What do you call an explosive monkey?

A baboom

So my friend put down three explosives.

For some reason, I C4.

What did the explosives specialist say when he was about to hit the switch on his first bomb?

Please let this blow up

Terrorist groups in the Middle East have started surgically implanting improvised explosive devices inside the cattle that they drive through town on the way to market

The UN has described this practice as abominable.

Click for hint: >!(hint - say it out loud)!<

I keep trying to come up with a joke about explosives

But they all blow up in my face

What do you call an explosives specialist from Oklahoma?

OK boomer

I saw a craigslist add for Mobile Improvised Explosive Device Model and I had to apply.

After all, that opportunity only comes around once in a lifetime.

<There is my dark, cynical Halloween joke. :-)>

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Doctor: Sir, I’m afraid that you are suffering from explosive diarrhea

Man: Ah shit, here we go again

What's the most explosive opening move in chess?

C4

My grandads old place has this old fence that for some reason seems to be impossible to remove. Tonight I'm going to try explosives

Edit: Wow I didnt expect this post to blow up as much as it did!

An explosives expert liked to blow up bombs beside the city's underground septic lines. One day, while planting a device, he made a fatal mistake...

The newspapers called him a sewer side bomber.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

An *explosive* rhyme

There once was a girl named Jill...

Who tried a dynamite stick for a thrill...

They found her vagina in South Carolina

And bits of her tits in Brazil.

My explosive diarrhea must be hereditary...

...because it runs in my jeans.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Franz was reading his book on death row...

It was the ‘storm of the century’. On death row, Franz was reading his religious texts, looking for God, even as the inmates of the neighbouring cells were having an explosive argument about who should get to shower first. ’14 days to execution’, Franz thought, as he physically and mentally trembled...

Suicide Bombers don’t like to be called explosives

They self identify as fireworks

What do vending machines, explosives and a cross-eyed seeing two people have in common?

C4, and there's a chance someone might get hurt.

What type of explosives do frogs use?

FROGmentation grenades.

If A is for Apple and B is for Banana then what is C for?

Plastic Explosives

My friend is an arms dealer. He has a Holiday sale right now where he's selling explosives for $1 each

It's a bang for your buck.

What kind of Tick is explosive?

A dyna-mite.

A shifty looking guy in a kilt walks into a London pub

He orders a pint and very very carefully puts down the plastic bag he is carrying.

The bartender asks "What's that?"

The guy answers "6 pounds of explosives"

"Thank Christ for that" says the barman, "I thought it might be bagpipes."

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A young man is walking home from his job at a local software company

He worked late that night, and the sun had already fallen below the sky. The man enjoyed the two mile walk to work in the morning, but the cold of the night made the way back numb, rigid, and surreal. The man followed long, curving roads through the dark pine forests, illuminated by cold sunlight re...

The phone Samsung released after the Note 7 was actually more explosive than it.

It was the Samsung Galaxy S8


p.s I know good jokes don't need explaining but this is an original lame joke. S8 is the chemical formula for Sulfur which is combustible

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Today in chemistry we learnt about how Ammonium nitrate could be used in fertilizer and as an explosive.

That's when I knew we were dealing with some explosive shit

[OC] A programmer walks into a coffee shop

A programmer walks into a coffee shop on his lunch break with his pet, a black Labrador. He comes in with a scowl on his face and a furrowed brow, his expression showing a frustrated yet pensieve look about him. He asks for a plain, black coffee.

The barista compassionately eyed the man fo...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Did you know that when you say "poop" your mouth actually makes the same movements as your anus when you poop?

Same thing goes for "explosive diarrhea" ...

A terrorist struck a local farm, setting off explosives inside the farmer's prized steer, blowing it to smithereens, but apparently committing no other mischief. The crime scene investigator had these words at the press conference...

"Abominable. Simply abominable."

I just opened an explosive prayer mat business.

Prophets are through the roof.

A woman meets Syd the Stud in a bar.

They talk. They connect. They end up leaving together.

They get back to his place, and as he shows her around his apartment she notices that one wall of his bedroom is completely filled with soft,sweet, cuddly teddy bears. There are three shelves in the bedroom, with hundreds and hund...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Did you hear about the male pornstar who accidentally put explosives in with his laundry?

He blew his load everywhere!

What's a pirate's favorite explosive?

M80

I got arrested at the bar last night

Turns out telling all the ladies I have an explosive device in my pants isn’t a good pickup line

A friend of mine makes prayer mats with hidden explosives

I asked how his business is doing, he said: "Great! Prophets are through the roof!"

How do you commit suicide using remote explosives?

See for yourself

An explosive knock knock joke

My 11yr old son came up with this joke

Knock knock
Who's there?
Interrupting mountain
Interrup-
VOLCANO!!!

Explosives

Mother: "How was school today, Bobby?"

Bobby: "It was really great mum! Today we made explosives!"

Mother: "Ooh, they do very fancy stuff with you these days. And what will you do at school tomorrow?"

Bobby: "What school?"

Former intelligence agent: "I have potentially explosive information on Trump's relationship with Russia."

Buzzfeed journalist: "Ok please go on."

Former intelligence agent: "I have information that a number of years ago, Donald Trump visits Russia."

Buzzfeed journalist: "Oh really? So then, what happens next?"

Former intelligence agent: "What happens next will shock you."

Have you guys heard about my new Youtube Channel where I teach how to make explosives ?

It's called Do It Youssef

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Did you hear about the guy that had explosive diarrhea whilst camping?

That shit was in tents

My friend has a weird quirk: he gets explosive diarrhea and just can't contain himself when he sees a certain soccer player...

And boy, it's Messi.

Whats the worst thing to hear when you have explosive diarrhea?

"Are you ticklish?"

I came home and told my mum we were playing with explosives in science.

Mum: what are you doing in school tomorrow.

Me: what school?

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A diarrhea outbreak strikes. Buddha, God, Jesus, Muhammad and Lord Krishna all get explosive diarrhea.

Holy shit!

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What do you call a dinosaur with explosive diarrhea?

A shitty-sore-ass.

I told my wife that she’s like a firework

Explosive, distracting, and can put you in hospital if you get to close.

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