What did the molecule say to the atom after he got in trouble?

I’ve got my ion you.

Why couldn’t the molecule split up?

It was in a legally bonding contract.

A hydrogen molecule gets arrested.

His mother comes down to the police station to bail him out. She is met by the detective working the case.

I don’t understand it, says the mother. Hydrogen was always a good kid. I never had any problems til he met oxygen.

Don’t worry, says the detective. The situation is fluid but he...

A fish made from two sodium molecules

Two-Na

What did Michael Jackson say when he found two molecules of helium?

HeHe

An Oxygen molecule go sees a doctor

"Doc, Im suffering from terrible cramps" says the Oxygen Molecule.

"That's an easy fix," says the doctor, "Just eat some Potassium and you'll be OK!"

Three Helium molecules walk into a bar

The bartender asks, "what's so funny?"

After the CO2 molecule left the car, it immediately took a nap

it was exhausted

What do you call 6.022 x 10^23 molecules of avocado?

A guac-mole

11 sodium molecules walk into a bar.

The bartender says, "Hey Jude!"

So a sodium molecule hits a chlorine molecule

It was a salt

Molecule 1: I just lost an electron.

Molecule 2: Are you sure?
Molecule 1: I’m positive.

What do you call a C₆H₁₂O₆ molecule that can use its right and left hands equally well?

Ambidextrose

Anybody here heard of Molecules?

He’s the smallest of the Greek heroes!

What did one soap molecule say to the other soap molecule in prison?

"Get out. This is micelle"

What did the scientist say when he mixed 2oxygen molecules with Yttrium, Boron, and Hydrogen

OH BOY

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What kind of sex are molecules into?

Bondage.

My friend said that he replaced the Oxygen with Uranium in a water molecule.

I was like, "HUH?"

My friend is weak in differentiating organic molecules

He says they are all alkene.

How does a DNA molecule moisten a stamp?

Helix it!

My girlfriend is like the temperature of a molecule.

Doesn't exist by definition.

Why did the 22140857×10^23 molecules of Methyl Acetate go to jail?

It was a Mole-Ester!

What molecule has the best sense of humor?

A helium polymer. HeHeHeHeHe

Molecule

Nitrous oxide

What did the Oblivion character say when he saw a molecule of magnesium sulphate?

BY THE NINE DIVINES! A SALT!

Two Molecules are Talking to Each Other...

The first one asks, "Why don't you like me?"

The water molecule says, "I'm sorry, but I'm just not that attracted to you."

The other cries, "Is it because I'm fat?!"

What do you call a molecule with the structure bunny-O-bunny?

An Ether Bunny!

So an oxygen molecule walks into a bar... [biochem joke]

and goes up to the bar and orders a drink. As the bartender hands the Oxygen it's drink he notices the small molecule petrified with fear. He notices this and quickly realizes hemoglobin sitting alone in a corner booth with an obvious attraction to oxygen. The bartender looks and says to Oxygen "Don...

Do you know why all the O2 molecules are intelligent?

Because an stupid one would be an Oxy-Moron.

Where do molecules go when they're misaligned?

The chiralpractor!

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A scientist walks into a bar and sees a depressed man.

"What's wrong?" says the scientist.

"I have nothing to live for," the man replies miserably. "I'm an absolute nobody. I don't have anything to offer the world. I'm completely unspecial and just another average Joe. I don't even know why I'm here. What's the point? What's my purpose?"

T...

my 14 year old came back with this after his biology class

Q. who was the Jewish prophet that led the water molecules across the partially permeable membrane?
A. osmoses

Science Jokes

Molecule 1: I just lost an electron.
Molecule 2: Are you sure?
Molecule 1: I’m positive

Newton, Pascal and Archimedes are playing hide and seek. Archimedes starts to count, Pascal hides in a bush, and Newton draws a square on the ground and steps into it. Archimedes finds Newton first, ...

Some words sounding similar can be confusing. For example, Entropy and Atrophy.

Entropy is simply a measure of how much the energy of atoms and molecules become more spread out in a process and can be defined in terms of statistical probabilities, whereas Atrophy, is what you get if you win something.

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A Jew, a Muslim and a Christian are all best friends

A Jew, a Muslim and a Christian are all best friends. They have this tradition of meeting up at a certain coffee shop and talking about this and that while they eat their collective favorite desert; cherry pie.

One day, as the friends are enjoying their cherry pie, the topic of who’s religio...

A chemist walks into a bar...

He sees a group of other chemists who he works with and says to both the bartender and the chemists, "Gentlemen, tonight, all the drinks are on me!"

The chemists woo and cheer as the bartender says, "Wow, well you must have had a good day at work today then."

"Fantastic!" the chemist r...

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Little Johnny joke

Teacher was going over words in class, and asked her students to use definitely in a sentence. Little Johnny was squirming, so he called out, "Teacher, I need to go take a shit!" She told him to sit down. "You can't go to the bathroom until you have used definitely in a sentence."

He thought...

What do you get when you cross a blind burrowing mammal with a Roman demigod?

Molecules

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Why Don't Jews Like Ions?

They prefer their molecules free of charge.

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