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What kind of sex are molecules into?

Bondage.

A hydrogen molecule gets arrested.

His mother comes down to the police station to bail him out. She is met by the detective working the case.

I don’t understand it, says the mother. Hydrogen was always a good kid. I never had any problems til he met oxygen.

Don’t worry, says the detective. The situation is fluid but he...

My friend is weak in differentiating organic molecules

He says they are all alkene.

After the CO2 molecule left the car, it immediately took a nap

it was exhausted

The first double Helium molecule should be named after Michael Jackson

HeHe

I like my bears like I like my molecules

Polar and non attractive

What did the molecule say to the atom after he got in trouble?

I’ve got my ion you.

A fish made from two sodium molecules

Two-Na

What has 6.022 x 10^23 molecules and makes a great breakfast?

Avogadro toast

My friend said that he replaced the Oxygen with Uranium in a water molecule.

I was like, "HUH?"

3 kids are in class Atom, Molecule and Matter. Atom turns to molecule and tells him a joke. Molecule laughs so hard and asks why don't you tell Matter the joke.

Atom: he wouldn't get it, he's too dense.

how does a DNA molecule give oral?

helix it

Molecule

Nitrous oxide

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What did the chlorine molecule say after homolytic fission

That was RADICAL bro.

Molecule 1: I just lost an electron.

Molecule 2: Are you sure?
Molecule 1: I’m positive.

Why did the 22140857×10^23 molecules of Methyl Acetate go to jail?

It was a Mole-Ester!

What did the Oblivion character say when he saw a molecule of magnesium sulphate?

BY THE NINE DIVINES! A SALT!

Do you know why all the O2 molecules are intelligent?

Because an stupid one would be an Oxy-Moron.

My girlfriend is like the temperature of a molecule.

Doesn't exist by definition.

Two Molecules are Talking to Each Other...

The first one asks, "Why don't you like me?"

The water molecule says, "I'm sorry, but I'm just not that attracted to you."

The other cries, "Is it because I'm fat?!"

What do you call a molecule with the structure bunny-O-bunny?

An Ether Bunny!

Where do molecules go when they're misaligned?

The chiralpractor!

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A Jew, a Muslim and a Christian are all best friends

A Jew, a Muslim and a Christian are all best friends. They have this tradition of meeting up at a certain coffee shop and talking about this and that while they eat their collective favorite desert; cherry pie.

One day, as the friends are enjoying their cherry pie, the topic of who’s religio...

What molecule has the best sense of humor?

A helium polymer. HeHeHeHeHe

So an oxygen molecule walks into a bar... [biochem joke]

and goes up to the bar and orders a drink. As the bartender hands the Oxygen it's drink he notices the small molecule petrified with fear. He notices this and quickly realizes hemoglobin sitting alone in a corner booth with an obvious attraction to oxygen. The bartender looks and says to Oxygen "Don...

A chemist walks into a bar...

He sees a group of other chemists who he works with and says to both the bartender and the chemists, "Gentlemen, tonight, all the drinks are on me!"

The chemists woo and cheer as the bartender says, "Wow, well you must have had a good day at work today then."

"Fantastic!" the chemist r...

What do you get when you cross a blind burrowing mammal with a Roman demigod?

Molecules

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Why Don't Jews Like Ions?

They prefer their molecules free of charge.

my 14 year old came back with this after his biology class

Q. who was the Jewish prophet that led the water molecules across the partially permeable membrane?
A. osmoses

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Little Johnny joke

Teacher was going over words in class, and asked her students to use definitely in a sentence. Little Johnny was squirming, so he called out, "Teacher, I need to go take a shit!" She told him to sit down. "You can't go to the bathroom until you have used definitely in a sentence."

He thought...

Science Jokes

Molecule 1: I just lost an electron.
Molecule 2: Are you sure?
Molecule 1: I’m positive

Newton, Pascal and Archimedes are playing hide and seek. Archimedes starts to count, Pascal hides in a bush, and Newton draws a square on the ground and steps into it. Archimedes finds Newton first, ...

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