UPJOKE
atomoxygenelectronparticleneutronprotonhydrogenatomsionspeckmolecularheteronuclearchemical elementionic bondradical

What did the molecule say to the atom after he got in trouble?

I’ve got my ion you.

After the CO2 molecule left the car, it immediately took a nap

it was exhausted

A hydrogen molecule gets arrested.

His mother comes down to the police station to bail him out. She is met by the detective working the case.

I don’t understand it, says the mother. Hydrogen was always a good kid. I never had any problems til he met oxygen.

Don’t worry, says the detective. The situation is fluid but he...

A fish made from two sodium molecules

Two-Na

A group of organic molecules

A group of organic molecules were having a party, when a group of robbers broke into the room and robbed all the precious jewels. A tall, strong man, armed with a gun came into the room and thrashed the robbers one by one. The guests were very grateful and asked for his name, to which he replied, "M...

An Oxygen molecule go sees a doctor

"Doc, Im suffering from terrible cramps" says the Oxygen Molecule.

"That's an easy fix," says the doctor, "Just eat some Potassium and you'll be OK!"

What did Michael Jackson say when he found two molecules of helium?

HeHe

Molecule 1: I just lost an electron.

Molecule 2: Are you sure?
Molecule 1: I’m positive.

What do you call a molecule of sodium carrying a gun?

A salt with a deadly weapon

What's guacamole made of?

Guacamolecules

A hydroxide ion and a nitric oxide molecule walk into a bar.

The bartender says: "OH NO".

11 sodium molecules walk into a bar.

The bartender says, "Hey Jude!"

Size of matter in descending order.

Molecule > Atom > Proton > Quark > x on a mobile ad

Three Helium molecules walk into a bar

The bartender asks, "what's so funny?"

What do you call 6.022 x 10^23 molecules of avocado?

A guac-mole

What do you call a C₆H₁₂O₆ molecule that can use its right and left hands equally well?

Ambidextrose

Anybody here heard of Molecules?

He’s the smallest of the Greek heroes!

What did one soap molecule say to the other soap molecule in prison?

"Get out. This is micelle"

My friend said that he replaced the Oxygen with Uranium in a water molecule.

I was like, "HUH?"

My girlfriend is like the temperature of a molecule.

Doesn't exist by definition.

How does a DNA molecule moisten a stamp?

Helix it!

What did the scientist say when he mixed 2oxygen molecules with Yttrium, Boron, and Hydrogen

OH BOY

Molecule

Nitrous oxide

Why did the 22140857×10^23 molecules of Methyl Acetate go to jail?

It was a Mole-Ester!

What did the Oblivion character say when he saw a molecule of magnesium sulphate?

BY THE NINE DIVINES! A SALT!

Two Molecules are Talking to Each Other...

The first one asks, "Why don't you like me?"

The water molecule says, "I'm sorry, but I'm just not that attracted to you."

The other cries, "Is it because I'm fat?!"

What do you call a molecule with the structure bunny-O-bunny?

An Ether Bunny!

What molecule has the best sense of humor?

A helium polymer. HeHeHeHeHe

My friend is weak in differentiating organic molecules

He says they are all alkene.

You should never trust a molecule

They make up everything.

So an oxygen molecule walks into a bar... [biochem joke]

and goes up to the bar and orders a drink. As the bartender hands the Oxygen it's drink he notices the small molecule petrified with fear. He notices this and quickly realizes hemoglobin sitting alone in a corner booth with an obvious attraction to oxygen. The bartender looks and says to Oxygen "Don...

How many molecules are in a guacamole?

Avocado's Number.

Where do molecules go when they're misaligned?

The chiralpractor!

Electrons

Two molecules are walking down the street. They accidently bump into each other, and one of them looks down, shakes his head, and says, "Damn, I lost an electron." The other molecule is surprised and says, "Are you sure??" The other one says, "Yeah, I'm positive."

A chemist walks into a bar...

He says to the bartender, "Tonight all drinks are on me!"

The bartender says to him, "you must've had a good day today, what happened?"

"I finally found a way to make a stable molecule from a barium atom, two sodium atoms, and a sulfur atom!" the chemist proudly replies.

"Wow," ...

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A scientist walks into a bar and sees a depressed man.

"What's wrong?" says the scientist.

"I have nothing to live for," the man replies miserably. "I'm an absolute nobody. I don't have anything to offer the world. I'm completely unspecial and just another average Joe. I don't even know why I'm here. What's the point? What's my purpose?"

T...

my 14 year old came back with this after his biology class

Q. who was the Jewish prophet that led the water molecules across the partially permeable membrane?
A. osmoses

Science Jokes

Molecule 1: I just lost an electron.
Molecule 2: Are you sure?
Molecule 1: I’m positive

Newton, Pascal and Archimedes are playing hide and seek. Archimedes starts to count, Pascal hides in a bush, and Newton draws a square on the ground and steps into it. Archimedes finds Newton first, ...

Do you know why all the O2 molecules are intelligent?

Because an stupid one would be an Oxy-Moron.

Some words sounding similar can be confusing. For example, Entropy and Atrophy.

Entropy is simply a measure of how much the energy of atoms and molecules become more spread out in a process and can be defined in terms of statistical probabilities, whereas Atrophy, is what you get if you win something.

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A Jew, a Muslim and a Christian are all best friends

A Jew, a Muslim and a Christian are all best friends. They have this tradition of meeting up at a certain coffee shop and talking about this and that while they eat their collective favorite desert; cherry pie.

One day, as the friends are enjoying their cherry pie, the topic of who’s religio...

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Why Don't Jews Like Ions?

They prefer their molecules free of charge.

What do you get when you cross a blind burrowing mammal with a Roman demigod?

Molecules

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Little Johnny joke

Teacher was going over words in class, and asked her students to use definitely in a sentence. Little Johnny was squirming, so he called out, "Teacher, I need to go take a shit!" She told him to sit down. "You can't go to the bathroom until you have used definitely in a sentence."

He thought...

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