So I just saw the music video for Radioactive, and if you think fighting stuffed animals is weird...

...Imagine Dragons.

I like you, in a plutonic way.

"Don't you mean 'platonic'?"

No, plutonium, like radioactive exposure, the longer I'm with you the more I feel like dying.

How can you tell that the children of anti-vaxxers are radioactive?

They have half-lives.

doctor: you've been bitten by a radioactive shark me: so i'm gonna get shark powers right

doctor: you no longer have legs...

me: just like a shark.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Radioactive Cats

They have 18 half lives


*I know its shitty, my teacher told me it and i just had to post.*

^(I'll leave now)

What did the radioactive isotope say to the scientist?

I.D.K.

I found a radioactive cat.

It had 18 half-lifes.

What was the radioactive senior citizen's super power?

Gramma Rays

Why was the radioactive food going to taste bad?

The meal would fallout of flavor.

Last year I was bitten by a radioactive bed. And now...

I am the Lazyman!

What’s the difference between relative dating and radioactive dating?

Radioactive dating is a way to determine an object’s age, but relative dating is what goes down in Alabama.

Wanna hear a joke about radioactive isotopes?

Sorry, it just decayed.

Where can you find radioactive turkeys?

Chergobble

Did you hear about the man that was bitten by a radioactive spider?

Me: Did you hear about the man that was bitten by a radioactive spider?

Friend: Spider-man?

Me: >!No...dead man.!<

I quit my job at the radioactive waste treatment plant.

It had a toxic work environment.

Everyone talks about Peter Parker because he was lucky enough to get bitten by the cool kind of radioactive spider...

My buddy Dave got bit by a radioactive brown recluse, and he just turned into a shut in.

There was a movie about a Mexican girl that was bitten by a radioactive salmon..

and of course she gained superpowers and became Salmon Ella.



The movie did great in Mexico, but unfortunately just made American audiences sick.

If you wear a radioactive belt...

...you end up with nuclear waist.

The other day, I got bitten by a radioactive lawyer...

...I now have the power of attorney.

Did you hear about the Grecian who ate a radioactive falafel?

He became a super-gyro.

The confused radioactive element

So there was a radioactive element who was perpetually confused.
One fine day, he was asked, "what do you do?".

"IDK".

A man was recruited for a space colony

He had been posted to a planet 14 lightyears from Sol. As his ship landed on the planet's glowing surface, he saw a car waiting for him.

"Welcome to Anti-Earth," The driver said, "don't worry we are going to change the name soon. I am here to take you to your quarters and show you the colony ...

What do you call functioning communication equipment found in Chernobyl?

Radioactive.

If your friend makes you feel sick, they're probably toxic.

If they give you a tingly feeling, they're probably radioactive.

Why do you need to carry radioactive materials in sealed, lead containers?

To stop it from falling out.

If Ice Cream Required a Prescription

Each scoop would cost $300 negotiated down to a mere $50.

It would only be available at the pharmacy across town.

You would have to buy 200 pounds at a shot and store it on your own.

There would only be one flavor, black licorice.

It'll take 20 years for a generic ice...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A guy was recruited for the first settlement on another planet....

The Settlement Chief met him on the landing site.

"This place is going to take some getting used to. It's like a mirror version of Earth. The elements which are rare on Earth are the most abundant here while the common elements are extremely rare."

"So why are we here then," the guy a...

Sphinx: What has four legs in the morning, two at noon, and three at night?

Me: A radioactive vietnamese soldier.

EDIT:
Sphinx: No no he’s got a point.

If a family with a mother, father, and child is called a nuclear family...

...why isn't incest called radioactive dating?

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

The year: 2029. A brilliant scientist is constructing the first sentient artificial intelligence.

He's working out of his garage in San Francisco, living on charitable donations from his worried friends. He dropped out of college when he realized he could change the world — there's no going back; his life is dedicated to this project. At first, he is met with failure upon failure. But then, he r...

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