What do you call a factory that makes okay products?

A satisfactory....

Twenty years from now, kids are gonna think "Baby it's cold outside" is really weird, and we're gonna have to explain that it has to be understood as a product of its time.

You see, it used to get cold outside

Bakeries often ask me to pose for promotional photos with their products.

Apparently I'm an excellent roll model

Scientists have recently discovered that 3 out of 5 habitual marijuana users developed over productive saliva glands.

When asked if anything can be done, one leading scientist advised, "Yes, you can either spit, or get off the pot".

I’m banned for life from acting in our production of Romeo and Juliet, just because I misunderstood the stage directions.

It said, [Enter Juliet from the rear]

I just got a job in a factory making plastic Draculas

There are only two of us on the production line, so I have to make every second count

How do people take an all-night flight and still manage to be productive the next day?

Red eye mind tricks.

I’m becoming one of those people who spends all of their money on apple products.

I’m addicted to cider.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What is the name of Trump's new Viagra product?

'RIGGED ERECTION!!!'

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Why do Chinese people love IPhones and Apple products?

Because the greatest gifts are the ones your children made.

(inspired by u/lorenzomofo 's comment on a
r/nextfuckinglevel post)

Yankee candle, known for its fragranced candle line of products has revealed it is making an odourless candle for the first time ever

It makes no scents

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Simple Economics

SOCIALISMYou have 2 cows.You give one to your neighbour

COMMUNISMYou have 2 cows.The State takes both and gives you some milk

FASCISMYou have 2 cows.The State takes both and sells you some milk

NAZISMYou have 2 cows.The State takes both and shoots you

BUREAUCRATISMYou hav...

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I just went to a restaurant and all of my food was still fucking frozen solid. I asked the owner and he said that’s just how the product comes in.

10/10 ice cream shop would recommend again

Scottish lawmakers recently voted to make menstrual products free

It's about bloody time.

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So a 17 year old kid just got a job at a Everything-plus kind of store. The manager tells him that he needs to sell at least $500 of their products per week.

The manager comes a week later and asks the kid how much he made, and the kid says he made $100,000. The manager asks how he did it. So the kid says that a man came in on Friday needing some fishing lures, so he sold him the most expensive pack of lures. He then said to the man “ You’ll need a good ...

What do you call a child born out of incest?

Gross domestic product.

What's the difference between a product made in Mexico and a product made in America?

One is made by a Mexican, while the other is made by a Mexican immigrant.

I'm starring in a new theater production about puns

It's a play on words

Pearl Jam just came out with a product that regulates women’s periods

They’re calling it Even Flow

A farmer friend of mine got jailed for excessive hay production

I had to bale him out

The New CEO

Morris had just been hired as the new CEO of a large high tech corporation. The CEO who was stepping down met with him privately and presented him with three envelopes number 1, 2 and 3. "Open these if you run up against a problem you don't think you can solve," the departing CEO said.

Things...

I heard people are getting paid to mention companies and do product placement in their Reddit posts!

That's almost as crazy as the discounts at Jez's Furniture Emporium. Sale this weekend

When did the beautiful woman realize she needed to stop buying so many products online?

When the mailman started referring to her as the Amazon woman.

was at a restaurant the other day and overheard this conversation. Customer: "I don't eat honey, eggs, cheese, dairy or any meat products. What can I get?"

Waiter: "You can get the hell out of here"

A group of foreign computer peripheral manufacturers, unhappy with tariffs placed on their products by the United States, plans on starting their own country, which will compete with America.

They will call it USB.

Apple wanted to launch a new product directed at children.

In retrospect, it was probably not the best idea to call it "iTouch Kids".

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The CEO of a company held a meeting and said, “We need to stop testing our products on Animals”

“Why? The shampoo companies do it.” somebody said
“That’s true, but we make dildos”

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Farmer Greg

A seasoned farmer named Greg had finally mastered his craft. He toiled day and night to understand every detail to growing the perfect crop. After 30 years he had made enough money to retire, but Greg wanted more. He wanted local recognition and fame.

So he decided to grow the state’s larges...

Do you know why Germans build such high-quality products?

So they won't have to go around being nice while they fix them.

Me- Alexa check my bank balance and tell me which apple product can I buy?

Alexa- apple juice

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Very bad product name

Did you guys hear that Apple scrapped its idea for an iPod touch for children when they realized that iTouch Kids would be a bad product name?

even though coffee is more acidic, all Starbucks coffee products have a pH of 14

Extremely basic

If Trump wins a second term he will halt all shredded cheese production.

He is going to make Americans grate again . . .

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What did Dr. Watson name the product he invented to successfully cure his partner’s chronic diarrhea?

No shit Sherlock

What did the Scottish lass say when she heard there would be universal free period products? Everyone! All together now!

“It’s about bloody time!”

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

The latest product out is Viagra-infused whisky.

It's for people that need a stiff drink.

My family told me I should buy local products. As it's healthier and helps the economy.

I don't know how buying low calorie products helps our economy but okay.

I set up a production business for oils that clear up colds and nasal blockages.

An olfactory oil factory

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There is a factory that makes the Tickle Me Elmo toys.

The toy laughs when you tickle it under the arms.   Well, Lena is hired at The Tickle Me Elmo factory and she reports for her first day promptly at 8:00 am.   The next day at 8:45 is there is a knock at the Personnel Manager’s door. The Foreman throws open the door and begins to rant about the new E...

The new CEO wanted to teach about productivity

After gathering the managers he spoke at the importance of cutting out the fat, streamlining the company, numbers and projections against the crisis and the need for a more energetic administration. After that, they left for lunch.

While passing through the offices, the new CEO found a young...

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A translated joke

A man approaches a pig farmer and asks him what he feeds his pigs.

The farmer answers: "Oh the pigs? I just feed them whatever trash I have lying around".

The man is shocked, he says "Sir that is animal cruelty! I'll have to fine you 10000$!"

The next day another man approaches ...

Apple just announced their next groundbreaking product

The iShovel

A chap Tours a factory that produces latex products.

A chap is going on tour of a factory that produces latex products.
At the first stop, he's shown the machine that manufactures baby-bottle nipples. The machine makes a loud Hiss-Pop! noise.

"The hiss is the rubber being injected into the mold," explains the guide. "The popping sound is a ...

I've invented an exciting new product. Say goodbye to noise-cancelling headphones...

...and say hello to noise-cancelling megaphones!

Just launched a new product; a corduroy pillow.

It's already making headlines.

The mother of a wealthy, shrewd businessman passed away.

In liquidating her assets he took a large quantity of gold jewelry to a blacksmith. On the way into the shop, he noticed a large sign near the entrance that read, “NO PRODUCTS OR ITEMS MAY BE STORED AT THE SHOP. ITEMS LEFT FOR LONGER THAN 24 HOURS BECOME PROPERTY OF JACK BLACKSMITHING!”

He to...

It’s hard to find deals for prosthetics in today’s economy.

They charge me an arm and a leg for their product.

Apple just announced three new products: a competitor to Fleshlight, a brand of eyeglasses, and a real-time strategy game.

iCame, iSaw, iConquered

Darwin, Freud and the Pope walk into a bar.

Sitting on the counter is a weird, creepy statue. As they walk in, it's eyes seem to follow them.
They approach the bar, and to their shock the statue speaks. "Enjoy your beverages, mortals."

The three are stunned for a moment.
Darwin recovers first.
"This obviously is a product of ...

Was recently hired as beauty product model...

I was the "before" model.

Another Traveling Salesman Joke

Back at the beginning of 1930, there was a traveling salesman who vowed to sell his product in every state in the country. He started in Maine and worked his way across all the northern states. He was so good at selling that he never had to pay for a hotel room. He always could talk people into putt...

There once was a retired engineer who is asked to come fix a major malfunction in a company’s product.

He comes in, turns on a simple switch, and the unit works perfectly. He bills for $101,000.

“How could you possibly charge that much!” said his old boss.

“Simple,” the old man responded. “It’s $1 for the labor of flipping the switch—and $100,999 for knowing which switch to flip.”

My CTO punished me for not having my new critical changes on production

All for the crime that I didn't commit.

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Pfizer & Pepsi to Merge

The Pfizer Corporation announced today that Viagra will soon be available in liquid form and this new product will be marketed by Pepsi Cola as a power beverage suitable for use as a mixer.

It will now be possible for a man to literally pour himself a stiff one.

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I was studying about human digestion, assimilation and it's product.

It's all shit

The day Microsoft makes a product that doesn't suck...

Is the day they make a vacuum cleaner.

If you sneeze on a calculator when you're doing a multiplication equation inside of your house, do you now have a Gross Domestic Product?

*sorry I know I tried way too hard with this lol*

I just read an interesting new warning on my shower cleaner:

"Keep this and all cleaning products away from children. If swallowed, get emergency psychiatric help and regurgitate the children before they are digested."

I saw a stage production of "The Three Pigs" yesterday.

The pigs were pretty boaring, but the wolf really brought down the house.

I bought a product that was supposed to turn me into an AC unit.

I’m not a fan.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Dear Tech Support,

Last year I upgraded from Girlfriend 7.0 to Wife 1.0 and noticed that the new program began unexpected child processing that took up a lot of new space and valuable resources. No mention of this phenomenon was included in the product brochure.

In addition, Wife 1.0 installs itself into all ot...

The Apple Store in my city was looted and thieves took off with $100K worth of products.

Police make no arrests and say they were were able to recover both computers.

I’m like a cat when it comes to kids

I don’t really enjoy the product

But I love playing with the box it came out of.

Thank goodness Reddit is back up

I was almost productive for a second there!

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Why did they stop the production of the air conditioned toilet seat?

Shit hit the fan.

80% of Swedish nationals report enjoying the lockdown despite having initially rejecting it. They say it makes them more productive.

Personally, I think it’s just a case of Stuckhome syndrome.

What kind of cookie does a crazy professor who only uses apple products prefer?

Macademia Nut

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A product manager was asked by his son about his work. The father says, "My job is all about the difference between theory and practice." The child didn't understand, so the father said, "Let me give you an example:"

"Go ask your sister if she'd sleep with the neighbor for £1M". Kid goes, returns & says "she's not too happy to but she will for times are tough."

Then the father said: "Now go ask your mom that question" so the child goes, returns and says: "Mom's is not too happy to sleep with the neigh...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Scotland recently became the first country to offer free sanitary products to all women.

Makes sense since all their politicians are just self-serving cunts.

Pravda news from April 27th 1986

Glorious Soviet technology allowed workers at Chernobyl power plant to complete five year plan of power production in mere five milliseconds.

People doubting longevity of Made in China products

Rest of the world: Chinese products don’t last long and lack quality.

China invents COVID19 and now asking everyone, “You still doubt my abilities, mofos”.

If a person is sueing a product for blinding him/her in one of their eyes, they should win double the amount

Because they are not gonna be able to see half of it anyway.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A porn production company finally hired me...

There was a lot of back and forth and I gave it my best shot!

Do not buy any more products that use velcro

It’s a real rip off.

Once upon a time, Spanish galleon was sent to rescue some farmers and their cows in a settlement...

...they arrived on schedule and picked up the farmers and their cows, which took up half of the cargo hold. As the journey continued, they miked the cows, eventually filling up the remainder of the hold with various dairy products.

Finally, they reached their destination, but before they wer...

Two guy friends are planning how to market their new product

Friend 1: “Should I make a folded informative pamphlet that we can hand out to potential customers?”

Friend 2: “Bro, sure!”

I head Thailand and Iraq are working together to create a new product.

It's called a Tie Rack

This Easter, the catholic church is sourcing all of it's bread and wine from a factory in China.

It's called mass production.

The marketing team for the Veggie Food Company are having a brand meeting

"So the food techs have given us this amazing veggie bacon, what are we going to call it?" says the boss.
After hours of brainstorming and arguments, Sammy the intern says, "what about Facon?"
Everyone loves it and the boss promises him a bonus and a promotion.
"That's great, well done Samm...

The moon is basically a walmart sun

it reflects the behavior of the original product, but it just isn't the same

My grandmother was a founding pioneer for the Weathertech products.

She had clear vinyl on her furniture

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

God says to Adam “You shall not boil a kid in its mother’s milk... for it it cruel”

“Oh” says Adam “does that mean that I have to cook meat and dairy separately?”

“No” says god... “you have to listen to me. You shall not boil a kid in its mother’s milk... for it is cruel”

“Ahhh” says Adam “then you mean I have to keep my meat and dairy products in different places, an...

Singapore’s education system be like

Memo to all students : In order to assure the highest levels
of quality work and productivity from students, it will be
our policy to keep all students well taught through our
program of SPECIAL HIGH INTENSITY TEACHING (S.H.I.T.). We are
trying to give our students more S.H.I.T. than any...

Tampex has announced they are replacing the string on their products with tinsel.

For the Christmas period.

What's it called when a drug dealer tests his products?

A business trip.

Apple made a new tablet computer catered towards children but had to abandon the product before it hit the market...

... market research deemed that "iTouch Kids" didn't go well with the target audience.

Why are Americans so obsessed with Apple Products?

Because they can't afford health insurance in the US

I called to the toilet paper manufacturer to complain about a dysfunctional layer of the product...

They wouldn't re-ply.

I get drunk with power uninstalling microsoft products. I don't do it all the time..

just when I need to take the Edge off.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What do you call it when you get your dick stuck in an Apple product?

A Steve Job

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I sent a lot of meat product to a friends house

He got pissed off and called me out on all the spam

My brain is like an F-22 Raptor

Aging, no longer in production and spare parts not available.

Damn. Nokia really does create high quality products.

They do everything from start to finnish

What is Pavlov's favorite hair product?

Conditioner

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

10 Husbands, Still a Virgin.

A lawyer married a woman who had previously divorced ten husbands.

On their wedding night, she told her new husband, ‟Please be gentle, I'm still a virgin.”

‟What?” said the puzzled groom.

‟How can that be if you've been married ten times?”

‟Well, Husband #1 was a sal...

How did the ice cream man sell all of his melting product on a hot summer day?

He had a liquidation sale.

What was the least productive period of the USSR?

When their leader was Stalin for 30 years

I find it wild that people would use cleaning products on their skeletons.

But to bleach their bone, I guess.

As a responsible employer, All my staff are in a 2 week quarantine.

Productivity is through the roof since nobody can leave the office.

My friends and I were putting together a musical score for a production of Hamlet

Tuba or no tuba, that was the question

My new girlfriend told me she doesn’t eat dairy products.

I said “No whey!”

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