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India has decided to boycott Chinese products on all fronts to protest the latter's stand on disputed territories and their failure to inform India on the Coronavirus.

Meanwhile, Chinese textile mills are rolling out an all-new clothing line: "Boycott China" and are anticipating great demand from India.

The Apple Store in my city was looted and thieves took off with $100K worth of products.

Police make no arrests and say they were were able to recover both computers.

If you sneeze on a calculator when you're doing a multiplication equation inside of your house, do you now have a Gross Domestic Product?

*sorry I know I tried way too hard with this lol*

Thank goodness Reddit is back up

I was almost productive for a second there!

80% of Swedish nationals report enjoying the lockdown despite having initially rejecting it. They say it makes them more productive.

Personally, I think it’s just a case of Stuckhome syndrome.

If a person is sueing a product for blinding him/her in one of their eyes, they should win double the amount

Because they are not gonna be able to see half of it anyway.

Bakeries often ask me to pose for promotional photos with their products.

Apparently I'm an excellent roll model.

I head Thailand and Iraq are working together to create a new product.

It's called a Tie Rack

People doubting longevity of Made in China products

Rest of the world: Chinese products don’t last long and lack quality.

China invents COVID19 and now asking everyone, “You still doubt my abilities, mofos”.

Twenty years from now, kids are gonna think "Baby it's cold outside" is really weird, and we're gonna have to explain that it has to be understood as a product of its time.

You see, it used to get cold outside

My grandmother was a founding pioneer for the Weathertech products.

She had clear vinyl on her furniture

Where are average products made?

The satisfactory

What do you call a factory that produces passable products?

A Satisfactory!

Do not buy any more products that use velcro

It’s a real rip off.

Two guy friends are planning how to market their new product

Friend 1: “Should I make a folded informative pamphlet that we can hand out to potential customers?”

Friend 2: “Bro, sure!”

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Scotland recently became the first country to offer free sanitary products to all women.

Makes sense since all their politicians are just self-serving cunts.

What was the least productive period of the USSR?

When their leader was Stalin for 30 years

I called to the toilet paper manufacturer to complain about a dysfunctional layer of the product...

They wouldn't re-ply.

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I sent a lot of meat product to a friends house

He got pissed off and called me out on all the spam

As a responsible employer, All my staff are in a 2 week quarantine.

Productivity is through the roof since nobody can leave the office.

How did the ice cream man sell all of his melting product on a hot summer day?

He had a liquidation sale.

What did 2 tell 3 when he saw 6 acting like an idiot?

Don’t worry about him. He’s just a product of our times.

Tampex has announced they are replacing the string on their products with tinsel.

For the Christmas period.

My friends and I were putting together a musical score for a production of Hamlet

Tuba or no tuba, that was the question

What do you call a feminine hygiene product from the 1800's?

A Period Pad

I started a job making plastic Dracula figurines but there’s only two of us in the production line.

I have to make every second Count.

The day Microsoft makes a product that doesn't suck...

Is the day they make a vacuum cleaner.

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The Waiter and the Spoon

A married couple decides to brave Covid and eat out for their anniversary at a fancy restaurant. They’ve been ordering Grubhub for months and are excited to support a local business in person. They order soup, but as it arrives, the man accidentally knock his spoon onto the floor with his elbow. To ...

Why are Americans so obsessed with Apple Products?

Because they can't afford health insurance in the US

Did you hear that Goop's new line of hair care products made from guano turned out to be fake?

It was *sham*poo.

I find it wild that people would use cleaning products on their skeletons.

But to bleach their bone, I guess.

What's it called when a drug dealer tests his products?

A business trip.

Hard to believe, but my girlfriend has a rare disease that makes her allergic to cosmetic products.

It’s true, this is something you can’t make up

Breaking news: Philadelphia Cream Cheese's New Ad Slams Competitor Brand's product!

It's just a regular smear campaign.

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Just saw a clever new product to treat diarrhea...

No-Shit Sure-Lock

I get drunk with power uninstalling microsoft products. I don't do it all the time..

just when I need to take the Edge off.

Goodwill has announced they will no longer accept donations of vape or tobacco products

Clothes, but no cigar.

Apple just came out with its latest product that disgusted everyone.

The I-cup.

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Land O Lakes just came out with a new product line

I was hoping for something butter, but there's only a margarinal difference

Have you heard of the new Apple Product designed to protect your eyes?

It's called iLid

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Government

The federal government is sending most Americans a $1200 rebate.
If we spend that money at Wal-Mart, the money goes to China.
If we spend it on gasoline it goes to the Arabs.
If we buy a computer it will go to India.
If we purchase fruit and vegetables it will go to Mexico, Honduras
a...

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It's not easy being a pill tester at the Viagra production facility...

The workers are always hard at work.

Shoe Store

When I was young my parents started up a shoe store, which wasn’t overly successful but they made ends meet. Due to various economic pressures they had to outsource labour overseas to China. My father, Bob, could speak Mandarin so always conversed with the manager of the production plant in their na...

I'm safe in Kentucky..

Warning label of a paint can: This product contains chemicals known to the state of California to cause cancer, birth defects or other reproductive harm.

Me: *whiffing the fumes* Thank God I'm safe in Kentucky.

What did my communist girlfriend say when she grabbed my balls?

I’m seizing your means of production.

The beverage company Nage decided to do something new.

In the tiny village of Mars, Kansas, a new themepark opened on the outskirts of town. Touted as the future of entertainment, the beverage company "Nage" decided to take all their leftover & recycled parts of their product, and turn them into hardened plastic materials to construct their attracti...

Work got cancelled for two weeks, so I go to the grocery store on the way home.

I’ve seen all the news, lots of Facebook pictures of empty shelves, but I was not prepared for this madness. There’s a line of like five people by the frozen goods aisle, trying to get pizza.

So I decide to go get some ramen. I know it’s not the best, but it keeps forever and I’ve been perfec...

Beyonce was just telling me the best way to source product for my new pillow-making side-hustle. I was very surprised when she suggested punching a duck in the face.

I replied - I didn't know you could get down like that.

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Recently, a woman was knocking on my door asking me if I was interested in her product.

She told me this: “I am the representative from the carpet cleaning company down the street and we were wondering if you were interested in one of our products.” I looked at her and saw the LGBTQ+ button on her shoulder. “Sure. What is it called?” “The Carpet Muncher.”

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Eleventh Husband

A lawyer married a woman who had previously divorced ten husbands.

On their wedding night, she told her new husband, "Please be gentle, I'm still a virgin."

"What?" said the puzzled groom? "How can that be if you've been married ten times?"

"Well, Husband #1 was a sales represen...

Apple made a new tablet computer catered towards children but had to abandon the product before it hit the market...

... market research deemed that "iTouch Kids" didn't go well with the target audience.

My new girlfriend told me she doesn’t eat dairy products.

I said “No whey!”

What do plumbers, garbagemen,and economists all have in common?

They all deal with gross domestic product.

I tell my wife to buy good quality products but she always gets cheap junk.

The only thing in our house that doesn't suck is the vacuum cleaner.

I don't know man, seems like you should just die

All my life: Be productive or die

Life right now: Be unproductive or die

Me: What to do?

Government: I don't know man, seems like you should just die

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Bovine Economics

Basic Economics, brought up to date...



\*\*SOCIALISM\*\*



You have 2 cows.



You give one to your neighbor.



The government charges a gift tax.







\*\*COMMUNISM\*\*



You have 2 cows.



The...

Did you hear about the stage production called “Dictionary”?

It’s a play on words.

What is Thanos' favorite dairy product?

Half and Half

‘Whaling is the hunting of whales for their usable products such as meat and blubber.’

\[ CETACEAN NEEDED \]

Damn girl are you an apple product?

Because you’re expensive and useless

Everything you need to know about Australia

I REALLY hope these are true


These were posted on an Australian Tourism Website and the answers are the actual responses by the website officials, who obviously have a great sense of humour (not to mention a low tolerance threshold for stupid questions!)


\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\...

What is Pavlov's favorite hair product?

Conditioner

Why is the Great Wall of China considered one of the seven wonders of the world?

Because it is an actual long-lasting Chinese product.

What did the tickle me elmo get when he left the production line?

Two test tickles.

LPT: Always read product reviews before buying electronics

Like a lot of people, I’ve been drawn in by Amazon to check out their prime day deals. I was browsing through the electronics earlier, looking for a new flash drive for transferring documents between my home and work computers. The primary one I use currently is only USB 2.0 and I figured it might ...

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My girlfriend said that having sex all day isn’t productive.

And I said no, but it is reproductive.

PlayStation is like Mike Bloomberg

They both spent too much on advertising and too little on the actual product

Three old women sat smoking in a park

As the day went on it grew darker and eventually it began to rain. The first two ladies pulled out condoms, cut the tips off and rolled them over their cigarettes and continue to smoke. The third lady was amazed at this product that allowed her friends to smoke in the rain. “What are those and where...

Milk production at a dairy farm was low, so the farmer wrote to the local university, asking for help from academia.

A multidisciplinary team of professors was assembled, headed by a theoretical physicist, and two weeks of intensive on-site investigation took place. The scholars then returned to the university, notebooks crammed with data, where the task of writing the report was left to the team leader. Shortly t...

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A guy from Apple promised me a pre-release of a new product if I sucked his cock this morning. As if I would compromise my values for such a materialistic item!

Sent from my iPhone XI

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What do you call it when you get your dick stuck in an Apple product?

A Steve Job

What do you call a child born from incest?

Gross Domestic Product

What do you call an absurd comedic production that won’t end?

An unstoppable farce.

Apple needs to come up with a new creative naming scheme for their products...

You know what iMean?

David and Shane worked for a small furniture company which had recently developed a new product.

They had been developing a new kind of smart shelf, and it was finally finished. This shelf had everything! Part of it featured a built in wireless charger, there were USB ports, part of it could flip up to reveal a screen which could be used as digital picture frame as well as had access to YouTube...

What's the difference between a professional engineer and an amateur?

How quickly the product dies after the warranty period

I'm boycotting apple products.

Because they're taking away work from all those doctors.

Milk, cheese and yogurt may be different products

But their origins are udderly similar.

Seems like there are very few products made in America any more. I just bought a TV and it said,

Built in Antenna.

Despite the fact that whenever I eat any products with wheat in I get stomach cramps, I still regularly enjoy consuming it.

You could say that I'm a gluten for pun-ishment.

Why does Eric Clapton only buy apple products

Because his son had a bad experience with windows

Product testing

Manager : Guys we need to stop testing on animals
Supervisor : But Shampoo companies have been doing it for years
Manager : Yeah, but we make hydraulic presses.

What do you call the misguided act of worshipping mediocre products at rock-bottom prices?

I-Dollar-Tree

Ford bought Nissan and discontinued all truck production.

They wanted to Explorer the final Frontier.

For something’s that’s made in China, this Coronavirus seems to be lasting a while!

Most successful product they’ve made yet. It’s really catching on.

Talking about a one-dimensional space isn't always productive

But it's usually not pointless

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My buddy started an amputee porn production company.

He calls it XYX.

A man stopped me in the street yesterday

And asked "what grooming products do you use?"

"Haribo's and Facebook works every time" I said.

You know why deaf people don't buy new products?

They've never heard of them

A young woman gets her first job at the Tickle-me Elmo factory.

The boss takes her up to the office that overlooks the assembly line and tells her what her job is. Then he sends her down. About an hour later the line leader comes up to the office and says, “Boss you gotta get this new girl off my line. She’s killing production.”
The boss looks down out of his...

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