UPJOKE
waterhydrogenchemical elementgascombustionrespirationozoneheliumairnitrogenphotosynthesisseawateroxidechlorineacid

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A nurse at the ICU noticed a patient trying to say something through his oxygen mask.

Nurse: Sorry, what was that again?

Patient: Are my testicles black?

Nurse : Excuse me?

Patient : Are my testicles black?

The nurse was quite young and beautiful,and was used to getting hit on by patients. But seeing the state the poor man was in, she decided to check ...

Last week Oxygen took potassium on a date and it was just OK

Then yesterday I saw Oxygen with a date with Magnesium and I was like OMg

I have a oxygen addiction

I tried to stop yesterday, but after a minute I started feeling blue

Oxygen and potassium went on a date...

...it went ok.

Oxygen and magnesium went on a date.

The other chemicals were like 'omg'!

Two noble gases went on a date.

There was no reaction.

Two protons went on a date.

There was no attraction.

Hydrogen and chlorine went on a date.

They felt...

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Man in hospital bed wearing an Oxygen mask.

"Nurse" he mumbles "are my testicles black?" Nurse raises his penis and checks his testicles..she takes a close look and says, "They are fine Sir" Man takes off oxygen mask, smiles and says very very slowly, thanks for that, but listen very carefully,

"Are-my-test-re-sults-back?"

The low amount of oxygen in mountain-air will make you easily agitated

It's true. My friend moved to the Himalayas and he's had quite the change of altitude!

I was putting atoms together for chemistry. Until I put magnesium and oxygen together.

OMg

Oxygen and Potassium went on a date

It's totally OK

Religious

Ol' Fred had been a religious man who was in the hospital, near death. The family called their preacher to stand with them. As the preacher stood next to the bed, Ol' Fred's condition appeared to deteriorate and he motioned frantically for something to write on.

The pastor lovingly handed him...

An Oxygen molecule go sees a doctor

"Doc, Im suffering from terrible cramps" says the Oxygen Molecule.

"That's an easy fix," says the doctor, "Just eat some Potassium and you'll be OK!"

Oxygen is a toxic gas

You get addicted to it and can't live without it after taking it only once and anyone taking it dies at an average age of 80.

Two hydrogen atoms and an oxygen atom had a threesome...

Made me so wet.

I heard a joke about oxygen and potassium. I’d say it was pretty OK.

Yea, I also heard that sodium was under assault.

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A suspected Covid-19 male patient is lying in bed in the hospital, wearing an oxygen mask over his mouth and nose. A young student female nurse appears and gives him a partial sponge bath.

"Nurse,"' he mumbles from behind the mask, "are my testicles black?"

Embarrassed, the young nurse replies, "I don't know, Sir. I'm only here to wash your upper body and feet."

He struggles to ask again, "Nurse, please check for me. Are my testicles black?"

Concerned that he migh...

Michael Jackson, what element comes after Oxygen?

He He!

My blood sometimes, for no reason at all, decides to not carry enough oxygen.

I have fickle cell anemia.

NASA's Perseverance rover on Mars has successfully tested a device that can convert carbon dioxide (98% of Mar's atmosphere) into oxygen and carbon monoxide.

Sounds like a great idea, until all the Martians start dying from carbon monoxide poisoning.

With all my high level degrees and PHD's, I stumbled upon these questions......... 1. If poison expires, is it more poisonous or is it no longer poisonous? 2. Which letter is silent in the word "Scent," the S or the C?

3. Do twins ever realize that one of them is unplanned?

4. Why is the letter W, in English, called double U? Shouldn't it be called double V?r>
5. Maybe oxygen is slowly killing you and It just takes 75-100 years to fully work.

6. Every time you clean something, you just make som...

Oxygen, Hydrogen, Sulfur, Sodium, and Phosphorus walk into a bar.

The bartender says: "OH SNaP"

Why were oxygen, hydrogen and carbon wearing suites and ties?

Because they are formyl group.

What did methane say on reacting with oxygen in presence of m2o3?

That's the wrong hole that's the wrong hole



Context: CH4 + O2 ( in presence of Mo2O3)-->hcho(meth-anal)

Hey mate do you know what are the chemicals symbols for sodium, bromine and oxygen?

Na BrO !

A fish was on stage

telling jokes, when he seen a college kid an the crowd and asked “Hey kid ever try oxygen? Well don’t. I did once and now I’m hooked.”

A girl once asked me what my heart desired,

Apparently blood, oxygen and neural messages were all wrong answers.

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Why is sex and oxygen similar?

They’re both unimportant, unless you’re not getting any.

What did Sodium say to Bromine and Oxygen when they offered a threesome?

NaBrO

Biology tell me you're 70% water. Physics tells me that you're 99.99% empty space. Chemistry tells me that you're 60% oxygen.

But I'm telling you that you're a 100% CUTIE!!!

Oxygen tried to pick a fight with Helium

Helium didn't react at all, he simply rose above, Carbon was watching the whole thing and said, "That's very noble of you"

What is a WLAN cable?

78% nitrogen, 21% oxygen, 0.93% argon, 0.038% carbon dioxide, and trace amounts of other gases.

In the class on medical notions, the teacher asked the students to bring instruments used in a hospital.

In the class on medical notions, the teacher asked the students to bring instruments used in a hospital.

\- Susy, what did you bring?

\- A scalpel.

\- Who gave it to you?

\- My mother gave it to me.

\- And what did she say?

\- She said it's for cutting skin!...

Potassium and Oxygen hooked up

It would have been OK, if Potassium hadn't come first.

Bonus: Oxygen, Hydrogen, and Carbon always wear their best suits when they get together. They're a formyl group.

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A small boy

named Arthur lived in the local village . None of his classmates liked him because of his stupidity, especially his teacher, who was always yelling at him "You are driving me crazy Arthur!!!!!"
One day Arthur's mother came into school to check on how he was doing. The teacher told his mother hone...

What did Keanu Reeves say to the oxygen thief?

"Bring that back, it doesn't belong to you"

TIL a Goose's beak is composed of 4 elements: Hydrogen, Oxygen, Nitrogen, and Potassium.

HONK

My friend said that he replaced the Oxygen with Uranium in a water molecule.

I was like, "HUH?"

If a chemistry student is too stupid to learn about Oxygen,

does that make him an oxymoron?

A priest goes to visit a sick man in the hospital

When the priest arrives, the man begins to squirm and gesticulate. The family is scared. He makes a sign that he wants to write something. The son hands him a pen and paper. Man writes anything and dies. The priest keeps the paper in his pocket.

The other day, during the funeral, the priest r...

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Battle of the Organs

All the organs of the body were having a meeting, trying to decide who was in charge.

The brain said: "I should be in charge, because I run all the body's systems, so without me nothing would happen."

"I should be in charge," said the heart, "because I pump the blood and circulate oxy...

hey guys im trying out jokes, What do you get when oxygen and iron meet?

Ah darn, I forgot the punchline. Sorry guys Im a little rusty

I knew a chemist who survived solely on oxygen and potassium.

When I asked him what he felt like, he said OK.

You wanna hear about the time I gave my girl a shot of sodium, bromine, and oxygen?

NaBrO

My wife left me because she said I kept leaving oxygen tanks around the house.

I thought that they created atmosphere.

What did the scientist said after mixing oxygen and magnesium?

O Mg

Do you ever just accidentally infuse an extra atom of oxygen into your water?

Fear not, H2O2 is H2O too

A science teacher tells his class, "Oxygen is a must for breathing and life. It was discovered in 1773."

A blonde student responds, "Thank God I was born after 1773! Otherwise I would have died without it."

Three atoms, hydrogen, helium, and oxygen walk into a bar.

They go up to the bartender, Germanium, and start to order their drinks, but soon realise they are short on cash.

Hydrogen says to Germanium, "Hey man, we've had a long week, bonding is hard. If we can make you laugh, can we drink for free tonight?"

Germanium thinks about it for a min...

I was told that the friendship between sodium, potassium, and oxygen was bad.

I said, "Na. Pretty sure it is OK."

An oxygen atom was looking forward to a threesome,

Instead the poor guy got ozoned.

What do you call it when Oxygen and Nitrogen train at the gym together?

Air conditioning

My social life is like an oxygen mask

Nonexistant unless something bizarre happens

So Hydrogen finally admitted to Sodium that she had been bonding with Oxygen

Sodium reacted violently.

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The year is 2100. Earth has been ravaged by a variety of natural and man-made disasters. All the flatlands are now seabeds after the ice caps have melted. Most of the planet's land is barren wasteland. Barely any oxygen is produced, and most animal life has died out.

All you can hear is cockroaches and The Rolling Stones 2100 Tour.

Hey, did you hear that Carbon and Oxygen broke up?

Yeah, it turns out their relationship was actually pretty toxic. Personally, I never saw it.

What is oxygen's favourite place?

The O zone

Elements of the periodic table are being interviewed

The interviewer asks Oxygen what they are. Oxygen says "I'm a gas."


The interviewer asks Copper what they are. Copper says "I'm a solid."


The interviewer asks Bromine what they are. Bromine says "I'm a liquid."


The interviewer asks Roentgenium what they are. Roentgen...

What do you call a super watered down liquor with all the oxygen removed?

Hydro-gin

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A lesson about the parts of the body

One day the parts of the body were arguing about who should be in charge.

The legs said, “Well I carry you all everywhere so I should be in charge!”

The arms said, “Well I get all the stuff for the body so I should be in charge!”

The lungs said, “Well I get all the oxygen for th...

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What did the sexual deviant hydrogen say to the oxygen?

Do you like bondage?

Two Hydrogens walk into a bar and spot an Oxygen

Feeling adventurous, they approach her and ask "Hey baby, can we interest you in a waterway?"

Oxygen and iron are on a date

Oxygen and iron are on a date at a karaoke bar and everyone is telling them to go sing. So they say "we're a little rusty but we'll give it a shot"

The young salesman

A young guy from Texas moves to California and goes to one of those big "everything under one roof" stores looking for a job.

The manager asked, "Do you have any sales experience?"

The kid said, "Sure, I was a salesman back home in Texas."

The boss liked the kid so he gave him t...

COVID-19 plagues a rural country town in the States.

Lockdowns have been imposed, and the infection rate is rising fast. An overweight and diabetic anti-masker is standing on the steps of the church, going against lockdown procedures, when a bystander coming from the grocery store walks by. “Better return home man, the infection rate is rising fast!”<...

Why did prince Oxygen inherit the throne after the king died?

Because he was the rightful heir

An oxygen atom and a potassium atom were involved in a car accident

Fortunately, they came out OK

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