The 32+ Best Radioactive Jokes

I like you, in a plutonic way.

"Don't you mean 'platonic'?"

No, plutonium, like radioactive exposure, the longer I'm with you the more I feel like dying.

doctor: you've been bitten by a radioactive shark me: so i'm gonna get shark powers right

doctor: you no longer have legs...

me: just like a shark.

What was the radioactive senior citizen's super power?

*Gramma Rays*

If you wear a radioactive belt...

...you end up with nuclear waist.

How can you tell that the children of anti-vaxxers are radioactive?

They have half-lives.

Did you hear about the superhero who was bitten by a radioactive lawyer?

He got the power of attorney.

So I just watched the music video for Radioactive, and if you think fighting stuffed animals are weird…

Imagine Dragons.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Radioactive Cats

They have 18 half lives

*I know its shitty, my teacher told me it and i just had to post.*

^(I'll leave now)

I found a radioactive cat.

It had 18 half-lifes.

Why was the radioactive food going to taste bad?

The meal would fallout of flavor.

What videogame do radioactive materials play?

Half-Life!

Wanna hear a joke about radioactive isotopes?

Sorry, it just decayed.

I quit my job at the radioactive waste treatment plant.

It had a toxic work environment.

What did the radioactive isotope say to the scientist?

I.D.K.

Everyone talks about Peter Parker because he was lucky enough to get bitten by the cool kind of radioactive spider...

My buddy Dave got bit by a radioactive brown recluse, and he just turned into a shut in.

The difference between retroactive and radioactive is what happened when my neighbor got a power bill with $1000 of retroactive charges.

She's marching around the front yard with a shotgun. I pity the first power company truck that drives by.

Last year I was bitten by a radioactive bed. And now...

I am the Lazyman!

It's Radioactive Man

"Up and atom!"

Where can you find radioactive turkeys?

Chergobble

Did you hear about the man that was bitten by a radioactive spider?

Me: Did you hear about the man that was bitten by a radioactive spider?

Friend: Spider-man?

Me: >!No...dead man.!<

There was a movie about a Mexican girl that was bitten by a radioactive salmon..

and of course she gained superpowers and became Salmon Ella.

The movie did great in Mexico, but unfortunately just made American audiences sick.

What's the difference between an anti-vaxxer and a barrel of radioactive waste?

Nothing. They should both be locked up and labelled "dangerous substance"

A man was recruited for a space colony

He had been posted to a planet 14 lightyears from Sol. As his ship landed on the planet's glowing surface, he saw a car waiting for him.

"Welcome to Anti-Earth," The driver said, "don't worry we are going to change the name soon. I am here to take you to your quarters and show you the colony ...

If your friend makes you feel sick, they're probably toxic.

If they give you a tingly feeling, they're probably radioactive.

Did you hear about the Grecian who ate a radioactive falafel?

He became a super-gyro.

The confused radioactive element

So there was a radioactive element who was perpetually confused.
One fine day, he was asked, "what do you do?".

"IDK".

If a family with a mother, father, and child is called a nuclear family...

...why isn't incest called radioactive dating?

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A guy was recruited for the first settlement on another planet....

The Settlement Chief met him on the landing site.

"This place is going to take some getting used to. It's like a mirror version of Earth. The elements which are rare on Earth are the most abundant here while the common elements are extremely rare."

"So why are we here then," the guy a...

After running his fingers over the raised Braille lettering on the surface, the blind man looked terrified

A passing man noticed this and asked him, "What did it say ?".

The blind man responded, "RADIOACTIVE. DO NOT TOUCH"

Why do you need to carry radioactive materials in sealed, lead containers?

To stop it from falling out.

Sphinx: What has four legs in the morning, two at noon, and three at night?

Me: A radioactive vietnamese soldier.

EDIT:
Sphinx: No no he’s got a point.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

The year: 2029. A brilliant scientist is constructing the first sentient artificial intelligence.

He's working out of his garage in San Francisco, living on charitable donations from his worried friends. He dropped out of college when he realized he could change the world — there's no going back; his life is dedicated to this project. At first, he is met with failure upon failure. But then, he r...

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