What type of mineral makes people sneeze?

Gesundhite

This joke may contain profanity. ๐Ÿค”

Three expectant mothers are sitting in the doctor's office, knitting... [warning: offensive!]

\[I once killed a party with this joke. You have been warned!\]

Three expectant mothers are sitting in the doctor's office, knitting.

The first mother puts down her knitting, picks up her handbag, pulls out a bottle of pills, takes one, then resumes knitting. She sees the other two mot...

Why don't local government prioritize the concerns of laborers who collect minerals in caves?

They're only miner issues.

This joke may contain profanity. ๐Ÿค”

Suffering from a mineral deficiency? The only mineral you're going to need,

is some cocktanite

This joke may contain profanity. ๐Ÿค”

How does a sex worker extract precious minerals from the Earth?

They strip mine.

The KGB, the FBI, and the CIA are all trying to prove they are the best at catching criminals. The Secretary General of the UN decides to set them a test. He releases a rabbit into a forest, and each of them has to catch it.

The CIA people go in. They place animal informants throughout the forest. They question all plant and mineral witnesses. After three months of extensive investigations, they conclude that the rabbit does not exist.

The FBI goes in. After two weeks with no leads they burn the forest, killing e...

This joke may contain profanity. ๐Ÿค”

Chief SS Officer: "Sir, it seems we are mining too many minerals."

Hitler: "Then mine less minerals."

Grammar Nazi: "Mine **fewer**!"

Hitler: "Yes?"

James Cameron: I don't know what to call the unobtainable mineral the blue aliens are hiding.

**Guy who came up with "Newfoundland":** Unobtain...ium?

JC: BRILLIANT!

Four worms were placed in four separate test tubes: 1st in beer 2nd in wine 3rd in whiskey 4th in mineral water The next day, the teacher shows the results: The 1st worm in beer, dead. The 2nd in wine, dead. The 3rd in whiskey, dead. The 4th in mineral water, alive and healthy.

The teacher asks the class:
- What do we learn from this experience?

And a child responds:
- Whoever drinks beer, wine and whiskey
does not have worms.

I hate people who trade with minerals

They take everything for granite

My friend started a company that digs rocks and minerals..

He's just mining his own business.

I periodically see my doctor and our conversations go like this...

Doc: your diet isn't great. Don't you think you should try to easy off on the salt?

Me: Na

Doc: you really should. You might develop respiratory issues and have trouble breathing.

Me: O

Doc: and try eating more fruits. They'll give you more vitamins and minerals

Me...

This joke may contain profanity. ๐Ÿค”

Chemical Analysis of Women

Item: Chemical Analysis



Subject: Women



Symbol: Wo



Discovered by: Adam



Atomic Weight: Average expected as 150lb, but there are known isotopes ranging from 100lb to 250lb.


Occurrence: Surplus quanti...

This joke may contain profanity. ๐Ÿค”

Told my wife weโ€™d have to stop sleeping together if I get this job with a mineral extraction company.

Yeah, in most states itโ€™s illegal to have sex with a miner.

Why can't you purchase minerals by the gallon?

They only come in quarts(z)

If minerals were people, who would be the poorest?

Stibnite, because it's antimony.

I went to see a friend from a very rich family. The maid approached me and asked...

MAID: -What would you like to have, fruit juice, yoghurt, tea, chocolate, cappuccino , frapuccino or coffee?

ME: -Tea pls.

MAID: -Ceylon Tea, Indian Tea, Herbal Tea, Kericho Gold Tea, Bush Tea or Green Tea?

ME: -Ceylon Tea pls.

MAID: -How do you want it, black or white?...

What do you call the mineral found in teeth and tooth enamel?

Apatite.

This joke may contain profanity. ๐Ÿค”

In an effort to determine the top crime fighting agency in the country, the President narrowed the field to three finalists, the CIA, the FBI, and the N.Y.P.D. The three remaining contenders were given the task of catching a rabbit which was released into the forest.

The CIA went into the forest. They placed animal informants throughout. They questioned all plant and mineral witnesses. After three months of extensive investigation they concluded that rabbits do not exist.

The FBI went into the forest. After two weeks without a capture, they burned the for...

Law Enforcement

Back in the 80's the government wanted to have a competition to see which branch of law enforcement was most effective. They released 3 rabbits into 3 separate forests and asked the FBI, the CIA, and the LAPD to go find the rabbits. The FBI, after questioning the plants and minerals, determine rabb...

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