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Processing Jokes

With all the increases in computer processing and storage...

You would think Microsoft would have released ExExcel by now.

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"The only time I relax is when I'm processing all the horrible shit everybody pressures me into dealing with," I told my therapist.

"AITA?"

"I'll close all other applications and only keep my internet browser up to save processing power,"

Said the Google Chrome user.

Why did the optimist lose his job at the photographic processing lab?

He couldn't focus on the negatives.

Why is the SBA so slow at processing EIDL loans?

You try working in the dark and see how much you get accomplished.

Building grain processing facilities is a lucrative business

I’m hoping to make a mill by the end of the year.

What did bugs bunny save his word processing as?

Whats up.doc

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Three people arrive at the gates of Heaven

St Peter is processing them in. "Name and occupation, please?"

The first one says "Andrea Smith, I was a doctor."

"Of course. Doctors who save lives are allowed. Come in. Next?"

The second one says "Megan Jones, I was a nurse."

"Of course. Nurses who care for the sic...

My friend’s house stinks because he lives downwind from a milk processing firm.

Everything smells like dairy air.

I just got a job processing transactions for a global multi-billion dollar company!

I’m so thankful to McDonald’s for this opportunity.

A man has his mother-in-law move in with him when she lost her job.

About a week later, he returns home from his job and finds her laying on the floor, unconscious. He calls 911, the ambulance comes and takes her off to the hospital.

He calls his wife and tells her she may have to cut her business trip short, but he'll keep her posted.

He gets to the ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A man worked at a pickle processing plant and came home one day...

A man worked at a pickle processing plant and came home one day and told his wife, "I have this really strong urge to put my penis in the pickle slicer."

His wife was aghast and told him, "Honey, that would be horrible, just resist the temptation."

This goes on for some time, with the ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A woman walks into a bank to deposit $100,000 in cash

The bank manager decides to handle this himself, as it’s such a large deposit. As he is processing her request, he asks, “Do you mind if I ask what it is you do for a living?”.

She says, “I make bets with people…For example, I bet you $50,000 that your testicles are cube shaped, like dice”....

An Inspector goes to a Processing Plant

So an inspector goes to a processing plant. He walks up to the manager and says: ‘I hear you keep your animals in horrible conditions. I’m here to write a report.’

The manager gives a cold smile and says: ‘Where would you like to start?’

‘Let’s start with your pigs,’ says the insp...

I decided not to invest in that seafood processing plant...

...something smelled fishy.

A Montana cowboy was overseeing his herd in a remote mountainous pasture when suddenly a brand-new BMW advanced out of a dust cloud toward him.

The driver, a young man in a Brioni suit, Gucci shoes, Ray Ban sunglasses and YSL tie, leans out the window and asks the cowboy, "If I tell you exactly how many cows and calves you have in your herd, will you give me a calf?" The cowboy looks at the man, obviously a yuppie, then looks at his peacefu...

Kim jong il takes Kim jong un on a visit to a food processing company.

Il points at a machine and says: “This one, you put a pig into it and sausages will come out on the other side. The power of science is amazing!” To which Un replied: “ Is there a device then, where you put in a sausage, and pig comes out?”
•

Kim jong il: YOURMOM

Q. Why were photographs so depressing before digital cameras were invented?

A. Because they spent too much time processing the negatives.

A robot broke a kids finger during a chess tournament.

Still processing it.

I saw a bunch of geese and ducks on the lawn in front of the Tyson processing plant. Initially I thought of how horrible it was that they were there flaunting their freedom to the condemned chickens, but then I thought no.....

it's just fowl behavior.

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