UPJOKE
atomoxygenelectronparticleneutronprotonhydrogenatomsionspeckmolecularchemical elementionic bondradicalnitrogen

What did the molecule say to the atom after he got in trouble?

I’ve got my ion you.

The first double Helium molecule should be named after Michael Jackson

HeHe

After the CO2 molecule left the car, it immediately took a nap

it was exhausted

A hydrogen molecule gets arrested.

His mother comes down to the police station to bail him out. She is met by the detective working the case.

I don’t understand it, says the mother. Hydrogen was always a good kid. I never had any problems til he met oxygen.

Don’t worry, says the detective. The situation is fluid but he...

What do you call a molecule of sodium carrying a gun?

A salt with a deadly weapon

An Oxygen molecule go sees a doctor

"Doc, Im suffering from terrible cramps" says the Oxygen Molecule.

"That's an easy fix," says the doctor, "Just eat some Potassium and you'll be OK!"

A hydroxide ion and a nitric oxide molecule walk into a bar.

The bartender says: "OH NO".

Three Helium molecules walk into a bar

The bartender asks, "what's so funny?"

A fish made from two sodium molecules

Two-Na

Molecule 1: I just lost an electron.

Molecule 2: Are you sure?
Molecule 1: I’m positive.

What do you call 6.022 x 10^23 molecules of avocado?

A guac-mole

11 sodium molecules walk into a bar.

The bartender says, "Hey Jude!"

Anybody here heard of Molecules?

He’s the smallest of the Greek heroes!

My friend said that he replaced the Oxygen with Uranium in a water molecule.

I was like, "HUH?"

What do you call a C₆H₁₂O₆ molecule that can use its right and left hands equally well?

Ambidextrose

What did one soap molecule say to the other soap molecule in prison?

"Get out. This is micelle"

How does a DNA molecule moisten a stamp?

Helix it!

Electrons

Two molecules are walking down the street. They accidently bump into each other, and one of them looks down, shakes his head, and says, "Damn, I lost an electron." The other molecule is surprised and says, "Are you sure??" The other one says, "Yeah, I'm positive."

My girlfriend is like the temperature of a molecule.

Doesn't exist by definition.

What did the scientist say when he mixed 2oxygen molecules with Yttrium, Boron, and Hydrogen

OH BOY

Molecule

Nitrous oxide

Why did the 22140857×10^23 molecules of Methyl Acetate go to jail?

It was a Mole-Ester!

What did the Oblivion character say when he saw a molecule of magnesium sulphate?

BY THE NINE DIVINES! A SALT!

Two Molecules are Talking to Each Other...

The first one asks, "Why don't you like me?"

The water molecule says, "I'm sorry, but I'm just not that attracted to you."

The other cries, "Is it because I'm fat?!"

What do you call a molecule with the structure bunny-O-bunny?

An Ether Bunny!

What molecule has the best sense of humor?

A helium polymer. HeHeHeHeHe

My friend is weak in differentiating organic molecules

He says they are all alkene.

So an oxygen molecule walks into a bar... [biochem joke]

and goes up to the bar and orders a drink. As the bartender hands the Oxygen it's drink he notices the small molecule petrified with fear. He notices this and quickly realizes hemoglobin sitting alone in a corner booth with an obvious attraction to oxygen. The bartender looks and says to Oxygen "Don...

You should never trust a molecule

They make up everything.

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A scientist walks into a bar and sees a depressed man.

"What's wrong?" says the scientist.

"I have nothing to live for," the man replies miserably. "I'm an absolute nobody. I don't have anything to offer the world. I'm completely unspecial and just another average Joe. I don't even know why I'm here. What's the point? What's my purpose?"

T...

Science Jokes

Molecule 1: I just lost an electron.
Molecule 2: Are you sure?
Molecule 1: I’m positive

Newton, Pascal and Archimedes are playing hide and seek. Archimedes starts to count, Pascal hides in a bush, and Newton draws a square on the ground and steps into it. Archimedes finds Newton first, ...

Do you know why all the O2 molecules are intelligent?

Because an stupid one would be an Oxy-Moron.

Where do molecules go when they're misaligned?

The chiralpractor!

A chemist walks into a bar...

He says to the bartender, "Tonight all drinks are on me!"

The bartender says to him, "you must've had a good day today, what happened?"

"I finally found a way to make a stable molecule from a barium atom, two sodium atoms, and a sulfur atom!" the chemist proudly replies.

"Wow," ...

my 14 year old came back with this after his biology class

Q. who was the Jewish prophet that led the water molecules across the partially permeable membrane?
A. osmoses

Some words sounding similar can be confusing. For example, Entropy and Atrophy.

Entropy is simply a measure of how much the energy of atoms and molecules become more spread out in a process and can be defined in terms of statistical probabilities, whereas Atrophy, is what you get if you win something.

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A Jew, a Muslim and a Christian are all best friends

A Jew, a Muslim and a Christian are all best friends. They have this tradition of meeting up at a certain coffee shop and talking about this and that while they eat their collective favorite desert; cherry pie.

One day, as the friends are enjoying their cherry pie, the topic of who’s religio...

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Why Don't Jews Like Ions?

They prefer their molecules free of charge.

What do you get when you cross a blind burrowing mammal with a Roman demigod?

Molecules

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Little Johnny joke

Teacher was going over words in class, and asked her students to use definitely in a sentence. Little Johnny was squirming, so he called out, "Teacher, I need to go take a shit!" She told him to sit down. "You can't go to the bathroom until you have used definitely in a sentence."

He thought...

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