Temperature Jokes

It depends what state it's in

My friend thinks I’m crazy, but I’ll be 0K.

With a themometer!

Luke Warm.

May the 4th Be With You!

Don't worry though, he's 0K.

Yourmometer

Womb temperature!

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Luke-Warm

And then one day a maintenance person showed me where the thermostat was and how to open it up, set temps, and diagnose basic issues... Told me not to set it below 70 for too long though or she'd lock me back out again. This work from home office staff is really rude.

I came in to get eggs and bread, left with a bottle of whisky

Mustard, it's the best thing for a hot dog

When his food arrives he takes a sip of the tea but finds it to be scorching hot.
"Ow!" yells the man, "I asked for this to be room temperature!"
"It is, sir" says the waiter "The kitchen is on fire."

67 to 73.

They tell him, "Well, we're so sick of the cold where we're from, and this place is nice and toasty."

Satan, annoyed, storms away and goes to Hell's boiler room, where he turns up the temperature.

He goes back to the Canadians' room, along the way being begged by all sorts of people to... read more

They don't want their nuts to freeze off.

Finally: white people in Texas are having problems with ICE.

His degree was in Fahrenheit.

Three Degrees, Four Tops.

As a result, I got an absolute zero.

The demand for electricity has led to blackouts across the state, causing some people to go without Fox News for so long, they've stopped blaming the weather on Joe Biden.

I’m losing my friends by degrees.

Is Hell exothermic (gives off heat) or endothermic (absorbs heat)?

Most of the students wrote proofs of their beliefs using Boyle's Law (gas cools when it expands and heats when it is compressed) or some variant.

One student, however, wrote the following:

First, we need to know ... read more

Doesn't exist by definition.

When he gets there, the devil comes over to welcome him. The devil then says, “Sometimes it gets pretty uncomfortable down here.”
The man says, “No problem. I’m from Ottawa.”

So the devil goes over to the thermostat, turns the temperature up to 100, and the humidity up to 80. He then goes ... read more

… because he had bought low-budget equipment. Everyone told him his gear wasn’t suitable. He didn’t realise it was a poor tent of doom.

Romeostasis.

Because only a Sith deals in absolutes

Luke warm.

^^im ^^sorry

A right angle. It's always 90 degrees.

451° F

Womb temperature.

A thermoometer.

If you’re hot blooded, they’ll check it and see

Last heard, he's 0K now.

Everything is in the 80s: The people, the temperature, and the average IQ.

I’ve read in the newspaper that the Government has forbidden fans at sport events

After a long time, I told my hot coworker how I felt.

Turns out she felt the same way.

So I turned on the air conditioning.

It's to make sure the temperature is below the required level and the produce hasn't spoiled.

They don't get paid for doing this, they just do it probe ono

It's called the "0K Boomer"

The physicist announces "We must put the garbage can in the fridge so that the temperature will be below the ignition temperature and therefore put itself out!"

The chemist replies "No, we must cover the garbage can so that the fire consumes all of the oxygen and, in the absence of re... read more

Three professors (a physicist, a chemist, and a statistician) are called in to see their dean. Just as they arrive the dean is called out of his office, leaving the three professors there. The professors see with alarm that there is a fire in the wastebasket.

The physicist says, "I know what ... read more

B: Oh really?
A: No, rectally.

0 K

Just a little chili.

“It’s coal man”

Luke warm

Seemed appropriate with all the Hoth stuff floating around.

Because it doesn't get hotter than 69 in my bed.

But "Rocky Road" soup is an acquired taste.

The Devil observes that they are really enjoying themselves.

He says to them

‘Doesn’t the heat and smoke bother you?’

Ole replies, ‘Vell, ya know, ve’re from nordern Minnesooota, da land of snow an ice, an ve’re yust happy fer a chance ta varm up a little bit, ya know.’

T... read more

Animal rights groups are outraged by the cruel tests performed on the animals.

But they’ll be 0K.

I should have cooked it at aloha temperature.

A ther-mom-meter

From my 10 year old who had the flu the past couple of days.

I learned about it from my local K-F-C

They're both in the teens.

I - SCOLD - BEER !

I dropped my pants and bent over.

They should have said it was a thermal scan!

That is why America measures temperature in Fahrenheit.

Yeah, he will be 0K.

No hom(e)o(stasis)

... but in the holdfast of a minor northern lordling, a small privy with several inches of still-frozen accumulation on its roof remained defiant against the downpour: "You'll never melt this! I shall keep my white mantle unto the end of days, by the Old Gods and the New!"

"No, it is inevitab... read more

Apparently guns don't work in those temperatures.

Because all the other torture chambers are full, the Devil puts him to hard labor.

A few hours pass, and the Devil returns to see how the torture is going. But the man is smiling and hardly working a sweat.

"Why haven't you given up yet? It's been at least 6 hours." The Devil asks him.... read more

NOT cool.

When you get your Masters in Art History, but you still can't pay the heating bill

He said I'd be 0K

Putting her mind at ease I reassured her it’ll be womb temperature.

Because we're all a little obtuse.

Broom Temperature.