You wanna hear about the time I gave my girl a shot of sodium, bromine, and oxygen?

NaBrO

This joke may contain offensive words. πŸ€”

The year is 2100. Earth has been ravaged by a variety of natural and man-made disasters. All the flatlands are now seabeds after the ice caps have melted. Most of the planet's land is barren wasteland. Barely any oxygen is produced, and most animal life has died out.

All you can hear is cockroaches and The Rolling Stones 2100 Tour.

I have an oxygen addiction

I tried to quit, but after a few minutes I was feeling blue.

Two hydrogen atoms and an oxygen atom had a threesome...

Made me so wet.

I asked my friend to lend me some Oxygen and Potassium.

He said O-K.

This joke may contain offensive words. πŸ€”

A man is in hospital bed wearing oxygen mask over his mouth. (NSFW)

"Nurse", he mumbles. "Are my testicles black?" Nurse raises his gown, holds his penis in one hand & his testicles in the other, ...she takes a close look & says, "There's nothing wrong with them Sir." Man pulls off the oxygen mask, smiles at her & says very slowly. "Thanks for that, it w...

My friend said that he replaced the Oxygen with Uranium in a water molecule.

I was like, "HUH?"

If a chemistry student is too stupid to learn about Oxygen,

does that make him an oxymoron?

Did you hear that Oxygen and Magnesium hooked up last night?

OMg!

hey guys im trying out jokes, What do you get when oxygen and iron meet?

Ah darn, I forgot the punchline. Sorry guys Im a little rusty

Who wants to hear a joke about oxygen and potassium?

No one?

OK.

This joke may contain offensive words. πŸ€”

A male patient is lying in bed in the hospital, wearing an oxygen mask over his mouth and nose.

A young, student nurse appears to give him a partial sponge bath.
'Nurse,' he mumbles from behind the mask. 'Are my testicles black?'

Embarrassed, the young nurse replies, 'I don't know, Sir. I'm only here to wash your upper body and feet.'

He struggles to ask again, 'Nurse, please ...

Three atoms, hydrogen, helium, and oxygen walk into a bar.

They go up to the bartender, Germanium, and start to order their drinks, but soon realise they are short on cash.

Hydrogen says to Germanium, "Hey man, we've had a long week, bonding is hard. If we can make you laugh, can we drink for free tonight?"

Germanium thinks about it for a min...

When I heard the joke about oxygen and magnesium, I was like..

OMg

What did Oxygen say when he realized he is losing an argument with Hydrogen?

β€œOH”

Do you ever just accidentally infuse an extra atom of oxygen into your water?

Fear not, H2O2 is H2O too

Oxygen and potassium went on a date...

...it went ok.

Oxygen and magnesium went on a date.

The other chemicals were like 'omg'!

Two noble gases went on a date.

There was no reaction.

Two protons went on a date.

There was no attraction.

Hydrogen and chlorine went on a date.

They felt...

My social life is like an oxygen mask

Nonexistant unless something bizarre happens

Oxygen, Hydrogen, Sulfur, Sodium, and Phosphorus walk into a bar.

The bartender says: "OH SNaP"

What did the scientist said after mixing oxygen and magnesium?

O Mg

An oxygen atom was looking forward to a threesome,

Instead the poor guy got ozoned.

There was boy named Billy and he wasn't very smart

He lived with his mother in a small town. Nobody liked him because he was really stupid, least of all his school teacher who was always annoyed with him.

One day Billy's mother came to the school to learn how her son was doing. The teacher plainly told the mother that her son was a complete...

Oxygen tried to pick a fight with Helium

Helium didn't react at all, he simply rose above, Carbon was watching the whole thing and said, "That's very noble of you"

Consuming Oxygen is a dangerous addiction.

People just keep inhaling it till they die.

A guy goes in his car and gets out of the parking lot...

When suddenly, while going in reverse, he hits something with his car.
He immediately goes out and sees an Italian guy unconscious.
He takes him immediately to the hospital.
The sentence is clear: The guy is in a coma.
He anxiously waits outside for him to wake up.
After some time, he...

Oxygen and iron are on a date

Oxygen and iron are on a date at a karaoke bar and everyone is telling them to go sing. So they say "we're a little rusty but we'll give it a shot"

I was told that the friendship between sodium, potassium, and oxygen was bad.

I said, "Na. Pretty sure it is OK."

What is oxygen's favourite place?

The O zone

A science teacher tells his class, "Oxygen is a must for breathing and life. It was discovered in 1773."

A blonde student responds, "Thank God I was born after 1773! Otherwise I would have died without it."

What do you call a super watered down liquor with all the oxygen removed?

Hydro-gin

This joke may contain offensive words. πŸ€”

Why is oxygen like sex?

Because it's no big deal unless you're not getting any.

Hey, did you hear that Carbon and Oxygen broke up?

Yeah, it turns out their relationship was actually pretty toxic. Personally, I never saw it.

Two Hydrogens walk into a bar and spot an Oxygen

Feeling adventurous, they approach her and ask "Hey baby, can we interest you in a waterway?"

This joke may contain offensive words. πŸ€”

What did the sexual deviant hydrogen say to the oxygen?

Do you like bondage?

My favorite elements in the periodical chart are oxygen and potassium.

But most other people just find them O K.

An oxygen atom and a potassium atom were involved in a car accident

Fortunately, they came out OK

did you hear Oxygen and Magnesium got together

**OMg**

All I knew, till last week Oxygen was dating Potassium

But they said it was just **OK**

So Hydrogen finally admitted to Sodium that she had been bonding with Oxygen

Sodium reacted violently.

Why did prince Oxygen inherit the throne after the king died?

Because he was the rightful heir

What do you call it when Oxygen and Nitrogen train at the gym together?

Air conditioning

If Donald Trump was asked "If oxygen was discovered in 1783, how could human breathe before", this would probably be his answer.

I have to say a lot of people have been asking this question. No, really. A lot of people come up to me, and they ask me. They say, 'How do people breathe before the discovery of oxygen'? And I tell them, look, we know what oxygen is. We've had almost eight years of the worst kind of chemistry you c...

This joke may contain offensive words. πŸ€”

A guy was recruited for the first settlement on another planet....

The Settlement Chief met him on the landing site.

"This place is going to take some getting used to. It's like a mirror version of Earth. The elements which are rare on Earth are the most abundant here while the common elements are extremely rare."

"So why are we here then," the guy a...

How many electrons does a negatively charged oxygen atom have?

Nion

What do you call the iron-stealing, oxygen-depleting metalloproteins that lurk in the red blood cells of all vertebrates?

Hemogoblins.

This joke may contain offensive words. πŸ€”

Why is there a hole up the middle of a man's penis ?

To supply oxygen to the brain.

So an oxygen molecule walks into a bar... [biochem joke]

and goes up to the bar and orders a drink. As the bartender hands the Oxygen it's drink he notices the small molecule petrified with fear. He notices this and quickly realizes hemoglobin sitting alone in a corner booth with an obvious attraction to oxygen. The bartender looks and says to Oxygen "Don...

My chinese friend's grandfather got hit by a bus.

He was lying in his hospital bed when I came to visit him.
I had only entered the room when he began gasping and wheezing.
Worrying that he may be dying ,I quickly went near him and asked if he had any last words.
He then spoke in his native language, after a pause, in a very whispery tone...

I don’t know why everyone is so upset about untraditional family structures, it’s been happening in the animal world for years. For example, all water buffalos have three parents

One oxygen buffalo and two hydrogen buffalos.

A train conductor was arrested.

The police suspected him of murder but they didn't have any evidence. They did have motive though. They claimed that he killed his neighbor because he moved an umbrella out back and that blocked the sun light from his plant. This killed his plant and the conductor claimed that his neighbor was tr...

This joke may contain offensive words. πŸ€”

The year: 2029. A brilliant scientist is constructing the first sentient artificial intelligence.

He's working out of his garage in San Francisco, living on charitable donations from his worried friends. He dropped out of college when he realized he could change the world β€” there's no going back; his life is dedicated to this project. At first, he is met with failure upon failure. But then, he r...

Does making a chemistry joke make you sound smart?

Nitrogen Oxygen.

This joke may contain offensive words. πŸ€”

Notes from an inexperienced Chili taster named Frank, who was visiting Texas from the East Coast:

Recently I was honoured to be selected as an outstanding famous celebrity in Texas, to be a judge at a Chili cook-off, because no one else wanted to do it. Also the original person called in sick at the last moment, and I happened to be standing there at the judge's table asking for directions to th...