Twenty years from now, kids are gonna think "Baby it's cold outside" is really weird, and we're gonna have to explain that it has to be understood as a product of its time.

You see, it used to get cold outside

What do you call a factory that sells good products?

A satisfactory.

The day Microsoft makes a product that doesn't suck...

Is the day they make a vacuum cleaner.

So I brought a P30 to school, and kids made fun of me for it not being an Apple product

I told my mom and she said "Its ok son, we will upgrade you to a P80 so you do not get made fun off"

I then P80 to school, yet they still made fun of me for it not being an Apple product.

But they won't make fun of me when I bring my P90...

PETA, in an attempt to improve its terrible public image, is launching a new, green plastic product line.

Everything is made from 100% recycled pet.

Why don't Antivaxxers buy Panasonic products?

Because without a son it's just Panic

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A guy from Apple promised me a pre-release of a new product if I sucked his cock this morning. As if I would compromise my values for such a materialistic item!

Sent from my iPhone XI

Product testing

Manager : Guys we need to stop testing on animals
Supervisor : But Shampoo companies have been doing it for years
Manager : Yeah, but we make hydraulic presses.

Damn girl are you an apple product?

Because you’re expensive and useless

David and Shane worked for a small furniture company which had recently developed a new product.

They had been developing a new kind of smart shelf, and it was finally finished. This shelf had everything! Part of it featured a built in wireless charger, there were USB ports, part of it could flip up to reveal a screen which could be used as digital picture frame as well as had access to YouTube...

My new girlfriend told me she doesn’t eat dairy products.

I said “No whey!”

What do you call the misguided act of worshipping mediocre products at rock-bottom prices?

I-Dollar-Tree

Milk, cheese and yogurt may be different products

But their origins are udderly similar.

I'm boycotting apple products.

Because they're taking away work from all those doctors.

Seems like there are very few products made in America any more. I just bought a TV and it said,

Built in Antenna.

Apple made a new tablet computer catered towards children but had to abandon the product before it hit the market...

... market research deemed that "iTouch Kids" didn't go well with the target audience.

Apple needs to come up with a new creative naming scheme for their products...

You know what iMean?

Did you hear that Rand McNally is trying to increase product sales by hiding evidence of a flat Earth?

Yes. It’s a global conspiracy.

What is Thanos' favorite dairy product?

Half and Half

Phil Swift has a new product

He puts on a pair of boots and says, " I present to you the FlexBoots! Now this product may seem like ordinary boots, but with these bad boys you can run up walls, on the ceiling!" He goes on to demonstrate them by walking on random surfaces. "To show you the power FlexBoots", the camera slowly zoo...

Despite the fact that whenever I eat any products with wheat in I get stomach cramps, I still regularly enjoy consuming it.

You could say that I'm a gluten for pun-ishment.

I went on shark tank to sell a mixed meat product

I offered 20% steak

Apple is developing a product—invented by Bart Simpson—that cleans your vehicle.

The iCaroomba

Why does Eric Clapton only buy apple products

Because his son had a bad experience with windows

My company has just decided we won’t test our products on animals anymore

We make hammers.

You know why deaf people don't buy new products?

They've never heard of them

What do you get when you cross a joke with a celestial Greek dairy product?

Apollo cheese for the punchline.

What is Pavlov's favorite hair product?

Conditioner

What product do Jewish boys use most of their money on?

Lotion

Apparently people are getting paid now to mention products in their social media posts

That’s as crazy as the discounts at Dave’s furniture Emporium.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Why is semen good as hair product

Because its palm made

Cigars are most ecological product in world.

It kills pollution directly from source.

Apple just announced a new line of hidden camera surveillance products, including a glass that sits on your bathroom sink.

They're calling it The iCup.

Saw a guy come racing out of our local flower shop, arms full of random product. Then the shop owner rushed out after him. I couldn't help, so I just yelled encouragement to her:

"Run, florist! Run!"

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What do you call it when you get your dick stuck in an Apple product?

A Steve Job

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What penis enlargement product would Bill Gates and Elon Musk make?

Elongate

Jello has created a product that deters insects.

It's very effective, but the flavor is OFF-pudding.

Why do Canadians prefer Apple and Logitech products?

Because they are so apple-lo-gitech

What's it called when someone messes with unpurchased product in central Florida?

Tamper Bay

My city is handing out free healthcare products to women,

Free tampons? No strings attached.

I just bought this hair product that uses bat guano.

It's supposed to get rid of dandruff, but it didn't work!

Turns out it's just sham poo.

Asked to give a statement after a cigarette sparked a fire that burned down a sweatshop where their products were being made, Old Navy replied:

"It's a travesty. It's a truly, horrific travesty. Nobody should be allowed to sell cigarettes to children that age!"

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

While in town today I saw a homeless woman and I remembered seeing something on facebook about giving them feminine products instead of money.

Feeling suddenly very generous I rushed into Boots and two minutes later presented the homeless woman with a carrier bag.

She thanked me, looked in the bag and with tears in her eyes asked me.


"Where the fuck am I going to plug an iron in?"

How do you milk a sheep?

Put an apple logo on your product.

You could say the smell of a new Apple product is...

Scent from my iPhone

My first attempt at writing a joke, please take it easy on me.

A man walks into a candy shop, as he is perusing around the shop he notices the shopkeep waving him over to the counter. Not sure what he is really looking for he makes his way over to the counter to see if the shopkeep can be of any assistance.

Man: I'm not quite sure what I'm looking for, n...

I've heard all the environmental activists' arguments for banning plastic products...

and they're really just grasping at straws.

What do you call an Arab who built his wealth by selling dairy products?

A milk-sheikh

I drove four hours to attend a beauty pageant for meat products today.

Turns out it was a Miss Steak.

What do you do when a feminine hygiene product catches on fire?

You throw it on the ground and tampon it.

A revolutionary new product allows fathers to share a mother's pain during labour.

Mr Smith is happy to try it out and help his pregnant wife, and when the special day arrives, he tells the nurse to strap him up.

"Mr Smith, you are a very brave man. The machine has 10 settings, starting at the very manageable level 1, and going up to level 10, which will give you all of yo...

Why do Microsoft products cost money?

You gotta pay the Bill

My employer has recently started testing their products on animals.

I guess it wouldn't be so bad if I didn't work for a hammer factory.

After spending 4 years studying men's hygiene products

I'm proud to say I've gotten my Degree

A dairy farmer walks in to his feed store and asks the clerk, "Has your product recently changed?"

"Same formula for two decades now" replies the clerk. "Why do you ask? Your cattle not eating?"

"No, it's not that. It's just that their flatulence has become unbearable. It used to not bother me, but it's got to the point that I can't even be in the barn without wearing a respirator."
<...

Teacher: What are some products of the West Indies?

Student: I don't know.
Teacher: Of course, you do. Where do you get sugar from?
Student: We borrow it from our neighbor.

The result of mutiplication is called a product

Does that mean division is counterproductive?

Apple fitness products don't work.

I tried the iHop and it only made me gain weight.

A brand new store has just opened in New York City that sells Husbands.

When women go to choose a husband, they have to follow the instructions at the entrance:

"You may visit this store ONLY ONCE! There are 6 floors and the value of the products increase as you ascend the flights. You may choose any item from a particular floor or may choose to go up to the nex...

What do you call someone that doesn’t eat animal products and loves to gamble?

A Las Vegan

People buying Apple products are so dumb.

Sent from my iPhone.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A man doing market research knocked on a door. He was greeted by a young woman with three small children running around at her feet. He says, "I'm doing some research for Vaseline. Have you ever used the product?"

She says, "Yes. My husband and I use it all the time."

"And if you don't mind me asking, what do you use it for?"

"We use it for sex."

The researcher was a little taken back. He replied with candor, "Usually people lie to me and say that they use it on a child's bicycle chain...

I've been stealing products from the hygiene store

I need to come clean

Why do people think its a good idea to buy natural products?

After all, isn't the leading reason for deaths "natural causes"?

What is Captain Kirk's favorite brand of paper products?

Scott

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

what's a good hair product that can change someone's sexuality?

a hair straightener

EA finally to publish a good product

Working title «Annual Sales Report», coming December 31.

When is a product with 70% less salt a bad thing?

When you're buying salt.

Which is the most popular Apple product in the middle East?

iSis

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Dairy product truck clashed and everything inside went flying out.

That's when I saw butter fly.

What do you call an Apple product's identification code?

A 'sirial' number.

An old lady in London...(a true story)

Around a week ago I was waiting in queue behind an old lady at KFC. She placed her order, paid in cash, and all was well until she received one of those new plastic £5 notes as change from the cashier.

She vocally expressed her dislike about the presence of animal products in the new £5 bills...

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