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"The only time I relax is when I'm processing all the horrible shit everybody pressures me into dealing with," I told my therapist.

"AITA?"

With all the increases in computer processing and storage...

You would think Microsoft would have released ExExcel by now.

"I'll close all other applications and only keep my internet browser up to save processing power,"

Said the Google Chrome user.

A robot broke a kids finger during a chess tournament.

Still processing it.

A Montana cowboy was overseeing his herd in a remote mountainous pasture when suddenly a brand-new BMW advanced out of a dust cloud toward him.

The driver, a young man in a Brioni suit, Gucci shoes, Ray Ban sunglasses and YSL tie, leans out the window and asks the cowboy, "If I tell you exactly how many cows and calves you have in your herd, will you give me a calf?" The cowboy looks at the man, obviously a yuppie, then looks at his peacefu...

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A woman walks into a bank to deposit $100,000 in cash

The bank manager decides to handle this himself, as it’s such a large deposit. As he is processing her request, he asks, “Do you mind if I ask what it is you do for a living?”.

She says, “I make bets with people…For example, I bet you $50,000 that your testicles are cube shaped, like dice”....

What do you call it when the floor staff at a chicken processing facility take over the business without the owner's permission?

A coup de coop.

My friend’s house stinks because he lives downwind from a milk processing firm.

Everything smells like dairy air.

Why did the optimist lose his job at the photographic processing lab?

He couldn't focus on the negatives.

I just got a job processing transactions for a global multi-billion dollar company!

I’m so thankful to McDonald’s for this opportunity.

Why is the SBA so slow at processing EIDL loans?

You try working in the dark and see how much you get accomplished.

What did bugs bunny save his word processing as?

Whats up.doc

I saw a bunch of geese and ducks on the lawn in front of the Tyson processing plant. Initially I thought of how horrible it was that they were there flaunting their freedom to the condemned chickens, but then I thought no.....

it's just fowl behavior.

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A man worked at a pickle processing plant and came home one day...

A man worked at a pickle processing plant and came home one day and told his wife, "I have this really strong urge to put my penis in the pickle slicer."

His wife was aghast and told him, "Honey, that would be horrible, just resist the temptation."

This goes on for some time, with the ...

Building grain processing facilities is a lucrative business

I’m hoping to make a mill by the end of the year.

Kim jong il takes Kim jong un on a visit to a food processing company.

Il points at a machine and says: “This one, you put a pig into it and sausages will come out on the other side. The power of science is amazing!” To which Un replied: “ Is there a device then, where you put in a sausage, and pig comes out?”


Kim jong il: YOURMOM

An Inspector goes to a Processing Plant

So an inspector goes to a processing plant. He walks up to the manager and says: ‘I hear you keep your animals in horrible conditions. I’m here to write a report.’

The manager gives a cold smile and says: ‘Where would you like to start?’

‘Let’s start with your pigs,’ says the insp...

I decided not to invest in that seafood processing plant...

...something smelled fishy.

The Robot Family.

It's a big night for XR-573, the patriarch of the robot family. Not only are all three of his sons going to be over for dinner for the first time in years, but all three of them have brand new fiancées! XR-573 and his wife Z7-271 are both very excited to see their children and learn all about their ...

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