UPJOKE
lakeoxygenliquidseawateroceanbody of waterrivernutrientspring watericesnowhydrogenearthsweatcloud

Just opened my water bill and my electricity bill at the same time…

I was shocked

A blonde bought some water skis last year but has yet to try them out.

She's still looking for a lake with a hill.

A mother sends her son to the well to fetch water.

When the boy comes back without water, he explains that there was an alligator in the well.

"Don't worry," says the mother. "The alligator is just as scared of you as you are of him!"

"Mom," says the boy, "if the alligator is as scared of me as I am of him, we shouldn't be drinking tha...

A lion notices a monkey by a river, dipping a banana peel into the water

He watches her for a few minutes, as she dips the peel, keeps it under water, and then takes it out, watches the water a bit, repeats. Finally, the lion gives up trying to make sense of the sequence.

"Hey, monkey"

"Hey, lion"

"What in the world are you doing?"

"Ten bucks ...

An English sailor just off the coast of Germany discovers that his boat is taking on water.

Alarmed, he calls the German coastguard by radio: "Hello coastguard, I'm sinking, I'm sinking!"

There is a pause for a few seconds, before the coastguard replies, "OK ... Vat are you sinking about?"

Someone asked me to name two structures that hold water.

I was like, well, damn.

The earth is 80% water. None of that water is carbonated.

The earth is flat.

Why do fish live in salt water?

Because pepper water would make them sneeze.

(Roughly translated from a recent issue of *Acadie Nouvelle*)

What do you get when you cross a young wizarding student with a large "water horse?"

A Harrypottermus!

Jesus, Moses and an old man are playing golf. They approach the most difficult water hole on the course.

Moses steps up and puts his drive straight into the hazard. He calmly walks to the edge of the pond and raises his club. The waters part, Moses walks down to his ball, and chips it onto the green.

Jesus, up next, also sends his drive into the drink. He calmly walks out over the water, loc...

TIL, Hippos can run faster than humans on land and swimmer faster in water

But still you can defeat them in a triathlon as they don't know how to ride a bicycle

What do you call friendly frozen water?

a nice cube

I once had a job drilling holes for water.

It was well boring.

Why did the Clydesdale give the pony a glass of water?

Because he was a little horse.

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What did the grandpa say when his grandchild took a dump in the water well?

Well shit

A man falls into the water and a large fish swiftly approaches him, teeth first.

A man falls into the water and a large fish swiftly approaches him, teeth first.

The man kicks it in the nose.

"Ouch!" the fish cried. "You didn't have to do that! All I wanted was to give you something."

He doesn't trust talking fish. "What did you expect in return?"

"O...

My cat is ill and the vet has suggested he might have drank sparkling soda water.

They say he's catatonic.

In Siberia, at the edge of the sea, a fisherman is going about his business. Suddenly, an American submarine emerges from the water.

The lid on top opens and a sailor comes out. For a while he observes the surroundings with binoculars, then he shouts: "Set course to north-north-east!" He crawls back in, slams the lid closed and the boat disappears underwater.

The man stares in awe at the now still water and when he comes b...

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So, a Lion goes down to the water hole for a drink...

and a Gorilla hiding in the Jungle thinks it would be funny to run down and fuck the Lion in the ass so the Gorilla does.

And the Lion begins chasing the Gorilla thru the jungle.

The Gorilla runs thru a safari camp and seeing nobody there he runs into a tent and puts on a safari jacket...

I let go a silent fart in bed last night and gently lifted the sheet to let it escape, my wife shrieked 'Oh my god, that's disgusting! My eyes are watering'...

Must have been bad, she was downstairs at the time

My friends told me a joke so funny that it stopped water from flowing

It was damn funny

What did the egg say to the boiling water?

I don’t know if I can get hard, I got laid this morning.

What do you call a baseball player that holds water?

A pitcher.

Did you hear about the award winning science film about oil and water?

It’s immiscable.

how do you make holy water?

HOLY WATER

Q: How do you make holy water?

A: You boil the hell out of it!

How do you make a water bed bouncy?

spring water

Why is a seal with just one fin safe to swim in shark infested waters?

Like everyone else, sharks know that if the seal is broken the food isn't safe to consume!

How did Shape of Water (the fish movie) end?

Fin

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Blind Pilots

Two men dressed in pilots' uniforms walk up the aisle of the aircraft. Both are wearing dark glasses, one is using a guide dog, and the other is tapping his way along the aisle with a cane.


Nervous laughter spreads through the cabin, but the men enter the cockpit the door closes, and th...

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Crocodile.

A multi-millionaire, living in Australia, decided to throw a party and invited all of his buddies and neighbors... He also invited Brian, the only native Australian in the neighborhood. He held the party around the pool, in the backyard of his mansion. Everyone was having a good time, drinking, ...

Jesus and Moses

One beautiful day in Heaven, Jesus and Moses were fishing in a lake. After a while of silence, Jesus asked Moses, "Hey Moses, can you still do it? You know... 'Your thing'?" Moses then answered, "I don't know, let me see if I still got it!"

He then stood up and drew his arms forwards, and the...

One day, when it was raining heavily, my boss asked me to water the plants outside the office.

I looked at him, puzzled, and said, “But, sir, it’s raining!”

He replied, “Then take an umbrella and water the plants.”

If you get seriously depressed, try drinking a gallon of water before you go to bed.

This will give you a reason to get out of bed in the morning.

The cops just called and told me they found my husbands body in the water

I was very concerned as that was not where I’d put it

The Earth's surface is 70% water.

That water is uncarbonated. Therefore, the Earth is flat.

Why isn't holy water used in vaccines?

Because you can't take the lord's name in vein.

Where do mansplainers get their water?

From a well, actually.

A third rate magician is doing magic shows on a second rate cruise ship (Long)

The pay is good, the accommodation is comfortable, the food is excellent, and the two show a day workload is easy. The mainly elderly audience seem to enjoy his show which is unoriginal but has the polish of hundreds of repetitions. All in all, it's started out as a great gig except for one glaring ...

YSK - The number one reason house plants die is OVER watering.

The number two reason is under watering.

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Paddy had long heard the stories of an amazing family tradition...

It seems that his father, grandfather and great-grandfather had all been able to walk on water on their 18th birthday.

On that special day, they'd each walked across the lake to the pub on the far side for their first legal drink.

So when Paddy's 18th birthday came 'round, he and his p...

Steve's Place.

Last week, we took some friends to a new restaurant called "Steve's Place", and noticed that the waiter who took our order carried a spoon in his shirt pocket; it seemed a little strange.

When the busboy brought our water and utensils, I observed that he also had a spoon in his shirt pocket...

I used redbull instead of water for my coffee this morning

I was on the highway for 15 minutes before realizing I left my car at home

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My friend told me if I put the end of my penis in ice water my balls would stop itching.

Cool tip.

Why is water heavier than butane?

Because butane is a lighter fluid

I was so confused why there are so many stories about vampires in Europe, but not in Africa.

Then I remembered that vampires are killed by holy water.

They blessed the rains down in Africa.

What’s the opposite of Holy Water?

Nestle

What weighs more, a gallon of water or a gallon of butane?

The gallon of water. Butane is a lighter fluid.


^obligatory ^not ^my ^joke

The President invites the Pope to lunch on a boat. The Pope accepted and during lunch, a puff of wind blew the pontiff's hat off, right into the water. It floated off about 50 feet, then the wind died down and it just floated in place.

The crew and the Secret Service were scrambling to launch a boat to go get it, when Biden waved them off, saying, "Never mind boys, I'll get it."

Then Joe climbed over the side of the yacht, walked on the water to the hat, picked it up,

walked back on the water, climbed into the yacht,...

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A tourist wanders into a back-alley antique shop in San Francisco's Chinatown.

A tourist wanders into a back-alley antique shop in San Francisco's Chinatown. Picking through the objects on display he discovers a detailed, life-sized bronze sculpture of a rat. The sculpture is so interesting and unique that he picks it up and asks the shop owner what it costs.

...

I’ve always dreamed of swimming in a body of water filled with soda.

Sadly it’s just a Fanta-sea.

I was going to tell a joke about vaporized water, but I couldn't come up with a good punchline

It was a mist opportunity.

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Three Soviet generals wager who has bravest soldiers

Soviet army organizes a large military exercise. Three high-ranking officers - an army general, a navy admiral and an air force commander watch the war games from an observation bunker, drink vodka and argue who has bravest men. They can not reach a conclusion, so the army general calls his troops a...

Monkey.

A monkey is sitting in a tree, smoking a joint, when a lizard walks past...

The lizard looks up and says, "Hey, what are you doing?"

The monkey says, "Smoking a joint, come up and join me!"

So, the lizard climbs up and sits next to the monkey, and they smoke another joint.
<...

My wife got really mad at me when I threw water on her mother.

Well, it worked on the Wizard of Oz.

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The leprechaun and the golfer

A golfer playing in Ireland hooked his drive into the woods. Looking for his ball, he found a little Leprechaun flat on his back, a big bump on his head and the golfer's ball beside him.

Horrified, the golfer got his water bottle from the cart and poured it over the little guy, reviving him.<...

How to help your local politician qualify for a mental asylum

A politician is visiting the local mental asylum, and asks "How do you decide whether someone should be admitted here?"

"Well," says the director, "We fill up a bath with water, then give the patient a teaspoon, a mug, and a bucket, and ask them to empty the bath as quickly as possible."
<...

My wife told me she is so sick of my mansplaining, and if I don't stop she's going to throw me in a deep hole with water in it.

I know she means well.

Whenever my dog goes into the water he doesn't sw, he just floats there

He's a good buoy

What's the most sarcastic body of water on earth?

The Crimea River.

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It was time for Father John's Saturday night bath and the young nun, Sister Magdalene, had prepared the bath water and towels just the way the old nun had instructed.

Sister Magdalene was also instructed not to look at Father John's nakedness if she could help it, do whatever he told her to do, and pray.

The next morning the old nun asked Sister Magdalene how the Saturday night bath had gone.

'Oh, sister,' said the young nun dreamily, ‘I've been sav...

Jesus, Chuck Norris and the Pope are sitting in a boat in the middle of a lake.

They decide to get to the shore, so Jesus leaves the boat first and walks over the water to the shore.

Chuck Norris leaves second and also walks over the water to the shore.

The Pope, being baffled, also tries to take a step out of the boat but immediately falls in, so he has to swim t...

You know what they say about family - blood is thicker than water.

But maple syrup is thicker than blood, so technically pancakes are more important than family.

Why did Jesus walk on water?

Because he didn't know how to swim

Why did the water cross the road?

Because it didn’t give a dam!


-my 5 year old daughter

President Biden has announced water is now only legal in three states.

Solid, liquid and gas.

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Why do hippos only mate in water?

How else do you keep a 20kg clitoris wet?

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Four nuns have just died

They are waiting to talk to Saint Peter outside the gates of Heaven.

Saint Peter: “Sisters, confess your sins and you may enter paradise.”

Nun #1: “Saint Peter, forgive me, in my life I once gazed lustfully at a man’s penis.”

St Pete: “Sister, rinse your eyes with this Holy Wat...

I suspect that my son has been flushing his blunts down the toilet.

No wonder my water bill is so high.

My grandad died yesterday.

His final wish before he died was that his body be used by scientists to create a massive cloud of water vapour.

He will be mist.

A man knocked on my door

And said he was collecting for the local swimming pool.

So I gave him a glass of water.

Two eggs are put into a pot of boiling water, what did one egg say to the other?

It's going to take me a minute to get hard, I got laid last night

What do you get when you mix holy water with laxatives?

A religious movement.

My late grandpa was always popular with women. One day, before he died, I asked him what his secret was. He said "I inherited a watering hole." Bewildered I replied, "What does that have to do with anything?"

"I could easily get anyone wet because I was well endowed."

I've just had a water fight with the kids in my street

I won! No one is a match for me and my kettle

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A horny gorilla sees a lion bent over taking a drink from a water stream

The gorilla runs up behind the lion, grabs on, and has his way with him. The gorilla then takes off running, with the very angry lion on his heels. As they run through the jungle, the gorilla gets a bit of a lead, and sees a British safari camp ahead. The gorilla enters the camp, grabs some khakis t...

Jesus may have walked on water

But Stephen hawking can run on batteries

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Last winter I was at work...

Last winter I was at work and my wife text me saying "Windows frozen". I sent one back saying "Pour lukewarm water on it". A few minutes later she text back saying "The computer's completely fucked now."

Jesus Christ walks into a bar...

He spots a Russian man with a glass of water.
He asks "My son, are you a believer?"
The Russian replies "No."
Jesus waves his hands and behold! The glass is changed to wine.
"Well my son, do you believe now?"
The Russian frowns and shakes his head.

The next day, Jesus...

Water solves so many health problems.

Want to lose weight? Drink water.

Want clearer skin? Drink water.

Suffer from migraines? Drink water.

People causing you anxiety? Drown them in water.

Sahara Desert.

A somewhat predictable oldie but amusing nevertheless.

A guy was lost in the Sahara Desert, desperate for water, when he saw something far off in the distance. Hoping to find water, he walked towards the image only to find a little old man sitting at a card table with a bunch of neckties la...

scarlet johansson

There’s an airline crash in the Pacific. The only two survivors are a young man, Steve, and an unconscious young woman.

Steve finds the young woman clinging to a piece of debris. He tows her to a small, deserted atoll.

The young woman does not regain consciousness for a week. In the me...

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You can tell the sex of an ant by dropping it in water.

If they float, they're boy-ant.

A priest, a minister and a rabbi go fishing

After rowing thier small boat to thier favorite spot, the priest says to the rabbi;

"This a great spot. Lots of nice fish"

After about an hour, the priest stands up announces he needs to answer the call of nature, steps out of the boat and walks across the water to shore, disappears f...

Six Supreme Court justices, floating face-down in a river

All 6 conservative members of the SCOTUS got stranded in the woods with only a giant suitcase and a couple of paddles. Then they came to a raging river- it was fast-moving, wide and rocky but only waist deep. They began to bicker over how to get across. Kavanaugh, Thomas, and Gorsuch said "We are st...

Where can you find an ocean with no water?

On a map.

I walked into the pub and asked for a water...

The barman said, "Still water?"

I said, "Yes mate, I haven't changed my mind".

A man and his friend walk into a bar and he orders a water.

When he gets the water, he takes a sip. His friend asks, "How's the water?"

He responds, "It's great! Best water I've ever had! I'd rate it a perfect seven out of fourteen!"

My neighbor and I are good friends so we decided to share our water supply.

We got a long well.

Accidentally made my coffee with Red Bull instead of water.

...
...
...
I made it halfway to work before i realized i forgot my car.

I can lead a horse to water...

But the police told me if I drown another one they'd arrest me.

I can't stand stuck up bodies of water...

Like, get over yourself Lake Superior!

A guy was watching TV and his wife came in and said, "The car won't start. I think there's water in the carburetor."

The guy was annoyed and said, "You don't even know what a carburetor is, let me diagnose the problem...where's the car?" And his wife said, "In the pond in front of our house."

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Jesus, Moses, and a mutual friend play golf.

So Jesus, Moses, and a friend of theirs all go out for a round of golf.

Jesus steps up to the tee. Takes his swing, and it's a nice looking drive, but it ends up in the water hazard and floats to the top. He walks out onto the pond and chips up onto the green.

Moses steps up to the tee...

This guy shows up at a farm and says he knows how to make animals speak

The farmer says, "That's ridiculous."

So the guy walks up to the farmer's cow and says "Moo moo moo."

The cow replies in English, "Oh, thank you for asking. He generally treats me very well. He milks me promptly at 5:30am every morning. If I had one suggestion, I wish he'd change the w...

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A man brings two ibuprofen and a glass of water to his wife of 30 years...

"What's this?" She asks.

"It's for your headache." He replies.

"I don't have a headache." She says.

"Oh good! So let's fuck" He replies.

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Shame on you Skippy

A woman goes to her boyfriend's parent's house for dinner.

This is to be her first time meeting the family and she is very nervous.

They all sit down and begin eating a fine meal.

The woman is beginning to feel a little discomfort, thanks to her nervousness and the broccoli cass...

When the Mexican guy forgot his ticket to the water park, the employee let him in anyway

“Typically I’m a stickler about this sort of thing,” he remarked “But I’m gonna let this Juan slide.”

Jesus requested a pitcher of water so that he might turn it into wine

Peter said "Lord, why can't you buy a round like everyone else?"

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Best submarine

Last Saturday, a British, a Russian and an American admiral met in Pearl Harbour, and standing on the water front, they were bragging about their ships.

British admiral: "I say chaps, we have a jolly good new submarine, which can go around Ireland under water without surfacing once. It's bloo...

Rest in peace boiling water

You will soon be mist

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A monkey is smoking a joint in a tree...

...when a small lizard comes and asks to join it. They get really high and at one point the small lizard says it's thirsty. The monkey tells him that there is a lake nearby and the lizard goes there.

At the lake there is an alligator, he sees the red eyes of the small lizard and says "heeeeyy...

Did you hear that Adelle started a campaign to raise awareness for sea life by reading Harry Potter and the Philosopher's Stone while scuba diving 60 ft under the water.

They called it "Rowling in the Deep"

Why do some kids dip their Oreos in water?

Their dads never came back with the milk...

What type of liquid makes a waterbed the bounciest?

Spring water

A New Navy Recruit Details His First Day On The Submarine…

A new Navy recruit has his first day on the submarine...

He speaks with the officer, who assigns him his post.

"Go stand at the periscope entry-way, and make sure no unauthorized personnel touch the periscope."

The recruit follows orders, and stands by the periscope. After 15 mi...

One day, a husband telephones his wife, but his daughter answers.

"Hello!"

"Hey honey, this is daddy. Is mommy near the phone?"

"No daddy, she's upstairs jn the bedroom with uncle Jake."

"But you don't have an uncle Jake, sweetie..."

"Uh yes I do, and he's upstairs in the bedroom with mommy right now."

"Ok honey, I need you to go...

Your momma so fat

A water park hired her to sit in a wading pool and start flapping her thighs together to make waves.

3 women are on a ship that’s run out of fuel

There’s an island in the distance so the brunette decides to make a swim for it. She swims 100metres but drowns.

The redhead decides to have a go. She swims 500metres but drowns.

The blonde has no choice. She gets in the water, swims 1 mile and gets within 100metres of the island. She ...

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Jack Russle and Great Dane at the vets...

A Jack Russell and a Great Dane are in the waiting room at a vets...

JR: "Why are you here ?"

GD: "Fuck off."

JR: "No, come on, let's be friendly, we're both dogs, we don't want to be here, we should support each other,"

GD: "<sigh>"

JR: "I'll tell you why I'...

A mother was teaching his child about the side-effects of alcohol.

She gets two short glasses, filling one with water and the other with whiskey.

She says "I want you to see this."

She puts a worm in the water, and it swims around.

She puts a worm in the whiskey, and the worm dies immediately.

She then says, feeling that she has made ...

A blonde, a brunette and a red head are driving in a truck.

On one cold icy day a blonde, brunette and a red head decide to take a drive.

The brunette as the best driver in icy conditions decides to drive. The red head decides to ride passenger because she keeps the best eye out. The blonde decides to ride in the bed of the truck because she’s dress...

Moses and Jesus are sitting in a boat on a lake.

Moses turns to Jesus and says, “You know, I wonder if I’ve still got it.” He stands up and spreads his arms out wide. On command, the waters of the lake part, and the boat settles on the ground. He brings his arms back in, and the water comes rushing back, lifting the boat back to the surface.
<...

You can lead a horse to water.

You can't make them do the back stroke.

A man bought himself an expensive new car

He was a superstitious fellow and wanted to keep anything bad from happening, so he invited a priest, an imam and a rabbi over to bless the vehicle.

First, the priest sprinkled holy water on the hood.

Next, the imam led everyone in a prayer to the vehicles' greatness.

Then final...

When I went to my interview, I poured a glass of water and it overflowed onto the table. The interviewer asked if I was nervous and I said no -

I always give it 110%

When I hear people talking about water polo all I can think about is

Those poor horses.

Today I learned that if you're in a canoe and it flips over in the water....

.....you can safely wear it on your head....because it's capsized.

A ship sinks, there are three survivors…

…a Chinese guy, a British guy and an American guy.

They meet on a deserted island. Soon, they realize they have to find a wat to get off the island if they are going to survive this mess. They get together on the beach and tasks are divided. The Britton searces the island for wood to make a ...

A man was having a few in the local bar

when he noticed a sailor sitting at the other end of the bar. The sailor had a completely normal physique except for one anomaly: his head was tiny, about the size of an orange.

The man stared at the sailor in puzzlement, and after a few more drinks screwed up his courage to go over and ask t...

A man goes into a shop in Chinatown and sees a gold sculpture of a rat.

He can't stop staring at it. It's like something is calling out to him. He asks the old man behind the counter "How much for the statue?"

The old man strokes his beard and replies "$10 for the statue, $100 for the story."

"Story? Forget that I'll just take the statue," the man says. He...

A string walks into a bar

A string walks into a bar and says "bartender, I would like a sasparilla" The bartender looks at him and says "we dont serve your kind around here, take a hike" So the string walks out of the bar hanging his head. After he's out he looks into a water trough and sees his reflection. He gets so mad he...

A man is pulled over for drunk driving

The cop walks up to his window,

“Sir, have you been drunk driving?”

“No sir!” Says the man

“What’s in that bottle?” Says the cop

“Just water sir!” Says the man

The cop says, “Hand it to me and let me see”

The man hands him the bottle and the cop says “sir t...

I install water heaters for a living, but I'm thinking of retiring....

It's become a tankless job....

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This actually happened, and I’m sorry if the joke exists, i dont kno about it and I’m proud.

So I was at a bar, for a long long time. And I went to the bathroom to the urinal, and went about my business.

A drunk as hell guy comes in and goes to the urinal next to me to unleash, and says

“Why you holding on to your dick, is it so small you can’t aim?”

And I INS...

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Three chefs were stuck on a deserted island.

They were completely out of food and about to starve to death so they decide they need to start eating each other.

First one of them cuts off his own hand. He marinades it in sea salt and then cooks it over a hot fire. The results are exquisite.

"Wonderfully crispy, just like my mother...

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A bus full of nuns crashed and they all line up at the gates to heaven to talk to St. Peter

The first admits: "I've once seen a penis!" so St. Peter oders her to wash her eyers from a basin with holy water

the second admits: "I've once touched a penis", so she is told to wash her hands from the same basin.

Suddenly there is pushing and rumbling a bit further back in the line....

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*Cannibals preparing a soup*

Two missionaries were sitting in a large pot of water as several cannibals built a fire under the pot.

Other cannibals were busy slicing potatoes, carrots and other vegetables an adding them into the pot with the two missionaries.

The water started getting hotter and hotter the missi...

Here is the best one liner from the legend, Mitch Hedberg

“My fake plants died because I did not pretend to water them.”

Why didn’t Jesus walk on water after his resurrection?

It’s a hell of a lot harder to with holes in your feet...

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A man met a beautiful lady and decided he wanted to marry her right away. She said, 'But we don't know anything about each other.' He said, 'That's all right, we'll learn about each other as we go along.'

So she consented, they were married, and off they went on a honeymoon at a very nice resort.

One morning they were lying by the pool, when he got up off of his towel, climbed up to the 10 metre board and did a two and a half tuck, followed by three rotations in the pike position, at which po...

Why do all vegetables sink when thrown in water?

The wheelchair weighs them down

If there are 502 bricks in a plane and 1 falls off, how many are left?

>!501.!<

How do you put an elephant in a fridge?

>!You open the door, put the elephant in, and close the door.!<

How do you put a giraffe in the fridge?

>!You open the door, take the elephant out, put the giraffe in, and close the door.!<

So, the ...

Bill wakes up with a huge hangover.

He forces himself to open his eyes, and the first thing he sees is a couple of aspirins and a glass of water on the side table.

He sits down and sees his clothing in front of him, all clean and pressed.

Bill looks around the room and sees that it is in perfect order, spotless, and clea...

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Scoutmaster

Dear Dad & Mom,

Our scoutmaster told us all write to our parents in case you saw the flood on TV and worried. We are OK. Only 1 of our tents and 2 Sleeping bags got washed away.

Luckily, none of us got drowned because we we're all up on the mountain looking for Chad when it happen...

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A blonde and a brunette.

A blonde and a brunette are spending their day off together at the local lake. Since they're alone, they decide to go skinny dipping and enjoy the beautiful weather.

After frolicking around for 30 minutes or so they decide they have had enough fun. Just as they emerge from the water two bu...

Power of Christ

Heard this one earlier and thought it was pretty good. I think it’s probably a repost so I’m sorry.

A priest was driving along a road a bit rashly while drunk. He’s got the bottle in the passenger seat. Eventually, a cop tails him and pulls him over.

Cop: “Hey Father, how’s it going?”<...

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I just don’t get women. My girlfriend says that I have a real problem with mansplaining everything and if I don’t stop, she’ll throw me down a hole filled with water. I know she means well

And when I told her that, she lost her shit and threw me out of the house. Women!

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