Twenty years from now, kids are gonna think "Baby it's cold outside" is really weird, and we're gonna have to explain that it has to be understood as a product of its time.

You see, it used to get cold outside

The day Microsoft makes a product that doesn't suck...

Is the day they make a vacuum cleaner.

Apple just announced a new line of hidden camera surveillance products, including a glass that sits on your bathroom sink.

They're calling it The iCup.

Apple made a new tablet computer catered towards children but had to abandon the product before it hit the market...

... market research deemed that "iTouch Kids" didn't go well with the target audience.

My company has just decided we won’t test our products on animals anymore

We make hammers.

What product do Jewish boys use most of their money on?

Lotion

What is Pavlov's favorite hair product?

Conditioner

I hate the product hair salons use for perms...

The smell makes my hair curl.

When Apple collab with Samsung, their product won’t last long

Because they’re just Sample

Why do apple products bend so easily?

Because they're made for flexing.

Why does Eric Clapton only buy apple products

Because his son had a bad experience with windows

Cigars are most ecological product in world.

It kills pollution directly from source.

Saw a guy come racing out of our local flower shop, arms full of random product. Then the shop owner rushed out after him. I couldn't help, so I just yelled encouragement to her:

"Run, florist! Run!"

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

What penis enlargement product would Bill Gates and Elon Musk make?

Elongate

Apparently people are getting paid now to mention products in their social media posts

That’s as crazy as the discounts at Dave’s furniture Emporium.

Jello has created a product that deters insects.

It's very effective, but the flavor is OFF-pudding.

What do you call a factory that produces OK products?

Satisfactory

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

Why is semen good as hair product

Because its palm made

Why do Canadians prefer Apple and Logitech products?

Because they are so apple-lo-gitech

What's it called when someone messes with unpurchased product in central Florida?

Tamper Bay

I just bought this hair product that uses bat guano.

It's supposed to get rid of dandruff, but it didn't work!

Turns out it's just sham poo.

Asked to give a statement after a cigarette sparked a fire that burned down a sweatshop where their products were being made, Old Navy replied:

"It's a travesty. It's a truly, horrific travesty. Nobody should be allowed to sell cigarettes to children that age!"

I've heard all the environmental activists' arguments for banning plastic products...

and they're really just grasping at straws.

My city is handing out free healthcare products to women,

Free tampons? No strings attached.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

What do you call it when you get your dick stuck in an Apple product?

A Steve Job

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

While in town today I saw a homeless woman and I remembered seeing something on facebook about giving them feminine products instead of money.

Feeling suddenly very generous I rushed into Boots and two minutes later presented the homeless woman with a carrier bag.

She thanked me, looked in the bag and with tears in her eyes asked me.


"Where the fuck am I going to plug an iron in?"

You could say the smell of a new Apple product is...

Scent from my iPhone

What do you call an Arab who built his wealth by selling dairy products?

A milk-sheikh

Why do Microsoft products cost money?

You gotta pay the Bill

A revolutionary new product allows fathers to share a mother's pain during labour.

Mr Smith is happy to try it out and help his pregnant wife, and when the special day arrives, he tells the nurse to strap him up.

"Mr Smith, you are a very brave man. The machine has 10 settings, starting at the very manageable level 1, and going up to level 10, which will give you all of yo...

A dairy farmer walks in to his feed store and asks the clerk, "Has your product recently changed?"

"Same formula for two decades now" replies the clerk. "Why do you ask? Your cattle not eating?"

"No, it's not that. It's just that their flatulence has become unbearable. It used to not bother me, but it's got to the point that I can't even be in the barn without wearing a respirator."
<...

Guy: We need to stop testing our products on buildings.

Boss: Why, Elevator companies do it all the time?

Guy: Yeah but we make airplanes.

Teacher: What are some products of the West Indies?

Student: I don't know.
Teacher: Of course, you do. Where do you get sugar from?
Student: We borrow it from our neighbor.

A lawyer married a woman who had previously divorced 10 husbands.

On their wedding night, she told her new husband, "Please be gentle, I'm still a virgin."

"What?" said the puzzled groom. "How can that be if you've been married 10 times?"

"Well, Husband #1 was a sales representative. He kept telling me how great it was going to be.

Husband #2 ...

I drove four hours to attend a beauty pageant for meat products today.

Turns out it was a Miss Steak.

A place where they assemble okay products is called

...a Satis Factory.

My employer has recently started testing their products on animals.

I guess it wouldn't be so bad if I didn't work for a hammer factory.

What do you call someone that doesn’t eat animal products and loves to gamble?

A Las Vegan

People buying Apple products are so dumb.

Sent from my iPhone.

What is Captain Kirk's favorite brand of paper products?

Scott

I've been stealing products from the hygiene store

I need to come clean

Why do people think its a good idea to buy natural products?

After all, isn't the leading reason for deaths "natural causes"?

A brand new store has just opened in New York City that sells Husbands.

When women go to choose a husband, they have to follow the instructions at the entrance:

"You may visit this store ONLY ONCE! There are 6 floors and the value of the products increase as you ascend the flights. You may choose any item from a particular floor or may choose to go up to the nex...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

A man doing market research knocked on a door. He was greeted by a young woman with three small children running around at her feet. He says, "I'm doing some research for Vaseline. Have you ever used the product?"

She says, "Yes. My husband and I use it all the time."

"And if you don't mind me asking, what do you use it for?"

"We use it for sex."

The researcher was a little taken back. He replied with candor, "Usually people lie to me and say that they use it on a child's bicycle chain...

Apple fitness products don't work.

I tried the iHop and it only made me gain weight.

When Microsoft and Apple ship faulty products

Microsoft: We will fix that faulty battery timer through a software update. *never fixes it though*

Apple: *quietly removes the battery timer*

When is a product with 70% less salt a bad thing?

When you're buying salt.

What does the man with celiac's disease say when he talks about his continued love of bread products?

I'm a gluten for punishment.

What's America's #1 domestic product?

school shootings.

What do you call an Apple product's identification code?

A 'sirial' number.

$1,000 worth of products were stolen from a Games Workshop today

Police are looking for a book and three pots of paint.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

Dairy product truck clashed and everything inside went flying out.

That's when I saw butter fly.

A man told me his strength gains came from eating soy products.

After he said this I wasn't sure whether I thought more of him, or lecithin.

An old lady in London...(a true story)

Around a week ago I was waiting in queue behind an old lady at KFC. She placed her order, paid in cash, and all was well until she received one of those new plastic £5 notes as change from the cashier.

She vocally expressed her dislike about the presence of animal products in the new £5 bills...

I have a new starter business idea that's going to go viral! It's a unique product, created by harvesting the eggs from dead women…

I'm calling it: Cadaviar.

Apple came up with a tablet computer with touch screen, geared toward children.

They cancelled the product when they realized nobody wants to buy something called iTouch Kids.

What's the difference between a regular product and a fancy one?

The regular one says "Made in China".
The fancy one says "Designed in the USA. Made in China."

With your current salary what Apple product can you buy?

Apple juice

What dairy product is the most revered?

Swiss cheese, after all it's the holeist!

What's the most controversial animal product?

A boar shin.

What did fruit loops say when launching their product to compete with cheerios?

Toucan play at that game

AXE products claim if you smell good, women will be all over you, but that can't be right

I've never had any problems with my nose and I'm still single.

A new type of product !

I opened a company selling land mines disguised as prayer mats. Prophets are going through the roof.

Our son was a by-product of a raunchy night in the back of a car.

With one very open-minded taxi driver.

A company that sells nails decides to start advertising their product...

Their CEO goes to an ad agency to inquire about creating a large billboard downtown. He meets with an account executive and explains his need:
"We have a good business, but I just feel like most people have never heard of us. They just go down to one of these big box stores and buy whatever bra...

What is Russia's favorite imported product?

Ukraine.

I heard that if you buy certain apparel products, you're supporting the enslavement of children in Asia

And to think all these years I've been doing it the hard way!

All feminine hygiene products now on sale for HALF PRICE

But hurry - it's just for the Christmas period.

What's the worst hair product?

Chemo.