UPJOKE
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Radioactive Jokes

I like you, in a plutonic way.

"Don't you mean 'platonic'?"

No, plutonium, like radioactive exposure, the longer I'm with you the more I feel like dying.

What was the radioactive senior citizen's super power?

*Gramma Rays*

doctor: you've been bitten by a radioactive shark me: so i'm gonna get shark powers right

doctor: you no longer have legs...

me: just like a shark.

If you wear a radioactive belt...

...you end up with nuclear waist.

I found a radioactive cat.

It had 18 half-lifes.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Radioactive Cats

They have 18 half lives


*I know its shitty, my teacher told me it and i just had to post.*

^(I'll leave now)

Did you hear about the superhero who was bitten by a radioactive lawyer?

He got the power of attorney.

How can you tell that the children of anti-vaxxers are radioactive?

They have half-lives.

I quit my job at the radioactive waste treatment plant.

It had a toxic work environment.

So I just watched the music video for Radioactive, and if you think fighting stuffed animals are weird…

Imagine Dragons.

Why was the radioactive food going to taste bad?

The meal would fallout of flavor.

What did the radioactive isotope say to the scientist?

I.D.K.

Wanna hear a joke about radioactive isotopes?

Sorry, it just decayed.

Did you hear about the guy who got bitten by a radioactive pig and gained super-pig powers?

His name was Peter Porker.

Where can you find radioactive turkeys?

Chergobble

If a radioactive spider can turn you into Spider-Man, can a radioactive baby turn you into a Baby-Man?

No. That’s just the elderly.

Did you hear about the man that was bitten by a radioactive spider?

Me: Did you hear about the man that was bitten by a radioactive spider?

Friend: Spider-man?

Me: >!No...dead man.!<

The difference between retroactive and radioactive is what happened when my neighbor got a power bill with $1000 of retroactive charges.

She's marching around the front yard with a shotgun. I pity the first power company truck that drives by.

Everyone talks about Peter Parker because he was lucky enough to get bitten by the cool kind of radioactive spider...

My buddy Dave got bit by a radioactive brown recluse, and he just turned into a shut in.

Little known fact: Billy Joel's song "Piano Man"

Is about a man who was bitten by a radioactive piano.

If your friend makes you feel sick, they're probably toxic.

If they give you a tingly feeling, they're probably radioactive.

If a family with a mother, father, and child is called a nuclear family...

...why isn't incest called radioactive dating?

Did you hear about the Grecian who ate a radioactive falafel?

He became a super-gyro.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A guy was recruited for the first settlement on another planet....

The Settlement Chief met him on the landing site.

"This place is going to take some getting used to. It's like a mirror version of Earth. The elements which are rare on Earth are the most abundant here while the common elements are extremely rare."

"So why are we here then," the guy a...

After running his fingers over the raised Braille lettering on the surface, the blind man looked terrified

A passing man noticed this and asked him, "What did it say ?".

The blind man responded, "RADIOACTIVE. DO NOT TOUCH"

Sphinx: What has four legs in the morning, two at noon, and three at night?

Me: A radioactive vietnamese soldier.

EDIT:
Sphinx: No no he’s got a point.

A man was recruited for a space colony

He had been posted to a planet 14 lightyears from Sol. As his ship landed on the planet's glowing surface, he saw a car waiting for him.

"Welcome to Anti-Earth," The driver said, "don't worry we are going to change the name soon. I am here to take you to your quarters and show you the colony ...

Why do you need to carry radioactive materials in sealed, lead containers?

To stop it from falling out.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

The year: 2029. A brilliant scientist is constructing the first sentient artificial intelligence.

He's working out of his garage in San Francisco, living on charitable donations from his worried friends. He dropped out of college when he realized he could change the world — there's no going back; his life is dedicated to this project. At first, he is met with failure upon failure. But then, he r...

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