A teacher asked her class if they could have one raw mineral in the world, what would it be?

Little Stevie raised his hand and proudly said, “Gold! It’s worth a lot of money and I can buy myself a nice Porsche!” The teacher nodded her head and said, “Good choice!”

Now the teacher called on Little Susie. Little Susie said, “Well, I would want platinum as it’s worth more than gold! I c...

I hate people who trade with minerals

They take everything for granite

Due to growing environmentalist concerns, Germany and Austria decided to limit the amount of ores and minerals they were extracting from the ground.

They said, "Mine fewer!"

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

"Sir, we're mining too many useless mineral ores."

Hitler: "Mine less, then."

Grammar Nazi bursts in: "MINE FEWER."

Hitler looks over: "Yes?"

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

Told my wife we’d have to stop sleeping together if I get this job with a mineral extraction company.

Yeah, in most states it’s illegal to have sex with a miner.

My friend started a company that digs rocks and minerals..

He's just mining his own business.

If minerals were people, who would be the poorest?

Stibnite, because it's antimony.

The CIA,The FBI and the KGB

The CIA, the FBI and the KGB argue about who’s the best at catching criminals.

The Secretary General of the UN decides to test them. He releases a rabbit into the woods and each of the divisions has to catch it.

The CIA goes in. They place animal informants throughout the forest. They ...

Whose underground shaft should we dig for minerals in?

Mine

Where do you get bare minerals from?

A strip mine

Why can't you purchase minerals by the gallon?

They only come in quarts(z)

What do you call the mineral found in teeth and tooth enamel?

Apatite.

You have to take these modern homeopathic health fads with a pinch of salt.

Preferably Himalayan pink rock salt, due to its high mineral content and detoxifying effects.

Worms

Four earthworms are placed in four separate test tubes:

1st in beer
2nd in wine
3rd in whiskey
4th in mineral water

The next day, the teacher shows the results:

The 1st worm in beer, dead.

The 2nd in wine, dead.

The 3rd in whiskey, dead.

The 4th in ...

I went to see a friend from a very rich family. The maid approached me and asked.

*MAID:* -What would u like to have, fruit juice, yoghurt, tea, chocolate, cappuccino , frapuccino or coffee?

*ME:* -Tea pls.

*MAID:* -Ceylon Tea, Indian Tea, Herbal Tea, Kericho Gold Tea, Bush Tea or Green Tea?

*ME:* -Ceylon Tea pls.

*MAID:* -How do...

All he wanted was a coke

Larry was a lonely wanderer, traveling the vast country of the United States.

One evening, after a long day on the road he came across a small town named Healdsburg, after the founder Harmon Heald. Larry decided to stop in for a meal and a good nights rest. For his supper he had a wonderful ...

Some engineers were arguing about God.

One says, "God was clearly a mechanical engineer. Just look at the structure of the bones, how they're shaped to carry their loads without wasted weight, how the joints interlock to give free movement, how the muscles are optimally placed as actuators with the best leverage."

The second repli...

A Engineer, a Chemist and an Economist get stranded on a island.

From the ship that crashed, some canned food washed ashore.


The Engineer says “We need to open the cans with these rocks”


The Chemist says “We could blow the top off using a combination of these minerals I’ve found”


The Economist says “Ok, so let’s assume we have a c...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

The Guru (potentially NSFW depending on words used)

Bill and Jeff are sitting at the local - Bill is complaining to Jeff that his elbow his hurting him and that he will have to go to the doctor and pay the high medical bills/etc that will come with it...


Jeff tells Bill to forget that, he should visit 10th and 3rd and see The Guru! Basical...

If olive oil is made from olives and coconut oil is made from coconut what is baby oil made from?

Mineral oil, Aloe Vera Extract, Vitamin E, Fragrance and false advertising.

What kind of spirits haunt an abandoned Benjamin Moore or Sherwin Williams?

Mineral spirits

Get me a drink

DAD: Son, get me a drink.

SON: Coke or Pepsi?

DAD: Coke.

SON: Diet or regular?

DAD: Regular.

SON: Can or bottle?

DAD: Bottle.

SON: Small or large?

DAD: Godammit! Just get water!

SON: Mineral or tap?

DAD: Mineral!

SON: Cold ...

How many rocks did Hank Schrader have in his collection by the end of Breaking Bad?

None, they were all minerals.

You should kill me for this but...

Did you see the engraving under the mineral sculpture of the famous punner's head? It said, "Wordplay Ore Bust"