Plastic. Metal. Big red. Ice. Ash. Industrial.

My bucket list.

I bought a high-powered industrial fan today.

I was blown away by how well it worked.

Mafia have boiled a man to death in an industrial pasta cooker.

Police are still trying to al dentefy the victim.

What do you call an adequate industrial building?

Satisfactory

The proliferation of electricity brought about light pollution in the sky during the industrial revolution

We've since doubled down and moved on to heavy pollution instead.

So the DOW Jones industrial average dropped 800 points last week. And you know what this means to us regular people?

Not a damn thing...

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I just finished a book on the military nobility of pre-industrial Japan

Would you like me to samurais it for you?

I like stealing industrial size kitchen equipment.

I'm a big whisk-taker

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A man loses his penis in an industrial accident.

He wakes up in the hospital the next day. Upon hearing the news that the organ was unsalvagable the man was devastated.

"Doc, is there nothing you can do?"

The doctor explains that conventional medicine can do nothing for him. However, he adds, there is an experimental treatment. The ...

Scientists announced that a man had chilled himself to absolute zero in an industrial accident.

He's 0K right now.

Girl, do you support the industrial mining of mountaintops?

Cuz I'm tryna get in Djibouti

Why did workers in the industrial revolution have better sense of smell?

It's because of all that time they spent in the ol-factory.

A man lost both his hands in an industrial accident.

Determined to still live a full life, and vowing to be more careful, he declared, "I will never be defeated!"

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What's the difference between Hillary Clinton and a robot designed by the Military industrial complex?

I'd fuck the robot.

"Daaaaaaaaaaaad, what should I do with this industrial roll of bubble wrap?"

"Just pop it in the corner please"

It took me 2 hours.

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Did I ever tell you about the industrial prostitute?

She had a vagina surgically implanted on her hip.

So she can make money on the side.

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Teresa May dies...

Her soul arrives in heaven and she is met by St.Peter at the Pearly Gates. Welcome to Heaven," says St. Peter. "Before you settle in, it seems there's a problem: We seldom see a Conservative here and we're not sure what to do with you."
"No problem, just let me in; I'm a believer." says May. ...

I used to work as a coast guard. There's one rescue mission that sticks in my memory.

A ship carrying a huge haul of industrial strength glue got into trouble just off the coast where I was stationed.

The weather was the worst I'd seen it, and one of the containers of glue had fallen from height and smashed into the hull, covering a number of the crew members in glue and knoc...

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A group of train drivers go on strike.

This is authorised industrial action from there union, as the company were making cutbacks to the safety equipment. However a lot of them have nothing to do, so decide that there should a be a party somewhere. This issue is no one can decide where.

Eventually, the union rep stands up and says...

A professor teaches his students about Chinese history

Professor: Allright class, let me start off today with a fun fact. During early industrial times, a lot of British engineers went to China to start up new businesses there, because of their low taxation rates. Because of this huge increase in migration, the Chinese government invested in the proper ...

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Two Russians saw an advertisement for a job in Siberia.

Vladimir read it from beginning to end, a glowing account of a new town and industrial complex where there was sure to be full employment, high wages, luxurious Government-sponsored accommodation, and shops full of all the necessities and luxuries that roubles could buy. But just as he was reaching ...

I heard about a tourist that visited a religious site once.

He climbed all those steps and wanted to ring the bell at the end, but the poor guy had no arms, having lost them in an industrial accident year previous.

But being no stranger to overcoming adversity, the tourist insisted on ringing the bell anyway, so the guy ran toward the bell and hit it ...

What do you call a warehouse district?

A post-industrial park.

3 men are lying in a prison cell in Soviet Russia...

...when one of them says, "Know what I'm in for? My watch started running slow a few days ago, so I went to work late for a week. They thought I was trying to reduce national production for the glorious Soviet people, and threw me in here."

The second one says, "Mine is even worse. My watch r...

The Soviet Union started to crack down on drinking while on the job...

The Soviet Union started to crack down on drinking while on the job. The Soviet official assigned to handle the problem entered one of the industrial plants where the problem was said to occur and asked a worker,

"Could you do your job if you drank a cup of vodka?"

"It would be a littl...

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A man gets a call from police....

The officer on the other end of the phone says, "We believe your brother was in a terrible accident and has died. We need you to come in and identify the body." The man hangs up the phone, and immediately makes his way to the morgue.

Upon entering, one of the morticians greets him, and begins...

Textile Mill Heist

Earlier today police apprehended a criminal who had loaded an industrial-sized loom and 10 cubic meters of wool onto a truck in an attempted robbery of a local textile factory.

Police became suspicious of the truck when they noticed the driver weaving all over the road.

What kind of music does a factory worker listen to?

Industrial Metal

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