This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I just found out that manure makes a great fertilizer.

I was so excited that I shit my plants.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

So I heard that the stock prices of fertilizer companies around the world started dropping about two months ago.

Apparently it has something to do with donald trump becoming the world‘s leading supplier of bullshit.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

There was a farm nearby, so I went to get some fertilizer, I already got it but I decided to bring it back..

Because it just looked like shit

What are the two steps to marrying a country girl?

First; a tractor.


Next; fertilizer.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Dude, I attended the fertilizer convention the other day...

...yeah, it was a real shitshow.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I used to sell fertilizer.

It was a bullshit job.

What do you call a self employed individual who works with fertilizer?

An Entremanure.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Every time I leave my house, someone steals all of my fertilizer.

Can't have shit in Detroit.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I tried to buy fertilizer and my card was declined. Its finally happened...

I cant afford shit.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Amazon won't refund me after sending me the wrong fertilizer.

This is some bullshit.

Two melons: A Love Story

One day two melons were laying next to each other in the sunny field. The same thing is also going on in an alternate universe. Tom Melon looks over and sees the most beautiful melon he’s ever laid his melon eyes upon. “I have to get over there and say something to her” he thinks to himself. So he r...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A farmer is at the bar complaining about a pushy fertilizer salesman.

There's only so much bullshit a guy can take.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Today in chemistry we learnt about how Ammonium nitrate could be used in fertilizer and as an explosive.

That's when I knew we were dealing with some explosive shit

How did the bag of fertilizer help the vegetable farmer pay his mortgage?

It raised his celery...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I’ve never been a fan of fertilizer...

I think it’s a load of shit to be honest.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I heard a rumor about the fertilizer industry.

Apparently, it's a very shitty buisness.

Did you know fences make good neighbors

And bad neighbors make good fertilizer.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

The family history of Jack Schitt

We find ourselves at a loss when someone says, "You don't know Jack Schitt!" So, I just researched about his family history for y'all.

Jack Schitt is the only son of Awe Schitt.

Awe Schitt, the fertilizer magnate, married Miss O. Needeep They had one son, Jack.

In turn, Jack Sch...

A farmer once bought some ammonium nitrate fertilizer, but it smelled weird,

so he put a sample in a pan and brought it to the nearest USDA branch. A security guard saw the pan full of fertilizer and yelled "bomb", but it was just panned ammonium

Two old Norwegians, Sven and Oli, were drinking coffee one morning and complaining about farming....

Two old Norwegians, Sven and Oli, were drinking coffee one morning and complaining about farming. Sven complained of the costs of fertilizer, and Oli asked why he didn't just use the nightsoil from his outhouse? Sven said, "Ya, well I used to, but I really hate shoveling it all out."

Now, O...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I'm a completely broke farmer. The other day I tried buying fertilizer on my only credit card and it was declined.

I literally can't buy shit.

I became rich by selling fertilizer.

I have some very prosperous phosphorus.

We need to get into the fertilizer industry...

I hear business is booming.

Surprise

Once there lived a woman who had a maddening passion for baked
beans. She loved them but unfortunately, they had always had a very
embarrassing and somewhat lively reaction to her.

Then one day she met a man and fell in love. When it became apparent that they would marry she thought ...

A republican politician dropped in on a farm and introduced himself as a Republican candidate

And as he tells it the farmer’s eyes lit up and then he said ‘Wait ’til I get my wife. We’ve never seen a Republican before.’ And a few minutes later he was back with his wife and they asked Prentiss if he wouldn’t give them a speech.


Well he looked around for a kind of a podium s...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

The Plan

In the beginning there was a Plan.

And then came the Assumptions.

And the Assumptions were without form.

And the Plan was without substance.

And darkness was on the face of the workers.

And they spoke among themselves, saying, "It is a crock of shit and it stinks."...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Jack Shitt: This Is His Story

WHEN SOMEONE SAYS TO YOU: "You don't know Jack Shitt"

\[Now you'll know the entire story!\]

**Jack Shitt** is the only son of **O. Shitt** and **Awe Shitt**. O.Shitt, the fertilizer magnate, married Awe Shitt, who later ran *the Kneedeep Inn-Shitt*. Jack Shitt eventually married **Noe...

Once there was a friar named John

John was a simple man who only wanted to plant flowers. But most people did not care about John's flowers. They would step on them, ride horses over them, and do many other horrible things to poor John's flowers. One day, a child let his dog relieve himself in the flowers, and that was the final str...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

An old farmer is known across the state for his giant pumpkins.

Every year he takes the blue ribbon at the state fair for biggest pumpkin, and every year his town throws a Pumpkin Parade for him where he drives the winner down Main Street in the back of his pickup, the local marching band plays, the mayor makes a speech--- the whole works. Makes the front page ...

A Muslim man wearing a Make America Great Again hat . . .

walks into a bookstore. After browsing around for a while a young woman in a headscarf walks up and says "Salaam, friend. I can't help but notice the hat you're wearing. You can't really support Trump, can you?"

Checking to make sure no one is listening, he whispers, "no, of course not, but k...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Did you hear the one about the Monastery?

There once was a monastery located in a small town. Over the years, less and less people were donating to the monastery and the friars that lived there started to fret about lack of funds. The friars sat night after night, brainstorming into the wee hours of the morning. Finally, they decided that i...

Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.