Twenty years from now, kids are gonna think "Baby it's cold outside" is really weird, and we're gonna have to explain that it has to be understood as a product of time

You see, it used to get cold outside

Why are Americans so obsessed with Apple Products?

Because they can't afford health insurance in the US

Employee: We should stop testing our products on animals.

Boss: Why? Shampoo companies do it all the time!

Employee: Yeah but we make hammers...

What's it called when a drug dealer tests his products?

A business trip.

I’ve officially decided to boycott all Chinese products

Sent from my iPhone

Beyonce was just telling me the best way to source product for my new pillow-making side-hustle. I was very surprised when she suggested punching a duck in the face.

I replied - I didn't know you could get down like that.

Why is the Great Wall of China considered one of the seven wonders of the world?

Because it is an actual long-lasting Chinese product.

What did 2 say to 3 when they saw 6 act like an idiot?

Don’t mind him. He’s just a product of our times.

Milk production at a dairy farm was low, so the farmer wrote to the local university, asking for help from academia.

A multidisciplinary team of professors was assembled, headed by a theoretical physicist, and two weeks of intensive on-site investigation took place. The scholars then returned to the university, notebooks crammed with data, where the task of writing the report was left to the team leader. Shortly t...

The day Microsoft makes a product that doesn't suck...

Is the day they make a vacuum cleaner.

What did the tickle me elmo get when he left the production line?

Two test tickles.

Have you heard of the new Apple Product designed to protect your eyes?

It's called iLid

I get drunk with power uninstalling microsoft products. I don't do it all the time..

just when I need to take the Edge off.

What do you call a factory that sells good products?

A satisfactory.

What do you call an absurd comedic production that won’t end?

An unstoppable farce.

I tell my wife to buy good quality products but she always gets cheap junk.

The only thing in our house that doesn't suck is the vacuum cleaner.

LPT: Always read product reviews before buying electronics

Like a lot of people, I’ve been drawn in by Amazon to check out their prime day deals. I was browsing through the electronics earlier, looking for a new flash drive for transferring documents between my home and work computers. The primary one I use currently is only USB 2.0 and I figured it might ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

My girlfriend said that having sex all day isn’t productive.

And I said no, but it is reproductive.

Did you hear that they're making a Broadway production based off the dictionary?

It's a play on words.

What do you get when you spill cheese on an Apple product?

Mac n Cheese

My new girlfriend told me she doesn’t eat dairy products.

I said “No whey!”

‘Whaling is the hunting of whales for their usable products such as meat and blubber.’

\[ CETACEAN NEEDED \]

David and Shane worked for a small furniture company which had recently developed a new product.

They had been developing a new kind of smart shelf, and it was finally finished. This shelf had everything! Part of it featured a built in wireless charger, there were USB ports, part of it could flip up to reveal a screen which could be used as digital picture frame as well as had access to YouTube...

Why don't Antivaxxers buy Panasonic products?

Because without a son it's just Panic

Damn girl are you an apple product?

Because you’re expensive and useless

What is Thanos' favorite dairy product?

Half and Half

Studies show the average worker is productive for 2 hours in an 8 hour work day...

...I totally disagree, because it’s hard work trying to not get caught doing nothing by your boss.

Apple made a new tablet computer catered towards children but had to abandon the product before it hit the market...

... market research deemed that "iTouch Kids" didn't go well with the target audience.

Talking about a one-dimensional space isn't always productive

But it's usually not pointless

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A guy from Apple promised me a pre-release of a new product if I sucked his cock this morning. As if I would compromise my values for such a materialistic item!

Sent from my iPhone XI

The Apple iCar production has stalled

There’s been a lack of Jobs

Software development cycle.

1. Programmer produces code he believes is bug-free.

2. Product is tested. 20 bugs are found.

3. Programmer fixes 10 of the bugs and explains to the testing department that the other 10 aren't really bugs.

4. Testing department finds that five of the fixes didn't work and discov...

I'm boycotting apple products.

Because they're taking away work from all those doctors.

Milk, cheese and yogurt may be different products

But their origins are udderly similar.

What do you call the misguided act of worshipping mediocre products at rock-bottom prices?

I-Dollar-Tree

My company makes parachutes for skydivers

We offer free refund for defective products but it seems like our customers are very generous about small mistakes.

What did Yoda say about the musical theater production that he hated?

"LAME IS."



Happy Star Wars Day.

Product testing

Manager : Guys we need to stop testing on animals
Supervisor : But Shampoo companies have been doing it for years
Manager : Yeah, but we make hydraulic presses.

Seems like there are very few products made in America any more. I just bought a TV and it said,

Built in Antenna.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

The King of all the gorillas was having a yard sale

The king of all the gorillas, mister Kong, was having a yard sale. He decided to sell his items collected over the years of roaming in the forests. He had been lowering his sale prices over the course of the day as fewer and fewer people were coming by.

Finally, one passer by came to buy his...

My first attempt at writing a joke, please take it easy on me.

A man walks into a candy shop, as he is perusing around the shop he notices the shopkeep waving him over to the counter. Not sure what he is really looking for he makes his way over to the counter to see if the shopkeep can be of any assistance.

Man: I'm not quite sure what I'm looking for, n...

Despite the fact that whenever I eat any products with wheat in I get stomach cramps, I still regularly enjoy consuming it.

You could say that I'm a gluten for pun-ishment.

Janet Jackson wanted to sample a Future song so she asked his production company if she could use Beast Mode. The production company sent a representative to her door with a CD. She asked if it was Beast Mode

The representative said “Sorry Ms. Jackson, this is Fo Real”

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A man gets a new job.

On his first day, the boss gives him the basic description of his duties, and he says, "No problem, boss. I know just what to do."

And sure enough, he does. The boss is amazed to see that he intuitively knows every process, where everything goes, how everything works, what everyone does.
<...

How do you milk a sheep?

Put an apple logo on your product.

You know why deaf people don't buy new products?

They've never heard of them

Did you hear that Rand McNally is trying to increase product sales by hiding evidence of a flat Earth?

Yes. It’s a global conspiracy.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

My buddy started an amputee porn production company.

He calls it XYX.

Why does Eric Clapton only buy apple products

Because his son had a bad experience with windows

What is Pavlov's favorite hair product?

Conditioner

Phil Swift has a new product

He puts on a pair of boots and says, " I present to you the FlexBoots! Now this product may seem like ordinary boots, but with these bad boys you can run up walls, on the ceiling!" He goes on to demonstrate them by walking on random surfaces. "To show you the power FlexBoots", the camera slowly zoo...

I went on shark tank to sell a mixed meat product

I offered 20% steak

Apple is developing a product—invented by Bart Simpson—that cleans your vehicle.

The iCaroomba

My company has just decided we won’t test our products on animals anymore

We make hammers.

Guy goes to the doctor, the doctor says: I have a bad news and a good news.

P: what is the bad news?

D: because of your condition you’ll have to live on a very strict diet. No chocolate or sweets, no fried stuff, no coffee, no meat, no bread, no milk and no milk products in general. You can eat only green vegetables. And you’ll have have to keep this diet for the res...

Why do apple products bend so easily?

Because they're made for flexing.

What do you get when you cross a joke with a celestial Greek dairy product?

Apollo cheese for the punchline.

Apple just announced a new line of hidden camera surveillance products, including a glass that sits on your bathroom sink.

They're calling it The iCup.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What do you call it when you get your dick stuck in an Apple product?

A Steve Job

What product do Jewish boys use most of their money on?

Lotion

Jeff Bezos uses his own product

that's why he's replacing his wife with a mail order bride.

Saw a guy come racing out of our local flower shop, arms full of random product. Then the shop owner rushed out after him. I couldn't help, so I just yelled encouragement to her:

"Run, florist! Run!"

Cigars are most ecological product in world.

It kills pollution directly from source.

Apparently people are getting paid now to mention products in their social media posts

That’s as crazy as the discounts at Dave’s furniture Emporium.

Jello has created a product that deters insects.

It's very effective, but the flavor is OFF-pudding.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What penis enlargement product would Bill Gates and Elon Musk make?

Elongate

Why do Canadians prefer Apple and Logitech products?

Because they are so apple-lo-gitech

What's it called when someone messes with unpurchased product in central Florida?

Tamper Bay

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

My city is handing out free healthcare products to women,

Free tampons? No strings attached.

I drove four hours to attend a beauty pageant for meat products today.

Turns out it was a Miss Steak.

I just bought this hair product that uses bat guano.

It's supposed to get rid of dandruff, but it didn't work!

Turns out it's just sham poo.

Asked to give a statement after a cigarette sparked a fire that burned down a sweatshop where their products were being made, Old Navy replied:

"It's a travesty. It's a truly, horrific travesty. Nobody should be allowed to sell cigarettes to children that age!"

What do you call an Arab who built his wealth by selling dairy products?

A milk-sheikh

A dairy farmer walks in to his feed store and asks the clerk, "Has your product recently changed?"

"Same formula for two decades now" replies the clerk. "Why do you ask? Your cattle not eating?"

"No, it's not that. It's just that their flatulence has become unbearable. It used to not bother me, but it's got to the point that I can't even be in the barn without wearing a respirator."
<...

You could say the smell of a new Apple product is...

Scent from my iPhone

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

While in town today I saw a homeless woman and I remembered seeing something on facebook about giving them feminine products instead of money.

Feeling suddenly very generous I rushed into Boots and two minutes later presented the homeless woman with a carrier bag.

She thanked me, looked in the bag and with tears in her eyes asked me.


"Where the fuck am I going to plug an iron in?"

A revolutionary new product allows fathers to share a mother's pain during labour.

Mr Smith is happy to try it out and help his pregnant wife, and when the special day arrives, he tells the nurse to strap him up.

"Mr Smith, you are a very brave man. The machine has 10 settings, starting at the very manageable level 1, and going up to level 10, which will give you all of yo...

My employer has recently started testing their products on animals.

I guess it wouldn't be so bad if I didn't work for a hammer factory.

I've heard all the environmental activists' arguments for banning plastic products...

and they're really just grasping at straws.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What do you do when a feminine hygiene product catches on fire?

You throw it on the ground and tampon it.

Why do Microsoft products cost money?

You gotta pay the Bill

Apple fitness products don't work.

I tried the iHop and it only made me gain weight.

A brand new store has just opened in New York City that sells Husbands.

When women go to choose a husband, they have to follow the instructions at the entrance:

"You may visit this store ONLY ONCE! There are 6 floors and the value of the products increase as you ascend the flights. You may choose any item from a particular floor or may choose to go up to the nex...

Teacher: What are some products of the West Indies?

Student: I don't know.
Teacher: Of course, you do. Where do you get sugar from?
Student: We borrow it from our neighbor.

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