UPJOKE
waterhydrogenchemical elementgascombustionrespirationozoneheliumairnitrogenphotosynthesisseawateroxidechlorineacid

Oxygen and potassium went on a date...

...it went ok.

Oxygen and magnesium went on a date.

The other chemicals were like 'omg'!

Two noble gases went on a date.

There was no reaction.

Two protons went on a date.

There was no attraction.

Hydrogen and chlorine went on a date.

They felt...

Last week Oxygen took potassium on a date and it was just OK

Then yesterday I saw Oxygen with a date with Magnesium and I was like OMg

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A nurse at the ICU noticed a patient trying to say something through his oxygen mask.

Nurse: Sorry, what was that again?

Patient: Are my testicles black?

Nurse : Excuse me?

Patient : Are my testicles black?

The nurse was quite young and beautiful,and was used to getting hit on by patients. But seeing the state the poor man was in, she decided to check ...

I have a oxygen addiction

I tried to stop yesterday, but after a minute I started feeling blue

Oxygen and Potassium went on a date

It's totally OK

I am writing a thesis on how plants create oxygen.

There is only text and no photos-ynthesis.

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Man in hospital bed wearing an Oxygen mask.

"Nurse" he mumbles "are my testicles black?" Nurse raises his penis and checks his testicles..she takes a close look and says, "They are fine Sir" Man takes off oxygen mask, smiles and says very very slowly, thanks for that, but listen very carefully,

"Are-my-test-re-sults-back?"

I was putting atoms together for chemistry. Until I put magnesium and oxygen together.

OMg

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A suspected Covid-19 male patient is lying in bed in the hospital, wearing an oxygen mask over his mouth and nose.

A young
student female nurse appears and gives
him a partial sponge bath.

"Nurse," he mumbles from behind the
mask, "are my testicles black?"

Embarrassed, the young nurse replies, "I
don't know, Sir. I'm only here to wash your
upper body and feet."

He struggles to...

An Oxygen molecule go sees a doctor

"Doc, Im suffering from terrible cramps" says the Oxygen Molecule.

"That's an easy fix," says the doctor, "Just eat some Potassium and you'll be OK!"

Two hydrogen atoms and an oxygen atom had a threesome...

Made me so wet.

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Man runs over a Chinese man with his car

A man accidentally runs over a chinese man with his car. He takes him to a nearby hospital where he barely makes it out alive but is in a coma. Riddled with guilt, the man decides to visit the chinese man everyday in the hospital. He tries to talk to him everyday hoping he'd come out of his comatose...

Michael Jackson, what element comes after Oxygen?

He He!

Oxygen is a toxic gas

You get addicted to it and can't live without it after taking it only once and anyone taking it dies at an average age of 80.

I heard a joke about oxygen and potassium. I’d say it was pretty OK.

Yea, I also heard that sodium was under assault.

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Whenever you think you're a waste of space and oxygen in this world,

remember dislike buttons exist on youtube.

A mathematician, physicist and chemist go on vacation together.

They take separate rooms at the hotel.

The mathematician can't sleep so he goes to his balcony and looks into the chemist's room.

A fire breaks out in the chemist's room and the mathematician panics.

He then sees the chemist wake up calmly and create a solution from the ingred...

My blood sometimes, for no reason at all, decides to not carry enough oxygen.

I have fickle cell anemia.

Oxygen, Hydrogen, Sulfur, Sodium, and Phosphorus walk into a bar.

The bartender says: "OH SNaP"

Hey mate do you know what are the chemicals symbols for sodium, bromine and oxygen?

Na BrO !

NASA's Perseverance rover on Mars has successfully tested a device that can convert carbon dioxide (98% of Mar's atmosphere) into oxygen and carbon monoxide.

Sounds like a great idea, until all the Martians start dying from carbon monoxide poisoning.

Why were oxygen, hydrogen and carbon wearing suites and ties?

Because they are formyl group.

Religious

Ol' Fred had been a religious man who was in the hospital, near death. The family called their preacher to stand with them. As the preacher stood next to the bed, Ol' Fred's condition appeared to deteriorate and he motioned frantically for something to write on.

The pastor lovingly handed him...

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Why is sex and oxygen similar?

They’re both unimportant, unless you’re not getting any.

What did Sodium say to Bromine and Oxygen when they offered a threesome?

NaBrO

What did methane say on reacting with oxygen in presence of m2o3?

That's the wrong hole that's the wrong hole



Context: CH4 + O2 ( in presence of Mo2O3)-->hcho(meth-anal)

Biology tell me you're 70% water. Physics tells me that you're 99.99% empty space. Chemistry tells me that you're 60% oxygen.

But I'm telling you that you're a 100% CUTIE!!!

Oxygen tried to pick a fight with Helium

Helium didn't react at all, he simply rose above, Carbon was watching the whole thing and said, "That's very noble of you"

Potassium and Oxygen hooked up

It would have been OK, if Potassium hadn't come first.

Bonus: Oxygen, Hydrogen, and Carbon always wear their best suits when they get together. They're a formyl group.

I made smothered pork chops for dinner.

Now the pillow I used to cut off oxygen is covered with grease.

hey guys im trying out jokes, What do you get when oxygen and iron meet?

Ah darn, I forgot the punchline. Sorry guys Im a little rusty

TIL a Goose's beak is composed of 4 elements: Hydrogen, Oxygen, Nitrogen, and Potassium.

HONK

I knew a chemist who survived solely on oxygen and potassium.

When I asked him what he felt like, he said OK.

What did the scientist said after mixing oxygen and magnesium?

O Mg

My friend said that he replaced the Oxygen with Uranium in a water molecule.

I was like, "HUH?"

My wife left me because she said I kept leaving oxygen tanks around the house.

I thought that they created atmosphere.

If a chemistry student is too stupid to learn about Oxygen,

does that make him an oxymoron?

Do you ever just accidentally infuse an extra atom of oxygen into your water?

Fear not, H2O2 is H2O too

A science teacher tells his class, "Oxygen is a must for breathing and life. It was discovered in 1773."

A blonde student responds, "Thank God I was born after 1773! Otherwise I would have died without it."

With all my high level degrees and PHD's, I stumbled upon these questions......... 1. If poison expires, is it more poisonous or is it no longer poisonous? 2. Which letter is silent in the word "Scent," the S or the C?

3. Do twins ever realize that one of them is unplanned?

4. Why is the letter W, in English, called double U? Shouldn't it be called double V?r>
5. Maybe oxygen is slowly killing you and It just takes 75-100 years to fully work.

6. Every time you clean something, you just make som...

You wanna hear about the time I gave my girl a shot of sodium, bromine, and oxygen?

NaBrO

What do you call it when Oxygen and Nitrogen train at the gym together?

Air conditioning

What is toxic at first, but makes life a lot more fun when everyone is used to it?

Oxygen

A girl once asked me what my heart desired,

Apparently blood, oxygen and neural messages were all wrong answers.

Consuming Oxygen is a dangerous addiction.

People just keep inhaling it till they die.

Three atoms, hydrogen, helium, and oxygen walk into a bar.

They go up to the bartender, Germanium, and start to order their drinks, but soon realise they are short on cash.

Hydrogen says to Germanium, "Hey man, we've had a long week, bonding is hard. If we can make you laugh, can we drink for free tonight?"

Germanium thinks about it for a min...

I was told that the friendship between sodium, potassium, and oxygen was bad.

I said, "Na. Pretty sure it is OK."

Hey, did you hear that Carbon and Oxygen broke up?

Yeah, it turns out their relationship was actually pretty toxic. Personally, I never saw it.

An oxygen atom was looking forward to a threesome,

Instead the poor guy got ozoned.

So Hydrogen finally admitted to Sodium that she had been bonding with Oxygen

Sodium reacted violently.

My social life is like an oxygen mask

Nonexistant unless something bizarre happens

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The year is 2100. Earth has been ravaged by a variety of natural and man-made disasters. All the flatlands are now seabeds after the ice caps have melted. Most of the planet's land is barren wasteland. Barely any oxygen is produced, and most animal life has died out.

All you can hear is cockroaches and The Rolling Stones 2100 Tour.

What is oxygen's favourite place?

The O zone

Two Hydrogens walk into a bar and spot an Oxygen

Feeling adventurous, they approach her and ask "Hey baby, can we interest you in a waterway?"

What do you call a super watered down liquor with all the oxygen removed?

Hydro-gin

A fish was on stage

telling jokes, when he seen a college kid an the crowd and asked “Hey kid ever try oxygen? Well don’t. I did once and now I’m hooked.”

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Battle of the Organs

All the organs of the body were having a meeting, trying to decide who was in charge.

The brain said: "I should be in charge, because I run all the body's systems, so without me nothing would happen."

"I should be in charge," said the heart, "because I pump the blood and circulate oxy...

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What did the sexual deviant hydrogen say to the oxygen?

Do you like bondage?

Oxygen and iron are on a date

Oxygen and iron are on a date at a karaoke bar and everyone is telling them to go sing. So they say "we're a little rusty but we'll give it a shot"

An oxygen atom and a potassium atom were involved in a car accident

Fortunately, they came out OK

Why did prince Oxygen inherit the throne after the king died?

Because he was the rightful heir

What is a WLAN cable?

78% nitrogen, 21% oxygen, 0.93% argon, 0.038% carbon dioxide, and trace amounts of other gases.

My favorite elements in the periodical chart are oxygen and potassium.

But most other people just find them O K.

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