It's not for me. I dated carbon once, turns out they made everything up.
A new carbonated beverage mimics the sounds of a human voice when you pour it out of the bottle.
or out of the can, soda speak.
What are elderly people most deficient in?
How long does a carbon monoxide intoxication last?
Longer than you think.
Hydrogen and Carbon walk into a bar
Hydrogen: Hey I was thinking about starting a business about electrons and wanted to ask if you wanted to be a partner
Carbon: Sure! I’ve got nothing to lose!
When the carbon tax comes into effect, fragrance manufacturers will be upset..
..they will be paying per fume.
Sierra appears on a trivia game show. Her first question is about carbonated beverages. Sierra knows nothing about carbonated beverages.
Needless to say, Sierra Mist that question.
Why do all of the carbon atoms in benzene get along so well?
They learned to just let pi bonds be pi bonds.
Potassium and Oxygen hooked up
It would have been OK, if Potassium hadn't come first.
Bonus: Oxygen, Hydrogen, and Carbon always wear their best suits when they get together. They're a formyl group.
What do chemists call a benzene ring with iron atoms replacing the carbon atoms?
A ferrous wheel
How did the diamond find a girlfriend?
What do you call it when an organic lifeform goes out with another organic lifeform?
I made a web site for older people to hook up.
It's called Carbon Dating.
My carbon monoxide alarm went off in the middle of the night
It gave me a really bad headache, so I had to turn it off.
Are you a Carbon sample?
Because I want to *date* you.
A man was recruited for a space colony
He had been posted to a planet 14 lightyears from Sol. As his ship landed on the planet's glowing surface, he saw a car waiting for him.
"Welcome to Anti-Earth," The driver said, "don't worry we are going to change the name soon.I am here to take you to your quarters and show you the colony o...
I want my favorite bar to change its name to Carbon
So when I go there, I'll be in my element.
Where would you go if you want a tiny carbonated beverage?
Breaking News: United Airlines to replace carbonated beverage options.
They will now only sell punch.
Wow, carbon dating has improved in recent years!
A museum visitor was admiring a Tyrannosaurus fossil, and asked a nearby museum employee how old it was. "That skeleton's sixty-five million and three years, two months and eighteen days old," the employee replied.
"How can you know it that well?" she asked.
"Well, when I started wor...
Why are carbon chains with two double bonds so sad?
Because they're diene
Biochemistry joke- I once went carbon dating...
I was arrested because carbon was only 14
Paedophiles should be allowed to live near schools...
It reduces their carbon footprint
Antivaxxers are eco friendly!
They dramatically reduce their children's carbon footprint!
Why does carbon monoxide smell like
Don't you hate it when you're trying to have a nap and there's an alarm blaring in the background?
I just had to smash my carbon monoxide alarm to bits, it was giving me a bloody headache.
Have you heard about the new dating site for elderly people?
They call it Carbon-14.
This joke may contain profanity. 🤔
This should be a standard response to chemistry jokes
I refused to walk across hot coals because I'm an environmentalist.
I didn't want to have a large carbon footprint.
(real news) Select Starbucks stores have been offering customers the option of adding carbonation to their drinks.
In response, Dunkin' Donuts is offering customers the option of having an employee make motorboat noises into their coffee.
The Compost Heap
I was raised in a fairly hippy-ish town. The kind of place that was always looking to do something ecologically friendly in the days before the internet made it easy to share tips and tricks on how to cut down your carbon footprint.
One of the things they did was expand the recycling collect...
Why did the archaeologist’s wife divorce him?
He was carbon-dating behind her back
What did the student say after learning all the symbols on the periodic table?
“Fluorine-Uranium-Carbon-Potassium this! Never again!”
1 My kid’s made up Star Wars joke: What does Darth Vader exhale?
The power of Pepsi
So a couple of friends of mine, one black, one white were at a protest and wondered which carbonated drink makes the police the most peaceful. Turns out it really is Pepsi. You see, my white friend went up to the front of the protest and shouted to the cops "Anybody wanna buy some Pepsi?!" and the c...
What is the relationship between an old fossil and a paleontologist called?
I tried to ask Google for some good chemistry jokes.
But it just kept returning "Fluorine Uranium Carbon Potassium Oxygen Fluorine Fluorine."
I'm making an app like Tinder, but exclusively for paleontologists
I'm calling it "Carbon Dating"
Have you heard about that new app, “Cinder?”
It’s great for carbon dating!
(I just thought of this joke while walking to my car. I wouldn’t be surprised if I’m not the first to come up with it. Apologies, if it’s been made before.)
(In case it isn’t obvious, it’s a play on the *dating* app, “Tinder.”)
People make fun of anti-vaxx people but you gotta admit
They do reduce carbon emissions
Oxygen tried to pick a fight with Helium
Helium didn't react at all, he simply rose above, Carbon was watching the whole thing and said, "That's very noble of you"
I finally found an app for my senior love life!!
It's called Carbon Dating <3