Twenty years from now, kids are gonna think "Baby it's cold outside" is really weird, and we're gonna have to explain that it has to be understood as a product of time

You see, it used to get cold outside

Employee: We should stop testing our products on animals.

Boss: Why? Shampoo companies do it all the time!

Employee: Yeah but we make hammers...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Two scientists are testing out their newly created products.

Scientist 1: You know its inhumane to test our products on animals, right?

Scientist 2: What are you talking about? Shampoo companies do it all the time!

Scientist 1: Yeah, but we make dildos.

I get drunk with power uninstalling microsoft products. I don't do it all the time..

just when I need to take the Edge off.

LPT: Always read product reviews before buying electronics

Like a lot of people, I’ve been drawn in by Amazon to check out their prime day deals. I was browsing through the electronics earlier, looking for a new flash drive for transferring documents between my home and work computers. The primary one I use currently is only USB 2.0 and I figured it might ...

What do you call a factory that sells good products?

A satisfactory.

The day Microsoft makes a product that doesn't suck...

Is the day they make a vacuum cleaner.

An inspector is going around the village, reviewing all the arrow-makers and their products. When the inspector reaches John the arrow-maker John tells him: "You know, these arrows are probably the worst in town. I'm really bad at putting the feathers on the end. I'm decent at the rest though."

The inspector looks up and replies: "Weird fletch but ok"

My new girlfriend told me she doesn’t eat dairy products.

I said “No whey!”

‘Whaling is the hunting of whales for their usable products such as meat and blubber.’

\[ CETACEAN NEEDED \]

I tell my wife to buy good quality products but she always gets cheap junk.

The only thing in our house that doesn't suck is the vacuum cleaner.

Why don't Antivaxxers buy Panasonic products?

Because without a son it's just Panic

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A guy from Apple promised me a pre-release of a new product if I sucked his cock this morning. As if I would compromise my values for such a materialistic item!

Sent from my iPhone XI

Damn girl are you an apple product?

Because you’re expensive and useless

What is Thanos' favorite dairy product?

Half and Half

Product testing

Manager : Guys we need to stop testing on animals
Supervisor : But Shampoo companies have been doing it for years
Manager : Yeah, but we make hydraulic presses.

A pharmaceutical company specializing in nature-based products …

… was investigating reports that the bark of the Ningwood tree had the potential to help men with urinary incontinence. They tried different doses and found that the highest levels did result in some relief. In a press release about the trials they noted that more Ningwood makes it hard to pee.

David and Shane worked for a small furniture company which had recently developed a new product.

They had been developing a new kind of smart shelf, and it was finally finished. This shelf had everything! Part of it featured a built in wireless charger, there were USB ports, part of it could flip up to reveal a screen which could be used as digital picture frame as well as had access to YouTube...

Milk, cheese and yogurt may be different products

But their origins are udderly similar.

Apple made a new tablet computer catered towards children but had to abandon the product before it hit the market...

... market research deemed that "iTouch Kids" didn't go well with the target audience.

What do you call the misguided act of worshipping mediocre products at rock-bottom prices?

I-Dollar-Tree

Seems like there are very few products made in America any more. I just bought a TV and it said,

Built in Antenna.

Apple needs to come up with a new creative naming scheme for their products...

You know what iMean?

I'm boycotting apple products.

Because they're taking away work from all those doctors.

Despite the fact that whenever I eat any products with wheat in I get stomach cramps, I still regularly enjoy consuming it.

You could say that I'm a gluten for pun-ishment.

You know why deaf people don't buy new products?

They've never heard of them

Phil Swift has a new product

He puts on a pair of boots and says, " I present to you the FlexBoots! Now this product may seem like ordinary boots, but with these bad boys you can run up walls, on the ceiling!" He goes on to demonstrate them by walking on random surfaces. "To show you the power FlexBoots", the camera slowly zoo...

I went on shark tank to sell a mixed meat product

I offered 20% steak

Why does Eric Clapton only buy apple products

Because his son had a bad experience with windows

Apple is developing a product—invented by Bart Simpson—that cleans your vehicle.

The iCaroomba

Did you hear that Rand McNally is trying to increase product sales by hiding evidence of a flat Earth?

Yes. It’s a global conspiracy.

What is Pavlov's favorite hair product?

Conditioner

Why do apple products bend so easily?

Because they're made for flexing.

My company has just decided we won’t test our products on animals anymore

We make hammers.

What do you get when you cross a joke with a celestial Greek dairy product?

Apollo cheese for the punchline.

Apple just announced a new line of hidden camera surveillance products, including a glass that sits on your bathroom sink.

They're calling it The iCup.

Apparently people are getting paid now to mention products in their social media posts

That’s as crazy as the discounts at Dave’s furniture Emporium.

What product do Jewish boys use most of their money on?

Lotion

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What do you call it when you get your dick stuck in an Apple product?

A Steve Job

Saw a guy come racing out of our local flower shop, arms full of random product. Then the shop owner rushed out after him. I couldn't help, so I just yelled encouragement to her:

"Run, florist! Run!"

Jello has created a product that deters insects.

It's very effective, but the flavor is OFF-pudding.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What penis enlargement product would Bill Gates and Elon Musk make?

Elongate

Why do Canadians prefer Apple and Logitech products?

Because they are so apple-lo-gitech

What's it called when someone messes with unpurchased product in central Florida?

Tamper Bay

Cigars are most ecological product in world.

It kills pollution directly from source.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

My city is handing out free healthcare products to women,

Free tampons? No strings attached.

Asked to give a statement after a cigarette sparked a fire that burned down a sweatshop where their products were being made, Old Navy replied:

"It's a travesty. It's a truly, horrific travesty. Nobody should be allowed to sell cigarettes to children that age!"

I've heard all the environmental activists' arguments for banning plastic products...

and they're really just grasping at straws.

I drove four hours to attend a beauty pageant for meat products today.

Turns out it was a Miss Steak.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

While in town today I saw a homeless woman and I remembered seeing something on facebook about giving them feminine products instead of money.

Feeling suddenly very generous I rushed into Boots and two minutes later presented the homeless woman with a carrier bag.

She thanked me, looked in the bag and with tears in her eyes asked me.


"Where the fuck am I going to plug an iron in?"

A dairy farmer walks in to his feed store and asks the clerk, "Has your product recently changed?"

"Same formula for two decades now" replies the clerk. "Why do you ask? Your cattle not eating?"

"No, it's not that. It's just that their flatulence has become unbearable. It used to not bother me, but it's got to the point that I can't even be in the barn without wearing a respirator."
<...

I just bought this hair product that uses bat guano.

It's supposed to get rid of dandruff, but it didn't work!

Turns out it's just sham poo.

You could say the smell of a new Apple product is...

Scent from my iPhone

A revolutionary new product allows fathers to share a mother's pain during labour.

Mr Smith is happy to try it out and help his pregnant wife, and when the special day arrives, he tells the nurse to strap him up.

"Mr Smith, you are a very brave man. The machine has 10 settings, starting at the very manageable level 1, and going up to level 10, which will give you all of yo...

My employer has recently started testing their products on animals.

I guess it wouldn't be so bad if I didn't work for a hammer factory.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What do you do when a feminine hygiene product catches on fire?

You throw it on the ground and tampon it.

Why do Microsoft products cost money?

You gotta pay the Bill

Teacher: What are some products of the West Indies?

Student: I don't know.
Teacher: Of course, you do. Where do you get sugar from?
Student: We borrow it from our neighbor.

Apple fitness products don't work.

I tried the iHop and it only made me gain weight.

A brand new store has just opened in New York City that sells Husbands.

When women go to choose a husband, they have to follow the instructions at the entrance:

"You may visit this store ONLY ONCE! There are 6 floors and the value of the products increase as you ascend the flights. You may choose any item from a particular floor or may choose to go up to the nex...

What do you call someone that doesn’t eat animal products and loves to gamble?

A Las Vegan

People buying Apple products are so dumb.

Sent from my iPhone.

I've been stealing products from the hygiene store

I need to come clean

Why do people think its a good idea to buy natural products?

After all, isn't the leading reason for deaths "natural causes"?

My first attempt at writing a joke, please take it easy on me.

A man walks into a candy shop, as he is perusing around the shop he notices the shopkeep waving him over to the counter. Not sure what he is really looking for he makes his way over to the counter to see if the shopkeep can be of any assistance.

Man: I'm not quite sure what I'm looking for, n...

How do you milk a sheep?

Put an apple logo on your product.

When is a product with 70% less salt a bad thing?

When you're buying salt.

EA finally to publish a good product

Working title «Annual Sales Report», coming December 31.

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