The 70+ Best Salt Jokes

Whenever my enemies are badly cut, I never rub salt in their wounds....

That would be adding in salt to injury.

In which state is the Great Salt Lake?

Liquid

Girl, our relationship is like a Himalayan pink salt lamp…

I don’t think it’s working, and I feel nothing.

I was going to make a salt joke

But Na, people won’t get it

The salt packet says it was created from a 250 million year old Himalayan rock salt bed

The label says the expiry date is June 2018.

I'm so glad they dug it up just in time

What do you call a gun that shoots salt.

A-salt rifle.

Did you know that if you mix diet coke, bicarb soda, table salt and bleach together in a mop bucket....

You get yelled at by the manager of Walmart

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

My therapist said the best treatment for depression is to vigorously rub salt into my skin in order to draw out excess moisture.

Wow thanks I'm cured.

I was eating at a restaurant the other day when a lawyer sat at the next table across from me. The waiter arrived to take his order and accidentally knocked the salt and pepper straight into his lap.

I thought, “Now there’s a seasoned professional”.

Did you hear about the guy who was addicted to eating salt?

Don't worry, he was cured.

Why does everyone add salt to their meals?

It’s sodium goooood

Why do fish live in salt water?

Because pepper water would make them sneeze.

(Roughly translated from a recent issue of *Acadie Nouvelle*)

Why is there a ring of salt around the rim of a margarita glass?

To keep the spirits from escaping.

The oceans are comprised of minimally-carbonated salt water.

Therefore, the Earth is flat.

Pepper and salt shakers.

True story - happened at a restaurant this afternoon with my 4 year old daughter L.

L, pointing to the stainless steel shakers: How do you know which is salt and which is pepper?

Me: Look at the holes on top. If it is the letter S, it's salt. If it is the letter P, it's pepper.
...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A blind man goes into a bakery, touches the salt croissant and says...

...WHICH IDIOT WROTE THIS BULLSHIT ON IT!?

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A wife was making a breakfast of fried eggs for her husband. Suddenly, her husband burst into the kitchen. "Careful," he said, "CAREFUL! Put in some more butter! Oh my gosh! You're cooking too many at once.

TOO MANY! Turn them! TURN THEM NOW! We need more butter. Oh my gosh! WHERE are we going to get MORE BUTTER? They're going to STICK! Careful. CAREFUL! I said be CAREFUL! You NEVER listen to me when you're cooking! Never! Turn them! Hurry up! Are you CRAZY? Have you LOST your mind? Don't forget to sal...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A man is sitting on a flight from NYC to London

He feels a little cold, so he asks the cabin attendant for a blanket. The cabin crew completely ignores him. On the seat next to him is no other than a parrot. The parrot screams "get me a scotch on the rocks you stupid cunt". Not a moment passes and the parrot gets a nice glass of whiskey. The man ...

Did you hear about the chef that threw salt in a person's eyes, followed by dumping a bowl of batter over his head?

He was charged with a salt and battering

The year is 2020 and the United States has just elected the first woman, from Alabama , as president.

The year is 2020 and the United States has just elected the first woman, from Alabama , as president.

A few days after the election the president-elect calls her father and says,

'So, Daddy, I assume you will be coming to my inauguration?'

'I don't think so. It's a 16 hour driv...

Does anybody know any jokes about salt?

I thought about posting a joke about salt

but then I thought, Na, this is r/jokes, and these guys are sodium, they just won't get it.

More salt?

Na.

I always take life with a grain of salt...

Plus, a slice of lemon. And a shot of tequila.

[spoilers] Roses are red, the sea's full of salt

Everyone's dead, It's all Star Lord's fault.

My head chef had his 10 year anniversary in work today. I put some salt and pepper on him.

He's a seasoned professional

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I had a bad habit of stealing salt from my local deli...

For some reason, I loved putting the salt all over me, even sleeping in piles of it. I talked to a therapist about this problem, and he suggested the first step is confessing it to the store owners. I told them about what I've been doing every time I visit their shop and that seemed to do the trick....

Salt: So nice to see you. Paprika: How do you do?

Nutmeg: 'Sup.

Garlic: Yo!

Pepper: HI!

Oregano: Hola.

Seasons' Greetings everyone

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What did Mr. Salt tell Mrs. Pepper before they had sex?

Hold on, let me get some condomints.

Why did the Romans pay their soldiers in salt?

So they would end up with seasoned veterans.

I have an idea for a sitcom about a salt water fish and fresh water fish that start a family.

It’s called “Brackish”.

Did you hear about the guy with dementia floating out into the great salt lake?

He was drifting slowly into salinity.

Flour, sugar, salt, water and yeast grew up together in jail.

Guess you could say they were bread in captivity.

I got knocked off my bike by a salt spreading truck last winter.

"You IDIOT" I shouted through gritted teeth.

A wife is frying eggs for her husband in the morning

Suddenly the husband appears behind the wife's back and says:

"Careful, CAREFUL, put more fat in the pan! You're frying too many at a time. TOO MANY! Flip them! FLIP THEM! Come on!
Put more fat in there. Oh dear lord. How are you gonna make space for the fat now, look, they're sticking to ...

When I passed through Nevada, all i saw were ho's. Then in Utah, I didnt see as many, but there were quite a few ho's if you looked. When I left Salt Lake City, the truth hit me like a brick when I crossed the border...

Idaho.

After a fire, the corpse of a man is found in a burned-out warehouse. The investigation found that he first set a fire, ate an excessive amount of salt, then used a contraption to bury himself in tons more.

The investigators concluded that his self-preservation instinct must have kicked in.

A man is putting salt around the city of Paris, France...

A man is putting salt around the city of Paris, France. A woman walks by and asks why he is spreading salt around. “Well, it keeps the elephants away!” He replied. “But there are no elephants in Paris!” The woman said. ...

I want to treat the roads with sugar instead of salt

This way, you know... Everyone can have a sweet ride

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

An old salt walks into a harbor bar and sees a man he thinks he knows with a hook hand, a peg leg and an eye patch.

He says,"Ahoy, aren't you Cap'n Jones?", The old sea dog says,"Aye, Cap'n Jones I am." The tar says "I sailed with ye years ago. But last time I saw ye, ye were a whole man. What happened to your leg?" Jones answers "Lost it inna battle, cannonball took it off at the knee." "Surely bad, and how abo...

Does anyone have any salt water survival tips? I could really use some help.

I'm sort of in a pickle.

I told my wife that it was her turn to shovel and salt the front steps.

All I got were Icy Stares.

I had dinner with my mother in law the other night. Was gonna ask "would you to pass the salt, please"

But instead my tounge twisted and I said
"You stupid cow. You've completely ruined my life."

Me: Honey, can you please pass the salt?

My wife: Sure

My 5 year old son: Dad, why aren't you
eating that salt with your nose like you did yesterday?

I was supposed to go to a Salt N Pepa concert next week.

But because of the coronavirus they decided to push it.

If ponies like salt licks what do pirate ponies like?

G’Arrlics!

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

How do you get kosher salt?

you mix a hasidic jew and a halkaline jew

If you pour salt on a cat's tail, it'll fall off.

If you pour pepper on a cat's tail, it'll fall off, too.

Why does salt lake everything taste better

Because it's sodi-yummm!

What’s the difference between a Pulitzer Prize winning author and a carpenter from Salt Lake City?

One is Norman Mailer and the other is a Mormon Nailer.

What's the worst part about delivering salt in the winter

The work is only seasonal

What happened to Iron man when he wanted some salt?

He got a divorce form his wife Pepper.

what did the grain of salt say to the doctor?

Doc I think I tore NACL

What’s the opposite of Himalayan Salt?

Herastandin Pepper

I got knocked off my bike last night by a lunatic driving a salt lorry through deep snow. You complete idiotic moron I shouted

Through gritted teeth

What did the pepper say to the table salt?

Why you Sodium fine?

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I sexually identify as a 41 million square mile body of salt water

Im trans-atlantic

When is a product with 70% less salt a bad thing?

When you're buying salt.

Sea salt makes everything taste better.

Except when you’re drowning.

Why did Garry Kasparov took an hour to pass the salt?

Because the table cloth was checked.

Did you know it's illegal to combine sea salt and iodized salt?

They call it aggregated a salt...

What do you call a retired military member who has been showered in salt and pepper?

A seasoned veteran.

My dad is a rugged ex-Marine with a salt-and-pepper beard...

He's a seasoned veteran.

If you eat too many salted pretzels on Halloween, what happens the next day?

November thirst.

What did the salt say to his girlfriend?

Wow, you're so-dium beautiful

Our HOA voted no to convert our pool to salt water

Unfortunately the cannibal family was unable to muster support.

Before I go on any long journeys, I always put some salt and pepper on my head.

I'm a well-seasoned traveller.

How much salt does Jihadi John have on his chips?

Just a Daesh.

What do you do when you run out of salt for an experiment?

You get Mohr salt.

The seasons are all mixed up right now. It's supposed to be spring but it feels more like salt.

I'm so wintery

Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.