I found a radioactive cat.

It had 18 half-lifes.

So I just saw the music video for Radioactive, and if you think fighting stuffed animals is weird...

...Imagine Dragons.

What’s the difference between relative dating and radioactive dating?

Radioactive dating is a way to determine an object’s age, but relative dating is what goes down in Alabama.

Wanna hear a joke about radioactive isotopes?

Sorry, it just decayed.

What was the radioactive senior citizen's super power?

Gramma Rays

If a radioactive spider can turn you into Spider-Man, can a radioactive baby turn you into a Baby-Man?

No. That’s just the elderly.

Everyone talks about Peter Parker because he was lucky enough to get bitten by the cool kind of radioactive spider...

My buddy Dave got bit by a radioactive brown recluse, and he just turned into a shut in.

Why was the radioactive food going to taste bad?

The meal would fallout of flavor.

What do you call a Radioactive Dine-and-Dasher?

A Cher-No-Bill

Did you hear about the Grecian who ate a radioactive falafel?

He became a super-gyro.

I quit my job at the radioactive waste treatment plant.

It had a toxic work environment.

There was a movie about a Mexican girl that was bitten by a radioactive salmon..

and of course she gained superpowers and became Salmon Ella.



The movie did great in Mexico, but unfortunately just made American audiences sick.

The confused radioactive element

So there was a radioactive element who was perpetually confused.
One fine day, he was asked, "what do you do?".

"IDK".

If you wear a radioactive belt...

...you end up with nuclear waist.

I like you, in a plutonic way.

"Don't you mean 'platonic'?"

No, plutonium, like radioactive exposure, the longer I'm with you the more I feel like dying.

What did the radioactive sample say to the other radioactive sample?

IDK.

A man was recruited for a space colony

He had been posted to a planet 14 lightyears from Sol. As his ship landed on the planet's glowing surface, he saw a car waiting for him.

"Welcome to Anti-Earth," The driver said, "don't worry we are going to change the name soon.I am here to take you to your quarters and show you the colony o...

Why do you need to carry radioactive materials in sealed, lead containers?

To stop it from falling out.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A guy was recruited for the first settlement on another planet....

The Settlement Chief met him on the landing site.

"This place is going to take some getting used to. It's like a mirror version of Earth. The elements which are rare on Earth are the most abundant here while the common elements are extremely rare."

"So why are we here then," the guy a...

If your friend makes you feel sick, they're probably toxic.

If they give you a tingly feeling, they're probably radioactive.

If a family with a mother, father, and child is called a nuclear family...

...why isn't incest called radioactive dating?

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

The year: 2029. A brilliant scientist is constructing the first sentient artificial intelligence.

He's working out of his garage in San Francisco, living on charitable donations from his worried friends. He dropped out of college when he realized he could change the world — there's no going back; his life is dedicated to this project. At first, he is met with failure upon failure. But then, he r...

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