Salt Jokes - 70 Hilarious Salt Jokes

Why does everyone add salt to their meals?

It’s sodium goooood

Pepper and salt shakers.

True story - happened at a restaurant this afternoon with my 4 year old daughter L.

L, pointing to the stainless steel shakers: How do you know which is salt and which is pepper?

Me: Look at the holes on top. If it is the letter S, it's salt. If it is the letter P, it's pepper.
...

What do you call a gun that shoots salt.

A-salt rifle.

Girl, our relationship is like a Himalayan pink salt lamp…

I don’t think it’s working, and I feel nothing.

I was going to make a salt joke

But Na, people won’t get it

Did you hear about the guy who was addicted to eating salt?

Don't worry, he was cured.

In which state is the Great Salt Lake?

Liquid

The salt packet says it was created from a 250 million year old Himalayan rock salt bed

The label says the expiry date is June 2018.

I'm so glad they dug it up just in time

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A wife was making a breakfast of fried eggs for her husband. Suddenly, her husband burst into the kitchen. "Careful," he said, "CAREFUL! Put in some more butter! Oh my gosh! You're cooking too many at once.

TOO MANY! Turn them! TURN THEM NOW! We need more butter. Oh my gosh! WHERE are we going to get MORE BUTTER? They're going to STICK! Careful. CAREFUL! I said be CAREFUL! You NEVER listen to me when you're cooking! Never! Turn them! Hurry up! Are you CRAZY? Have you LOST your mind? Don't forget to sal...

I keep adding bath salts in the tub

But it still doesn't taste right.

Why do fish live in salt water?

Because pepper water would make them sneeze.

(Roughly translated from a recent issue of *Acadie Nouvelle*)

A wife is frying eggs for her husband in the morning

Suddenly the husband appears behind the wife's back and says:

"Careful, CAREFUL, put more fat in the pan! You're frying too many at a time. TOO MANY! Flip them! FLIP THEM! Come on!
Put more fat in there. Oh dear lord. How are you gonna make space for the fat now, look, they're sticking to ...

More salt?

Na.

The oceans are comprised of minimally-carbonated salt water.

Therefore, the Earth is flat.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A blind man goes into a bakery, touches the salt croissant and says...

...WHICH IDIOT WROTE THIS BULLSHIT ON IT!?

I thought about posting a joke about salt

but then I thought, Na, this is r/jokes, and these guys are sodium, they just won't get it.

Did you know that if you mix diet coke, bicarb soda, table salt and bleach together in a mop bucket....

You get yelled at by the manager of Walmart

[spoilers] Roses are red, the sea's full of salt

Everyone's dead, It's all Star Lord's fault.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

My therapist said the best treatment for depression is to vigorously rub salt into my skin in order to draw out excess moisture.

Wow thanks I'm cured.

Does anybody know any jokes about salt?

Why is there a ring of salt around the rim of a margarita glass?

To keep the spirits from escaping.

I always take life with a grain of salt...

Plus, a slice of lemon. And a shot of tequila.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A man is sitting on a flight from NYC to London

He feels a little cold, so he asks the cabin attendant for a blanket. The cabin crew completely ignores him. On the seat next to him is no other than a parrot. The parrot screams "get me a scotch on the rocks you stupid cunt". Not a moment passes and the parrot gets a nice glass of whiskey. The man ...

Salt: So nice to see you. Paprika: How do you do?

Nutmeg: 'Sup.

Garlic: Yo!

Pepper: HI!

Oregano: Hola.

Seasons' Greetings everyone

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I had a bad habit of stealing salt from my local deli...

For some reason, I loved putting the salt all over me, even sleeping in piles of it. I talked to a therapist about this problem, and he suggested the first step is confessing it to the store owners. I told them about what I've been doing every time I visit their shop and that seemed to do the trick....

Did you know it's illegal to combine sea salt and iodized salt?

They call it aggregated a salt...

Jesus paid Saint Peter a visit at the pearly gates

“How’s it going, Pete?”

“Kinda weird. Just had this nice older guy with a guitar come in, he said he was looking for a lost shaker of salt.

I said I don’t know where it is, but I thought I saw Mary Magdalene with one. He then just chuckled, said 'I knew it!' and walked away shaking h...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What did Mr. Salt tell Mrs. Pepper before they had sex?

Hold on, let me get some condomints.

The year is 2020 and the United States has just elected the first woman, from Alabama , as president.

The year is 2020 and the United States has just elected the first woman, from Alabama , as president.

A few days after the election the president-elect calls her father and says,

'So, Daddy, I assume you will be coming to my inauguration?'

'I don't think so. It's a 16 hour driv...

Why does salt lake everything taste better

Because it's sodi-yummm!

A man is putting salt around the city of Paris, France...

A man is putting salt around the city of Paris, France. A woman walks by and asks why he is spreading salt around. “Well, it keeps the elephants away!” He replied. “But there are no elephants in Paris!” The woman said. ...

Why did the Romans pay their soldiers in salt?

So they would end up with seasoned veterans.

Flour, sugar, salt, water and yeast grew up together in jail.

Guess you could say they were bread in captivity.

The Pope calls a huge meeting of all the Cardinals, Bishops & and Arch-Bishops to Vatican City…

He says to them, “I have good news and bad news. The good news is that I got a call from Jesus, He has returned and is ready to save those worthy of being saved. “

Everybody is thinking, “This is EXCELLENT news! What could possibly be the bad news?!”

He then says, “The bad news is that...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

How do you get kosher salt?

you mix a hasidic jew and a halkaline jew

Sea salt makes everything taste better.

Except when you’re drowning.

Me: Honey, can you please pass the salt?

My wife: Sure

My 5 year old son: Dad, why aren't you
eating that salt with your nose like you did yesterday?

I got knocked off my bike by a salt spreading truck last winter.

"You IDIOT" I shouted through gritted teeth.

Did you hear about the guy with dementia floating out into the great salt lake?

He was drifting slowly into salinity.

I want to treat the roads with sugar instead of salt

This way, you know... Everyone can have a sweet ride

What’s the opposite of Himalayan Salt?

Herastandin Pepper

I have an idea for a sitcom about a salt water fish and fresh water fish that start a family.

It’s called “Brackish”.

If ponies like salt licks what do pirate ponies like?

G’Arrlics!

Did you hear about the chef that threw salt in a person's eyes, followed by dumping a bowl of batter over his head?

He was charged with a salt and battering

If you pour salt on a cat's tail, it'll fall off.

If you pour pepper on a cat's tail, it'll fall off, too.

When is a product with 70% less salt a bad thing?

When you're buying salt.

Salt movie review

Gave me hypertension, 16/10.

What's the worst part about delivering salt in the winter

The work is only seasonal

Hey dad can you pass the salt?

I don't know son, can you pass the semester?

My head chef had his 10 year anniversary in work today. I put some salt and pepper on him.

He's a seasoned professional

What happened to Iron man when he wanted some salt?

He got a divorce form his wife Pepper.

What did the pepper say to the table salt?

Why you Sodium fine?

what did the grain of salt say to the doctor?

Doc I think I tore NACL

I was supposed to go to a Salt N Pepa concert next week.

But because of the coronavirus they decided to push it.

What did the salt say to his girlfriend?

Wow, you're so-dium beautiful

Why was the salt upset.

Because his best friend went to join the peperami.

What do you call a salt water duck?

A saltine quacker.

Why do fish swim in salt water?

Because pepper makes them sneeze.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I sexually identify as a 41 million square mile body of salt water

Im trans-atlantic

I've been getting into Bath Salts recently...

Nothing major it's just that if I'm gonna smoke crack in the bathtub I want that bath to be exfoliating.

What kind of ships can't go in salt water?

Snail-boats

Why was Six afraid of Seven?

Because Seven ate nine grams of bath salts and then killed all of the other numbers.

Why did Garry Kasparov took an hour to pass the salt?

Because the table cloth was checked.

I had dinner with my mother in law the other night. Was gonna ask "would you to pass the salt, please"

But instead my tounge twisted and I said
"You stupid cow. You've completely ruined my life."

The amount of salt on social media...

... is more than enough to cover all of the fries produced by McDonalds next year.

How much salt does Jihadi John have on his chips?

Just a Daesh.

My company uses salt water to solve any problem.

We are called Saline Solutions.

Why is there no salt in the ocean

Cause all of it is on the league of legends servers

My dad is a rugged ex-Marine with a salt-and-pepper beard...

He's a seasoned veteran.

What do you call a war hero covered in salt and pepper?

A seasoned veteran.

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