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Did you know? In Marseille, they actually give you a certificate with every souvenir you buy, as a means of demonstrating that it's a genuine product of southern France.

It's proven Provence province provenance.

When I was young, I thought rich people bought Bose products and the rest of us had to settle for Sony.

Turns out — that was just a stereotype.

What do you call a factory that makes just "ok" products?

A Satisfactory

Apple is releasing a new product called the iKnife.

It's cutting edge technology.

Twenty years from now, kids are gonna think "Baby it's cold outside" is really weird, and we're gonna have to explain that it has to be understood as a product of its time.

You see, it used to get cold outside

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My friend regularly takes anti-diarrhea pills and claims it increases his work productivity, due to reduced trips to the restroom daily.

I think he's full of shit.

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What’s one product Microsoft can never put their name on?

Boner Pills !

I have a theory as to why the Cybertruck is taking so long to get in production:

They are experiencing an Elon-gated Delay!

Autocorrect is always spot on and genuinely helps me be more productive on my mobile device.

Autocorrect is your friend. Always and everywhere.

I would be very productive, but I keep being distracted by two things.

Anything and everything.

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I am sick and tired of companies advertising lies to sell their products

My father said this after watching Condom Advertisement.

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Farmer Greg

A seasoned farmer named Greg had finally mastered his craft. He toiled day and night to understand every detail to growing the perfect crop. After 30 years he had made enough money to retire, but Greg wanted more. He wanted local recognition and fame.


So he decided to grow the state’s ...

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A man with a tendency to over-explain things lays on his therapist's couch.

The therapist says “I have a new exercise for you today. Instead of spending an hour talking about your day, try to tell me the essentials of what happened in one breath.”
The patient agrees and takes a deep breath

“So they cast Callie Hernandez as Supergirl and I’m not sure if it was th...

A farmer owned a nice car which would get ruined because his chickens kept pecking the hood.

A farmer owned a nice car which would get ruined because his chickens kept pecking the hood.
After several weeks of fuming at his chickens for making scratches and small dents in the hood of his car he decided to find a solution.
Coincidentally a salesperson came by his house and offered a s...

Bakeries often ask me to pose for promotional photos with their products.

Apparently I'm an excellent roll model

Scientists have recently discovered that 3 out of 5 habitual marijuana users developed over productive saliva glands.

When asked if anything can be done, one leading scientist advised, "Yes, you can either spit, or get off the pot".

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[Long] A lawyer married a woman who had previously divorced 10 husbands. On their wedding night, she told her new husband, "Please be gentle, I'm still a virgin

A lawyer married a woman who had previously divorced 10 husbands. On their wedding night, she told her new husband, "Please be gentle, I'm still a virgin."
"What?" said the puzzled groom. "How can that be if you've been married 10 times?"
"Well, Husband #1 was a sales representative. He kept...

I’m banned for life from acting in our production of Romeo and Juliet, just because I misunderstood the stage directions.

It said, [Enter Juliet from the rear]

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Why do Chinese people love IPhones and Apple products?

Because the greatest gifts are the ones your children made.

(inspired by u/lorenzomofo 's comment on a
r/nextfuckinglevel post)

My grandma told me this one

A butcher goes to a barber for a haircut. When it’s time to pay, the barber declines, saying “I’m feeling generous today, you don’t need to pay for this one”

The next morning someone knocks on the barber’s door. When he opens, it turns out to be the butcher, carrying some sausages and other m...

Milk that cow..

Three handsome crop farmers (brunette, redhead, and blonde) liked the same farm-girl. The farm-girl had a big dairy farm.

One day the three farmer friends decided to ask her, who she would like to go out with. Since they were all very handsome, the farm-girl had a hard time deciding, so she ...

I’m becoming one of those people who spends all of their money on apple products.

I’m addicted to cider.

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What is the name of Trump's new Viagra product?

'RIGGED ERECTION!!!'

How do people take an all-night flight and still manage to be productive the next day?

Red eye mind tricks.

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So a 17 year old kid just got a job at a Everything-plus kind of store. The manager tells him that he needs to sell at least $500 of their products per week.

The manager comes a week later and asks the kid how much he made, and the kid says he made $100,000. The manager asks how he did it. So the kid says that a man came in on Friday needing some fishing lures, so he sold him the most expensive pack of lures. He then said to the man “ You’ll need a good ...

I just got a job in a factory making plastic Draculas

There are only two of us on the production line, so I have to make every second count

Yankee candle, known for its fragranced candle line of products has revealed it is making an odourless candle for the first time ever

It makes no scents

What's the difference between a product made in Mexico and a product made in America?

One is made by a Mexican, while the other is made by a Mexican immigrant.

Scottish lawmakers recently voted to make menstrual products free

It's about bloody time.

Guy and his comforter.

A newly married guy from a village went back to the city for his job. He went alone so that he could make living arrangements for him and his wife and then he'd take his wife as well. Once he got a decent apartment, he wrote a letter to his father in the village saying that father, please send my wi...

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I just went to a restaurant and all of my food was still fucking frozen solid. I asked the owner and he said that’s just how the product comes in.

10/10 ice cream shop would recommend again

Morris had just been hired as the new CEO of a large high tech corporation

The CEO who was stepping down met with him privately and presented him with three envelopes number 1, 2 and 3. "Open these if you run up against a problem you don't think you can solve," the departing CEO said.

Things went along pretty smoothly, but six months later, sales took a downturn and...

Pearl Jam just came out with a product that regulates women’s periods

They’re calling it Even Flow

I heard people are getting paid to mention companies and do product placement in their Reddit posts!

That's almost as crazy as the discounts at Jez's Furniture Emporium. Sale this weekend

Dave Mustaine Pitches a New Product to His Boss

After his presentation, his boss has a few words to say. "So you want to sell anti-war propaganda? I just don't see how that could be successful. You didn't even include a market analysis in your powerpoint. How am I supposed to get funding for this without any data? Where are you going to sell this...

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Simple Economics

SOCIALISMYou have 2 cows.You give one to your neighbour

COMMUNISMYou have 2 cows.The State takes both and gives you some milk

FASCISMYou have 2 cows.The State takes both and sells you some milk

NAZISMYou have 2 cows.The State takes both and shoots you

BUREAUCRATISMYou hav...

Me- Alexa check my bank balance and tell me which apple product can I buy?

Alexa- apple juice

I'm starring in a new theater production about puns

It's a play on words

When did the beautiful woman realize she needed to stop buying so many products online?

When the mailman started referring to her as the Amazon woman.

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What did Dr. Watson name the product he invented to successfully cure his partner’s chronic diarrhea?

No shit Sherlock

was at a restaurant the other day and overheard this conversation. Customer: "I don't eat honey, eggs, cheese, dairy or any meat products. What can I get?"

Waiter: "You can get the hell out of here"

What do a pizza delivery person and a gynecologist have in common?

They can both smell the product, but they can't eat it

A farmer friend of mine got jailed for excessive hay production

I had to bale him out

I feel I'm quite a cosmopolitan man, so I'm not phased if I have to buy sanitary products

But, apparently, they're not a 'proper' present

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Very bad product name

Did you guys hear that Apple scrapped its idea for an iPod touch for children when they realized that iTouch Kids would be a bad product name?

A group of foreign computer peripheral manufacturers, unhappy with tariffs placed on their products by the United States, plans on starting their own country, which will compete with America.

They will call it USB.

After years of working his way up through the Dove Soap Company, Jedidiah Kermin was finally promoted to CEO.

Jeb was ecstatic and ready to lead the company into a new golden age of soap making. He was determined to shake up the industry and leave a true legacy for himself. So he went to product development and told them that what Dove needed was to make a soap that could clean people faster than any other ...

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The CEO of a company held a meeting and said, “We need to stop testing our products on Animals”

“Why? The shampoo companies do it.” somebody said
“That’s true, but we make dildos”

My family told me I should buy local products. As it's healthier and helps the economy.

I don't know how buying low calorie products helps our economy but okay.

Archaeologists discover that Rome was in fact built in a day

Slackers everywhere suddenly feel a massive obligation to be more productive.

Apple just announced their next groundbreaking product

The iShovel

What do you call a child born out of incest?

Gross domestic product.

If Trump wins a second term he will halt all shredded cheese production.

He is going to make Americans grate again . . .

even though coffee is more acidic, all Starbucks coffee products have a pH of 14

Extremely basic

Do you know why Germans build such high-quality products?

So they won't have to go around being nice while they fix them.

Pablo Escobar gets his comeuppance

Back when Pablo Escobar was still a small time crook, he was known for peddling his product in the shady street corners of his home town.

One day during said nefarious activities, a bunch of local children rode by on their bikes and recognized his face. They promptly reported the heinous crim...

Dog Show Hair Remover

A young woman had entered her dog in the dog show in the smooth-haired breed category. To give it an advantage, she went to the pharmacist for some hair remover. The pharmacist gave her the product requested and advised, "Just remember to keep your arms up for at least five minutes." "Errr... it's n...

What did the Scottish lass say when she heard there would be universal free period products? Everyone! All together now!

“It’s about bloody time!”

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The latest product out is Viagra-infused whisky.

It's for people that need a stiff drink.

What did the socialist say to the fisherman?

Sea's the means of production.

A chap Tours a factory that produces latex products.

A chap is going on tour of a factory that produces latex products.
At the first stop, he's shown the machine that manufactures baby-bottle nipples. The machine makes a loud Hiss-Pop! noise.

"The hiss is the rubber being injected into the mold," explains the guide. "The popping sound is a ...

The new CEO wanted to teach about productivity

After gathering the managers he spoke at the importance of cutting out the fat, streamlining the company, numbers and projections against the crisis and the need for a more energetic administration. After that, they left for lunch.

While passing through the offices, the new CEO found a young...

I set up a production business for oils that clear up colds and nasal blockages.

An olfactory oil factory

I've invented an exciting new product. Say goodbye to noise-cancelling headphones...

...and say hello to noise-cancelling megaphones!

Marketeer: On a scale from one to ten, how big is the change you would recommend our product to your friends?

RedditUser: zero.

Marketeer: So, I take it, you don't like our product?

RedditUser: No, no, your product is ok.

Marketeer: But then why don't you want to recommend our product to your friends?

RedditUser: I don't have any friends.

Just launched a new product; a corduroy pillow.

It's already making headlines.

The day Microsoft makes a product that doesn't suck...

Is the day they make a vacuum cleaner.

Was recently hired as beauty product model...

I was the "before" model.

Apple just announced three new products: a competitor to Fleshlight, a brand of eyeglasses, and a real-time strategy game.

iCame, iSaw, iConquered

If you sneeze on a calculator when you're doing a multiplication equation inside of your house, do you now have a Gross Domestic Product?

*sorry I know I tried way too hard with this lol*

There once was a retired engineer who is asked to come fix a major malfunction in a company’s product.

He comes in, turns on a simple switch, and the unit works perfectly. He bills for $101,000.

“How could you possibly charge that much!” said his old boss.

“Simple,” the old man responded. “It’s $1 for the labor of flipping the switch—and $100,999 for knowing which switch to flip.”

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I was studying about human digestion, assimilation and it's product.

It's all shit

My CTO punished me for not having my new critical changes on production

All for the crime that I didn't commit.

I saw a stage production of "The Three Pigs" yesterday.

The pigs were pretty boaring, but the wolf really brought down the house.

The Apple Store in my city was looted and thieves took off with $100K worth of products.

Police make no arrests and say they were were able to recover both computers.

I bought a product that was supposed to turn me into an AC unit.

I’m not a fan.

Freud, Darwin and the Pope walked into a bar.

Sitting on the counter is a weird, creepy statue. As they walk in, it's eyes seem to follow them.
They approach the bar, and to their shock the statue speaks. "Enjoy your beverages, mortals."

The three are stunned for a moment.
Darwin recovers first.
"This obviously is a product of ...

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You know what's a crappy product?

Arsenic.

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There is a factory that makes the Tickle Me Elmo toys.

The toy laughs when you tickle it under the arms.   Well, Lena is hired at The Tickle Me Elmo factory and she reports for her first day promptly at 8:00 am.   The next day at 8:45 is there is a knock at the Personnel Manager’s door. The Foreman throws open the door and begins to rant about the new E...

Thank goodness Reddit is back up

I was almost productive for a second there!

What do you call a communist apple product?

A we-phone

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Why did they stop the production of the air conditioned toilet seat?

Shit hit the fan.

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A translated joke

A man approaches a pig farmer and asks him what he feeds his pigs.

The farmer answers: "Oh the pigs? I just feed them whatever trash I have lying around".

The man is shocked, he says "Sir that is animal cruelty! I'll have to fine you 10000$!"

The next day another man approaches ...

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A product manager was asked by his son about his work. The father says, "My job is all about the difference between theory and practice." The child didn't understand, so the father said, "Let me give you an example:"

"Go ask your sister if she'd sleep with the neighbor for £1M". Kid goes, returns & says "she's not too happy to but she will for times are tough."

Then the father said: "Now go ask your mom that question" so the child goes, returns and says: "Mom's is not too happy to sleep with the neigh...

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Scotland recently became the first country to offer free sanitary products to all women.

Makes sense since all their politicians are just self-serving cunts.

People doubting longevity of Made in China products

Rest of the world: Chinese products don’t last long and lack quality.

China invents COVID19 and now asking everyone, “You still doubt my abilities, mofos”.

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Products with what deals do pornstars buy?

Bang for buck.

The mother of a wealthy, shrewd businessman passed away.

In liquidating her assets he took a large quantity of gold jewelry to a blacksmith. On the way into the shop, he noticed a large sign near the entrance that read, “NO PRODUCTS OR ITEMS MAY BE STORED AT THE SHOP. ITEMS LEFT FOR LONGER THAN 24 HOURS BECOME PROPERTY OF JACK BLACKSMITHING!”

He to...

If a person is sueing a product for blinding him/her in one of their eyes, they should win double the amount

Because they are not gonna be able to see half of it anyway.

80% of Swedish nationals report enjoying the lockdown despite having initially rejecting it. They say it makes them more productive.

Personally, I think it’s just a case of Stuckhome syndrome.

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What do you call it when you get your dick stuck in an Apple product?

A Steve Job

Two guy friends are planning how to market their new product

Friend 1: “Should I make a folded informative pamphlet that we can hand out to potential customers?”

Friend 2: “Bro, sure!”

Apple made a new tablet computer catered towards children but had to abandon the product before it hit the market...

... market research deemed that "iTouch Kids" didn't go well with the target audience.

Do not buy any more products that use velcro

It’s a real rip off.

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A porn production company finally hired me...

There was a lot of back and forth and I gave it my best shot!

A scientist was studying life extending properties through diet...

And realized he had the perfect formula for eternal life. He developed a special food formula which he fed to seagulls. Then he would feed their eggs to a pair of dolphins.

After 10 years on a diet of fortified seagull eggs, the dolphins hadn't aged a day. But there was one problem. Th...

What's it called when a drug dealer tests his products?

A business trip.

What is Pavlov's favorite hair product?

Conditioner

I get drunk with power uninstalling microsoft products. I don't do it all the time..

just when I need to take the Edge off.

My grandmother was a founding pioneer for the Weathertech products.

She had clear vinyl on her furniture

Tampex has announced they are replacing the string on their products with tinsel.

For the Christmas period.

Why are Americans so obsessed with Apple Products?

Because they can't afford health insurance in the US

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Pfizer & Pepsi to Merge

The Pfizer Corporation announced today that Viagra will soon be available in liquid form and this new product will be marketed by Pepsi Cola as a power beverage suitable for use as a mixer.

It will now be possible for a man to literally pour himself a stiff one.

It’s hard to find deals for prosthetics in today’s economy.

They charge me an arm and a leg for their product.

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Dear Tech Support,

Last year I upgraded from Girlfriend 7.0 to Wife 1.0 and noticed that the new program began unexpected child processing that took up a lot of new space and valuable resources. No mention of this phenomenon was included in the product brochure.

In addition, Wife 1.0 installs itself into all ot...

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