The 76+ Best Liquid Jokes

Vodka isn't a liquid.

It’s a solution.

President Biden has announced water is now only legal in three states.

Solid, liquid and gas.

What's the fastest liquid on earth?

Milk. It's pasteurized before you see it.

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I heard they make Viagra in a liquid form now

That's good news because before it was a hard pill to swallow, but now I can enjoy a good stiff drink

A scientist took a selfie while he was drinking liquid nitrogen

He was quoted as saying "It was the coolest shot I ever took"

What type of liquid makes a waterbed the bounciest?

Spring water

does anyone here know what the liquid coming from your eye is?

Eye dew

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Little Johhny is staring at a jar of liquid in aw.....

Father O'Tuelley walks up and says "Johnny what do you have there?"

Little Johnny says "Oh Father it is the most powerful liquid on the face of the earth, it is turpentine!"

Father O'Tuelley says "I beg to differ the most powerful liquid on the face of the earth is holy wat...

What is big, long, red, spews a liquid from an opening, generates a lot of excitement among people, adults get to have a big one and children get to have a smaller one, makes people wet and is usually associated with "hot", and is related to/contains words that begin with F and end with U,C,K?

A firetruck :D

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What do liquid Draino and a Dutch stripper have in common?

They both slowly remove clogs.

I'll see myself out... Hey, at least it was original.
Thanks for the gold !

What’s the difference between a liquid and the matter baby?

What’s the matter baby?

Nothing honey

Liquid recently professed her love to solid…

However he was too dense to reciprocate her feelings

What did the teenager say when his friend told him that mexico had liquid cheese used for dipping?

"Kay, so?"

If I'm not a solid, a liquid, or a gas, does that mean...

...I don't matter?

I refuse to throw out the liquid on top of my yogurt.

That would be wheystful.

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Last night I reached for my liquid Viagra and accidently swigged from a bottle of Liquid Paper...

I woke this morning with a huge correction.

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My request for liquid nitrogen was denied by the principal.

Too cool for school!

If you drink the liquid from a Magic 8 ball

You can see the future. My brother did and immediately looked at me, said he was going to die, and then he died

As a practical joke I arranged a bucket of liquid nitrogen so that it fell on our chemistry teacher when he opened the door.

He must have found it funny. He completely cracked up!

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A female class teacher was having a problem with a boy in her 3rd grade class. The boy said, "Madam, I should be in Grade 4. I am smarter than my sister & she's in Grade 4".

The Madam had heard enough and took the boy to the principal. The principal decided to test the boy with some questions from Grade 4.

Principal: What is 3+3?

Boy: 6.

Principal: 6+6.

Boy: 12.

The boy got all the questions right. The principal told the Madam to send ...

A person in a lab coat places a glass half-filled with a yellow liquid in front of 4 people.

Immediately, the first person pipes up, "Ah, I see the glass is half full!" This person is an optimist.

The second person states, "Naw man, why would he bring us a half-full glass? He obviously drank some. It's now half empty." This person is a pessimist.

The third person scoffs, "Why ...

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A sex addict, an alcoholic and a pot head die and arrive at the gates of heaven.

Jesus is standing there looking at them sternly he says, " I stand at these gates to judge the souls that have passed on. If you do not deserve to enter heaven then you will be cast to the fire filled depths of hell where you will spend all eternity in agony."

The three sinners knowing the l...

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A man invites some of his fetish club over for breakfast....

They are catching up on life and swapping stories about work, their grandkids’ birthdays, their recent stock market fortunes, and so on, when the subject of what they’re most proud of comes up.

Gerald, a 35 year old dentist, proudly exclaims, “Of everyone here, I by far, have the larges...

How is the liquid inside the iPhone’s battery called?

Apple juice

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Top 3 most unattainable liquids in the universe

3. Extracted deathstalker scorpion venom, costing no less than $39,000,000 per gallon. Truly an enormous sum, even for the wealthiest of wealthy.

2. The wine from the holy grail, necessitating a hazardous journey to both life and limb, and discernable only to the purest of heart.

1. *T...

What big, brown, hairy, and has a white liquid inside?

Coconuts

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Two monks are taking a shower together.

Suddenly one of the monks notices that they forgot the soap. So he leaves the shower and runs to his room completely naked to grab some soap.

Once he's got the soap and is walking back he hears three nuns approaching.

Terrified that they might recognize him he freezes and pretends to b...

A monk, 3 nuns and liquid soap (long)

So 2 monks were going to have a shower and as they got in, they realised that they didn't have any soap so one of them went up to his room as he had some there. As he was leaving, he saw 3 nuns in the hallway so posed as a statue to wait for them to go past.

When they reached him, the first n...

What do you call a thick, sticky liquid that also can’t play bass guitar?

SID VISCOUS!

In which state is the Great Salt Lake?

Liquid

Two priests are in a shower.

They undress and step into the showers before they realize there is no soap.

Father John says he has soap in his room and goes to get it, not bothering to dress.

He grabs two bars of soap, one in each hand, while he is halfway down the hall when he sees three newly inducted nuns from o...

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My wife keeps asking why I drink a pink liquid whenever my stomach is upset.

Frankly, it's not her bismuth.

Which Science-Fiction author is the best source of liquid mercury?

HG Wells.

If you drink that fluorescent liquid there's inside those party bracelets you can predict the future

My friend just drank 5 of them and said he was going to die, 2 hours later he was dead.

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A new washing liquid has been launched

It is marketed as the Best Universal Grit Grime and Effluence Remover. So if Persil won't whiten it and Tide won't brighten it and Dash won't renew it - BUGGER it.

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An elderly Man goes to the Doctor.

Man:"Doctor i need help, recebtly i got a new Girlfriend, 26 years old and im pretty much impotent can you help me?"

Doctor:"I have the right thing for you, please drop your pants."

The Man drops his Pants and the Doctor puts a syringe in his Penis, containing a blue liquid.

The...

For 30 years I’ve made tools employing a chamber with a colored liquid and an air bubble, used to determine if a surface is perfectly horizontal. My wife says that’s not a career and that I’m a joke.

Yeah, well this joke has worked on so many levels.

My friend told me that his DIY liquid rocket made it to space...

I told him to quit being hypergolic.

Ever since I was a little boy, I’ve learned that there are four types of matter. Solid, liquid, gas, and...

Black lives

What happens when a duck changes from liquid to solid state?

It Quackulates!!

Some people dislike parsley in their liquid dishes

but I think it's soup herb.

What kind of dish washing liquid does a zombie use?

Dawn of the Dead.

An engineer had a sign in front of his clinic that said, "Medical consultation for only $50. If I can't make you better, I will pay you $100."

A doctor, knowing he can stump the engineer and wanting to get some cash, goes straight to the engineer. "Hey," he says. "I lost my sense of taste. I can't taste any food anymore."

The engineer takes a small bottle from his drawer, told the doctor to take his tongue out, and put 15 drops of t...

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A villager had a small penis and hated it...

One day, he decided he's had enough of his pitiful manhood and goes to see the village elder.

The elder referred him to a shaman living in the center of a village, so he went to see the shaman. When he got there, he told the shaman about his small penis.

The shaman nodded his head, and...

Doctor told me I can only eat liquid foods now

The truth was hard to swallow

What do you call an aquarium filled with liquid nitrogen?

Oxygen defishent.

What do you call the activity where you insert a hairy rod in your mouth and at the end you spit out a white liquid?

Brushing your teeth.

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They have liquid Viagra now

You can pour yourself a stiff one.

So I put my finger in liquid nitrogen today..

And I am glad to inform you it's still more than 0K.

Did you hear about the message that tricked ice to flash to vapor without first passing through the liquid state?

It was subliminal.

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I was at my buddy's bachelor party, when him and his brother handed me a glass full of yellow, lukewarm liquid. "Drink it!" they said giggling. It was only when I smelt it that I realized the prank the bastards were trying to pull...

Budweiser

A guy walks into a room to see his father standing over a bucket filled with red liquid.

"Father, what's happening?" he asks. The father replies
"I'm dying, son."

"Father, I said I wanted my shirts blue, not red!"

Sorry it's bad but hey, it's not a repost!
EDITED for clarification (am on mobile)

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My doctor just wrote me a prescription for liquid viagra.

Looking forward to pouring myself a stiff one.

#IllShowMyselfOut.

Why do prisoners prefer liquid soap?

Takes longer to pick up

When he dies my dad’s arranged to be liquidized.

He won't go to any funeral he can't get drunk at.

Breaking News: All liquids in Switzerland are being converted to a pH of 7

The government were asked if they thought this was good idea. They claimed to be neutral

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Most powerful liquid in the world

One day a preacher was out watering his lawn when he spied a young boy from his church running down the road with a bottle in his hand. He stopped him and asked, “What you got there, son?”

The boy replied “Turpentine preacher! It’s the most powerful liquid in the world!”

The preacher ...

I would tell you a joke about my washing up liquid...

But it’s not Fairy Original

My pharmacy is having a liquidation sale.

Laxatives are 50% off.

I could tell you that sodium hydroxide is a liquid out of solution.

But then that would be a lye.

When does a gas become a liquid?

When it stains your underwear.

I have a dishwashing liquid that attacks grease.

Mostly the uninspired cinematography and John Travolta's singing.

British Steel going into liquidation?

Isn't that just how it's made?

I was washing the dishes when a drop of the dishwashing liquid I was using somehow got to my eye. It stung so bad I started crying.

I guess this is what they call tears of Joy™.

How do you explain to someone that ice isn't a liquid?

Just give some solid facts.

The fish and chip shop near me has gone into liquidation

Now the owner is stuck between a rock and a hard plaice

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What has gas, liquid and solids on it at the same time?

Uranus.

What is the tastiest liquid in a fruit?

The IV Drip

Who's in charge of all the liquid measurements?

The liter.

My fruit and vegetable business recently went into liquidation

We now sell smoothies

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Viagra now comes in a liquid form, people in nightclubs have been putting drops of it in their eyes.....

Apparently it makes them look hard.

My wife and I have been arguing about hot liquids for weeks

But today, it all finally boiled over

Woman goes to see a doctor about her bed wetting problem

Doctors listens to her, nods sagely where appropriate and then tells her to strip. Woman is a bit confused but does as instructed. While she is undressing doctor places a big mirror on the floor and then tells woman to do a headstand over it. Even more confused woman does as instructed, figuring doc...

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All drugs have two names, a trade name and generic name

Example, the trade name is Tylenol and its generic name is Acetaminophen... Aleve is also called Naproxen.

Amoxil is also called Amoxicillin and Advil is also called Ibuprofen.

The FDA has been looking for a generic name for Viagra.

After careful consideration by a team of...

How much liquid can Monica Lewinskys mouth hold?

One U.S. Liter

I wanted to invest in Lumber Liquidators...

But wood stock hasn't been viable sincs the 60s.

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