This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I tried to buy fertilizer and my card was declined. Its finally happened...

I cant afford shit.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Amazon won't refund me after sending me the wrong fertilizer.

This is some bullshit.

What do you call a self employed individual who works with fertilizer?

An Entremanure.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I used to sell fertilizer.

It was a bullshit job.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A farmer is at the bar complaining about a pushy fertilizer salesman.

There's only so much bullshit a guy can take.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Today in chemistry we learnt about how Ammonium nitrate could be used in fertilizer and as an explosive.

That's when I knew we were dealing with some explosive shit

How did the bag of fertilizer help the vegetable farmer pay his mortgage?

It raised his celery...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I’ve never been a fan of fertilizer...

I think it’s a load of shit to be honest.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Jack Shitt: This Is His Story

WHEN SOMEONE SAYS TO YOU: "You don't know Jack Shitt"

\[Now you'll know the entire story!\]

**Jack Shitt** is the only son of **O. Shitt** and **Awe Shitt**. O.Shitt, the fertilizer magnate, married Awe Shitt, who later ran *the Kneedeep Inn-Shitt*. Jack Shitt eventually married **Noe...

Bean Disaster

During lunch at work, I ate 3 plates of beans (which I know I shouldn't). When I got home, my husband seemed excited to see me and exclaimed delightedly, "Darling I have a surprise for dinner tonight." He then blindfolded me and led me to my chair at the dinner table. I took a seat and just as he wa...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I heard a rumor about the fertilizer industry.

Apparently, it's a very shitty buisness.

Once upon a time, there was a man who had a maddening passion for baked beans

Once upon a time, there lived a man who had a maddening passion for baked beans. He loved them but unfortunately they had always had very embarrassing and somewhat lively reaction on him. Then one day he met a girl and fell in love. When it became apparent that they would marry he thought to hims...

The Schitt Family

Who is Jack Schitt you ask? The lineage is finally revealed. Many people are at a loss for a response when someone says " you don't know jack schitt." Now you can intellectually handle the situation. Jack is the only son of Awe Schitt and O Schitt. Awe Schitt, the fertilizer magnate, married O Schit...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

The Plan

In the beginning there was a Plan.

And then came the Assumptions.

And the Assumptions were without form.

And the Plan was without substance.

And darkness was on the face of the workers.

And they spoke among themselves, saying, "It is a crock of shit and it stinks."...

A republican politician dropped in on a farm and introduced himself as a Republican candidate

And as he tells it the farmer’s eyes lit up and then he said ‘Wait ’til I get my wife. We’ve never seen a Republican before.’ And a few minutes later he was back with his wife and they asked Prentiss if he wouldn’t give them a speech.


Well he looked around for a kind of a podium s...

A farmer once bought some ammonium nitrate fertilizer, but it smelled weird,

so he put a sample in a pan and brought it to the nearest USDA branch. A security guard saw the pan full of fertilizer and yelled "bomb", but it was just panned ammonium

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I'm a completely broke farmer. The other day I tried buying fertilizer on my only credit card and it was declined.

I literally can't buy shit.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A turtle and a cat are gardening...

A turtle and a cat are gardening one day when the realize the need fertilizer. Their butler is too old to run the errand so they ask their friend rabbit to get it for them. Sure. After a couple hours the rabbit comes to his friends house and rings the doorbell. The butler answers. The rabbit asks...

I became rich by selling fertilizer.

I have some very prosperous phosphorus.

A Muslim man wearing a Make America Great Again hat . . .

walks into a bookstore. After browsing around for a while a young woman in a headscarf walks up and says "Salaam, friend. I can't help but notice the hat you're wearing. You can't really support Trump, can you?"

Checking to make sure no one is listening, he whispers, "no, of course not, but k...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

An old farmer is known across the state for his giant pumpkins.

Every year he takes the blue ribbon at the state fair for biggest pumpkin, and every year his town throws a Pumpkin Parade for him where he drives the winner down Main Street in the back of his pickup, the local marching band plays, the mayor makes a speech--- the whole works. Makes the front page ...

Once there was a friar named John

John was a simple man who only wanted to plant flowers. But most people did not care about John's flowers. They would step on them, ride horses over them, and do many other horrible things to poor John's flowers. One day, a child let his dog relieve himself in the flowers, and that was the final str...

We need to get into the fertilizer industry...

I hear business is booming.

Victor liked to reminisce of his high school days and asked his neighbors to call him The Victor

The Victor was also a gardener and wanted to stop buying fertilizer because it costed him too much money. He decided to start composting instead, but he lived alone so he didn’t make enough waste for his compost. Finally he decided to go door to door asking his neighbors for their spoiled food to a...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Did you hear the one about the Monastery?

There once was a monastery located in a small town. Over the years, less and less people were donating to the monastery and the friars that lived there started to fret about lack of funds. The friars sat night after night, brainstorming into the wee hours of the morning. Finally, they decided that i...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

2000 Indian Rupees

It is the month of November a resort town sits next to the shores of a lake. It is raining, and the little town looks totally deserted. De-monetization of 500 and 1000 Rupee notes has been announced and no one has cash.

Suddenly, a rich tourist comes to town. He enters the only hotel, lays a ...

There once was a group of monks in a town.

And they were excellent gardeners.

One day they found out that blood makes excellent fertilizer. So the monks started killing people in town and using their blood to fertilize the plants.

The townspeople got angry, so they up and told the monks to leave town. Except for Hugh, becau...

Jane goes to buy a car...

Jane went to buy a new car that she saw advertised for a certain price. After telling the salesman which car she wanted, they sat down to do the paperwork. The salesman handed Jane the bill, and she declared, “This isn’t the price I saw!”

The salesman went on to tell Jane how she was getting ...

Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.