer. "Have you decided what you want for Christmas?" the bartender asks. "Yeah, I think I really would like one of those mind-controlled air fresheners," the guy replies. "It just makes sense when you think about it."

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Did you know? In Marseille, they actually give you a certificate with every souvenir you buy, as a means of demonstrating that it's a genuine product of southern France.

It's proven Provence province provenance.

A boss and his employee are discussing the testing of their products

Employee : we have got to stop testing our products on animals

Boss : oh yeah ? Other companies do it all the time , so why shouldn't we ?

Employee : yeah that's good and all but we make hammers

When I was young, I thought rich people bought Bose products and the rest of us had to settle for Sony.

Turns out — that was just a stereotype.

What do you call an MLM with a product that's actually worth buying?

A cartel.

Northern europeans are good with car production

Because only with them is a car truly finnished

After a group of scientists invented a tasteless orally ingestible Covid vaccine they had a meeting to decide which products would be best to put it in to get to finally get to 100% coverage in America.

Ranch dressing will get 98% and Horse dewormer paste to cover the last 2%

If Germans are so efficient and productive, why hasn't Germany built an unsinkable ship yet?

Because why would we waste our time building a ship if nobody has ever sought of it yet?

Apple is releasing a new product called the iKnife.

It's cutting edge technology.

What do you call a factory that makes just "ok" products?

A Satisfactory

My dad is trying to get me to invest in joke production.

I'm pretty sure it's a punzi scheme.

Apple should be commended for using recycled materials in their products. Recycled plastics, recycled aluminum...

...even their phone designs are recycled

Why do kinky people who are into objectification prefer free products over paid ones?

If you are not paying for the product, you *are* the product.

Prepare three envelopes

Morris had just been hired as the new CEO of a large high tech corporation. The CEO who was stepping down met with him privately and presented him with three envelopes number 1, 2 and 3. "Open these if you run up against a problem you don't think you can solve," the departing CEO said.

Things...

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My friend regularly takes anti-diarrhea pills and claims it increases his work productivity, due to reduced trips to the restroom daily.

I think he's full of shit.

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I'm a building contractor, recently I was hired to create a new set for a porn production company and told I have free reign over its design.

I was never a big fan of porn and was concerned I wouldn't be able to create a suitable set for such productions without guidance, but the client reassured me

"If you build it, they will come."

What do you call instructions on how to assemble multiple Ikea products into a single unit?

A Svenn Diagram

It's obvious Bill Gates didn't create COVID

none of his other products are able to release new versions this frequently

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What’s one product Microsoft can never put their name on?

Boner Pills !

Bought a shop vac online, but they rejected my product review as "too ambiguous"

I said that it didn't suck

Twenty years from now, kids are gonna think "Baby it's cold outside" is really weird, and we're gonna have to explain that it has to be understood as a product of its time.

You see, it used to get cold outside

Mayonnaise

In 1912, the Titanic sank and everyone still talks about it to this day.

But only weeks after the incident, another ship fell victim to the harsh ocean. This was a large cargo ship that contains various products that were supposed to be delivered to Mexico, among them were sugar, coffee beans...

I'm performing in a theatrical production of the dictionary this weekend

Its a play on words..

I would be very productive, but I keep being distracted by two things.

Anything and everything.

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Why do Chinese people love IPhones and Apple products?

Because the greatest gifts are the ones your children made.

(inspired by u/lorenzomofo 's comment on a
r/nextfuckinglevel post)

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What do you call scat porn with poor production quality

A shit show

I have a theory as to why the Cybertruck is taking so long to get in production:

They are experiencing an Elon-gated Delay!

Chrysler is introducing a new car to its line-up to honour Donald Trump

The Dodge Drafter will go into production in Canada this year.

I’m banned for life from acting in our production of Romeo and Juliet, just because I misunderstood the stage directions.

It said, [Enter Juliet from the rear]

I learned the other day that a group of baboons is called a Congress

I found it extremely insulting to the hard work and productivity of baboons.

My friend and I just opened a bakery!

As an opening day special we added a sugary coating to all products at no extra charge.

We came out all buns glazing!

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I am sick and tired of companies advertising lies to sell their products

My father said this after watching Condom Advertisement.

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So a 17 year old kid just got a job at a Everything-plus kind of store. The manager tells him that he needs to sell at least $500 of their products per week.

The manager comes a week later and asks the kid how much he made, and the kid says he made $100,000. The manager asks how he did it. So the kid says that a man came in on Friday needing some fishing lures, so he sold him the most expensive pack of lures. He then said to the man “ You’ll need a good ...

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Headline: Quenched Dench benched for a French wench finch pinch.

Press Release \[Paris\]:
Legendary actress "Dame Judi", reportedly intoxicated, was suspended from her current production for allegedly stealing a Paris prostitute's pet bird.

Scientists have recently discovered that 3 out of 5 habitual marijuana users developed over productive saliva glands.

When asked if anything can be done, one leading scientist advised, "Yes, you can either spit, or get off the pot".

Bakeries often ask me to pose for promotional photos with their products.

Apparently I'm an excellent roll model

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What is the name of Trump's new Viagra product?

'RIGGED ERECTION!!!'

Salesman John

John was appointed as sales person at a local store in London.

While on one of his shifts, a lady approached him and asked if they had 'Peach Jam' to which he bluntly replied, "Out of stock."

At this, the lady immediately turned to leave the shop in disgruntlement.

It was then t...

I've got a job making plastic dracular figures but there's only two of us on the production line.

I have to make every second count

Yo mama so dumb,

She got fired from the M&M's production line for throwing away the W's

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The problem with the baker

A medieval village far, far from the nearest town. The inhabitants of the village noticed that the quality of their bread has been dropping to the point of it being almost inedible. There was only one baker in the village, so they had no alternative to buying his product. They decided to throw a fol...

I heard people are getting paid to mention companies and do product placement in their Reddit posts!

That's almost as crazy as the discounts at Jez's Furniture Emporium. Sale this weekend

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[Long] A lawyer married a woman who had previously divorced 10 husbands. On their wedding night, she told her new husband, "Please be gentle, I'm still a virgin

A lawyer married a woman who had previously divorced 10 husbands. On their wedding night, she told her new husband, "Please be gentle, I'm still a virgin."
"What?" said the puzzled groom. "How can that be if you've been married 10 times?"
"Well, Husband #1 was a sales representative. He kept...

I’m becoming one of those people who spends all of their money on apple products.

I’m addicted to cider.

A new invention

An inventor walks into a bar and orders a bottle of champagne. "Let's celebrate!" the inventor tells the bartender. "My latest invention is finally in production and will be on the market soon ... just in time for this crazy cold snap that is coming next week." "What is it?" the bartender asks. "It'...

I was fired from a bakery...

Their packaging says their products are "made with love" and they said I was only making them with "like."

Scottish lawmakers recently voted to make menstrual products free

It's about bloody time.

Pearl Jam just came out with a product that regulates women’s periods

They’re calling it Even Flow

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What did Dr. Watson name the product he invented to successfully cure his partner’s chronic diarrhea?

No shit Sherlock

Me- Alexa check my bank balance and tell me which apple product can I buy?

Alexa- apple juice

Yankee candle, known for its fragranced candle line of products has revealed it is making an odourless candle for the first time ever

It makes no scents

The day Microsoft makes a product that doesn't suck...

Is the day they make a vacuum cleaner.

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Farmer Greg

A seasoned farmer named Greg had finally mastered his craft. He toiled day and night to understand every detail to growing the perfect crop. After 30 years he had made enough money to retire, but Greg wanted more. He wanted local recognition and fame.


So he decided to grow the state’s ...

Here at Anon's Gas Station, we stand behind our products 100%.

It's exhausting work, but very fuel-filling.

Apple just announced their next groundbreaking product

The iShovel

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A man with a tendency to over-explain things lays on his therapist's couch.

The therapist says “I have a new exercise for you today. Instead of spending an hour talking about your day, try to tell me the essentials of what happened in one breath.”
The patient agrees and takes a deep breath

“So they cast Callie Hernandez as Supergirl and I’m not sure if it was th...

I grew worried when my programmer wife hadn't come out of her office all day.

I entered found her hunched over her laptop. "Honey, everything okay?"

"I'm working on a production defect!" she replied, not looking away from her screen.

"I know how those are!" I sympathized, and left her to concentrate.

An hour later she came downstairs in tears, flushed. Sh...

What's the difference between a product made in Mexico and a product made in America?

One is made by a Mexican, while the other is made by a Mexican immigrant.

I just realized today Jack and the Beanstalk is a communist story.

It’s all about seizing the beans of production.

In the 90s, it had become pretty hip to include just one or two minorities in a Hollywood movie.

One studio always put just one Black guy in each of their movies as a diversity hire. You know, the clerk at a convenience store, some guy in the background, one of the protagonist's lesser of many friends. Someone who wouldn't get a lot of screen time, would probably die first.

During a 1994...

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There is a factory in Northern Minnesota which makes the Tickle Me Elmo toys.

The toy laughs when you tickle it under the arms. Well, Lena is hired at The Tickle Me Elmo factory and she reports for her first day promptly at 8:00 AM.

The next day at 8:45 AM there is a knock at the Personnel Manager's door. The Foreman throws open the door and begins to rant about the n...

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Very bad product name

Did you guys hear that Apple scrapped its idea for an iPod touch for children when they realized that iTouch Kids would be a bad product name?

A farmer owned a nice car which would get ruined because his chickens kept pecking the hood.

A farmer owned a nice car which would get ruined because his chickens kept pecking the hood.
After several weeks of fuming at his chickens for making scratches and small dents in the hood of his car he decided to find a solution.
Coincidentally a salesperson came by his house and offered a s...

What do plumbers and economists have in common?

They both deal with gross domestic product.

The Dyson Ball Vacuum…

Is a horribly misleading name for this product.

When did the beautiful woman realize she needed to stop buying so many products online?

When the mailman started referring to her as the Amazon woman.

If Trump wins a second term he will halt all shredded cheese production.

He is going to make Americans grate again . . .

Facebook is now Meta

What is the only Meta product worth using?
>!Mucil!<

was at a restaurant the other day and overheard this conversation. Customer: "I don't eat honey, eggs, cheese, dairy or any meat products. What can I get?"

Waiter: "You can get the hell out of here"

even though coffee is more acidic, all Starbucks coffee products have a pH of 14

Extremely basic

A group of foreign computer peripheral manufacturers, unhappy with tariffs placed on their products by the United States, plans on starting their own country, which will compete with America.

They will call it USB.

I feel I'm quite a cosmopolitan man, so I'm not phased if I have to buy sanitary products

But, apparently, they're not a 'proper' present

A chap Tours a factory that produces latex products.

A chap is going on tour of a factory that produces latex products.
At the first stop, he's shown the machine that manufactures baby-bottle nipples. The machine makes a loud Hiss-Pop! noise.

"The hiss is the rubber being injected into the mold," explains the guide. "The popping sound is a ...

Do you know why Germans build such high-quality products?

So they won't have to go around being nice while they fix them.

A farmer friend of mine got jailed for excessive hay production

I had to bale him out

The new CEO wanted to teach about productivity

After gathering the managers he spoke at the importance of cutting out the fat, streamlining the company, numbers and projections against the crisis and the need for a more energetic administration. After that, they left for lunch.

While passing through the offices, the new CEO found a young...

I've invented an exciting new product. Say goodbye to noise-cancelling headphones...

...and say hello to noise-cancelling megaphones!

What did the Scottish lass say when she heard there would be universal free period products? Everyone! All together now!

“It’s about bloody time!”

I wanted to take this moment to say that I endorse podiums.

Now that’s a product I can stand behind.

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The latest product out is Viagra-infused whisky.

It's for people that need a stiff drink.

Let's go way back ...

A salesman really sold me on the their new product. I bought one immediately.

The next day at lunch the guys were admiring my new purchase. "What is it?", they asked.

"It's called a "thermos". The salesman told me that it keeps hot things hot and cold things cold, so of course I bou...

Why can't you make phone calls on a banana?

They're apple products!

My grandma told me this one

A butcher goes to a barber for a haircut. When it’s time to pay, the barber declines, saying “I’m feeling generous today, you don’t need to pay for this one”

The next morning someone knocks on the barber’s door. When he opens, it turns out to be the butcher, carrying some sausages and other m...

Just launched a new product; a corduroy pillow.

It's already making headlines.

I set up a production business for oils that clear up colds and nasal blockages.

An olfactory oil factory

My father was a countertop salesman. He moved a lot of product, but eventually went out of business because of his charitable nature.

He never took anything for granite.

Milk that cow..

Three handsome crop farmers (brunette, redhead, and blonde) liked the same farm-girl. The farm-girl had a big dairy farm.

One day the three farmer friends decided to ask her, who she would like to go out with. Since they were all very handsome, the farm-girl had a hard time deciding, so she ...

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What do you call it when you get your dick stuck in an Apple product?

A Steve Job

Apple just announced three new products: a competitor to Fleshlight, a brand of eyeglasses, and a real-time strategy game.

iCame, iSaw, iConquered

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Simple Economics

SOCIALISMYou have 2 cows.You give one to your neighbour

COMMUNISMYou have 2 cows.The State takes both and gives you some milk

FASCISMYou have 2 cows.The State takes both and sells you some milk

NAZISMYou have 2 cows.The State takes both and shoots you

BUREAUCRATISMYou hav...

If you sneeze on a calculator when you're doing a multiplication equation inside of your house, do you now have a Gross Domestic Product?

*sorry I know I tried way too hard with this lol*

There once was a retired engineer who is asked to come fix a major malfunction in a company’s product.

He comes in, turns on a simple switch, and the unit works perfectly. He bills for $101,000.

“How could you possibly charge that much!” said his old boss.

“Simple,” the old man responded. “It’s $1 for the labor of flipping the switch—and $100,999 for knowing which switch to flip.”

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I was studying about human digestion, assimilation and it's product.

It's all shit

The Apple Store in my city was looted and thieves took off with $100K worth of products.

Police make no arrests and say they were were able to recover both computers.

E-commerce company Alibaba Group announced that they are developing a password manager. Jack Ma has revealed that it will be open-source, a first for the company.

The product will tentatively be named OpenSesame.

How Old

His wife had just bought a new line of expensive cosmetics absolutely guaranteed to make her looks years longer. She sat in front of the mirror for what had to be hours applying the "miracle" products.

Finally, when she was done, she turned to her husband and said, "Honey, honestly now, what...

Apple made a new tablet computer catered towards children but had to abandon the product before it hit the market...

... market research deemed that "iTouch Kids" didn't go well with the target audience.

I bought a product that was supposed to turn me into an AC unit.

I’m not a fan.

What is Pavlov's favorite hair product?

Conditioner

Why are people buying out all the pasta/macaroni products?

Because when you are in lockdown.. A nice bowl can pasta time quicker

80% of Swedish nationals report enjoying the lockdown despite having initially rejecting it. They say it makes them more productive.

Personally, I think it’s just a case of Stuckhome syndrome.

Thank goodness Reddit is back up

I was almost productive for a second there!

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Scotland recently became the first country to offer free sanitary products to all women.

Makes sense since all their politicians are just self-serving cunts.

Is that cow from Minsk?

A small village in Russia had a cow that was able to produce enough milk for the village. She produced like a machine, until one day she started producing less and less. Realizing that her production was going to cease, the villagers asked their Rabbi for advice.

"You should go to the place ...

My CTO punished me for not having my new critical changes on production

All for the crime that I didn't commit.

I saw a stage production of "The Three Pigs" yesterday.

The pigs were pretty boaring, but the wolf really brought down the house.

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